My Best Friend's Brother
by Eep118
Summary: When the Cullens moved in next door, I knew Alice and I were long lost sisters, but Edward was no where near a brother to me. Between hair pulls, teasing nick names, and Saturday night sleepovers, we spend our early teens growing into best friends and secrets. What will Alice think when she finds out Edward and I have been sneaking more than glances since we were 13? LEMONS
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I'm twelve, it's the beginning of October, and the Cullen's just moved in next door. My mom is at their door before noon with a plate of cookies and me by her side. She taps on the door with her manicured fingers and waits for the family to open it.

I'm looking around the house. An older couple used to live here. They moved to a retirement community in Florida. "We're tired of the rain," the explained to my dad as they hammered in the For Sale sign on their trimmed yard. The week they moved, a category 3 hurricane hit the coast of Florida.

Empty boxes line the wrap around porch. A BMW SUV sits in the drive way. This house is three times the size of ours. In fact, most houses on this street are much larger than ours. My dad is chief of police and mom sells her own art out of our basement. We don't have a lot of extra money, but I have new clothes every school year, they were able to get me braces last year, and I'm promised a car when I turn 16.

October air whips at my bare legs and I shiver. "It's cold, mom," I groan, wrapping my arms around myself.

"I told you to put a sweater on, Isabella." My mom glances down at my cap sleeved dress. It's light blue and made of cotton. I have black flats on and my feet dance to warm up my legs. She sort of pushes me behind her as wind whips the side of us.

Just as I'm about the protest again, the door swings open. In the doorway is a boy who looks a little older than me. His hair is so disheveled and red copper brown. I watch his fierce blue eyes size up my mom. He watches her with brows furrowed and then to the plate of cookies in her hand.

"Mom," he calls, "visitors!"

I come out from behind my mom and smile. His eyes fall on me. He watches me silently. I can't read the expression on his face.

"We're the Swans. We live right next door," my mom explains excitedly. The boy is still staring at me.

"Edward Cullen," he explains before a lady in dark denim and a marshmallow cream-colored top walks over.

"Hello! Please, come in!" she expresses excitedly.

"I was just explaining to Edward that I'm Renee and this is my daughter, Isabella. We live in the house next to you. We just stopped by to welcome you to the neighborhood." My mom is smiling high.

"How lovely! I'm Esme Cullen. You already met Edward, my daughter Alice is upstairs, and my husband, Carlisle, is in the den."

She calls Alice down and introduces us. She has the same blue eyes as her brother but her hair is much different. It's shoulder length and dirty blonde. She has it in two French braids and she pops her gum as her mom introduces us.

"Wanna come upstairs?" she asks. "We can hang out."

I look to my mom who nudges me. "Ok," I whisper.

I follow her up the stairs to the last room on the right. When she opens the door, her room is scattered with boxes and bubble wrap.

"Furniture comes tonight, so we'll have to chill on the floor," she says, sitting on some blankets and looking through boxes. "What grade are you in?" she asks.

"Eighth," I tell her. "So are you, right?"

"How'd you know?" she looks at me between unwrapping trinkets.

"Forks is a small town. You were the talk of the school all week. When you start Monday, everyone's going to know about you."

She nods. "Excellent." Her eyes roll and I giggle.

"I know. It sucks but you get used to it."

We talk a little more over the next hour. She tells me her dad's a doctor and got an excellent sign on bonus for moving his whole family from Arizona to Washington. She told me her mom makes jewelry but actually she does nothing except bake and watch soap operas. She tells me her and Edward are 10 months apart. He turned 13 in July which puts her at 13 at the very end of April. "My parents don't know how to keep their hands off each other, obviously. Plus, I was six weeks early," Alice explains jokingly. I tell her I just turned 12 in August and was born exactly on my due date. Her favorite color is violet, she hates skirts, and loves summer.

"Don't get too excited about summer's here," I admit.

"Why?"

"When they're not extremely wet, they're extremely hot."

"Sounds pretty good to me," her brother jokes, walking into the room. "Hot and wet are my two favorite things."

"Ew, go away Edward," says Alice. Her eyes roll and she throws a stuffed animal at him. He's pretty tall for 13 and his hair is every which way. They look both alike and totally different at the same time. Alice is petite. Her nose is slender. Her hair is dirty, dirty blonde. Her skin is Arizona sun kissed brown. Edward towers. His hair is red brown and wild. His nose is strong. His skin is pale. His smile is butterflies-in-my-tummy cocky.

"Make me," he teases. She gets up to chase him out. "Wait. Can I borrow your headphones?"

"No," she answers quickly.

"Please? Dad won't give mine back and mom won't let me listen to music without them."

I watch Alice roll her eyes. "Don't mess them up," she replies before handing them over.

"Thanks," he says, smiling and kissing her cheek.

"Don't get jizz all over them either!" she says as he wraps them around his neck. He chuckles.

"Jizz?" I ask.

Her eyes are curious. "Do you know what that is?"

"No?" I answer. "Is it, like, some weird snack you brought from Arizona?"

Alice just stares at me. Edward turns his head to look at me sideways. I see the slightest little smirk play on his lips. I'm so self-conscious right now and I wish my mom was up here.

"Oh my god!" Alice is laughing at me. My eyes are on my fingers as they pick at my skin.

"Don't be a bitch, Al," Edward says quietly.

"Is it food?" I ask again, focusing on Edward now. I can feel my cheeks burn bright.

He looks at me and shakes his head. "Well," he counters, "some people like to eat it."

This sends Alice into another fit of hysterics. I'm furrowing my brows slightly. _Well, then what could it be? _I think as Alice composes herself.

"You are too freaking funny, Isabella."

"Just Bella," I answer.

"I'll see you later, Just Bella," Edward says, walking out before I can say goodbye.

"Really, Alice, what is it?" I ask after her brother leaves.

She smiles before leaning over to and opening her mouth to explain. At that moment, my mom calls my name.

"Coming!" I respond which makes Alice giggle again. I smile because her laugh is infectious and despite her teasing, I think I'm going to get along with her. "I'll see you around, Alice!"

"Wanna hang out tomorrow? I know it's Sunday, but maybe you could fill me in on all the people to avoid at school?"

I laugh. "Sounds like a plan! I'll come over after lunch."

As we walk the few yards from their porch to ours, I wave goodbye to Mrs. Cullen and grab my mom's hand.

"Did you have fun, Baby?" she asks.

"Yeah, Alice is actually pretty cool."

"I'm glad. Mrs. Cullen seems really nice. Did you know she makes jewelry?" I nod and tell her Alice told me. When we get home, she starts dinner. When my dad gets home, he brings her flowers. She fills a vase and sets them on the table where we eat dinner. They discuss their day while I eat quietly.

"And they're from Arizona, Charlie! You should see how tan they are."

"Did she tell you _why _they moved?" he asks, forking a bite of spaghetti in his mouth.

"Some job offer for Dr. Cullen," she explains.

He shakes his head. "That ain't all," he states and looks towards me. My mom cocks her head but catches on. This is conversation they'll continue after I go to bed. I tell my dad about Alice and how nice she seems. When he asks if I met "the boy" I shrug.

"Yeah for like a minute. He answered the door, right mom?"

"Yeah, honey," she explains, clearing the table.

"Mhm," he responds before helping my mom with the dishes. When I get up to help, he tells me to go on upstairs and get ready for bed. It's only 7:30, but I don't argue with them. I never do.

After I get out of the shower, I dress in pajamas and slowly creep down the steps.

"Drugs," my dad says.

"Drugs? What kind?" mom asks.

"Just a little pot," he explains. "Word at the station is that they moved up here before the kid could get involved with anything else."

"Should we watch Isabella with them? I mean, she was upstairs alone with them, Charlie. I didn't even suspect anything!" I roll my eyes at my mom's dramatics.

"We'll just have to see," dad explains. "I think we've raised our daughter to make good choices, don't you, Renee?"

She doesn't say anything, but I hope she's nodding. I have never made a bad choice or given them any reason to think otherwise. I scrunch my brows together. Pot. I learned about it in health class. It's just a plant or something, right? I should have paid more attention in class.

I creep back up the steps and shut my door quietly. I walk over to my computer and fire it up. When I log in, I open google images and type four letters. J-i-z-z. What pops up is not at all what I was expecting. My eyes bug out and my heart pounds. Pictures of stuff I have _never _seen flood my screen. Vaginas and penises of all shapes and colors. They never showed us _this_ in Health class when we had "the talk" last year. Each picture had the same thing: white stuff laying all over the girls' vagina. _Oh my god_, I think to myself. _It's sperm!_

The next day at 12:30, I dress in a grey cotton dress with a long burgundy sweater. It's colder today, so I trade flats for boots.

I yell down to my mom who is in the basement that I'm headed over to see Alice. She says, "be careful."

When I knock, the door opens immediately. It's Edward. I'm suddenly nervous. "Is, uhm, is Alice here?"

He leans against the door frame. "No," he responds simply.

I'm unsure what to say. I said I'd be over after lunch. She must have forgot. When I turn to leave, Edward tells me, "they went for lunch awhile ago. They should be back soon. You can come in and wait." He cocks his head to the side. "Furniture came earlier. You can hang out in the living room until she gets back."

I bite my lip. I could just go back home and watch for her out the window, but instead I say, "ok."

"Want a drink?" he asks, showing me to the couch. I shake my head. Why am I so nervous? He's just a boy. "Okay, well…" he trails off.

I don't know what makes me say it, but I tell him, "I googled it last night."

"What?" he asks, confused.

"You know, what Alice said…"

He looks confused for a moment longer before he catches on. "What did Alice say?" he teases.

"You know!"

"I don't remember."

"Ugh!" I clear my throat and whisper yell "jizz."

I glance up through my lashes. "So, you googled Jizz last night? And, what is it, Just Bella?"

"Well, it's not a snack!"

"Isn't it?" he asks, cocking his head to the side.

"No!" I tell him.

"I don't know," he starts, "I know a lot of girls who like to eat it." His smile is so cocky and it's getting a little awkward.

"Ew," I state simply before I hear Alice throw open the door.

"Bella!" she calls when she sees me. "I'm sorry, I told my dad to book it! I didn't know people in this town go way under the freaking speed limit!"

I giggle because she's right. I shrug. "Forks is a safe town."

Alice glances at her brother. "Not anymore."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks to those who have reviewed, followed, or favorited this story! This story will follow the course of their adolescence into their later teen years, so it'll be a slow burn. Keep in mind Bella is a sheltered, 12-year-old girl, and Alice and Edward are about to turn her world upside. Imagine all the things they're going to teach her

Chapter 2

Eight grade passes pretty quickly. Alice turns 13 in the middle of a blizzard. The day she woke up, we had a snow day, and she calls my home phone to tell me to come over.

I pull on a pair of skinny jeans with an emerald green sweater. I'm 12, so mom doesn't let me wear makeup yet, but I can sometimes sneak some colored gloss. Today it's sheer red. I pull on my pea coat, scarf, and snow boots.

"So much to put on just to walk next door," my dad jokes. I laugh with him before kissing his cheek goodbye. "Be good," he says as he shuts the door behind me.

It's been five months since the Cullen's moved in, but it's felt like 5 years. Alice and I are pretty much inseparable now. Every Saturday is spent at her house. When I'm not at her house, she's calling my house phone, when she's not doing that, we're at Edward's basketball games. She won't admit it, but she has a crush on Edward's friend Jasper. He's also new this year, in Edward's grade, and is at their house way more than I am.

Last time I asked why, Alice shrugged and said, "he's got a shitty home life." Edward told her his mom's a drunk and dad's a deadbeat. I nod my understanding. He's super nice and I never would have thought his home life is anything less than what the Cullen's have.

"Hey Bella," Jasper says, shivering on the porch.

"Why are you waiting out here?" I ask, going to grab the doorknob. I stopped knocking around Halloween. He follows me in and while I unpeel layers and layers of winter warm clothes, Jasper simply takes off a hoodie.

"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," Jasper greets when I'm unzipping my boots.

I hear Mrs. Cullen immediately get up and start lunch. It's only 11, but I know she likes to have food available to Jasper whenever he's here. Mrs. C is kind, gentle, and caring. Her hands are always warm and always wrapped a mug of coffee. Her teeth are whitening-strip bright and her hair is salon-processed blonde.

When she passes me, she places her hand on my back and says, "good morning, honey."

I give her a smile before I run up the steps. Jasper opens Edward's door and wave hello.

"Hey, c'mere," he calls.

I stop. I've never stepped a foot inside Edward's room. In fact, I've barely even seen it. When I'm over, we're either all hanging out in the kid-friendly living room in the basement playing play station or pool or watching movies on their oversized couches, or Alice and I are in her room. His door is always closed.

I walk to the door frame. "Yeah?"

"Get in here, quick!" he whispers, pulling my wrist and closing the door. Inside, Edward has a large, white poster board with markers sitting next to it. He has a large bed on the far wall. Across from the foot of his bed is a smaller sofa. Against the wall is a big desk full of text books, homework, and a laptop. His walls are light gray and around the room are posters of bands I've never heard of and friends he left in Arizona.

"What's this?" I ask.

"I was going to make Al a big birthday card, but I don't know what the fuck to do," he says, sitting on his bed. "I need a girls help."

"Ask your mom?"

"I'm asking you!" he says. His eyes are on my red stained, super glossed lips.

"Oh," I answer, and kneel down by the poster board. "Well, I guess first we'll fold it. Do you have a pencil?" I ask, looking up at Edward, pushing my hair behind my ear.

"A pencil!" he expels. "Of course, why didn't I think of that?"

I giggle while jasper grabs one off the desk and hands it to me. I take time to trace out Alice's name in bubble letters inside while using my best calligraphy to write Happy Birthday on the front.

Edward is sitting next to me now. He hands me what I need: pencil, markers, glue.

"This is nice of you," I tell him while drawing a picture of Alice and a birthday cake.

"What is?" he asks, watching my fingers grip the chubby marker.

"Making this card."

"Well, I guess it's from you now, huh?" he asks, looking at my face again.

Jasper is sitting on sofa in Edward's room, flipping through the channels on the TV.

"It was still your idea. I'm just helping out a little. Here," I say, handing him a marker, "color in the letters of her name." When I look back at him, he's still staring. "What?" I ask, rubbing my chin to get off whatever he's looking at.

"What's on your lips?" he asks lowly.

"Oh," I say, "it's just some gloss." He's still staring so I say, "take a picture, it'll last longer!"

He smiles. "Can I?"

I roll my eyes. "No."

Ten minutes later, the card is colorful and glittery and full of brotherly love with best-friend handwriting. I stand up to leave when Edward says, "thanks B."

I scrunch my nose. "B?" I ask. He shrugs. I shrug. "You're welcome, E." He grins.

I leave his room and shut his door quietly. I want to stand on the outside and listen to what they say when I leave, but I don't. When I get to Alice's door, I knock twice and open.

"Hi, birthday girl," I say, running over to hug her hard. She throws her arms over my shoulders and I kiss her 13 birthday kisses and one for good luck on her cheeks.

"Wow, you're a great kisser, Bella," she giggles. "Will you do my makeup?" she asks.

She knows I _live _for doing her makeup. "Yes!"

We're sitting Indian style facing each other, listening to music, talking about school as I smudge dark liner on her eyes. I swipe blush on her cheeks and stain her lips with pink.

"Nice," she says, checking herself out in the mirror. She hands me the mascara. "You wanna put some on?"

"You know my mom won't let me wear it until _I'm _13," I explain.

She shrugs. "So wash it off before you leave."

I hold the tube of blackest black mascara and weigh my options. _What the heck_, I think before carefully applying some to my virgin lashes. My hair is dark brown, and my lashes match, but the mascara lengths and thickens them. My eyes pop.

"Damn," Alice jokes, wiggling her eyebrows.

She stands up and holds her hand out for me. "Come on, mascara baby, it's my birthday and I'm ready to party!"

We run down the steps and into the basement. The boys are already there. "It's my birthday, and I wanna dance!" Alice exclaims, jumping on the couch between Jasper and Edward. Edward rolls his eyes and hands her the remote.

She turns off the TV and turns on the radio. She's up and messing with the stations while I take the only available area near Edward. I curl my feet up and watch her sway. Thirteen makes Alice confident.

"Look at my boobs!" she told me last month, looking in the mirror. Her shirt was pulled up and her bra was covering the growing breasts on her chest. I laugh and nod.

"I see them," I agree.

"Show me yours!"

"What? No!"

"Come on. Boys compare dick sizes. We can compare tit sizes."

I burst out into laughter. "Guys do that?" I ask.

"Guys are gross, Bella. Hormones really mess with them! Edward's so moody all the freaking time. If he's not in the bathroom, he's throwing a fit." She rolls her eyes.

"Turn this up, Alice, I like this song," Jasper says, slipping his phone in his pocket.

I know this is music Alice doesn't normally listen to, but she does as he asks with a smile. Jasper sits back with his eyes closed and listens. Edward pulls out his phone and snaps a pic. Then he does it to Alice as she turns around.

"B?" he asks, looking at me.

"Hm?" When I turn my head, he presses a button on his phone and winks.

"Oh, take our picture!" Alice says, jumping onto the cushion next to me. She throws her arms around my neck and I wrap my hands around hers. She puts her face near mine and we both say "Cheese!" Edward smiles as he swipes his thumb on his phone.

The rest of the afternoon is filled with dancing and singing and watching movies. After dinner, we have the cake Mrs. C made, and then Alice gets to open presents. Earlier in the week, her parents took her to the mall and got her a phone, so she only has my gift and the card from Edward.

She opens his card and laughs. "Wow, Edward, your handwriting is surprisingly feminine." She bumps my arm and says thanks with a wink.

"All his idea," I express. "I only did the writing."

"Thank you," she says to him. He smiles gently and nods.

I hand Alice the small bag that I hid in my coat. Inside are two dainty bracelets with a broken heart on each. She picks Best and leaves me with Friends. We help each other put them on and she hugs me hard. Mr. and Mrs. C smile and wrap their arms around each other.

Later that night, we're back in the basement. I call my mom from Alice's new phone and tell her we want to have a sleep over.

"Be careful, baby," she says before we hang up.

Alice lends me a pair of sleep shorts and a white, V neck t shirt and decide to leave my bra on while the boys are still around us. Alice dresses in longer sleep shorts and an oversized band tee. We bring down all the pillows and blankets we can carry with our arms while the boys pull out the coffee table. We make a bed on the floor in front of the TV. Alice and I are on our bellies facing the TV with knees spread and feet in the air. Edward and Jasper sit behind us, lounged on the couch. It's pretty chilly down here, but we used most of the blankets to make a bed on the floor. Alice picks Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and not even 15 minutes in I hear her softly snoozing next to me. I look back at the boys and Jasper is slumped over with his arm over his eyes, mouth ajar. I look to Edward whose eyes are glued to mine.

"Are you scared?" I whisper. The lights are off so the only light is from the TV. He smirks and shakes his head no, still staring at me. "Oh, okay, just making sure," I whisper before returning my attention to the movie. A few minutes later, a character is running through a field and all of a sudden, a chainsaw starts. I jump. He laughs behind me. My eyes are slits as I continue watching the movie. After another part makes me squeal, Edward taps my foot with his.

When I turn to look at him, he pats the spot next to him and cocks his head. I don't need to be told twice as I abandon our blanket made ship. I bring up a sheet, jump onto the couch next to him, and sit Indian style. He's slouched and his knees are spread so wide that I sort of fall into his side. I use the blanket to shield my eyes from scenes too scary. When I lower the sheet to peak, Edward is looking at me.

"What?" I ask, turning to the TV.

"Nothing," he responds, shaking his head.

The movie is almost over before he speaks again: "Next time, you might wanna keep your legs closed a little more," he whispers.

I look at him and scowl. "Why?"

He smirks. "Those are some cute red undies you've got on."

My eyes bug out and I'm on my knees with a pillow I grab from behind me. I hit him over and over again, giggling but so totally embarrassed. "Edward Cullen!" I hit him three more times before I sit back on my legs. "Why didn't you tell me?" I ask. Tears sting my eyes and I look at my knees. I pull the sleep shorts down farther on my legs and I feel one tear drop onto my thigh. Edward sits up suddenly and wipes my tear from my leg.

"Oh shit," he says, "I'm sorry, Bella. Don't cry, please don't cry." He's holding my wrist in his hand and I steal it away. I wipe wet eyes with the back of my fingers.

"I'm not crying," I tell him, obviously crying. I sit back and cross my arms. He rubs my leg until I uncross my arms.

"Why were you even looking?" I ask, turning my body to his.

He swallows and looks at me. "I just, I don't know, I looked at you when I noticed Alice fell asleep. I didn't want you to be too scared down there alone. I saw it and then I just… nothing," he says, shaking his head. He clears his throat and sits up straighter. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

I cross my arms again and say the first thing that comes to my mind. "My dad says you guys moved here because of pot."

His face is blank and he's looking at my thighs still. I watch his throat swallow over and over before he looks at me and nods.

"I started smoking when I was 11." It was a simple statement. I nodded. "I started dealing 6 months before we moved here." I nodded again, a little slower this time.

"Why?"

He shrugged. "Boredom? I don't know."

We're silent for a few more minutes. "Tell me why you really did it, Edward."

He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair. His other arm is relaxed between us and he glides his finger up and down over my knee. Sometimes he'll travel a little farther up but then head straight back down.

"I really was bored as shit, B," he says quietly and then adds, "and I got hooked up with the wrong crowd. I was sort of seeing this girl who was trouble. One night, at her house, her older brother had some friends. The girl and her brother smoked a joint with his friends. I wanted to be cool, so I smoked too. I hated it at first, but then I had a horrible baseball game and shit got to me so I did it and it took it away. Pot isn't bad, B, it's a fucking plant, ok? But dealing that shit isn't what you wanna be caught doing. When my dad found out, he flipped. He drove me around the "wrong side the tracks" to where his best friend from high school lives. He told me smoking is one thing, but selling is another. Selling pot leads to selling coke which leads to selling pills which leads to doing pills or some shit." He takes a breath and places his whole palm over my thigh. It's warmth spreads upwards. I'm watching him retell a tale that still has wounds deep in his memory.

"Anyways, I didn't believe him so I kept selling. I didn't even need to money, my parents would have given me whatever, but I just kept doing it. Anyways, my boss's boss was impressed with my "sales" and threw a bag of pills and powder at me. I took it home, hid it in my dresser, and my mom found it. The next day, our house was on the market, and that's that."

I place my hand over his. "Do you miss it?"

"Selling?"

"Smoking."

"Yeah," he admits.

"Will you do it again?" I ask.

"Probably," he answers honestly, squeezing my leg.

"Will you sell again?" I ask.

He thinks for a minute before shaking his head. "Nah." He watches my face as I smile. He smiles back. "I like your eyelashes," he tells me lowly.

I giggle. "Oh, the mascara?"

He chuckles. "Yeah."

When he opens his mouth to speak again, Alice stirs. He pulls his hand away and puts some space between us.

Alice sits up to stretch. "Did I miss all of the movie?" she asks, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah, thanks a lot!" I tease.

She jumps on the couch between Jasper and Edward. Jasper stirs and stretches.

"What time is it?" he asks groggily.

Edward glances at his phone. "10:30."

"Nights young," he teases, "what should we do?"

Alice pipes up. "I have a great idea!" We're all ears as she says, "anyone up for a game of Truth or Dare?"


	3. Chapter 3

Please review!

Jasper and Edward run up to grab snacks and drinks while Alice and I expand our bed of drop cans of coke, bottles of water, and sugar sweet candy in front of us. I reach for a Charms Blow-pop and peel the wrapper off. I'm twirling it around my lips while Alice and Jasper create the rules which end up being:

You cannot pick Truth every time.

If one of the siblings doesn't want to hear an answer, they can cover their ears until it's over.

"Don't be fucking gross, _Edward_."

"Don't make Bella _all_ the way uncomfortable, _Alice_."

"So we can make her a little bit uncomfortable?" she asks. Edward shrugs and responds with a laugh, "sure."

Which leads to my idea for rule number 5:

You cannot force someone into a dare, but if they refuse then they cannot refuse a truth.

"In fact," Alice says, "you can only refuse to answer _one _truth the whole game by saying 'Veto'." She cocks and eyebrow at me. "So, for example, if I ask Bella if she's ever had an orgasm, and she refuses to answer, she cannot refuse to answer any other truths after that!" She giggles maniacally.

"Fine, but then it's only fair that you cannot ask the same question I refused to answer more than once!" I explain.

"Fair," Alice admits with a shrug. "Everyone ready?" We all nod.

When Alice asks Jasper, he smiles and says, "dare."

She puts her finger on her chin and taps. "I dare you to finish the rest of Bella's sucker."

I look at her with irritation. "I just opened it," I protest.

Jasper laughs. He reaches over and takes the white stem, ripping it from my lips with _pop_. I glance at Edward and he's laughing. Alice is watching Jasper lick the spit covering my Blow-pop.

"Gross," I mumble, trying to sort through the pile but coming up empty. "Great, Alice, that was the last one!"

She laughs. "Relax, sugar baby."

Jasper asks Edward who picks truth. "Who's hotter, Jane or Jessica?"

"Jess," he smiles, answering immediately.

"I fucking knew it!" Jasper yells. "You son of a bitch." Edward and Jasper laugh over inside jokes that Alice and I are on the outside of.

"Jessica _Stanley_?" I ask.

"Yep," Jasper says, focusing on Edward again. "Dude her tits are unreal."

Edward blushes and nods his head. "Should have seen her in gym on Tuesday," Edward adds.

Jasper shakes his head. "Man, I bet she can give some awesome—"

Edward interrupts him. "We have virgin ears, Jas," he laughs, gesturing to me and Al.

Alice nudges me with her arm. "I think he's talking about you," she whispers and giggles.

"Alice! You're not—" but she places her finger on my lip and simply winks.

I listen to Edward and Jasper go on about Jessica Stanley.

"Jessica isn't nice," I say softly after I've heard enough.

Edward eyes me before he asks, "Why?"

I shrug. He touches my painted blue toes with his white cotton covered ones. I glance at him and he arches a brow asking a silent _why? _Instead of answering, I tell him, "your turn."

"Bella, Truth or Dare?"

I breathe deeply. "Truth."

"Why?"

I don't want to use it already, but I don't want to answer this question. "Veto," I tell him softly. He retracts his foot and sits up straighter.

Alice picks Truth.

"You're not?" I ask, knowing she'll understand my question.

She blushes softly before telling me, "technically yes, but…" she looks over at Jasper who is watching our encounter and Edward who looks pained with hands over his ears. She giggles. "I did have a boyfriend in Arizona. He would sometimes…" she paused when she noticed Jasper was tuned all the way in to us. She giggles and kicks him with dirty toes before looking back at me. "I'll tell you later."

Edward picks truth and Alice asks, "did you lie when you told mom that you liked that stupid sweater she gave you for Christmas?"

He throws his head back and laughs. His whole mouth opens and his throat pulses with each deep belly laugh. "Yes," he admits.

"I knew it, you asshole."

The two are laughing and so am I. Their happiness is contagious.

Edward asks Jasper, "is it true that you fingered Jane in the janitor's closet on the 2nd floor last week?"

"Oh my god!" Alice groans but she is all ears.

"I did," Jasper admits, "and it wasn't great. Her snatch was dry and _no one_ was turned on."

"So much for virgin ears," I giggle.

"I'm telling you, man, something is up with her. She hooked up with Newton a while back and he said the same thing."

"Maybe she's not into guys," I suggest, pushing my cuticle back in boredom.

Edward laughs and Jasper nods his head. "Damn, Bella, you might be onto sometime."

A few more rounds and Edward got a dare out of me. "I dare you to…" he stops to think before slowly looking at me and smirking. "I dare Sugar Baby B to call little miss Jessica Stanley and tell her she's a bitch."

My eyes grow wide and I sit on my knees. I want to. Oh my god do I want to. "She'll know it's me!" I tell him.

"No, we'll block my number. She won't know." He pulls his phone out and sorts through his contacts. I want to ask why he has her number and if he ever calls her, but I don't.

Alice is laughing and bouncing at my side.

"Okay," I tell him, watching as his fingers move over the screen. My heart is fluttering in my stomach and I clear my throat.

"You ready?" he asks, looking up at me through long lashes. I nod. He presses *67 and dials her number. It rings three and a half times before someone picks up.

"Hello?" Jessica answers. She's chewing gum and all I hear is _pop, snap, pop_.

"Hello?" I ask. I make the _what am I doing? _face to Edward and he throws a hand over his mouth to stop from laughing. With his other hand, he's gesturing me to continue.

"Who is this?" Jessica asks. _Popping _stops as she listens.

"I hate you!" I yell. "I hate you and your dumb blonde hair. You're a… a… a stupid dumb idiot! You're a bitch!" I say finally and tear the phone from my ear and throw it at Edward. He's laughing hysterically before he presses the red end button. I know Jessica could hear him, but I don't even care. Edward looks at me and claps.

"Wow!" Jasper laughs.

"Swear baby B has it in her," Alice says, jumping up onto the couch to bounce around. I'm sitting on my knees with my hands over my face. I'm embarrassed and nervous and totally alive right now. My cheeks are burning hotter than winter time radiators and I place the cool side of my pillow against them. Edward drums on my thigh with something hard. He smiles and hands me another Blow-pop. I give him a confused _where'd you find this_ smile and tear off the wrapper. He shrugs.

"Thanks," I whisper. He winks at me. For one of the very first times, I look at Edward and can feel small ants marching around my stomach. I notice the sunshine yellow specks in baby blue-green eyes and the way gray circles around them. I notice the way he throws his head back when he super-duper laughs and that he has no cavities. I notice his genetically perfect-straight teeth and the way his nails are always trimmed. I notice his socks are always on his feet and how he cocks his head to the side when he's fully listening to someone.

"B?" he asks, tapping his foot on mine again. My eyes focus on what he's saying. His cheeks tug his lips into a cocky smile. _He caught me looking at him._ "Take a picture, Bella B, it'll last longer." He uses my words against me.

Alice defends me and says, "leave her alone, asshole, she's in a sugar coma."

After Alice lightens the mood, I ask Edward and he picks dare. "I dare you to tell us who your crush is."

"Oh c'mon, B, that's a glorified "truth" question. Give me a dare!"

"Ugh, fine!" I think for a moment. "I dare you to write something dirty on a piece of paper and slip it in her locker on Monday."

He laughs and thinks for a moment. "Alright, but I'm not showing anyone." I giggle and nod. Alice is kind of sort of grimacing. Jasper is trying to read over Edward's shoulder what he could be writing down and wondering who it's for.

"Fuck off," Edward laughs, "this is between me and my crush." I kind of sort of regret this, but when he sits back down, note shoved in his pocket, he moves on to ask Alice if she hates Forks after she picks Truth.

"Actually, no," she says and looks back at him. "Do you?"

He plays with his fingers and when he looks back at his sister, I can tell this is a simple, caring sibling moment. "No," he answers softly. She smiles at Edward, I smile at Alice, and Jasper takes a bite of a ho-ho. "Who's turn?" he asks with a chocolate cake filled mouth and the moment is ruined.

When Alice asks me and I pick truth, he wiggles her eyebrows and turns to me. "Have you had your first kiss yet, Bella?"

"No," I say, embarrassed that at almost 13, the closest I've been to the opposite sex is whenever Edward was touching my leg earlier.

Jasper doesn't say anything. Alice just smirks. Edward looks at me, like, really looks at me. I can't read his expression. I'm still watching him as I roll my tongue over my Blow-pop and pop the round ball in and out of my pursed lips. Edward clears his throat and says, "who are you picking, B?"

I ask Alice who her crush is.

She blushes and picks at a tiny hole in her shirt. "Promise you won't judge?"

"Of course," I say.

"Emmett McCarty," she whispers. I'm confused. She has never, not once, mentioned Emmett to me.

"That fucking meathead?" Jasper scoffs. "May as well just fall for a sack of potatoes! He's a fucking idiot, Alice. Of all the guys, Emmett?"

And then I get it. She plays this game well.

Alice raises her voice. "You're one to talk, dry-cooch-finger-banger!"

I laugh so hard I cry. I laugh so hard I fall to the side and kick my legs. Jasper and Edward burst out laughing and Alice joins in. I dry my eyes and notice black on my fingers.

When it's back to my turn, and Alice asks why I don't wear thongs, I tell her, "I never said I don't" and when Alice giggles and slaps my thigh, she calls "sexy panty B" and my face warms 'again. I _don't _wear thongs, but I didn't want to be teased by these three for the rest of the night. I glance up and Jasper is wide eyed, slowly nodding and Edward is licking his bottom lip looking at my upper thighs.

"Truth or Dare, Edward," I ask.

"Dare," he says. His eyes slowly travel up my body looking at my belly, the spot that holds my heart, a tiny scare on my shoulder I got from a firecracker when I was nine, a freckle on my neck, and pale-pink, Blow-pop sticky lips.

"I dare you to show me the 17th picture in your phone."

"That's pretty random," he tells me, pulling his phone out. I can see him move his finger and mouth _one, two, three _all the way to 17. When his finger lands on it, his eyes grow bigger and his mouth kinda-sorta drops before he closes it and regains composure.

"What about 16 or 18?" he asks. He looks a little uncomfortable and now I really want to see. I bet it's a super embarrassing selfie. I bet it's a cringy picture of him shirtless in the mirror. I bet it's a picture of something really, really funny.

"No, number 17, Edward!" I giggle as he looks at me. "Unless you're too chicken and refuse but then when you pick Truth, I'll just ask you to describe what the seventeenth picture in your phone is to which you can't _not_ tell me!"

He nods slowly. He's cocky now. I can see the tease in his eyes and the smirk on his lips. "You've got it all figured out, huh?"

I giggle and nod, actually pretty proud of myself!

"Fine," he counters, looking at Alice and telling her she might want to close her eyes. She looks at him with disgust and scoots closer to Jasper, putting her back to us. She asks Jasper to hand her a ho-ho and then asks him more questions about Emmett like "does he have a girlfriend," and "what does he look like without a shirt," and "do you think he would ever like me?"

I don't listen to what Jasper says. I'm focused on Edward who sits up on his knees and crawls over so he's sitting between me and Alice. "You sure, B?" he asks quietly with a slow smirk on his pink, swollen lips. I nod. "Okay, Isabella, but don't say I didn't warn you." His voice is over my right ear as he leans so close to me and gently puts his phone in my hand. My heart drops to my toes and my pulse races when I finally look at the screen.

It's a picture of Edward's bare legs. They're pale and covered in dark hair and there's a two-inch scar above his left knee. He's wearing royal blue, tight boxer briefs and there's something inside. Something big. Something big and he's holding onto it over his boxers. Something big and he's holding onto it over his boxers and it's pointing up to the left… and… _oh my,_ I think. Without rational thought, I pinch my fingers and zoom in. Next to me, Edward breathes softly and I'm so suddenly aware of where I am and how close he is to me and that I'm not even thirteen and I'm looking at my very best friend's cute brother's _penis _covered only by blue fabric and he's holding onto _it_ and I can see the tip of _it_ point up and it looks…

I suddenly feel the need to push my legs out and squeeze my thighs together. As I do, Edward's labored breathing picks up next my ear. He sounds like he just ran up to his room and back. He gently covers my fingers with his and pulls the phone from my hand.

"Are you done, Baby B?" he asks gently. His breath from his words warms my ear. Instead of answer, my fingers let it go. I want to look at him. I want to look at him and tell him he's cute. I want to look at him and tell him I think I kinda-sorta maybe just a little bit like him but I'm not all the way sure it. I want to look at him and tell him I don't wear thongs, but I will if he wants me to. I don't. I can't. I can hear how fast he's breathing. His chest rises and falls almost as fast as mine.

"Bella?" Alice asks, snapping my attention away from this unlawful boy.

"Huh?"

"Jas dared me to run around the yard with no shoes on! You comin'?"

I force a laugh, clear my throat, and I follow Alice up the steps to the back porch putting distance between me and her brother. Alice pulls off her socks, throws them at Jasper, and jumps into the snow. When Alice takes off, Edward grabs my elbow and pulls me back slightly. His fingers are soft and warm on my elbow and it tingles like when you light a sparkler on the fourth of July.

I can hear Jasper cheer on Alice.

"Truth or dare, B," he asks. His eyes are slightly hooded and baby blue-green eyes hide behind swollen black pupils

"Truth," I whisper, staring at his lips.

"Did you like it?" he asks, smirking.

I remember the nearly eaten Blow-pop in my left hand and put it back in my mouth. My cheeks are snow-blown pink and hummingbird wings fly inside my entire chest and migrate down south. My inner thighs tingle and again I squeeze my legs together. I don't know what else to do so I tell the truth. "I think so."

Edward stares at my legs and then my lips. His tongue peeks out slightly as he grabs the Blow-pop from my mouth and sucks it into his mouth. It was gross earlier when Jasper did it, but now it's different with Edward. I watch him lick what's left of the hard, sugar coated shell and just as Alice runs back over to us, he bites off the head and chews the gum, handing the paper-white, saliva-soggy stick back to me.

Back in the basement, Alice hides her frozen toes under the blankets and everyone sorta-kinda falls asleep after they rank the best and worst teachers in the school. I'm half listening, half high off of a royal blue, _dirty _boy picture. My dad would kill Edward if he knew what I saw. My mom would never let me back over here. _They'll never find out_, I think, tapping my toes on the carpeted floor.

I sit up slowly, not wanting to wake dirty picture boy or best friends. When my eyes adjust, I notice Jasper is at the short end of the oversized, L shaped couch. I'm not sure where Edward is sleeping, so I feel around for an empty spot. When I find one, I lay down and cover up.

"You ok?" Edward whispers.

His soft voice startles me. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry." I feel his head shake directly above where I laid mine. The long strands of his hair tickle my ear. "I've been awake. Can't seem to fall asleep."

"I know," he replies and after a few quiet, awkward moments, Edward whispers, "I'm sorry, Bella"

"For what?"

"The picture."

"Why are _you _sorry? I'm the who toldyou to show me when you gave me warnings. I feel stupid." When I whisper the last part, Edward reaches up and curls a lock of my wayward hair that fell on his pillow.

"Your hair smells like strawberry cream."

"Goodnight," I say, smiling.

"Sweet dreams, B."

Monday rolls around and I'm at my locker talking to Angela between third and fourth period.

"Rose told me there's a pop quiz in math today," Angela groans.

"What's it on?" I ask.

Angela says something but the blood rushing to my ears and my pounding heart speak louder. A small piece of pocket-worn paper sits at the bottom of my locker. I bend down and pick it up. When I open it, I see royal-blue boxes wearing, Blow-pop stealing, hair tickling boy writing that says _something dirty_.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you to all who are reviewing and following! Your thoughts motivate me!

April turns into may. May blossoms into June. And June rains into July. It's fourth of July eve, and Edward and Alice are arguing about what movie to put on. My legs are curled under my body, and I'm leaning against the oversized pillow that separates me from a very irritated Edward.

"Jesus, Alice," he grumbles. "Just put the fucking movie on already."

I've noticed he's been a little more irritated lately. Sometimes, when he comes home from practice, or with his friends, or wherever he was, he slams the front door, stomps up the steps, and slams his bedroom door.

"What's up with your brother?" I ask one random June night.

"Who the fuck knows," she tells me. Her mouth takes after her brother's lately. "He needs to get laid," Alice jokes. I scrunch my nose.

Edward has been putting much more distance between us since he dropped that note in my locker in April. Or maybe it was since he showed me his _boner _that weekend. Boner. A word I learned from Alice who told me it's when a guy gets super _horny_, another word, and then wants to fuck you with it. I laughed so hard. Her abruptness pulls giggles and tears out of me.

I glance at Edward for the first time in weeks and notice he's leaning away from me. I frown slightly and sit up, leaning away from him. Maybe he doesn't want to be so close to me. Maybe he doesn't like the way I straightened my hair today. Maybe I smell like all-day-in-the-sun girl sweat. The last thought makes me shoot up off the couch like it's on fire. Alice gives me a _what the hell?_ look and I tell her I'm going to grab some snacks before the movie starts.

"Need any help?" Jasper asks, watching me. He and I have actually grown a little closer in mine and Edward's separation. When I'm here after school or sleeping over on the weekends, he is also here. The week before school let out, Alice told me she saw Jasper laying into Jessica Stanley at her locker. Somehow, I got brought up and Jessica called me a "boring, plane ass prude" and Jasper told her to never talk about me like that again. I smiled when she told me that. I don't have a brother, but if I did, I'd want him to be like Jasper.

"But then," Alice starts, "Edward leans over to Jess, and you should have seen her face, B. The stupid fucking smile plastered on it." My heart fluttered into my throat. "He leaned over and whispered something, I don't know what, but her smile fell faster than me in high heels. When he was done, she slammed her locker and walked away. It was _awesome_." I thought for weeks about what he could have said.

I look from Edward to Jasper now. Edward has his head back, eyes closed, and his sock covered feet are wide apart. Jasper is already getting up. "If you want?" I suggest. Maybe he wants to get the heck out of here too. I wonder if I'm the only one who can feel the tension being let off by blue-green eyes and white cotton covered toes. Jasper nods and we head upstairs.

I'm pilfering the snack cabinets looking for ho-hos and chocolate chip cookies when Jasper clears his throat. "Listen," he starts. "I want to ask you something."

I stop searching and turn around. He's leaning back on the island, feet are crossed, and his eyes are downcast. Jasper is usually pretty confident. His permanent smirk is twisted into a frown.

"What's up?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"I, uh, I don't…" he trails off and rubs the smooth skin of his neck.

"What, Jas?"

"I think I really like Alice." He's looking at my feet and then my face. I'm smiling higher than I have in weeks. I wonder if he knows about Alice's infatuation with _him_.

"Look at him over there," she says one day after school. Edward and Jasper are shooting hoops in the driveway and we're sitting on the porch swing. "Look at his arms, and his hair. Look at his fucking smile, B." I push the swing with my purple boots and shake my head. She's dazed but not so confused. Jas is pretty cute for a pretty boy. He tries to block Edward's dunk, but my best friend's brother gives a fake jump and moves to the left, then the right before shooting it in. Alice gives a loud "whoop" and I watch as Edward ignores us. Butterflies in my belly fight to get free when he finally throws me a glance. I feel them free fall and scatter like their wings were plucked when it's a glare instead of smirk.

I watch Jasper now as he watches me. I want to tell him so badly that Alice counts his freckles on his face and scribbles his name on her palm before soaping it off. Being a best friend means not spilling the beans, though.

"Ok?" I ask.

"Ok?" he repeats.

"Well, you said you wanted to _ask_ me something."

"Oh, well, I just wanted to know what you think I guess?"

"I think you're freaking crazy," I smile at him and laugh.

His smile widens and I can see the way his eyes gleam. "I know."

We smile together for a moment before Alice yells, "Where are you two, nerds? I'm starting the movie in 5, 4, 3…"

Jas grabs four cans of coke while I grab an armful of snacks. Before I head back down, I go back to the cupboard and find a box of cheez-its. I empty my arms on the ground next to Alice, grab a tasty cake, and take my spot back on the couch. Alice grabs a box of cookies, Jasper takes the ho-hos, and Edward smirks when he takes the box of cheez-its. He doesn't look at me, but I smile too.

It's twenty minutes in and Edward's face is illuminated blue from his phone. He swipes his finger back and forth. I'm not watching him, not really anyways. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as he taps the screen continuously before hiding his phone in his pocket. I clear my throat. His eyes are unfocused on the TV. Alice is hiding under blankets that Jasper keeps throwing on her. His eyes are on her.

When the fifth person in the movie gets brutally attacked and murdered, I excuse myself to the bathroom. I need a breather and, don't get me wrong, I love scary movies, but gory just isn't for me. Nobody really hears me and nobody really cares. Alice is still too into the movie, Jasper is still too into Alice, and Edward is… I don't even know. I walk past him on the couch to exit the room and he flicks a glance at me subtly and quickly. Indifference replaces the scowl and I don't know which one is worse.

Outside, silent lightening sparks in the sky. I open the sliding glass door in the kitchen as a quietly as I can and sit on the back-porch steps. Next door, at my house, the lights are off and I'm sure my parents are asleep by now. I smell the thickness of the air and count the seconds between light-bright strikes and rumbling in the sky. I'm on 7 seconds when I hear the door slide open. I don't turn around, but I know it's him. I hold my breath and wait for him to speak.

"You okay?" he asks.

I'm suddenly irritated by his presence and I don't know why. Maybe it's the fact that he turns 14 next week and I'm still 12. Maybe it's because secret whispers in Jessica's ear. Maybe it's because he wrote _something dirty_ on a piece of paper and slipped it in _my _locker. Maybe it's because he ignored me for months. I pull my flat-iron straight hair into a high, tight, power-pony and look over my shoulder.

"Fine," I tell him. I lean forward on my knees and wrap my arms around my chest. I have lilac satin sleep shorts and one of Alice's old band tee's on. It's super oversized, so I knotted the side and I can feel the way it rides up my back when I lean over.

The glass door shuts and I think he's gone until I hear soft steps on dark wood behind me. He sits down beside me. I close my eyes. Six seconds pass between light and loud.

I can tell he wants to say something. I can hear the sound his mouth makes when it opens then closes, then opens then closes again. I can feel the air separate as he shakes his head.

"I don't know what the fuck to say," he starts, running his hand through his hair.

"There is nothing to say," I tell him.

"I can't ruin the friendship between you and Al," he says. I'm about to ask him to explain when he grabs my wrist and looks at me. "I've already ruined enough for my family, Bella. I pulled her from her friends. I forced my family to move here because of my stupid choices. She's never had a friendship like the one between you two. Whatever this is between us, I can't let it get in the way of that. You're too good and I'm not. You're bright and light and soft toes in the air and dark hair and strawberry cream and pink glossed lips and sugar sweet." He releases my wrist and leans closer to me. He's unloading three-month long thoughts.

"Boring, plane ass, prude?" I ask, looking at the hand pulling red-from-the-sun hair between his fingers.

The look on his face is _you heard?_ before it turns to _fucking Alice_ and then he puts his hand on my knee. His fingers are soft but summertime sweaty. "I told Jessica that if she ever talks about you again, I'll tell the whole school that she fucked Emmett McCarty and Riley Biers under the bleachers at the pep rally last fall. I told her not to ever say Isabella Swan or Alice Cullen again or I'll call her mom and tell her that her daughter had to buy Plan B."

My hand flies to my mouth and when the shock wears off, I fall into a fit of giggles. "Wait, she did all that?" Edward nods, moving his hand just a fraction higher. "H-how do you know?"

"Riley has a big fucking mouth," he says simply, his hand moves higher still. "You're so fucking soft, B," he whispers.

I don't want to forgive him so soon. I want to make it hard on him, but how can I when he threatened Jessica Stanley for me? How can I when he called me sugar sweet? How can I when he's sitting right next to me, baby blue-greens big and sorry? "You're good, too," I tell him.

"Hm?" He's looking at my knee.

"You said I'm too good and you're not. That's bull," I tell him. "You're loyal and kind. You're blue-green eyes full of courage. You're gentle knee touches. You're sly smiles when everyone's asleep. You're takes-care-of-best-friends-who-have-nothing. You're secret winks. You're perfect teeth and deep belly laughs. You're worrisome about your sister's best friend. You're basketball smelly and dirty pictures."

He smiles with his teeth and his cheeks are cotton-candy pink. He looks at me through deep, dark lashes. His fingers play at the hem of Alice's tee shirt. They slip barely inside and his fingertips trail against my skin. "My shirt looks good on you, Bella B," he whispers.

"This is Alice's," I tell him, watching the way he sucks on the center of his bottom lip.

"It's mine," he says softly. "She hates Pink Floyd." He's pointing at the front of the shirt where the band logo is worn away from too many washes.

I don't know what else to say, so I ask, "should I take it off?"

He chuckles and shakes his head. "If I say yes, do I get to see what you have on underneath?"

I roll my eyes. "No, I'll change in Alice's room!"

"Then no. I like you in my clothes," he whispers.

Before we head in, before rain paints our skin, I ask him the one question I've asked myself for three months: "Was the note a cruel joke?"

"No," he answers immediately.

"I told you to put it in your crush's locker."

"I did."

He's looking at me with bluer-than-ocean eyes.

"Jasper likes your sister." I tell my super-secret crush about his best friend's super-secret crush as we walk back inside.

"I know," he tells me like it's nothing, shutting the door and sliding the lock. I guess Jasper's super-secret isn't as secret as he thought.

"Did he tell you?"

"He doesn't have to. Have you seen the way he looks at her?"

What he says has me wondering. "Do you think _we're _as secret as we think?"

He shrugs. "Probably not, B," he answers quietly, ghosting his hand over my cheek and then to the main of my pony. "This is pretty hot," he says, wrapping it around his fist and giving it a little tug. I punch him in the arm and walk away.

In the basement, Jasper is sitting next to Alice who is laying on her belly on the floor. "This movie is sick as shit. This guy had to saw his own head off to save his wife."

I grimace. "Gross."

We spend the rest of the night talking about blue toe nails, fourth of July sparklers, and fourteen-next-week birthday plans.

When we wake up the next morning, Edward and Jasper are gone. Alice says sometimes their mom drives Edward and Jasper bacl to his house to get some extra clothes. I nod in understanding and tell her I need to go shower and get ready for tonight.

"Okay, but be back by five o'clock sharp!" We're all going down to La Push to watch the fireworks show they set off every year. I agree and wave goodbye.

When I arrive home, mom wants to know what I've been up to. "Nothing really, mom. Alice and I made a fort out of blankets and watched RomComs all night." It was mostly a lie, but what she doesn't know won't kill her, right? I leave out the part where we slept next to two teenage boys.

"Whose shirt is that?" Mom asks, pointing at the shirt I forgot to return to Al.

"Oh, it's Alice's. I must have forgot to give it back."

"Hm," is all she says before kissing my cheek as she disappears into the basement.

I spend the afternoon reading on my bed and painting my fingernails Shooting Star rose gold sparkle. In the shower I make sure to scrub my hair and shave my legs. After I towel dry my hair, I slip on a cherry red sun dress and white flip flops. I want to grab the brand-new jellies mom bought me, but I know the sand will get stuck in them all night. My hair is humidity-made wavy. I'd normally curl little ringlets or straighten it when it looks like this, but I like the idea of summer-time waves on my head and the beach.

I glance out my window and notice that Mrs. Cullen's white sedan is parked next to her husbands blacked out SUV. From my window, I watch as Edward slips on grey Nike sneakers before walking down his front porch steps and pats his pocket for his phone.

I run down the steps and I'm about ready to run out the front door when dad stops me. "Where are you going, Bella?" I glance at his hand and notice a fresh beer. He must have the night off.

"We're going to watch fireworks in La Push, remember?" I'm not sure if I told him, but asking this has him questioning. "I told mom a few days ago. You guys said I could go."

Dad opens the beer and kisses my head. "Be careful."

It's 4:30 when I make it next door. Edward isn't outside anymore, but it's fine because I still need to get ready. I run up the steps to Alice's room and when I burst in she whistles and blows me a kiss. She's pulling red shorty-shorts over white boy short undies and pulls on one of my white tanks over her black bra. Her hair is getting longer, I notice, and she has it pulled up in a super messy bun with a neon green scrunchie. Her face is round and her lips are so super glossed I can almost see myself in them. She has on blue eyeliner that curves up at the edge of her eyes. I smile. She's so pretty it hurts.

"Here, Baby B," she says, tossing me her mascara. Alice just gets me.

I swipe and swipe until my lashes are darkest black and point up _like Edward's boner_ I think, giggling to myself. I swipe light glitter on my eyelids and put less gloss on my lips than Al's. We take some silly pictures with her phone before we grab hands and run downstairs.

"Where's the fire?" Mr. Cullen asks. I giggle because Mr. Cullen is cute and funny and always ruffles my hair. He winks like his son and kisses his wife with pure, selfless, eternal love.

"Ew," Alice protests, taking my hand and running out the door.

Edward and Jasper are already in the SUV with Edward's other friend Emmett. Emmett's been over a few times this summer and he is the most raunchy, hilarious, beefcake 14-year-old I've ever met. I say hello before heading to the way back. Alice grumbles something about the boys sitting back there, but Emmett is so big he'd take up two seats himself back there so Jas and Emmett sit in the two seats that make up the middle row, and me, Al, and Edward find ourselves in the way, way back. We're squished, but it's ok. I'm in the middle, and I can smell cologne to my right and summertime coconut to my left.

"Wow, Bella," Emmett says, wiggling his eyebrows.

"What?" I ask.

"Lookin' good." Emmett winks at me.

I blush the color of my sundress and look down. Edward chuckles before reaching over to buckle me in. Jasper grabs Alice's phone from her hands and she leans forward, fighting for it back when Edward taps my knee. I glance at him.

"I like your hair, B," he whispers. I smile. "I like your knees, too." I smile higher. "I like your glossy lips and blue toenails." He pulls out his phone and plugs in his headphones. "I like the scar on your shoulder and the beauty mark under your eye." He hands me one of the earbuds to put in. "I like your long fucking eyelashes and the way your tits look in this dress."

Before I can reply or react or blush so hard my cheeks might bleed, Mr. Cullen asks, "we ready?" as he opens the door for his wife.

Alice gets her phone back. Edward turns on slow, steady beats. I look down at my breasts. They've gotten much, _much _bigger since I got my period at the end of April, but they're definitely not as big as some of the girls' at school. Yet. Edward cocks his head as I check myself out and when I glance at him, he's also staring at my chest. I shove him and giggle. He chuckles back and changes the song to something faster.

When we arrive at the beach, the boys hop out and disappear. Alice and I tell her parents we'll meet them back at the car by 11:30.

"Have fun, babies," Mrs. Cullen says, kissing our heads. Mr. Cullen hands us each a $20 to spend on food or games or whatever. Life is easy with the Cullen's. There's not second glances or worrisome kisses or "be carefuls". There's love and trust and soft mom smiles and cool dad handshakes.

There are so many people here and I feel like I could get lost, but not in a bad way. I see some friends from school including Rose, Angela, Ben, and James. Ang and Ben are kinda-sorta a thing and James is Ben's best friend, so where Ben is, James is. He seems nice enough, I guess. I don't really know him. He looks at me a lot. He has shoulder length blonde hair pulled into a bun and his eyes are darker-than-mud brown.

We spend the early part of the evening goofing around with our friends. We splash in the water and yell and scream when waves try to push us over. The bottom of my dress gets wet, so I pull it up a little higher. When I notice James looking at my knees, I drop it. I ask Alice if she wants to go find some food. She rubs her stomach and we take off.

It's eight o'clock already and Al and I are sitting at a picnic table eating corn dogs, fries, and sipping on diet cokes. Behind us, Edward and Jasper pull on our hair before they sit across from us and steal our fries.

"Hey, fuckers," Alice yells, "get your own!"

I giggle too loud and Edward smiles at me. I watch as his lips tug up and his eyes glisten with happiness. I smile back. Beneath the picnic table, Edward kicks my feet so they rest atop his. His eyes are superglued to my face and I want to tell him if he doesn't stop, someone will notice.

"I see red and white, but where's the blue?" He asks, taking a sip of my coke. I blush involuntarily and look down. I may as well have an X marks the spot printed under my belly button on my red sundress. A slow smirk places on his lips. "You saw my blue, B, can I see yours?" Number 17 and tight royal-blue boxers flashes in my head just as Alice throws a fry at Jasper for stealing her coke. Thankful for the diversion, I take a big bite of my corn dog and look away.

The sun is setting behind me, and when Edward eventually glances back over at me, he has to squint. He pulls Ray Bans from his pocket and tells me and Al to get together. He snaps our picture before I suggest we take a group one. The boys crouch behind us at an awkward angle. Edward's chin rests on my head and Jasper's on Alice's. Edward's arm isn't long enough and he can't take the picture from this angle. He tells us he can only get me and him in.

Mrs. Cullen walks over and takes the phone from her son. She instructs us to "stand up, walk backwards, keep going, ok now to the right, girls in the middle, boys on the end, wait, no Jasper a little closer to Alice, Bella put your leg out, yep just like that, Alice don't make that face, Edward you're a little too close, honey—"

"Mom just take the damn picture already," he laughs.

"Ok, say cheese!" she calls.

I ask to see the picture after she snaps a bunch.

Edward flips through and as I stand next to him, I tell him quietly, "don't show her number 17."

He chuckles deeply and shakes his head. "Number 17 is just for you, baby B."

He flips through until he finds the best one and sets it as his background on his phone. Golden orange painted with cotton candy clouds frame the background of four teenagers with smiles as big as the piece of pizza Emmett comes back with. He lifts it up and sticks half of it down his throat. He bites it off and chew, chew, chews. Al and I look at each other and fall over laughing. People walk around us with unapproving eyes. Emmett asks, "what?" around a mouthful of sauce and pepperoni. This sets us off more and when I open my eyes, Edward has his phone out and is snap, snap, snapping away. I kick his feet out from under him and he joins the spot next to me, laughing so hard his eyelashes are wet.

Fireworks start at 9:30, and the five of us find an empty log on the beach. It's pretty small due to Emmett, so we are all squeezed together. Alice and I are in the middle, holding hands, saying, "ohhh" and "wooow" after every screech and pop in the sky. My free hand is trapped under my thigh on the log. I feel french fry stealing fingers grip my wrist and peel my hand out. I glance over at Edward and he's watching the way green burns to white and red explodes into sparkle in the sky. Watching fireworks through Edward's blue-greens is more beautiful than watching them in the ink dark sky. Edward keeps his attention to the sky and I keep mine on him as I feel his fingers find mine. Warmth spreads across my chest and my heart butterflies into my throat and then my belly and then my toes. I tingle everywhere. Goosebumps cover my entire body and I shiver. Edward glances at me and smiles. I never, ever want this feeling to end.

"Cold?" he whispers in my ear. I nod and then he drops my hand to peel off his blue flannel and throws it around my shoulders. It smells like cinnamon and soap and hot boy heat and number 17 pictures. I put my arms through it and he seeks out my hand, placing it between us on the log. His thumb rubs gentle lines on the back of my hand and I can feel fireworks explode in my veins. We watch the remainder of the show until the finale.

Afterwards, Alice grabs the sparklers from the car and steals a lighter from her dad's friend. It's me and Al and Rose dancing around each other, writing our names with sparkles in the dark. I smile so high it hurts. I bump into Rose and she all but falls in Emmett's lap. Literally. I watch as she takes her time getting up and I smirk. What a couple they'd make. Edward and Jasper are on the side of us, talking quietly. I notice Edward's arms are crossed over his Beastie Boys shirt and they're both glancing at me and Al. Jasper smiles a big grin, rubs his chin, and nods his head. Edward catches my eyes before my sparkler fizzles out. It's black out, the only light comes from the bonfire down the beach. When I glance at Alice, I notice Jasper has her over his shoulder and spins her round and round. She laughs so hard I bet she's drooling as she pounds on his back.

"Put me down, you ass!" to which he responds, "never!"

I try to find Edward and when I do, I notice he's jogging toward me.

"No!" I yell, running the opposite direction. "No, no, no!" I screech. I'm not fast enough as he grabs my hips from behind and lifts me in the air. We're spinning and I feel like a red firework explosion melting into plaid cotton. He lifts me higher and spins so fast my dress picks up with the breeze. I feel cool air on places I shouldn't.

"Edward!" I giggle yell. "Edward, put me down, butthead!"

He chuckles as he slowly sets my toes in the sand. His hands are still on my hips and his lips are right at my ear. "I like your little blue undies, baby B." I bite my lip and hope for something else. I don't even know what else, but I'm not ready for his fingers to disappear or his lips to leave my ear.

All too suddenly, though, he pulls away as Jasper yells, "let's go!"

On the way home, I make Edward sit in the middle. I must have fallen asleep because when I wake up, he's unbuckling my seatbelt and telling me, "we're home, blue undie B," in my hair. I pick up my head from his shoulder and stretch with a little moan. Alice is passed out too, and he helps his sister wake up as Emmett offers me his hand to help me out of car. I mumble a thanks and Al and I zombie walk, hand in hand, up to her bedroom before passing out with our clothes still on.


	5. Chapter 5

It's July seventh and Edward's birthday eve. At 7:30, my parents leave to have dinner with one of dad's coworkers. I'm running a bubble bath and pour in half a bottle of Serenity bubble bath watching as the bubbles pile higher and higher. Alice and I spent all day in the sun and I am July-heat tired. We spent the afternoon laying out in her backyard before walking to the corner store for Mountain Dew and Sour Patch Kids. Edward and Jasper were gone all day and I kinda-sorta definitely missed them. The house was quiet and I had one ear open listening for boy laughs and basketball bounces. When I run the bath water, the home phone rings. I figure it's mom and dad checking in.

"Hello?" I ask, sort of irritated. They just left and are checking in _already?_

"Hello," says my super-secret, blue-flannel-sharing, cutest-boy crush.

"Hi," I smile into the phone.

"Hi, baby B," he yawns. "I missed you today."

We talk about nothing in particular while I relax sensitive skin in hot water. He tells me Jasper got in a really bad fight with his dad, so they spent the day with Emmett. He said he thought about me all day and wished he could have spied on me from the back porch while I was belly down, tanning my backside. I threw him a giggle.

"You're coming over tomorrow, right?" he asks.

"Why, what's tomorrow?" I joke.

He deadpans. "It's my birthday, Bella."

He relaxes after I giggle. "I know it is, E. I got you something."

"What is it?" he asks playfully.

"I guess you'll find out tomorrow."

"Is it something I should open in front of my parents?" his voice is lower.

I really laugh now. "Of course," I tell him. "What would I give you that you couldn'topen in front of them?"

"I don't know," he starts, "maybe those little blue panties?"

My breath kind of catches in my throat. He's never said _that _word when referring to my undies and it sounds so incredibly sexy. It's his turn to laugh now. "Oh you jerk!" I raise my voice, splashing my hand in the water. I tell him I'll see him tomorrow and we hang up. When my parents come home, it's after ten and I kiss their cheeks goodnight. Mom is one and a half glasses of wine drunk and dad is hugging her from behind. They disappear in the basement. Ew.

In my room, I'm not all that tired, so I turn my radio on low and fidget with the controls before I find something I like. I organize my desk, collect laundry, read a few pages for Summer Readin, and pick out my outfit for tomorrow. I settle on high waisted shorty-shorts and a white and blue floral flowy crop top with a stretchy neck and arms. I'll have to make sure dad is gone before I come downstairs or he'll never let me out of the house. I flip my light switch before walking over to open my window. Something outside catches my eye.

The back wall of my bedroom has three big windows that look out into our backyard and the woods behind the house. I can even see the Cullen's backyard which is pretty cool. I watch a dark figure hang out at the very edge of their yard walking slowly between the tree line and manicured grass. know it's him immediately when I watch one hand tug at his hair. His other brings a cigarette to his lips. _He's smoking?_ I think to myself. I'm squinting more but it's hard to get a good look in the dark. I watch as he brings the cigarette to his lips between his thumb and pointer finger. He inhales super-duper long and I watch the cherry red end burn as bright as summertime sun.

The next day at the Cullen's, Edward sits around the dining room table opening gifts from his family, me, and Jas before his friends come over.

His parents got him a laptop.

"Keep the pornography to your phone though, son," his dad says seriously. "Last thing we need is a virus on the computer."

"Carlisle!" Mrs. Cullen slaps her husband's arm.

"What?" he asks, genuinely confused. "He's a fourteen your old boy, honey!" He's chuckling now as Mrs. C shakes her head. "It's normal to have questions about sexuality. Don't be embarrassed," he says, looking at the boys.

My cheeks are warm, Jasper is frozen, and Alice is howling.

"You too, Alice." Mr. C is pointing his attention to his daughter who is laughing harder.

Edward shakes his head as he dismissively says, "alright, dad, I'll try to remember that." When Alice composes herself, she slides him her gift and he unwraps a new basketball.

"You know, since I ruined your last one." She's laughing but I think she's still a little embarrassed from the incident. Two days ago, when we were getting ready to play—well when those three were getting ready to play and I was getting ready to sit on the grass next to their driveway and eat cookies—Alice tried to do a trick and sat on the ball. And then it popped. And then she cried.

Edward was smiling, trying to make her feel better. "It was my oldest basketball, Al. I bet I would have popped when we started playing."

She grabbed what little baby fat is stuck to her bell and yelled, "That's it! I'm going on a diet!" I'm giggling as I grab a cookie off the plate in front of me and munch it up.

"Good luck with that," I yell over crumbs.

Alice is so far from fat. Her hips are narrow, her butt is bubbly, and her arms are strong. I think for a moment that maybe I should be the one to stop with the sweets as I look down. My thighs are becoming softer, my belly has slimmed, sort of, and my waist is much more defined. I have curvier hips with less of a backside and more of a chest. My breasts are larger than hers but my arms aren't as strong. I pinch the little rolls of baby fat and shrug. _Nah,_ I think, _cookies are way too good to give up_. Edward walks over, picks up a cookie, eats half, winks at me and offers me the rest which I obviously take. Jasper tells Alice he thinks she's pretty. They both blush before Alice grabs the new ball that Jasper got from the garage and yells, "let's play, assholes!"

Jasper gives Edward a new pair of Ray Bans and I think we all look confused. His mom puts a gentle hand on his arm and explains, "Jasper said you broke yours the other day and wanted to get you a new pair. We may have paid for them, but these were his idea."

"I've also been paying them back by cleaning out your garage and stuff," he defends. Mrs. C nods.

Edward looks genuinely happy as he gives jasper a head nod and a small "thanks, bro" and I don't know if he means bro as a friend or bro as in brother because that's what it feels like now.

When he opens my gift, the group picture his mom took of all of us just a few days ago set inside a royal blue frame, he glances at me through so long lashes and smirks. "I _love_ blue." He's smiling and I'm smiling and we're both giggling and we're the only ones on the inside of this joke and I feel high.

"Blue's pretty cool," Alice says, glancing at the picture of us that she helped me print.

Edward stands and does that weird handshake hug thing boys do with Jasper and his dad. He hugs his mom and kisses her cheek. He whispers something in her ear and she playfully slaps his side. He pulls Al into a hug, kisses her cheek, and whispers something into her ear, too. She hugs him back, nods, and smiles gently. "I mean it," he says to her before walking over to me. My heart races and I can't feel my toes. He hugs me, puts the softest kiss on my so-high-from smiling cheek, and I'm flying. He bends down to whisper "you're so fucking pretty it makes my fingernails hurt." I pull back and smile. I can feel my cheeks burn brighter than that cherry red cigarette last night, and now I want to ask him but it'll have to be later.

When his friends show up, they disappear into the basement and Al and I retreat to her room.

"Can you braid my hair?" she asks, sitting in front of her mirror.

I nod and begin doing the most perfect French braid I've ever been able to create. Her hair is so super shiny and thick. "I bought blue hair dye on Amazon, B, let's fucking do it!"

I agree and two hours later I'm telling her not to look as I blow her hair dry and throw some quick curls in the ends even though she tells me not to.

"Holy. Shit," Alice whispers, touching her soft, Lagoon Blue locks. "'Let's show the boys!" she yells, jumping up and running down the steps. By boys I know she means boy. And by boy I know she means Jasper.

Down in the basement, some boys are playing pool, some are watching the Mariner's game on the couch, and some are lounging on the floor on their phones. Our boys are some of the ones on couch. Jasper sees Alice and his jaw drops. Emmett whistles. Riley points and laughs but stops when Jasper shoots him a look. Edward hides a smile and shakes his head. When he sees me, he tells Riley and Emmett to fuck off onto the floor so me and Al can sit down. Al takes the spot next to Jas and I'm slouch-dipped from boy weight right into Edward's side. His arm twists around the couch and I'm leaning further into his side as his arm falls behind my back. By now he's whispering a gentle "hi pretty" in my ear.

"Hi, birthday boy," I smile, looking at the scar above his knee. The same scar I saw on that dirty picture he showed me months ago. I trace scar tissue with my pinky. "What's this from?" I ask. Cheers and laughs and friendly teases fill the room leaving it hard to hear.

"An old life." He shrugs, covering his hand with mine and moving it farther up his thigh onto his khaki shorts before removing his hand. I want to tell him he's only fourteen. I want to tell him he's not as old as he acts. I want to tell him to tell me.

"I saw you last night," I start. He doesn't answer so I continue. "When did you start smoking cigarettes?" He's still not answering and he starts talking to Riley on the floor about something that happened yesterday.

"Edward?" I ask, tapping his leg with drumming fingers.

He talks more animatedly with his friend on the floor and when he removes the arm from behind me and leans forward to chat with his boys, I feel my heart fall to my guts and my fingertips vibrate. I look around and notice Jasper whispering to Alice. Two boys behind me playing pool. Three boys sitting next to the couch drinking a coke. Emmett, Edward, and Riley talking about the coming school year.

After a few minutes, I'm bored and move away from Edward but he grabs my hand and pulls me back down. "Where are you going, Bella?" His friends are watching.

I'm not even sure what to say. Wasn't he just ignoring me a few minutes ago? "Bathroom," I tell him curtly.

He nods and tells me so secretly, "second floor and don't lock the door."

I furrow my brows but just as quickly, he's back to talking to his friends about what a "fucking bitch" Jessica Stanley. I know he says it for my benefit. A small smile plays at my lips. I tell Alice I'll be right back as Jas wraps a finger around one of her curls. I'm glad I didn't listen to her when she said, "it doesn't need to be curled, B."

On the second floor, I go into the bathroom across from Edward's room. He has one in his room, so he doesn't need to come in this one. It pretty much belongs to me and Alice. I'm swiping blush on my cheeks when he comes in. I catch his eyes in the mirror. Edward quietly shuts the door and the lock clicks like a bomb. His smile is sly and my breasts tighten at the tips. Edward walks up behind me and rests his fists on either side of my hips on the counter. He's inches taller than I am, but right now his head is hung low as his nose traces my hair on the back of my neck. My breasts tighten so tightly it hurts. He lifts his head when I gently squeeze my thighs together. There's space between our bodies but I wish there wasn't.

"I love your hair, B. I hope you never cut it." He's tugging a few strands between long fingers now. "I love your little hips," he whispers, scooting closer, lifting my shirt, and tickling my skin. "I love your pretty fucking lips and the way you bite them. I love your cute little knees with wrinkles and freckles. I love that your nipples are so hard right now." His head is lifted and I can see him staring at my breasts in the mirror until his eyelids force his gaze to my neck. His fingers dance their way down my neck and tug the stretchy neckline of my top down off my shoulder. I watch in the mirror as Edward puts his lips over the tiny scar on my shoulder. I close my eyes as he kisses his way up my neck right to my ear and whispers, "And I love the way your voice sounds on the phone when you're wrapped in bubbles and strawberry cream secrets." His lips are gone and the tips of calloused play-all-summer fingers rain up and down my summer-time golden arms. He smiles at me in the mirror and I watch his eyes glass like marbles with lust and life and fourteen-year-old who's crushing-on-baby-sister's-best-friend.

"It's so easy with you, Bella. It's so easy to forget how young we are when I'm with you. It's so easy to forget that I was a totally different fucking person this time last year. It's so easy to stay in the basement and watch scary movies and eat cookies all night."

He disengages from me and sits on the edge of the tub with elbows on knees and fingers pulling hair. I walk over to him and place his head on my belly and run my own fingers through his hair. He groans.

"It wasn't a cigarette, Bella."

"What was it?"

"A joint."

I nod slowly even though he can't see. "Pot?"

He chuckles. "Yeah. Jas had such a bad day yesterday, B. The worst I've ever seen. His dad started pushing him around and by the time I could get him to Em's, he was losing it. His fists were so tense they were paper white. I had never seen him like that. I didn't know what to do." I wanted to ask why he didn't call his mom, but maybe I'm just being a baby. Maybe when you're fourteen you don't call your mom for everything anymore. "Em suggested we smoke weed from his brother's stash to take the edge off and, Bella, I was so fucking relieved. For months I've been on edge. School, the team, Jas, everything has just been nagging and scratching and I just needed it. I needed to forget and just chill the fuck out. The second I swallowed smoke, I relaxed. Jas was opening up and talking about shit he's never even told me, B. He told us about how his dad hits his mom and how his mom gets so fucked up sometimes she forgets he's her son. I bought some from Em's brother and smoked again last night."

I'm silent as my fingers grip his hair. "Is it bad, Edward? Should I be worried? Do your parents know?"

He shakes his head. "No, B, don't be worried. I'm good." He lifts his head and smiles at me. "I didn't mean to ignore you down there, pretty girl, but Jas and Em don't want anyone from the team knowing, especially fucking Riley."

"What's up with him?" I ask. I've heard his name a few times over the last couple of months and it's never associated with good things.

He shakes his head. "He's just a punk ass kid trying to get reactions and be cool and whatever. He's dumb."

I laugh. "Then why is here?"

He shrugs.

"Will you tell me if it becomes a problem?" I ask nervously.

He looks up with a smile, takes my hands and kisses the backs with open lips so that it feels like his lips are biting me. I smile and he winks. "I will, B."

Back downstairs, the boys put on Jackass: The Movie and when it gets to be too loud, Al and I decide to sit on the back porch with her parents. Jas watches Alice jump off the couch. Edward's eyes are on the TV but his arm is slung around me and when I get up, he lets his fingers lazily fall down my back and really linger on my backside.

Outside, it's just-after-dusk-dark and the twinkle lights wrapped around the porch are dim. Fireflies are blinking around the yard.

"Your hair," Mr. Cullen says, eyes wide as we sit down at the table.

"I know, it's pretty cool right?" Al says, shaking her new locks back and forth.

His eyes bug out and he looks like a caricature of himself. "Did you approve this?" he asks his wife.

She's nursing a glass wine. "Oh, relax, honey. I think it looks cute." Mrs. Cullen smiles at her daughter.

Edward thinks being with _me_ is easy, but how can he not see that being here, with his parents and sister who love him so much they uprooted their whole lives to help him, is easiest? I feel loved and relaxed and _trusted _here with my best friend and her parents. They don't tell me to "be careful" when I run down the steps with Al to catch fireflies. They don't tell me "I'm trusting you, Bella," when I run into the forest without shoes. They don't tell me, "it's time for bed," when we come back after 11. Their family is bred with whole trust and complete love and undemanding communication and so much ease.

I take a shower, scrubbing my forest-floor-moss-green stained feet after we get back. I wash my hair and armpits and fingers and behind my knees with Al's coconut body wash. When I get out, I comb through long brown hair and dress in a pair of white cotton shorts that say "sweet dreams" on the back and a matching tank. I make my way down to the basement. The only boys left are Em and Jas. I'm relieved. Alice is sitting next to Jasper. Her legs are over his lap and he's rubbing her calves. Em's on the floor texting. I sit a little more away from Edward than before. Would it look weird that we were sitting so close with no reason to be?

"What were you doing up there for so long, baby B?" He has a Blow-pop in his mouth and I want to ask where he got it. He smirks, rolling it around his tongue.

"What do you want to watch, Birthday Boy?" I ask Edward, getting up to check the collection.

"You pick," he tells me. I shrug and look through the wall of movies. I love Steve Carell so I pop in The 40-year-old Virgin. This is a movie I could never watch at home. When Steve Carell compares holding a breast to a bag of sand, I'm losing it. Nobody laughs harder than I do. I fall into Edward's side and cry, cry, cry tears of absolute blissful humor. When I try to get back up, he leans down and tells me to stretch out my legs and lay next to him. No one seems to be paying us much attention at all, and even if they were, I really don't think I'd care. I grab a pillow and put it on his side before laying on it. I'm on my side and my head is in front of his heart. I can hear his heart whispering life to me. When I laugh, it speeds up. Edward hands me his half eaten Blow-pop and when I put it in my mouth I run my tongue over the same curves he was. I taste his spit and smile.

After the movie is over, Em and Al are the only ones sleeping. I yawn when Edward asks Jas if he wants to smoke. His eyes grow wide and he looks at me.

"It's cool, dude," he says. Jas nods and follows Edward out of the basement. I hear the back-porch door open so slowly. It's almost one in the morning and dark down here. Just as it shuts, I decide I don't want to be alone down here. I slip Alice's dirty flip flops on and walk to the edge of the yard. Humidity lays on the green grass that lick my toes as I walk quietly, nervously to my boy and his friend. What if he tells me to go back inside? What if he calls me _baby B_ and means it? What if he asks me if I want to try it?

His back is to me and when I tap on it, he turns around. Ruby orange glows in the dark as Edward inhales. He passes it to Jasper who watches us. After a moment, Edward smiles and a cloud of thick fog passes through his lips.

"What's up, Bella?" He asks.

"Just… got bored down there."

He pulls his sleeve up and looks at watchless wrist. "It's been minutes."

I laugh and then shrug. Jasper steps a few feet away. I'm not sure if it's because he wants space or wants to give space. It's just me and Edward and he's standing there with tall legs and long arms and staring eyes. It's dark and smoky and Edward's eyelashes are so long and pretty and his lips are wet from just licked pink tongue swipes. He reaches over and tugs a lock of my hair to break me of the spell he cast with bad boys eyes and hair tugs and sly secret smiles and kissable lips.

"You're too cute, B," he laughs lazily. Jasper's back and hands him the half smoked, orange lit joint. He doesn't ask me anything at all but he smiles, puts the end between his lips, and squints. When his lungs are full, he slowly blows a tiny bit right in my face before keeping his eyes on me and turning his lips to the side to blow out the rest. Piney, skunky, grassy smoke swims around me. I cough and cough and clear the air around my face. Jasper laughs. Edward kind of stares at me, watching my next move. I think about maybe telling Jasper about the super-secret, sorta-kinda, definite crush we have, but I kinda-sorta think he already knows.

Edward breathes in again and when he lets the smoke out this time, he lifts his head, neck stretched so high I can see the tiny beauty mark under his chin. His eyes are lazy, his lips are dry, and his fingers hand the joint back to his friend to finish off.

"What's wrong, pretty?" he asks so super low I almost don't hear him over cricket chirps. "You're either high as hell or horny as shit, B, and I know you're definitely not high from the little bit I gave you, so it must be the second one." He's slowly closing the distance between us and I'm so super slowly walking backwards wearing a teasing smile. His bad-boy-confident smirk drops when he looks behind me.

"The fuck?" asks my best friend who rubs sleep-dopey eyes and walks out into the grass.

-!-

Hi, everyone! Thanks for the kind words, follows, and favorites. I love to hear what you're enjoying or not enjoying so far. If you find the time, please a review. Until next time!


	6. Chapter 6

It's my birthday. Today I'm thirteen. I watch Alice as she helps me tear open my presents.

"I already know what it is," she says, "I went with our moms to pick it out when you were getting your phone with your dad."

My parents decided that for my Sweet Thirteen, what my mom's been calling it for a week, I would be able to get a phone.

"Now I can text you anything I want," Edward told me when we were alone the night before when I brought it over to show the Cullen's.

Inside the bag of too sheer and too much tissue paper is my very own tube of mascara and lightest-pink-it's-barely-even-there Revlon lipstick. Not gloss. Not chapstick. _Lipstick._ I smile higher than Edward and Jasper were the night Al caught them smoking.

She wasn't as mad as Edward thought she'd be. She was madder that no one woke her up so she could try it. She still hasn't tried it. Edward thinks she's scared because what happened with him. I think she just doesn't want to look high-as-a-kite, eyelid-saggy dumb in front of Jas.

"Mom!" I scream so loud I bet Mr. Cullen can hear me over his lawn mower next door. She looks at me and smiles as I tear into the packaging and run wax over my already glossed lips. The mascara Alice let's me use is way better than the one mom got me, but I don't even care because she's letting me wear it. I feel them loosen the belt they have tied around my waist by just a notch.

I know dad probably doesn't know or care, but I get up and hug him and I hug my mom and Al and Mrs. C and Rose and Ang and anyone else who happened to be near me. I'm straight sober but flying high in the sky right now.

After we cut cake, Al and I go sit outside with Rose and Ang. I'm eating forkfuls of cake when I hear, "Hey birthday girl," from across the lawn. Edward is shirtless, dripping stinky boy sweat, and his darker than space ray bans are shielding sun from pretty blue-greens. Jas is next to him wiping sweat from his upper lip with the edge of his shirt.

"Go away," Alice yells, "no boys allowed!" I giggle, but she's right. It was mom's rule and I'm not about to tighten the noose they just released me from.

"So, Emmett asked me out," Rose tells us later. Dad made us a fire in the stone fire pit in the middle of the yard. They almost never use it, and it took him awhile to get it started, but now the fire is so high and bright and hot that my shins are crying. I pull my chair back and drink the lemonade mom made.

"He did?" I ask curiously.

"I told him I'd think about it," Rose explains, looking at her fingernails. Cool. Confident. Devastatingly beautiful. Rose is a little older for our grade. She turns 14 this fall. Her hair is platinum dipped ice. Her eyes are blue wrapped in hazel, and her curves are so perfect I even saw Jas checking her out last week. Thank god Alice didn't. Edward hit him in the chest but I saw him glance for a second too before returning his eyes to me and winking.

"Do you like him?" I ask, stuffing my mouth with cinnamon flavored graham and sticky white mallows.

"Yeah, but I'm making him sweat it," she explains. "That's why my sister told me to do." A few minutes later Alice nudges her and says, "I bet he's got a big dick." Now we're all laughing and smiling and loving almost-over summer nights.

"I can't believe school starts in two weeks," I admit.

"Did you guys do the Summer Reading project?" Rose asks. "I just finished last week."

Alice's eyes widen. "Shit!" she exclaims. "I totally fucking forgot!"

We laugh again as she slaps her hand on her head and slides so far down in my lawn chair that it flips forward and spills her out. I laugh so hard I almost pee.

~!~

I'm cleaning up the party mess with my mom a while later. Alice says she's determined to finish the project that took me 4 weeks to complete by the end of the night tonight. I laugh and wish her luck as she hops the bushes that separate our homes. She must be serious because she didn't even say hi to the boys when they waved.

It's almost midnight and I'm in my bed with my new phone, lipstick and mascara still on. Mom and dad turned in hours ago and made me promise no phones after 10:30. I nodded, but won't they don't know won't kill them, right?

_Pretty, pretty birthday girl _Edward texts me just after midnight.

_Thanks, cute boy Cullen, but it's not my birthday anymore. You'll have to wait 364 more days. _I smile. I'm teasing him.

Two minutes later he calls me. "I like the way your voice sounds all sleepy tired," he explains then asks me what I did all day.

I tell him that I spent all day at my house watching him from a far and I've never been more bored in life. He laughs.

"I wish I could see your teeth right now," I tell him, rubbing small circles around my belly button.

He's quiet for a moment before he asks if I can sneak out of my house and meet him where our yards meet the forest. I agree. I'm throwing on jellies and an old sweatshirt because it is moon-shining-cold and my legs are already bare.

It takes me way too long to sneak out the back door. When I shut, I'm running as fast as I can. I'm out of breath and midnight-blind. Edward grabs my arm gently and pulls me with him. We sit on a fallen stump and he takes my hand in his, bringing it to his lips, and licks it.

"Ewww," I whisper-giggle and wipe it off on the back of his shirt. He puts his arm around me and pulls me in. Thirteen. I wonder what will change for us this year. Edward isn't pot high but we're flying so high it scares me.

"Feel different yet, birthday baby?"

I shake my head. "Should I?" I pick my head and look at him.

His palm grips my chin and his thumb brushes my lips before he shakes his head. "I got you something," he explains, sitting up slightly and pulling it out of his pocket. "It's not really anything but when I saw it, I knew you needed it."

He drops the thinnest, tiniest, daintiest bracelet in my hand. It's cold silver and the smallest little balls dangle from it. I ask him to put it on my wrist and he scratches is head. "The lady who sold it to me said it's actually a bracelet you wear on your ankle or some shit."

"Oh, it's anklet," I finish. I bend down and eventually clasp it shut in the dark. "How's it look?" I ask, holding my leg up.

"It looks like it'll be really nice in the daylight." He's laughing and I'm laughing and we're flying again. "I got you something else, I think."

"You think?"

"Uh, yeah, if you want it that is."

I nudge him in the dark. Of course I do I want to tell him but I settle for an "mhm". He instructs me to throw my legs over the log and straddle it. I do. He tells me to put my hands on his knees. I do. Keep them there he tells me. I do.

"Close your eyes," he whispers. I want to roll my eyes and tell him it's darker than blackest black mascara but I don't. My eyes are shut, my hands are on his knees, and I'm straddling a log.

I can feel Edward scoot closer and closer until his knees pin mine between his and the log. It hurts so good. One of his hands rests on my thighs and the other goes to my chin like earlier. I feel his thumb over my lips as he just barely separates Revlon-pink. In the next moment, his lips are above mine and his thumb slides my bottom lip down. Between my lips is his bottom and I freeze. He kisses me with swollen, sweet, mint flavored lips once, twice, two and half times before he pulls back. My lungs fill and release pine scented dampness.

Edward's nervousness makes his voice shake. "Was that… ok?"

My hands are still on his knees. "Yeah," I whisper. He laughs softly and kisses my forehead before we disengage and he holds my hand over bushes and when our fingers unlock to back into the warmth and safety of our homes, he tells me "I knew you'd your lips would fit so fucking perfectly on mine."

My stomach feels like butterflies exploding out of cocoons and Christmas-day-warm. I look at myself in the mirror when I get back to my room. I think back to when he asked me if I felt different. I didn't then but I do now. I feel his lips so gently sleep on mine. The weight of swollen, chapped-from-playing-ball-too-long-in-the-sun lips comforts me to sleep.

~!~

I'm thirteen it's thanksgiving and Dad had to work so Mrs. Cullen invites us over. I'm thirteen and my best friend's brother kissed me on the lips three months. I'm thirteen and my best friend kinda-sorta has a boyfriend. "It's nothing," she tells me. "Sometimes we kiss on the lips for like three seconds. That's all." I'm thirteen and the last time I was kissed was by my best friend's brother on my birthday three long, aching months ago.

Edward still grabs my hands under warm fleece blankets in the basement. Edward still smiles when I wear Revlon-pink lipstick. Edward still sends me texts like _wish you were here, _and_ I want to taste your sweet candy breath on my mouth, _and _come over so I can watch you curl your hair and stare at your knees. _Edward still lets me pick the movies when it's his turn. Edward still smokes with Jas when he needs to "chill the fuck out". Edward still tugs my hair and calls me Bella B. Edward still hates Jessica Stanley.

"She was rubbing his chest like a whore in front of everyone, Bella, and you know what he did?" Alice said the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We're in the basement lounging all over the couch while Edward stays at Em's and Jasper is at his mom's.

"What?" I ask, popping a piece of low-calorie popcorn into my mouth. I make a face. It tastes like cardboard and sog and forty-seven-day old bread, but I don't tell Al because she actually likes it.

"He looked at her, grabbed her wrist, leaned into her ear and by now she's smiling to the god's, B! The god's!" I'm on the edge of my seat. Literally. I'm leaning over to grab some real snacks. "He tells her that he'd rather be touched by Emmett's cum rag than her and then politely told her to fuck off. He made her cry, Bella. It was fucking glorious."

"Oh my god," I told her. "Your brother is something else," I admit, giggling loudly.

She eyes me. "Yeah, he is, isn't he?" She's still looking and I'm looking back and I don't want to be the first to blink because then she might suspect something because blinking first means your-brother-kissed-me-on-my-thirteenth-birthday-in-the-woods-behind-our-houses-where-we-go-with-them-while-they-smoke-sometimes. "Bella—" she starts and my heart races faster than my feet when I had to run the mile in gym class last week but then her cell phone ringing cuts her off and I'm so super thankful for whomever is on the phone.

"Jas?" she says. Brows knit together in worry and care and selflessness as she sits up straighter. "Wait, what? Calm down, I can't understand you." Silence. "WHAT!" the sheer resonance of her voice causes the follicles on my head to vibrate and tingle. Her eyes slowly find mine and I'm saying _TELL ME_ but I know the person on the other end needs her more.

"Where's Edward?" she asks. "What?" Alice is confused now. I wish she'd just put the phone on speaker already! Alice crumbles. She sits up and I know it's not good. She sits up and I do too. We run to put shoes on and wake parents and zoom off. There was a domestic disturbance at the Hale's house. His dad was choking his mom and he tried to intervene. Mr. Hale punched and punched and punched until Jasper's nose was blood wet and numb. He calls the only family member he has: Edward.

Edward being Edward runs the 2 miles from Emmett's house to Jasper's and knocks his dad out with a dining room table chair. No police were called on the insistence of Jasper's mom. I'm in the car and I'm crying because my boy saved him. I'm crying because Jasper is too good to deserve this. I'm crying because he's only fourteen and has seen more trauma in his life than some people feel in their entire lifetime.

On the way home the boys sit in the way, way back and me and Alice are superglued to each other in the middle. My arm is around and she wipes the tears that sky dive from my eyes. I have a basketball in my throat dying for a slam dunk. I need to cry so hard my head aches but everyone is so silent it hurts my ears. I want basketball dribbles, and one earbud in my ear, and phone stealing, and "shut up, Edward" and "I like your pretty little knees, Bella B".

We're almost home when Mr. Cullen tells Jasper he's going to fix up the third floor and he will stay there for now. In the rearview I watch as Mr. C's blue-green eyes find Jasper's. "This is your home," he says with a thick voice and a big swallow. "This is safe."

Al and I are in the basement, spooning on the couch. Her tears are so silent I only know they're there from the salt that spills on my arm. I hug her tighter and harder and try to love her pieces back together. Mr. Cullen is applying pressure and stopping Jasper's nose bleed. Minutes later the boys descend the stairs and fall onto the couch. The silence is earsplitting. I sit up and scoot over to Jasper. I don't know what he needs, but I throw myself at him. My arms are squeezing his neck and he gives me a so fake laugh he doesn't even try for another one. He's tapping my arm. "C'mon, B," he jokes.

I squeeze him tighter and tighter until I feel his arms loosely around me. I squeeze him and throw my legs over him. I want to cover him in such soft love. I want to tear open his chest and run my fingers over the fourteen and a half year old cracks in his heart caused by let down and anxiety and cleaning up his mother's puke and abuse from his father and broken homes and broken walls and broken bones and growing up much sooner than he should have.

I squeeze him and squeeze him and squeeze him until he's crying tears of anger and relief and sadness and hopelessness into my shoulder. Alice jumps up and hugs him from the side. Her arm is around me and him, and Alice and I work to rebuild. Alice kisses his warm cheeks and his cold tears and his dirty hair. Edward slumps next to me. I have my head on Jasper's shoulder. Edward's eyes are scared-for-his-best-brother blue and when I pick my head up, Edward throws his arms around me and Jasper and then weeps into my neck. Eventually, somehow, we move to the floor, tangled in limbs and love, and trust. We fall asleep.

The next morning I'm the first to rise. I step on the first stair and freeze.

"What are we going to do?" Mrs. Cullen asks. I hear her coffee mug _dink_ on the counter.

Mr. Cullen sighs. Newspaper rustles. "I'm a mandated reported, honey, I need to report the child abuse."

"What'll happen?" she asks quietly.

I listen as he explains things I know nothing about. CYS, and foster care, and next of kin are all foreign to me. I almost pull my phone out and write them down to Google later.

She gasps and I can hear soft cries weep from her chest. "What will happen to him?" she asks.

"Nothing, Esme, because we're going to fill out these papers to apply for foster care. He's going to stay here."

~!~

Hi, everyone! Thanks so much for reading, reviewing, following, etc. I've gotten one or two reviews comparing my story to another one called Dusty. I am pretty new to fanfiction and the Twilight world (I know, gasp!), so I've never read it. I spent most of the day yesterday and today obsessively reading it, and I can say that our stories are actually very similar but take totally different turns in terms of character growth and regression and regrowth and addiction. This story is actually based off of something that happened to me personally, and I think I've been waiting for a time in my life to explain it as an adult with mature emotional stability. Using Bella or Alice or Jasper or Edward allows for poetic license. I write it as therapy which is why there may be some mistakes, formatting issues, conflicting points, etc. This is a story I've been writing and living in my real life since I was young.

As far as writing style: her writing is so beautiful and I've always, always been a fan of utterly specific, smell it in your mind, taste it with your fingertips poetic verses that tell a beautifully specific story that make you read and reread and rereread a sentence in order for it to sink into your marrow. My mother once asked me, "how many colors do you see in the sky?" And ever since then it's been thoughts like August-sun-freckles on shoulders with hair that stands to wave hello, rain-painted-skin-burns, and so much love it hurts in my eyelashes kind of language. My husband hates it and loves it at the same time because he often has no fucking idea what I'm talking about. And, to be honest, I often have no fucking idea what I'm talking about either. If some of you think my writing is anything like hers, I take it as a generous, incredible compliment.  
Also, there is something up with the reviews and I cant quite understand it. I have seen and read everyone's comments for good or worse and take what you say into consideration. I am, for some reason, unable to respond at this time (hoping to figure it out soon—again, I'm knew to this) but please know if you've reviewed, I've read it. Someone mentioned the young age and sexually mature material. I get it, and it might not be for you, and I respect that. Like I mentioned above, the story is loosely based on real events. I will include a warning in the summary.

If you plan to continue along for the journey, I'll be so super glad to bring you with me. If not, thank you for visiting and I completely understand. Love and light to all!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

In the weeks following heartbreak and too many tears, Jasper is assigned a case worker, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen are approved as foster parents, and neither of his parents attempt to contact him. He doesn't seem too upset by the latter, but I think Jasper's super-secret keeping skills are much better than we think they are.

One night a few weeks back, Alice is in the shower and I'm waiting for her in the basement with Edward. His arm slacks around the back of the couch and the pad of his fingers brush gently on my shoulder. He's pulling me in and my head down to his chest and kissing my hair crazy. I'm giggling "stop" but he hears "touch me" and "kiss me" and "hold me" and maybe that's what I do say. Jasper clears his throat behind us. Edward throws him a glance and a nod and when I look at him with rosy, firecracker-warm cheeks, I watch him smirk.

"He knows," I whisper when he leaves.

"He doesn't," Edward says, sitting up and facing me.

"Did you not just see his face? He was _smiling_, Edward!"

And then he leans down and puts his lips on my chin and kisses lightly along my jaw and my ear. "You taste like buttermilk pancakes and sticky syrup, sugar baby," he smiles before licking the corner of my mouth.

"Hey," I joke, "I was saving that for later."

It's the end of May now. Warblers sing on treetops, numbers 17 and 24 play basketball outside again, and Alice is fourteen and one month old. Her and Jas still aren't officially official, but in the basement, when they think no one is watching, Jas cups her cheeks and presses his forehead to hers. I watch as they speak to each other through no words at all and kiss the air around each other's eyes with shallow sighs and light each other's worlds with stolen hand grabs and playful shoves. They don't have to be a secret, but they are, and that's the way my best friend likes it.

Two or three nights a week, Jas and Edward will disappear to the back of the yard, one foot in the forest, and smoke. I don't really mind all that much. Sometimes when's Al's awake, we sit on the back porch steps, her head on my shoulder, my hand in her lap, and we watch orange fire burn brighter than blue-green eyes. And sometimes when Al is asleep, I creep outside and stand tippy-toed tall behind Jas, cover his eyes with giggle-shaky palms, and say, "guess who?." Sometimes he says "Queen Elizabeth?" or "Lana Del Rey?" or "Kurt Cobain?" or "Robert Plant?". I look forward to his crazy-wild guesses through joint-holding-lips with two hands in his pockets. When I tell him no, he pulls me around and tickles my arms until I'm saying "mercy!" and then he pulls me into his chest and smile-scrunches his nose. Edward stands back and watches. He usually has one hand searching for the titanic in his pocket and the other in his hair or holding the joint or rubbing his neck. Too long and not-yet-red-from-the-sun hair falls in his eyes. I have to ball my fists to stop from grabbing it. Fingernails tattoo crescent moons in fleshy palms. Edward looks so incredibly delicious I could drag him into the forest and devour his heart and soul and says-just-the-right-things mouth.

When I play the "guess who" game with Edward, he calls me things like "warm" or "home" or "pretty fucking knees" or "_something dirty_" or "number 17". He doesn't take me in his arms like Jas does and I can feel his resistance evertime. I feel the boulders that strong palms and fingers create from the itch to touch and touch and dance-whisper on skin. When I drop my hands and walk around his body, I let them skydive down to his hips and walk across his lower back. His shivers won't pass as chills now that spring has midnighted into almost-summer evenings.

Edward once asked me if I mind when he smokes. I thought about it for a while as he and Jas talked about the game the next day. I texted him when we were back in the comfort of the basement. I told him I don't really mind because when he comes back all chill and easy and sky high, he sits next to me and holds my hand under the blanket or calls me _pretty baby_ or whispers his fingers across the soft skin of his favorite, belongs to only him, knee.

_I want to kiss that fucking knee so badly_ he texts me, breaking me from not-so-long-ago memories, right in the middle of a movie not all of us are engrossed in. Jasper's eyes are super glued to Alice who's laying on the floor eating 100 calorie popcorn bags. She's on her seventh.

"It doesn't work if you eat them all," Edward jokes.

"Fuck off," she tells him going for her eighth.

_I want to bend over and lick your whole knee cap, B. Think I could fit it in my mouth?_

I'm swallowing laughter and love and warm hearts and soft hands. _Wanna try? _I tease. He doesn't respond. When the movie is almost over, his phone is back in his hands.

_You're almost fourteen too, B._

I smile. _You'll be fifteen by then._

He turns to me and winks. Sometimes it feels like I'm always playing catch up with him. Sometimes it feels like he likes it that way. Sometimes it feels like he wants me to be one step behind him always. In a way, I'm glad. I think he means well. I think he means to keep me innocent and pure and _sugar baby _and _baby B _and_ pretty girl _always. I think he means to keep me young. But then he does things like text me at midnight and invite me to sit on soppy logs with slippery bark and bugs and laughter and hands on my ankles and fingers in my hair and words in my ear telling me your-ankles-are-cashmere-smooth and look-at-the-goosebumps-on-your-soul-Bella-B and you-are-mine and he makes me want to be older. He makes _me_ want to kiss _him_ because he still hasn't kissed me again. It's been too many long, lonely, dry months of sweet lips but not on mine.

Imagine someone bakes you your most favorite cookie. From scratch. They measure ingredients, sing while they mix dry into wet, and helicopter around the stove as not to burn them. When they're fresh out of the oven, still ooey-gooey-chewy and so brown-sugar-sweet it makes your cavities scream in passion. That's what kissing Edward is like. _Was_ like.

When I ask him why he won't give me warm cookies anymore, Edward tells me, "because when I start, I'm not stopping." His words are light but there's so much depth to them. _When._

"So don't stop," I whisper. I'm only thirteen, but I know where it tingles and why it tingles and I know how to stop it, thanks to Al.

"You know," she explains, cutting the ends of her hair with kitchen scissors, "flick the bean, jill off, paddle the pink canoe, girl's night in, ménage àmoi!" Alice carries on. She's not trying to get a rise out of me on purpose. I freeze before peeling over and dying of stomach-ache laughter and best-friend silliness. She's laughing because I'm laughing and then I'm laughing because she's laughing and this is what it's like to have a soul sister lying next to me, grabbing my shin and slapping the floor because of cant-catch-her-breath happiness. I want to ask her where she even learns this stuff, but I don't, because I want to learn from her brother.

Instead, I ask her, "can we always be this close?" and she's sings "forever and ever".

Back in the basement, midnight sun shines through small windows and spotlight Alice and Jasper sleeping on the floor. Edward and I lay on the couch in a line and our heads meet in the middle. Mine rests on the same pillow as his and when I turn my face to look at him our noses touch. I can feel hot breath come in uncontrolled sighs.

_So don't stop_ plays over in my head. I said it, and I'm not taking it back.

"You don't know what the fuck you're asking for," he whispers.

"I do, Edward. All of my friends have had their first kiss and _then some_," I emphasize. At lunch last week, Rose told us Emmett went down on her with his fingers. My cheeks burned and hurt from embarrassed smiles. She told me it hurt and was weird but she's going to do it again, "you know, for research purposes." I glance at the table Em, Jas, and Edward usually occupy. They must be having the same conversation because Em looks excited, Jasper looks concerned, and Edward looks at me. He's watching the way my eyelids flutter. He's looking at my burning cheeks under fluorescents. He's watching my thighs squeeze together as Rose tells us "I didn't, _you know_, but it still felt pretty good." And if Emmett can make Rose feel pretty good, I can only imagine what Edward can do to me.

"If I kiss you, Bella… if I start fucking kissing you, I won't be able to stop _there_." I feel his hand in my hair and he grabs it too close to my scalp and the pressure it creates sends prickles to the end of my breasts. Soft mewls bubble in my throat and before I can swallow them down, they're in Edward's ear and he's pulling me up and out of the basement so fast I thought he was going to wake up our sleeping friends.

Edward's hand is hot on mine. It scorches down into my soul, down into my toes, down into my eyelids. He's pulling me through the house just after midnight and when we reach his room, he opens, shuts, and locks his door. Nervousness tickles my throat and my belly button and the freckles on my back. His room is large and open and smells like cinnamon, number 17 basketball jerseys, and secrets. I go to sit on his couch as his fingers find my hips. I can see shadows and the way his eyes are closed through moonlight peeping in through windows. His nose skims my neck and his tongue slips up my shoulder. Another mewl.

"Bella, you gotta stop that," he tells me like he doesn't in fact want me to stop. He tells me like he wants me to _never _stop. I bite my lip and it's a good thing because the next thing I know, I'm being tossed on his bed. I shimmy my hips and scoot up.

"You're on my bed," he whispers and shakes his head. "What the fuck am I doing," is probably only meant for him to hear.

_You put me here_ I want to tell him, but I bite my tongue and then say something crazier, "tell me."

"Tell you what, B?"

I stretch my arms up to his neck as he crawls above me. One knee plants roots between my thighs and I wish I was wearing too-thin-and-flimsy sleep shorts.

"Everything," I moan when he places featherlight kisses on my clavicle and then my sternum.

He chuckles roughly. "I want to do that with you," he groans. "What Em did to your friend. You should have seen yourself in the cafeteria. Your cheeks were pinker than your favorite starburst and your eyes horny-high. I watched you open and close your pretty little legs to get some kind of feeling." He bites my bicep. "Did you, B? Did you get relief? Did it feel like flying?" I shook my head. When I pressed them closed, my belly tightened and I swallowed hard over and over and over.

"Only a little," I whisper but I don't even think he can hear me over the sound of soft love on my hands and arms, and inner elbows and when he bites the pad of my fingertips. Maybe it's me who can't hear him over the gush of blood in so many areas.

His sigh brings me back. "Do you have any idea how much I think about doing _that_… and more?" He stops his feather kisses and holds his head above mine. "The way your tits bounce when you're bouncy-excited, the way your ass shakes when you walk in those stupid jellies, the way I can just sort of see your cute little panties when you bend over to get something out of your locker, when you suck on your straw at lunch or the way your lips wrap around forks at dinner, and when you twirl your little pink tongue around the head of those fucking Blow-pops I always wish it was me."

I reach above and run tingly fingers through lusty, rusty, boy-sweaty hair. I love the way he dips his head and barely touches his lips on my throat. I love the way his knee is between my legs and if I just scoot down an inch or two, I'll be able to feel _something _there. I love the way he makes my heart soar and gives me safety. I love the way he doesn't want to corrupt me, but I just need _something_. And then he rolls off of and onto his back. His arms scoop me up and I'm laying on his chest listening to his hummingbird-wing-heart slow.

"Do you ever get hard?" I whisper into darkness so it can swallow my embarrassment.

He chuckles. "You saw that picture, pretty girl." He kisses the top of my head.

"Do _I _ever make you… hard."

He takes a breath and scrubs his hand over his face. "We should go back downstairs, Bella."

My eyes flutter close in rejection and I burrow my head into his armpit. He sighs again. "Jesus Christ, Bella, of course you make me fucking hard. When we're sitting in the basement, or outside smoking, or across from each other on the log talking about what you ate for breakfast, my dick is hard! When you walk in the hallways unsure of where you should be, the nervous-cute look on your face and the way you bite your lips just a little bit does it. Hearing you laugh with my sister through the wall fucking does it." He's shaking his head and I can hear his palm scratch his eye in circles above my ear.

"Is it like that for you with other girls… like Jane, or Jess, or Bree?"

"Not anymore," he whispers, turning on his side, touching his nose to mine. He kisses the tip and butterflies my cheek until I fall asleep.

It's seven and golden-morning light streams through my windows. I open my eyes and stretch. As I look around, I realize this isn't my room, and Edward is pushing my shoulder.

"B, you gotta go, my parents are up."

I sit up quickly and decide to play it off like I was in the shower. Edward disappears downstairs. When I'm dressed and presentable, I make my way downstairs.

"Where were you, honey?" Mrs. C asks, sipping a cup of coffee. I glance at Edward who's nonchalantly buttering a piece of toast. His eyes meet mine and he smirks.

"Oh, Edward was hogging the whole couch last night, so I went up to Alice's room to sleep." I grab a cup and pour myself some apple juice.

"Oh, really? When we went to check on you guys this morning, he wasn't there either." Mrs. C looks genuinely curious and not at all suspicious. Unless she's playing it cool. If that's the case, she missed her calling as an actress.

I look around her and narrow my eyes. "What, did you not have enough room after I left?" I feign irritation and roll my eyes.

"Did you just… did you just roll your eyes at me, Bella?" Edward asks, suppressing a laugh.

"Yeah, I did, butthead!" Boy, I'm really playing this up.

He shakes his head. A butter-smooth tongue licks a wheat-crumb-covered lip. He knows I'm watching. I bet Mrs. C knows, too. I glance over and her eyes are downcast reading the newspaper.

No one asks, but Edward tells his mom, "I got a phone call from a girl, so I went to my room. I didn't want to disturb anyone."

"You have a girlfriend now, Edward?" she asks, flipping the newspaper to section B7.

He stumbles over his words. "Well— uh, I… we're just…"

His mom looks up at him. "You're nervous?" she asks. "You must like her."

He smiles and looks down. "I do, mom." I think I see his shoulders slump in relief and excitement to get to talk about _us_ to someone, anyone. "She's kind, and funny, and her knees are so pretty and her elbows are marshmallow soft and her eye lashes touch her cheeks when she laughs."

"Good luck to her," Mr. Cullen jokes, coming down the stairs with a smile on his lips and a tie in his hand.

"Do I know her?"

"Maybe?" he replies before turning his attention to me. "Wanna play ball, B?"

He's never asked me before and I'm suddenly kinda-sorta nervous. What if I lose my breath? What if I sound like a dying hyena? What if he laughs at me?

"C'mon," he says. "They won't be up for hours and I promise not to laugh at you."

It's half past eight by the time we make it outside. I'm still drinking apple juice from a bendy straw. when Edward stops at the door to enter his garage from the kitchen, I almost run into him and spill my drink. He turns to me. "Wait here," he says, taking the stairs 4 at a time. I only have time to wonder what it's like to have legs as long as his before he's back and placing a jersey on my shoulder.

"Wanna wear it?" he asks like he really wants me to put it on, "so you can feel like a _real _ball player?"

I laugh. "Okay." I don't see it, but I can feel his parents watching calculated moves and careful words that slip from a fourteen-year old's mouth.

When we enter the garage, Edward turns and makes sure the door shuts all the way. He quickly peels up my black top, leaving me in a pink cami, and kisses where my jaw meets my neck before he's telling me to put the jersey on. I slip on a jersey that reads Cullen in big letters up top with 17 underneath. I feel like the best kept, dirty little secret. It's really big, so I ball up the excess and tie it with my scrunchy on the side. My shorts aren't as high waisted, so bits my skin shine in the early morning sun. He bounces me the ball and tells me to put it on my hip.

"Excellent," he chuckles, pulling out his phone, and taking my picture. I smile. I definitely have my fair share of secretly-snapped basketball pictures, too.

Edward takes his time teaching me how to dribble and passing and about defense and offense and different ways you can shoot and score a ball. When he starts talking about zones, I start biting Turquoise and Caicos painted nails and then he stops mid-sentence and dribbles the ball.

"Alright, Pretty," he whispers, "let's play."

I glance at my house and notice my dad's cruiser is gone. I hope my mom doesn't decide to drink her coffee on the front porch this morning.

He's dribbling much slower than he would if the boys were playing and I still can't steal it, but I don't mind because when he laughs and touches me with his arm it makes me wonder why we haven't played before.

Twenty minutes roll into and sixty and I'm sweating. I pull my hair into a loose bun and I'm actually trying. When Edward sees me struggling, he'll practically give me the ball. When I steal it and try to shoot, I miss every single time. He doesn't laugh; he encourages. He gives me pointers and tips and watches my breasts bounce in his jersey. I make a note to keep doing that.

"Here, let's practice those shots," he says, holding the ball between his wrist and hip. With his free hand, he pulls the edge of his shirt up and wipes beads of salty water off his face. He's behind me now, maneuvering my ankles and knees and hips and my body is on fire. It's so hot out, but this sweat is from the burns his whole-hand-grasps leave on my body. He bends to reach my short legs. When he palms my knee, his whole hand slowly slides up my outer thigh to adjust it backwards. "There," he whispers as my hip is situated right on his so-secret-private area that he numbered his basketball jersey after.

I choke like someone hits my back and when he adjusts it again, slightly harder and closer still to _him, _I'm all but panting in summer-sun, Sunday-morning, secret-from-beast-friends basketball game heat. His hips push forward the slightest sliver and he gives me hard and hot and not-such-a-secret anymore feelings. Under his basketball shorts, Edward is hard. He's showing me things I asked about it in private last night. I make him hard.

"Holy shi—" I start but then I hear her voice.

"Finally teaching Bella the game?" my best friend asks. Her voice is sleep drunk and I just feel drunk-drunk.

Edward clears his throat but freezes. I can feel hardness to the left of my tailbone.

"Well, hang on," she says, "I'll go get changed. This is going to be too good."

Edward breaths and separates from me. I turn around and look down and there it is, live, in person, dirty picture boy, _number 17_. My eyes are saucers and when I glance at his face, he's embarrassed red and ripping hair from his head. If he keeps this up, he won't have any left when he's thirty.

Edwards breath is pulsing and he's gasping. If anyone saw us, they'd think we had been playing a super serious, intense game of ball. "Jesus," he groans, adjusting himself over his shorts. My eyes are glued. He groans louder when he catches my eyes. "I'll be right back," he tells me.

"Wh-where are you going?" I ask, nervous he really won't come back. I definitely want him to come back.

"I gotta take a walk, B. I can't have my sister seeing my fucking boner." He says before walking around the house, muttering about "cock-blocker" and "fucking Alice".

It's over ten minutes by the time either Cullen comes back. First, it's Alice who's wearing Jasper's jersey and a pair of her own basketball shorts, rolled at the waist. Her hair is faded blue and in his pigtail buns. Jasper steps outside behind his girl in a Led Zepplin shirt and khakis.

Everyone looks so super serious and I'm cracking up the second Alice puts her hands on her hips.

"You ready to bring it, girly girl?"

I can barely see her over high-in-the-sky sun and I bring my hand up to shield my eyes. I can hear Edward dribble-dribble dribble the ball before he rounds the corner and does a layup. I can see his belly and the hair on his legs when he brings one up during his effortless jump. I squint harder.

"Al, can I borrow some sunnies?"

"They broke, remember?" she tells me, putting her hand over her eyes as well.

"You can use mine," Edward says simply. "They're on my dresser. Go get them."

I smile. He just invited me into his room in front of everyone. I stand there sort of dumbstruck.

"Hello!" Alice calls. "Get going so I can kick your ass already!"

I run into the house, past Mrs. C, and up the steps. I try to take two at a time, but I slip and giggle. _Maybe when I'm fourteen_, I think. His sunnies are sitting on the dresser and I grab them. I see red and gray from the corner of my eye and a thought crosses my mind so quickly before acting on it. I use the mirror on his dresses to give myself two fishtail braids, throw on his sunnies, and put his favorite Washington Cougars hat on backwards. I look like a girl from a tumblr picture and giggle. I fly down the stairs and out the door.

Edward looks at me and smiles higher than he was the other night. All of his teeth are showing and I keep this picture in my heart forever. Alice whistles and Jasper claps.

"Look at you, cool baby B," Edward teases, tugging the end of my braid.

"She's ready to play ball!" Jas announces.

"We should walk down to the courts," Alice suggests. It's a twenty-minute walk so we go in to grab bottles of water and maybe a Blow-pop. Outside, we start up the concrete, my arm is slung over Al's shoulders and we're trying to walk in sync when I hear my mom call.

"Where are you going, sweetie?" she asks from the porch. For whatever reason, my mom has been more lenient with what I do and who I'm with lately. It used to be, "be home by 10" and "lights out at 10:30" and "don't you think you're see Alice too much?" Now it's, "Be careful but have fun" and "make memories, Isabella."

"The boys are going to teach us how to play ball," I tell her, running up to kiss her on the cheek.

"Ok," she starts and then calls after me, "did you put on sunscreen? Whose jersey is that?"

I laugh and jog backwards. "Bye, mom, love you!"

She waves me off.

We're the only ones at the court, thank goodness, and the second we get there, Alice is untying my jersey only to tie it tighter, higher, so it ends right above my belly button. My little belly sticks out from too-many-midnight-snacks but I don't care and neither does Edward as he locks his eyes on the one-shade-lighter-than-skin-tone birthmark in the shape of a four-point star to the bottom and right of my belly button. He fixates and stares and smolders and later that night he texts me _I cant wait to trace that birthmark with my tongue, basketball baby, jersey stealing, pretty-as-the-constellations, sugar girl._

Jas and Edward warm up by running in place, stretching their arms, shoulders, legs, whatever. I say, "do I have to? Didn't we just warm up by walking here?"

Jas laughs and shrugs. "I only do it because Edward does." He winks at me. I laugh. Alice is bending and moving and stretching too so I guess I have to. Five minutes later, Jas and Al put themselves on a team saying boys vs. girls is no fair and she just _can't _be on the same team as her dumb brother. When I turn to look at Edward, he slings his arm over my shoulders and pulls me in. We pretend to huddle and discuss plays. He kisses my cheek and I tell him with a shrug, "guess you're stuck with me".

He whispers in my ear "that was the plan all along, number 17."

Edward carries our team. He's so, so good. He can run and jump and play defensive and offense at the same time and we still won. Alice is sore and kicks the ground.

"Were you even trying, Jasper!" she argues. He holds back laughter behind a sweaty hand. "Let's go, rematch." I've already fallen in the shaded grass and shake my head.

"You guys go on, I'll just lay here and die." My breathing is labored and I think I'm having a heart attack.

"You didn't even do anything, Bella," she chuckles.

I sit up on my elbows. "Rude! I was _trying_ but _someone _is a ball hog." I tip my glasses so Edward can see my eyes. It's his turn to hold in laughs as he sits next to me, gulping down water and breathing easy. "Ugh!" I say, looking at him.

"What, do I smell?" He's sniffing his pits.

"No. It's just not fair that you can be all tall and leggy and jump high and take four stairs at a time and play ball for an hour in the hot, hot sun and not even be out of breath!"

He's laughing hard now. "Bella," he starts, "I've been playing for years. My body is used to this. As for my legs," he says, kicking my foot with his and wiggling his eyebrows, "thanks, short stuff."

It's just after three and I'm starving. I moan and groan and tell them "I wanna quit". I'm still Edward's partner and we're trying to break a tie since Al and Jas won the last game.

"Alright guys, baby b is hungry. Last point wins and then let's go grab some food," Edward suggests.

Somehow the ball lands in my hands and I'm dribbling and scared-nervous and when I see Alice literally running after me, I do the only thing I can. I grit my teeth, shoot the ball, and girl-scream with my eyes closed. It's silent for half a second.

"Holy shit!" Edward yells. I crack an eye open and Edward is high-smiling and giggling, running full force at me.

"You fucking did it, B!" He yells, picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder. We're spinning and the butterflies that sleep behind my kidneys wake up in full force and I can feel their wings tickle every blood cell in my whole entire body.

"Holy shit!" I say, slapping his so wet back. "Holyshitholyshitholyshit Edward. I did it!"

He's spinning me so fast, and when he slaps my butt I squeal. He puts me down slowly, sliding my body all the way against his. I feel _everything_.

"Be careful, swear baby," he warns.

"I'm tired of being careful," I tell him.

He smirks. "You don't want our best friends to see the boner you're giving me _again_, do you?" he whispers, still spinning me.

I laugh. "I don't think so."

"Then stop looking at me with those eyes."

"Then stop smacking my butt and putting your peen on me."

He laughs endlessly. "Never," he whispers, setting me on my feet.

We're at the café now and Alice is pouting.

"Don't be a sore loser, Al," Jasper says, nudging her crossed arm shoulder with his. She scowls even more so he wraps an arm around her shoulders and brings her in for a hug. When he kisses the top of her head, she pops up with a smile. I watch Jasper's face glow when he sees Alice's smile. I look directly at Jasper and think, _life is easy-breasy when you're with the Cullen's_ and he returns my glance. He smiles widely with white teeth and laughs. Next to me, Edward is tickling my knee with his fingertips while looking over the menu. Alice gets up to use the restroom and Jasper follows her. When they're gone, Edward pulls and bends my leg so my foot rests on the booth bench and my knee and his mouth are on the same level.

I shake my head, holding in laughter. His eyes watch me the entire time his mouth descends on my knee. I toss my light as a feather head back and laugh so loud people at the next table look. His smile is wide as he pulls his lips back and uses his teeth to scrape my knee slowly. I throw a hand over my mouth to hold in gasps and giggles from teeth and spit and lips on my knee. When his teeth close, he places a gentle kiss over my knee and puts it back on the floor.

On the walk home, Edward let's Al and Jas walk further up, creating just a few yards of distance between us. Edward's sunnies are still resting on the bridge of my nose and his hat is still backwards.

"I like you in my," he pauses to glance down, "everything" he finishes.

My fishtail piggies are wayward and fringed, but when Edward tugs one to get my attention, I don't much mind. His smile is gentle and calm and too-long-in-the-sun slow. His eyes flicker to his sister and best friend as they laugh and talk ahead of us. He looks back at me and while our feet are carrying us home, in the middle of the sidewalk, broad as day, Edward leans over and steals a kiss. It's quick and easy and sly and he gives me his lips and I taste ketchup and salt from the french fries we just shared. Before I can react, Edward pulls away, wiping his lip with the pad of his thumb.

"You're cute and I want to keep kissing you," he whispers. My smile burns a whole in my face and when Edward slips a finger in the back pocket of my jeans, I'm so glad those two are ahead of us. Secret things are my favorite things and I can't wait to kiss him again.


	8. Chapter 8

"Is there going to be drinking, Isabella?" dad asks.

"No, dad," I tell him.

"Because I have ways of finding these things out."

"There won't be dad, I promise."

He gives me the my-little-baby-is-growing-up glance and says, "what does your mom think?"

She's sitting in the corner of the room, paintbrush in her hand, stool at her easel. "I think it'll be okay, Charlie. She went with them last year, remember honey?"

I smile higher than the sky and give them both kisses before skipping to my best friends and my best boy's house. It's the fourth of July and when I came down in a red romper, dad freaked. Luckily, mom talked him down. She gave me the talk weeks ago about being responsible and that I'm not a little girl anymore. I turn fourteen next month and they're trusting me. I smiled and told her through soft teeth that they don't have anything to worry about. Except for the boy next door who invites me outside on the nights I'm not sleeping in his basement and kisses me on the lips when no one is watching and texts me things like _wear red tomorrow _at midnight on July third.

The second I'm inside Alice's room, I take the white sweater off and she gasps. My best friend _gasps_.

She pokes the sheer lace around my waist and says, "no fucking way your dad let you out of the house like that, belly baby."

"Hence the buttoned-up sweater."

She smirks. She smirks like she knows. She smirks like _I taught her so fucking well_. She smirks like I'm the prettiest girl in the world and I hope her brother thinks the same.

I thinly swipe bright blue eyeliner across my eyelid before curling and brushing my lashes with black. My lips are glossy and my cheeks are rosy and my hair is curled, longer than last year, and the front is pinned back with cute sparkly barrettes my mom gave me. The romper is edged with softest lace and ties behind my neck. Alice hands me sparkly highlighter that I dust on my clavicle and over my shoulders.

Rose and Em decide to ride with us, and when Rose gets here, she looks me up and down on the porch as we wait for the boys. She makes me spin and says, "nice" with a wink. She's brutally honest and "nice" is the best I've ever gotten from her, so I blush.

"Oh come on, you so would," Emmett teases, jumping off the steps and into the foyer.

"Fuck off," Edward tells him.

"She's hot," Em teases again, his broad shoulder are to us.

"She's my sister's best friend, dude. Have some fucking respect," Edward says, pushing him away and freezing in the doorway.

Rose has her perfectly shaped eyebrow arched and her gladiator sandal hugged foot is tapping the wood. "Who's hot Em?" Irritation laced with a not-kidding-at-all voice causes Em to freeze to.

"You, of course, Baby. Who else?"

She turns on her heel and storms off to the car. I giggle and look again at Edward. He's shifting around by the door and everyone's packing themselves into the SUV as he shuts the door. Ray bans fall onto his eyes and when I say "hi" he says "hi" and we're smiling like two dumb kids on their first date.

"We're in the back, short stuff," Edward tells me, walking up to the car.

"You guys made a seating arrangement?" I giggle.

"Of course. I gotta sit by my favorite red lace baby, don't I?" And I beam because he noticed.

In the car, there's no earbud sharing, there's no seatbelt buckling, but there is fingers-on-my-knees and texts like _holy fuck, Isabella _and _I'm going to eat your neck tonight _and _I can't wait to kiss those lips._

And I smile because I believe he's going to do every single one of those things to me tonight. Ever since that kiss he gave me after playing ball in his jersey, his lips find mine anytime we're alone. They're always closed, but I can deal with that. Once, when Alice left to go "help" Jas with something, Edward leaned over, pushed me down, and kissed me so hard my head spun and spun and I wondered if this is what he feels when he lights a blunt and pulls in deep because if it is I no longer wonder why he smokes. I want to bottle this feeling that bubbles my whole body.

_Think of way we can sneak off, secret baby, I gotta taste your freckles later._

I want to tell him to stop. I want to tell him he's giving me tingles. I want to tell him I'm _wet_, but when he watches me squeeze my little legs tight, tighter, tightest together and sit up higher, he grabs my knee and separates them. I glance over and his smirk is devilish and corrupt and so kissable right now. His head shakes no and his eyes plant themselves on my lips. I bite the corner and Edward closes his eyes before putting his hand in the pocket of his black skinnies and searches for something deeper than his soul.

The rest of the ride is silent save for Rose and Em who argue about what Em said earlier and Mr. and Mrs. Cullen who lecture us on how to be appropriate and kind teenagers and when Jas turns around to tug on the french braid I gave Alice earlier, she swats his hands and smile-laugh-yells. She's wearing one of Jasper's old shirts that she stole to cut and splash bleach over to create her own little grungy style. The back is sliced into horizontal lines and you can see her bright pink bra. Her dad made a comment about being able to see it and when Alice said, "I guess I could just take the bra off," her dad said "leave it" and Alice walked away with a smirk.

Edward stretches and rests his long arms on the back of the bench seat that Alice and I are on the ends of.

"Not sure how _I _always get stuck in the middle," he says to everyone, but when he wraps his arms around mine and Alice's shoulders and pulls us in for a hug, I know he means "I'm so glad that I always get stuck in the middle."

When we get there, Mr. Cullen gives me, Al, Edward, and Jas twenty bucks.

"What about us?" Em jokes, holding his hand out.

Mr. Cullen closes his wallet and tells him, "sorry, only for my kids."

I watch Mrs. Cullen elbow her husband before he smiles and hands Em and Rose ten dollars each to which they decline with simple smiles. Rose and Em disappear to fight or makeup or breakup then makeup. The boys walk around with us this year and even though I have my own money, Edward pays for my cotton candy and diet coke. He looks at me, grabs a pinch of freshly spun sugar, and puts it on my tongue.

"You're so cute," he tells me over and over and over until my eyes are light and loving and kind of swimming with his.

Jas and Al disappear to play games or make-out behind the bathrooms. Edward and I are alone and we walk along the rocky beach.

"Your freckles look cold, B, can I warm them up?" he asks suggestively, stopping our stroll and leading me to a semi-secluded embankment far enough away from prying eyes.

He sits down against a rock and puts me between his legs. His arms are hugging me around my shoulder and I slide mine up to feel the warmth he expels. His fingers dance along my arms, tickling fat and rubbing smooth circles by the insides of my elbows. I lull my neck to the side and rest my head on one of his shoulders. My eyes are closed and I can feel rocky sand scratching my bottom, so I glide my hips back and forth to find comfort.

He drops his hands to my hips and his lips to my neck. "What are you doing," he whispers, kissing and licking and nipping at my exposed skin.

"The sand is scratching my thighs," I sigh, trying to wiggle away from stilling hands.

"Fuck, Bella, don't do that." He's gasping and his lips are at my ear and his fingers are digging in my hip.

"Why?" I ask, smiling because I kinda-sorta already can _feel_ why, but I want to hear him talk dirty and say _fuck_ again.

"You know why," he tells.

I grind and circle again and again.

"I'm fucking warning you, Isabella."

_I'm _gasp-panting now. The only thing hotter than _fuck _is _Isabella_.

He slouches us down in the sand and he takes each of my legs and lifts them over his own so my feet are slouch-planted on the outside of his knees and I'm spread wide open down there. Sea breeze picks up and I can feel it whisper on so hot skin in my undies.

"Mmm," I hear him moan in my ear. "I can _smell_ you, Bella."

I'm suddenly very aware and very self-conscious and when I go to shut my knees, Edward places both hands on them, forcing them open.

"Go ahead, B, do it now. Grind yourself into my dick so I can smell what I do to you." The pressure his hands have on my knees combined with his words open me up and I want to tell him wet again, for the second time this evening, but I think he already knows.

I try again to close my legs. I want relief. I want pleasure. I want the feeling I get when I think about Edward, late at night, when I'm laying in my bed, and my inner thighs squeeze me down there.

Edward keeps them open and whispers to me, "the worst feeling is when you're so fucking turned on and you can't do shit about it, B. This is how I feel every second I'm with you and watch you lick ice cream from a spoon or open your legs when you're laying on your belly so I can see up your dress or when I watch you try to get off with your own little thighs." He kisses my neck and says, "keep them open just like this, pretty-pretty."

I watch and feel his fingers creep up my thighs and my breathing shallows when they ghost over my so-hot-to-be-touched center and travel up over my belly and the swells of my breasts. His fingers ghost slower, heavier over my peeked nipples and I moan so loudly but he lets me.

"Fuck," he says. "I'm trying to be good, Bella. I'm trying to go slow, but how can I when you're here and spread open and I just want to lick you to death. Should I untie this, Bella? Should I untie and watch your chest goosebump from my touch. Should I untie it and blow on your nipples? Tell me, Isabella, should I?" He's pulling at the strings behind my neck that tie my top into a halter.

Before I scream yes from the top of my lungs, my phone rings.

"Hello?" I say, out of breath and out of touch.

"Where'd you guys go, B? We've been looking for you, and why are you so out of breath? Is he making you run? Fucking Edward…"

"We'll meet you at the hotdog counter," I tell her before pressing end and throwing my phone.

"Fucking Alice," he says for not the first time.

My legs are still open and I'm still breathing sea breeze into my lungs. I have _never_ felt a need like the one he just gave me.

"We gotta go, B," he says softly.

"I can't move," I tell him honestly.

He chuckles. "Jeez, if this is how you react from just words, I can only imagine how you'll be when I'm _inside_ you, Bella."

"Freaking Alice," I say, closing my legs and standing. He smiles and kisses my knee before he stands with me.

"I would have said yes," I tell him, walking to the hotdog counter.

He throws me a smile and a wink. "I know."

I order a hot dog and a drink and pay for it myself this time. We're sitting together watching the sun tire over crashing waves when Alice looks behind me and squints.

"What's _she_ doing here?" Alice asks. I turn around after taking a big bite and groan. Jessica Stanley. I roll my eyes.

"Hopefully she doesn't see us," I tell her.

"Go away, Edward. You're the light and she's your moth."

I laugh way too hard and Edward shoves me with his shoulder playfully. "She'll hear you!" he jokes.

"Edward!" she squeals, and I can hear her running over. The _click-clack_ of high heels on black pavement catches my attention. When she reaches us, she puts her body between mine and Edwards on the bench and stares at him.

He doesn't even glance at her.

"Are you wearing heels?" I ask.

"Uh, yeah," she says like I'm dumb.

"But, you're at a beach, Jessica…"

"Your point?" she says pointedly, scowling at me.

"Her point is you're a fucking dumbass. Who wears high heels to the beach? You're gonna sink in the sand, asshole. And are you fucking blind? Don't you see no one at this table likes you?"

Jess is _tsking_ and stomping her little foot and when she puts her hand on Edwards back I all but pick up the ketchup bottle and squeeze it all over her dumb head. But, before I can, Edward leans away and tells her politely, "Jess, I've told you before, I don't like you like that. If you keep pretending I do, we're going to have a problem."

Her cheeks are embarrassed red and I can see the glassiness of her wants-to-leak-tears eyes. "You're an idiot anyways!" she yells. "I heard you knocked up some girl in Arizona and you had to move all the way to Washington to get away from her and the baby. I hate you!" she yells. When she gets up to walk away, Edward grabs her wrist and turns to her. I'm watching calculated movements and barely there grasps on her wrist.

He takes a breath before saying, "I'm not sure what you heard, Jessica, but you might want to check your sources. I would never want to be with a girl who spreads lies just as easily as she spreads her legs. You're ruining my company's night. Please leave."

She gasps a wounded breath and snatches her hand back. "Sorry to interrupt your _double date_," she seethes, stomping away.

Alice looks at Edward with big eyes and an open mouth and so much hurt and anger and embarrassment. He's staring back at her with apologies and comfort. Jasper looks at me with compassion and understanding and a wall of support. When Alice opens her mouth, I plan to hear accusations about her best friend and brother but instead she mumbles: "how did she find out, Edward?"

The sun is setting and I'm sitting on a log down the beach from the party. The sky is orange juice sour and violent pink. I excused myself softly, claiming my mom called and I needed to call her back. That was twenty minutes ago. I've thought about what I heard. _Knocked some girl up_ and _how did she find out, Edward? _keeps spinning like a carousel that I've been on too long and want to throw up sugar fluff and hot dog buns. He was _thirteen_ when he moved here. How… why… The person who sits next to me interrupting my one-word judgements isn't the one I thought would find me.

I don't turn to look. I don't say anything and neither does he. He doesn't have to. He pulls me into his chest so tight and holds my head over his beating heart. I can feel it. He can feel it too. He is warm and calm and safe and his smells is ivory soap and sandalwood clean.

"Is it true?" I ask him.

Jasper nods. "But it's not what you think, Bella."

"Then what is it?" I ask

"Let him explain."

"Why hasn't he done that already?"

"He thought maybe you needed some time, B."

I nod. I did. I do. I have so many questions. Like, "why" and "how" and "what the hell?" and then I think I better get some better questions.

Jas lets me lean against him for a few more minutes before he breaks the silence.

"You're it for him, _baby B, sugar baby, pretty-pretty,_" Jas jokes, pressing into my lean. "He loves it when you stare at him and sit next to him on the couch. He loves it when you meet us outside and watch us smoke. He loves it when you guys sneak out of the basement when you think I'm asleep."

I pick my head up and search his eyes. He winks.

"Are you going to tell Alice?" I ask.

His lips purse in a way that gives me too-nervous-belly-flips and shakes his head. "No, but I should because she's my girl like you're his." He's silent for a moment before continuing. "Edward's kept a lot of my secrets. He's tried to make my skeletons his own. I owe him this."

We listen to the waves crash and watch the sky darken before Alice runs down to us. "Come on, guys, the shows about to start. We saved you some seats."

Her spirits aren't high as the sky anymore, but she's not crying like Jas says she was so I guess I'll take it. When I get up to go, Jas stops me.

"He likes you, Bella. Like he really, _really_ fucking likes you. I've watched the way he stares at only you. I've watched the way his hands itch to touch only you. I've watched him shrug away from girls at school and smile at the back of your head during lunch. He's my boy and I don't want to see him lose this thing between you, so just please listen to his whole story before you decide, okay?" He asks.

"Okay," I give him. When we stand to walk, he throws his arm around me.

When we're almost to our group, and I can see Alice cheering next to Rose and Edward looking straight at me, Jasper whispers, "You're a good girl, B, even when _you're _the one pressuring _him_."

I stop and stare at him wide eyed drowning in disbelieving embarrassment. But mostly shock. "You guys should start taking your late-night rendezvous to his room a little sooner, Bella." And when Jasper winks, I die. My body is melting and my cheeks burn holes in my face. I feel like crying from relief, or release, or emotions that I can't even name. Instead, I walk slower than I ever have and sit down in the only spot left, next to Edward.

I'm almost positive he can hear my heart over the screeching release of the fireworks. I know he wants to touch me. I can feel the pull of his skin and mine together. He and I are magnetically charged and when I feel his pinky lay over top mine, I turn to him.

He's looking at me and his eyes say _listen to me_ and mine say _I will_.

I see his breath release from his throat, and when he blows it out, I lean over and breath in. I want to take a hit of my most favorite drug.

Alice passes out after we drop off Rose and Em. Jasper's arm is around the back of the seat, supporting her head. He hasn't looked at us or said one thing to me since the beach. I hear the hardness of Edward's swallow grow louder and louder the closer we get to home because he knows.

When Jas puts Alice back to sleep on the couch, he tells us to "go on" while cocooning her in a blanket and sitting next to her. He looks at Edward and nods and they speak their weird only-best-friend-eyes-can-understand language and then I sigh because Al and I speak the same language, too. As soon as we're up the basement steps, I turn to go up to his room. He grabs my hand and it's like Christmas morning during a thunderstorm.

"Come outside with me?" he asks.

"Okay," I say in the smallest voice I've ever heard.

He holds my hand and takes me through the way he gets to our log from his home. It's cold out, and I'm only in this stupid red romper, so he tears off his button up and wraps it around me.

"Won't you be cold?" I ask. He's only wearing a white undershirt and black skinnies still.

"I'll be alright, Bella," he whispers.

We're silent for too long and the awkward tension of I'm-afraid-to-tell-you air balloons and pops the second I throw my leg over the log and face him. He slow-sighs in defeat and copies me.

He scoots in closer, my legs around on the outside of his, and my hips are hurting, but nothing like earlier, from the split until he lifts my thighs, placing them over his and we're so close it hurts like one-point-away-from-winning-the-season. I grab his neck and pull him close. I feel his crotch on mine but it's not sexual. He's soft, and warm, and scared, and _sorry _for mistakes that were made way before me.

And then that's when I realize that he shouldn't be sorry because how can I be upset, how can I blame him for things he did before he even knew I existed? Would he be upset that I used to crush on Laurent when I was eleven and when I played House by myself, he was _always _my husband? Would he be upset that I used to write Isabella Newton all over my journal the month before they moved to Forks?

"Bella," he breathes, and I let him suck me in and shatter around me. His body shakes silently ad the hold he has on my body pulls me deeper. His full palms are pressing me into his chest and his back and his legs and his heart and soul and I want nothing more than to be that, right here, for him now. I _want _to be the girl who breathes life and love and curiosity back into him. I want to be the girl he wants to spend Friday nights alone with. I want to be his, secret or not, and when I open my mouth to tell him, he's speaking for me.

"I was thirteen when it happened, and it devastated me, Bella."

My heart pounds like train tracks and I'm nervous-scared he's going to say anything and nothing at all.

"I've been with a lot of girls, like, a lot, Bella. I was pretty hypersexual since the day I got my first hard on. Ever since then, I wanted my dick in anything and everything that had a pussy and smiled at me." He loosens his grip and shakes his head. "I love having sex, B. I love going down on a girl. I love watching her come. Sometimes I'd have two or three girls _at a time_." He left a pause and I could tell Edward was waiting for me to recoil or stare wrong or slap him. I didn't. I held tighter and shut my eyes.

Jasper's words of _listen to his whole story _play and replay in my mind.

"I always used protection. Every single fucking time, Isabella, I promise you. But, and I don't know how else to say this B, I'm sorry… My dick was growing I guess, I don't know, maybe it wasn't, maybe the condom had some fucking defect, but when I put it on and it felt too fucking tight, I should have known. I should have stopped there. I should have said just suck my dick. But I didn't. I just threw her down and fucked her." I swallow so hard I feel like my throat breaks open and I have to grab my neck to check.

"How old were you guys?" I ask gently, finally finding my voice.

He takes a deep, shaky, nervous breath. "I was thirteen and she was sixteen." I'm nodding slowly. What the heck would a sixteen-year-old want with a thirteen-year-old? "It was my girl friend's sister." I feel him peel me back so he can watch my judgment in the dark. My arms go slack and when he untangles himself from me and push back, I hook the heels of my feet on the back of his calves. _I'm not going anywhere _my feet tell him. He finds my fingers in the dark and continues. "So, we're doing it and I feel something weird in there like a hair tickling my dick or something. I don't even know. I just thought it was her coming on me and it felt fucking incredible. Everything was wetter and looking back, I should have fucking known." He's grabbing his hair, and when I reach up to take his hand, he lets me. "I thought it was the best sex ever because she was older and knew what the fuck to do, so I kept going, and after I finish, I pull out and notice the top of the condom split open and there's my dick dripping with come." I breathe deeply. His talk about sex with another girl makes my heart dive into my toenails.

"When I tell her, she's like 'oh its fine, girls only get pregnant when they ovulate' and I ask 'well how the fuck often does that happen?' and she says 'once a month, I think' and because she's a girl and knows shit about girl shit, I trust her. I feel better. So, the next day she texts me and says that she did some calculating and turns out she was _probably_ ovulating yesterday. I asked her if she was fucking with me and she said no." He grabs my knees and not like his usual I-can't-wait-to-eat-your-knees knee grab. No, this is a I'm-going-to-fall-over-if-I-don't-ground-myself knee grab. I place my hands over his. It's hard to listen to boy you like talk about liking to put his dick in other girls, but I keep telling myself this is all _before _he met me.

"I told my dad the second he got home and he did the worst thing a parent can do. 'I'm so disappointed in your choices, Edward. We taught you better than that.'" He says, imitating his dad. "He didn't know about all the sex, he still fucking doesn't. Anyways, the girl texts me a picture of the Plan B box and I never heard from her again. A few weeks after the pregnancy scare was when they found the pills and powder that I told you about, the real reason we moved."

Edward's running a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck. I'm studying the way his eyelashes curl in the light of the moon and the freckles on his face from basketball camp last month. His hair is July-sun red-brown, my very favorite shade, and the ends are sticking in every direction from nervous finger pulls all night. I'm not as upset as I thought I'd be.

"Say anything," he whispers, suddenly conscious that his story is over and I can either stay or leave.

"Wanna know what I'm really thinking, Edward?" he grabs my hand brings the back of it to his lips. He doesn't kiss it or lick it or bite it. He takes my palm and cups his cheek with it. I can feel the burn on clammy-nervous skin. When he takes my other hand and places it gently on his heart, I feel the scared, fast, marathon pace of my favorite song.

"Yes," he whispers.

"I just keep thinking that you and I are so, so different. I'm the same age now as you were when this happened, and I _cannot_ imagine that. I can't imagine doing the things you did right now. Your life is so far from mine, and I don't know why you chose the things you did."

I feel him slowly loosen the grip on my hands. They fall to my thighs. He unhooks my heel from sore calves one at a time and I let him. He tears back his thighs from under mine and waits for me to stop him. He clears his throat as he pushes himself back.

"But," I whisper softly, scooting back over, grabbing his head and putting our foreheads together.

"But," he whispers back, laying his palms on my bare, smooth, sticky thighs.

"But you have showed so much control with me and for me and about me and I realize that _this _is you. This is the only you I've ever known. That boy who haunts you, that boy who's a different life is just that, Edward Cullen. He's a different life. This you who grabs my knee and bites it while your sisters in the bathroom? This you who teaches pretty-girly-girl to shoot a hoop? This you who laughs and smiles like first of the season snow? This you who holds my hand under the blanket and stays in with me on Saturday nights just watch me sleep? He's the one _I _know… He's the one _I love_." And just like that, the word is out of my mouth before I can breathe and I don't regret it at all.

"You're the sun in my eyes when it's raining kind of love. You're sleeps next to me to hear me breath kind of love. You're saves-my-innocence when I want to be so _dirty_-_bad _kind of love. You're knocks-out-an-old-man for best friends kind of love. You're the sand in my soul and the heat in my hair kind of love. You're whisper-touches in the dark kind of love. You're hip grabs and whimpers kind of love. You're "does the blood in our veins feel the same" kind of love. You're toe grabs and finger bites kind of love. You're the only boy for me kind of love. You're—"

And then he shuts me up with his lips crash we're falling to the forest floor. I hear thousands of feet scatter along limp leaves and I don't even care. He's on me and in my soul and touching every word I've ever said and sweet kisses in the backyard and ankle whispers and grabbing my hip and pushing me down.

"You're so fucking wild, Isabella," he smiles in my ear. "I tell you my deepest, shame-filled, fucks-my-life-up confession and you tell me you fucking _love me_." His teeth drag on my neck and he lifts up my arm to bite my armpit and _I_ _fucking_ _love him_. His kisses drag slow burns around my exposed skin and the way he overfills my cup with love and trust sets my mind on fire. He kisses my eyelids and elbow and he even takes off my shoes to kiss-bite the bottom of my big toe before he licks my ankle to my knee and kisses me right on the lips.

He sits up, pulling me with him and whispers caresses into my marrow.

"You, _pretty-pretty loveliest-girl_, are the fucking reason." He pushes and pulls me until I'm straddling his lap and he pushes the small of my back so I'm being absorbed. I lean back and laugh as his arms and legs and chest vibrate to swallow me whole.

"Edward, my knees are getting dirty."

He rests his head on my clavicle and whispers. "You're the song I sing in the shower and the reason my jersey is number 17. You're the little texts I read and reread even if they just say _hi, boy_. You're the blush in my cheeks and the reason I clip my fingernails. You're too-cold-toes on my socks. You're kisses on my jaw and dribbles on my heart. You're warm light and life altering. You're _prettiest girl in the whole fucking world_ and my favorite color. You're pillow-sharing, deep-filthy-secrets. You're my sister's girl and the light of my lover."

I smile and kiss him like he's never been touched before. Because it's true. He's never been touched like _this._ No one has ever sifted his soul like sand and run their fingers over grains-too-big-to-fit made of secrets and love and too-good-for-Arizona. No one has ever touched this boy's marrow and butterflied in it. No one, until me.

**Still with me? Quick shout out to my girl, Halsey. The poetry in her lyrics dazzle me and make me cry. Clementine is a beautiful-stunning song, and I love her. Review, follow, favorite, or just plain enjoy. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next time!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This chapter contains sexually explicit language and content involving minors. If this subject matter offends you, please feel free to skip through. There will be a time hop in the coming chapters as B and Edward get more comfortable with their secret. This is not that chapter. I will leave a TL;DR at the end if you want to skip through somethings.**

~!~

We're standing now and I'm brushing twigs and leaves and Edward's skeletons from my knees and legs and arms. When they're all shaken off, discarded in a pile on the forest floor, Edward grabs my arm and turns me. He's looking at me like I'm the first person he's seen his in his whole life, and maybe I am. He slowly pulls my lips to his and kisses me hard right on my already-swollen, fluffy-puffy girl lips. His hand palms the back of my neck, bringing me agonizingly, sinfully, tenderly closer to his soul. I feel his fingers sprout upwards and when they pull hair at my nape, I'm sighing into his mouth.

"I love you," he tells me simply.

"Same," I giggle, kissing his cheek and walking out of the woods.

Jasper is hovering around the edge of the backyard. He has a joint in one hand and his phone to his ear with the other. He's shaking his head then nodding. He turns around, mid pull, and watches us. His eyes dart to our entwined fingers and he smiles.

"I gotta go, Ri," Jas says, shoving the phone in his pocket.

"Riley?" Edward asks.

"Yeah."

I watch Edward watch Jasper watch our fingers separate.

"I don't want him at our fucking house, Jasper."

Jasper nods and when he offers Edward the rest of his joint, he takes it. It's a peace offering. I don't know anything about Riley other than he's total jackass now. Edward won't talk about it. Once during a game, Riley tried to block Edward's shot even though they're on the same team. It wasn't long after that he got kicked off the team for stealing stuff out of a teammate's bag during practice.

Edward sighs and swallows and shrugs off weight that just fell on previously lifted shoulders. _Stop _I want to tell Edward. _Let Jasper figure it out _I want to shout. _You can't be his dad, Edward_ I want to shake him.

"Everything go ok?" he asks, directing the question to me as Edward takes a hit, opens his mouth to suck in, and he's holding it.

I nod and smile. "I think so," I tell him, looking at Edward who smiles, grabs me, and bends me backwards.

He's blowing a cloud of smoke around us after tells me to "breathe in if you want it, lover girl."

I do, but only a little. I'm scared that someone will find out like my dad or Alice. The boys hang out for a while outside and I can tell they're waiting to talk in private. I'm emotionally beat so I offer to leave them alone.

I'm a few yards away when Edward asks Jasper, "you sure you know what you're getting into?"

~!~

Edward's birthday passes and he's fifteen now. Two weeks ago, oh a whim, he tried out for a basketball camp that he's been talking about since they moved here. So, on a Tuesday, Mr. C drove him up and on the drive home, they called and offered him a spot for the last week of July. Now, we're in his room, bag packed at the door, enjoying our last night before he leaves for Seattle Elite Basketball Camp. He's staying on a college campus, in the dorms, for seven whole days.

"It's going to be great, B," he tells me, flipping through the brochure from his parents. "Do you know what this could mean for me? For _us_?"

I shake my head. _Us _I replay over and over. "It's just a camp, right? Like you go and play ball for a few hours then you eat and go to sleep?"

He laughs and shakes his head. "No," he explains, "we do drills and sprints and talk about how to make this a fucking career, Pretty. On the last day, families can come up and watch an all-day tournament and the winners get a free week of camp for the next year. Scouts come to this kind of shit, Bella." He's fumbling and mumbling and his fingers are on my elbows and knees and he's licking the pad of my pinky.

"You're nervous. Why?"

His eyelashes flutter in summer-midnight darkness. "I don't know, B. What if I suck? What if my team is shit? What if _I'm_ the worst one on the team?"

I'm sitting on the sofa in his bedroom and he drops down, laying with his head on my thighs. He reaches up to twirl my hair around his fingers. "Want me to go? Then _I'll _be the worst one on your team."

He laugh-sighs and tugs my hair until our lips are telling violent, wet secrets with each other. "Come with my family to the tournament, B? Even if it's just from the bleachers, pretty-baby, I need you there." I'm smiling against his lips and nod.

~!~

The next morning, Edward texts me, _be out of the shower by 8:30_, _wet baby. And don't lock the door. _So, I am and I didn't. I have a towel wrapped around me, my hair is wavy and heavy-wet sticking to my shoulders. When Edward walks in, he locks it, turns around, and smiles. He's wearing low slung jeans with a polo and I don't know if it's just me, but he looks so much older since turning fifteen. His facial hair is light and patchy and it tickles my neck when he kisses my freckles. His legs and arms are so long, and now when he stands near me, Edward is a tower and I am a blade of grass. His shoulders have filled out, and his hair is more red-brown than brown-brown all year. His fingers are long and they can wrap around my whole knee cap when he sits next to me in the basement.

"Bella."

White bone catches my lip. He's looking at me with just-smoked eyes but I know he didn't. They're hooded and dark and swimming all over my wet, _wet _skin. I made this boy high. I make his mind and smile high. I make his hair and fingernails high. I make his _peen_ high.

"Don't call it that, Bella," Edward chuckles next to me on his bed one night.

"Why not?" I ask.

"Because _he _isn't a peen, that's why."

I turn to look at him and rub his ears and chin and hair. "Then what is he?"

"He's a big, hard, fucking dick, baby B."

He's walking over to me now. His steps are planned and he eyes my throat cautiously. "We don't have much time, B. My dad's packing the car." His arms are around me and absorbing my love and miss and hurt that he's about to leave me with.

I hug him back, soaking his shirt with shower-wet arms. "I'll miss you," I whisper.

"Same," he says in my ear, kissing softly. He pulls back and dances his tongue around my jaw and then my lips. He's kissing me harder and faster than he ever has before. Before I have time to heavy pant in his mouth, Edward picks me up and sets me on marble between two sinks. He places my hands, palm down, behind my back and pushes me to lean back just the slightest. "I want to leave you with a little present, Isabella," he muffles into my neck. "Just a little something to remember me by." I'm giddy and hope like hell it's finally an orgasm.

"But it has to be somewhere only _my girl_ can see." With his fingers, Edward undoes the knot of the towel and looks at me with _is this ok? _eyes. I bite my lip and nod, looking down as he leans. The towel slips and slides and puddles around the wetness leaking from untouched folds. I'm totally bare from my belly button up and he's _never _seen this much of me before.

"Fuck," he sings, putting his lips between my breasts. He circles each one with nose before whispering love and lips across the bottom. My breasts are pert, but he grabs my right wrist and places it up and against the mirror, holding it there to stretch me. My breast lifts slightly higher than before. "Fuck, Bella."

He's staring right at my flushed pink and so hard nipple. His mouth is right there, and I maybe jut out slightly, hoping he'll take it in his mouth. His mouth opens and he kisses the side, taking soft, thin skin between his teeth and pulling. It tugs my nipple and I'm jerking my hips. "Hold still," he whispers, moving his lips to the side and underswell of my breast. He vacuums my skin into his mouth and breathes me alive. I feel teeth grab and pull my skin like pulls from a joint. He keeps skin in his mouth and lets it burn like smoke. Edward's taking the biggest hit of his life. I'm his drug; I'm making him high.

I circle my hips, grinding myself on rough terrycloth and it feels _good_. I circle and circle and gyrate front and back. Blue-greens burn into me and I feel it.

His sucking and my circling and when he bit right next to my nipple cause a very lazy "oh, shit." I caress his head and pull his hair with my other hand. "Edward," I plead into wet air. He sucks my skin harder and I can feel the violent red-purple he gifts. Blood gushes under my skin and pools there. There, and everywhere. When he's done, he licks and sucks and kisses.

"There," he says, rubbing it with his thumb. "Do you like it, B? I made it just for you." And then his hand palms my ribs and his thumb brushes my underboob. And then, more to himself than me, I hear him whisper, "I'm going to taste these soon."

My eyes are practically shut now. I'm panting so hard and heavy and it hurts in my chest and _down there_. He can tell. He helps me sit up and wraps the towel back around my body, tugging it tighter than before.

"I love the shit out of you, Bella. I'll call you, ok?" He kisses me softer. His lips are swollen from bruising my chest and when I pull his lip with my teeth he bites back.

He watches me easily now. He watches my dilated pupils and heavy chest. He watches the way my lips swell red and how hard my nipples are under the towel. He watches my hand move to his jeans and then he backs away.

His hand is on the door knob when I say "I love you."

He turns his head and smiles at me. "Same."

~!~

It's been three days and I'm bored. Mom makes me stay home at night during the week.

"We just never see you anymore, baby," mom says and I cringe. Baby sounds all wrong when my mom says it. It's young and childish and innocent.

"Mom, I don't think I'm a baby anymore."

Her hands slow the washing of the lasagna pan. "Awe, you'll always be my baby, Bella."

"I know, mom, but maybe you could just call me Bella now. I'm going to be fourteen in a few days and—"

"Fourteen doesn't make you any less my baby," she says simply and I sigh. I want to tell her the only baby I am is sugar baby and swear baby and pretty baby and baby B.

I help clean the table and ask, "where's dad?" It's not like him to miss dinner.

"Oh, he's pulling some extra shifts at the station. I guess they're working on something big." Her hand waves me off. I clear the rest of the table and call Al.

"I'm bored," she says.

"Me too."

"Come over."

"Can't. Mom says she never sees me anymore."

"Want me to come over?"

"Yes."

And four minutes later she's knocking on the front door.

"Wow, Alice, what a surprise," I joke as she pushes me over.

"Why are you taking my sister from me?" Alice whines to my mom, helping dry the dishes my mom is washing. When she hands me one of the dishes to put away, I want to tell her _this isn't why I invited you! _but I let her butter my mom up. Alice throws her polite little giggles and laughs at my mom's jokes. When mom asks if we'd like to paint with her in the basement, Alice says, "actually, yeah." So, now here we are. Al and I share a stool and my mom lays acrylics out on paper plates.

"Very cool, Mrs. Swan," Alice tells her and I'm pretty sure she's being serious. My best friend listens as my mom tells us to just paint what we feel. Alice grabs a brush and mimics my mom. Her brush swallows purple and white and bleeds lilac on white canvas. I swirl milky red and sunburnt orange and dot some of Al's lilac on the corners. Gray smoke swirls the corner of the canvas and I watch as yellow drips down the sides.

"Beautiful, Bella," mom whispers.

"It's nothing special," I tell her. "Just some random colors."

"Not random at all. You put those specific colors on those specific places for a reason, sweetie." Her smile is _I'm trying_ and _you're still my baby_ and mine says _I know, mom_.

Alice's painting is blonde hair and white teeth and dirty gray sneakers and all Jas. She smiles after her brush is down.

"Can I keep it?" she asks my mom who nods.

"Leave it here to dry overnight. You can pick it up tomorrow."

Alice nods and we jog up the steps, shutting the door.

"Your mom's pretty chill, B."

I shrug. "Yeah I guess."

We watch movies until eleven and when Jasper calls her, Alice tells me goodnight. I wonder what they do alone with no one there.

"Honestly? Nothing. And I'm getting sick of it," she yells. "I'm fucking horny, Bella. He won't even finger me. I don't get it."

"Have you talked to him about it?" I ask, turning towards her.

"I try! It's like… I don't know… he doesn't want me or something. He probably thinks I'm ugly. He's probably sick of me. He probably thinks of me as his fucking sister now."

"Alice Cullen, you are _not _ugly. Maybe he's scared. Maybe he wants to preserve your innocence."

"There's nothing to preserve!"

My eyes grow and my stun shows. "What?" Alice is blushing. _Blushing! _"Spill it, Alice. I can't believe you never told me."

"Well, I sort of did that one time we played truth or dare but then you never asked again and I never told you." She shrugs. "It's really nothing. I mean, I'm still a virgin, but before I moved here, I let a guy go down on me."

"What was it like?"

"Honestly? Horrible." She shakes her head in disappointment. "I've heard my brother bring girls home when our parents were out and they would _scream_ Bella. Like, fucking screech and pray to God and oh my god ew I'm gonna throw up." She fake chokes, grabbing her flushed red cheeks and keeling over. I giggle. She's talking about my boy with other girls, but what she says sounds about right, so I nod. She shakes chills out of her arms and neck. "Anyways, I heard what they sounded like, and it wasn't like just one girl, it was a lot so I figured sex stuff probably feels good as shit right? Well, I let the boy who kissed me use his fingers and when that sucked, he put his mouth on me and it was nothing like what those girls sounded like."

We're sitting in silence and I'm nodding. A sly smile plays on my lips. "So, you're saying your brother is a sex god?"

She roars with surprised laughter. "Fuck off!" she says, sticking her finger down her throat in mock puking. I laugh so hard my eyes are spewing salty tears on her shirt.

After Alice leaves, I say goodnight to my mom and head to bed. It's midnight and I glance at my phone. Nothing. I haven't heard from Edward since yesterday morning and it was a short _things are good. Very tired. I can't wait to smell your breath and lick the inside of your skin. Love you, hickey girl._

I don't want to call him so late, so I send a simple _you're the blue in my eyes and tingle in my undies. I love you._

The next morning, my phone beeps at 5:55 with _same ;)_

~!~

It's Friday and the beginning of August. It's my birthday month, and I'm almost not thirteen anymore. "What should we do?" Alice asks.

I shrug. "I don't know."

We're laying out on beach towels in her backyard. The sun touches my skin and warms the love-suck Edward made for me. It's there and yellow-green-sprite edged with amethyst on my pale skin. I'm wearing a blue one piece that dips low in the back to hide his affection. Jasper is sitting next to Alice and he's reading Jack Kerouac for Summer Reading. He's bored without Edward, but Alice says he's been meeting up with Riley Biers to play ball or something.

"Should we have a beach party at La Push?" Alice asks. "Like "Fourth of July" only "Fourteen for B"."

I shrug. "Okay. Who should we invite? Think your parents will take us, Al? My dad will never go for it."

"Totally. We can invite Em and Rose, if they're still together by then, you know how that goes. We can invite Ang and Ben, James, some of the boys from the team? Who are the nice ones, Jas?"

"Hmmm," he starts. "Sam and Jake are pretty ok. Paul and Erik are kind of annoying in a nerdy way, but they're harmless."

"Invite them too. Let's make it big. Baby B only turns fourteen once." Alice winks at me and I'm giddy high as I turn on my belly. I play with my phone for a while. My skin is tinged pink and sizzled and I'm about to tell Alice I'm roasted when I get a _ding! _from my phone.

_Hi pretty lips._

_Hi cute boy._

_Tell me what you're doing, baby B._

_Making plans for my birthday. We're thinking La Push. Will you come?_

_Only if you wear that cute little blue thing with no back ;)_

I whip my head to Jasper immediately and he's howling.

"Jasper," Alice says, turning over in boredom. "Quit sending Bella dirty pictures."

He laughs louder. "I didn't. At least not to _her_."

I shake my head and blush under the dark glasses shielding my eyes. I think of a smart rebuttal for a few minutes.

_Only if you promise to take it off afterwards._

He's silent for a few minutes and I smirk, celebrating my victory. I'm looking through our pictures when my phone vibrates.

_You don't know how hard you make my dick, B. I can't wait to watch you suck it._

Goosebumps rake my body and I'm tingling everywhere. I can't talk like Edward. Well, I don't talk like Edward, but I sometimes think he wants me to, so I think of words I've heard Jas, Al, and Edward say sometimes in the basement and create an awkward sentence. I press send before I can think three times about it.

_Your cock will feel nice in my mouth and in between my boobs. _

_I'm gonna jerk off to that later, B. I love you. I miss you._

_Same_ I tell him.

_You're gonna jerk it later, too, pretty lips?_

I bite my lip and play the game. My stomach knots so low it burn-tugs. _Maybe._

_I'll call you later Bella. Answer. _

I turn over and lay on my back. I catch Jasper's eyes. He's crazy smiling, holding in late-night secrets and love whispers and so much trust that I really owe Jas but when Alice's mom calls her inside for something, I throw my girl a bone and, hopefully, maybe even a boner.

"What's up with you two?" I ask, sitting criss -cross on my towel.

"What do you mean?" He closes his book.

"C'mon, we don't have a lot of time. Alice really likes you. She wants things to move forward. She wants you to go down on her, Jas. Give her something. It's been forever."

He shakes his head and runs his hand through his bright-from-sun blonde hair. He's been hanging around Edward way too much. "It's more than that, Bella. It's love and life and the reason for existing. Before it all, before this was my permanent address, Bella, she was calling me every night to make sure I was _alive_. She was writing me little letters and putting them in my overnight bag. She was telling her mom to have sandwich stuff here always so I could eat. You and Edward have your little secrets, but so do we, B. You have late nights and secret texts and stolen kisses and knee tickles. We have deeper secrets and early mornings and before she had a cell phone, I'd call their home phone 3 times in a row, allowing only one ring. That was for Alice. That was _it's ok_. That was _he didn't hit me tonight. _Alice is my whole soul. I don't want to just _go down _on her. I want to consume her."

"Well, dang, Jas."

"But, fine, if she wants me to finger fuck her so badly, I will."

I'm silent for a second before I lean forward and laugh so full of joy. He catches my arms and chuckles back with me. I look at him all pink-cheeked and Edward's-old-ray-bans and tongue between his lips and best-friends-secret and fresh air. Jasper is an old soul, and he wants to treat her like a lady. Alice wants him to be the horn dog she is because girls will be girls.

~!~

It's nearing ten and I've had my phone in my hand for an hour. I'm in my bed and I'm consumed with thoughts of Edward. He's the lightening in my thunderstorms and the warm blankets when it's snowing. He's the blood in my cheeks and my breasts when he says _fuck_. He's the laugh on my lips and the kiss on my palm. He's _you're mine _and _follow me _and _I can't wait to watch you suck it_ and my nipples harden. They're so tight it's painfully good and I want him to take it between his lips. I glance at my phone again and I'm frustrated in so many ways.

I decide to pull my tank up and watch my boobs bounce from the movement. They're pretty cute, I guess. Definitely a handful and they hurt when I run which is why don't. And, also, because running just sucks. I tap the skin around my boob. It jiggles. My hand is under my boob and grabbing from the bottom like Edward did a few days ago. It doesn't feel quite like when he did it, but I don't hate it. In fact, I actually really, _really _like it. I shift upwards and my breast fills my little hand and then some. My nipple cuts against my palm and when I squeeze my fingers, it shoots lightening down there. I rub my legs together and tear my tank off. I go to grab my other breast when my phone rings.

"Hello?" I breathe softly.

"B," he sighs.

I missed his voice and the way he laughs.

"Edward," I sigh into the phone. "Tell me everything."

And he does. As he speaks about his coach and the dummies on his team, I throw a blanket over my naked torso.

"Coach Peters screamed at this kid for traveling, B. Screamed at him!"

He uses words like double dribble and triple shot and lay up and they sound familiar but I make a note to start investing in my boy's future a little more.

"Does he yell at you?" I ask.

"No," he tells me softly. "Except one time he did tell me 'you've got potential, kid, but get your fucking head out of your ass' and then walked away."

I laugh. "Why was your head up your ass, Edward?"

"I was daydreaming about my girl and missed a shot."

"Edward," I tell him, "you gotta stay focused if you plan to make me a basketball wife. I want to be sitting pretty next to Khloe Kardashian."

Edward is silent as my light hearted joke suddenly becomes as heavy as an elephant. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"No," he says gently. "No. I like that idea, Bella." I can hear the smile in his voice, and I miss his white-pretty teeth and the sporadic stubble on his jaw. I miss his easy stares and silent kisses.

He tells me that his roommate makes him do late night practices and when he gets back to his room, he falls asleep before he can call. I nod and share my forgiveness for things that don't need it.

"Where is he now?" I ask.

"I told him to get lost so I can fuck off with my girl."

"Edward," I exhale.

"Yeah, girl?"

"I can't wait to see you on Sunday. Maybe we should create a secret language? Like, when I run my hands through my hair, that means _I love you_ and when I touch my neck that means _I can't wait until you touch me_."

"Ok, B. When I touch my hair, that means _you're pretty_, when I scratch my chin that means _I love you _and when I bend to tie my shoes, that means _I can't wait to taste you._"

I laugh. "Taste what, Edward?"

Half expecting him to say my knees or toes or birth mark, I'm sugar-syrup surprised. "_You_, Isabella." I groan louder than I intend to and he tells me to keep it quiet, _horny baby_. "Tell me what you're wearing, B, so I can tell you take it the fuck off."

"Just a pair of undies," I whisper.

"Where's your shirt, Little B?"

I glance at my shirt. "On the floor."

He breathes deep. "Why?" I'm too quiet and awkward and unsure. "It's okay, Bella, we don't have to. I only wanted to hear your pretty voice."

"I wanted to feel like it felt when you touched me."

His breath is deep as he pulls me in. "And did it?"

"A little," I whisper.

"You're so fucking perfect, B. I love your little sighs and sounds and watching your big blues turn black when touch your thighs."

"Edward," I mumble.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I just…" I stop and sigh. Why is it so hard to tell him what I want? What I need.

"Tell me, B," he whispers. "I won't laugh at you. Ever."

"I want to feel you touch me, Edward." My voice is feather soft and sun-light warm.

"I know you do, baby. I want that too, I promise." His love sighs and tired voice pull me back. Edward is lightest, brightest and my heart burns with love's penetrating laugh.

We're talking about everything and nothing. He has me on speaker when he's sitting on the bed relacing his shoes.

"You should have seen it, B, this kid was just—"

"You done jerking off, asshole?" stranger's voice says.

"Fuck off," Edward tells the person. I hear muffling and rustling and short laughter before he's back. "Sorry, B," Edward whispers, "Chris wants to go to bed. I'll text you tomorrow, ok?"

"OK," I tell him. "Love."

"Same," he whispers.

~!~

On Saturday, I go to an art show with my mom. I ask Al if she wants to go, but she tells me, "Jas has "plans" for us."

"Alice Cullen…" I begin, my smile stretching my cheeks so high it pinches.

"Don't even, Isabella Marie." Her laugh consumes mock irritation.

"Are you going on a _date_?" She's silent and I can almost see how she bites the inside of her cheek.

"Maybe Jasper will finally fuck me," she giggles before changing the subject.

It's dinnertime and we're walking around craft tables. Mom sold two pieces. It didn't seem like all the much, but my mom's beam and glow pressed a smile on my lips.

Her hands are touching pottery and painted clays and jewelry. "Where did you say you're going tomorrow?" she asks, holding up long turquoise.

"Alice's brother is in some basketball tournament in Seattle." Before she can ask me why I'm going, I tell her, "Alice asked me to go so she has someone to hang out with."

"Oh," mom says, putting the necklace down and picking up a ring. "Okay, well, just be careful. Use your manners. Be respectful to Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. Have fun, sweetie."

I smile. "Mom?"

"Hm?"

"Why have you been so… cool lately?"

She stops and looks at me. "What?"

"I just mean, like, this whole last year, you have been letting me do more things and stuff. I don't know. Sorry, mom."

She turns to me, hand on her hip. "I don't want to do to you what my mom did to me, Bella. She hovered and I lost it. She told me not to hang out with certain people. She told me not to do certain things. She told me not to have sex. And guess what, Bella? I ended up pregnant at eighteen. You are the love of my life, and I wouldn't change it for anything, but I don't want that for you. I want you to experiment and enjoy life but still be cautious." And, in the middle of a crowded table full of house wives and stay at home moms, she tells me, "when you're ready to have sex, will you promise to tell me? Just so we can get you on some protection."

"Mom!" I yell, walking away with strawberry cheeks and mortification.

"It's fine!" she yells after me. "It's normal! Your father and I—" I cover my ears and eyes and throw up a little in my mouth.

~!~

It's six in the morning on Sunday and I'm standing in front of the Mr. Cullen's SUV. Today is the day. Alice makes me sit in the way, way back with her. I give her the _why_ face when she tells me to _shut it _with her eyes. Jasper has ear buds in, slouched low and sleeping in the middle row. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen sip coffee and hold hands. I brought a blanket and pillow, fully intending on sleeping the whole way up. Alice brought her makeup for me, and it sits in a travel bag in the cupholder to my right. I'm wearing a sunflower yellow skater dress with white little flowers all over and buttons down the front. Alice asks why I'm so dressed up and I shrug. "She always looks like this," Jas says, rubbing his eyes before buckling up.

"Bella," Alice says, taking my hand in hers and squeezing. She pulls me down so our heads are pretty much hidden by the back of the second row. "He did it. He fucking did it, B, and it was _incredible._"

I'm wide eyed and stunned. "Did _what_ exactly. Tell me everything."

She retells the night before sparing no detail. They order a pizza and watch Anchorman. It's getting late and he hasn't even kissed her yet.

"I was so pissed, B. I was like why the fuck isn't he doing anything. Not even a kiss, Bella. Nothing. I look at him and throw the blankets off of me and tell him I'm going to bed." She bites her lip now. "He asks why and pulls me down. Bella, oh my god. He pushes me down and just attacks me. He bites my neck and touches my waist and when I rip his shirt off of him, he fucking growls."

I'm blushing at her story and smiling until it hurts.

"After we make out for, like, ever, he pops the button of my jeans and pulls them down, Bella. He was leaning over me the whole time, resting his arm on the couch and kissing my neck and holy fucking shit it was like the sexiest tickles and bursts of fire in my stomach and I told him he's doing it again. Tonight."

"Did you… _you know_?"

"Yes," she sighs, leaning back dreamily. "And it was fucking magical." I lean against her so happy she's happy. "And then he let me touch him, B, and he was so hard and long and—"

"Okay, Al, that's enough," I tell her, sitting back. "Jasper is like _my _brother." She laughs and laughs until her dad jokingly tells her to pipe down and winks at us from the rearview mirror.

There are 10 teams and hundreds of people in the stands. We go to the gym that at the time Edward's playing, and I watch him jump and shoot and turn and block. I watch him search the stands and touch his hair then his chin. I smile. He speaks a language only we know. He hasn't found me, but I run my hands through my hair anyways.

It's just after one and Edwards team breaks for lunch. Alice made him a big sign and Mrs. Cullen's voice is gone from cheerleading her son's team. It takes over twenty minutes to file out of the gym and find him outside. His mom grabs him and he spins her around. His dad shakes his hand but he pulls him in for a hug. He lifts and spins Al and whispers in her ear. She slaps him and laughs. His eyes are on me as he hugs me with two arms, lifting me without the spin.

"Strawberry baby," he smiles into my hair. "Perfect, pretty girl. I missed you like crazy."

He puts me down and watches my lips. I lift my hand and touch my neck. _Remember, _I think. He smirks and after he pats Jas on the back, he bends to fix laces that are tied tighter than ever. He looks up at me and winks.

"Hey, man," says a dark skinned boy. "You're really playing to win out there."

"Yeah, I'm not messin' around," my boy jokes. They talk for a second before he gives introductions.

"Chris, this is my mom and dad, sister, Alice, brother, Jasper, and Bella. Guys, this is Chris. He was my annoying roommate."

Chris extends his long arm and politely shakes everyone's hand. "This your girl?" he asks while shaking my hand gently. His smile dazzles and his eyes shimmer.

Alice laughs at the accusation. Edward's looking at me with pain before he says, "nah man, that's my baby sister's bestie."

Now, it's after dinnertime and Edward's team is part of the final game. I'm nervous and scared and I know he wants this so badly. My hand finds Alice's when the opposing team takes the lead. Edward's playing whatever position does the shooting, and he fakes out the guy throwing arms in front of him. He pivots, fakes, and shoots. Jasper yells. Alice claps and so do I. The buzzer calls the end of the game after he scores three more times and he did it. His mom and dad rush to him. Alice and Jas are too. So am I, but I arrive last. He's high smiles and all-day-long sweaty, but when he throws his arm around me, I sink in and swim in his excitement.

We're back in the car and I'm buckling my seatbelt when Edward sits next to me. "oh," I tell him, surprised it's not Alice.

"Do you mind, B?" he asks, turning to smile. "There's actually more leg room back here and I'm sore." He's lying through his teeth. This backseat is cramped and small compared to the second row.

"Ok, but keep your boy sweat over there," I respond with a smile.

"Can't make any promises," he jokes.

We're not even ten minutes on the free before he's grabbing my thigh and pulling me as close as my seatbelt allows. He smiles, leans down to the floor to look for something and when I catch his eyes they're saying _come here_. I lower myself too. He grabs the back of my head and kisses me seven long, empty days worth of no kisses, no touches, no winks, no knee grabs, no toe tickles, no licks on my scar or birthmark or freckles. I separate our lips after a minute and breathe him in with my eyes and fingers. He holds my hand under the blanket until he passes out.

**TL;DR- Edward turns 15 and gets accepted to a prestigious basketball camp to which he wins himself a free week of camp the following summer. Before he leaves, Edward gives B a small hickey on the side of her boob on her ribs. Alice and Jasper have an alone time date to which they make it to second base. Bella's mom says she doesn't want her to end up 18 and pregnant like her, so she asks her to go on birth control when she's ready to have sex**.

*Don't forget to leave a review, favorite, follow, etc. Thanks for the continued support. I look forward to everyone's comments :)


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter features sexually mature content involving minors.**

~!~

Salty breeze picks up and weaves into strawberry scented hair. My fingers get stuck as I run them through tangled tresses. It's my birthday party and we're celebrating at the beach. Edward, Jasper, and some of the basketball team are playing ball on the blacktop. Makeshift nets made from old garbage cans sit on either side.

"Now that's a net I can reach," I joke with the boys, bouncing the ball up and down, slam dunking in front of Jasper. I reach down to get the ball out of the can and can't quite seem to reach it. I can feel my jean shorts stretch up my bottom and expose the very top of the backs of my thighs. When I reach down again, I feel his legs block mine. He reaches down with me. His crotch presses at the top of my hip and I feel the way he's pressing into me a little harder than necessary. I bite my lip when he pushes me harder and our bodies move the can.

"Wanna join, birthday baby?" Edward asks, lifting the ball up and spinning it on his finger. He makes orange rubber spin atop his finger and I feel like it's my world he has balanced on the pad of his finger. It starts to spin and loose rhythm and, as if it's nothing, Edward throws the ball in the air and catches it in his other hand.

"No," I say simply. "I don't want to get all sweaty at my party, Edward." He eyes me silently and I feel them linger on my short little legs. I'm dressed casually in a dusty blue one-piece with criss-crossed strings down to the exposed belly button. My boobs are plump and pushed and my bottom is covered by the denim shorts I slipped on before walking with Al to her dad's car to get the coolers.

She huffs and puffs and blows hair out of her pretty green-today eyes. "I can't wheel it in the sand, B!" She complains. Before I can say anything else, Edward, Jas, and a few others from the team jog over and lift with strong boy arms.

"Where to?" Jas asks and Alice points him to logs by the fire pit down on the beach. Edward smiles big when he sees me eyeing the small bulge on his upper arms as he heavy lifts and shifts and carries.

"Like what you see, Pretty?" He winks as the blush colors my chest and neck Christmas-time red.

Edward's been back from camp for a few weeks and things have been standard. He pulls me to his room sometimes and we lay awake all night talking and softly laughing and sharing super-secrets, high hopes, and crazy dreams. He usually holds my hip down with his palm and fingers and shifts his leg a top mine. Sometimes he places his knee right where I need it and I grind and grind and circle until I'm so close to something that I see his love and hear his desire course through my blood and rush to my most swollen areas. On these nights, he kisses me hard and gives me his tongue so softly as he strokes his love on my tongue and teeth and lips.

"C'mon," Edward whispers against my lips. He chastely lays his lips on mine and licks the swell of my bottom lip before taking it between his teeth. "C'mon, baby, horny, pretty B." He pushes his knee closer to where I need him but I'm still not there. "I want to watch you, Bella. I want to see your face flush and your eyes gleam. I want to feel your nails spilt my skin when you come." But as much as he tries with his knees and legs, it just doesn't happen. I need anything else and he knows that, but I can tell Edward isn't ready to give that to me yet. He's holding back. He's showing restraint. His denial has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. I can wait for him though. I _will_ wait for him.

"Yeah I do," I tell Edward, referencing his growing muscles. His smile is stout and boyish, and the way red-brown bangs fall in his eyes makes me want to reach out and rub them away. His blue-greens tickle mine and he blows me a simple kiss before he turns around and walks down the beach with ease.

"Well," Alice starts, adding ice and drinks and hotdogs to the cooler. "I'm ready to sit my ass down and tan until I'm crispy." I smile and plop myself next to her on the towel. I throw my arm around her and say, "me too."

Down the beach, much farther away, are Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and a couple of their friends. They have umbrellas and pepperoni and a radio and wine. We have diet coke and candy and Alice's Bluetooth speaker and sparklers for later.

It's just before dinner and all our friends have arrived. Rose, Al, Ang, and I are sitting in a circle talking about school and schedules and boys. Each of us has a boy; mine just happens to be a secret. When Ang talks to us about Ben using his tongue on her, Rose tells us she and Emmett had sex.

"Shut the fuck up!" Alice screams excitedly. "Tell. Me. Everything."

"His parents went out of town a few weekends ago and when his brother went out to party, he had set up candles all over his room."

"Awe," I croon, smiling.

"Don't get too excited," Rose laughs, "we had to blow them out when his curtains almost caught on fire. Anyways," she starts after our chortles die down, "he goes down on me for, like, a minute to get prepared but he got too excited and wanted to just get to it. When it was time, he tries to just shove right in. I almost died."

"Why?" Ang asks.

"It fucking hurt," she says, grabbing her crotch in phantom soreness. "I made him lay on his back so I could control it. It hurt like hell but when the ache stopped, and I started to get into it, the fucker finished before I could."

"Oh, shit," Alice laughs, grabbing her stomach and falling into my side. I laugh because she's laughing and Ang laughs because I can't control myself and Rose is mad because Alice now calls Em a minute man.

My eyes catch Edward's from across the beach. He's still playing ball but his eyes never leave mine. I turn back around and tell Al to leave Rose's boy alone. "Would you want someone saying that about Jas?"

"Oh, that would never happen. Jas makes sure I get off many times before he does," she says, watching me and smiling through my blush. Rose looks irritated by the happenings of Alice's sex life and when she turns around to catch the sun's rays with her back to us, Alice shrugs. "I can't help it if he's a lover _and_ a pleaser." I shake my head and smile.

I lean back on my towel, still in my shorts, and listen to the birds overhead. Rose is on her belly reading a book, Ang is in the water with Ben, and Alice snores quietly next to me. There's something about the heat of the sun and lull of waves that sing Alice to sleep. When Rose shuts her book, I scoot over and lay next to her. Distant sounds of basketballs dribbling and boys yelling and Ang laughing when Ben dunks her make me summertime-birthday-girl happy.

"Everything ok?" I ask Rose.

"I guess so," she sighs. Rose isn't always the easiest to talk to; she makes you work for her friendship, but I don't mind because she's smart and funny and loyal. She sighs and sits up. "It's just not fair. Jasper is like, this little nerdy quiet boy. He's self-conscious and inexperienced. Em is big and bold and charming. Why the fuck did he only last a minute?"

I shrug. I'm not really the best to ask but I try to tell her what she wants to hear. "Maybe he was just so turned on by you, Rose. I mean, look at yourself." I glance down and gesture. Her legs are long, tan, and smooth. Her fifteen-year-old body has developed well beyond her years. He breasts are large and perky and there's a perfect pink pout on her lips.

She looks down and shrugs. "I guess you're right," Rose smiles. Her teeth glint in the sunlight and I'm struck by her beauty. Rose is voluptuous in her backside and breasts where I carry more weight in my hips.

"Give him another shot," I say, smiling and bumping our shoulders. Golden, icy blonde hair falls into her face and she glances up at me with the slyest, sweetest smile.

"Oh, I plan to make him grovel and make up for it before he can gain access again." I smile and laugh and tell her she's so bad she's good while watching waves caress the sand and enjoy the excruciating heat of deep rays on sunscreen painted skin.

~!~

The sun has just set, and the boys disappear for a while. When they come back, they are free bird, high in the sky, soaring. Edward's all smiles and laughs and his eyes catch mine so often I want to text him to stop before someone notices. He's licking just-smoked lips and rubbing his red, dry eyes with his palm. His hand slings low in his khaki shorts and the other grabs an ice-cold coke from a cooler. Alice leaves my side on the log and storms right up to Jas, grabs his neck to kiss him and yells, "I want to fucking try it, Jas!" so defiantly she actually stomps her sandal covered foot. No one really notices but me and Edward.

Rose and Em are talking quietly, his arm around her neck. She's making him grovel. I giggle. Ang sits with Ben and Jake from the team. Sam and Paul stand more towards the water and talk quietly together. After Alice demands, Edward puts a hand on Jas's shoulder and whispers something in his ear. Jas looks back at Edward with knowing acceptance and nods. Edward claps his shoulder in thankfulness.

"Let's go then, Alice," Jasper says, grabbing her hand and leading her away. His eyes are worry-annoyed, and I watch his free hand grab the back of his neck.

"Where are they going?" I ask Edward after running over to him.

He smiles. "Wanna find out, pretty-pretty?" His fingers toy with the strap of my suit. My back is to the group and Alice and Jas have disappeared beyond the parking lot lamps. He allows his pointer finger to slowly strum the criss-crossed strings of my suit, pulling down the fabric allowing him more access to the swells of my breasts.

"Yes," I tell him softly.

"Let's go."

~!~

Down the beach, opposite of our party and their parents, Edward, Jas, and Al are behind a building, sitting on cement bumper curbs. I watch Jasper teach Alice to pull softly and shallowly before opening her mouth to suck a tiny little breath in. Then, I watch her hold and hold and as she releases, her throat constricts, and her coughs are loud and obnoxious. Jas, of course, prepared for the situation by grabbing a drink. He holds the dripping can up to her lips and she slugs mouthfuls down. Jas takes the joint after Alice smokes two or three times and hands it to Edward.

Edward pulls softly. He's already higher than the stars and I want to ask him to stop. The way the smoke slips from his mouth makes my breasts tingle. His lashes fly in the breeze and he looks down at me. "Wanna try, Bella?" he asks, holding it out to me. He senses hesitation and smiles. He loves my innocence. He loves that I'm not corrupt like Alice. He loves that I don't demand things like wanting to smoke or have orgasms like she does. He loves my patience.

"Not tonight," I tell him softly. He smiles again before putting out the joint and standing.

"Come on," he tells me, looking behind him at Alice and Jasper. She's watching him and smiling. Her fingers glide down his smooth cheek and she giggles. "She'll be out of it for a while. We've got some time." He doesn't touch me or grab my arm. "Text me?" he asks Jas over his shoulder. Jasper nods.

When we're back under the cloak of our secret, shaded in nighttime darkness and moonlight, Edward twists his fingers in mine. We're walking down the beach and after fifteen minutes, I can just barely see the fire or hear the girly yell of Ang when Ben trick-tickles her with a fake spider.

"You look beautiful tonight, Bella," he tells me, holding my hand. He stops walking when we're far enough away and pulls me to him. "I love your pretty hair when it's down and messy and the way the sun burns your cheeks. I love the smell of salt and strawberry in your hair and on your skin. I love the way sand sticks to your toes and the way your jeans sit on you hips. And this fucking suit, Bella." He shakes his head. "This is my favorite one so far with the pretty fucking color and the straps on your shoulders and the way your tits are all caged in and shit." He touches the strings again. "Can I set them free?" he whispers, pulling me closer. His lips smoosh mine and his hand glides to my lower back, pushing me into him.

He lays us down and looks at winking stars with me. Sandy stones stick to exposed, sun-loved skin. Chills dance up my arms and Edward turns to me. When I look at him, Edward grabs my chin and kisses me quickly. He isn't urgent in time; he's urgent in love. He needs my lips and tongue on his and the hand that had grabbed my chin is now grabbing my hip and pulling me to him.

"You taste like sugar and heat, baby B," he whispers against my lips.

"You taste like basketball and bad boy," I careen into his.

His lips slow on mine and when he stops, I'm staring at him. Moonlight illuminates his most perfect attributes. "You're so beautiful," I whisper, pushing his long hair from his forehead. His blush is genuine. "You're the most beautiful boy I've ever seen." His smile is wide and elated and loving. My smile is safe and caring and open. I drop my hand and nuzzle his chest. "Did you hear the news?" I ask, running my fingers along the softest fabric on his stomach.

"Hm?" he responds, tickling the skin of my back.

"Emmett's a minute man."

Edward's hand freezes and then he's howling into the darkness. "Where'd you hear that, B?"

"Rose said so."

"Oh yeah? Shit, that's a shame…" he trails off.

"Is that… normal?" I ask genuinely curious.

Edward shrugs. "I think for guys who might be a little inexperienced. Shit feels good, Bella, like really fucking good. Some guys can't hold it together because of that and some guys are just so fucking selfish they don't try and get their girl off first."

I'm quiet for a minute and ask a question I already know the answer to. "Which one are you?"

"Neither, baby," he whispers. "I'm the guy who will fuck you for hours. I'm the guy who will touch you slowly and make sure you come so hard you see my voice and taste my name. I don't play around, Bella. When I give you my touch, you'll know."

I swallow hard and breathe unsteadily. I've never wanted it more in my life than I do at this very moment. I want his mouth on my neck and his fingers in my undies. I want his hardness pressed into my hip as he circles slowly. I want to feel him on me and within me. I want to hear his voice when he gets me off. I want him to get me off.

I think he senses this too. He shifts our bodies so we're on our sides, facing each other, and his lips war with mine. His hands roam and drag and nails mark my thighs. I feel him slip his hands to the button of my jeans and when it's popped and my zipper is down, he shimmies my jean shorts off my hips. I help him kick them off. I don't know what we're doing or what he has planned, but I trust him.

"Your legs are softer than honey and I want to taste them, B," he whispers before leaning up, pushing me on my back, and kneeling between my legs. He brings my knees up so sand tickles the bottom of my feet, and when he brings one leg up to his mouth, Edward tongues my ankle to the back of my knee and leaves small bites.

"Edward," I sigh-giggle, whimpering into soft, dark air.

"Yeah, Pretty?" He places my leg back down and crawls over me. Edward hovers over me and when he rests between my legs, I gasp at the entirety of Edward against me. His khakis are rough. He's so hard under them and I feel it when he pushes against me. He does it once, twice, and on the third time, I suck damp air into my lungs. He stops, but my whimpers tell him _keep going, please_.

His arms are holding his body up and are resting next to my head. His hips grind against me up and down and when he circles, I grab onto his wrist next to my ear. "Fuck that's hot, Bella. Talk to me," he tells me, pressing harder. "Tell me everything you feel."

"I feel," I whisper, grinding my hips back, "I feel like," I'm circling now, "like I've never been this close."

"Good," he whispers.

"I feel you all over me, Edward. I feel _you_ right on me."

He moans into me and says something I already know, "you're soaking wet, Bella."

When Edward grinds harder yet and pulls his hips back slightly, thrusting forward, I moan so loud I cover my mouth with my hand. He takes my hand away, and I see his head shake in the moonlight.

"No, Bella. No one will be able to hear you. Don't hold back from me."

I slowly slide my hands down and when they accidentally graze my pebbled nipples, I stretch my suit and my breasts pop free. Edward's eyes gape and when he thrusts forward, my breasts bounce firmly.

A small growl escapes his throat and I can see the war he's fighting with himself. I cover both breasts with my hands, gripping my nipples harshly with both thumbs and pointers.

He's bouncing me hard, harder, hardest and when he pushes one of my hands away from my breast while my fingers are still gripping my erect nipple, I yell out in ecstasy. "Oh!" I moan delicately, softly afterward. "Oh my god, Edward," I whimper, pulling on my other nipple a little harder now.

"You are fucking magnificent right now, Isabella," he groans, thrusting harder and grinding deeper. I can feel myself soaking my bottom half, and I'm sure it's on him everywhere. I'm too turned on to care. I bite my lip and squeeze my breast while the other is bouncing and dancing in tune with Edward's rhythm.

"This is what I'm going to do, Isabella," he whispers in my ear, thrust after mouthwatering thrust. "When I'm finally inside you." He watches my breast and my eyes and the way my hips move with his. "Slide my cock in and stroke you so painfully slow you're going to tear all of my hair out." He pauses, his hips are pulled back from mine and his eyes watch my breasts raptly. "Then I'm going to push into you so hard you'll see black." And with that, his hips meet mine and he's grinding up and down so hard I do see black.

"Edward," I whimper, circling my hips harder and harder. Something is tingling in my belly down to my toes. "Edward, I think…" I trail off, grabbing his arm with my free hand and digging into his strong bicep. I'm moaning and my hips are circling faster now.

"Yes, Bella," he encourages, thrusting faster.

"I think I'm…"

His hips circle and circle against the spot that makes my legs quake.

"Do it Bella. Come for me."

I open my lips in anticipation. I'm so close. So, so close, but I'm not falling and starting to get frustrated.

"I need…" I trail off, gripping both nipples now and pinching hard.

"Fuck Bella, give it to me."

"Edward, I need—" and before I can finish, Edward rips away my fingers again and sucks my nipple right into his mouth. My back arches and I'm soaring higher than he is right now. I feel the knot so deep in my belly twist and tighten and my breasts ache with stiffness. I feel wetness all over and my chest is light-bright and Edward singed. My eyes grip closed and my center presses so hard against his erection. The pressure spins me and I'm gasping and gripping and loving the way Edward takes my nipple between two lips and pulls with suction and licks with wetness and grips with white teeth. He's pulling every ounce of orgasm I have from my body. I feel it in the way my toes curl into the rocky sand and the way my fingers stick into his muscles. I feel it in the way my voice shoots rockets into the deep, dark sky and the way his erection mimics what he'd do so pleasingly if no material was in the way.

"Holy shit," I whimper, slowly setting my back down in the sand. Edward is still tasting my nipple and one of his hands is grabbing my free one. I run my fingers through his hair and whimper into the air again. "Edward," I whisper. My fingers are still tingling as I try to push the skin of his forehead off of me. He growls softly. "I'm so sensitive," I whimper with pleasure dipped in the most delicious pain I've ever felt. He sucks once, twice, three more times, eyes glaring at me. He's mad I'm making him stop. He sits back and squeezes my breast in his large hands.

"I love you so much it twists insides and makes me feel hot and crazy and incredibly fucking needed, B." He's kissing his way between my breasts and up to my neck. His hips have stopped but he's still so hard between my legs. When his teeth scrape against my neck, I cry out again.

When I go to grab him over his shorts, his hand pins mine down and he grinds into me again. "No," he tells me gently. "Tonight was for you, baby B. Did you like it?"

I nod so slowly. "Will you do it again?" I ask, hope laces each and every letter.

He laughs gently. "I warned you, Bella. Now that I've started," he whispers into my ear, "I'm not stopping."

His phone dings and without even looking, he tells me we gotta go. He sits back and in the white moonlight I see wetness cover light colored shorts. "Edward," I tell him, pointing.

"Fuck," he laughs, pressing on himself over the spot I soaked on his shorts. I watch as he gets up, throws his phone at me, and walks just-over-the-knee deep in the water. He splashes and comes back over. "If anyone asks, horny baby, you didn't come all over my dick. You pushed me in the water." I smile and nod.

He takes my hand to pull me up before grabbing the back of my neck and kissing me. "Really, Bella, did you like it? Was it too much? I tried my best not to scare you, baby B."

His eyes are intent and serious. "You didn't scare me, Edward. It wasn't too much. It was just enough."

He breathes relief and kisses my forehead. "Good," he whispers, "because I'm usually much more… vocal... and hands on."

I bite my lip and swallow my moan. "I'd like to see that," I tell him.

"Be careful what you wish for, pretty B."

~!~

Back at the beach, everyone enjoyed hearing the story that Edward got taken down by his baby sister's best friend. And when sky-high Alice heard, she laughed so hard she peed herself. Literally. Jasper rolled his eyes with a smirk, picked up no-care-in-the-world Alice, and washed her off in the water. Upon her return, she yells, "let's play Never Have I Ever."

Some members of the group groan and walk away down the beach. Those who stay roast marshmallows and warm chocolate on graham crackers before crunching and crumbing and groaning in delight. Those who stay are me. I am the one eating delicious, creamy s'mores, moaning in delight over the flood of sticky chocolate in my mouth. I'm high over birthday orgasms and Alice is just high. Edward sits between Jake and Rose and stares at me over embers snapping out of the fire. His eyes burn brighter than wood-on-fire. I love this boy and the way he makes my body come and come alive.

Alice explains how to play the game. "Everyone holds up a hand with five fingers—"

"Yeah, that's usually how many fingers are on a hand, Al," Jas jokes.

She ignores him. "If whatever the person says you have done, you'll put one finger down. Ready? Ok," she starts without waiting for everyone's response. All five fingers are up on her hand so I copy her and Edward copies me and the rest follow suit. "Never have I ever drank alcohol."

I keep all five of my fingers up. Jake, Em, and Edward put one down. His stare burns me. I smile at him.

"Never have I ever had detention," I quip.

Alice and Jas put their fingers down. Edward shows his best I'm-a-good-boy smile.

"Never have I ever jerked off to Jessica Stanley," Em says, shivering in disgust.

Edward's looking at me and smiles. Four fingers stay up. He winks and licks his lips. Jake, Paul, Sam, and Jas put a finger down. Alice's mouth drops and Jas places his finger on her chin to close it. "Way before you, darling."

"Never have I ever fucked a girl in the ass," Jake says.

I watch Em and Edward slowly lower a finger. My eyes swing open and I nearly choke on my tongue. "Oh fuck," Alice groans, watching her brother admit a dirty little secret. My cheeks burn from desire and want. What would that feel like? I watch Edward's eyes follow my swallow and travel to the warmth of my cheeks. He bites his lip. I can see in his eyes he has me bent over and is going at me from behind. I close my legs tighter and clear my throat.

"Never have I ever had sex without a condom," Edward says.

No one's fingers lower and I'm kinda-sorta glad.

"Never have I ever faked an orgasm," Alice says.

Rose and Edward lower their fingers. Em is _pissed_. "The fuck?" he asks.

"Sometimes it just isn't going to happen, Emmett!" she yells back. Rose is not the girl to cower or backdown. Em storms off and Rose walks the opposite way.

Everyone questions Edward, even Alice. "How does that even work?" Jas asks.

Edward shrugs. "Rose is right. Sometimes it just isn't going to happen."

"Does it happen a lot?" I ask quietly.

His eyes meet mine and his smirk tickles my belly. "Nah," he says, "not with the right girl, B."

"But, like, so do you just groan and moan and then pull out and that's it?" Alice asks.

Edward laughs and runs his hand through wind-blown-firm hair. "I guess, Alice. Sometimes the girl's pussy is just not doing it. It's sloppy or dry or… I don't know. I'm just not into her and so I fake it and throw the condom away immediately."

"You better never do that," Al says quietly to Jas.

"Ew," Edward says.

"Never have I ever shaved my junk," Jake says.

Edward, Jas, Al, and I put our fingers down. Edward and Alice both watch me. Alice bounces up and down screaming, "oh my god you dirty girl!" and Edward smolders. I hope he's picturing it.

"Never have I ever tasted myself," Jas says.

Edward puts his last, lonely finger down and I'm ready to sprint over and throw him on the ground. I'm ready to search his eyes. I'm ready to straddle his hips and grind myself on him again. I'm ready to do it without my suit in the way. I'm ready to watch him taste himself. I'm ready to watch him taste _me_. I do the only thing I can think of. I take out my phone and tell him _I'm so turned on, Edward._

I watch as he pulls his phone out and turns the brightness down. He types and types until I have to look away. When I feel a buzzing in my lap, I try to wait a few minutes so no one catches on. I talk to Alice about my shaved vagina and about Jas jerking it to Jess. I laugh at the right times all the while thinking about the hot coal burning in my lap. When I finally check, it's vibrated so many more times.

_Shaved, huh?_

_You're a dirty little girl, B. _

_You have my dick so hard right now._

_I can't stop thinking about the way you sound and how your eyes squeeze close when you come. I can't stop thinking about the way your nipples taste and how you smell._

I breathe in. I'm shaky and dirty-talking-light-headed and my eyelids burn. I'm squeezing so hard and my hips rock back and forth on the log to relieve the pressure-swelling in my swimsuit.

"Everything ok?" Alice asks.

"Yeah, why?" I respond, meeting her eyes and shoving my phone in my pocket.

"You're, like, riding the log, B." She's half joking, half laughing, and totally serious.

I giggle slightly and stop.

_Ride me like that, baby girl. _He texts me immediately. I need a breather. I'm going to combust if I don't cool down. I'm wet and sticky from earlier and I'm soaking now. The denim from my jeans permeate. I stand up and walk down the beach.

My toes poke holes in rough sand and the water pulls my feet further in. I can see Rose and Em further down the beach. He's on top of her like Edward was just a short time ago. They must be making up. In the other direction are Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. They're not loud but I can hear quiet laughter and glasses _tink_ as they cheers.

I wrap my arms around myself. The breeze picks up and goosebumps cover my bare arms. I'm fourteen and my boy gave me an actual orgasm. He grinded and circle and pushed into me until I was screaming and creaming and hefty breathing in his ears. I remember gripping and pulling his skin. I remember the feel in my belly and the tension that snapped the second he made me come. His body shocked mine into the best feeling I've ever experienced, and I vow to try and do it myself.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks, standing next to me. I smell summer-sweetness and pot.

"The way you felt between me," I whisper gently.

His eyes sear the side of my face. It takes a lot to show indifference to this boy who is lighting me on fire from the inside.

"How did I feel?" he asks quietly.

I'm quiet for a brief moment before turning to him and smiling. "Like fireworks in the winter."

"I can't wait to kiss you later," he says.

"I know," I respond before walking away.

~!~

It's nearly eleven and we've just loaded the car. All our friends have slowly disappeared and Mr. Cullen is driving the four of us home. Jas and Edward are in the second row and Alice rests her head on my shoulder in the way, way back. She's not sleeping but I know the pot has her sleepy-high and she's coming down. When we return home, my dad's cruiser is in the driveway and the lights in our home are off.

"Stay," Al yawns, leading me to the basement. She's on the couch and I'm putting her head on a pillow and she's snoring before I tuck her in snug-as-a-bug. I shut off the lights and follow the boys outside. They're sitting on the back porch talking about school and ball and summer-time-sadness. I tell them I'm headed back down to Alice and Edward tells me to go to his room as he stands.

"You'll text me if she wakes up?" Edward asks Jas.

"Don't I always?" Jas replies and I kinda-sorta feel just the slightest bit of displeasure in Jasper's words. He feels unloyal to Alice and there might come a time when his loyalty to his girl means more than his loyalty to his boy. We'll deal with that when it happens, though.

For now, I'm walking slowly to Edward's bedroom and hoping his parents don't notice two pairs of footsteps on the stairs. His door creaks open and we're inside. He's tearing off my shorts and pulling down my bathing suit. I'm naked but he can't even see. It's dark as ink in his room and before he hands me an old tee shirt, his hands find my breasts and his thumbs brush my nipples. His hands skim so gently down my curves and over my bare bottom.

"Put this on before I do something stupid, pretty baby."

I throw his shirt over my head and it falls just below my bottom. I use his bathroom and clean up down there. I throw my hair in a bun. When I open the door, Edward is on his back and his TV lights his room in hues of blue and white. He pats the spot next to him and I curl into his side on cold-as-summer-air-conditioned sheets. He's pulling up the blanket and I'm kissing his neck.

"Happy birthday, party girl," he whispers, kissing my hair.

"I love you," I tell him.

"I love you," he says into my hair.

I feel his finger brush my forehead and breath in. His other hand grabs the back of my knee as I throw my leg over his. I'm bare under his shirt and he can feel it on his leg. Before anything can happen, though, I'm drifting and dreaming of blue-greens and long fingers.

~!~

**Thanks again for the positive reviews and favorites, follows, etc. I love that you're enjoying this story. While this may seem like a filler chapter, I think it's important to follow the progression of their sexuality. Edward's so far ahead of Bella and it's almost painful for him to slow down. I think we've all been there though!**


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter features sexually mature content between minors. **

~!~

School starts at the end of August, and we kiss the summer goodbye through late night movie-thons and sweating-at-the-court ballgames. The first week went okay. Alice and I have a few classes together. I see Edward in the hall a lot and we share the same lunch period. On the first day of school he texts me _blue shoes baby _and _what color are your undies? _I ignore him through barely-hidden smiles in the halls. Jasper's locker is near mine and he's always laughing at me. Sometimes I blush and sometimes I stomp my little foot at him. Alice acts like he doesn't even exist at school. She's so beyond public displays, and it makes me smile.

Once, Jasper walked up to her and kissed her right on the lips at my locker. She pushed him away gaped. I giggle-crooned and bounced in my flats. Jas ruffles my hair and winks at Al before he leaves. Her face melts and she tells me, "god damn I think I love him."

It's nearing the end of October and Alice wants to throw a Halloween party. A "banger" she tells me at lunch.

"We can invite _everyone_," she says, looking around the cafeteria. "Except them," she laughs, pointing to Jane and Bree who are slung around Jake.

"What's the deal, are they, like, a threesome?" I ask suspiciously.

"Jas says no. Edward says yes and he would know."

I laugh and shake my head. My eyes find our boys who sip on chocolate milk and take bites of soft pretzels. Salt sticks to my guy's lips and I watch the way he snakes pink out to lick it off. He's laughing and smiling and carefree for a while before Riley walks over and sits next to Jas. My heart flutters. Something isn't right about him. Maybe it's girly intuition, or maybe I'm remembering things Edward's said to Jas in passing.

"What's up with Riley?" I ask Alice.

Alice shrugs. "He calls Jas sometimes. I think he's got home problems like Jas did. Sometimes Jas walks to the courts to meet up with him. Maybe he's helping Riley through some shit." Alice is one-hundred percent trusting of motives.

I'm skeptical but it's whatever. Edward stands to leave the second Riley sits down. Carefree is replaced with annoyance and disapproval. He's dumping his tray and his phone is out. I watch strong fingers bump on the screen and feel mine vibrate in my bag. _Third floor _is all it says. I tuck my phone in my bag. Third floor is reserved for upperclassman and gifted students. I'm neither.

"I'm going to finish some homework in the library so I can come over earlier tonight, ok?" I tell Alice, packing my stuff. She nods and asks Rose if she has any condoms.

Nervous toes step every other stair and when I reach the top step, warmth grabs my wrist and pulls me down into the C wing. It's deserted. Construction tape and plastic curtains drape over project areas that have been paused since last Fall.

He's pulling and pushing and I'm against the wall. "You're so fucking cute, Bella B," he whispers in my curled hair. "Strawberry and autumn and fucking vanilla milkshakes," he mumbles, breathing deeply. "I hate fall," he says, "I miss seeing your knees and ankles and little slivers of your belly. I miss the freckles on your shoulders and the sun in your eyes. I miss you in my jersey and hat and Wednesday night sleepovers."

I'm biting my lip. He's making my cheeks hurt and my belly burn. "You're cute," I tell him. "Your long legs in basketball shorts. Your cute little toes in socks. Your long hair under my favorite hat. But I _love _fall, Edward." I stop and kiss his cheek. His eyes lighten and his fingers crawl up my arms. "I love auburn hair and the way cold feels on your skin. I love blue-green eyes on gray, rain filled days. I love hand-holding under blankets and scary-movie-frights as a reason to be closer."

His lips make love to mine. They're soft and treasured and loving as they lick and suck and bite. He groans simply, innately and then he withdraws. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me can-barely-breath-so-good tight. His heart warms mine and I love the way they talk to each other.

"When can you date, B?" Edward asks.

"Dad says when I'm sixteen and a half."

He laughs. "That's pretty specific."

"Well, he said that when I was eight, so for him it was forever away, but now…"

"Now it's just a few years."

I nod. "Why?"

"When you're sixteen and a half, on that very day, I'm coming over, Bella. I'm coming over with flowers and a suit on and I'll give your dad a fucking six-pack and I'll sit him down. I'll sit him down and tell him I love his daughter. I'll tell him I love the way you laugh when you smile and bounce when my best friend teases your best friend. I'll tell him how smart you sound when you talk to me about Heathcliff and how oddly you can go from zoning into Pink Floyd and then dancing to Taylor Swift."

I hug him harder. Some days he can be so sweet it hurts my veins. Some days his sweetness infects the roots of my teeth with one kiss. His eyes are so bright as he pulls back. His thumb brushes my cheek.

"Is that when we'll tell Alice?" I ask gently.

He sighs and touches his forehead to mine. Al's my bestie and I know telling her will kill us. I'm withholding and withdrawing and I'm going to lose her. Edward never talks about it. He's told me I'm my girl's favorite person. He's told me he's going to break her fucking heart. _Again_. I don't tell him that I'm not her favorite person, Jas is, and if we can keep Jas on our side it might, maybe, possibly be ok. It never crosses my mind what might happen to Alice and Jas if she finds out he's known about us forever.

"I guess so, pretty B." Wetness pricks my eyes and before they fall Edward kisses them. He's a sponge, absorbing any dampness I give him. "We'll figure it out. It'll be ok. Who knows? Maybe she'll find out before then. Maybe she won't be that mad. Maybe she won't—"

"Hate me forever?"

"Maybe, Bella."

"Well," I start, not wanting to sour our perfect, hidden, secret, lovely time together. "Where are you going to take me on our first date?"

"My bedroom," he jokes tenderly, kissing down my neck.

~!~

"Wowza!" Alice yells, staring down at me.

"What?" I yell-ask. I'm staring down at myself. My tight red pencil skirt hugs my hips and the 50 Cents sign is pinned right at my crotch. My top is tight and cropped and rainbow puff balls are glued to it. It's Halloween and we're ready to bob and snack and take a million pictures.

"Who knew a bubblegum machine could be so sexy," Alice jokes, pinching the balls on my shirt. I slap her hand away.

"Look who's talking," I retort. Al and Jas dress as Jesse and Woody from Toy Story. She winks at me.

"He's got a thing for cowgirls," Alice jokes but I know it's serious.

The house is packed. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen's friends hang in the front room and all the kids are in the basement. The entire basketball team is here and dressed as ball-playing zombies who walk slowly, hauntingly around the room with low groans and breakthrough laughs. Other friends are there too, including Riley. He's sitting on the couch, kind of quiet, sort of zoned out. I've seen him like this before and it's annoying. Maybe he's dressed as a lump on a log.

I walk away when his eyes open. He's looking at me but through me. He sees me but doesn't know where I am. I squint at him. Strobe lights flash his face and when he sits up to stare, I'm nervous. Alice says his home life is like Jas's was. Maybe he needs a friend. Maybe he needs an ear. Maybe he needs to talk about it. I take a breath and step over. His hair is boring-brown and his eyes are darker than space.

"Are you ok?" I ask him.

His smile is sly. "I am now." He scoots closer. The energy he exudes is unlike any I've ever felt. I'm sort of uncomfortable.

Unsure what to tell him, I share my name. "I'm Bella."

"I know," he says. "I see you at school. Your Cullen's sister's friend." I nod. His eyes are on my knees and I feel dirty. I place my palms over my legs and regret sitting down with him.

"What are you dressed as?" I ask him. He's in black skinnies, black nike's, and a black hoodie.

He smirks. "I'm a fucking nightmare."

I roll my eyes. "Oh please," I tell him, leaning back on the couch in boredom. "You're just a kid. How could you be a nightmare already?"

His laugh is sinister, and I can barely hear the bottle rattle in his pocket. "Want me to show you?" he asks, lifting his back and leaning forward.

"What's up?" Jas asks before I can answer. He's sitting next to Riley and his knee is bouncing. He's nervous.

"I was just talking to your girl's friend here," Riley says, sitting back again. By now, Riley's eyes are almost all the way closed.

"If you're tired why don't you go home and sleep?" I ask.

"He's fine," Jas answers.

My phone vibrates in my hand. _Stay away from him_ lights up my phone. I look up. So many people are in the basement, but he is not. I get up and move around the room. When I walk away, I hear Jas say, "don't fuck with her."

_Where are you? _I text back, weaving in and out of bodies in the basement and up the steps. Someone grabs me and pulls me in. It's Rose. She's Harley Quin dressed in red and blue sequin shorts and Daddy's Lil Monster across her chest.

"Bella, you look good," she says, skimming her hands on the curve of my waist.

"Thanks," I whisper, checking my phone again. _Come find me, Bubblicious. _

I scoot away. He's not in the basement. He's not in the kitchen or with his parents or in his room. He's not on the third floor or the bathroom. I don't even see him on the porch. I'm about to turn on my heel and stomp back in when my phone vibrates _Warm. _I step off the porch. _Warmer, baby B. _I walk into darkness and I don't really see him where they normally smoke. _Your boiling hot. _He texts back and I take a left, walking farther into the woods.

"Edward?" I whisper yell.

"You're on fire, pretty girl," he says back, reaching a hand out and pulling me close. Edward's sporting dark blue denim and a plain white tee with a red jacket zipped only at the bottom. He's James Dean and the way his hair is pushed back scorches my heart and singes my belly.

"You look really good," I giggle feeling his smooth backed hair. "Did your mom do it?" I ask.

"I don't really want to talk about my mom when I'm imagining pulling all this shit off you," he whispers into the darkness.

I let him pull me and take me and love me. I let his fingers glide around my curves and over my hips and up the back of my skirt. He thumbs my undies and when I groan, he pulls them back. He kisses my forehead and we sit and talk in the quiet, busy forest.

"Why do I have to stay away from him?"

"He's bad news, baby. If he bothers you again, let me know. I'll fuck him up."

I laugh but don't question it. Edward is, without a doubt, completely, utterly, insanely serious. "Did you see what Alice made Jas wear?" I ask, lightening the mood.

His laughter floats in the air all around us and he shakes his head. "Yep. When you're sixteen and a half, please don't make me do that shit." I smile because he's planning.

"Alright," I agree, kissing him softly before we walk back to the party.

~!~

It's just after thanksgiving and Alice begs me to go shopping with her on Black Friday.

"I hate people," I pout in the backseat of her mom's car. Before we left, dad gave me a twenty and mom gave me another one with a wink.

"It's one day, B, you can do it," Alice says. She's next to me and thumbing through all the ads on her phone. Mrs. Cullen drives us to the mall willingly. She and Alice love to feel like they're getting a deal.

In the store, Alice tries on boot after boot and denim after denim. I find a cute bracelet and new booties, but that's about it.

"Ohhh, look at this one, B," she says.

"Wow, feel this," she calls.

"Do these jeans make my butt look good?" she yells from the dressing room.

"I'm sure Jasper will love them," I tell her. I'm bored and scrolling through my phone. Edward's basketball season started earlier this month and if he's not a game or practice after school, he's strength training in the gym. His coach set him up on a regimen and has him excited about the possibility of scouts and college ball and his brightest smile ever came after I told him "yes" when he asked me, "can you believe it, Bella?"

When Alice goes back into the dressing room, I look around a little more. I find some jeans with holes in the legs and throw them over my arm. I'm looking through tops when Alice calls my name.

"Look who's here," she tells me, pointing to the food court outside the store. I look over. Jess and Jane are sitting at a table, red glossed lips leave rings around white straws they're sipping from.

"Ew," I tell her.

"C'mon, lets pay."

Twenty-three minutes later, we snake through the store and pay. I almost forget about two of the worst girls at school until they call Alice a whore.

"Ignore them, Alice," I tell her. She looks at me with war in her eyes and I plead _don't make a scene_.

"Does your mom know you fuck your stepbrother?" Jess asks, giggling to her little friend.

Alice's eyes reign fire into mine. She's planted firmly and I can see the way her chest moves to catch hatred laden breaths. _Please let me_ she begs with her eyes. _Be better than them _I rationalize.

"I can't even believe their parents let that loser live with them. His daddy should have kicked his ass when he had—"

I break eye contact with her and then Alice's feet run faster than I ever saw. She's on top of them and her hands pound and punch and pull and there's screaming but not from my girl. Dozens of people surround but no one surrenders. Alice seethes. She's releasing tension built for years in secret. She's known what these girls have been saying around school, but I don't. Right here is where I wonder what her and Jas talk about when I'm not there. Just like Edward and I, Jas and Alice have a totally different life with secrets and feelings and inside jokes and I wonder what their equivalent of knee touches and freckle licks are.

Alice pummels girls who talk shit about her boy and I would have done the same thing for mine. Loyalty.

"Alice Cullen!" Mrs. Cullen yells, pulling her daughter's shirt away from Jess's grip.

"Don't ever fucking talk about my family again," Alice screams.

When Mrs. Cullen gets her up, I throw my arms around her and she's crying into my neck from exhilaration and release and sorrow for Jasper and the way people view him. When Mrs. Cullen isn't looking, I give them both my middle finger. My smile splits my face when Alice laughs.

On the way home, Mrs. Cullen isn't as mad as I thought she'd be.

"We should solve problems with our words not our fists, Alice," she starts, taking a right then a left onto the highway. "But," she begins, "thank you for standing up for Jasper when he couldn't do it himself."

"Those fucking bitches—"

"That's enough," she says gently. "Are you sleeping with him yet?" Mrs. Cullen asks looking at her in the rearview.

"Mom!" Alice yells and I can see her cheeks leak embarrassment.

"I just want to keep you safe, Alice. I know I can't stop _everything _that goes on under my roof," she glances at me and my heart skips, "but for your safety, I need to make sure you're protected."

"No, mom," Alice whispers.

"Okay," she says, relieved.

My heart still thunders when we pull into the driveway.

_Your mom knows_ I text him. I wave goodbye, unable to meet Mrs. Cullen's gaze.

"Call me tomorrow!" Al says and I nod.

It's over an hour before he texts back _she doesn't._

_She said she can't stop everything that goes on under her roof and then she looked right at me on purpose, Edward! _

He doesn't respond again, so I put my phone on the charger in my room and sit at the table in the kitchen eating leftovers until my mom walks up from the basement.

"When'd you get home, honey?" she asks, washing paint from her long, thin fingers.

"Awhile ago. I didn't want to bug you down there," I tell her, picking apart my stuffing and forking mashed potatoes in my mouth.

"You're never a bother, honey. What's your plan for the night?"

I shrug.

"We could watch a movie? I can curl your hair and do your makeup like the old times."

My mom looks hopeful. We don't get a lot of time in the summer because I'm at the Cullen's and school years are full of basketball games and homework in my room. So, although I don't really want to, I nod. "Sure mom. Sounds fun."

The smile on her face is worth the boring night full of forced laughter and PG movies and telling my mom I love the barely-there gloss on my lips.

She's halfway done curling my hair when I ask, "when can I date?"

She lowers the iron while a mahogany curls cool in her hand. "Why do you ask, Bella? Do you _want _to do date someone?" She's not mad. Her tone isn't accusatory. She's interested.

I shrug and lie. "I don't know. Alice and her mom were talking about it today. I was just wondering. Dad used to say sixteen and a half."

She smiles. She remembers. "Well," she starts, picking up another section. "I guess sixteen and a half isn't so bad." I smile higher than Edward can shoot a ball and my belly tingles. It can all work out.

My mom retires around nine and I'm bored laying in bed. Edward never texted back. He's probably asleep by now. He nor Jas are outside. It's getting colder so we haven't been to our spot in the woods lately either. Our alone time is limited these days and I'm feeling the effects. Edward calls when he can but I know he's probably in the basement with his sister and his boy and I'm in my room with no one. Resentment tastes bitter on my tongue and I swallow it down like dull blades. I hate this feeling and I don't know what to do. I play music low on my phone and open a book. Forty minutes later and the turkey from earlier lulls me to sleep.

I'm awoken sometime later by the incessant vibrating of my phone. I stumble around my room and see that I've missed many texts and calls. My phone tells me it's 1:23 in the morning.

_Hey baby B._

_What are you doing, pretty-pretty?_

_I miss your voice._

_Today at practice Jake said you were fucking hot and then I "accidentally" shoved him to the grounf._

_He's right though. You are fucking hot._

_I heard about Alice. _

_I heard you flipped them off. Damn B ;)_

_Where are you, sugar baby?_

_Your light's still on Bella. Is everything ok?_

_Call me before I break in and check on you._

I rub my eyes. The last one was sent seven minutes ago. I dial his number and when he picks up, wind whips through his phone and into my ear. He's outside.

"What the fuck?" he asks, panic in his voice. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," I whisper, stretching on my bed. "I fell asleep reading. My phone was only on vibrate."

"I was literally about to break in, B. I'm in my backyard on my way over."

I giggle. "Don't be so dramatic," I tease him.

He laughs back and sighs. "Why aren't you over here?"

"Alice didn't invite me."

"I'm inviting you."

"Do you really think that'll go over well?" I ask.

"Alice and Jas are fooling around upstairs anyways. You aren't missing a lot. I promise."

"I'm missing _you_," I tell him with a sigh.

He breathes in before the patio door shuts. He's quiet until he reaches the basement.

"Stay over tomorrow night. We'll watch movies and hold hands and I'll kiss the shit out of you when they go to bed, Bella. I miss your skin on mine and my room doesn't smell like you anymore."

"Okay."

~!~

It's two days before Christmas and Alice scours the shelves of Goodwill for the perfect gift for Jas.

"When I see it, I'll know," she tells me, collecting dust and debris on the undersides of her fingers. I feel a sneeze in my throat.

We pass lanterns and old games. We pass old crystal vases worn yellow with memories. We pass used Pokémon cards and when she skims through old jewelry, her thumb stops on something big and round. She turns old, dark brass in her fingers. The long chain hangs heavily from the top. When she presses a button on the top, the face opens revealing a pocket watch.

"This is it," she tells me. I nod.

"Yeah, that seems like something he'd like."

"You think?" she asks.

"Yep. He's an old soul born from simpler times when they wrote love letters… delivered by carrier pigeons." We're both laughing and light and loved.

When mom takes me to the mall later, I separate telling her I need to pick something for _her _when really I'm picking something for _him_. My hands flick through racks of shirts and jerseys and shoes. I look at wallets and socks and jewelry like Alice did, but nothing catches my attention. I do as Alice did and walk around looking, waiting for something to jump out. I browse through baseball caps and read silly sayings. I laugh at "I pee in pools" and "Vagitarian" but ultimately decide on nothing like that.

Next, I wonder into a store that sells knick-knacks and personalized trinkets. I find a heart necklace for mom and hold it while I continue searching. When my fingers find what they've been searching for, I bring it to the register, pay for it, and have them engrave a simple little message. When it's handed back, I'm nervous smiling and excited for him to open it.

It's Christmas Eve and we're celebrating tonight. Dad has to work tomorrow, so mom says "okay" when Mrs. Cullen invites us over for dinner. We're sitting around the tree in our matching pajamas and colored bows with ripped tissue paper cloud around me. My parents shower me this year, and I'm stunned. Leggings and sweaters and different kinds of makeup fill boxes and bags and when I open the last gift, I'm floating. It's my very first pair of riding boots and I hug them so tight.

"Make sure you take care of them, Bella. They weren't cheap," dad says. Mom rolls her eyes at him.

"I will, I promise!" I exclaim, putting them on and zipping them up. They're a pretty cognac color and end right below my knees. The toes are hard and the buckles around the ankles jingle as I strut.

Mom smiles and kisses my hair. "You look beautiful, Bella. So grown up," she tells me.

When I hand her the gift I picked for her, she cries when she opens it. She makes dad clasp it and moves her hair away from her neck.

"You look beautiful, too, mom," I tell her and mean it. Her features have fallen with age and her skin isn't as elastic, but her hair is still dark and thick, and her smile still shines. Dad smiles when he opens the koozie I bought him. He scoffs at the "working on my six pack" message and mom giggles.

We end the night by watching Christmas movies and eating cookies. I tell them goodnight, still in my boots, and stomp-walk to my room. The second I'm in my room, I check my phone.

Messages like _hey Christmas baby _and _I can't wait to see your smile tomorrow _and _remember number 17, baby B?_ flood my inbox. My heart is Christmas warm and sugar cookie sweet. When I call him, he answers.

"Baby," he whispers.

"Where are you?" I ask, laying in my bed.

"In my room. We had a pretty… eventful day here at the Cullen's. What about you, Pretty?"

"It was nice. I got those riding boots, Edward!"

"Does that mean you can ride my dick now, Bella?" he jokes lightly. I can hear the hidden yawn and his arms stretching overhead. I can even see the v peak out of his shirt as it lifts with his stretch.

I ignore his comment. "Why was it so eventful?" I ask, unzipping and placing the boots next to my door.

"Well," he starts, sitting up in bed. "Jasper's mom called the house."

I'm silent for a moment. "For what?"

"No fucking clue," he answers. "My dad answered and when he asked if she'd like to talk to him, his fucking mom hung up."

"Was Jasper there?" I ask quietly. My heart squeezes and pounds and the ache I feel explodes when Edward answers.

"Yep."

"Is he ok?"

"Nope."

"What happened?"

Edward sighs and I hear toes drag on his plush carpeting before he huffs and sits back down on his sofa. "We were sitting at the dining room table eating. Everyone was happy and laughing and Jas was teasing the shit out of Alice on purpose. Mom's laughing so hard she has tears rolling down and even dad is chuckling. When the phone rings he answers and when he freezes so do I. My fucking hair stood up, B. I just got this feeling and while everyone was still laughing and enjoying, I turned to my dad who was looking at Jas and I just knew. My dad says shit like "he's doing well" and "we can care for him" and "it's stable here" and then he's silent for a little bit before he looks away and tells the person "he's sitting right here, do you want to tell him?" and then his brows furrow and he hands up. I wish my dad never even fucking told him. I wish he'd have just sat back down and let Jas enjoy happiness. But no, he had to open his mouth."

"How did Jas take it?"

He sighs heavily. "He stood up from the table and went to his room. Alice followed him and that's where they've been for hours. I went and checked on them a little while ago. Alice was passed out and Jas was smoking. I could tell he wasn't ready to talk about shit, so I sat and smoked with him for a while. Dad says he's going to call Jas's case manager next week and see about removing all rights from them."

"I'm sure he appreciates your efforts, Edward. You've been such a great friend to him." I smile in sadness.

"Love you," he tells me over sniffles and silent, sad, wants-better-for-his-friend tears.

~!~

Christmas dinner tastes like warm sunshine and happiness. I pile ham and potatoes and gravy on my plate before I sit between Alice and my mom. Edward and Jas are across from us and the heavy circles under Jasper's eyes tell me things aren't much better. Alice grabs my hand under the table. I lean over and hug her quickly while our moms are talking about stuffing recipes.

Dinner conversation is light I'm thankful. Mom asks Edward how basketball's going. He seems happy to bring it up. I watch the way his eyes shine and vibrate from my mom's question.

"I watch you boys play in the summertime. You're all so good, but you two," she gestures her fork to Edward and Jas who's eyes are now on my mom, "you two are the best. Don't let your talent get lost in girls and high school and trivial stuff. Don't let things hold you back. Chase your dreams." Edward smiles and nods. Jasper nods without the smile. "And you must have so much patience Edward dealing with Bella," mom says again, cutting meat on her plate. Her moves are calculated and easy. "I also watch when you're teaching her too. I know she's not as athletically inclined as you are, but she tries, right?"

I'm sort of frozen in place. What is she talking about and why is she saying it now? My mom has never once mentioned anything about seeing me and Edward play ball in his front yard and my heart pounds heavily when I wonder just how much she's seen. Edward is cool as a cucumber though. He smiles and retorts, "oh I know. Sometimes she just falls over standing on two feet." This makes my mom laugh and then she's discussing summer plans with Mrs. Cullen. Family vacations are brought up but the pounding of my heart is too loud to make any other words.

My heart still roars and I feel so flushed. Jasper watches my eyes and he maybe even has a small smile tugging at his lips. I smile at him and maybe it was worth it just to make his lips twitch.

It's after ten and mom let me stay the night. We're in the basement and Jas leans back on the couch. He and Edward just came back from smoking while Al and I were watching the moonlight through small windows.

"It fucked him up, B," Al whispers, grabbing my hand. Jas needs her and she needs me.

"I'm so sorry, Alice," I tell her. "Can I do anything? Say anything?"

She shakes her head. "After all this time, she just fucking decides to call and ask how her son is doing? The one she let get beat by his dad? Is she mad that she has to fucking clean up her own puke now? Is she mad that his dad beats her instead of him now?" Alice seethes and I feel the pressure in the room pull so heavily it's hard to breathe. She sucks the air out of my lungs with her anger and vehemence and I want to give it all to her because she's saying what others won't. But that's how Alice is. She's got a sharp, unfiltered tongue and when her words lash, they kill. I'm so glad I'm on her good side.

"I gave him that pocket watch and he fucking cried, Bella. He asked me why I love him when he's such a loser. He asked me why I waste my time when he fucks everything up. He asked me why someone like me wants to be with someone like him." Her tears catch in her throat. I sit up and pull her to me. My arms wrap around her neck and place pressure on the wounds that Jasper's tongue rip into her soul. "I told him because he's the fire in my eyes and the reason why I'm like this. I told him because he's the best morning kisser and first-time orgasm giver. I told him I love him because he's not his fucked-up parents."

"That's good, Al," I tell her, but I have no idea if that's good or not. I only know the love language between me and my guy.

When they come back high and free, Edward sits next to me and his hand is on my knee. It's so natural that I barely even notice, so I keep it there. Alice is on Jas's lap in a comforting way. His eyes catch mine as Alice sits up and when Jas points to my knee, I remove Edward's hand. We put an easy movie on and I'm falling asleep before I know it.

I wake up to darkness and wet kisses down my throat. I'm leaned over on the couch and Edward's body covers mine.

"Baby B," he whispers in my ear. I moan a simple response. "Come on, Christmas girl, I got you something and it's in my room." I follow Edward out of the room and step over a slumbering Alice.

I grab his gift from my jacket in the foyer before ascending the steps. When we arrive at his room, he turns and smiles before opening his door. Christmas lights line the very top perimeter and yellow hues dance along his walls.

I smile. "When did you do this?"

"My mom helped me decorate a few weeks ago. Pretty cool, huh?" he asks, pulling me in gently and turns the lock on his door. I nod.

"You look pretty, pretty girl." His fingers brush through my relaxed curls and rub sleep lines from my cheeks. It's been so long since he's touched me with anything anywhere, so I curve into his touch and sigh happily. He's only given himself to me, like that night on the beach, once more since my birthday and boy do I miss it. He knows exactly how to push and pull and maneuver me to get me there. To push me over the edge. To _come. _I've never seen _him_ get there though. The second time he was close. His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth was open, but then Jasper knocked on the door.

I need him. I want him. His touch electrifies the hair on my skin, the knot in my low belly, the insane, crazy, wonderful way my cheeks burn when he looks at me with hooded eyes, and the blood pulsing inside me. Other things pulse, too, and I wonder if he can sense it.

Edward sits me on his sofa and walks to his desk. If he can sense anything, he pays no attention to it. He ruffles through a drawer before coming back with a small box.

"Open it," he encourages excitedly.

I take the velvet box in my hand open slowly. Inside is a small, gold chain with a tiny little heart. I smile at its simplicity. Before I can tell him it's beautiful, he flips it over and the most delicate little _E_ is engraved on the back.

I bite my lip to stop from goofy, silly smiling. Tears prick my eyes because of love's wordless love. "It's perfect," I whisper, running my finger on the engraving. "Put it on me?" I ask, turning my back to him and lifting my hair. He clasps it and the heart falls right below the hollow of my collar bones. It's warm-breaths-on-my-neck and hey-pretty-pretty and Saturday-night-secrets and blow-pop-kisses and already-planning-our-first-date love. It's blue-greens and pretty teeth. It's my best friend's brother.

"You really like it, B?" he asks, rubbing his thumb over the heart. I feel him press _E _into my skin and it radiates.

"I love it," I marvel. I hand him the smallest little bag. "I hope you like your gift," I tell him self-consciously. He fingers fidget and pick. He got me this delicate little gift, so perfect for me, and I got him this dumb present. I almost want to rip it out of his hands but he's ripping out small pieces of tissue paper and pulling out a small rectangular box. When he pops it open, the goofiest, lightest smile decorates his face. "Holy shit, B, I love it." He kisses my lips quickly.

"Yeah?" I ask.

He nods and flicks the top open. In his hand sits a small, gun metal gray lighter. On the very bottom, I flip it over and show him the tinniest little _b_and when he kisses me this time it's slower. Fingers delicately lace themselves with the skin of my cheek and I'm burning inside. He pulls me closer and higher and lovelier. He sits back and pulls me into him. My knees rest tightly against either side of his hips and our centers press together hotly. His jeans are rough and I can barely feel him through them. His pants are too constricting and mine don't allow my legs to spread wide enough. He tries to rock into me and groans in annoyance with the absence of pleasure. I rock my hips in search but find nothing.

"Edward," I whine.

"I know," he tells, pushing me back. "Take these off." He pulls at my pants. I do. I stand and slip them off but keep super light pink cotton on. Edward unbuttons and unzips and he's in number 17, royal blue boxers. My eyes absorb and I heavy breathe. When my eyes slide to his, he's cocky-smirking. His hand slips from the back of my knee to the back of my thighs and he pulls me back onto him suddenly. This time, I feel the start of his erection against wet cotton immediately.

I travel my lips from his ear to his neck and when I bite, he groans. When he groans, my center throbs. I love his noises, so I experiment by dragging the flat part of my tongue back up to his ear and biting his lobe like he often does mine. He's so good at turning me to liquid in his arms, so I do to him what he often does to me. His hands squeeze my hips and his fingers splay out against my bottom. He rocks me deeper into me and I feel the way his erection hits my entrance. I gasp softly and now I'm melting and he's absorbing. I slide back down to feel it again. When it sits at my opening, I press harder and swallow, falling forward into him. He crushes me to his chest.

"Shit," he breathes in my ear.

I'm suddenly very aware and self-conscious about this position. If our underwear wasn't in the way, he'd be between and kinda-sorta in me. I feel wetness penetrate and permeate. My nipples cut against my shirt. Edward snakes his hands up my shirt and when he can't feel or see what he wants to, he rips it off and tosses it to the floor. He pulls down my bra and my breasts harden and tighten from the sudden cold and the feel of him down there. Edward moans a simple "mmm" before he leans back and presses his hips up to meet mine. The head of his cock presses on my clit and my head bends backward. I grind shallowly over and over, back and forth, dragging his head over my most sensitive, cotton covered area.

He sucks in a breath and tells me, "Shit yeah, just like that. Ride me, Bella."

I grab onto the back of the couch spurred by impulse and horniness. My eyes are squeezed shut but I feel his on my breasts and the softness of my belly and the way my undies stick to my wetness.

"You should fucking see yourself right now, pretty girl," he whispers, and his head leans down to suck a nipple in his mouth. He licks and plucks and scrapes his teeth. I grind harder and faster and the feeling of him against my opening spins me deeper. I'm so close and I'm losing it. "I can see your little lips right through your panties," he whispers after releasing my nipple. "I can watch myself spread you lips and see it all," he comments more. His words, so dirty, send throbs and pulses and wetness right to my clit.

Edward takes my hips and presses me on him harder. He slides himself roughly up my slit faster and faster. "Oh yes," I whimper. "Like that Edward."

"Right here?" he asks, grinding me faster and grabbing my untouched nipple with his teeth.

"Yes," I hiss. I lean back and place one hand on his knee. "Harder," I moan. "Please."

He obliges and as he moves my center up and down his cock, he grinds up into me. I feel the strength of his pumps and the hardness under me.

"Edward, I'm close," I whisper.

"Me fucking too," he groans. His breathing comes in gasps. I feel one hand leave my hip and snake behind my body to knead and squeeze my cheek, I feel pressure and tingles and the knot in my belly tighten.

"Do it again," I whimper.

He's looking right at me. His hooded eyes mirror mine and when his palm slaps my cotton cover bottom and squeezes me onto him harder, the knot tightens and splits. I fall. I'm covering my mouth and whimpering into my palm. I come on him and he helps me ride through it. His hand never leaves my backside. He's pulling and kneading and squeezing me onto him, helping move my body through my orgasm. His free hand grasps my breast.

There are no other words Edward can say right now. He watches me come undone, uncoil, and lose myself through his attention to my most delicate, wettest areas. I feel the burn of his eyes on every inch of my body. I feel the way he stares at my soft belly and the way my undies press into the slit of my center. I feel the way he stares at the smooth skin of my lips barely peeking out of the sides of my undies. I feel the way he stares at my swollen, bitten, flushed pink nipples.

When I come to, he's still moving my hips over him. We're going slower and harder and my center is so sore and swollen and so wet it's almost uncomfortable.

"Are you?" I ask softly. He nods and scrunches his brows. I take over and press faster. When I speed up, faster than before, falling into a quick, deep rhythm against his shaft, Edward's breathing increases. I bend down, opening myself slightly, and bite his neck. His head falls to the side and he kneads the softness of my bottom.

"Do it, Edward. I want to watch you when you come on me."

His hips raise up and meet me thrust for thrust. His eyes open, blazing, and his mouth gapes slightly. Steadfast, hot determination replaces the crease in his brow. He's confident and sexy and he wants this.

Two hands grab and pull my backside instead of my hips and my thighs burn from exertion. I'm about to plead for him to come so I can take a break, but then his mouth falls open and I feel the sudden hardness under me stiffen more before he pulses hard and pushes me back.

"I'm coming," he presses out harshly and his muscles go rigid.

When I look down, wetness pools and opaque white seeps out of his boxer. It pulses and pulses and pulses until his twitching has stopped and he grunts repeatedly as I rock my hips in short, shallow strokes.

"Fuck," he groans the second his body slacks. "Fuck, Bella."

I giggle because same and because that was the hottest thing I've ever seen.

"I haven't come that fucking hard in a long ass time," he jokes. I watch as he deflates very slowly under me. I lean forward and kiss the shit out of him.

"Thank you," I whisper to him, kissing the spot just under his ear.

"For what, baby B?" he asks lazily, cradling me and dragging his fingers up and down my back.

"Everything, especially for letting me watch you enjoy yourself on me."

I can feel his smile and love and he holds me tighter. He whispers love and devotion and satisfaction and happiness and Christmas joy and incredible adoration.

After we clean up, it's nearing dawn, and Edward presses me against his door. He kisses me lightly, shallowly, over and over and I'm about to tell him to stop when I press my legs together.

"You're the best," he tells me, traveling his lips down my jaw slowly. He doesn't do it to turn me on. He does it because it pulls him and he needs it and the skin on my jaw needs his lips. "You're my girl, right Bella?" he asks, pausing to pull away and search my eyes. His are full of hope and raw determination and unsure answers.

"I'm your girl," I tell him, and it feels official. "Your secret, baby-sister's-best-friend girl, but I'm still yours, Edward." He nods, okay with the answer. "Does that mean you're mine?"

"Always," he tells me, without a doubt, love laced. "I'm yours."

Our time has expired. He kisses me twice more before we head back to the basement.

~!~

**Hope you're all still enjoying! Let me know your thoughts. The relationship between Jasper and Alice is devastatingly beautiful and hard to write only in snippets through Bella's eyes. I wonder how different it would be through Edward's?**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Snow falls into early March. School bores me. Alice and Jasper hold hands in the hallway sometimes. His mom calls three more times and talks to him twice. He says he doesn't care, but Edward says sometimes, when they're smoking outside, he talks about wanting to maybe see her. So, when Mr. Cullen calls Jasper's case worker to come over, Alice storms into my house.

"Why is he being so stupid?" she asks. I watch her toy with the scissors on my desk. It's Friday after school and I'm working on math problems on my bed.

"Is he?" I ask, pausing the lead on my paper to glance at her. She turns slowly, dejected. She needs me to agree with her, but I know the full story and she's in the dark. I hate these stupid secrets and I feel the flow of blood in my heart surge and pound with anxiety. She's going to find out. I'm going to slip. She's going to hate me.

"I don't know, is he, B? Tell me." Her fingers anxiously pick at her nails and the split skin on her fingers.

I put my pencil down and close my book. When I scoot my bottom to the end of my bed and let my legs dangle, I study her expression. Alice twirls back and forth slowly in my chair. She tries so hard to seem tough as nails and stronger than nature, but right now she's fidgety and disheartened and fearful for the boy who has her heart beating in his back pocket.

"I think that maybe he sees your parents create a safe, loving, warm bubble around your house, and he wants so badly to have that with his mom."

"But we already give him that," she says softly.

"You do," I agree. "But, he has a mom, and even though she has her own issues, she's still _his_ mom."

"So, what? You think he should just see her and accept her back and pretend like nothing ever fucking happened?" Alice is becoming increasingly agitated.

"Not at all," I express. "I think if he wants a safe, healthy relationship with her, his case worker will help set up some boundaries or something. There are a lot of adults in his life that will help keep him safe."

She nods over and over. Her head bobs and the way her lips purse reminds me of her brother. She sits up straighter in my chair and grabs the scissors. I think maybe she's going to trim the ends of her hair like she's done many times, but when she grabs her hair near the base of her neck and snips dull scissors over and over and over, the beat of my heart increases. It takes many minutes for the dull blade to cut through her thick locks, but when she's finished, uneven hair tickles her décolleté. Inches of hair scatter around her feet and I feel the heavy breath from her lungs pull and release. She's scared and on the brink. I stand up and give her the only thing I can: loyalty.

~!~

It's may and Alice is fifteen now. The ends of her hair are cut straight and dyed rose gold at the end blended to her scalp. She's so pretty. When I tell her, she winks. Today's the day Jas will see his mom for the first time in a year and a half. Today, my nerves swim deep inside my stomach only concealed for my best girl and her brother. Alice seems ok, but I think her nerves are concealed by denial.

Edward sits with Jasper on the back porch and Alice and I watch reruns of Teen Mom in the basement. I'm on my back, head turned to the television, and legs resting on the back of the couch.

"She's such a fucking bitch," Alice says. "Who gets their kids taken away like seven times and then just keeps popping more out?" I nod and agree, popping a piece of popcorn between my lips.

I hear the sliding door open and close and boy feet pad down the stairs. I turn my head and watch him watch me. His eyes speckle May-green and sun filled excited. He smirks and bends to kiss my toe quickly before plopping down on the couch.

"The fuck is this?" he asks, stealing the remote from Alice's hands.

"Hey!" she yells as he flips to ESPN. "We were watching that!"

I giggle at Alice's exasperation and place another piece of popcorn in my mouth. I feign irritation and hit Edward's head with my bare foot.

"Yeah, Edward. Put it back on!"

He glances at me and smiles. "Say pretty, _pretty_ please, little B," he teases.

I roll my eyes. "Please," I tell him, bored.

"Oh, c'mon, B. Say it like you mean it."

"Oh, _please_, Edward. Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top put it back on!" I throw my hand over my forehead dramatically and hit him in the chest with my calf.

Alice's giggles turn into chuckles and Jas smirks gently at the playfulness of Alice's mood. Jasper's eyes are hooded and high and he's relaxed all the way into the couch. Edward's eyes are light and delicate, and his eyes blink slowly. A small smile tugs at his lips and he hands me the remote.

"Thanks," I tell him smugly, turning on my side and throwing it back to Al who winks. Edward directs my feet to his lap and when Alice turns back around to face the TV, he slowly rubs up my feet to my calves to my knees and decorates smooth skin with tiny goosebumps and swirls circles on exposed skin.

We sit in silence for the remainder of the show and when the doorbell rings, I watch Alice's body straighten and Jasper bend down to kiss her. "I'll be okay, Alice," he whispers gently in her ear. When I sit up, Edward pulls me close and nuzzles my ear gently before releasing me to Alice. The boys climb the stairs and I pull Alice to me. We listen to heels click on hardwood upstairs. When the door shuts and there is eventual silence, she melts into me.

They've been planning this for a few weeks and Alice's nerves originate from the fear of Jasper's impending disappointment by the woman who never even raised him.

"It's just a few hours," I tell her. "His case worker and your mom are going to be there. He'll be ok," I tell her over and over. "He'll be ok."

I listen as Edward's footsteps slowly ascend the second floor and the gentlest click of his bedroom door whispers fears-for-best-friend into the empty hallway. Alice isn't crying but I feel the way her stomach somersaults and the bile sit right at the top of her chest.

"I love him," she whispers.

"I know," I whisper into rose gold, silky hair and nod.

I know her like the grooves in my fingernails and swirls on my fingers. I know that she loves bananas on her pancakes and only strawberry yogurt and soda from a can and never from a bottle. I know that she cuts her hair when she's worried and the one painted black fingernail matches Jasper's one painted black toenail. I know that she loves when Jasper's hair is long and she can throw it in a bun. I know that she grows her fingernails only because Jasper loves the way it scrapes his scalp. I know that every Thursday night, he takes her out back and shotguns smoke into her lungs while her brother is on the phone with me and I'm watching the pair from my window. I know that she is my best girl and her brother is my best everything.

When Alice detaches herself from me, we order a pizza. Alice picks and pulls at cheese and wipes grease off onto white napkins. I set another plate for her brother.

"I'm going to go to tell your brother there's pizza down here," I explain but I don't even think she hears me. She's so lost in her thoughts and her world and worries for the blonde boy who's ignoring her texts.

I walk up the steps quietly and knock on his door. He swings it open and pulls me in. He doesn't smile. He wraps strong arms around my neck and suffocates me. While I've been with his sister, helping her through nerves and worries and what-ifs, my boy's been suffering up here alone. I throw my arms around his torso and squeeze. The softness of his lips touch my hair and I turn to them, needing to feel them on my own. Our kiss is soft and soothing.

"Come downstairs," I tell him. "There's pizza."

He nods and follows me. The three of us sit silently. Alice stills plays with her food, but Edward takes three big bites in a row. He tries to distract himself. When we hear the tune of the front door unlocking, Alice sprints. Edward grabs my hand and offers the smallest smile.

When she pulls Jas to the dining room, he looks okay. He looks like he did before he left. His case worker says something to him that makes him nod but I'm too busy studying the way his face looks lighter, healthier, released.

Alice sets two plates for him and her mom and when the case worker leaves, she tells him to spill it. I glance at Edward who's been studying him as well.

"It was ok," he tells everyone, taking a bite of his pizza.

"Ok?" Alice asks. "Just ok?"

"Yeah," he smiles, nodding. "She was… different. She appoligized for every—"

Alice rolls her eyes. "Of fucking course she was. She almost killed you! She almost killed herself and left it for you to deal with it." Alice seethes and her breath comes in intense gasps. Every ounce of composure she's shown this whole time is out the window the second Jasper furrows confused, frustrated eyebrows at her. _Be there for me_ his eyes says. _I need you _his hands grab.

"Alice," Mrs. Cullen warns.

I watch Alice remove her hands from his. Jasper swallows hard. He's rejected by light and protection.

"No," she starts. "This is bullshit." I rest my hand on hers and the electricity of anger and rage for the boy she loves strikes my hand. "She doesn't deserve you. She doesn't deserve your second or third or fourth or whatever fucking chance this is! She's ruined you. She's hurt you. She messed you up! You're going to just let her come wallowing back until, what, she does it again? Come on, Jas!"

"Alice I think maybe you should excuse yourself," Mrs. Cullen says. I see the way she's resting her hand atop Jasper's who's doing nothing to refuse her love and support.

I force Alice's face to mine. I take both cheeks in my hands. "That is his mom," I tell her. "We should support him."

She's so angry and now it's directed at me. I feel the way her eyes threaten my nerves. "You're always on their side, Bella!" she argues, pulling her cheeks from the palms of my hands. "You're supposed to be my best friend. You're supposed to be on _my _side!" Her yells fall on my shoulders, weighing me down with guilt and grief and the biggest crack in my heart as she pushes her chair back and runs up to her room. My breathing picks up. Shame and betrayal and embarrassment light fires on my cheeks and chest and the super bottom of my heart and stomach. I feel pressure on my ribs and stings of tears irritate my eyelids. My hands fidget under the table and cold spreads over my limbs. I tingle but in the worst way possible.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Jasper tells me, coming to sit next to me. "This is my fault. It has nothing to do with you." The scratch of his stubble rubs my cheek and I welcome the distraction from the plummeting of my heart. Mrs. Cullen stands and clears the table before resting her hand on my shoulder.

"I'll go talk to her, Bella," she tells me before kissing my hair. Mrs. Cullen has never seen a fight or disagreement or anger laced words between me and Al. She's confused, but I am not. I nod. When Mrs. Cullen leaves, Edward pushes his chair back, scraping it against hardwood, and white knuckles rip themselves from wooden chairs and attach themselves to me. He stands and pulls me up. He absorbs me and crushes me and his heart beats for me. I don't cry, but I want to. Is Alice right? Am I always on _their_ side? Has my loyalty shifted from my girl's side to my boy's?

"She was in rehab," Jas tells me softly. "She went for six months last year when I was placed here." I nod, asking for him to continue. "She's been clean. She lives in a halfway house," he pauses before adding, "she left my dad," very quietly.

"Where is he?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Not sure, but my mom," he pauses for a moment, "she wants to try and have," another pause as he picks at his jeans, "she wants to earn my trust back."

I nod again, slower. "Is that what _you _want?" I ask my girl's boy.

His smile and gentle nod are the only things I need as confirmation.

It's just after midnight and Alice never comes back down. Mrs. Cullen tells me she just needs time. I think about going upstairs, but I don't. I think about going home, but Edward tells me not to. I think about staying in when they go outside to smoke, but I follow them.

In the woods, set back a couple yards, Edward makes seats from logs and stumps. We're far enough in that we can see but not be seen. Jasper's back faces the yard and Edward and I embrace on the log in front of him. Jasper pulls and holds and releases over and over until he puts out his roach and leans back. He's relaxed and his eyes are high in the sky counting stars and hoping for Alice.

Edward pulls and holds and releases into my mouth. I told him I needed something to help me relax so he's shot gunning relaxation between my lips until my mouth sears and my eyes burn. Best-girl-induced-heartache that tingles in my fingertips is replaced by charged currents that flow between his skin and mine.

"I fucking love you," he tells me, gripping my knee and watching me through high, hooded eyes.

I smile and giggle and tell him he sounds funny. I tell him I love his blue eyes and the red in his hair and the alabaster of his skin.

"You callin' me pale, Bella?" he asks playfully.

I nod. "Yeah I guess so."

He smirks and licks his lips before dipping his lips to my ear. "I love your pale, creamy thighs when they're wrapped around my waist."

He's trying to start something and the pot or the air or the jolt between the two of us turns me on. It's been months since he's touched me in any way, and I feel the effects. Sometimes he'll text me _I love your little undies _or _remember when you made me come, B? _or _I'm so fucking hard right now, pretty girl _and he'll make my center ache, but when he takes me to his room, it's to relax or kiss or sleep.

"I'm trying to keep your innocence," he tells me once, pushing off me.

"Rubbing your dick on my underwear doesn't keep my innocence," I whisper-yell one of the nights he denies me. I try to grab him through his sleep pants. I feel and see the wanton bulge and just as I grip, he pushes my fingers away.

"Bella," he warns, "you're not ready."

Here and now, on this log, I _feel _ready. Maybe it's the haziness of almost summertime evenings or the safety I feel with my boy and his bestie or the way Edward's pinky slips along the inside seam of my pants.

I stifle yawns and mini shivers and lean into my guy. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and he and Jas plan a game for tomorrow.

"Em, Jake, Paul, who else?" Edward asks, pulling out his phone to send a group chat.

"Embry, Sam, Riley?" Jas asks.

I watch the way Edward's brow raises. "If he so much as—"

"He won't," Jas says.

There's tension between these two and it's thicker than smoke released from lungs.

"What's the deal with him?" I ask Edward, knowing full well he'll just ignore. He does, so I turn to Jas and ask the same thing.

Jasper takes a breath. "He's just…"

"Trouble," Edward answers. He's on edge. His foot taps and leaves crunch and he's shaking the log we're sitting on.

"If you hate him," I start, motioning to Edward, "then why do you like him, Jas?"

No one answers and the night's suppressed irritation boils. I feel the way it burns up the back of throat.

I'm so tired of being kept in the dark about everything. Always. Edward knows this and he can feel the frenzy inside my nerves. I'm bubbling and just like Alice, I'm going to take it out on the wrong people.

"You guys are the fucking worst you know that?" I fume, standing to stomp my way back inside. "If I wanted to be ignored, I would just go home. I thought of all the people, you two would be the ones to tell me the truth. I'm tired of—"

"Quit acting like a little baby," Edward spits.

"Dude," Jas warns.

"I'm not!" I exclaim, stomping my foot at him. All he has to do is raise a brow. "I just wish you wouldn't keep me in the dark all the time. You know—"

"He's a fucking drug dealer, Bella," Edward shouts. He's made no motion for me to sit back down and now I do feel kind of childish. Early morning air whips my hair around my face and I sit back down slowly. "He's who I used to be. He's who I'd still be if I didn't fucking move here and now he's selling to my best friend." Edward's hands express himself in the air and his eyes are wide. This is fight but not just between him and I. This is for Jas, too.

"Why are you friends with him?" I ask.

"I hate him," Edward tells me, slipping his phone back in his pocket. "I hope your dad picks him the fuck up."

I slowly glance at Jas.

He shrugs and picks at perfectly worn jeans. "Sometimes I buy some shit from him."

"Yeah," Edward laughs sarcastically. "Sometimes," he mocks.

"Like what? Weed?"

Edward scoffs and his hand flies to his hair. Jas won't look at me, but he shakes his head.

"Used to be," he tells me. "Now it's… just… dumb shit, B. Doesn't matter."

"Yeah it does," I whisper. "Does Alice know?"

"What the fuck do you think, Bella?" Edward says irritably. He's the second Cullen to take out frustrations on me tonight. Him I wasn't expecting. The harshness of his tone and the sharp slices of his words I never planned for. I look at him with you-don't-have-to-be-so-mean eyes. He never sees them.

Jas shakes his head in embarrassment and unease and shame. "It's just stuff to help me sleep, relax, shit like that. Nothing bad."

I have no idea what this means, but I do know it's more secrets from my girl.

"Is it bad?" I ask Edward right in front of Jas.

Edward's head picks up and his blue eyes burn into Jas's. Silent communication between brothers makes me feel like an intruder. "Nah," Edward tells me dismissively, keeping his eyes on his friend. "He's straight." He's so nonchalant. He's so _I don't give a fuck. _This is the first time Edward's ever lied to me and there's a shift because all three of us know it. He clears his throat and when he stands, I know we're done with this conversation.

Butterflies swim in my stomach and I feel absolutely disgusting. Permanent creases decorate my forehead. The boys walk a head of me. Jas waits sort of in the middle. Edward is gone. He's so, so mad and upset and I can tell by the way balled up fingers tense and tattoo crescents in his palms. When I reach the back door, he's already up the stairs and I can hear his door shut. It's much louder right now than it was earlier when Jas left. Right now, he's not worried or scared or disappointed. Right now, he's pissed and I don't even know what I did. Jas doesn't say anything either as he disappears upstairs. I'm stuck wondering where I belong. Edward's the one who told me not to leave just hours ago when his sister shut me out.

Each of my friends are in their respective rooms, and I'm in a basement full of summertime secrets, knee tickles, and hidden kisses. I sit on the couch for a while in the dark, uneasy. My phone stays silent. Although my heart splits in two, it beats the same.

At seven in the morning, I hear footsteps upstairs and I can't bear to be in this room any longer. I tuck teal painted toes into white sandals and sneak out the front door.

My dad's cruiser is gone and when I walk in, mom says, "you're home early!"

I smile gently. "Alice has to help her mom with something, and I wanted to get a jump start on a research assignment." The last part isn't a total lie. I do have a research project for English, but it's not due for a week. I trudge up the stairs and when my knees hit the bed, I fall forward and sleep until the afternoon.

No new messages. No missed calls. No worries from friends or apologies from boys who shut me out last night. I jump in the shower and scrub disappointment and sadness off my skin. I grab my bookbag and sit at the table on my front porch. My earbuds sing perfect melancholy while I start the outline for my English project. I'm sitting so that I can see the Cullen's driveway and I kinda-sorta hope the boys come out and play ball or Alice decides she needs me, but neither happen, so I turn the volume up and get to work.

Over an hour passes and I've gotten only a little farther along. I pull out my earbuds and sigh. My knees are tucked discretely under my chin and I let my heart double beat softly for a few moments, reveling in the sadness. My stomach hurts so bad it makes my eyes water. I check my phone. Nothing.

Dinner time passes. I kick around the meatballs and pasta on my plate and this must have been what Alice felt like last night.

"You okay, baby?" mom asks, putting her hand on my cheeks. "You feel warm."

"I guess I do feel kind of sick," I tell her, and it's the truth.

"Why don't you go up to bed, Bella. Get some sleep." She's clearing my plate before I have a chance to argue.

I'm tired from sadness and blues and missing my best friends. I wonder what's going on over there. I peak out my window. Nothing. Lights from the kitchen are on, but that's all I can see. I sigh softly and change into my pajamas. I hate these feelings. I don't know what to do with these feelings. I don't even know that these feelings are. I'm uneasy and my leg is restless. I try to breathe but it comes in short strokes and there's a pain in my chest. I want to cry. A dry lump sits front row in my throat, and I squeeze parched eyes closed willing for any liquid to seep. I get nothing.

It's just after ten and I decide to put my feelings aside. I find his name and type out a message.

_Everything ok?_

He responds within a minute. _Yeah _

Monday morning I'm getting ready for school and put on his favorite little jean shorts and a band tee Alice gave me that Edward claims is his. He loves me in his clothes, and I almost never wear them to school.

My heart still hurts for my best friend and the sharpness of her tone aimed at only me, but the anger and coldshoulder from Edward nags at me harsher. I walk my tennis shoes covered feet right up to my locker and pretend not to see my guy and his friends down the hall. I can feel his eyes on me the second I bend over to grab a book from the bottom of my locker.

I root around for a little longer, looking through math worksheets and making sure I have a pencil before I shut my locker. My brows furrow just the slightest when I take note that not only did he not come over, but he's not even standing with his friends anymore. I walk solemnly to my first class, and then my second, and by the third I can't believe my plan didn't work.

In the bathroom, I tie the looseness of his shirt at the corner and tuck it under. The smallest sliver of my skin peeks out when I reach up.

I don't see him again until lunch. He's sitting with Jas and Jake and Emmett, and he's laughing so hard I see wetness reflect in his eyes. I think back to the text from last night and his simple, one-word response. _Yeah. _I don't know why, but seeing him enjoying himself with his friends, bantering, free falling into amusement at the lunch table sends fiery bricks plummeting in my belly. My heart coasts around inside my chest and I rub my neck uncomfortably. I'm standing at the lunch line for too long and when he catches my eyes and the way my fingers rub red, irritated lines all over my neck and chest, I don't look away.

_What did I do?_ my eyes plead. My brows knit together, and nervousness builds a ladder to my heart. His smile drops slowly, and his eyes narrow slightly. I ruined whatever they were laughing about. I watch as they all sort of ease back in their chairs. Lightness from his voice and his face is replaced with trouble and worry and… frustration?

I'm next in line to order, but I need to leave. I can't be in here anymore. I can't watch Edward laugh with his friends and narrow at me. I can't listen to Jas joke and smile. I can't face Alice whose got her nose in a book, something she absolutely _never _does. My breaths are shallow and they come out in short, painful exhales through nostrils. My eyes are everywhere but their table and when I place the red tray back atop the others and turn, Jasper is in front of me.

I turn my body and the tingle of my fingers hurts all the way up my arms and into my chest. I'm so, so confused. What did I do? Did I say something? Did I ask too many questions? What happened?

"Listen," Jas says, holding my shoulders still. "Breathe," he whispers.

I shrug out of his grasp. My neck hurts and my eyes burn and my chest feels like 1,000 feathers lay atop it.

"Bella," he says from beside me, but I'm pushing away and past him and I don't even look at his table when I leave the cafeteria.

He doesn't follow me, but he texts minutes after I find a place to sit in the library. _It's me he's mad at._

I scoff. _Didn't seem that way a few minutes ago._

_He doesn't know what the fuck to do, B. He lied to you and he hates himself so much for it that he's mad at you but mostly at me. _

When I don't respond, neither does he. I love Jas. He's my brother and my friend and he always has the words I need to hear, but he's not the right boy and I don't want to talk to him.

The rest of the day passes super slowly. I tap the lead of my pencil on white paper and pepper it with dots. Sores irritate my heart every minute that passes with no indication of Edward's attempts.

At home, I help mom make dinner. I put my phone on silent. I ask dad about his day.

"Same old, same old," he tells me with a wink.

"What kind of cases are you working on now?"

He used to fill me in on a lot more than he does now, but I guess because a lot of the culprits he works against are kids from my school, he keeps quiet either from fear I'll tell them, or I'll give him false information. I don't think my dad trusts me.

"Nothing really all that interesting, honey," he says taking a large gulp of his beer. "Hey, you haven't been to the Cullen's in a few days," he pauses glancing at my mom. "Everything ok?"

I nod. "Yeah. Alice has a big project for school and so do I. This year was tough. A lot more work for finals than last year," I lie. I mean, it is a lot more work, but nothing I can't handle.

"Oh," dad says, stabbing chicken with his fork. "So nothing to do with those boys?"

I have to force a laugh and it hurts my insides so hard. "What? Why would it have to do with Jasper or Edward?" Even saying his name burns my throat.

He quirks a brow and my mom clears her throat. "Charlie," mom says slowly but he dismisses her.

"I've seen that Biers kid hanging around with the blonde boy too frequently lately. I don't like it and I don't like you being there."

I play dumb. "Biers? You mean Riley Biers? What's wrong with him?" I cut my chicken into smaller cubes before forcing a mouthful and chewing slowly.

"He's trouble. Stay away from him," is all he gives me.

"I only heard that he's got a bad home life and Jasper helps him through some issues." I don't necessarily lie. I did hear that from Alice a while ago.

"Hmph," dad chokes out. "He isn't someone I want my daughter hanging around. Word at the station is he's a stoner. Stay away from him, got it?" he tells me pointedly.

"Ok, dad," I tell him softly. He nods and when dinner is finished, he helps my mom clear the table.

Upstairs, I check my phone for any news or messages from my bestie or my best boy. There's nothing. Silence sends my heart overboard.

Tuesday isn't much better, but Edward seems slightly lighter today. I'm wearing a light purple romper with a white sweater and when Edward walks past me, I feel the lightest brush of his knuckles against my thigh. To anyone else, it looks like an accident, like he ran out of room between me and his friend, but I know the truth. He's calculated and sure and this is his _I'm sorry _and _I miss you_ but I'm too-many-days-of-radio-silence hurt and when I slam my locker and bounce away, I tell him _try harder _and _it's not good enough_.

I slip smiles on for friends and laugh softly when appropriate. At lunch, I watch Alice swallow down sips of water and a pretzel. Today, I'm watching her. I miss my bestie. Ambiguity and misunderstanding replace her usual confidence, and my heart aches for her. I catch her eye when I'm in line for lunch. She shows me the slightest little smile and butterflies stretch unused wings uncomfortably in my stomach.

My eyes are on hers and my feet carry me to where she's walking towards me. I feel the eyes of basketball boys, especially number 17, on my back as we embrace and hug in the middle of a crowded lunchroom.

"I'm sorry," she breathes gently. I wrap my arms tighter around her neck. Tears turn my lilac romper violet and when she squeezes my arms in her tiny little hands, I know she means it. Alice grips and grabs and holds me to her. "I didn't mean to yell at you, B. I was just so fucking mad at him." She's whispering. I look around. We're closer to their table than I want, so I take her hand in mine and lead her to the emptiest table I can find.

"Tell me what happened."

She holds her forehead in her palm. "I was just so mad. We gave him everything and he threw it in our faces like it's nothing. We've been there for him for a year and half. We clothed and fed and loved him when his mom couldn't. Wouldn't! And he just goes crawling back to her." Alice's confused tone is not laced with anger. She's moved on to hurt and gloom and red puffs under her eyes tell me she's been crying a lot.

I nod. I understand, but I also think she's being immature. I tell her this in the best way I can. "You're right, his mom couldn't give him the love he needed then, but now she can, or she can at least try," I try to explain. My hand rests on hers and she doesn't recoil. I'm nervous but I'm not. I'm worried she'll react the same but this time I don't care as much.

"Keep talking," she tells me softly.

I shrug, not sure what else to say. "He obviously feels the need to have her in his life right now. We should support him. If it doesn't work out like he's planning, he'll need you, Al."

"He's barely said three words to me. Do you know how awkward it's been at my house? I didn't have you. The boys have been jerks. Edward and Jasper aren't talking to me. They're not even mean about it either. If they're in the basement when I go down, they both stand up and leave. If they're eating dinner when I come downstairs, they eat as fast as they can and fuck off. I don't even try and go outside to smoke with them even though I really need it, B. Like, really. I tried texting Riley for some weed but all he said was "no" and now I have nothing."

"Riley's bad news," I tell her. "Stay away from him."

She nods in agreeance. "I missed you, Bella. I'm so fucking sorry."

I smile gently as the bell rings. I look up, holding hands with my best girl, and Edward's staring at us. He's not smiling. He's not scowling. He's nothing, just staring, and so am I.

I'm sitting in English, it's the end of the day, and my phone buzzes in my pocket. Edward's name lights up my phone but squeezes my heart.

_Kiss and makeup? _

I don't know if he's talking about me and him or me and Alice. Either way, I ignore it. My silence says _I'm not ready for forgiveness _and _you hurt me so badly._

After school, I'm sitting outside, studying for the English final when my phone rings. It's him again. I send it to voicemail. He calls back immediately, and I let it ring. After it ends, I turn my phone to silent, face down, and continue studying. I have so much, yet nothing at all, to say to him. I want to pound him into the ground with my words and yell love and hurt and angry words at him, but the emptiness in my belly hurts my throat and cause weights and heaviness on my chest.

After I finish the study guide on Shakespeare, I hear footsteps on my back porch and the chair next to me scrapes against warped wood as it's pulled out.

"Are you going to ignore me forever, pretty?" he says softly. His chair is pulled out so he's facing me.

My jaw clenches and I swallow dryly. I read and reread question three of the next study guide. Numb eyes and hurtful beats of my heart sting uncomfortably. I want to yell, but my mom is inside somewhere.

"You better go," I tell him. "Someone's going to see."

"I don't give a fuck," he tells me, placing his hand on the arm of my chair and spinning me around so I'm facing his prying eyes. I study him. His eyes soften and cherry red lips part slightly. His copper brown hair sticks out one thousand ways and my fingers itch. I breathe deeply and let go forcefully.

"Where have you been?" I ask him, crossing my arms and raising a brow. He's not getting away this easily.

He points to his house. "In my room."

I'm annoyed and my heart bleeds acid into the nerves of my belly, setting my stomach on fire. So, I cut to the chase. "What's your problem? I don't get it. You just… you… you cut me out. What the hell happened?"

His lips purse and he leans back. It's his turn to breathe deeply, trying to relax the demons fighting in his chest. He's not surprised I asked point blank, but he wasn't expecting it. I can tell by his lack of response. "I was scared," he says slowly.

I roll my eyes. "Of what?"

"Of what lying to you did to me." Before I can ask what he lied about, he answers for me. "I think Jasper's hooked on some fucked up shit. He's my boy, so I turned my head and ignored the issue, but now it's more than it isn't and when you asked if it was bad, I had to tell you no because I didn't want to scare him. I didn't want him to know that he's fucking up. I didn't want him to think he's following in his mom's footsteps."

"Is he?"

"Yes. The shit Riley sells him? It's stepping stones."

"So tell him."

"I did. I told him the next day and he laughed at me. He clapped my back and said he has it under control." Then he shrugs. "Nothing more I can do, really."

I nod silently and study him. "So, why did you ignore me for days, Edward?"

"I thought it would be easier," he says gently.

"What would be?" I ask. A lump balls in my throat.

"Keeping you in the dark. I didn't want you to know about Jasper. I didn't want you to see me lose my fucking cool with him. I didn't want you to see me be that guy to fuck Riley up."

I laugh because this is absurd. "You literally did none of that." He nods slowly. "You were laughing and having fun, I saw you."

"Have you seen Riley at school this week?" he asks softly. I think back. My brows scrunch. At lunch, I saw the typical guys at his table like Jake, Paul, Sam, and Embry, but not Riley.

"No, I guess not." He raises a brow. "What'd you do, Edward?"

"Told him to stay the fuck away from my family," he says before adding, "with my fists."

We're silent for a few minutes and I study his hands. Dark purple stains his knuckles, but the bruises are healing. He watches my reaction, but he can't see my heart flutter and the blood in my fingers rush beneath my skin.

"I'm really fucking scared he's going to fuck himself up," Edward whispers, and this is the most honest he's ever been. He's no longer looking at me but through me. I place my palm on his knee and his eyes snap to mine. Glassy eyes meet my own, and we're searching for something. "I'm sorry, Bella," he breathes, and anger from silence and hurt from mean words release and my shoulders fold in. "I'm really fucking sorry. I didn't mean it. You're not a baby. You're not childish. You're stronger than I am, B."

I'm crying and I hate it. I feel weak and childish, like the harsh words he called me so many days ago. "You really hurt my feelings," I tell him honestly.

"Shit," he whispers, grabbing his hair. "I'm such a fucking idiot. I'm so sorry, baby." His hand is on my knee. "I missed your smile. I've been watching you, waiting for your smile. I've been waiting for your eyes on me so I could look into you. I've been thinking about you and loving you from my room."

I wipe tracks off my cheek and pat my eyes with the cotton of my sweater. He's smiling at me and when my mom slides the door of the back porch open, my soul freezes.

"Hey Bella, what do you—. Oh, Edward, what are you doing here?"

He doesn't look as stressed as I am. "We're in the same Spanish class. She was helping me with verbs for the final. I hope that's ok?"

"Of course," she tells Edward lightly and I think she actually means it. "Bella, dinner in thirty, okay honey?"

"Sure, mom."

"Would you like to stay, Edward?" she asks unexpectedly.

Edward smiles gently and looks at me before replying. "I'd love to, Mrs. Swan."

My mom seems happy enough as she pops back into house. I hear her flutter around the kitchen.

"Maybe we'll get that first date sooner than we thought, pretty B."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Dinner isn't as awkward as I was expecting. Dad's working late, so it's just the three of us—me, mom, and Edward. She sets the round dinner table in the nook of the kitchen and asks Edward to pour lemonade while I help bring the serving dishes over. He's busy piling oodles of noodles on his plate and pouring sauce and meatballs over top. Edward grabs a smaller plate for two pieces of bread and a salad. I watch my mom's eyes turn into spaceships when Edward grabs his second serving. She smiles and laughs to herself.

"When's the last time you ate, Edward?" she jokes.

It's lost on him as he tells her, "like, noon."

I laugh as my mom shakes her head. When he's done, he sits back and puts his arm over the back of the free chair next to him.

"Wow, Mrs. Swan," he starts. "That was delicious."

The way to mom's heart is through kind words and compliments. I watch pink paint her cheeks and her eyes twinkle as she looks at him. "Thank you, Edward."

"No, really. I mean, I've had spaghetti and meatballs, but this was… What sauce is this? Bertolli? Ragu? I'm going to ask my mom to buy it."

She giggles and clears her place. "I make it myself, honey."

"Woah," he says over another bite of bread. Edward isn't buttering my mom up. He's not trying to impress her by being nice. Edward means every word he says, and now it's me who's blushing strawberry red.

I stand to clear our places, but he grabs my wrist and takes our plates. "I got it, Bella," he tells me gently and winks when my mom begins rinsing the dishes. I'm warm and fuzzy and he's being so sweet it makes my belly hurt. I've missed this. I've missed him.

When I put away the leftovers, mom tells us to go and finish studying. Edward shrugs and follows me out back. It's darker now, and the rising moon send chills over my arms. I pull a sweater out of my backpack and onto my arms. Edward sits in the same spot and watches me. He looks at my fingers as they pull cotton closer to my chest. He watches the setting sun cast sunflower-yellow-orange rays on the side of my face. He watches my right legs as it crosses the left. He watches my hair fall in my face and the way I squint my blues to stare into his.

"What if Alice asks where you are?"

"She won't."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Her and Jas are… making up."

My face heats and I'm instantly jealous but sort of relieved. I nod gently.

"You're okay with that?"

"Fuck no. But it gives me time to be with my girl, so I told him to take his fucking time." Edward shakes his head and runs fingers through his hair. Penny-red highlights twist through the strands and his fingers caress days worth of worry from his hair.

"So, are they like… having sex?" I whisper the last part.

"Fuck, B, I don't know! I don't want to think about it." He shivers in baby-sisters-growing-up disgust. I laugh gently.

I catch his attention and the tips of his fingers tickle my shin. "You're always so soft," he whispers. "I love to see your skin, B. When you wore my shirt to school," he starts and pauses, shaking his head.

"What about it?" I ask softly.

He smirks and looks up through dark, deep eyes. Thick lashes frame blue-greens and my heart thumps quicker. He knows he has me. "You looked so good," he starts, trailing his palm up to my leg and pushing my knees apart so my legs open wide and my center presses against the plastic of the chair, "I wanted to fucking eat you."

My bottom lip slips between my teeth and I nibble gently. He watches the swells of my breast rise and fall heavier and heavier. The weight of his stare consumes me.

"And that's exactly what I did," he tells me, pulling my chair closer to his so that his knees touch the edge of my chair and mine encompass his. "When I got home from school that day," he breathes, edging his palm and the pads of my fingers up my thigh to the hem of my super thin romper, "I had you laid out on my bed, Bella." He pulls me closer still, shifting my hips lower so that I was slouched so far down. He takes each foot in his hand and places it on the edge of his chair next to his knees. "I tore your jean shorts down." He places his palms on my knees and quickly spreads them wide. A gentle whimper-sigh escapes me. "I pulled your little cotton panties to the side." Fingertips dance up my thighs and when his fingers reach my apex, I hold my breath.

"Edward," I moan gently, trying to close my legs but his arms deny me. "What if my mom sees?"

He swallows thickly. "She's in the kitchen with her back to us," he tells me, his eyes flicker to the glass sliding door. "No one can see you. No one can see what I do to you. How do you feel, Bella?" He smirks gently. He knows exactly how I feel. "Do you like hearing that I jerk off to you? Do you like knowing it's your pussy that makes my dick hard?" I nod slowly. "Do I make you wet, B?"

I nod. "Yeah."

"Do you touch yourself?" he asks softly.

I shake my head no.

"Do you want to?" he asks softer.

I nod my head.

"Do it now, Bella. Put your fingers on yourself."

I slip my fingers over my hips and just as they rest on my center, I tell him, "you do it."

His lips purse and he's actually really thinking about it. His eyes flirt between my center and the glass door. It looks like he's just about to slip his fingers up to my middle when he quickly and suddenly sits us up. He slips my feet to the ground and pulls a paper from the table.

"So when You is singular informal it's tu, but when it's singular plural it's vostros?" His brows knit together in mock confusion and the sheet covers his lap. Mine knit together in pure confusion… until the door slides open.

"Yeah, unless it's You plural and formal," I tell him, pointing to the writing on the study guide that actually talks about Shakespeare's childhood.

"And then it's… ustedes?"

"Yeah!" I tell him.

"Bella?" mom asks.

I turn around feigning surprise. "Sorry mom, I didn't hear you come out. What's up?"

She smiles gently. "Your dad will be home soon." I nod knowing that means it's time for Edward to leave.

"Okay mom," I tell her, and she closes the door gently.

He smiles softly and shakes his head softer. "You're lucky," he tells me. He stands and his deflating, but still so big, bulge is staring me right in the eyes. I lick my lips. He groans and grabs himself, rearranging so it's not as noticeable. I want to ask what he did with it, but then he leans down, kisses me, saying, "I'll see you later, pretty B."

I gather up my work neatly and take my time going inside. I put my bookbag by the door and sit with my mom on the couch.

"He's a nice kiddo," she says, sipping on a glass of wine and flipping through the channels.

"Yeah, I guess," I tell her, curling my legs underneath me. She turns her head and smiles at me. "What mom?" I ask cautiously.

"Nothing," she says subtly but her pink lips are strung like Christmas lights across her face.

I finish watching the end of Bridesmaids with my mom and fake a yawn. It's just after ten when I head upstairs. I'm changing into sleep shorts and curling up in bed. My phone has unread messages from multiple people.

Rose says _fucking Emmett! _I roll my eyes and type back _what'd he do this time?_

Jasper says _Your girlfriend is nuts. _I giggle and say _I know._

Edward says _If your mom hadn't come out… _Heated, I ask _what would you have done? _

Alice says _Jasper's dick is fucking huge! _And I call her.

We're on the phone for thirty minutes as she tells me exactly what happened, sparing no detail, even when I tell her to stop.

"You should see it, Bella," she tells me. "Do you want to see it? I took a picture."

"What!" I giggle-shout. "No!"

"I'll send it right now, Bella. You gotta see it."

"Alice I swear to god!" I tell her. "He's like my brother. I don't want to see his penis!" I whisper the last part.

"Okay, okay—fine!"

She tells me they did not have sex _yet_, but he let her touch him and "when he came, it went _everywhere_," she gasps excitedly. I giggle because I kinda-sorta know what she's talking about but not really. Alice entered a new land tonight.

"So, you forgive him? Or, he forgives you? Or, I don't even remember who was mad at who?"

She laughs a little. "Yeah, we're cool," she says softly. I want to ask her if she knows about _all _his demons like the stuff he buys from Riley, but I don't open my mouth. Jasper keeps my secrets, so I keep his, and my poor Alice is more in the dark than she's ever been. But her darkness is illuminated by the light and love tunneling from Jasper's eyes.

When we hang up, I have a missed message from Edward. _You_. My blush is deep and hot and my eyes are lit on fire by gasoline and matches.

_Are you asleep?_ I ask him, unsure how to revisit this conversation.

_The opposite._

_What are you doing?_

_You don't wanna know._

_Try me._

It's minutes before he responds. _Should I just show you? _

My breath catches and tingles shoot down my nerves. _If you want?_

And within thirty seconds, I have my very own, very secret, very hard number 17 photo. This time, his boxers are gray.

~!~

June passes painfully. Edward leaves for a week to attend Seattle Elite Basketball Camp. He's busier this time around and although he texts frequently, he only calls once. It's okay though because Alice and I are busy laying out and visiting a newly single Rose everyday that he's gone. Jasper hangs with Riley and when I ask if he's ok, he says, "I'm good." The day we go pick Edward up is the grand tournament. His team comes in second and he's crushed. It's not that he can't afford to attend camp next year, Edward just hates losing. He is also set on earning a full ride to a four year school on scholarship, and coming in second doesn't mean shit to recruiters, or so he says. He's so mad on the way home that he pops his earbuds in and keeps to himself the entire ride home.

The entire ride until we're thirty minutes from home and he texts me _you look beautiful today, pretty B._ I smile and look out my window. _I missed you_ he tells me shortly after the first message. _I need to kiss you _he says when we're ten minutes from home.

And when Alice and Jas fall asleep later that night, that's exactly what he does. He lays me next to him on the oversized couch, our chests rise and fall together as our lips fight for dominance and our tongues battle for love over and over. He doesn't bother taking me upstairs. He gives me seven days of I-miss-you's and touch-me's. He gives me love and breath and adoration.

Fourth of July passes and nothing special happens. We visit La Push, we watch fireworks, and Edward chases me with sparklers. Rose and Emmett make-out on the sand all night. Jas and Al disappear every now and then to get high behind the bathrooms. He's too lazy to chase her with sparklers.

Edward turns sixteen and he gets his permit.

"My dad says he'll buy me a beater car if I pass my test on the first shot," he tells me one night.

"Will you take us to school?"

"I'll take you everywhere, B," he says with a kiss to my nose.

July blurs into August and I'm fifteen. Mom throws a party for me, Al, and Rose. After we've eaten two cupcakes and a glass of milk each, we lay around on the couch while mom and dad are drinking beer and wine on the back porch with Alice's parents.

"Don't you want a boyfriend?" Rose asks.

I shrug. "I don't even think about it. My dad doesn't allow it."

Alice rolls her eyes. "We could totally sneak around," she says. I want to tell her I already do.

"It's not worth it," I tell her. "Besides, the boys in our grade suck."

"That's why you need an older man," Rose tells me with a nudge on my right side.

"A basketball player," Alice says with a nudge on my left side.

"Psh, like who?" I ask.

"Jake?" Rose suggests

"Oh lord, no. He's slept with, like, everyone," I remind them.

"Paul?"

"He picks his nose and eats it, Alice," I tell her in disgust.

"Sam?"

"Too tall."

"Embry?"

"Too short?"

They continue to name off almost every member of the team before Rose says, "Hey, what about Edward?"

"What about him?" Alice declares before I can respond.

"I mean, he's the _only_ one left," Rose fights back. "He isn't some manwhore, he's nice to, like, everyone, he's easy on the eyes—"

"He's my fucking brother," Alice says.

"So?"

"So that's dumb."

"Why?"

"Because!"

"Guys, stop," I tell them. They're getting louder and nastier with each passing moment.

They both look at me and cross their arms. Their argument is so dumb. Rose is mad because Alice is demanding, and Alice is mad because Rose is challenging. They're so much more alike than they know. I catch them off guard as I start laughing. I'm laughing and laughing, and wetness coats my cheeks. I'm laughing and falling and catching my breath.

"Why are you laughing?" Alice asks through a smile. I grab her leg and pull her down. She's on me and fighting my hands but laughing too. She grabs Rose and pulls her down, too. Rose giggles at my laughter and tells us we're crazy.

A week later, Jasper goes with Mrs. Cullen to meet with his mom at a restaurant and they're gone for hours. Alice sits next to me the entire time and her fingers play with a string that hangs from her white top.

"Let's go shoot hoops with Edward," she suggests. I grab her hand and when I slip my toes in my sandals, she laughs. "Want some sneakers?" she asks.

"Nope," I tell her, following her out the front door. Edward is shirtless and sweating and August-sun tanned.

"Hey shit head," he jokes with Al, bombing the ball towards her. "Hey sugar baby," he tells me. I have a blow-pop between my lips, and I make sure to twirl it around my tongue nice and slow when he's looking.

"I can't sit down there any longer," she tells him. "Where do you think they are?"

Edward shrugs. "Mom's with him, Al. He'll be ok." She nods, shoots, scores. "You ever think of trying out for the team?" Edward asks. "With a little more practice," he starts, dribbling and traveling around her to jump shoot, "you might just be half as good as me." He laughs when she tries to smack him. Sibling rivalry and sibling love shoots my heart sun-high and I'm flying around the soft, puffy clouds.

When I lean back on the grass, letting sharp blades hurt-tickle my back, I hear Alice ask, "you really think I'm good?"

Edward bounces twice before I hear _swish_ as the ball sings through the net. "Yeah, Al, I do." I can hear the brightness of her smile.

Jasper comes home within the hour and he shows Alice a piece of paper with a barcode and his name on it.

"I got my permit!" he yells excitedly. Alice smiles and high fives him.

I giggle and pull my glasses down on my nose. "I'll have to tell my dad to be careful out there now." Jas laughs and lays next to me on the grass while the Cullen siblings play ball.

"Was it hard?" I ask Jas.

"Nah," he tells me. "I studied the booklet online."

"Who's going to let you practice driving?"

"Their mom says she'll help me."

"That's really nice of her," I tell him with a smile. "How is your mom?"

"She's good," he tells me gently. I smile and nod. Jasper's quiet nature is both concerning and alleviating.

We sit in the tranquility of summer sun and Cullen-voices coating our skin. I grab my phone and snap pictures of the two arguing over who won the game of Horse and me and Jas making silly faces. I laugh until I scream when Jas grabs my sides and tickles my belly. His sunglasses fall from his nose and I notice the size of his pupils. I slow my movements and stare a moment longer before he stills and pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. Probably just from the brightness of the sun I tell myself and brush nerves off my arms.

"We going to the beach tomorrow?" Al asks, dragging me away from studying Jas's condition.

"Huh?" I ask.

"For the end of summer party?" she reminds me. "Edward just said the team's going and Rose wants to also."

I shrug and look at Edward. He smiles slowly and twirls orange on his finger. "Okay," I tell her.

So, now it's the next day and it's hotter than any other day we've been here. The beach at La Push fills with families and teenagers escaping the humidity and burning summer sun. I quickly lay out a blanket, strip off my cover-up dress, and cook myself crispy. Alice splashes around the water and Rose unclasps her bikini top.

"I don't want tan lines," she tells me as I watch her tuck them in her top. Her breasts are all but spilling and I turn around to see who's watching. The basketball team plays on the blacktop. I hear the pound of orange rubber and yells of deep voices. Edward's full teeth smiling and laughing as he fakes out a very irritated Jake. The only one looking is Emmett.

I thought I was going to be sexy in my one-piece, mixed pattern suit. The bottom is pale pink with white flowers and the top is white and sky blue striped that ties across my exposed back. But, comparing myself to Rose? I'm a shadow. Literally, I'm in her shadow. As I move over slightly until I feel the warmth of the sun, I check her out. Her bottoms are high cut and the top just barely covers her. I blush as I push my sunglasses farther up my nose.

I must have dozed because when I come to, Edward sits next to me scrolling through his phone.

"Where's Al?" I ask.

"Smoking with Jas," he tells me, reaching over to put his phone in my bag. He drags his fingers over my bottom and when I hear, "put me down, Emmett!" I turn over and look out to the water. Em has rose over his shoulder and dives into the water. There's a scream, silence, and then screams again. I laugh.

"Wanna go for a dip?" Edward asks.

Before I give him an answer, I'm up and laughing and running away. The cool water washes humidity and sand and sweat from my limbs. Edward is right behind me, pulling me into the water deeper. His fingers snake around my waist and deep dark blue shields his fingers from everyone else. I swim deeper up to my neck and when I dive under, he grabs me and kisses me right one the lips. He tastes like hot salt and summertime and passion. Just for a moment, he picks me up and I wrap my legs around him.

"I love your suit, B," he whispers.

"Thanks," I tell him. My cheeks burn and not from the sun.

"Jake Black has his eye on you. Almost had to fuck him up."

I laugh and pull him down under the water. I kiss him so hard I taste salty-sweet, vigilant love.

The sun melts the sky orange-yellow-pink like a bleeding popsicle. We're sitting around the fire; my dress is covering sun-dipped red skin and my hair waves from saltwater and humidity. I throw it in a bun but take it out when Edward texts me _you have the prettiest fucking hair, B. _

Alice and Jas disappear every so often to smoke or kiss or grope in the dark. I'm jealous. Rose gets up to sit next to Em and I'm alone on a log. Edward went to the bathroom and when he comes back, he sits right next to me.

"You smell like summertime happiness and pink toenails," he whispers next to me.

I smile. "You smell like white teeth and gentle touches."

When we get home, Alice crashes on the couch immediately. She's tired from kissing for hours and too much weed. It's not even eleven and Edward drags me upstairs to his room. He strips me of my cover up and gently lowers my bathing suit. I'm naked in front of him. The lamp from his desk paints me in yellow and he gently kisses burns from the sun on my arms and my back. I don't shy away when he stares at my bare center, and he surprises me as he hands me an oversized shirt.

This boy wants me but wants to take care of me more. I toss it over my head and when he throws me on his bed and whispers "you look so good in my favorite shirt", I squeeze my legs together.

"B," he whispers softly, laying half on me, propped up by his arm that holds his head.

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"Same." I smile and turn on my side to nuzzle him. He pulls me in and the feeling of his fingers dancing over my cotton covered back warms my front and down my legs.

"My mom took me driving last week," he tells my hair.

"How was it?"

"Good. I got this shit." I laugh at his confidence. "Wanna know the first place I'm gonna go when I get my license?"

"Where's that?" I ask sleepily.

"Port Angeles."

"Why there?" I ask.

"They have this little restaurant."

"Oh," I tell him, still kind of confused.

"Will you go with me, Bella?"

I separate from him slightly to look at him. His green-from-the-water eyes bore into mine. "Are you asking me out?"

He laughs softly. "Yeah, I think I am." We're silent for a moment before he asks again, "so, will you, B? Will you go out with me? Will you… be my girl?"

My heart shoots fireworks and the shells set my belly ablaze. I'm light and lingering and feather like on his downy bedspread. My arms tingle and my lips burn. My eyes drip love. I am electrified.

"Your girl?" I ask softly.

"Yeah, Bella. My girlfriend. Be my girlfriend."

My teeth hurt and my cheeks shake and my ears pull hard. "Yes," I tell him.

He wraps his arms around my neck and fastens me against him.

"I know we can't really tell anyone, B, but I've never been more fucking excited in my entire life."

I smile and nod because _same._

In October, leaves begin to fall and as I'm walking into school, crunching all the leaves in my path, Jake stops me.

"Bella," he calls, "wait up."

I slow but don't stop. Jake isn't bad per se, but he annoys me. He's a typical jock who plays the field and I'm not anywhere near it.

"Bella!" he calls again. I hear crunching leaves getting closer and closer and I'm almost at the door before he reaches me. "Hey, I was calling you," he tells me.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't hear," I lie. He opens the door for me, and I enter. Loud voices of our peers fill the halls. "What'd you need?"

"I was wondering what you're doing this weekend?"

"Oh, uh, probably just homework. Going to Alice's."

"Well, would you like to go see a movie or something? I just got my license. I can borrow my dad's truck and—"

"Sorry, Jake, I can't date yet. Not until next year."

He nods. "Maybe we could, I don't know, just go as friends? We don't have to tell anyone it's a date. Only we could know." He wants to be my secret.

I shake my head. Instead of saying _I already have a super secret boyfriend_, I tell him, "sorry, Jake."

He nods slowly. "Alright," he tells me, kicking linoleum. "I'll ask you next year then," he tells me with a wink. He walks away and I roll my eyes.

_You'll never guess who just asked me out _I text Edward in first period.

_Who?_

_Jake Black._

_Want me to fuck him up?_

_No, psycho. But how funny, right? I've said like three words to him since we met, and he suddenly wants to take me out?_

Lunch is kind of exciting these days. Rose and Al decide they want to merge tables so they can sit with their boyfriends. I don't mind because now I get to be closer to _my _boyfriend. I blush and throw him a smile. He almost always "manages" to sit next to me, too. Jas has his arm thrown around Al and Rose and Em communicate through looks which leaves Edward, Sam, Paul and Jake. Jake usually has a girl or two on his arm, but not today. Today he's picking apart a sandwich and unengaged from his friends.

"What's up with you?" Edward asks him. He's sitting back, taking a bite from his apple.

"Nothing man," he says nonchalantly.

"Doesn't seem like it. Jayne bite your dick in the janitor's closet again?" I pretend to be paying attention to Jasper's story, but my ears are only open for Edward.

"Nah, I haven't been with her in forever."

"Jessica reject your dumb ass?"

Jake barks a laugh. "Jess reject anyone? That's funny man."

"Then what? Did little miss Bella finally tell you to fuck off or something?"

He's still taking bites of his apple, and although my back is to him, I can see the way his eyes bore into Jakes. His demeanor is friendly, but his eyes are _don't fuck with my girl_ serious.

Jake pauses before he whispers, "did she tell you?"

"She didn't have to. Everyone sees the way you look at her."

"That obvious?"

"Yeah. Kind of fucking creepy if you ask me. Might want to lay off."

"Noted," Jake says. "Whatever, she's just a girl. Plenty more where she came from."

Edward finishes his apple and puts his arm around my chair. To onlookers, its friendly and boyish and he-probably-just-needs-to-stretch-his-shooting-arm innocent, but to me, it's calculated and purposeful and I-need-to-touch-you-right-fucking-now devised. The tips of his fingers touch my side and I lean into them slightly. His touch says _I love you _and _you're my girl_ and _fuck Jake_.

~!~

In November, Mrs. Cullen invites Jasper's mom over for dinner. When I ask Mrs. Cullen if I should leave, she smiles softly and says, "Why would you?"

"I don't know. It seems like maybe it's just a family thing."

She takes my cheek in her palm. "But you are part of this family, Bella." And my heart flies away.

Alice vibrates as I line her eyes with dark brown and coat long lashes with blackest black. "Should I tell her I just sucked her son's dick this morning?" she asks me menacingly.

"Did you really?" I ask, pulling my personal Revlon Blushing Mauve lipstick away from her tainted lips. She nods excitedly.

"Bella oh my fucking god. Please let me tell you about it."

"No."

"I can't tell Rose! She always one-ups me and it's not fun. If I tell her Jas's dick is huge, she'll tell me Em's is bigger. I literally have no one else." She pouts her bottom lip and crosses her arms.

"Fine," I tell her, putting away my lipstick and sitting back. I let her paint my face next.

"So, I'm laying on his bed and we're just chatting. He's chill, laid back, relaxed, but his foot is bouncing so fast so I'm like dude what's up. He tells me he's just antsy for tonight and I ask what I can do to help him while I rub up his arm." She curls my lashes and her breath tickles my cheeks. My eyes close as she swipes pigment over my lids. "So he does the sexiest thing ever, Bella. He takes my hand and puts it on his dick. So, I'm giving him a handy, it's whatever. They're boring and I'm over it, so I slither down and before he can stop me, I put his dick in my mouth." I feel her tug slightly on my lid with the eyeliner pencil. I have so many questions that I'm afraid to ask. "It was so hot hearing him moan and shit. I watched a bunch of porn, so I kind of knew what to do. I was down there like two minutes and then he didn't even tell me before he came and I had to swallow it. Ew."

"Why ew?" I ask, opening my unattended eye.

"It was disgusting."

"What did it taste like?"

"Like… I don't know… moldy ear wax."

I burst out laughing right in her face and she giggles back. "His dick though? Tastes like hot air and summer sun."

I'm quiet for a minute. "You watch porn?" I ask subtly.

"You don't?" she asks, sitting back, waiting for me to look at her. When I open my eyes, hers are questioning. I shake my head. "Oh, shit, B. I'll show you later. It'll teach you everything you need to know."

We're sitting at the dining room table when Jasper's case worker shows up. I'm actually nervous when I hear his mom's voice and I look at Edward who's looking at me. His small smile calms nervousness and when his mom walks in, she looks happy. Jas stands and hugs her. Alice grabs my hand.

"Mom, you know Edward," he says, introducing us. "This is Alice and Bella. Girls, this is my mom, Michelle."

"So nice to meet you girls. I've heard plenty," she says with a nervous laugh. "And Edward," she says, staring carefully, "thank you." Two words carry more meaning than anything I've ever heard, and he nods slightly. He's a little on edge and I don't think he's quite forgiven her for mistakes from the past either. My girl and my boy are a like in that way, but Jasper either doesn't sense it or doesn't care. He sits down.

Mr. Cullen breaks thick silence. "Dinner's ready. Shall we?"

Dinner conversation consists of high school classes and permits and the new basketball season.

"Can you maybe give me a schedule with your games on it? I liked to see you play. If that's okay of course," Michelle asks nervously.

Alice narrows her eyes. "Are you even _allowed_?" I grab her hand under the table. _Be calm_ it says. _Have patience_. Her grip tightens.

"I-I'm not sure," Michelle stutters, looking to his case worker.

"We can see if we can get those visitations approved by the court, but if Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, and Jasper, are okay with it, I don't see a problem."

"Jasper?" Mr. Cullen asks, allowing him to lead.

"I… I think…" he stumbles.

"It's okay," his mom says gently. "I understand."

"No," he says confidently. "I'd like you to come."

Edward watches Alice who watches Jasper who watches his mom who's smiling.

The night is over sooner than expected. Jasper's mom and case worker leave after dinner. After their parents go to bed, Alice shoots off the couch and grabs my hand. "Edward," she starts, "can we smoke with you?"

"Sure," he says, pushing himself off the couch and Jasper follows.

We're outside and he's lighting up. Jasper gives Alice his joint and lighter and she's becoming quite the expert. She's taken a few pulls before she hands it to Jas. Edward smokes almost all of it before he looks at me. "Want to?" he asks.

"Okay," I say softly.

His smile is devious as he puts the paper to my lips and tells me to inhale as he lights the end on fire. I hold it between my thumb and forefinger and pull. The dryness fills my throat and lungs and when I cough Edward tells me to breathe through it. I look for Alice who has walked slightly away with Jas and they're talking closely together. Edward blocks them from my view and towers over me.

"Do it again," he directs. "This time, pull slower, hold it for a moment, then release it."

I do as he says, and I close my eyes. The smoke dries my eyes. When I exhale, I open and see Edward watching with open lips and hooded lids. "Do it again, B," he whispers thickly. This time when I exhale, I open my eyes and blow it right at him. "Again," he whispers. I smile. He's turning me on and I feel like giggling. I take a bigger, slower pull then before and he rests his hand on the curve of my waist under my breast. "You're so fucking sexy," he tells me, gripping my ribs.

This high sends me soaring and when we're back in the basement, I'm giggling with Alice and dancing around to Juice Wrld. The boys sit and watch. Edward's eyes never leave mine. Alice smoked much more than I did. Anytime I looked at her, she was pulling and pulling and blowing smoke over and over. Her eyes are low and when Jas says, "she's never been this lit," I laugh because neither have I.

"You're so pretty," I tell Alice. I run my fingers through her once rose gold ends and pull gently. "I have boring brown hair and pale skin and short legs and nothing exciting. You've got electrifying hair and perfect skin and these long legs!"

"Oh fuck off, B. You're one to talk. Look at your curvy hips and pretty lips and brightest eyes. Jas, isn't she pretty?" He doesn't answer but he smiles. "Honestly Jasper, if you weren't with me, would you like her?"

Jasper rubs his red eyes with the back of his hand. "Al, she's like my sister. I can't think of her that way. But, yes, Bella is pretty."

"You're so fucking boring," she says. Her so-high-laziness sets in as she pulls me to the ground with her. "What about you, Edward? You know, we tried setting her up with everyone on the basketball team but she hates everyone but you I think. I told her no though because you're my brother and I mean that's gross, right?"

Edward chuckles. "Yeah, I guess I am fucking gross."

"No, I just mean, like, you know what I mean! But Bella is fucking hot as shit, right?"

I turn to look at Edward. "Yeah, Edward, am I hot as shit?"

He smiles. His eyes are so low they're almost closed. "Everyone thinks you're hot as shit, B. That's all the fucking team talks about is my little sister's girl."

Jasper nods and Alice laughs next to me. "See, B, you could have anyone on the team." Her eyes are closed now.

"Anyone?" I ask.

I think she's sleeping until she replies groggily, "anyone."

~!~

The Friday after thanksgiving, I'm on the phone with Edward. It's almost midnight, so I'm whispering.

"What are you doing tomorrow, Pretty girl?" he asks through a yawn.

I shrug and tell him, "nothing exciting."

"Wanna come over? Spend the night? Kiss my lips and let me lick your thighs."

I giggle. "Where at on my thighs?"

"The back where your freckles make a triangle. The part above your knee that I like to bite. The very inside right below where I want to taste," he says, whispering the last part.

"Hm," I tell him, feigning boredom. "I'll think about it."

He laughs softly, seeing right through me. "Will your dad let you stay over, B?" He knows my dad has been keeping me on a shorter leash after my math grade slipped from a 95 to an 89.

"He won't be home," I tell him. "I heard him tell my mom he's covering for a friend who needs the night off. He'll be in Port Angeles all night."

"Good," he whispers.

The next day, Alice calls me in a panic.

"Get over here, B! Hurry!"

I slide my feet in a pair of gold sparkly flats and burst through their front door.

"Where's the fire?" Mr. Cullen asks, ruffling my hair.

"Leftovers are in the fridge," Mrs. Cullen tells me, fastening the back of her earring and dipping French pedicured toes into nude pumps, and then the two of them scurry out the front door.

I take the steps as quickly as I can manage without tripping. Light blue painted toes grip onto plush carpeting as I run up the stairs and past Edward's room. His door is shut and music plays loudly, but this isn't the room I'm looking for… right now anyways.

"Where are your parents going?" I ask Alice as I barge into her room.

"Dinner," she says, turning in her chair by her desk. In front of her sit six small packets of 28 pills. I might not be on them, but I know what they are. Rose showed me her pack last month and explained they're for really bad PMS. I don't want to be the one to tell her that she's just kinda-sorta bitchy always, so I believe her story. But I know it's because she and Em are just tired of stealing condoms from his older brother.

"Are those what I think they are?" I ask, stepping to peer over her shoulder. I pick one packet up and read all the letters. I study 21 yellow circles and 7 white ones.

"Yeah," she says, "and I'm totally freaking out."

"Why? Are you and Jas having sex?"

"No. I'd definitely tell you, B."

"Then what the hell?" I ask, sitting on the edge of her bed, fingering the packet in my hand.

"Remember the last couple of months I've had, like, the absolute worst cramps ever?"

She's right. Alice has missed three days this school year already just because of a painful period. I remember sitting next to her on the couch as she writhed in pain, grabbing her lower belly, soaking my denim with her tears. I rubbed her back and soothed her arms when she wouldn't even let Jasper in the same room as her.

"Yeah."

"Mom took me to her gynecologist and they recommended birth control pills to help lessen the pain. Mom left it up to me, and I said I'd try anything to help with those fucking cramps. And also I think I really wanna have sex with Jas." She sort of strings together the last part, and it takes me more than a moment to pull apart the race of her words.

"Oh my god, really?" I squeal.

She nods. "I mean, maybe not for a few months, but I think so, B."

"Wow," I whisper.

"Wow what?" Edward says, leaning against the door jam, arms crossed over his Led Zeppelin shirt. His hair hides under a baseball hat, but his smile shines like a beacon right at me.

"Wow, fuck off, Edward. No boys allowed!" She points to the sign on her door that says No Boys Allowed in bright pink letters.

"That's not what I heard you saying to Jasper last night," he tells her, standing up straighter.

I laugh so hard it's a throaty chuckle and Edward's smile lifts. Alice shoots me a pointed look but ends up smiling through it. Edward either doesn't notice what we're toying with or doesn't care.

"Mom and dad are gone for the night," he says, plopping himself next to me on Al's bed. "They just called. Mom says dad surprised her with a night away in Sequim. Wanna party?"

"Uh, yeah!" Al says, bouncing in her chair, smiling higher than her boyfriend is upstairs.

"I'll call the team. You order some pizzas," he delegates. "B?" he asks, hopping off the bed and turning to me.

"Hm?"

"Your dad working tonight?"

"Yeah, he's covering for someone in Port Angeles." I look at him like _you already know this _and _why are you asking_ but before I can hiddenly ask him, he smirks.

"Good. I don't want him to see his daughter drunk off one Mike's Hard Lemonade tonight." He winks, and Alice misses it. She's already texting our friends and ordering pizzas. I hope she also misses the blush that slowly spreads from my belly up to my chest, over my neck, ending on my cheeks.

Edward has it all planned out, always. He's got our time planned down to a T. He can keep Alice busy so she's not worried what I'm doing or where I'm at or who I'm with. He's so ready for anything, but not his best friend who decides it's a good idea to invite a very untrustworthy, very flirty Riley Biers.


	14. Chapter 14

**This chapter contains sexually mature content between minors meant for the eyes of those over the age of 18.**

~!~

It's nearing seven, and the first to arrive are Em and Rose. Edward hurries Em inside whose arms are full of beer and hard lemonade. Alice leans against her desk, zipping her boot.

"It's part of the outfit," Alice tells me when I raise a brow. "Besides, I can't wait to watch Jasper unzip them slowly later." She giggles and I shake my head.

Rose is in a short, wine colored dress with black tights and booties. Alice is in skin tight denim and one of Jasper's jerseys tied at her waist. It molds to her body. I'm going through Alice's closet as she straightens her hair behind me. My legs are much shorter than hers, so I keep my tight black denim on but pair it with a long sleeve, shows-my-scar, off the shoulder white, tight, bright crop-top that teases just a hint of secret belly skin.

"What'd Em end up bringing?" Al asks, smearing bright red lipstick on pouty lips.

"A bunch of beer, Smirnoff, some Mike's Hard Lemonade. That's all his brother could get us, or, that's all Em was willing to get. He has to do his brother's chores for two months just for getting us that." She stops and laughs and shrugs. "I told him I'd give him a blowjob if he got some vodka."

"And?" Alice says, turning slowly to face Rose who's smirking.

"Well, you might have to let us borrow your room later," she says with a wink.

Alice yells in excitement and jumps up and down.

Downstairs, music and laughter and boy voices bounce off basement walls and, as I slip my feet back in my flats, Alice puts a lukewarm can in my hand. Mike's Hard Black Cherry Lemonade. I put it to my nose and then to my lips. The sweetness masks the taste of 5% alcohol, and I don't really hate it. Alice holds my free hand and Rose puts her arm around my waist. I feel powerful and lucky and so in love with this moment.

We pose by the front door with our fingers making peace signs and our tongues pointing out while Edward snaps away. His smile lifts up when I laugh at Rose, and his eyes are the brightest blue I've seen in forever.

Alice shoves another can in my hand before I've finished my first, and I feel light and unsteady in a good way. Heat burns my ears and cheeks and fingertips. Alice tells me to take a shot, but I shake my head no, so Rose does it for me.

Some of the basketball boys flit from the kitchen to the basement.

"Aren't you worried they're going to ruin something?" I ask Edward who leans against the island in front of us. He leans on his forearms and he's so close I could reach out and touch the scruff on his cheeks and the softness of his hands.

"Nah," he tells me. "I warned those fuckers that whatever they fuck up they're fixing before they leave tomorrow."

"Everyone's staying over?" I ask, confused.

"The one's who are drinking."

I nod. That's probably smart. I watch the bottle of water he uncaps and slugs. "You're not drinking?" I ask him as Alice slides into Jasper's lap at the dining room table and Rose walks into the basement to find Emmett.

"Not this time," he tells me quietly. "As cute as you look all drunk and pink-cheeked and giggle-happy," he says while tapping my can, "we have plans for later, so don't get too fucked up, B, because they involve us being awake, sober, and naked." Then, he pushes himself off the counter and stands tall, his arms crossed over his chest, smug. He's waiting for my rebuttal.

I'm liquid-courage-brave and haven't-been-touched horny so I tell him, "I shaved this morning."

"Shaved _what_?" he asks, leaning forward.

"You know _what_."

"I want to hear you say it." His smirk dares me.

I hide my smile between my teeth and look down. Liquid courage wars against me. I want to, but I can already feel the heat of cheeks pick up, and it's not just because I'm embarrassed.

"Why is it so hot in here?" I ask, fanning myself.

"It's forty degrees out, B," Edward says louder, turning around to throw cans in the garbage can.

"Not in here!" I say through a giggle.

"Your cheeks are redder than Al's lips," he laughs. The twinkle in his eye catches my attention. I think he likes seeing me like this. I think he's having fun. So, I smile and laugh and watch him watch me watch him.

Riley shows up a few minutes later and sits with Jas and Al at the table. I watch Edward roll his eyes and walk down the stairs to the basement. Al calls me over and when we sit, she's introducing me to Riley. I want to tell her I already know all about him, but I can keep secrets, too.

"Hey, little girl," he tells me from across the table. His eyes watch my neck and hair and the scar on my shoulder. I frown slightly, dirty from his dark eyes on my skin, so I hug my arms around myself and cover whatever I can.

"I'm not little. I'm fifteen," I tell him.

He laughs at me. "Your Alice's girl, right?"

"Yep," I say, popping the _p._

"She's a lucky girl," he tells me with a smile. His teeth are braces-straight and chemical white. His eyes are dark and hooded. His stare is devious and nerve-wracking.

I look to Jas who's looking at Alice. His eyes are hooded and high and Alice kisses him on the nose. I'm an intruder in their love, but I don't care when I say, "Alice, you're crazy drunk," because I don't want them to shut me out and leave me with Riley.

She throws her head back and laughs as she gets up to sit next to me. Her arm slings around my shoulder and she's leaving a big, mushy, red lip print on my cheek.

"You're fucking hot, B," she tells me.

"I was just thinking the same thing," Riley says with a smirk.

"Watch it," Jas warns.

"I mean, like, temperature wise. Your cheeks are burning. Let's go outside."

"We'll come with," Riley says, but Alice has already ushered me out and to the end of the yard. Jas and Riley show up a minute later with a joint between their lips. While Al and Jas share, I look at the dew from the grass coating my flats and pull out my phone.

_Alice forced me outside with Jas and Riley_ I text Edward, hoping he'll come out and save me, but it's been a few minutes and he hasn't come yet.

"Who are you waiting for?" Riley asks, pulling from his joint and staring me dead in the eyes. He's trying to read the words all over my face that read _go away_ and _help me _and _you're weird_.

"No one," I say quietly, kicking my shoe on the grass.

"You keep looking to the door," he says, motioning behind him.

I shrug. "No reason."

"Do I make you nervous?" He walks slightly closer to me and blows smoke above us.

"No," I lie, stepping back. He laughs.

He nods and talks to Jas for a few minutes. I pull out my phone and see no new messages. When I slip it in my back pocket and get ready to head back inside, Riley catches my attention with a smile and a laugh and a "you have a pretty smile, Bella."

"Uh, thanks."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" he asks.

Instead of answering, I ask, "how old are you?" I ask.

"Seventeen. How old are _you_?"

"Fifteen. I already told you."

"That's right," he says through a small pull. The joint between his lips is almost gone. "Wanna try, little girl?" he asks me with a lung full of skunky smoke.

"No," I say, crossing my arms over my chest. He makes me nervous and also mad. His hair is slicked back. His eyes are drooped and his smile hangs at the corner of his lips.

Jas throws his arm around me. "She's a goodie-goodie," he teases.

I punch his arm. "Am not," I argue back.

"I bet you've never even been kissed," Riley says. It's a tease; I can tell by his smirk. Alice laughs. I throw her a look that says _shut it _and she does.

"I bet _you've _never even been kissed," I taunt back.

"Many, many times. Wanna be next?"

Jas shakes his head and warns him with older-brother-eyes.

I ignore his last comment. "Your mom doesn't count," I retort which earns laughter from Al and Jas. I've embarrassed him and the slow nodding of his head and downcast eyes tells me so.

I think I've wounded him and actually feel a little bit bad, but then he says, "want me to take you back there and show you just what those girls taught me?" and I'm disgusted all over again.

I give him a repulsed, squinty eye look and sneer. "No, I'd rather not get herpes."

He smirks again. "I like your spunk."

Riley flicks his roach on the ground. I watch wet blades soak hot paper.

Rose calls Alice inside for another shot and so it's just me and Jas and Riley, and I don't want to leave these two alone together, so I stay.

"You cold, B?" Jas asks like he wants me to go inside and warm up.

"I'm good," I tell him, rubbing my arms.

Jas raises a brow and flicks his roach too. I think we're about to go inside when Riley reaches over and rubs his fingers up and down my arm slowly. I recoil. "I said I'm good," I tell him sternly.

"Are you always such a spitfire?" he asks.

"Lay off, man," Jas says, stepping closer to me.

"Hey, lighten up," Riley explains. He steps closer to me and tries to put his arm around me. "It's not like she's _your _girl."

"She is," Jas tells him seriously.

Riley doesn't laugh or move, and I feel so awkward.

"You know," he says quietly, looking at me through his lashes. "Girls like you—"

But he doesn't get to finish because Edward taps him on the shoulder and slugs him right in the jaw. He punches once, twice more before standing up. Edward says absolutely nothing and the look on his face serious as he stares directly at a confused Riley. He's heaving and vibrating and his eyes are blue-black in the moonlight. He must have snuck up so quietly while Riley was creeping up on me with his arms and his words.

Riley's on the ground and he's laughing. "What's wrong with him?" I ask quietly.

"Nothing," Jas says.

"Get him the fuck out, Jasper," Edward says, grabbing my hand and pulling me to him and away from Riley. He puts his hand on the small of my back and his lips are at my ear. "You okay, baby? I didn't hear my phone." I nod.

"I get it," Riley says. "I get it now."

"You don't get shit." Jas's words are firm and serious and laced with threat and confidence. "You didn't see shit."

Inside, Em and Rose are on the couch talking quietly. She's drunk on vodka and Em's wondering fingers.

Alice talks to a girl sitting next to Jake and asks how her legs are so fucking long. I listen as I pass them because they are really long and I also want to know how but she says nothing, and Alice rolls her eyes and walks away.

"Where's Jas?" she asks as I sit next to her and Edward plays with the speaker.

"Taking out the trash," Edward mumbles and I giggle a little. It's been awhile since I've had a drink and I'm getting a little sleepy. My cheeks are cool, and I can feel my fingers again. My head isn't spinning and Rose's giggles are starting to kind of annoy me. She laughs so loud, throws her head back hard, and scrunches up when Em puts his finger in her belly button. I give them a look, which makes Edward snicker, and leave the room.

It's a little bit later, and now I'm sitting on a stool at the kitchen island as Edward pours me a bowl of cereal with milk. The only ones up are Al and Rose. Jas disappears to his room after he kicks Riley out.

I take spoonfuls of Cap'n'Crunch and offer some to Rose who shakes her head. Her yawn is big and loud and when she says, "I'm going to sleep," I feel relieved because now Alice will surely disappear to the third floor like her boy.

I finish my bowl of cereal as Alice kisses my cheek as she says goodnight. Her boots, still on, click on the hardwood and then fade up the stairs. I walk around the basement to make sure everyone's asleep before meeting Edward in his room.

The second I'm inside, he locks the door and grabs my hips. "You're so fucking pretty, Bella," he tells me, kissing my neck gently. "Remember a few years ago, in the basement, when I told you that your hair smells like strawberries?"

"Mhm," I tell him, rubbing my fingers up his back. "I haven't switched shampoos since then," I admit.

"Remember when you didn't know what jizz was and then you—"

"Looked it up online?" I finish with a giggle. "Yeah, I remember."

He laughs too. "That's one of my favorite memories, B. I think about little Bella googling Jizz and the look on your face when you saw what you saw." I giggle, too. It feels like yesterday but yesterday feels so long ago. "Remember when you dared me to write something dirty on a piece of paper and put it in my crush's locker?"

I nod and smile. "Yeah." That's _my _favorite memory.

"I watched you open your locker that Monday, Bella. I wanted to see your face when you saw the note. I needed to see if you felt the same. I watched your fingers grip the paper and your teeth bite onto this red, little lip and your eyes were god damn glistening, B." He pulls me closer and closes his lips over mine. Edward has gotten so much taller and he has to bend his neck and back to reach me. I stand on my tippiest-toes to reach his and when my calves, cramp, he lays us on our sides on his soft, blanketed mattress.

"I love you," I tell him between the softest little kisses to my lips.

"Same, pretty B," he whispers against my neck and across my jaw and onto my collar bones. His lips leave secret, painted marks that only I can see, and when he's finished painting me with them, he grabs my hand and puts it on his cheek. He leans back and looks at me. He smiles and gleams and loves. His finger pads trail up my arms and over my shoulder and down the side of my body. He inches his fingers up my shirt and when I can't take it anymore, I rip it off.

He smirks gently. "Patience," he tells me.

"I've been patient for _years_, Edward. I'm ready."

"Ready for what, B?"

"For whatever you're willing to give me," I tell him softly, cupping his cheek and looking into his eyes because I mean it.

"What if I want to give you my cock?" he asks, rolling us over so he's laying mostly on top of the side of me. My legs are open, and his left is over mine. Before I can answer, he cups my center over dark denim and pushes up gently. "Right here."

My breath hitches and I lick my lips, and this is the first time he's ever touched me with his fingers right there. I shift my hips and pray he does it again.

"Would you let me?" he asks, rubbing me side to side this time. I groan softly and close my eyes. "Would you let me put it _inside_?"

"Yes," I shiver as he rubs small circles harder and harder. Thick denim absorbs so much feeling and I whimper from frustration.

"Don't say that shit to me, Bella, or I will." His fingers press up.

"Please," I ask lowly.

"Please what?" Fingers push up harder and I circle my hips to feel anything.

"I want to feel you, Edward," I whisper.

"Open your eyes," he instructs, and I comply. "Tell me what you want, Bella."

"Touch me, please."

"I am."

"Take off my pants."

Deviance lights up his face as he pops the button and lowers the zipper of my jeans. He pulls my jeans down and I kick them off. I'm left in black satin as I cross my ankles nervously. He props his head up with his hand and watches me closely.

He cups my breast over my bra and kisses my lips down to my neck over my collar bones and to the cotton-covered-swells of my breast. He nips over and over causing my thighs to rub and squeeze.

When Edward puts his fingers over my center, on satin, I die. I can feel his finger slip between my slit and rub softly where I'm hardest, hottest, horniest. I squeeze the sheets between my fingers and bite my lip.

He licks from my neck to my ear and tells me, "I've waited so fucking long for this, Isabella," as his fingers slide up and under the waistband.

"Me, too," I whisper as I feel his soft fingertip glide along the wetness of my smooth skin.

"I've thought about this very moment, in this very spot, with my dick in my hand, Bella," he whispers around the cartilage of my ear. He kisses right behind my lobe and I shift my hips to help lead him to my spot. He takes his hand from my undies and pulls them down. "Can I see, Bella? Can I look at you?"

The blush ignites at my toes and speeds across every single hair follicle and free piece of my skin on my body. "If you want," I tell him, suddenly so self-conscious and aware that his darkest, bluest, truest eyes are going to see my most private, sensitive, wet center.

He kisses down my neck, scrapes his teeth across my nipple, places butterfly smiles above the skin of my belly, and kisses me right on my bare, exposed, slippery mound. He's inches from where I've throbbed for him, from where I've squeezed myself for him, from where I've wanted him to touch for so, so long. I watch through moonlight and dark-adjusted eyes as he kneels in front of me, taking my feet and placing them so far apart. My knees touch and he leans down to kiss each before he gently opens me wide.

His eyes are on _me_ and I'm burning. Blazing sparks lap at my skin and I want to tell him I'm going to combust from the look in his eyes. They're blue-black and lust hooded, and this boy is so enthralled with me that I whimper. When his eyes snap to mine, like he's forgotten I have them, I reach up and rip his shirt off.

He falls on me and kisses my lips so hard I can feel the bones of his teeth against them. His breath falls on my chin and floats across my cheeks. Edward falls to his side, like before he started, like before he stared, like before he saw me, naked, open, exposed and wet.

His fingers find my center immediately. We both know I'm soaking wet, but the groan that fills his room emits more. His fingers slowly find where I need them most and he rubs small circles with two fingers. I clutch onto his shoulder and the pillow under my head and the air he's giving me and the darkness in the room and the love covering every ounce of my body.

His fingers stay and stroke and circle. When he rubs slower, harder, my breath catches in my throat and I bite my lip so hard my eyes leak. His pants mix with mine and I can't imagine forming words right now, but he can.

"Right here, B?" he asks. "Like this?" He's not taunting or teasing or cocky. He's asking me how I like it, but he already knows. I nod and nod and whimper. His fingers slide and when he bites my breast, I grab his hair and hold him to me.

"Faster," I manage to pant, pulling my bra down so he can taste me here.

Edward grunts and speeds his fingers up, pressing harder, and licking my nipple.

"Let go," he whispers on my nipple. "Come," he tells me.

It takes me another minute or two of his fingers circling and pressing and the feeling of his teeth against me to send me over.

"Edward," I moan, "Edward I'm—"

"Do it, Isabella." He's husky-throaty in my ear and I squeeze my eyes.

"I'm so close," I moan but I'm not there yet. I feel so much. It's too much but not enough. His fingers make my legs shake.

"Come for me, baby," he mewls. "Let me see you fall apart. I want to watch your lips as you moan _my_ name. I want to hear your whimpers. I want to see you come on my bed." And then he does the thing that pushes me off the cliff. His teeth bite into my neck. I feel his whole mouth cover sensitive, over heightened skin and I'm soaring, bungee jumping with no safety net. I'm falling. I'm _coming. _

My back arches and my fingers squeeze and Edward covers my mouth with his and swallows my life. I give it to him willingly. When I come to, my legs twitch and my fingers burn from squeezing cotton, and I have to push his fingers off of me.

"Holy fucking shit," he moans, laying back.

I shift my hips and feel the wetness on me and under me.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I tell him, embarrassed. "I made your blanket all wet."

He laughs and rubs his face. "It was worth it."

I excuse myself and use his bathroom to clean up. I'm weak on wobbly legs and feel post-orgasm light-headed.

When I'm back, Edward peels off the blanket and throws it to the ground.

"I love you," he tells me softly, wrapping his arms around my neck.

I smile. "I love you, Edward."

~!~

I've been dozing on and off, and now red reads 3:56 on his alarm clock. He's awake and brushing the hair out of my face. I'm on his chest and the slow thump of his heart comforts me. I trail my fingers up and down his bare chest. He's smooth and hard and warm. Edward doesn't have six pack abs or guns for days, but he's solid and thick and my fingers on his belly cause goosebumps. Knowing I cause these reactions spurs me on and when I travel a little lower, like to the button of his jeans, he doesn't stop me. So, when I tickle my fingers up and down his chest again and again, I let my palm press firmly against where he needs my touch in his jeans. To the right, hardness lays thickly and when I press again, he sucks in a breath.

"Edward," I start, wanting to ask if it's ok, but he just nods and breathes. One hand is behind his head, lifting up to watch, and the other is rubbing circles on my back. "Can I?" I ask anyways. My voice is soft and scared and anxious.

"Please," he swallows.

I pop the button of his jeans, unzip him, and he slithers out of constricting denim. I'm about to feel _him_. I'm about to feel my boyfriend's number 17-super-secret hardness. I'm about to make him come.

Boldened by his sharp breaths of anticipation, I reach my hand inside his boxers and wrap my hand around him. He's so warm and harder than bone and bigger than I can fit in my hand. I glide my hand up and down and think there's definitely enough to fill both of my hands.

"Fuck," he whispers so harshly, so gruffly, so quietly.

He pulls his boxers down. When he pops out, I get a full look in the darkened room. Big and thick and leaking. So he gets wet, too? Interesting. I let my fingertips touch the wetness seeping from the tip and spread it down.

"Yeah, like that, baby," he tells me, egging me on.

I do it again, and this time I wrap myself around him and go up and down over and over. I think this is what I do. I mean, he's breathing heavily and his head is thrown back.

I stroke more and more before my wrist gets tired. "Show me, Edward."

He says nothing, but he looks me in the eye, covers my hand in his, and squeezes my hand harder over him. "Doesn't it hurt?" I ask him.

He shakes his head and strokes us harder and faster. I notice the way he flicks his wrist at the top and squeezes at the base. I take the hint and hold him harder, faster, and when he lets go to grab onto the sheets, I'm encouraged. I watch his face. His eyes shut tightly and his mouth parts. I've seen him come before, but this is totally, forever new. I'm holding him in my hand and it's _me_ who's going to make him come.

Like he did for me earlier, I start talking. "You look incredible," I moan, flicking my wrist hard at the tip before dragging it down to the bottom. He's soaking wet at the top and I drag it down as much as I can. It's sloppy and wet now, and Edward _really _likes this.

"You have no idea," he pulses in my hand, "how often I've imagined this." I watch his throat swallow dryly and his legs tense.

"Me, too," I admit. I watch his penis as I pump harder and faster and sloppier. I'm amazed. "Are they all this big, Edward?"

"No," he whispers. "Fuck, Bella, keep going. Keep talking. It's hot."

I lick my lips. I'm unsure what to say now. "Yours is big Edward. Your… cock," I whisper the last part and he chuckles darkly.

"Say it again," he tells me.

My teeth catches my the smile on my lips. He makes me confident and my tummy feels warm when I tell him, "your cock is so big, Edward." His smile glows. "Are you going to come?"

He nods slowly. "If you keep this up."

"Good," I tell him, leaning to whisper in his ear. "I want to see it." He groans and his hips lift.

I'm squeezing hard and pumping fast, but still he says "faster Bella, harder. You won't break me, baby, I promise."

I sit up a little, supported by my free hand, to get more leverage and squeeze, grab, and flick my wrist like he showed me.

I tell him what he said to me earlier. "Give it to me, Edward. I want to watch you come. I want to see your face and hear my name and feel you in my hand."

The next thing I know, Edward grabs the sheets and throws his head back, but his eyes are on mine and he vibrates in my hand. He pulses so hard, I have to grip tighter, and he moans longer. I break his gaze as I watch long, thick, hot ropes shoot from the tip and land _everywhere_. On his chest, his legs, up by his neck. He grabs my wrist and continues pumping himself until his legs stop shaking and I can feel steel harndness in my hand turn softer.

"Fuck. Bella. Fuck."

"I thought I made a mess," I giggle. "Yours goes everywhere!"

He chuckles softly, too, and we're smiling.

He kisses me right on the lips and grabs a discarded shirt. After he wipes himself, he tosses it to me so I can wipe my hand. He pulls me down to his sticky-dried chest and loves the top of my head.

"I never thought a fucking handy would ever get me off," he admits.

"Don't you like them?"

"I do now," he laughs. "No one's ever made me come from a hand job, Bella. You're the first." I smile blissfully. "Watching your tits bounce when you were jerking me didn't hurt either," he teases with a wink.

I smile and play-smack his chest before falling asleep back in his arms.

~!~

Gray skies peek through his windows, and now it's seven. I push him awake, kiss his lips, and slide back into my clothes.

Downstairs, I tiptoe around to make sure all is as we left it before he brought me to his room last night. Boys snore downstairs, but no one's louder than Rose. I laugh and leave sleeping bears alone.

I start cleaning up the kitchen and when I go to throw away some cans in the garbage, a figure catches my eye on the porch.

It's Jasper, and he's sitting at the table. I slide open the door slowly, quietly.

"Aren't you cold?" I ask.

He looks at me and his eyes are fucked. He smiles lazily and shrugs.

"Jas," I say slowly, walking to put my hand on his shoulder. I notice his eyes are red rimmed and sad. "What?" Bats crawl around my belly and spread their wings. This is wrong.

He shakes his head, but lays his head on my hip. "You two make it look so fucking easy," he tells me softly. The gruffness of his voice startles me.

"What?"

He shakes his head again and tries to stand, but I'm in front of him and demanding answers and giving him warmth and comfort.

"Jas," I start again but stop when he rakes his fingers through long, needs-washed blonde hair.

"I'm hurting her," he tells me. "She acts so fucking tough, like she can take me on, like she can _help_ me." I nod and when I open my mouth to tell him she can, he says, "but I don't need her help. I don't fucking want it."

He places his hand on mine and holds it tenderly. He looks at me and in the smallest rays of sun casted from dark, full-of-wet skies, I see small pupils and all his secrets.

I put our hands on his shoulder and I look at him. I really, truly look at him. He's beaten down but acceptance paints his face pale. I have no idea what to say or do. I don't know how to make this ok. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

"Does she know?" I ask.

"She thinks she does. She thinks she knows like you think you know, Bella. You guys think you have me all figured out, but you don't."

"Edward told me," I warn. I know more than she does.

He shakes his head. "He didn't tell you everything, B, because I told him not to. I keep his secrets, he keeps mine. It's how it works."

I'm scared and nervous and my belly hurts and my fingers tingle and I want to cry so I do and he let's me. He stands and envelopes me and pulls me in harder than he ever has. This boy, my boy's boy, has demons the size of Forks, and my boy has to carry them like a backpack, weighing him down like cement shoes in the ocean. _This_ boy, the one holding me as I cry on his old, dirty tee shirt, swallows my sadness and crushes we-need-you feelings straight to his chest. This boy is lost and hurt and drowning in an ocean of pills.

_You're not her!_ I want to scream. _You'll never be him. _I want to pound his chest. _Be better than they were. _I want to stomp. _Stop hurting your girl_! I want to bite. _If you hurt my boy… _I want to threaten. _Please don't hurt yourself, Jasper_. I want to crumble.

"I love you," I tell him, and I mean it. He laughs and pushes me away jovially. "I love you," I say it louder.

"Shut up," he tells me, jokingly slapping my arm.

"I do. You're my brother. You're my family. Families love each other, Jasper."

He rolls his eyes. "If you love me, then make me some pancakes."

And so I do. I walk into the kitchen and whip up pancakes because with my eyes and arms and fingers busy, I don't see him press pills to his tongue and swallow. I don't see him slump down lazily. I don't see him zone out. I don't see him forget about us. I don't see him hurt himself.


	15. Chapter 15

Wind whips against the house as I sit at the table and play War with dad.

"Really, Bells?" he asks after my third win in just as many minutes. I smile smugly and shake in my seat. I'm not good at a lot, but card games are my shit.

Seven minutes later, dad puts his last card down, and I hold all fifty-two. I'm getting ready to shuffle and deal again when my phone rings.

"Go ahead," he says, "I'm going to need another one anyways." He gets up and grabs a beer.

"Hello?" I ask already knowing it's my secret, silly, can't-keep-his-fingers-off-me boyfriend.

"Baby B," he sighs slowly into the phone.

"Yes?"

"Parents around?"

"Mhm."

I hear deviance and teasing as he whispers, "what color are your panties, Bella?"

"You know I love _pink_, Alice," I taunt, hoping he reads between the lines.

"Should have known baby B would be wearing innocent little pink girly panties. Come over so I can pull them down and make you _come_."

I swallow hard and try to put playfulness in my voice. "Oh my gosh, you're nuts."

He laughs now. I can picture his white molars and the way his tongue curls in his mouth when humor takes him by surprise. "Really, though, come over. Mom's making dinner."

"Let me ask," I say, covering the phone and walking up to dad. "Can I have dinner at Al's? She wants me to come over for a while."

Dad looks relieved but teases. "You mean I don't get to redeem myself?"

I laugh. "It's ok. I'll save you the embarrassment."

Dad puts a hand on my shoulder and smiles. "Have fun, kiddo. Be careful."

I smile and put the phone back to my ear. "I'll be over in a few. Let me get changed."

"Keep the pink on, Isabella."

In my room, I pull destressed denim over my thighs, dusty rose cable knit over my chest, and riding boots on my feet. It's December-gray and leaveless-trees cold, so I throw on my jacket, too. I yell a goodbye to dad but he's already snoozing on the couch.

The Cullen's door rips open before I'm even on the last step, and Edward takes three big steps right up to me, grabs the back of my neck, and smashes our lips together.

"You taste like Christmas candles and marshmallows, sugar baby," he smiles at me.

"You smell like butterfly wings and excitement."

He pulls me up to him and my toes barely brush against wood as he engulfs lust and rapture and total elation. Our encounter lasts a minute tops and when we go back inside, Mrs. Cullen looks at me tenderly.

"Hi sweetie," she says, placing serving dishes on the table. Her hair is perfectly pressed, and I wish I knew the brand of her perfectly posh pink lipstick.

"Alice isn't here, B," Edward says so nonchalantly that I offer slivers of my eyes.

"Oh, I thought—"

"But since you're here," he says, taking dishes from his mom and placing them on the table, "you may as well stay for dinner. Al and Jas went to the diner. They'll be home later."

"Do you mind?" I ask Mrs. Cullen quietly. She looks at me like I've grown three heads.

"Of course not! Here, let me set you a place at the table."

So, here we are. Me, my boyfriend, and his parents, sitting at their dining room table on a Saturday night. If I didn't know any better, I'd think Edward set this whole thing up, and it's not until Jasper texts me _having fun on your date, B? _that I know he did. I smile sky high and Christmas-lights bright. I love this magical boy.

He sits across from me eating mashed potatoes and chicken and green beans like this is normal. He catches my eye and smiles over bread.

"How's school, Bella?" Mr. Cullen asks.

I shrug. "It's ok. Math has me so confused. Don't tell my parents, but I have a seventy-four percent and the end of the marking period is in January. If I don't get my grade up, I'm going to be grounded _forever_." I really am worried. I don't know how or why my grade slipped so much, but it did and I'm freaking.

"What math class is it?" Edward asks. He's concerned because not even he knows this secret.

"Pre-alg with Mr. Weller."

Edward looks at me confused. "That class is so easy, Bella. I got a 103 percent, and I didn't even study. Like, at all."

I squint. "You're smart. I'm not."

"Bull," he says. His stuffs his fork in mashed potatoes and chugs water.

"Why don't you help her, Edward," Mrs. Cullen suggests.

"No, no," I fight, "that's ok. I'll just… google it or something."

"Nonsense," Mr. Cullen says. "You're here all the time, Bella. Let him help you if you really need it, honey." He carefully cuts chicken and before he puts it between his lips. He swallows and tells me, "colleges are going to be looking at your entire high school career." I swallow hard. Shoot, he's right.

I concede. "If you don't mind, Edward, I'd actually really appreciate it."

Mrs. Cullen smiles and her husband looks at his son.

"Sure," he says with a shrug. He's so good at playing coy.

"I can pay you. You know, for your time."

He laughs and shakes his head. "I don't want your _money_, B." I hear the innuendo and blush.

"Come over Monday after school. I don't have practice until five."

"Okay."

And that's that.

The rest of dinner consists of Edward's parents talking about the new basketball season and cases at the hospital and Mrs. Cullen laughing so hard she spits white wine back into her glass when Edward grabs his hair and says "at least you don't have to deal with this!" after his mom complains about needing to get her hair done.

"See! Even you're laughing, mom. That's it! I'm cutting it tonight."

I actually laugh at his silly-rage and he stares pointedly.

"And you're gonna cut it, Bella."

"No way," I protest. I can't even cut a straight line on a piece of paper. I'm _not _messing up Edward Cullen's famous locks."

He scoffs. "Famous locks," he mocks and rolls his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure some girls from school made an Instagram page called Cullen's Coif."

"Shut the fuck up," he says, surprised.

"Language," his dad says through a smile.

Ridiculousness plays at my lips and when I burst out laughing, Edward laughs too. I'm so focused on the way his eyes burn green-blue into my heart and how his lips paint his face with amusement that I miss the look of kinda-sorta knowing flash across his parents' faces.

I'm so wrapped in affection and exhilaration that I don't even realize that maybe the secret shroud we've worked so hard to keep up slowly drops with every laugh and breath and look we give each other.

After dinner is over, I help Mr. and Mrs. Cullen clear the table. Edward loads the dishwasher, and this feels easy. After I put away the remaining chicken, Edward disappears upstairs with a quick, "I'll be right back."

It's ten minutes before he comes back down and I'm talking to his mom.

"It's called I Like To Mauve It, and I'm pretty sure it's by Lancôme," Mrs. Cullen says with a smile.

"It's, like, the most perfect shade, Mrs. Cullen, and it lasted all dinner."

The blush on her cheeks isn't from her blush. She smiles and puts her hand on my arm. "You're so sweet, Bella." And I've never heard anything more genuine from her.

Our talk is cut short when Edward places clippers on the table. "Let's go."

Now we're in the downstairs bathroom, Edward's sitting on a stool, and Mrs. Cullen puts a towel around her son's shoulders. I'm holding clippers with a number 5 attachment and he says, "fuck me up, B."

Mrs. Cullen holds her breath and I scream as I pass the trimmers up from the base of his neck to his ear. Hair falls on creamy-white terrycloth and my eyes meet his in the mirror. Emboldened by shining green reflecting in mine, I make another pass and another and now all that's left is a mop on top.

Twenty minutes later and it's done. Mrs. Cullen had to finish up because I really have no idea what I'm doing, but she made him look so much better than I ever could.

"Your hair," I whisper, touching inches of locks that have scattered around us. "Wonder how much I could sell this for at school?" I joke.

"Very funny," he says dryly.

Mrs. Cullen leaves to get the broom and his fingers grab mine quickly. "Well?" he asks self-consciously.

"Your hair is copper fire," I tell him.

When his mom comes back, she laughs. "Jesus," I hear her say. "You're suddenly twenty years old, but you're still so cute."

"Thanks, mom," he smiles, adoring the affection. This momma's boy warms my heart with the look he shares with her. The swinging of the front door and quiet voices interrupts my musings.

"What. The. Fuck." Alice deadpans as she walks past the bathroom.

"Wow," Jas adds.

Then we're laughing and inhaling and ecstatic.

In the basement, Edward can't stop feeling weightlessness on his head. It's _just_ long enough for his fingers to run through it, but barely.

"My head's going to be so cold later," he jokes.

I giggle and roll my eyes. Alice lays softer than silk on the floor. She's quiet watching Elf and doesn't even laugh at "SANTAAAAA! I know him!" like the rest of us.

When the boys go outside, she sticks around the basement.

"What's up?" I ask her.

Her sigh tells me she knows I know that she knows.

"I just fucking hate it, B."

I nod and lay next to her. We're on our backs, on the floor, eyes staring through the ceiling where glinting and glimmering stars would be overhead. My hand finds hers.

"What did you tell him?"

"That he's fucking dumb."

I snort. "What else?"

"That I fucking love him."

"And?"

"To please fucking stop." Injury laces three words. Her voice breaks at the end, and my thighs pull at the arteries of my heart. "And then he said no."

Arteries burst, and I feel the blood explode through my veins and seep under my skin. Devastation follows suit, but I nod because I already knew this. I'm sorry for my girl. I'm sorry her heart shatters. I'm sorry he chooses drugs over this girl who pours her heart and blood and marrow all over her skin and lets him use her in between little baggies and bottles of pills.

I'm sorry for my boy, my brother, Jasper, too. I'm sorry he can't be strong enough. I'm sorry his broken home has broken him. I'm sorry he can't love Alice like he claims. I'm sorry he lies to her through kisses and dark-as-pupils secrets and night times of closeness. I'm sorry this almost seventeen-year-old boy thinks he has no one.

"Now what?" I ask so softly I barely hear it.

Fingers crush my own, but I don't dare move. I absorb. I soak her pain into me. I bleed for her. I bleed because of him. I drain myself into the fibers of the carpet and when I roll over to crush my girl against me in the softest, most delicate way, she's meeting me halfway. Her tears dampen my neck and mine mix with hers. We're too young for this pain and damage and have no idea where to turn. Silence screams all the words she wants to say but can't: "I think it's over."

For a moment, I wonder how my boy's doing outside, carrying the weight of secrecy on his back.

~!~

It's just before Christmas break and I'm at Alice's dining room table with her brother who's trying to explain division with fractions and letters and how can I concentrate when his arm and knee rests against mine while his fingers reach across to turn the page.

"You pull this one down and put it on the bottom, Bella, do you see?" he asks, circling something but I'm only concentrating on the smell of crispy apple breath sitting next to me. His short hair twinkles dark copper under yellow lights. My smile crinkles my eyes and my fingers tingle to touch the littlest mole behind his ear where his hair used to cover. He glances to me and blue-today eyes pull me back.

I breathe deep. "Hmm," I mutter because no I don't get it.

His smile is caught-you-peeking happy. Edward senses my confusion over the problem and starts all over easily.

Later as he closes my workbook, packing us up so he can be on time for practice, I hear Alice's door slam and my heart tugs. Edward sighs and leans back. Edward looks right at me and leans over to brush his lips on mine before his mom comes downstairs. He pulls back and trails a finger down to my neck.

"You should probably go up there, Bella," he whispers because he knows, grabbing locks of hair that aren't there anymore.

His pout pulls at his lips and it's baby-sister's-heart-is-broken sad. I push my chair back and run up the stairs.

Over an hour later, Alice falls asleep in my arms. It's way past dinner, and I'm sure mom has called. I disengage and kiss her cheek. She's puffed and red and swollen-somber.

As I exit her room and pull wood shut tight, he walks down the stairs. My girl is my first friend, but he's my brother, so I hug him and hold him and let him cry on my shoulder that's still wet from Alice's tears because he's hurting, too, but in a much different, deeper, daunting way. Jasper lost the light in his life and pills pull him so far under he's drifting in darkness.

When he pulls back, Jas tries to make a joke, but nothing comes out. I let him hold my hand and walk me to the door. Jas's eyes leak self-inflicted harm. I don't want to, but I grip three times before our fingers float apart.

Later that night, I text him _you didn't lose me _but he never replies.

~!~

The day after Christmas, Edward kisses me in his room. It's harder to get away now that Alice isn't preoccupied with Jas. For the first few days, she held onto my arms and legs and heart so tightly I couldn't even pull away to pee. But this night, Alice doesn't even know I'm here. I snuck out of my house and into hers so silently.

We agree to get nothing too serious for each other because neither of us could top last year's gifts, so we get some silly little things like a new ball and a pair of gold-toe socks, his favorite. He laughs and nods then kisses me gently. "You know me, pretty B."

Edward gets me a warm scarf and new sunglasses because he broke my last pair. He also gets me my favorite lipstick and I smile, kissing him right on the lips after I brush it on.

"One more," he says, "but this is, well… just open it."

I wrinkle my brows and pull out a box containing something small and pink. I read the box. Love Bullet. And then I read further down. Love Bullet… Powerful vibration, discrete pleasure.

"Is this?"

"It is."

His teeth bite and imprint on his lip. I can't believe it.

"It's the quietest one I could find, or that's what the reviews said anyways." He pauses to look at me. "because you said you don't, you know, at home. Maybe this will help. Make it less… awkward? Shit, Bella, I don't know. I'm sorry. This is dumb." He tries to take it from my hands, but I grip it firmly.

"I'll use it," I tell him.

"Yeah?" he asks slowly.

"Yeah."

And so, on December 28th, while my parents are grocery shopping, Edward calls me and whispers and moans and tells me he's thinking about the way my hand looks wrapped his cock and how I stretch my neck and moan when he touches me.

"You should see yourself when I put my hands on you. Your teeth tear at your lip and your nipples get so fucking hard." He's moaning and I hear slight smacking as his hand grips himself from tip to base. "Is this ok?" he asks lowly.

"Mhm," I whisper, rubbing my fingers over my chest, pulling at my breasts. It doesn't feel at all like when he does it, but when my eyes close and he whimpers in my ear, it almost does the trick.

He asks me to get _it_ out if I feel comfortable. I do, so I pull it out of the drawer it's hiding in. He instructs me to take off my undies. He wants me to use it over my nipples and down my belly "and then slide it slowly onto your clit, Bella." I do and when I ghost it down to my wettest area, I can't stop the moan that pulls from my throat. My nipples pull and pinch and my clit pulses.

"Fuck," he says harshly.

We spend time listening to each other moan and mewl and gasp on the phone. He tells me how sexy I sound and that he loves his name on my tongue. He tells me how sexy it is that I'm touching myself for him. Whimpers slip between my lips.

And then he says, "let me hear you come."

I'm moaning louder than I ever have, louder than I ever _could_. I'm alone and I'm taking advantage of it. The phone presses between my shoulder and ear. One hand holds the vibrator relentlessly against my clit and my other hand grabs my breast and pinches my hard, hungry nipple.

"Oh, fuck, I'm coming, Edward!" I can't breathe or talk or think right now. My legs shake and convulse and the pulsing between my legs hurts so good. When I regain awareness, Edward moans obscenities into the phone and I hear him groan my name softly as he breathes and gasps heavily into the phone.

"Holy fucking shit." He sounds like he just ran the mile at school. "Bella, that was so hot. Hearing you say 'fuck' and… I've never heard… you never…" he pauses to clear compose himself. "I gotta get you alone more often."

I giggle. "Why?"

I can hear the smile in his voice as he teases, "baby B's a screamer."

~!~

On New Year's Eve, mom's happy when Alice wants to spend it over at my house. I'm a little disappointed, but I swallow sadness over not seeing my boy so she can be happy about not seeing hers.

Edward texts me that Jasper's been gone all day and he's going to tell his mom.

_Why?_

_He needs help._

_What will your mom do?_

_No idea._

I'm kind of nervous that if Edward spoils Jasper's dangerous secret, Jasper will spoil our devastating secret, but I let Edward make the call.

An hour later, Edward says _he's home_ and that's it.

Alice sips diet Pepsi and eats pizza in front of the TV while my mom sketches on the couch. Al laughs and my heart flutters at the sound. I missed her confidence and happiness and the way her hair shines from cleanliness. Today, she let me curl her hair and dress her up in my clothes. Today, she let me tint her lips I Like To Mauve It, the lipstick her mom got me for Christmas. Today, she tells me, "I'm over it. He's dumb."

I don't believe a single word she says, but I nod and smile and tell her, "good."

"Besides, Jake's pretty hot, right?" She doesn't even sound like she believes it.

I give her crazy-dumb eyes and she laughs harder than I've heard all month.

Mom and dad kiss when the ball drops.

Alice holds my hand and presses my cheek with faint lipstick.

Edward texts me _Happy New Year to my favorite, prettiest, loveliest little baby B._

~!~

In January, Em and Rose break-up, again, and the three of us decide to hole up in the Cullen's basement one weekend towards the end of the month. It's the longest break they've ever been on.

"Hurry the fuck up!" Al yells up the stairs. "The dumb boys are going to beat us down there!"

"Just lay on the couch, Alice. I have to pee!" I yell back, shutting the bathroom door.

She says she hasn't spoken any unnecessary words to her _ex_ since the breakup, and she doesn't want to start today. I shake my head. How can she not talk to him when she lives with him? Jasper hasn't spoken to _me _either, and I'm kind of sad, but I think he just needs time. Or maybe I lost him in the breakup_. _

When I'm done, I open the door and find Edward staring at me. He leans against the door frame and before I can whisper love, his hand slides behind my neck, his lips touch mine, and he pushes me back in the bathroom. I hear the lock click, and he picks me up and sets me on the counter. This isn't the first time he's done this, and boy do I love it.

It's been so hard finding alone time with my boy now. Alice wants to sleep in her room. Alice wants to stay at my house. Alice wants to be the big spoon and when I roll over to escape, she clings heavier and harder. _Can't get away_ I usually text Edward. One night I heard him groan in irritation through the walls.

Now, though, Edward is here and hard and kissing me so hard my lips tighten and press and push on his.

"I'm gonna make you come, Bella, but you have to be quick, okay?"

I nod so hard and fast. His fingers pull down sleep pants and cotton undies swiftly. He lifts my feet and sets them flat and far apart on the counter. I'm open and spread and this is the brightest it's ever been. His eyes land on my center and he licks his lips. He can see all of me under bright-bathroom lights instead of moonlight.

"You're so pretty," he whispers, kneeling to look closer.

He takes his hand and runs four fingers up and down my slit to spread me. Hard fingers make my head fall heavily backwards. He's not taking his time. He's rough and fast and I'm so close already. His mouth breathes against me, and the warmth from his lips against my wetness feels incredible. When he stands, he moves his wrist so his fingers are pointing down, and I feel his fingertips at my entrance. He's never put them inside me, and I really, _really_ want him there. I press my hips up to invite him.

He says nothing but I feel one finger slowly circle and enter. He doesn't stop. His whole finger is in me up to the knuckle. My eyes widen and my head hits the mirror behind me. I'm laying on the counter, chest heaving, as he pulls out and inserts two.

"So fucking tight," he says more to himself.

He pumps once, twice, three times before my back arches and I feel the thumb of his free hand rub against my clit.

His fingers move in and out. He's trying to open me slowly, but I need more. My hips circle and shake and I moan so softly. I feel fingers stretch and pull and make room inside. The burn makes me throb, and I'm whimpering as quietly as I can, but he makes it hard when he stares into me like he's gorging himself on me.

"Faster," I ask, opening my eyes. He's watching his fingers pump in and out as they stretch me. When I ask this, his eyes snap to mine, and his smirk tells me I've really asked for it now. It excites me. The thumb on my clit presses small, hard circles but his fingers give me power and quickness and hard thrusts so much that my breasts bounce on my chest and my head hits the mirror so pleasurably that it throws me over and I'm coming so hard right on the counter. My back arches and I cover my mouth with my hand and swallow as many moans as I can, but some squeak out and Edward smiles.

"You like it like this, Isabella? Hard? Fast?" I'm still coming on his fingers and he doesn't relent. I try to squeeze my knees shut, but Edward forcefully opens me wide. His fingers fuck me through it. I feel myself pulse over the stretch. His thumb stops and now it's just his fingers inside me. "Baby B likes it rough, huh?" he asks mercilessly, leaning down to kiss me. "I'm so fucking glad, Bella, because so do I."

After he's pushed me through my orgasm, and just before he starts me on my second, Edward pulls his fingers from me and I'm empty. Wetness coats his fingers and he looks at them hungrily before wiping them on his jeans. I don't know why he didn't just wash his fingers in the sink, but whatever.

He grabs a towel, wipes me down, pulls my shorts up, and sends me downstairs with wobbly legs and dizziness.

"The fuck took so long?" Al asks.

I make up a story as quickly as I can, post-penetrative-orgasm. "Couldn't find my phone," I say, plopping down the couch.

Twenty minutes later and I realize he stole my undies. I smile and text him, _you dirty, panty stealer._

_Come and get them_, he teases, and then I hear four feet run down the stairs and open the back door. They must be smoking, so I don't text back. After a few minutes, I hear laughter from upstairs and my phone vibrates. _Jas says I smell like pussy._

You can roast marshmallows on my cheeks. I'm so embarrassed that tears prick my eyes. I'm embarrassed-mad, but then he says _you smell so fucking good_ and I'm not that mad anymore.

"Fucking boys," Al sighs, pulling me back into their bubble. She's been good lately, but today she is not. Her phone lights up every few minutes with messages from other boys who try to occupy the place in her heart that she tore Jasper from.

"I know," Rose agrees. "Emmett can be such a prick. Doesn't he understand that texting other girls is cheating? Like, why do you need to know what answer Bree got for math homework? Why can't he just text Jake?"

"Probably because Jake's failing," I offer with a laugh. It's heavy in here and I'm floating above my friends.

Rose's look weighs me down. Her eyes are crystal-clear-sad and bruised. "But why her?"

"Did something happen before to make you not trust him with her?"

Rose shrugs and plays with the edge of her clothes. "Last year I caught him talking to her at a party when he broke up for like twelve hours. She saw me and smiled before kissing him. Instead of stopping her, he grabbed her head and kissed her back. I just hate that fucking bitch. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if he was with her right now. She's like his rebound when we aren't together." Rose pulls her legs to her chest and rests high cheek bones on her knee.

"Fucking boys," Al says again, dripping with scorn and irritation. "Bree's a whore from what I hear."

"She totally is," Rose continues through glassy eyes. "Last month Em said she was trying to fuck everyone on the basketball team. Like it was some game or accomplishment. When she finished with Jake, she moved onto your brother, Alice." My heart quickens and my knuckles hurt. "Em said Edward told her to go away but not before she kissed him and grabbed his dick over his shorts after practice one night."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Al asks. "She basically raped him."

Rose motions that she's unsure. "From what Em says, Edward didn't really push her away and then they laughed about it in the locker room."

Alice scoffs an "_ew_" before shaking her head. My heart stomps and bat wings punch from inside. Throw up tickles the sides of my throat and cement coats my bones.

"Fucking boys," I scowl.

They think I'm being a good friend, but I'm actually a hurt girlfriend.

Alice nods and asks Rose, "do you know if she fucked Jasper yet?" as I text Edward _Bree kissed you? _he responds with _yeah, I took care of it. No biggie_ to which I say _don't you think you should have been the one to tell me and not my friends? _

I miss what Rose tells Alice, but she isn't hysterical, so it must have been a favorable response. I'm irritated and hurt, and I'm not even sure if it's rightly so. I put my phone on silent and deep into the couch cushion. Rose and Al want to smoke, but she won't with Jas up there so we're sitting on the couch, in the dark, listening to Lana Del Rey and holding limbs and fingers and hearts, strung together by hurt and sadness and friendship.

Rose interrupts the silence. "Do you think you'll get back with him?"

Al sighs. "I want to, but not when he's fucking higher than an airplane. It was horrible, guys. We would be in the middle of something, like eating lunch or playing ball and he'd just leave me to go meet Riley. We'd be laughing and flirting one minute, then he'd get a text and be gone the next. Jas would say 'I'll be right back, Al,' and disappear for hours. I'm just supposed to take that? No fucking way."

I pull my phone out. Nothing. I shove it back in.

I nod because she's right, and I actually didn't know he did that. She's kept me in the dark about how bad their relationship got or how much he really hurt her. "You deserve someone who puts you first, Alice."

"Emmett was like that, too. He didn't appreciate me. Do you know how many times I'd go over to his house because he fucking asked me to. I'd tell him I was hanging with my mom and he'd say he missed me, wanted to see me, or whatever just to get me over there. Then I'd get there just to watch him and his brother play Call of Duty. He'd be mad at me for being mad at him and I'm just tired of being manipulated!"

"Yes!" Al screeches. "That's exactly it! We're being _manipulated _into thinking we're the crazy ones."

I'm silent as they both sit up. Al reaches over to turn a lamp on as Lana sings _happiness is a butterfly_ and Rose and Alice agree upon the fact that sixteen-year-old boys are nothing but trouble and wounds and manipulation wherever they go.

I'm sorry they're hurting, really I am, but I want to tell them not every boy is that. Not every boy causes troubled hearts and wounded souls and manipulates your thoughts. Some boys, like mine, cause silly smiles and tingles all over and steal undies to keep in his drawer. To prove my point, I look at my phone for the third time and hope for happiness.

He writes _I took care of it. _I squint my eyes and remember what Rose said before angrily typing back. _Before or after joking about it in the locker room with your boys? _

The door upstairs opens and boys shiver and laugh and move slower than before. Disappointment isn't something he causes a lot, but this is hurting and yearning and upsetting.

"Basement?" Edward asks quietly. Jas says nothing and we all wait. Rose and Al still talk and I still listen, but I see Alice's head turn slightly toward the stairs in excited-for-her-old-boy's maybe appearance and when it's just Edward, her shoulders so visibly slump. She doesn't hide the disappointment.

It's a little awkward with Edward down here. He flips on the overhead light and my eyes squint to adjust. I want to tell him to text me back, answer me, explain to me!

"Have you seen my hat, Al?" he says instead, avoiding my eyes for now.

I watched him put that hat away earlier. It's in the coat closet. He knows where it is; this is an excuse.

"No," she tells him quietly. Rose smiles gently at our friend. I reach my fingers over to the remote of the speaker to turn it down.

"You guys listen to some depressing shit," Edward laughs, leaning on the back of the couch. He ruffles Alice's hair. He hates seeing sadness tint her face, but he likes that she's strong enough to tell Jasper to fuck off.

"She deserves better than some kid who's getting caught up," Edward tells me one night a few weeks ago. "I don't want my sister ending up like him or worse…"

"What's worse?" I ask, watching the way his hands scrub his face.

"Knocked up and trapped."

"Matches the mood down here, dumbie," Al responds, leaning back to look at her brother.

"You broke up with Jas," he says pointing to Al. "Em broke up with you," he says pointing to Rose. "What's your excuse, B?" he asks tilting his head to the side and arching a brow. Edward's mood is weed-light and Friday-night-relaxed. Our kinda-sorta argument means something to only me.

I lift my eyes to his. He's playing, but I'm not. He let a girl kiss him, joked about it with his friends, and never even told me. What would his response be if that happened with me? Anger splashes blood around my veins. I feel dignified in being upset.

I shrug. "I saw this guy I like kissing some other girl last week at school."

He purses his lips. "Who was it?"

"Bree," I answer.

"Wow, she gets around," Al says. "Cunt." I giggle slightly.

"No, who's your crush, sugar baby?" he asks softly, knowingly.

My cheeks blossom red and his eyes heat my chest, but I'm not backing down. "Some guy on the basketball team."

He tries to hide a coy smile but fails. He nods slowly. "So, I know him?"

I nod. "Yeah, you do."

"Who is it?" Al asks. Rose studies me.

"Just some idiot," I say.

"Obviously if he's on the basketball team." Alice rolls her eyes, obviously over it.

"Is it… Paul?" Edward asks, already bored.

"Nope."

"Sam?" Now he's just throwing names around.

"Nah."

"James?" he asks, more curious this time but still uninterested.

"That's funny." I force a laugh. He knows the guy creeps me out.

"Jake?" he asks, brow arched, eyes blazing.

I smile inside. _Bingo._ "Maybe," I say with a shrug.

He laughs angerly. "If he's the one, baby B, tell him to wrap it up. Bree's dirty."

"I guess you'd know, right?" I fight back.

"Maybe." He uses my words against. My heart pulses out of my chest and explodes. I feel the drip of sadness sulk down the walls of my insides. This is going way too far. Did I blow it out of proportion? I feel weirdly sick and sad and stupid. I look at him again with crushed eyes. His are the same. We both hurt each other.

"Ew, Edward. Fuck off. Don't bring your herpes down here." Alice's words are genuine.

Edward barks one hard laugh and crosses his arms. He's staring me dead in the heart. "Is Jake Black really your crush, Bella?" I look away. "Or is it someone else?"

I shrug.

"Is it me, Bella? Am I your little basketball-sugar-coated boy crush?"

I can feel the butterflies in my belly fly up my rib cage, past my heart, into my throat. He's smiling. Rose watches us like a movie. Alice ignores. She's used to this, so his comments don't even phase her. Besides, she's busy typing out a message to Jake or Sam or some other guy to help with her heartache.

"You wish," I manage to croak out. He smirks at the distress written on my heated cheeks and enraged eyes and shaking fingers. He got me. He won. Rose still stares.

Edward, smug and happy, turns to leave. Alice reaches out to stop him.

"Wait, are you for real about Jake? You think he's dirty?" she asks honestly.

He rolls his eyes. "None of you are fucking around with Jake Black." His eyes start on Al, dart to Rose, and end on me. "I won't allow it."

She drops her hand and groans, rolling back onto the couch and saying, "turn it up, B!"

I turn it up so loud I don't hear Edward walk out the front door.

It's nearing one in the morning. Alice snores next to us on the couch. She's cuddled against the side with blankets and pillows walled around her. She's safe and unharmed for another night.

Rose and I light up the dark room with blue lit phone screens. She sighs as her finger flicks up and down.

"He just posted a picture with Jake, Edward, and Jasper. Look," Rose says, flipping her screen to show me. Em, Jas, and Edward fit tightly on a small, dirty, brown couch with Jake laying across their laps. Each face lights up with white, bright smiles and large basketball boy hands. Hours ago, Edward had those very fingers inside me, and now they're grabbing Jake's leg. He's still wearing the very same jeans he wiped _me_ onto.

"Hm," I manage after studying the picture like I was taking a test on it.

Rose still glances at me.

"They're so fucking happy and here we are sulking," she moans.

"Maybe you should do something to make _him_ jealous," I offer.

"Like what?"

"I don't know," I tell her honestly. I was just talking as a response.

"My mom's staying at her boyfriend's tomorrow night. Maybe we could have a little party." I nod in agreeance. "We can invite everyone, but not them. Not Em or Jas," Rose says slowly. She looks right at me now. "Or Edward."

Instinctually, I brush off her comment. "Yeah I guess if you're not inviting Jas you can't invite Edward."

Rose cocks her head to the side. Her smirk isn't warning or threatening or deceitful. "Come on, Bella."

I'm still running on instinct. I'm so used to lying about us that I don't even need to try to pretend with Rose. It's natural to deny anything with Edward. "What?" I ask, still slowly scrolling through my phone.

She leans over to see that Al's still sleeping even through audible snores. She's looking back at me now. Her eyes are honest and sincere and hurt that I never told her. "How long has it been going on?"

"How long has _what _been going in?"

She reaches over to touch my arm and I'm on fire with heavy tears and a guarded heart. My friend tears down this wall we've spent years building, and I wasn't prepared. My heart thunders and my belly is lightening. Terrifying relief shakes me.

"You and Edward." Her voice is fresh honey soft.

I look at her now. I can deny, deny, deny, or I can confide. She watches my chest rise and fall with heavy, heaving breaths. She already knows. She already saw. She already feels, and I'm so sick of carrying this perfect little secret all the time, so I wrinkle and release years of weight to my friend.

"Since I was thirteen. Since they moved here."

And then the wall crumbles and falls faster, and Rose moves closer than ever. She's closer than Alice has ever been, and I feel sick. Alice is my girl, my best friend, my light. Jasper betrays Alice with drugs. Edward betrays Alice with Jasper. I betray Alice with everything. How can I be her best girl when so much of my life is kept from her?

Rose shocks me by reaching over and putting her hand on my thigh. Her smile is safe and sure and sweet. "I won't tell her," she whispers. I smell honesty and hope on her breath. "I won't tell anyone, Bella."

Tears roll down. I'm so relieved. Anxiety sweeps in with her knowing, but I'm excited about maybe being able to tell her everything. How it started. How it happened. What we do. How we do it. Where we do it. I can be a normal fifteen-year-old girl, talking to a friend about a boyfriend.

I turn to her and smile. "Promise you won't say anything?"

She offers the pinky of her right hand to me. I place mine in hers and we lock together. "Pinky promise."

And so I tell her everything. I tell her about Truth or Dare and number 17. I tell her about secret text messages and notes in my locker. I tell her about Christmas necklaces and his special lighter with a _b_ on the bottom. I tell her about sneaking off at the beach and the fireworks he gives me. I tell her about earlier when he fingered me and kept my undies. She laughs and listens and liberates me. I've never experienced this, and the normalcy relieves worried cramps inside.

Then, I tell her about how I felt when she told me Bree kissed Edward and what I texted him.

"That's all he said? Wow."

"Am I in the wrong, Rose? Tell me the truth."

She tightens her lips. "I don't know, Bella. I mean, Em could have been exaggerating, you know him, but Bree's a fucking whore, so I kind of believe it. Edward should have told you about it, but maybe he didn't want to upset you or something? I don't know. Boys are fucking weird. I'd be so pissed if it were me, but I'm nuts," she laughs gently.

"I'm not even mad that happened with her. I guess I'm just more upset that he didn't even tell me."

Rose nods in understanding. She's quiet for a few minutes before turning back to me with a smirk. "So, that party?"

I laugh now and it feels good against my sore, pained chest. "Sure," I tell her.

"We'll dress so fucking hot, invite everyone, take so many pictures and post them all over."

I nod. "Okay."

It's four in the morning now and my phone lights up over and over and over.

_Where you at?_

_Bella, baby, pretty lip girl_

_Answer me, B_

_R u reall stil mad?_

_I only wnt you. How the fuck dnt you know tha yet?_

The time stamps tell me the last message was sent an hour ago. The newest message, the one that wakes me, is from Jasper. He's broken the silence between us.

_Our boy is drunk, B. _

I roll my eyes. I've never seen Edward drunk. There's nothing I can really say back, so I roll over and put the face of my phone down. A few minutes later, my phone lights up the cushion beneath me.

_I had to push him out of the house. What happened between you guys? He threw a punch at Jake because he said you have nice tits. _

I shake my head, annoyed. _If you were still talking to me, maybe you'd know. Ask him._

_It's been hard seeing you with her. I miss you. I miss her. Sorry. _Jas apologizes like I want Edward to. My heart shakes in its cage. I still don't respond before he sends, _he just said you like Jake. _

Anxiety gnaws at me, so I text him _I could never like Jake. Ew._

Jasper responds with a smiley face and _I know._

_What's he doing now?_

_We're walking home. He's telling me all the things you guys have done. I might throw up._

I roll my eyes again. _Omg. Tell him to shut up._

_Trust me. I have._

_I'm sure he's exaggerating anyways, so it's not like you're hearing the truth._

_Oh, so you guys didn't hook up in the bathroom tonight with your friends on the couch?_

My whole body lights up. _Change the subject!_

A few minutes later, he sends _oh, you're dirty, Bella _with a wink and I'm dead.

I smile and laugh quietly in the darkness of this room before I text back _I missed you too, Jas._

~!~

The next morning, Rose and Alice make pancakes. Alice corners me when her parents dig in.

"Tell me the truth," she says quietly.

"About what?" My brows are scrunched. I throw my hair in a tight pony and wash my hands at the sink.

"About, Jake. You said last night he was your crush."

I laugh gently. "He isn't," I tell her. "I was just messin'."

"You sure? Because he just asked me out and I'm not going to say yes if you like him."

I turn to her now, put my hands on her shoulders, and stare into her beautiful, bright, bothered eyes. "Do _you_ really like him, Alice? Or are you trying to make someone jealous?"

She sighs loudly and leans against me. Her forehead is on my shoulder and I pull her in. "I honestly don't know, B, but I think maybe it's good I see what else is out there, even if it is Jake."

I nod and tell her, "okay. I don't like him Al, he's all yours."

And then Edward's in the kitchen making himself a plate. "s'cuse me," he says softly, reaching behind me for the paper towels. Tired, dark eyes watch Alice's fingers release me as she walks into the dining room. He and I are alone now and there's so much I want to say to him like _Rose knows!_ and _did I mess up? _and _I feel really dumb_ but his dad walks in and scowls.

"Edward, a word in my office."

Edward blows a long breath from tight lips and runs fingers over his head. "He's pissed," Edward offers.

"Why?"

His smile is small but cunning. His finger twitches to touch me but doesn't. His eyes lift from my neck to my eyes. "The panties I stole from you yesterday? He found them laying on the stairs this morning."

~!~

**A quick thank you to those who have reviewed, send personal messages, favorited, and/or followed this story. Your words and follows and favorites encourage me, and I love to read what you think/hope will happen! Fifteen was a long time ago for me, but I remember how tough it was with secret, sexy boyfriends and insatiable sex drives. Anyone else miss that, or just me?**


	16. Chapter 16

"I wish you could come," Alice tells me over the phone. I can hear her as she lays on the bed, hand on her stomach, other at her ear with the phone. I hear chipped green fingernails run through freshly dyed black hair. I tried to talk her out of it, but Alice told me it matches her soul, so she did it, and now her blue eyes are marble beacons when she stares at me.

"Mom needs me before we go to Rose's tonight," I lie.

Earlier, Alice calls me to tell me Mrs. Cullen is making a big dinner and wants all three of her kids, Edward, Alice, and Jasper, to be there. Usually, Jas takes his dinner to his room or eats in the basement and apparently Mrs. Cullen is over it.

"Please," she begs. "It's going to be so fucking awkward, B. I need you."

"You'll be okay, Al. You can't just ignore him until he moves out," I explain.

"I can try!"

Edward only texts me once at lunch time. _Coming over for the shit show, pretty B?_

I smile when I see his name on my phone. I smile when he calls me pretty. I smile because it's him. _I'm going to Rose's _I tell him guiltily. I wonder if he knows about the party. How can he not? Alice told Jake who I'm sure told Emmett who definitely told Edward who probably told Jasper. I shake my head of letting-down-my-boy thoughts and plop down on the couch next to dad.

"Need anything?" I ask him, curling my feet under myself.

"Nope," he tells me, flipping through the stations. "What's on the menu tonight?" he asks after a few minutes.

"Just a girl's night at Rosalie's house." I'm only half lying.

"You're really becoming a social butterfly," he explains, glancing at me.

"I have, like, two friends, dad."

"Alice, Rosalie… Jasper… Edward…" he trails off.

I give him my best irritated-fifteen-year-old eye roll. "Really dad? My best friend's brothers?"

"_Brothers_, huh?"

"What are you getting at, dad?" I ask, slits-for-eyes and test-me attitude points directly at him.

He shakes his head adamantly. "You're just… I want to… did your mom talk to you about…"

Mortification decorates my features and I do the only thing I can think of. "Mom!" I screech. Dad's eyes bug out.

"What?" mom calls, walking quickly into the room from the kitchen.8

"Mom, dad's trying to give me _the_ _talk_!" I embarrassedly tell her. I'm not comfortable talking about this with either of them, but mom makes it so much easier, _lighter_, to talk about.

Mom giggles gently. "Charlie, Bella and I already talked about it when she got her period a couple years ago."

"What! I didn't know you told her about… _sex_." Dad rolls his eyes and throws his head back in disappointment. "So now she knows? Don't you think she's a little young?" His frustration matches mine.

My mom puts one hand on her hip. "She's going to be sixteen this summer, Charlie. Should I have said the stork brings babies?" Mom challenges dad, and it makes me laugh to myself.

He groans and rolls his eyes. "I know you don't like to admit it, but she's not a little girl anymore. She's going to be growing up, becoming more independent, getting a boyfriend—"

"No," dad says, shaking his head.

"No?" I ask.

He glances at me and takes a large sip of his beer. "No," he says again.

Mom rolls her eyes and so do I. "Charlie," she begins but he gives her a look and she walks away with a shake of the head. I can't believe we're back to square one. Years of built up trust gone in seconds. Dad won't let me have a boyfriend.

I'm a lot mad, and when I stand to walk away, he grabs my wrist. "Make the right choices," he tells me, looking right into my mind.

"Huh?" I ask.

He sighs and pats the seat next to him. I sink slowly.

"Your mom's right. You're getting older. I can't slow time. I can't stop you from hanging around certain people, but just use your brain, ok kiddo? You're smart. You know the right people from the wrong people," he starts, looking away from me now. "Even if one of them lives with your friend," he says softly.

I furrow my brows and look at him. He's avoiding me. "What?" I ask.

He sighs deeper than my disappointment in him. "Bella, you know what I mean. I'm no dumbie to what goes on in this town. Don't underestimate me and my ability to find things out. I know who does what, who hangs out with who, and what those people do… and _sell_—"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I brush him off. I try not to sound so snippy, but he's hitting close to home, and I'm afraid he's going to ban me from my bestie's house because of the addict in the attic.

"Good," he tells me with a firm head nod. "Stay away from those boys, Bella. They're bad news."

"Boys?"

"Jasper, Edward… stay away from them."

"Why?" I'm more concerned about what he thinks he knows about my boys.

"Their names are always being tossed around at the station is all. Jasper's more than Edward's, but I don't want you getting caught up in their… activities. If you're going to hang out with boys, I'd rather you pick _nice _boys." He's totally dismissed me now. His attention is caught by a fishing show on TV.

"Edward and Jasper _are_ nice boys, dad. They've been nothing but nice." He doesn't look at me, and rage, hurt, and my pounding heart resonate inside. "Once, last summer when they were playing basketball at the courts, Alice and I were at the playground swinging. I jumped off and landed right on my knee. Mulch and dirt dug into my skin and I was bleeding everywhere." I pull up the ankle of my pants and show him the scar on my knee cap. He glances, looks at me, and then away. "Jasper rushed over to me and spilled the rest of his water to clean my knee. He helped me when I was hurt. Then Edward gave Jasper the rest of his water so Jasper could clean his hands. Are those the kind of boys you want me to stay away from?" The boys who sacrifice water on a hot July day, the boys who blow air on sensitive, cut open skin, the boys who wipe away tears with thumb pads and kiss my temple. These two boys helped me when I was hurt, and my dad thinks they're hooligans, untrustworthy, thugs. My face contorts in dad induced disappointment.

Dad turns his head to look at me. His even face studies mine and I know he can see the quickened pulse in my throat. I know he can taste my anxiety. I know he can hear the fear of my dad not approving of my secret boyfriend.

"No," he says evenly. "I guess not."

My heart slows slightly, but the ringing in my ears sings louder and I feel… annoyed. Annoyed that my dad would make presumptions about two boys who care more for me than they do about themselves. Annoyed that my mom gave up so easily. Annoyed that Alice chooses Jake to make Jasper jealous. Annoyed that my dad definitely won't approve of Edward.

I walk quietly up the steps to start packing for the night. I throw in my sexiest undies and laciest bra. I throw in the darkest makeup I own. I throw in anger and sadness and hurt. When I grab my phone and read Rose's text _I wanna get fucked up tonight _I text back _me too_.

Mom drops me off at Rose's way before Alice shows up. When Rose opens the door, she pulls me in and says, "you're not wearing that, are you?"

I laugh at her suddenness and shake my head. "No, I brought some other clothes."

We run up the steps, and she tears open my bag. Rose has curlers in her hair, and red on her lips. Black eyeliner wings at the ends, and she has one strip of false lashes on her left eye as she digs through my bag. She pulls out white satin undies trimmed in lace and a lilac lacey bra.

"What are you wearing over these, Bella?" she says through a smile.

I blush slightly and show her an off the shoulder, cream colored sweater and light denim. She eyes me up and down.

"It's better than what you've got on now." Her wink tells me she's only teasing.

We spend the next hour laughing and chatting and texting Al _hurry up_ and _when are you coming _and when she texts back _waiting for my mom. She's talking to the boys _I get nervous belly butterflies.

"So, Bella, how far have you guys gone?" Rose asks casually, pressing the other lash strip to her right eye.

"Uhm," I start, sitting in front of her mirror, curling the ends of my hair. "You know, not very far." I feel the heat lift from my shoulders to my neck to my cheeks to my eyes.

"Did you suck his dick or what?"

"Oh my god, Rose," I laugh heartily. "No, I haven't."

"Well, has he gone down _you_?"

"No?"

She's turned fully in her chair now. Flawless, painfully beautiful makeup covers her already pretty face, and she stares me down.

"For real?"

I shrug. "We've just… touched… each other."

She turns back around and begins pulling the rollers from her hair.

"What's his dick like?" This is normal, everyday conversation for Rose, but for me, I'm anxious. I've never openly talked about this with anyone. I never _could _before, and I want to be open and honest and free. I _want _to talk about my boyfriend's penis and incredible fingers and wettest tongue that sucks on the skin of my neck. So, I do. I open up to my friend Rose who gets this and understands and allows me to find my voice and confidence.

"Long… thick… smooth," I tell her.

We catch eyes in the mirror. "Now we're talking," she giggles softly.

"Emmett's was super thick and holy shit, Bella, it felt so good," she tells me slowly.

"Didn't it hurt?" I ask quietly.

"Kinda? But, like, he should make sure you're super turned on and wet, and if he's a gentleman, he'll make you come like 10 times first before he puts it in. Emmett didn't the first time, and I felt it the next day."

"Felt what?" I ask. I feel so dumb, but Rose never once laughs or teases my inexperience.

"Just soreness down there. It'll feel raw and hot and almost like you never want to do it again, but then he'll turn you on and you'll definitely want to again. I promise. The first few times aren't the best, but it gets better." Rose pulls the final curler from her long, blonde hair and I watch as it bounces and pulls and mixes in with the others. Rose's beauty captures me, and I can't tear my eyes away. How could Emmett dump her? She's the prettiest girl in our school.

"Do you miss him?" I ask her.

Rose slows her movements and looks down at her fingers as they play with the string of her sweats. "Sometimes," she tells me, "but it's complicated. He's so fucking immature and I can't stand it. He broke up with me this time, but I'm glad. I can't get back with him until he grows up. He needs to start putting me first sometimes."

I nod. "Yeah," I tell her because I don't know what else to say.

She stands suddenly and opens her closet door, thumbing through jeans and pants and dresses and tops. "What's your M.O. tonight, B?"

"Hm," I start, "I'm not really sure."

She glances behind her shoulder at me. "Edward's wanted by like every whore at school, and he knows it. Let's make him realize you're wanted, too."

I smile and nod. "Okay."

She smiles back. "But, we can't do it with your demure clothes, so I want you to wear this and this." Rose pulls out a cream colored knit long sleeved top. It looks _tiny_. "It stretches, don't worry," she tells me. The middle is laced up from the belly button to the low-cut neck. She pairs it with black, destroyed denim.

"I'm never going to fit these. I'm bigger than you," I tell her.

"Yes, you will. They stretch." She rolls her eyes.

I step out of my pants and into her denim. I breathe in and hope for the best as my I button the waist and zip up the fly. I look down. Leg skin pokes out of the distressed denim, but it doesn't look too tight. I tear off my cotton bra and replace it with lace then throw on the top. My breasts pop up and out. I tap them gently and bounce my fingers, watching my breasts ripple like water.

"We need to go shopping, Bella," she tells me, throwing on a tight top, sans bra. "You need to invest in some thongs."

"Why?" I ask.

Rose gives me a look before saying, "because those are pants that shape your ass and I can see your panty lines."

I turn to the mirror and look behind me. "Oh shoot," I say, rubbing my fingers over the lines. "What should I do?"

Just then her doorbell rings. "Underwear drawer is on the top. Some I haven't worn yet. Keep whatever you take," she yells behind her.

I search quickly. Lacey little scraps decorate her drawer. Some pieces are low hip huggers, some have one little string that goes from back to front. I end up finding one cute little thong with a tag still on the waistband. It's white cotton with tiny pink flowers covering it. A small pink bow decorates the top of the waistband, too. I think I'll be comfortable in this.

I rush to the bathroom and strip. I hear Alice and Rose giggling while I tear off the tag and slip cotton up my legs. The waistband fits snuggly, but it's fine. Cotton slips between my cheeks and I turn, dance on my tiptoes, and check myself out in the mirror. I'm instantly dirtier, darker, sexier. I want to sit on Edward's lap with only these on. I feel like I want his fingers in me and his mouth on me. I feel like the butterflies in my belly are going to migrate north and out of my mouth. I feel like I want Edward here tonight. I'm doing all of this and he's not even going to be here to enjoy it. Shit!

I slip Rose's pants up my legs and I button the waistband before opening the door. I walk into Rose's room and she whistles.

"Damn," Al says. "I think I'm wet."

I scrunch my nose and give her the girlyest giggle I can manage. I fall onto her and we lay on Rose's bed. Rose lays with us and we snap a few pictures licking each other's faces and making kissy faces.

"Emmett's going to die," she laughs, swiping through the pictures before deciding to post the best one.

"Yeah, you look hot," I tell her.

I watch as Alice sits up, grabs her black backpack, and pulls out a joint.

"Not because of me," Rose tells me as Al lights up. "He always wanted to have usin the same bed."

I watch Al puff and pass it to Rose. I look back at Alice. "Well, Al's single. Maybe you guys could have that threesome," I giggle as Rose puffs and passes. I take the joint from Rose. With a shrug, I puff a very small lungful, hold it until it burns, and release slowly. This is the first time I've smoked without Edward, and it feels kind of wrong.

Rose rolls her eyes as I repeat the pull, stronger, bigger, heavier than last time. "Not Alice, dumb-dumb, you!"

My eyes bug and I choke on the smoke that catches in my throat. "What!" I yell gasp, clutching my chest and coughing deeper. I wheeze from smoke and dryness and surprise.

Rose laughs as Alice takes the joint from my fingers.

"Girl, you're hot. Em always talked about fucking us at the same time."

I'm on fire. Heat travels from my toes to my center, and I'm dying. "Oh my god, Rosalie!" I throw my hand on my forehead. Al passes the joint to me and I breathe in deeper and heavier and let the smoke marinate in my lungs for longer before I exhale and puff again before passing it to Rose. When the effects hit me and calm me, I smile at Rose. "You _let _him talk about doing me and you together?"

For a moment, I picture what it'd be like. Rose, naked, beautiful, flawless, laying next to me with Emmett, large, grunting, sweaty on top of her, looking at me being weird, awkward, innocent.

She laughs and sits up. "Hell yeah, it was sexy, B. Once, he was fucking me from behind, and I asked him what'd he do if you were laying naked on my bed and he came, like, four seconds later."

Alice tips off the bed from laughter and lightness and I look down to check on her before slapping Rose playfully on the arm.

My head spins and the room moves like seasons around me. I feel like a snow globe that someone shook too hard.

"I'm baked," Rose says slowly.

"This shit is intense," Al says, putting out the roach. "It's straight from the motherfucker who fucked up Jasper's life."

"You bought from Riley?" I ask.

Alice nods and then her phone rings. It's Jake, and she sends him to voicemail. He calls again, and she does the same. Rose quirks a brow.

"Playing hard to get," Al giggles. "I'll see him later tonight."

Al and Rose finish getting ready, and I'm laying on a spinning bed. The feeling is strange. My fingers are feathers and when I tickle them across my exposed belly, I barely feel it. I pull out my phone and text Edward _hey pretty boy. I like your lips and ears and the freckle under your nipple. Can you bite me?_

Later that night, Rose, Al, and I laugh so hard I might pee on the couch in Rose's living room. We ask Sam to take our picture and right before Rose posts it, Edward texts back _I'll bite you anywhere you want_. I smile and throw my head back. I'm two Mike's Hard deep and the high from earlier fades slowly into drunkenness.

_My vagina? _I tease him back.

_I said anywhere, B._ he responds immediately.

_I want to feel your mouth right there_. I'm free and light and soft and brave.

_I want to feel my mouth on your pussy, too, Bella. _I read his words and shiver delightfully. Rose leans over and gasps before she grabs my phone and reads everything.

"Damn, Bella," she giggles lowly. I look for Alice who's typing on her phone, too.

I'm too slow to realize that Rose is typing quickly and then she laughs. I snap out of it as she types again and presses send just as I rip my phone from her perfectly painted nails.

And that's when I read it. That's when I suck in breaths and choke on my spit and give Rose the biggest eyes she's ever seen.

_Come do it_ Rose texts him back.

_I'll make you scream. Your little girlfriend's will hear, baby _he says.

_Come to Rosalie's right now and I'll suck your dick. _

"Rose!" I yell.

Alice glances at me and I shake my head. "She's trying to dirty text Em from my phone." Al laughs and stands to walk into the kitchen.

_That was Rose _I text Edward quickly.

He calls me, and I'm running upstairs quickly as I answer.

"Hello?" I ask, out of breath and horny as hell.

"So, you don't want to suck my dick then?" he laughs lowly.

"Kinda," I whisper, shutting the door to Rose's room and sitting on her bed. The room is alcohol-induced twisting. My arms and legs fall heavily to my sides. I don't know why I said that. I definitely want to. I want to taste him and watch him and feel him come undone.

I hear him laugh and inhale gently. "Where's my party invite, pretty girl?"

I exhale. "It was Rose's idea," I start. "She wanted to make Em mad."

"Well, it worked," Edward says. There's a knock on his door and he yells "fuck off" before continuing with, "Em's over right now. We're playing NBA Live and he shows me this picture Rosalie posted with my little sister high as shit and my little B's tits out."

"Sorry," I tell him, embarrassed.

"Don't be," he laughs. "You look fucking hot. You should see what people are saying in the comments. You should hear what Em's saying. I almost elbowed him in the cock, B."

I giggle and remember the secret from earlier. "Rose told me Em wants to have a threesome with me and her and him," I blurt out.

Edward laughs but says nothing. He's light, too. He's high.

"Do you wanna have a threesome with me and Rose and you?" I ask quietly, afraid of the answer.

I hear him inhale deeply and exhale slowly before answering. "Never in a million fucking years, Bella. You're mine."

I smile gently. "I love you."

"Em's too fucked up to drive, so text me Rosalie's address," he says louder, turning the sink on.

"Why?"

"So I can come over there and show you exactly how _mine _you are, Isabella."

I bite my lip, hang up, and text him the address. I run downstairs, find Rose, and tell her.

"Think he'll bring Emmett?" she asks.

I nod but explain, "Edward says he's messed up, though."

"Good," she says, and falls into Sam's lap. "Game on."

Alice sits next to Jake and talks animatedly with him. She's not overly touchy and it looks like maybe she's actually getting to know him. It's weird. Jake smiles and touches her hand. Alice immediately puts it under the table. She's reserved, like she doesn't like how she's maybe sort of liking Jake.

"Favorite movie?" he asks her.

"Pulp Fiction," she answers. "Favorite rapper?"

"Drake," Jake answers. "Worst scar?"

Al pulls up her sleeve and shows him the one-and-a-half-inch scar across her elbow. It's raised and flesh colored and smooth. "I fell off my bike when I lived in Arizona. My dad spent like an hour pulling gravel out of it."

Jake nods. He puts his fingers just above the scarred skin and looks at her for approval. She nods, and he gently traces it with his fingers. "Cool," he says.

She pulls down her sleeve and asks, "favorite color socks?"

I walk away with a smile and grab another drink. I sit on the couch alone, sipping my drink, chatting with a few girls from English, when in walk the three boys we need most. My eyes flirt from Leah to Edward to Em to Edward to Jas to Edward to Leah to Edward. He's good at hiding, but the smile plastered on his face is not because his friends make him laugh. It's because of me. He's high smiling and low lidded and when he sits next to me and throws his arm over the back of the couch, I lean in. When Jas does the same to my other side, I push him away. He kisses my cheek and pulls me into his sweater.

"You were going to keep this little party from us?" Jas jokes, roughing up my hair.

"No brothers allowed," I joke, slapping his arm and fixing my hair.

Edward takes the hand from behind me and combs through the back of my hair, putting it back in its place. "What about me, B?" he asks lowly, his lips closer to my ear than Jas's were. "Is this brother allowed?"

I can't find the words, so I nod. He smiles crookedly, leans back, and then we hear it.

"The fuck?" Em roars.

"Go away!" Rose shouts.

"You're with this guy now?"

"Why can't I be? You're with every girl in the fucking world, Emmett!" I hear the sadness and irritation and tears threaten her voice.

"I haven't been with anyone, Rosalie!" Emmett yells back.

I stand to go to her, and Edward grabs my wrist. I look at him and he shakes his head. Bodies drain from the kitchen into the living room, giving Rose and Em room to explode. I pick up my drink and chug. Edward smirks.

"What?" I ask.

His knee swings and taps mine. "Nothing," he whispers.

"Tell me," I whisper.

He taps my nose with this pointer and smirks. "Your cheeks are cherry red and you can't even feel my fingers on your shoulder. You're gone, drunk baby," he says softly.

I lean away from him so people don't stare. I roll my eyes and look away.

"What'd your mom talk to you and Jasper about earlier?" I ask.

Edward shrugs. "Boy shit."

"Like what?"

"You really want to know?" His smirk tempts me.

"That's why I asked, Edward."

"My mom found condoms in the washer. She gave us the talk."

"What?" I explode in laughter.

"I know," he agrees, laughing with me. "Shits funny, right? I mean, she clearly knows my history. I could write the god damn Kama Sutra. Must have been more for Jas."

"Kama Sutra?" I ask.

Edward's look teases and persuades me to ask him, but I don't. I ask Jas instead who laughs harder than I have ever heard before.

"It's a sex book, Bella," he says between fits of hysterics. "With a lot of different… positions."

"Do you own it?" I ask, feeling dumb.

"No!" Jas starts, "I just google it." He winks and smiles and nudges me.

"Do _you _own it?" I ask Edward.

He smiles and stares through long lashes. "Not anymore," he jokes.

I cross my arms over my chest in petulance. "Whose condoms were they?"

"Mine," Jas says casually as he leans forward to roll and lick and light a joint in a minute flat. He pulls and passes to Edward, but I grab it and put it to my lips instead. Before I can inhale, Edward sits up and takes it from my lips.

"Not this shit, B," he says, putting it to his lips as he watches me.

"Why not?" I ask. Edward's still pulling and holding and looking at me deeply, so I turn to Jas.

His eyes are super low and he's smiling big. "It's heavy," he laughs.

"Is it the same stuff Alice bought from Riley?" I ask and Jasper's eyes snap as open as they can manage.

"What?"

"The stuff Alice bought earlier… She brought a joint with her and said she bought it from Riley."

"Did you smoke this shit, Bella?" Edward asks me, leaning forward to watch me closely.

I nod slowly, like I'm in trouble for stealing a blow-pop or something.

Edward sits up suddenly, hands the joint to Jas, and says, "I'm gonna fucking kill him," before pulling his phone from his pocket. He presses harder and harder with each passing letter.

Jas asks, "where's Alice?"

I shrug because she's my girl and I think I just got her in trouble.

"Where the fuck is she, Bella?" Jas asks more firmly. He's usually cool and calm, so this disposition is slightly worrying.

"I don't know!" I look around. She was in the kitchen with Jake and they didn't move in the living room with the rest of the crowd when Rose and Em started fighting. Jasper stands solidly and storms out of the room.

When Edward's done typing furiously, he's sitting next to me again. His hand runs over the grown out hair cut, and he pulls strands between his fingers. Smooth elbows rest on his knees. He tries to look friendly and soft and joking to his little sister's girl, but his resolve crumbles slowly.

"Meet me upstairs in Rose's bathroom in a few minutes. Her door is at the end of the hall."

I stand and sway and climb the stairs when I hear Em yell, "what the fuck do you want from me, Rose?" I don't listen for her response.

It's twelve minutes before Edward walks in.

"Jas still can't find Alice. Do you know where she is?"

I shake my head. "I'll text her." I send a quick message and put my phone on the counter.

"Rose and Em are still going at it down there. I think they're minutes away from fucking each other now though," he laughs.

Alice texts back. _Shit got weird. Jake took me to the diner. _I show Edward who nods.

"Why did you smoke it knowing it's from Riley?" Edward asks.

"What's the big deal?" I ask. "It's just weed."

"Jas stopped buying his weed from Riley awhile ago. He started lacing it with shit. If you girls are going to buy, then buy from Sam or Jake. Never from Riley, okay, Bella?" He's walking over to me and pushing hair behind my ears. Edward's eyes are star-light serious and love-concerned.

"Then why do you and Jas? The one you smoked tonight… that was from him?"

"We're dumb as shit, B. I was out, Jake's too focused on my sister, and Sam runs dry this time of year."

I nod again and that's it. I want to tell him it made me feel light and weird and different earlier, but I don't.

Edward scoots even closer to me. "Bella," he whispers, running his nose from my hair to my ear to my neck. "Bella, Bella, Bella."

"Hm?"

He grips the loops on the jeans and lifts me to sit on the counter.

"I want to…" He trails light-hot touches from my neck to my breastbone to my breast.

"Want to what?"

He shakes his head and grips my breast harder. "I can see your little lace through this shirt. What do you have on underneath all this shit, Bella?"

I smile and lean back. "Wanna find out?"

He rips the shirt from my body and throws it behind him. He leans down, his palms on the counter, and looks directly at me. Edward lowers slowly and puts my lace covered nipple in his mouth. I bite my lip and never break eye contact.

He slips his palm up my neck to my mouth and the pad of his thumb pulls gently on my chin, releasing my teeth from my lip. I moan softly, swiveling my hips and jutting my chest into his mouth. He's giving me a little, but I need a lot.

He pulls down my bra, and my breasts bounce out. He wastes no time gripping both and going from the left to the right, sucking and nipping each nipple tenderly until my hips jerk and I need to feel anything there.

I push him back and stand up. I unbutton and unzip and pull jeans until they're balled at my knees. He's staring right at white cotton and pink flowers. His smile is love. "So innocent in your little cotton, B."

I smile devilishly. He has no idea. I push him back further so there's more room and then I turn slowly. My hands brace myself on the counter and we make eye contact in the mirror before I watch blue-greens glide down my shoulder to my back to the little triangle of my innocent, cotton undies, and then to my exposed cheeks.

Edward never makes a sound or moves a muscle, but I watch the tightness of his throat swallow, and I wish I could see how turned on he is right now. When I move to turn, Edward steps up and holds my hips. He pushes me forward and my hips drive painfully into the counter. One hand leaves my hip to press on my back and I lean forward more.

Edward smiles and when he opens his mouth to moan or groan or tell me anything, there's a knock on the bathroom door. We freeze. I sit up suddenly and Edward pulls my jeans up for me.

"Bella?" Rose asks quietly through thick wood of the door.

I sigh in relief as I grab the shirt and throw it back on. I open the door as Edward startles and jumps into the shower, pulling the curtain closed.

"You ok?" I ask her.

She nods. "We're going to the diner. You and Edward want to come? He'll probably have to drive… Em's drunk. Where is Edward?" she asks, looking around the bathroom. "Thought he'd be in here fucking your brains out by now."

I giggle. "Come on Edward," I tell him. He slowly pulls back the curtain.

"She knows?" he asks.

"Please," Rose argues. "It's obvious with the way you look at her. If you really want to keep this secret any longer, quick eye fucking each other all the time."

"How?" Edward asks, walking closer to us.

"Last night," I tell him as he wraps his arm around my shoulder.

"You were really laying it on thick with he whole "is it me? Am I your crush, baby sugar beautiful B?" shit," Rose admits. She turns to leave but Edward stops her.

"Wait," he starts. Rose turns back. "I've wanted to do this for so fucking long, and since only Rose and Jas know, this has to be good enough." Edward pushes me back against the wall and covers my lips with his. He wraps soft, large hands around my neck, his thumbs tickle my jawline. Lips and tongue and heat spread mine as he whispers love and lust and I'm-so-fucking-excited-_someone_-knows into my mouth with his teeth and tongue and spit. I moan gently and grip his wrists. Edward breaks apart, breathing heavily, and smiles against my cheek.

"Damn," Rose jokes and we both glance at her.

Edward throws his arm around me and we walk past her. He kisses me once more before saying, "we'll wait for you guys in the car. Love you."

I smile love and happiness and slow-belly-burns back at him.

"Did you take Em back?" I ask as Rose fixes her makeup and picks out shoes.

"Nope."

"Does he want you back?"

"Yep."

"Now what?"

"I make him grovel. I told you I need to see him change. I can't be last in his life anymore. He can't put fucking NBA Live with his brother over me anymore."

I nod and smile and tell her, "good!" before we slip into shoes and into Em's car that Edward's driving.

It's so packed, but Em sits in the front seat and me, Jas, and Rose are in the back. I smile when Jas puts his arm around my shoulder. I miss him. I want him better. I want him to want to be better.

I take his hand from my shoulder and lace our fingers together. He glances at me. His eyes are thankful. His smile is why-do-you-love me and you're-better-than-I-am and I'm-only-going-to-hurt-you. My smile is because-you're-my-family safe. I lean my cheek on his shoulder, and he smells more like dirty smoke than he did earlier.

"I lost her," he whispers into my hair.

"Not all the way," I tell him seriously, looking for his eyes but they're so lost I can't even find them. His pupils are pin pricks and his eyes look for anything to ground him. I try to catch his with mine and anchor him with me, but Jasper's so far gone he doesn't know how to get back.

Edward's eyes on the other hand are the opposite. His eyes find mine immediately. This boy, my boy, knows I'm his home. He knows the directions back to us. He's never as lost as his brother. I don't even know what they have in common anymore, but Edward's always there for Jasper, always there with Jasper.

~!~

At the diner, Alice and Jake are waiting at a big circle booth in the back. They're not sitting overly close, and I can feel Jas physically relax at the site of ex-girl-with-basketball-buddy. Rose scoots in, then I scoot in, then Edward, Em, and Jas who sits across from the not-so-couple couple. He stares at them deeply, honestly. He orders a coke but doesn't drink it. I order a vanilla milkshake and suck half of it down in three gulps. Edward watches my lips and throat, and I maybe tongue the straw once or twice for his benefit. Em leans forward and watches too. I smile at him and his blush lights up his baby face.

I nudge Rose and her sweet, glossy eyes roll back into her brain. Her hair shines as bright as her smile, and when I reach out and touch the ends, she winks.

"Sorry for interrupting earlier," she teases, bumping my shoulder.

I laugh and shake my head at her. It's fine I want to tell her, but Emmett clears his throat and nudges Jas when Jake leans into to Alice. They have five sets of prying eyes judging every movement made.

The fact that Alice doesn't even notice unnerves me. My eyes ping-pong from Al to Jas, and the soap opera moments of does-she-like-him or does-she-not play out before us. Jas white knuckles his fingers as they imprint crescent pleats on his palm. His rigid jaw clenches. His tiny pupils bounce. Silence screams so loud I want to cover my ears or cry.

"You staying at Rose's tonight, Al?" Edward asks calmly, stealing the rest of my milkshake and sucking it down. He toys with the straw and looks right at her.

"Nah," she says.

"No?" I ask, my brows knitting together.

"Jake wants to show me some old car he fixed up with his dad, then he'll drop me off at home."

Jas nods. Edward sighs and leans back. I look at Al who's looking at me and give her the what-the-hell face and she returns with I'll-tell-you-later eyes so I let it go and lean back with Edward. I'm leaning into his warmth on instinct, and when he sits up abruptly, I realize my mistake.

"Tired, baby B?" His joke is big-brother teasing.

Jasper joins in. He glances at his watchless wrist and teases, "isn't it past your bedtime, little girl?"

"Shut it," I tell them and stick out my tongue.

Jas laughs but Edward stares and when Em asks, "we going back to Rose's to get fucked up or what?" we all chuckle.

"Don't you think you've had enough, dumbass?" Rose says, staring him down. Her intense gaze pulls him forward, and Emmett's all but leaning his chest on the table.

Edward pushes him away and tells him to "go shoot your load somewhere else."

I laugh suddenly and slap the meat of my palm against my thigh. Edward's taken by surprise and his dazzling smile causes tightness in my lower belly. It's very rare I hear Edward joke and fool around and be a sixteen-and-a-half-year-old with his friends. I very rarely hear teenaged-raunchiness and jizz-jokes and rough-play-boy-punches with his friends. I like it.

This is one of the first times I wish Edward and I could hang out during the day, when birds sing and sunshine warms and I can see the sun reflect on his skin and his soul and the freckles on his back. I want to know what he's like with his teammates after practice and in math class and driving around with Emmett and when he's alone with Jasper giving him you're-better-than-this talks. It's right now that I start to realize I don't know _all_ of my boy.

I know the Edward in the nighttime. I know him when he's hard and rubbing against me. I know him when he's just smoked with Jas and his hands are light and lazy. I know him when he's upset with his brother-friend who disappears upstairs to pop pills. I know him when he's changing socks and throwing dirty ones at me. I know him when he's sitting in the deep, dark basement, under blankets, grabbing my knee and touching my fingers in secrecy.

Alice and Jake stand, stretch, and say goodbye. Al mouths "I'll call you tomorrow" and I already can't wait. Jas slumps low and slow and hurt into the old cushions. We put some cash on the table and pile back into Emmett's car.

"Be careful, Edward," I tell him over the noise of the music as Edward takes a turn too fast. "You don't have your license yet!"

Edward catches my eyes in the mirror. "I'm good, sugar baby," he teases.

We're back at Rose's and Jas is two beers deep. Edward finishes his first. Emmett's taking shots. I'm drunk off a good time. When Edward offers me a Mike's Hard, I shake my head no and he simply nods.

I'm leaning against the counter and listening to Rose and Em argue about who's the strongest Avenger. Em gives a pretty fair argument for the Hulk, but Rose wins with big words and a better vocabulary for Thor.

"Plus," she begins with a crooked smile, "Thor is fucking _delicious_."

"Oh, fuck off! What's Thor have that I don't?" Em's slightly slurring and boisterous and being totally ridiculous.

Rose plays into it. She shrugs and raises a brow. "Sexy back muscles."

Em stares at her, tears off his shirt, and points to his back. "What do you call these?"

Rose holds in her laughter better than Edward and I do. "Eh," she lies through her teeth.

Em stands, pushes his chair back, and storms up the stairs to the bathroom. I look at Rose and she bursts out laughing.

"He's so mad," I giggle.

"I love it," she laughs back.

Edward's in front of me and grabbing my neck and pulling me to him. He lifts me and sits me on the counter. Heat from his palms rest heavily on my knees and pushes them open and pulls me forward. Edward's lips are on mine hard and heavy and heated. Softest lips burn through mine and his tongue slips between my lips and I forget where I am. One soft, delicate whimper escapes me, and Jas says, "fuck man, take it elsewhere."

I pull back and stare. Rose looks approving. Jas looks disgusted but slightly amused. Emmett stomps back down the stairs and Edward moves to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water.

"You ok, B?" Edward asks. "You look a little flushed. Are you hot or something?"

My blush spreads and I look to my knees before I glance back at him and then to Emmett with a smirk. If he can tease, so can I.

"Em took his shirt off, what do you expect?"

Rose's snort fills the room and even Jas chuckles. Edward stares deeply; he's jealous. I look back to Em who's eyeing me. He sits down suddenly and Rose, laughing hysterically, yells, "you gave him a boner!" I practically fall off the counter I laugh so hard.

~!~

It's hours later and Emmett's passed out on the couch. Riley picks up Jas. Edward pulls me into his lap after we finish cleaning the kitchen.

"You guys can stay in the guest room for the night. Emmett will sleep until noon, so don't worry," Rose tells us.

Upstairs, Edward lays on the bed with me next to him.

"We get the whole night," he tells me, grabbing my hand and kissing my knuckles.

Our bodies move up the bed, under the covers, and I'm asleep in minutes.

I wake hours later. When I check my phone, the screen reads 5:19 and Edward's gone. My fingers rub my eyes and I pull myself up and into the hallway. I reach for the bathroom door, and Edward exits.

"Hi, beautiful," he mumbles. Morning voice sounds sexy in my ear. He's minty fresh. My face questions this. "I used my finger as a toothbrush," he admits. I nod and walk past him to do the same. He waits for me and we walk, fingers locked, back to bed.

I'm uncomfortable and still half asleep, so I tear off my shirt and lose my pants forgetting what little I have on bottom as I settle my back against Edward's chest. He breathes deeply and I think he's simply relaxed, but delicate, long fingers dance on the curve of my waist and across my arm and down my hip to the thin waistband of my undies.

"Where'd you get these, Bella?" he asks lowly, tracing the back of the thong.

"From Rose," I tell him honestly.

"I'll have to thank her later," he whispers into my neck, biting gently, massaging the bare flesh of my cheek. He palms it roughly and tightly and slowly. He turns me in his arms, and he kisses me so deep I can feel his tongue at the back of my mouth. Sweet mint and wetness plays with my tongue and lips as his fingers grip me and spread me. The palm of his left hand grasps the back of my knee and hitches my leg up and over his. I'm spread and open in the back, and his fingers explore back there. I roll my hips and push back into his fingers.

Suddenly, he rolls and holds my legs on either side of his hips so I'm straddling him wide. Fingers glide up my thighs and over the curve my bottom and tightly onto my hips. He starts rolling me back and forth as I sit up, resting my weight on his dick and the hands I have on his chest.

"Damn, Bella," he grunts. "Do you feel what you do to me?"

"Not with all these clothes on," I admit.

He tells me to take them off, so I'm scooting back, unbuttoning, and pulling down.

"Whoa," he tells me when I hear his dick slap against his shirt. "You took my boxers, too" he laughs. He rips his shirt off his chest next.

I answer by climbing back up and pressing my hot, cotton covered center against his hardness. Edward sort of grunts and grabs my ass as he pulls us back to the headboard. His back rests against pillows, and he's elevated more than before. I sit up straighter, grinding back and forth slowly.

"I can feel you," he whispers. "I can feel how wet you are. I can feel your pussy wrapping around me. Shit," he sighs heavily. His hands grip my cheeks firmly and spread me wide. I can feel my undies ride up as he releases me. My undies ride up the front, too. The bare, smoothness of my center glides across his shaft and we're electrified.

"Bella," he rasps, "as much as I love this," he starts, gripping the sides of the thong, "will you please take it off?"

I don't even think. I'm on my feet, sliding wet cotton down my legs, and kicking them off before I kneel back down. When our centers touch for the first time with nothing in the way, Edward tightens and holds and presses me harder.

I can't even form words right now. It's birthday morning excitement and secret-notes-in-your-locker loving. It's the way he stares at me in lunch and kisses me when no one's watching. It's his mouth on my shoulder and his tongue on my knee. It's his cock where I'm wettest, warmest, hungriest.

Edward takes my hips and glides me across his shaft. The head bumps against my clit and I tremble with every pass. He's rocking me harder and faster and I can barely keep up. My hips move too forward and too backward and the head spreads me at my opening and when I freeze, Edward's hips raise.

"Fuck," he grunts through gritted teeth. "Move your hips Isabella or I'm gonna…"

I don't want to though. I want to sink lower and let him slip in, so I do. I lower myself gently, but the pressure he has on my hips denies it.

"Please?" I whimper.

The grip he holds on my hips loosens, and when I sink harder, he just barely pushes against my opening before I'm ripped away.

"No," he tells me. "Only like this or nothing at all."

I groan and start riding his length harder and faster. I put pressure from his head directly on my clit and he forces my hips down harder.

"Come on me," he whispers. One hand grabs my breast and pinches my nipple. "Come on my cock, Isabella."

I do. I come so hard it hurts my thighs. I come so hard I slap his chest with my palm. I come so hard I moan his name over and over and when he puts his hand to my mouth, I suck on it. I'm barely even back from consciousness when Edward grits out, "move. I'm coming, Bella!"

I barely even notice though. I thought the pressure from his fingers on my hips was to help me, but it was to push me away. I jump off his lap and sit on his thighs as I watch him twitch and hot white ropes shoot out so far it decorates his neck and chest. His hand wraps around the base of his cock and he milks the rest out.

"That's incredibly hot," I whisper.

"What?" he pants.

"Watching you do that."

He looks at me, lit up by moonlight, and breathes. I fall to his side and touch the mess he made. It's warm and thick and I want it.

"Bella," he warns.

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

I shrug. "I don't know…"

Before I can do anything else, he's moving to clean up. When we're both clean and semi dressed again, he pulls the covers up and kisses my nose.

"I love you like birds in spring," he tells me.

"I love you like basketball games in the summertime."

"I love you like popsicles in August."

"I love you like snow days."

"You got me there," he whispers through a yawn. "I just love you, Bella."

"Same," I whisper back.

When I wake up, Edward's face down and snoring. It's 10:04 now, and I'm cottonmouthed and tired, but it's getting late and we need to get up. I roll over and check my phone.

Alice texted me late last night. _Call me as soon as you get home._

Jasper texted me, too. _I need to talk to you, B._

And one from Rose. _Damn girl, I'm about to come, too. _I laugh loudly through embarrassment, but Rose has a way of making me comfortable in my sexuality.

I nudge Edward awake. He ignores me. I nudge him again. "Hey, did Jasper text you last night?"

Instead of waking, he gestures to his phone on the bedside table. When I unlock it, there are several from Jasper.

_You still with Bella?_

_I need a favor._

_God damn it, man, answer the phone._

_Riley tried to sell me dirty shit. I beat the fuck out of him. Cops showed. _

I immediately dial Jasper's number from Edward's phone.

"It's about time, fucker," he answers.

"It's me," I tell him.

"Oh, sorry, B. Is Edward there?"

"What happened?" I ask quickly.

"Oh, nothing, why?"

"You texted me and said you needed to talk to me!"

"Oh, yeah, just about Alice, but I can wait until later. Is Edward there? I need to talk to him."

"He's asleep," I tell him. "What happened last night? I read the texts."

I hear him sigh loudly. "Dumb shit, B. You don't want to know."

"Then why would I ask?" He's trying my patience.

"I fucked Riley up for selling me bad shit and the cops came. I was able to get away, but they saw it was me running."

"Who was it?" I ask. "Who was the cop, Jasper?" My throats in my belly and my hearts in my kneecaps. I'm shaking and sad and he hasn't even confirmed it yet.

"It was your dad, Bella."


	17. Chapter 17

Hi everyone! Sorry it's been so long! We're in the middle of moving and we adopted a puppy, so things have been crazy around my house. Happy holidays to all!

~!~

My world is a merry go around, only my cotton-candy filled belly isn't churning from too many sweets, it's churning from the bomb my best friend's brother's friend just delivered.

"Bella, it'll be fine," Edward says, rubbing my back as I cry into his neck. "As far as your dad knows, you don't even mess around with Jas."

I'm so upset not just because my dad cracks the glass of our super-secret, but because I just told dad that he can trust Jas. I'm embarrassed by Jasper's actions. I'm upset and hurt and tired. I feel a sliver of what Alice must have felt for way too long, and what Edward hides from me for years. How does he do this? How does he relate and smile and carry this weight like one hundred bricks stacked perfectly high, holding them in his palms, watching them sway and tip, unable to stop the collapse.

And then he looks at me. His blues are rested and his smile lifts me. My belly is sugar-sweet sick from the touch of his fingertips and the love in his eyes. He kisses my cheeks and my hair and holds my hand over his chest. Edward holds Jasper's weight for us. He holds it so we can lay like this—alone, secret, swollen with light and lust. He holds it so he can give me pretty necklaces with his initial on it. He holds the weight so Jasper holds ours. Just as Jasper is someone's super-secret, we, too, are someone's super-secret. It doesn't make it okay, but it makes it tolerable.

"Tell me what to do," I whisper through my sadness-plugged-nose.

"You're going to go home, smile, tell your mom how much girly fun you had painting Rosalie's fingernails pretty-pretty-pink, and how Alice painted her toes lime green, and then you drank root beer floats and watched Crybaby until you fell asleep. You're going to laugh loud and show off those sugar-baby teeth. You're going to hug your dad and tell him you missed him. You're going to be pretty-B-light and loving and _you_."

I smile and hum softly, burrowing further into his neck. I sigh through anxiety. "Okay," I tell him, kissing the softness of his neck. "Okay."

Edward rubs my back and my arm and holds me tighter. "You're _not_ going to tell them you got drunk. And you're definitely not going to tell them you wore sexy panties for your best girl's brother." His tease lightens the tension as he lifts my chin and pulls my bottom lip with his teeth.

I prop myself up and glance at him through my lashes. The blanket has fallen to my waist and my breasts are exposed. "You're cute," I tell him, kissing him right on the lips.

"You're dangerous," he laughs, kissing me harder, staring at my chest. Edward's fingers dance up my side and just before he palms the outside swell of my breast, there's a knock on the door.

"What?" Edward yells.

"I'll give you ten seconds until I come in," Rose's voice says through the door.

I pull the blanket up, and giggle at Edward whose irritation isn't hidden from his face. Rose saunters in, confidence high, a smirk on her lips.

"Sorry," Rose says with a smile, "but Edward should probably head downstairs. Emmett will be up soon."

"Fine," Edward grunts, sitting up in the bed, running his fingers through is hair. Rose knows what happened in this room. She looks at us for a beat, laughs, and turns to exit the room.

Edward rubs the skin of my hand with the pad of his thumb and whispers so much adoration it makes my heart flutter. He smiles sweetly and throws back the covers. I watch him get up, pull on his clothes, and lean against the wall.

"What?" I ask.

He smirks and picks up my undies. "Don't forget these," he says, tossing them to me before slipping out the door.

~!~

It's just after two when Rose's mom drops me off at my house. I plaster a smile on my face and bop up the stairs to my house.

"Hello!" I call excitedly, dropping my overnight bag by the door, and walking into the kitchen. I want to freeze when I see my dad at the table with the paper. He's drinking coffee and not beer, so maybe that's a good thing. Anxiety washes over me, and I hope he doesn't smell it.

"Hi, honey," mom says through a smile. If she knows, she's acting, too. "How was your night?"

"Fun!" It's definitely not a lie.

Dad throws me a glance. Mom's smile is genuine. I take a seat and tell them everything Edward told me to. When I told them we watched Crybaby, mom says, "again?" and laughs.

Dad sits quietly, so I ask, "what're you reading?" while I peel an orange.

"Comics," he says before sipping from his mug again. I watch the way his mustache dips into the liquid and how he dries it with the back of his hand. "Do anything else last night?" he asks casually but the underlying tone is I-know-all-your-secrets.

I swallow and shrug. "Rose wanted to curl my hair, but then we decided to prank call Angela instead."

Dad nods with a purse of his lips. He hears my lie but doesn't believe it. "Make sure you're respectful, Bella."

"So, I shouldn't prank call you then?" I joke.

This gets a chuckle from him and he shakes his head. Mom laughs, too.

It's quiet and easy while I rip the skin from my orange and eat the pieces one at a time. Dad finishes his coffee, rinses his cup, and sits back down. He closes the paper and looks at me meaningfully. His eyes are relaxed but his mouth is tense.

Here we go.

"What's wrong, dad?" I ask, knitting my brows together in confusion.

"I want to tell you the truth before you find out from your friends, Bella," dad starts. Mom sits now, too.

"Okay?" I glance at mom who's hand cups and holds her pointy chin. Her mouth is less severe than my dad's, but her eye's are drowning in worry for my love's best friend.

"I got a call very late last night. Riley Biers was caught selling to drugs to some students at your school. He's a bad kid, Bells, I told you this before."

"Yeah, I remember, dad. Everyone knows Riley's bad news." I take a bite of my orange as I feign indifference.

"Jasper Whitlock was there when I pulled up." Dad pauses and watches me. I'm still chewing, but my eyes find his. "A group of three boys, including him, ran. He fled the scene before we could get to him. He left Biers with two broken ribs and busted lip with a bloody face."

"Dad," I start with a forced laugh and fake indifference. "I don't know how many times—"

"I talked to Mr. and Mrs. Cullen earlier this morning," he says, cutting me off. My lips are sealed and I'm ready for this now. "I told them what I saw. I told them I can't press charges, obviously, that's up to Biers' parents, but I did tell them my daughter is not to be anywhere near—"

"Charlie," mom cuts in when dad starts gritting his teeth. Her soft voice cuts through dad's ire.

"Renee," dad challenges back.

Mom puts her hand over dad's forearm and pulls him back down to earth. "We've raised our daughter to make the right choices," she says slowly, quietly. This conversation isn't meant for my ears, but I'm here and I'm hearing. "She isn't a child—"

"Yes, she is!" dad yells. He stands and pushes his chair back. "She's fifteen, Renee. There are still rules we need to set. There are still boundaries that she needs to respect."

Mom's standing now. She's matching dad's intensity, but instead of anger it's acceptance. "She respects them, Charlie." Mom gestures to me, and I force myself to swallow the sour citrus on my tongue. "We've raised her to know how to make the right choices, Charlie. We've raised her and taught her to say no. We can't keep her from—"

"Like hell I can't," dad yells before he storms out of the kitchen and into the living room.

I'm nervous and scared and my heart is triple beating in my neck and I feel like I can't keep my head from vibrating. This is a conversation they have absolutely had before, many times, while I wasn't around. I've heard my parents argue before, but somehow this one is different.

"Bella," mom says gently, sitting down where dad just was. "I think maybe you should go up to your room while your dad and I talk."

She offers me a sweet smile while I stand. My stick legs are uneasy as I walk past the living room where dad's sitting on the couch quietly. The TV is off and he's stoic. Something in me tells me this argument is more than who lives next door or who their daughter associates with. I feel like this argument roots deeper in my parents' hearts, and my mom's right, I shouldn't be here for this.

I grab my bag from the door and glance at dad before walking up the steps. His eyes are unfocused on the floor. His hands rest on his knees. My dad doesn't see me, and that's the problem. He doesn't trust me, and as much as I want to blame him, I don't. I can't.

~!~

I've been in my room for less than an hour. I'm quiet, but not on purpose. I don't hear loud explosions of words or stomps on the stairs or door slams like I thought maybe I would. Unable to sit cooped up any longer, I grab my doorknob to investigate. The vibration of my ringing phone stops me. I pick it up and see it's Al.

"Hey," I answer.

"Where have you been!" she asks loudly. "You missed everything!"

"What?"

"Jasper is in deep, _deep _shit, B. Didn't your dad tell you? He came over here this morning. I snuck out of my room and down the steps. I didn't want him to know I was here. He told my parents what he saw, and then my dad said he's been talking to Jasper about his options and how they can help him and blah, blah, blah."

"Really? What did my dad say?"

"He said it's ridiculous they let him run around at all hours of the night. He really tore into my parents, Bella." Alice talks quieter, but never accusatory.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. Flames of sorrow and embarrassment lick at my face.

"No, don't be. Someone needed to tell them. I could never, and Edward's too loyal. I knew they were aware, but I don't think they understood how bad it was. Your dad was about to leave, and then Jasper came down the stairs."

"Oh jeez." 

"Yeah, it was bad. Like, really bad. Mom was crying, dad was silent, Jasper was pissed. Your dad was on fire, Bella. He started saying he's going to turn into his mom or worse… his dad. Then Jasper threw his bottle of water at the fridge and stormed outside. I've never seen him like that. Usually he's just—"

"Relaxed—" I say.

"High," she cuts me off.

~!~

When Alice finishes telling me about her night with Jake, we hang up and I lay on my bed. Everything is still as stones, but I feel it vibrate. I feel the early tremors of an earthquake. I feel thickness and unease and sadness. I feel like I want to call Edward or Jasper or Mrs. Cullen. I feel like I really don't want to be alone, but I am. Edward's silence scares me and sends bile dripping down my stomach. I'm tense and troubled and wondering what he could be saying to Jasper to make it right. Or maybe he's not trying to.

Another hour passes and I can't sit in the dark any longer, so I send Edward a text. _Tell me what's going on_.

Edward texts back immediately._ They're talking about sending him away_.

My heart splinters and my eyes prick with tears. A knock on my door pulls be back. When I open it, mom smiles softly.

"You okay?" she asks, concern decorates her soft features.

I nod without thinking.

Mom sits next to me on my bed and I throw my phone between us. "I'm sorry about earlier, honey. Your father's having a hard time understanding that you're not a little girl anymore. I told him if he wants to have a healthy relationship with you, he needs to start acting like it."

I'm quiet for a moment, fidgeting with my fingers. I think about brushing it off like usual, but today I want to endure all. I want to feel everything.

"Why's it so hard for him?" I ask quietly. She thinks the wetness in my eyes is caused by my dad. It is, but not for the reasons she thinks.

Mom pulls me into a hug. I don't succumb right away. When I do, I wrap my arms around her waist and breathe in sweet lilac flowers in the middle of winter. Her chest warms me, and her arms pull me to safety.

"He doesn't want you to make the decisions _we _made growing up. He doesn't want you turning into me… or him."

"Him?" I ask.

"Your dad was a wild child, Bella, more so than I was. He did a lot of… illegal… things. His reputation definitely preceded him." 

"Dad?" I ask, surprised. "Charles Swan?"

"Yes," she laughs, nodding. We sit Indian style, knees touching. "One time he stole old man Brown's pick-up truck, drove over to the Willet's farm, opened a fence, and let out all the cows. That made statewide news! He was known around town as Childish Charlie."

My phone vibrates between us and Edward's name pops up. Mom glances but I grab the phone quickly, hoping she didn't see. "Wow," I declare with a laugh, trying to cover my tracks.

Mom smiles. "That's why when he sees a kiddo making dumb decisions, it really sets him off. What happened with Jasper is more than Charlie ever did, and because you're so close to the boys… and Alice, it scares him."

"Mom—"

"Honey, you don't have to explain to me. I was your age once, you know."

"No, but mom, really. Jasper is like my brother. I promise."

Mom nods in understanding. "And Edward?" she asks lowly.

I swallow thickly. I take too long to answer and she knows. "He's just my best friend's brother." I don't believe it, and I know she doesn't either. Her smile is knowing and warmth and maybe even acceptance but definitely knowing. My mom knows.

"Does Alice know?"

Gears turn in my head and my stomach and my eyes. "Know what?" I ask quickly, tucking hair behind my ears. "He's just Edward, mom." I'm defensive and losing this. I look up at her finally with please-don't-ask-me-anything-else eyes.

Mom smiles in understanding. She stands and walks to the door. Her fingers grip the knob and before she opens it, mom tells me, "when you're ready, please talk to me, baby. I want to be for you what my mom never was for me," and then she's gone.

I have no idea how long I sit on my bed. Denial and nervousness and sweat seeps out of my pores. Our super-secret isn't so super-secret anymore. I'm leaking tears from my eyes from frustration and irritation and wondering why mom isn't as mad as I thought she would be.

I read through the text Edward sent me. _They're calling his mom._

~!~

It's been two weeks since that weekend, and three major things have happened. One, Edward passes his driving test on the first try.

"I did it!" Edward says, storming down the basement steps and picking up Alice from the couch. He sloppy kisses her cheek and steps over to me. "I fucking did it!" he yells, picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder. He spins and spins and then sets me next to Al on the couch. I don't get sloppy cheek kisses right now, but I know I will later.

We're laughing hard and Al fist bumps him. "Nice, now you can drive us to the mall."

"Let's go!" he says, running up the steps to ask his dad for the car keys. I'm still spinning and twirling and high from Edward's excitement.

At the mall, he buys me cinnamon pretzels while Alice and I shop at Victoria's Secret.

_Watchya getting? _he texts as I'm checking.

The cashier places three dainty thongs in the bag and stuffs hot pink tissue paper over them. _You'll see_. I send back immediately.

Two, Edward's dad buys him a car.

"What a hunk of junk," Alice whispers to me. I hear Edward and his dad say something about an older Honda Accord.

"It's safe," his dad says, handing him the keys.

"It's ugly," Alice says, sticking up her nose at the dark gray color.

"It's awesome," Edward exclaims, taking the keys from his dad and exploring his new, old car.

I tune out Mr. Cullen as he starts telling everyone about gray leather seats, moon roofs, and a new stereo system.

"Heated seats?" Edward yells from the driver's side. "No fucking way!"

And then Alice grabs my elbow, pulls me back inside, and down in the basement.

The third thing that happened in the last two weeks?

"Jasper's with Bree now."

"What?" I ask, looking right at her like she's nuts.

"You heard me. I saw her kiss him at his locker. He didn't even stop her."

"He was probably trying to make you jealous or something. I can't imagine Jas with Bree after everything she's said about him." I'm trying to defend him, excuse his behavior, but I know the truth. Edward called me three days ago and told me Jasper's hooking up with Bree but isn't with her, with her.

Alice leans back on the couch and closes her eyes. "Well, it worked!" She doesn't cry, but she doesn't have to. I know my girl's hurt and hardened and hallow inside.

I reach over and entwine her fingers with mine. The squeeze of my palm around her knuckles is you're-not-alone and let-me-in.

It's been fifteen days since Jasper bought anything from Riley, and you can tell. Fifteen long days of door slams and sudden sweats and joint smoking when he's awake. Edward's been spending every moment with him, helping him come down, making him laugh. At school, Jasper's skin is sallow and sweaty and he looks like crap, but I give him you-can-do-it smiles and even wore his favorite band's tee-shirt to school in hopes of brightening his day. Al rolls her eyes but her smile is genuine. Edward winks and not-so-accidentally bumps his hand into the small of my back as he walks past with his friends. Jasper texts me, _Poser_ at lunch and I smile. It's all the energy he has, and it's perfect.

"Jake kissed me last night," Al whispers, bringing me back to the moment. I look at her to continue. "I didn't stop him, Bella. I was so upset from seeing Jasper with _her _that I just fucking did it. I kissed him like I used to kiss Jasper."

"Was it totally disgusting?" I ask, lightening the mood.

Alice takes a moment before opening her eyes and smiling at me. "Actually, it wasn't even that bad. His lips are soft. I wonder what they'd feel like other places…"

"Ew!" I giggle, fake slapping her arm.

"Just wait," she teases. "When you get a boyfriend and he kisses you _down there_, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about."

I smile and tease her more about Jake when I finally ask the question we've both been avoiding since Rose's party. "Do you actually like him though?"

Alice shrugs. "I'm not sure yet. Sometimes I think yes, like when we're walking in the hall and someone drops their books, and he bends over to help pick them up. Or when he texts me in the middle of English class to tell me I look cute. Or when we're at his house and he drops everything to help his dad."

"He can be sweet, I guess," I tell her with a shrug.

"Sometimes," she admits. "But then he does stupid shit that really pisses me off and makes me not like him at all. Like when he jokes around in front of me at lunch about what it was like to fuck Jane. Or when he's with the team and pretends like I don't even exist. Or when he says he'll call me later and never does."

I nod. I get it. I've known that side of Jake for years. "I think maybe he just doesn't want to come off as soft, ya know? He doesn't want to seem lovey-dovey in front of his friends."

"He asked me out this weekend."

"Like, on an actual date?"

"I guess."

"You do realize it's Valentine's Day, right? Is he asking you to be his Valentine, Alice?" I tease lightly.

"Shit," she shouts. "I already said yes!"

I giggle and ask, "where are you guys going?"

"He said something about the diner, a movie, and his house on Saturday. Whatever," she says, dismissing the conversation.

Later that night, at my house, dad asks me if I can stay at Rose's this weekend.

"Why?" I ask suspiciously.

"I'm taking your mother on a little getaway."

I smile at him. Things have been easier since mom's talk. He's been lighter and more jovial. He asks me to play chess with him and we watch sports sometimes. I never want to, but I do anyways. I sit on the end of the couch with homework on my lap and my phone on my homework texting Edward silly things like _I miss your nose _and _when are you going to kiss my pretty pink lips in your car?_ and wait for his messages back like the one time he said _which pretty-pink lips, Bella?_ It took me more than a minute to get it, but when I did, my blush burned so bright and the throb in between my legs pulsed fire red. I went right up to my room to use that special Christmas gift he gave me.

~!~

"I heard dad's taking you somewhere special," I tell mom, sitting at her vanity, spritzing perfume and powdering my face with her makeup as she packs for the weekend.

"Can you believe it?" she asks, gushing about their trip and all the little shops she can't wait to go to.

I smile and nod and laugh when appropriate. I watch as she packs her makeup and hairbrush. Mom asks me to help pick outfits and shoes and I'm more than willing. We giggle and she bumps my hip with hers.

"You sure you'll be okay until Sunday, honey?" she asks, folding her shirts into her suitcase. They're leaving early tomorrow and won't be home until Sunday night.

"I'm sure, mom. You guys have fun. Rose and I are planning to have a Galentine's Day party just the two of us. We're going to watch chick flicks and eat ice cream and order pizza."

"Fun!" mom says loudly, throwing a dazzling smile my way.

Actually, Rose is going out with Sam and I'm going out with Edward, but I'm sure we'll at least eat ice cream at some point this weekend. I feel a little bit guilty lying to my mom, but then she sorts through her underwear drawer and disgust replaces guilt as I wave bye to my laughing mother.

Edward calls me around bedtime. The sound of his voice delights. He whispers about his day and the science test he aced and secret glances we stole at lunch and how much he loved the sweater I wore.

"You're so pretty it makes my stomach hurt," he tells me lowly.

"You're so pretty it makes my throat itch," I whisper back.

"I don't think that's good, B," he jokes.

"Do you like your car?" I ask.

"I fucking love it. I can't believe I have my own set of wheels."

"You can go wherever you want now," I tell him.

"Are you excited for valentine's day this weekend, pretty girl."

"Mhm."

"You gonna be my valentine, Bella?" he asks softly, lightly, lovingly.

"Mhm," I whisper just as softly.

"I was thinking, B…" he starts.

"That's never good," I joke.

He laughs as he says, "your parents will be gone _all_ weekend, baby?"

"Yep."

"Good to know," he tells me lowly.

~!~

On Friday, mom and dad pack the car with their away bags and drop me off at school.

"Be good," dad says.

"Have fun," I tell them both.

"We'll see you Sunday night, honey," mom tells me before I shut the door.

The girls at school wear red and white and pink for Valentine's Day, and Alice wears black denim with a canary yellow sweater.

"You look like the female lead in a Lifetime movie," Alice tells me, flipping the peter pan collar of my red skater dress, and pulling at the edge of my white cardigan.

"Don't be a hater, Al," I tell her, fixing my collar over the softness of my cardigan.

"You're so fucking pretty, Bella," she tells me with a genuine smile. She eyes my soft curls and the pink gloss on my lips.

"So are you, Alice," I tell her gently, my hand on her elbow.

"Wanna be my Valentine?" she asks me, scrunching her nose.

"Okay," I answer, grabbing my books from my locker and slamming my door.

Jake strolls over to Alice with a white daisy. She smiles through an eyeroll as Jake wraps his arm around her shoulders. She doesn't lean into him, and he doesn't expect it. We're engaged in a dramatic story of how Emmett reacted to Rose going out with Sam when Edward walks up behind me and throws his arm over my shoulder, mirroring Jake and Al.

I'm not surprised or taken aback. This isn't the first time he's done this. Sometimes he hooks his arm around my neck, sometimes he pulls me along by my elbow. Alice never really pays attention, and today isn't an exception, except for when Edward says, "Who's _your_ Valentine, B?"

I turn to look at him. His arm around me is friendly and loose. He's joking but maybe this is too far. He's daring in front of his sister, and I wonder if he's ready to tell her.

"I am," Alice says.

"Woah, babe, I thought you were _mine_?" Jake says.

"Bella's always my number one," Alice jokes, winking at me. She shuffles out of Jake's arm and links our fingers together. Alice pulls me from the warmth of Edward's arm as we walk to first period.

"I think Jake really likes you," I tell her, glancing behind me. Jake watches Alice like a dog on a hot day. Edward watches me like he's listening to classical music.

"I know he does," she retorts. "Last night, after practice, he called me to tell me goodnight."

I wait for her to continue. "And?"

She turns to me when we get to her first period class. "He didn't even want to have phone sex. He just wanted to say goodnight."

The rest of the day passes slowly. Rose and Sam kiss at her locker. Jas stands next to Bree at hers. Al let's Jake hold her pinky in the hall. I look around for Edward but can't find him before my next class. I can't wait for lunch.

I stop to talk to my English teacher about a paper due next week. We get caught up in the research portion of it, and now I'm late to lunch. I throw my books on the table and sit at the only seat available, between Jas and Edward. Alice is at the extreme end of the table, and I don't really have anyone else to talk to. Jasper's eyes are lighter and his skin isn't as chewed up and spit out as he looked on Monday. Today he's eating an apple and not looking at Jake who's got his arm on the back of Alice's chair.

"Hey, Jas," I tell him, leaning into his side.

"Sup, B?"

"What's new?" I ask, taking a bite from the granola bar I brought with me.

He sighs and glances at me. I think for a moment he's going to be honest and open and let me in slightly, but then he leans back, pulls me with him, and taps my shoulder. "Same shit, different day."

I look at Edward who smiles knowingly. I'm tired of this keeping me at arms length bullshit, so I scoot my chair to Jasper and start the questions. "Are you really with Bree?"

He's taken aback slightly and I see his eyes shift from mine to Edward's behind me. "Yes," he answers slowly.

"Bullshit," I tell him.

He laughs. "You a tough girl now, B?"

"I'm the girl who knows you like no one else, Jas." My voice is strong but soft. I swallow hard, forcing that ball of emotion down deep. I want to be strong. I want to be hard. I want to be tough.

He nods slightly. "I'm not _with _her Bella. I don't even like that bitch. I'm just hate fucking her." He's honest and I'm thankful.

"Why?"

"Because if I don't, I'm going to fuck him up," Jasper tells me, nodding to Jake.

"Are you doing okay?"

"No."

"Are you using?" I whisper the last part.

"No."

"Does your mom know?"

"Yes."

My eyes grow and he looks at me now. "Who—?"

"My parents," Edward whispers from behind me.

I nod and grab Jasper's wrist. "What happened?"

He shakes his head and runs his fingers through his long blonde hair. I smile knowing full well it's a habit from Edward. Just as Jas opens his mouth, Bree walks over and falls into his lap.

"Can you keep your nasty hands off my guy?" Bree tells me.

I roll my eyes. "If mine are nasty, yours are infected."

Edward laughs loudly and claps behind me. Even Jasper throws in a chuckle. Bree's face falls and she digs deep for her next blow.

"At least I'm not a third fucking wheel wherever I go," she tells me smugly. Her arms are over her chest in confidence.

I roll my eyes. "You're _not_?" I ask.

"Let's see," she starts, "Rose is with Sam, Angela is with Ben, Alice is with Jake, I'm with Jasper, and you, Bella, are a lonely, ugly virgin that nobody wants."

"Hey—" Jas starts, sitting up and pushing Bree off, but before he can finish, Edward interrupts.

"She's with me," Edward tells her simply. I feel Edward's warmth as it snakes around my waist and pulls me to him. My heart beats on my skin and as I turn, the entire table is quiet. Rose looks surprised, Angela looks bored, and Alice looks pissed. She stands with her eyes on me, then Edward's arm around me, then Bree standing in front of me.

"You bitch," she whispers as tears prick my eyes. Edward's pulling me tighter to him, but he's still relaxed. His arms are I'll-catch-you safe.

"Alice, I can—" I start, but Alice's focus isn't on me.

"You dirty fucking whore," Alice seethes.

Jasper backs away and Edward stands, pulling me with him. Alice balls her fists at her sides and cuts Bree with her words.

"Nobody wants you here. Fuck off back to your cackle of cocksuckers."

Rose laughs hard and Angela snickers.

"You're just pissed that I fuck him better than you did," Bree spits.

Edward steps in, sensing an escalation. The lunch room isn't totally silent, but the tables around us are. The two lunch chaperones don't seem too worried. Edward's facing Alice, talking her down.

"Let's get out of here," he tells her. "C'mon, we can go smoke in my car." She's not saying anything, and he glances at me for help.

I step in right away. "Let's go, Al." I grab her fingers, entwine ours together like she did earlier, and pull her with me.

No one says anything until we get to the car. We both sit in the back, and I pull her to me. Edward drives and drives until he reaches our neighborhood.

"Home?" I ask.

"I want to show you guys something," he says softly. "Our parents aren't home, so no one will see, but can you grab some blankets, B? And you'll need some boots."

I nod and spring to my door. I grab a bunch of blankets, change into my boots, and meet them back outside. Edward takes the blankets as I take Alice's hand. Her cheeks are red, but I'm not sure if it's from her earlier anger or the chill in the air. We walk for twenty minutes in silence through the half-frozen forest floor until we get to a clearing.

"When the weather is nice, this place fills with wildflowers and greenery," Edward tells us, looking at me.

"When did you find this?" I ask.

"The spring after we moved here," he says with a shrug. "This was my escape."

Edward spreads out the blankets and I'm thankful today is a milder winter day. He lights up immediately and hands it to Alice. She smokes half before passing it to me. Edward glances at me.

"Should I?" I ask.

"It's clean," he says, leaving the decision up to me.

I pull and release three times before handing it to Edward whose eyes are glued to my black nylon covered thighs. Alice lays on her back, and I lay next to her.

"Can you believe that cunt?" she says. "She has the nerve to walk over and taunt me at my table, and then she talks shit on my girl? She's lucky I didn't rip her to shreds."

No one says anything for a few minutes. Alice takes a few more hits before saying, "thanks for standing up for Bella, Edward."

If Edward wants to tell her, now's the time. I glance at him who looks at me through heavy lids as he pulls a very long hit. He hands it to me. My world spins from the weed and from the afternoon, so I pass it to Alice.

"No one talks about _our_ girl like that, right Al?" he says softly.

She nods, but I notice her head swims with words said by Bree and not Edward.

"Did she fuck him?" Alice asks.

We don't answer.

"Did she fuck him!" Alice yells this time.

"Yeah," Edward answers honestly.

I think she wants to cry and scream and beat someone up, but Alice sits and suffers and vibrates with intensity. I turn and hug her into my body, but Alice doesn't succumb.

"I never did," she whispers after a moment. "I never had sex with him."

"You didn't?" I ask. Alice never outright told me she slept with Jas, but I always just assumed.

"When I was ready to, he was always high," she responds honestly.

We lay in silence for a while. Dark brown limbs grown from tree trunks rustle in the wind. The earthy aroma floats around us. I'm on my back and February dampness from the ground soaks through my blankets and onto my bottom.

"I'm so wet," I tell them.

Edward barks out a laugh. "Geez, Bella, all you had to say was you're horny," Edward jokes and Alice rolls over to face me in gigantic laughter. She howls and screams through idiotic, ridiculous amusement. I'm smiling and tickling her sides and loving the sound.

"Me too," Al says. "I'm getting wet now." She stands and her eyes are so high-hooded it looks like she's squinting at me. As she stands, she stretch-yawns loudly.

Edward and I collect the blankets as Alice leads us back to the house. She's slow moving and giggling the entire time.

"Can I come over?" he asks me quietly. I glance to Alice. "She'll be passed out soon. She gets high and sleeps. That's what Alice is like when she's stoned."

"What are you like?" I ask.

"Happy."

I smile and nod. He definitely is. "What am I like?"

"Horny."

"Is that why you want to come over?"

"Maybe," he teases with a wink.

"I'll leave the front door unlocked," I whisper as we separate at our property line.

When I walk in my house, the clock reads just before three in the afternoon. We were outside for longer than I thought, and I rub my hands together for warmth. I'm not sure how long Edward will be, so I run up my steps to change quickly. I'm out of my old clothes and into some leggings and a tee shirt faster than ever.

I straighten up my room, the kitchen, and the living room, and Edward still hasn't shown up. I shrug and relax on the couch, remote in my hand, flipping through the channels. Alice must not be as sleepy as he thinks she is.

Alice.

The obvious pain in her heart puts a slight frown on my face. She loves Jasper even if she claims she doesn't, but Alice is smart, and thoughtful, and awake. Jasper is devious, and manipulative, and warm. His lies spread over all of us, and we believe him. Alice believes him when he says, "I'm good, Al." I believe him when he says, "don't worry about me, B." Edward believes him when he says, "I'm clean, man. I promise."

"Penny for your thoughts," Edward says, leaning against the entrance of the living room.

I smile at him as he walks over to the couch and plops next to me. His arm is around my neck and his lips are on my cheek and his cologne fogs my brain. "I didn't hear you come in," I tell him.

"You were in your thoughts. I didn't want to interrupt."

I shake my head and lean against him. Edward is easy and free and honest. "I love your eyelashes and the way you walk," I whisper.

"I love your fingertips and the curve of your elbow," he tells me, rubbing my shoulder.

"I love the way you look at me when everyone's around."

"I love your tiny toes and the curve of your back, and the smell of your hair."

"I love you, Edward."

~!~

It's an hour later and we're eating apples and honey in the kitchen.

"What time do you need to be at Rosalie's?" Edward asks.

I shrug. "I don't think it matters. Why?"

"Just wondering, Pretty B."

A drip of honey falls onto my chin before it makes it to my mouth. Before I can lick it away, Edward's thumb reaches over and wipes it off. He pulls it back, looks at me, and sucks the pad of his thumb into his mouth.

"You taste sweet, Bella," he says intensely.

I laugh gently and blush. "It's the honey that's sweet, Edward."

We finish the apples in silence, but the intensity lingers. Edward and I have never been alone in a house for as long as we have this weekend, and I'm kind of nervous-happy. Bees buzz happily in my chest. Edward reaches over to twist my hair in his fingers and I push them away.

"You're getting your sticky fingers all over me, Edward," I tease.

He smirks and dips his index on the plate of honey and dots it on my hand. He stands and pulls me up. My hand is in his palm, he brings it to his lips, and sucks it off. His eyes on mine light a fire under my skin and I'm backing away into the counter top as he walks forward. Edward grabs the plate, dips his finger, and swipes it along my neck. I bend my neck, stretching it out as he licks from top to bottom, grabbing my skin between his lips and sucking hard before releasing.

I'm breathy now and my right hand lifts to trace wetness from where his lips just were. Edward smirks and lifts my top so my belly shows. He dots sticky marks on my belly and licks them all away. His tongue licks from the top of my leggings to my belly button and I giggle. Blue-greens bore into mine as he lifts my shirt further, exposing my bra. I lift it off all the way. Edward pulls my bra down and my breasts pop out. He stares before circling my nipples with a thick coat of honey.

I throw my head back against the cabinets before I even feel his tongue on me. Suddenly, moist heat licks at my nipples and my chest juts forward. I moan loudly and push his head into my chest. I feel his tongue lick slow and hard until his lips pluck and his teeth nip. He switches attention to my other nipple, and by the time I'm clean, my leggings are wet. Edward stands, kisses me softly, pulls my knees apart, hooks his hands behind them, and pulls me to the edge. The counter is higher than his hips, and I wish I could push myself against him, so I jump off and turn. Before he can protest, I grind my bottom into his hard-on and lean my top half against the counter.

"Edward," I whine.

"Hmm," he responds, pushing into me hard. Lack of space between my hips and the counter shoves me forward.

"I want you," I whisper.

Before he has time to answer, there's a knock at my door. My heart flusters and falls in confusion. Who would be knocking? Edward groans, backs away, and pushes against the obvious tent in his jeans. I adjust my top half before tip-toeing to the door and peeking out.

"Put your dick away and open the—"

"Shhh," I whisper-yell, ushering Jasper inside. "Alice will hear!"

"Sorry, B, thought Edward would answer the door."

"What's up?" Edward asks, walking through my house like it's natural. He stands behind me and pulls me against him.

"Today was a fucking shit show," Jas announces, falling against my couch, leaning back.

"Yeah," Edward agrees, joining him.

I groan and slump myself in the recliner. Three minutes ago I was about ready to pull my pants down and let Edward take my virginity against the same counter mom cooks dinner on. I shake my head and listen to Jasper.

"After lunch Bree tried to get me to the back of the library," he says.

"Why?" I ask.

"That's the place, B," Jas says easily.

"Spot for what?" I ask, confused.

Jasper laughs and looks at me like I should know. "You never told her?"

"Told me what!"

Edward shakes his head. "She doesn't need to know"

"Tell me," I announce.

Jas looks to Edward who shakes his head.

"Tell me!"

Edward's eyes close but he's silent.

"Jasper, tell me."

"It's where everyone goes to fuck at school, Bella," Edward says in annoyance. "When the bell is on the door handle, it means the room is occupied."

"Do you go there?" I ask.

"No," he says, and then he looks at me. "Not yet."

I blush because I get it. I nod and Jas says, "ew."

"What'd Bree say about… everything?" I ask.

"She's pissed. I tried talking her down, but it didn't work. Tell Al to watch her back, okay?"

"Why don't you just stop hanging with Bree? She's a bitch anyways," I announce.

"Am I just supposed to sit around and watch Alice move on, Bella?" Jas says irritably.

"She hasn't moved on," I tell him softly. "Not yet anyway."

Jasper catches my gaze and he nods in understanding. _Clean up_ I want to tell him _knock your shit off_ I want to scream and almost do before Jas elbows Edward and says, "you're going to take Bella to the back room?"

Edward laughs and says, "fuck yeah," before changing the subject to basketball.

~!~

Jasper doesn't leave until after four which leaves me and Edward with limited time to do anything before he has to drop me off at Rose's.

"Five o'clock," I remind him, getting off the recliner and sitting on his lap, my knees on either side of his hips.

"You packed?" he asks, moving us so he's laying on the couch and I'm on top.

"Yes," I whisper, kissing his lips softly. I press myself against him and moan gently. "Will I ever get sick of this?" I ask softly. My eyes are closed, my hands rest on his chest, and my hips grind heavily.

"I fucking hope not," he tells me thickly, gripping me to help move.

"You just feel so good," I whisper, losing myself in the feeling of his thick denim against the very thin cotton of my leggings pressing against my wet center.

"It's gets so much better, B, trust me."

I open my eyes and look down at him. His eyes are dark and lustful. His lips are wet and open. His chest rises faster every time my hips grind back and forth.

"Will it hurt?" I ask.

"Probably," he tells me honestly. "I'm not small, Bella, but I'll make it feel as good as I can, okay?"

I nod. "Right now?" I ask.

He grunts and thrusts into me. He wraps an arm around me hips and flips us so I'm on my back and he's above me, unbuttoning and pushing his jeans down. "Right now?" he asks, pushing his jeans down and pressing against me. I swallow thickly and nod. I don't know now. I want it, but right now? Am I ready? Are _we _ready?

He thrusts against me, pushing me forward.

"I love you, Bella," he whispers, leaning to kiss me. I meet his lips. "I'm not going to fuck you on your couch, but I am going to make you come."

He sits up, pulls my leggings down, spreads my legs as much as possible on the couch, and touches my center until I'm panting.

"You're so fucking wet," he tells me. I whimper at his words. His eyes flick to mine and he smirks. "You have the prettiest pussy," he tells me, watching me watch him.

My back arches and I groan a very loud. Edward knows exactly what to do, what to say.

I come against his fingers as they work in and out. My moans are loud and forceful as they echo around the quiet, darkening house.

Edward leans forward and kisses me. "Think about this the next time you watch a little girly movie with your mom, Bella. Think about the way I made you come on this couch."

He leans back and scratches his head. I find my leggings, pull them up, and sit between his legs. He's hard and firm when I take him out of his boxers. Edward doesn't stop me. He leans back and watches intently.

I grip and tug but his face contorts a little in a less pleasurable way.

"What?" I ask, halting my movement.

"It's dry. I need lube," he admits.

"I don't—"

"Spit on it," he interrupts.

I look at him funny but lean over and let whatever moisture I have in my mouth drip onto the head. He hums and scoots lower, bringing his dick closer to me.

I spread it around the head and it's easier to move my hand up and down. I smile when his mouth hangs slightly. I grip firmer and give him my spit when it dries up again.

"Twist your hand when you move it," he tells me. I try but it feels weird, so he wraps his hand around mine and tells me, "like this, Bella. Oh shit, yeah, like that." And then he's closing his eyes and leaning his head back.

I'm going faster and faster and firmer. I watch as his balls bounce as I move my hand over him. I wonder what they feel like or if they'd give him pleasure if I touched them. I've heard from some conversations at the lunch table how sensitive they can be, so when I reach down with my left hand to grab them, I cup them gently in my palm. Edward's eyes fly open.

"Oh, fuck," he whispers.

I love his half-hooded, horny eyes as they watch me. I continue to move my hands, gripping his shaft harder, and pulling gently on his balls.

"I'm coming," he tells me. "Keep going."

His moans are loud and rough as the first rope of his come shoots out and lands on my hands. I watch with rapt attention and I know that next time I do this, I want to put him in my mouth.

"Jesus, Bella, where'd you learn that?" he asks after his come down.

I shrug with modesty. "I might have heard Em talking about it a few months ago."

He laughs. "Remind me to thank his dirty ass."

~!~

Edward drops me off and Rose invites him in. We eat pizza and watch a movie. His arm is around me on the couch, and this feels so nice. Rose smiles and winks when he kisses my temple and holds my hand.

Edward leaves around nine when Emmett texts him. "I'll text you," he says, kissing me gently over and over and over. His lips are whispers of love and trust. I walk him outside to his car and the cold, nighttime wind moves around us.

"Okay," I tell him. Before he turns to open his car door, I pull his arm and he turns. "Remember earlier, on the couch?" I ask with a blush.

"Yeah, B," he laughs.

"Next time I want to…"

"Want to what?" I have his attention. He's turned and his eyes are space black on mine.

"Next time I want you to do that in my mouth." Then I kiss him and run back into Rose's house


	18. Chapter 18

Rose and I spend the rest of the night eating ice cream and popcorn and Swedish fish. We watch 27 Dresses before Rose schools me on the art of blowjobs.

"Honestly, Bella, if you just suck it and move your hand up and down while looking at him, he'll blow his load in minutes which is good because it can get tiring after a while," Rose says easily, pulling her leggings up, getting ready for bed.

I'm sitting on the bed, hugging a pillow, thinking about what Edward would do if I did that. Would he want me to? Would he let me? Sometimes, after we go farther than we ever have before, he backs off and won't touch me for a while. He tells me he can't control himself. He tells me he's going to go too far.

I have a million more questions, but I think I just want to figure it out for myself, so I switch the subject.

"Where's Sam taking you tomorrow?" I ask, laying back.

Rose leans back with me and shrugs. "To the diner. Ice skating. Movies. Hopefully the backseat of his car. Where are you and Edward going? You can't exactly go out around here, right?"

I shake my head. "I'm not sure, honestly."

We're quiet for another minute before she asks a very valid question. "When are you going to tell Alice?"

I purse my lips and breathe deeply. "I have no freaking idea."

~!~

The next morning, over Eggos and chocolate milk, Edward texts to tell me he'll be at Rose's at 2 pm.

_Where are we going? _I ask.

_It's a surprise, Valentine._

My heart sings and my smile shines and the butterflies in my belly stretch their wings. I put my phone down and spend the morning working with Rose on a paper for science. I'm almost done, and she's only written her introduction, when she slams her laptop shut with a "fuck this" and pulls me to her room where we shower and blast music and dance around in a towel. Her mom knocks to tell us goodbye as she heads off with her boyfriend. When we hear her mom's car reverse, Rose turns to me with mischievous eyes and a brow cocked.

"What?" I ask slowly.

"Let's get you ready!"

Rose does a good job of making me look like me, just much more enhanced. She blow dries my hair and sets it with large velcro rollers for volume. She brushes my face with dusty pigments and wet gloss on my lips. When she's done and I peek, I'm baffled. I love makeup, and I'm pretty good at it, but this is something else.

"Dang, Rose," I tell her, glancing at the shimmer on my lids and cheek bones and the pink tinge of my cheeks. My lashes are black and curly and flirty.

She laughs while tossing clothes on her bed. I try on dresses and skirts and tight pants before we agree on blue skinny jeans, a light pink sweater, and a pair of flats.

I turn around in her mirror and smile. Simple, classic, me.

It's just before one and Edward's knocking on the door. A few minutes prior, Edward texts me _I love you, baby B _and my heart climbs out of my chest to kiss my lips. Today is the day. I have never been happier.

"Bella," he says softly, brushing my shiny hair behind my ear. "Baby," he smiles.

"Yeah?" I'm bashful and nervous and suddenly unsure.

Edward's emerald eyes pierce and stalk as they fall to the gloss on my lips, and the freckle on my neck, and then the swell of my hips in these jeans. His smile is lazy, but his eyes are clear. Edward is sober and almost as happy as I am. I tell Rose I'll be back tomorrow afternoon before my parents pick me up and then grab Edward's waiting hand as he leads me to his car.

Edward opens my door and kisses my forehead as I climb into the front seat. I don't ask where we're going, and he doesn't tell me. When we merge onto the highway, Edward grips my knee and looks at me.

"This is it, B," he tells me. "All this time that we've waited," he grabs my hand and pulls it to his mouth, "all the secret kisses, all the private feelings, all the nights we spent alone in my room, it all lead up to this moment."

I smile and nod and blush and implode. If my heart beats any more erratically, this night's going to end in a hospital room and not my bedroom like I plan.

"Al left with Jake," Edward tells me easily. "He's an alright kid."

"Kid? He's your age."

He shrugs. "Doesn't feel like it."

I nod because I understand. Edward is so ahead of his peers academically, emotionally, and maturity wise.

"He wore a shirt and tie. Alice made fun of him. I told her to shut up."

"Sounds like Alice," I admit with a giggle.

"He brought her flowers and a stuffed animal. He shook my dad's hand. I think he really fucking likes her."

"I think she likes him too, Edward."

He nods as he turns up the radio. I wonder if he's thinking about how this breaks Jasper. I know I do, but then I think about how Jasper broke Alice.

~!~

We're in Port Angeles walking around town, hand in hand, perusing old bookstores and antique stores. We find the Kama Sutra and giggle through various pages.

"What about this?" I joke, pointing to The Candle.

"Fun," he tells me with a wink.

"You've done it?" I ask.

"Shower," he responds with a nod.

I squint and flip to another page. "What about the… Waterfall?"

"Oh yeah," he says lowly. "That's a real good one."

"Slope?"

"Oh, come on, B. Find a crazy one."

He's teasing but I'm jealous. All these girls and all these years of experience and now he's with a me and I've barely made it one lap into the race. I glance at him. His eyes are bright and loving and lusty. His pace might have been much faster than mine to begin, but he's slowed down enough to run at my pace, so I smile to myself and flip the pages again.

"Snow Angel?" I ask, smirking because it looks so stupid.

Relief overwhelms me when Edward laughs, too. "No," he explains, "not that one."

Edward scoots closer, if possible, and puts his hand on my lower back. "Show me one you want to try," he whispers.

I look up and expect to see a smirk or a teasing glance or anything but serious, but he is; he's serious and I'm getting turned on because he actually wants to know what I want to try with him. So, I take my time and flip through and imagine us in those positions. Breaths escape heavier, and when I linger on certain positions, Edward grunts or very quietly offers an "mmm" as I turn to the next page.

After a while, I settle on one and tell him, "this one."

"Yeah?" he asks seriously, looking at the position called The Captain.

"Yeah."

~!~

We talk about my mom's art work and Alice's attitude over dinner. I laugh louder than expected when he tells me about the time Alice used Nair instead of shampoo.

"No shit," Edward says. "My mom had to cut Al's hair short because the ends got burned off."

By now, I'm laughing so hard he's blurry from happy tears. I catch myself, trying to quiet down, but Edward looks at me with tenderness and tells me, "no one knows us here, B," and my smile is wide and soft and excited, and so I laugh louder.

~!~

It's cold, but warmer than it has been, so when Edward asks to walk around downtown, I agree. We pass by married couples, new couples, young couples, and old couples as they dine and celebrate love. Edward grabs my hand as we round the corner and follow the soft sounds of a guitar falling out of an open door of a local bar. We're too young to go in, but we stand outside and listen to the music.

"Your hair looks nice," he tells me as I lean against the brick wall behind us. He's in front of me with a smirk and his fingertips play with the ends of my hair.

"Rose put it in rollers," I tell him.

"Hm," he responds, moving his fingers from my hair to my exposed collar bone. "I like your sweater, too."

"Rose let me borrow it," I admit with a shrug. Its big up top so my the sweater slides down and my shoulder pops out.

Edward fingers my bra strap. "Black," he states.

I bite my lip. He pulls it slightly, letting it go with snap. It's dark, but I know his eyes are zeroed in on my hardening nipples. The unpadded lace does nothing to hide my excitement.

Edward surprises me as his lips crash into mine. My hands find his hips while one of his is on the wall behind me and the other grips my waist. Slow but powerful, his lips love mine. This kiss says _everyone can see_. This kiss is hungry.

When he pulls back, my lips are swollen and parted and my eyes are still closed.

"You ready?" he asks, grabbing my hand and pulling me from the wall.

"Mhm." And I definitely am.

~!~

On the ride home, Edward palms my inner thigh. His pinky finger is very, very close to the seem of my jeans, and when I shift my hips and slouch down, it rubs right where I'm hottest. I try to bite back a loud breath, but I can't as I feel his pinky press against my center once, twice, three times.

I close my eyes and lean back and love the feeling of his finger against me. It's not enough to get me off, but when he begins moving up and down in slow, short rubs, I breathe out a slow, steady sigh.

Too soon, he pulls his fingers away and I glance at him.

"If I start that now, I'm going to pull off into a ditch and finish it. That's not what I have planned for us tonight."

"What do you have planned, Edward?" I tease.

He glances at me with gentleness. "To love you."

"Oh," I say softly, obviously not expecting such a loving response after a heated petting session.

"And to taste every centimeter of skin on your body."

"Oh," I say again, breathily this time.

He grins knowing full well what his words do to me. I smile back because I can't wait.

We pull off the highway and back onto the empty streets of Forks.

"I'll park in my driveway," he tells me. "Alice won't be home yet. She won't see us. My parents went to dinner."

I nod. We're back home in forks where our secret isn't safe. Although we both know Alice is with Jake, I still shut my door softly. I still run across to my house. I still quietly and quickly open my front door and shut it so quietly when Edward power walks inside.

"We made it," he jokes.

I pull the curtains shut and turn the TV on.

"Actually," Edward starts, "let's go upstairs?" He's nervous and my heart beats in my throat again.

"Okay," I tell him, shutting off the TV, following him upstairs to my bedroom. He turns on my lamp, closes my curtains, and turns to look at me.

"What?" I ask after a few moments. He looks at me a lot, but tonight I'm self-conscious. I cross my arms over my chest and look away.

"You're so pretty, Bella."

"You're one to talk," I tell him, loosening my arms over my chest as he walks over to me.

"No, Bella, really. I've never met anyone like you."

I roll my eyes. "Edward, you're sixteen. You have, like, your whole life still. You haven't even met—"

"Shut up," he tells me with frustration.

"What?"

"Stop talking. Listen to me. When I say you're so fucking pretty it hurts, I don't just mean your looks, Bella. I mean, yeah, you're fucking hot, but your heart, your insides, they're so fucking pure. So good. You're caring and loving and selfless. At lunch you make sure everyone has what they need before you can relax. When Jas comes home all fucked up, your eyes are on him all night to make sure he doesn't fucking OD or something. When your dumb classmates are making fun of Mr. Miller's nose, the meanest teacher at Forks High, you stand up for him. When Jas breaks Al's heart, you squeeze her so hard your fingers turn white trying to distract her from the pain in her heart. You are the sweetest, gentlest, purest girl I've ever met, Bella, and I can't believe I'm corrupting you."

He steps closer and closer and looks at my neck when he tells me things that have been weighing him down. Hot, nervous breath touches my neck.

"Thank you, Edward, but you're not corrupting me," I tell him with annoyance. It's the same conversation over and over that always ends in Edward feeling like crap and not touching me for weeks.

"Tonight I am," he tells me gently as he strips my sweater off. His fingers grip my hips and backs me up to my bed. The back of my knees press against the mattress. "I've been reserved with you, Bella. Tonight I'm not."

Before I can even form words, he unbuttons my jeans and pulls them down. His eyes land on the black lace barely covering my center. Edward reaches around and grips my bottom roughly. He massages my cheeks with his fingers and when he slaps my right cheek, I screech a laugh. He chuckles too before he tells me to take off my jeans. I do and he pushes me back. Edward strips his shirt and pants off before kissing up my body.

"I love this freckle," he mumbles, kissing a small brown circle to the left of my belly button. He's up at my neck now, and when he scrapes his teeth against the delicate skin of my neck, I gasp and arch my back. He groans approval in my ear before stealing my lips in a kiss.

He rests his body on his left forearm and tickles his fingers across my soft, bare belly as his lips pluck at mine gently. I'm so beyond horny, so I wrap myself around his neck and give him more. He chuckles against my mouth. My eagerness spurs him on as his hand finds my breast through the lacy bra. He grips and pulls and tweaks before grabbing the cup and pulling down so hard that delicate lace rips.

My breast bounces and Edward's lips leave mine and attach to my nipple. I watch him and am infinitely more turned on. His eyes are hungry and his dick is hard against my thigh. I try to reach and rub, but he stops totally.

Edward's on his knees, his erection protrudes ridiculously from his boxer briefs. Fingers grip the sides of my undies and shimmy down slowly. Green eyes meet mine. This isn't the first time Edward's seen me, but tonight feels different.

He lays back down, head supported by his left hand as his right cups my center. His palm is warm and wet from my excitement. I can smell myself and the second I close my eyes, Edward spreads my lips and waits. I count to seven before I look at him and when I do, Edward presses one small, tight circle around my clit and my hips shift higher. He does it twice more before stopping again.

My breaths come in short and sharp. I'm turned on and pissed off that he's messing around when I so clearly need it. The second I open my mouth to protest, he takes a finger and drags it slowly up and down my slit.

"Oh, god," I gasp, spreading my legs wider as he does it over and over. He dips his finger in me and keeps it there, pressing down and I feel so full that I gasp again.

Just as I thought we were getting somewhere, Edward pulls back quickly and when I open my eyes, Edward has his finger in his mouth and his eyes on mine. I suck in a breath as his eyes close. I can see the hollows of his cheeks as he tastes me against the sensitive pad of his pointer.

He's moving before his eyes are even open. He's between my legs, face inches from my center, and when he pulls my hips upward, scooting my bottom closer, I can feel his breath down there. My legs are thrown over his shoulders, his arms are around my thighs and hips as he pulls the mound above my center up from the top exposing me deliciously.

His eyes smolder green, and I can't look away. He flattens his tongue and swipes from top to bottom slowly, testing me. Each time his tongue tickles my clit, my hips shake, and I cry out. He licks once, slower than before, and as he reaches my clit, his tongue strikes rapidly.

I fall back, unable to keep looking, and grip the sheets.

"Oh my god," I cry out.

Edward tastes me forever. His tongue spreads me. His left hand reaches up to squeeze my nipple, and my hand finds the abandoned one. I feel so much. I feel too much. My free hand tangles in Edward's gelled locks. My teeth are clenched. I'm so close, but I'm not there. This sensation is so different. It's too much. I feel like crying as his tongue flicks and flicks and his fingers grip and pluck.

"Edward, yes," I moan, arching and mewling and gripping. "Edward, I—" and then his right hand spreads my lips and his tongue pistons inside of me. "Edward!" I yell. He pulls back, looks up, and attaches his lips to my clit. I'm there. I'm falling. My eyes are squeezed so tight I see white. I'm off the bed. I'm starfished. My knees squeeze his head. His hands grab my thighs to spread and fight against me. He milks me with slow, soft, gentle kisses where I'm over heightened and so sensitive.

My center pulses and races and I'm so lightheaded.

Edward kisses so gently I don't even feel him, so I let him and when I'm not so sensitive, he does it again. And Again.

~!~

It's hours later, and I'm laying on Edward's chest. We're silent as I enjoy the steady thump of his heartbeat, the reason I smile, the lifeline of my lover.

My room smells like heat and _me_.

His fingers gently brush my hair and rub my back and whisper love through my skin. I feel it sink into my veins and mix with my blood and spread to every organ and artery and cell in my body.

Edward consumes me, and I wonder if this is what Alice felt with Jasper or Rose feels with Sam.

A little while later, I break our silence. "Where'd you learn all that, Edward?"

He stops, fingers tangled in my tresses, and pulls my hair down so I'm looking at him. Instead of answering, he kisses my nose and the sides of lips. His lips tease mine and I smile against him. When he finally decides I can have them, I take the lead. My lips tease and play and bite. I run my hand down his bare his chest to the tent in his boxers, and this is it.

Just like he did, I climb between his legs. I pull his boxers down past his hips and out pops his erection. I grip and spit like he taught me. His eyes are on me and I wonder if he remembers what I said yesterday. Of course he remembers; he's a sixteen-year-old boy.

Edward's eyes are horny-hazy and half lidded. Tonight, I'm his drug and he's high off me. His lips part and I watch the pink of his tongue, the same tongue that's been tasting me _all _night, lick those pretty, pouty lips.

I'm done teasing. I want to taste him, so I bend down, too scared to glance at him, and run my tongue from base to tip.

Edward grunts and his muscles tighten, and his hips jerk ever so slightly. He's holding back. I do it again and again and giggle when he lets out a strangled, "fuuuck."

Emboldened, my fist wraps around the base, and my lips kiss the head. His hips jerk and the head hits against my lips. He's grunting and breathing heavily, and his hand wraps around my forearm for support.

I wrap my lips all the way around the head and my tongue circles. He's salty and hot and just so _Edward_. His resolve crumples when I take him further into my mouth.

"Yes," he hisses.

I wet his shaft, remove my hand from the base, and do as Rose instructed: suck it and look at him. My cheeks are hallowed, I have about half in before he's at the back of my throat, and as I cough, Edward chokes out a, "Jesus Fuck."

His eyes never leave my lips, but mine close as I grip the base again and slurp up and down. I twirl my tongue and twist my head and when Edward grips my hair I do it faster.

"I'm coming, fuck, move Bella," he warns.

But I don't because I want this. His hips jerk and his thighs are tense. With a taught stomach, he sits up slightly, gripping my hair, trying to pull me away, but the faster I go the looser his hand is and then everything swells so much I almost choke and then I definitely do because warm liquid shoots quite literally down my throat. His cock pulses hard, but I'm sucking more and more and then he pushes me off and his cock bounces out of my swollen lips and slaps against his stomach. I swallow everything he gives me, and it wasn't as nasty as Rose led me to believe, but maybe that's because it's _Edward's_.

"Holy shit," he breathes.

"Was that okay?" I'm self-conscious suddenly.

He chuckles, catching his breath. "Yeah," he says, pulling me down. "Yeah it was okay."

A little while later, we're back to where we started. My head on his chest, his fingers in my hair.

"Hey, B?"

"Hm?" I answer sleepily.

"Remember the first day I met you and you thought jizz was a snack?"

I play slap his arm. "Shut it!"

He's laughing and laughing as I slap his chest. "Did you like your snack, Pretty?"

~!~

The next morning, Edward and I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. I scramble to my desk and see it's Alice.

"Hello?" I answer.

"What's up, Hoe?" she asks with a giggle.

"What's up with you? Why are you calling so early?"

"It's almost noon, Bella! How late did you and Rose stay up last night?"

My eyes bug and pull my phone to check the time. It's 11:51 am and I scurry around to gather my clothes.

"I guess later than we thought. What are you up to?" I ask. It's my room and I can pick whatever I want to wear, but I'm so crazed that I throw on the jeans and sweater I wore last night. I mouth "get up" to Edward who's already sitting at the edge of my bed.

"Mom and I went to the store. Do you want to come over later and make cookies?"

I stop everything.

"You want to _bake_? Who are you and what have you done with Alice?"

She laughs. "I don't know, I just feel like it."

"I'll ask when my parents pick me up. Can I text you later?"

"Okay talk to you later," she says before whispering, "I have so much to tell you!" and hanging up.

"It's almost noon, Edward. Your mom and sister are at the store. Hurry so we can leave before they get back!" I throw his sweater at him as he pulls his jeans up.

We sneak out of my house quietly and cross our yards to his car.

Edward has one hand on my lower back and his wet lips on my cheek as he pulls the passenger door open for me when we hear, "Hey, kiddo, do you want to go with me to—" and then his dad stops abruptly as he turns to see his son's lips on his daughter's best friend's cheek.

My heart beats so fast I can't breathe. Tears well in my eyes. Everything we've done to keep our secret. Everything we've done to protect ourselves, Jasper, Alice…

Edward blows a slow, heavy breath from his lips. It sounds like relief, but I can't be sure.

"Dad," Edward says slowly.

His dad breathes in and out steadily. He's a statue on the porch but his eyes survey our lack of movement. He's looking for any crack in our resolve. Edward takes my hand in his, showing his dad what this is. What we are. What we have been.

Mr. Cullen sighs and takes the steps down from the porch slowly to stands in front of us. I can't read his thoughts and his face gives nothing away. I'm shaking inside and out. He senses this. Mr. Cullen purses his lips and nods slowly. He puts his right hand on Edward's shoulder and squeezes my upper arm with his other.

"I take it Alice doesn't know?" he says with a gentleness I'd only expect from him.

"No one does," Edward says.

"How long?" Mr. Cullen asks.

"Since we moved here," Edward blows an honest, relieved answer.

Mr. Cullen nods again. He's silent but his eyes say _do you know what you're doing? _and _you've put me in a tough spot_ and _I'm not surprised_.

"You better get going then. Esme and Alice will be home soon." Mr. Cullen offers the smallest smile.

"Are you going to…" I start with a nervous, shaky breath.

"No," he says, shaking his head, "but I will have to tell Esme."

"What about my parents?" This time, I'm fear stricken. "If you tell them I won't be able to—"

Edward wraps his arm around my shoulder and kisses my temple. Tears that have been burning the back of my throat fall from my eyes and mouth in gasps of enormous relief and torrential fear that someone knows.

"No," he says definitely, "No. I promise it'll be up to you when you tell everyone, but we'll have to set some boundaries at _our_ house."

Edward and I both nod as we quickly get in his car. Not much is said on the ride to Rose's. I don't cry, but I want to.

Edward can sense this as he grabs my hand and squeezes.

"Of all the people, he's the one we'd want to know first," Edward says, trying his best to calm my fervent emotions.

I nod subconsciously. Is he the first domino to fall? Am I glad this happened?

What if it had been Alice? Or my mom? Or worse, my dad? What would we have done? What if Mr. Cullen decides to tell my parents? They'll never let me see Edward or Alice again. He promised, though. He wouldn't break a promise, right?

This lie. This secret we've kept up. This secret we've kept from everyone in our lives is getting to be too much.

I think about all the ways Alice could find out. How hasn't she found out already? The not so secret touches at our lockers. The not so innocent glances at lunch. The sneaking away together every sleepover.

We're at Rose's now and Edward leans over to kiss me one last time.

"Love," he reminds.

"Same," I whisper lightly.

~!~

I tell Rose everything and she responds with, "I knew I always liked Mr. Cullen. What a DILF."

I laugh as I pack up my away bag. It's nearing 1:30, and mom and dad will be here any minute.

"Maybe he's right, Bella. Maybe it's time to tell her?"

"She'll hate me."

"You don't know that."

I nod vehemently. Before I can argue further, my mom's calling to tell me she's here. I hug Rose bye and thank her for _everything. _I can't take secret keeping for granted anymore. She winks. She's so Rose.

My parents seem relaxed and gentle as they hold hands and ask about my weekend. I tell them we watched movies and ate pizza and worked on school projects.

They both nod in acceptance as we turn into the driveway. I hold my breath. Did I return everything to its spot? Did I turn off all the lights? Did I lock the door? Will they know?

Dad's inside, beer in hand, feet on the coffee table before I even have my shoes off. All seems good. Mom starts laundry and Alice calls to ask if I can come over. I don't want to face Mr. Cullen, but I really want to see Alice, so I chance it and ask my mom.

"We haven't seen you all weekend," she protests.

"I know," I tell her not even bothering to put up a fight.

"Let her go, honey," Dad calls from the living room. I'm taken by such surprise that I can't even form thankful words.

Mom smiles and nods. "Go on," she says gently.

~!~

When Alice invited me over to make cookies, I thought we'd open a package, place pre-made dough on a cookie sheet, and watch The Office while they baked. But, when I arrive, Alice has all the ingredients out to make Snickerdoodles from scratch.

"They're Jake's favorite," she explains, and I nod with excited understanding.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen are out shopping and Edward's in the basement with Jasper. I feel safe for now.

Alice mixes the dry with the wet ingredients as she tells me about her date.

"He brought me flowers and a teddy bear and kissed me so sweetly that my lips almost fell off, Bella. He held my hand. He opened the door for me. He didn't once ask me what color my underwear was."

I chuckle loudly. "Well, I guess that's sweet, right?"

Alice beams and I'm happy she found someone to appreciate her. I'm glad she found someone willing to change for her.

Jasper walks slowly up the steps and smiles. Jasper's presence calms me. His eyes are soft and his demeaner is accepting. Today, the circles under his eyes aren't so dark. He's getting better, and I feel the last thing I want to feel: hopeful.

I offer a small smile.

"Hi girls," he says softly, pausing in the kitchen.

"Hey Jas," I say happily.

"Hi," Al says quickly.

"Baking cookies?" he asks. Jas hasn't been this optimistic since he got to see his mom for the first time after being taken from her.

"For Jake," Alice announces loudly, snapping her head to meet his gaze.

Jas smiles sadly with understanding. "I'm sure he'll love them." Jasper's warm, gentle voice makes my eyes sting. His eyes and mind are clear today. I want to tell him I'm proud.

_Keep trying _my smile says but when Jasper turns to head upstairs, Alice's "why can't he take the hint that I don't fucking love _him_ anymore?" erases all hope.

"You sure?" I challenge.

Her response is a big doughball plopped onto a cookie sheet.

It's after four and it's Alice, me, and Edward in the basement. Jasper's been MIA since earlier. She's flipping through the channels and Edward's texting me from the far side of the couch.

_Hey Pretty._

_Hi ya handsome._

_Wanna know a secret?_

_I don't know. Do I?_

_Yes._

_Okay, tell me your secret, Edward._

_You have the prettiest fingernails and you give the best head I've ever had in my whole entire fucking life._

I giggle and Alice asks, "what's so funny?"

"Rose said Sam's dick is hairy." It's not a lie. She did say that_… _earlier.

"That's the worst," Al agrees.

"Did you say _dick_, Baby B?" Edward mocks. He's heard me say it before. His tease reddens my cheeks and I bite my lips together.

"She's not twelve anymore, Edward. Don't be a fucking asshole." Alice is more protective as she's ever been the last few weeks, and I'm not sure why. Does she sense something? Am I not trying as hard? Have we been complacent in our friendship? Are we slipping? No, we can't. I won't let it.

"No, she's not twelve anymore, you're right," Edward starts, sitting up straighter. He goes to open his mouth, Alice is all ears, but Mr. Cullen walks down the stairs and none of us will ever hear what Edward was ready to say.

"Your mother and I brought home dinner. Bella, honey, we got some for you, too."

I want to say no because oh my god what if this is it. He's getting the whole family together and he's going to tell Alice. My heart beats quicker. Blood swims faster in my veins and pounds in my head.

Mr. Cullen must notice as he says, "You don't want to miss Alice's story about her first date with Jake, right?"

Alice scoffs and says, "as if I didn't already tell her, dad. And it wasn't our _first _date," as she runs past him up the stairs.

Edward stands and so do I.

Mr. Cullen gives me a promising smile.

So, here were are, Alice and I sitting side by side at the dinner table across from my not-as-secret boyfriend and his recovering bestie with their parents at either end watching the way Edward smiles when I spill alfredo sauce on my chin and down my shirt.

"Jeez," I say nervously, "can't take me anywhere."

The boys laugh and Alice goes to lick it off. I bat her away with a napkin and glance at Mrs. Cullen who looks at me with _honey, we've known _eyes.

Jasper watches me and glances at his pseudo-parents and back to me. He's putting the pieces together. My brow arches when it dawns on him. He gives me a nod and picks at his pasta.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen talk about college and what the boys want to do.

"Not sure," Jasper says. "I guess I never thought I had a chance."

Alice stops, her fork clanks on the glass plate. "You don't if you keep shoving shit down your throat."

Jasper meets her eyes and sits up straighter. "I stopped," he admits. "I'm clean," he says.

Alice rolls her eyes and scoffs. "Yeah, for how long?"

I grab her hand and put pressure on her fingers. _Let it go. It's not your problem. _I might be the only one who thinks that Alice's anger proves lingering feelings, though.

Mr. Cullen, irritated with his daughter's condescension, says, "Jasper is a part of this family just as you are. We clothe him. We feed him. We love him. He has as much of a future as you do, Alice. You will not make this a hostile environment any longer. Grow up."

We're silent. Alice's dad has never reprimanded her in such a manner as he has now, at least not in front of me. Again, Alice rolls her eyes and picks up her fork to play with her food.

Edward clears his throat and looks right at me. "Maybe he wants to come to U Dub with me?" he says aloud but what he really means is, "I want to go to U Dub, B, and I want you to come, too."

I smile and nod faintly. I haven't thought much about my future. I'm still young, but I'd follow him anywhere.

"Maybe," Jas says.

"Maybe you'll get a basketball scholarship," I offer as blandly as I can.

"That's the plan," Edward says with a smirk.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen exchange smiles. They're proud that they raised good kids. Good kids with attitudes, but good kids all the same.

"What about you, Al?" I ask.

She shrugs. "Pre-Med. Maybe."

"I could see that," I tell her, bumping her elbow with mine.

"Me, too," Mr. Cullen says with a smile.

"I think maybe I'll be a teacher," I offer. "Or a Vet. Or maybe something with Criminal Justice."

I earn laughter and Mrs. Cullen says, "you've got plenty of time to narrow it down, sweetie."

~!~

Alice turns sixteen and fails her permit test. Her mom says she should have studied, so we spend the next two weeks with our noses in the book. I'll be taking the test in a few months, so it doesn't hurt to study now.

Alice passes the second time and dad jokingly says, "I'm not sure I like knowing she'll be out on the road."

I'm not sure what happened on their little Valentine's Day trip, and quite frankly I don't want to know, but dad returned with patience and a sense of humor.

"It'll be me soon," I tell him as we stand on the front porch and watch Mr. Cullen teach Alice about the break and gas pedals, windshield wipers, mirrors, and defrosters.

"I know!" Alice yells. "Let's go already!"

Dad puts his arm around me and says, "don't remind me."

~!~

"Please!" Alice begs.

"Absolutely not," Edward says vehemently.

"PLEASE!" she begs louder.

"No, Alice. You ran over two curbs in dad's car already." Edward stands and moves to the far end of the table.

All of lunch, Alice berates and begs Edward to let her drive home from school. Edward's Honda is his baby, and I don't blame him. Not only is it dangerous, but it's illegal. Still, Alice pouts. I try to refrain from rolling my eyes, but when Rose catches me, her brows knit together.

"Stupid idiot brother," Al grumbles under her breath. She leans back in her chair and Jake throws his arm around her.

"I'll let you drive the truck, babe," Jake offers.

"Really?" Alice says excitedly. "Like, today? Right after school?"

"Sure, why not. It's Friday, my dad's out fishing, we'll get some alone time back at my house," Jake says, waggling his brows.

"Fuck yeah!" Alice exclaims.

"Al, how am I supposed to get home?" I ask.

"Come with us!"

"To your _alone time, _no thanks! Plus. If my dad catches me, I'll never be allowed to hang out with you again."

"I'll take you," Edward pipes up from down the table.

My stomach somersaults and I do my best to hide the smile curving my lips.

"You sure?" I ask with no protest.

"We're practically going to the same place." He rolls his eyes in an annoying-big-brother way. When I agree, and Alice smiles and nods, Edward throws me a smirk.

It's the last class of the day when Edward texts me.

_Think you can tell your mom you're hanging out with Rose after school?_

When I ask my mom, she says _Okay, honey_.

So, here we are, in Edward's car. Alone.

"Where's Jasper?"

"With Bree."

"Where are we going?"

"I'm taking my girlfriend out on a Friday night."

His hand is on my knee and I'm excited-nervous and steady as he grips me and holds me and kisses my knuckles.

We drive back to Port Angeles and eat an early dinner. We walk to the movie theatre, hand in hand, and lets me pick the movie. I'm popping Reese's Pieces in my mouth when his arm slithers around my shoulders. The theater is practically empty, but I slouch lower just in case. Edward's lips kiss the top of my head, sharing love and boasting exhilaration.

Out with my boyfriend on a Friday night, I feel birthday-morning-thrilled, summer-time free, and brilliantly blissful.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you, thank you, thank you to all those who take the time to review! I love reading your thoughts. You're all so kind, and your words truly motivate me! We're probably two thirds the way done with our story, and I think about what's next? Since the beginning, I've wanted to write the same story with Edward's POV, maybe some Jasper and Alice POVs too? If you'd be interested in reading that, let me know!**

The end of school year brings easy summer days filled with blow-pop sticky smiles, starburst pink cheeks, and evening bonfires.

Edward goes away for a week to the Seattle Elite Basketball Camp again this year. He talks to scout after scout, making his name more known than it already is. A few plan on attending his games this year. As a junior, this is big, or so he tells me.

"He said I could make it. He said I could go to the big leagues, Bella," excitement whispers over the phone on the night before his tournament.

"I tell you that all the time," I say between yawns. It's nearing midnight and we have to leave in six hours to pick him up.

"I know, but this guys the shit. He's _the _guy." His smile through the phone warms my blood to soft honey.

"I love you and I can't wait to see you," I whisper.

"Tomorrow is for you. I'm playing for you, baby."

~!~

Jasper's in the backseat, slumped down, snoozing almost the entire ride to Seattle. His hand supports his head and blonde waves fall in his eyes. Peaceful slumber finds him and only him.

Alice shares her earbuds with me, and we listen to old rock and new pop. Alice feigns death when I don't skip Selena Gomez's new single.

"Jake likes this song, too," she says with an eyeroll.

"Not surprised," I laugh.

The rest of the trip drags, especially when Jas wakes up and Al no longer wants to talk about how much Jake loves Selena Gomez and Phoebe from Friends. I give her the other earbud claiming it was hurting my ear, and then lean against the door to play on my phone.

I send the seventh _good luck _text to my boy before putting my phone away and closing my eyes.

I let the thought of NBA Edward lull me to sleep. I wonder if he'll choose number 17 for his jersey in college, too. We're suddenly parking and my phone vibrates in the cupholder of the door.

_I'm going to kiss your pouty, pink lips tonight, Pretty._

~!~

I'm between my best girl and Jas. The three of us stand and cheer and scream "CUL-LEN, CUL-LEN" every time he has the ball and even when he doesn't. His team made it to the end, so we've been here all day.

This is it. Everything he's been waiting for. It'll be too late to be noticed next year, so Edward has to play the best he's ever played now, and boy is he ever. I watch the way his white jersey bounces as he runs while dribbling, the effortless way his feet propel into the air to shoot, his unpretentiousness as he makes basket after basket, and the smile on his face when he finally sees me in the sea of people. He pushes back sweat and heat and excitement with the towel someone throws at him.

His biceps look like rollercoaster. I know he's been going to the gym at school for a while now, but the lights in the gym and the sweat dripping down really accentuates his new muscles. I first noticed on Saint Patrick's day at school when the green polo he donned stretched over his chest and arms. I also noticed that I wasn't the only one who noticed, either. I heard Jessica Stanley and her gaggle of bitches comment as they walked past my locker, "what I wouldn't give to have Edward hold me down and fuck the literal stupid out of me."

Alice also heard as she scoffs and yells, "that would take a whole lot of fucking, dumbass."

There's a fifteen-minute half time where Alice all but runs to the bathroom. I tell her she'll never make it back in time, but with the speed she's running, maybe she will.

Mrs. Cullen taps my shoulder and moves down to where Alice was just sitting.

"I know we haven't really talked about you and Edward, Bella, but I want you to know that I love you like my own daughter. You're so good for all of our children. I'd like to talk more about this maybe one day when Alice is out of the house." Mrs. Cullen is white-bleached teeth and perfect skin as she rubs her thumb over my knuckles in acceptance.

I nod simply and smile nervously. Sudden emotion hits me like the balls bouncing on the floor. My eyes swell with tears. It's been four months since Mr. Cullen saw us, and no one's brought it up since.

This is the last place I want to do this, but with trepidation I tell Mrs. Cullen, "she's going to hate me."

Mrs. Cullen offers a very small, very understanding smile. She cups my face in Japanese-Cherry-Blossom scented, dainty hands and shakes her head. "Alice is very bull headed, but she could never hate you, Bella."

I want to ask her how she knows, but the buzzer sounds, and Edward's back on the floor. Thirteen minutes later, Alice plops down next to me in the very spot her mom snuck down to.

"Jesus, women are so freaking slow in the bathroom," she announces with irritation.

I force a laugh, but my insides are churning, and my goosebumps are so hard they hurt.

"It's freezing in here," I say.

"You're wearing a tank top! Of course you're cold," Alice teases, wrapping her arms around me.

Mr. Cullen must notice as he hands me a hoodie out of the duffle next to him. "We brought this for Edward to change into after the game. I don't think he'd mind if you wore it now, honey."

Thankful for the warmth, I toss it over my slick straight hair and eyelet tank. I breathe in deeply. Soap and cinnamon and number 17. Warm nights under blankets and hidden notes in my locker. Kissing on the log in the woods and the way he says my name when he comes. Edward warms me inside and out.

His team wins by a landslide, but we still storm the court at the sound of the last buzzer. Edward shakes the hands of every teammate, his coach, and a dozen scouts. I stand back, still wrapped in his warmth, watching in awe as he, his dad, and the scout discuss the possibility of a full ride scholarship to University of Washington.

"I'll be in touch with your coach," Jason, the scout, says. He shakes the hand of every member of his family.

"When we talked a few days ago, you only mentioned one sister?" Jason says, shaking my hand.

"She's not my sister," Edward offers with a smile. "This is Bella."

This year, there is no "my sister's best friend".

I am simply _Bella_.

My smile is wide and genuine. Jason looks from my eyes to the soft expression of my lips to Edward's sweatshirt wrapped around me.

But before Jason can put the pieces together, Alice butts in with, "she's my friend," and then Jason nods in semi-comprehension.

After the scout takes off, Mr. Cullen pulls Edward into a tight hug. They stay like that for some time and I watch as Edward nods every now and then. His eyes are all blue and wonderous. Whatever his dad says turns beautiful, deep eyes into glassy marbles. I pull my phone out and take a picture, memorializing this moment in Edward's life. Mrs. Cullen next to me cries soft tears and profound love, excitement, and honor.

"I'm so proud of you, Edward," she beams. Edward picks her up and hugs her tight. His lips plant onto her cheek and he sets her down. They share soft words, and I look away briefly not wanting to intrude.

Jasper and Edward offer each other a bro hug. Jasper says, "you did it, dude."

Edward nods. "With your help," he adds.

His eyes are on me like he's saving the best for last.

Alice's tear stained cheek reflects off the harsh lights. "Punk," she jokes, punching him in the arm. Edward grabs her and hugs her. He kisses her cheek and whispers something only the two of them are meant to hear. Alice flicks her eyes to Jasper and nods.

Edward puts her down and catches my stare. He walks right over to me and hugs me. This is for Alice. Later, when she's not looking, we'll welcome each other better, different, deeper with soft hands and wet lips and welcoming sighs.

"Beautiful Bella, Pretty Girl," he whispers. "I like you in my sweatshirt," he teases softly before pulling the hood over my eyes, pulling the drawstrings, and putting distance between us. My giggle isn't forced, and Alice helps loosen the hood. She's rolling her eyes, but the smirk on her lips is playful.

On the way to the car, Al and Edward walk ahead of me and Jasper. They're talking about Jake's junky truck and old Metallica songs.

"You doin' okay?" I ask Jas.

He throws an arm around my shoulder and pulls me to his chest. "Yeah, I think so," he admits. An honest smile decorates his face and that one dimple shows.

"I'm really proud of you," I tell him.

He doesn't ask why because he already knows. Jas nods and shrugs.

"I'm really proud of you, too," he tells me.

I bark a laugh. "Why are you proud of me?"

Jas drops his hand from my shoulder to touch the sensitive skin of my wrist. "Edward's my guy, B. No, it's deeper than that," he says, "Edward's the first family I ever knew. He showed me life without struggle before I found my own. He showed me chances and hope and honesty before I ruined that shit." Jas pauses now and I want to disagree but I can't.

He takes another breath before beginning slower this time. "You are for him what Alice couldn't be for me. Not back then, anyways. You're his light, Bella."

I scoff and roll my eyes. "Yeah, ok."

Jas's eyes are on mine and this time they're determined, hard, convincing. "Do you know how many times he was offered the same shit as me? Hundreds. Do you know how many times he said yes? Zero."

"He didn't say no because of me, Jas."

"It was, B," softness says simply. "Riley would say "wanna get in on this?" and Edward would say the same thing every single time: "nah man, my girl will kill me" and that's it B. That's all."

I take a moment to absorb what Jas tells. For years I wondered what it was like for them, for him, for Jas. I wondered not only why Jasper said yes, but also why Edward said no. Now that I know, I have a million questions, but I only ask one.

"Why didn't you say that about Alice?"

His response is quick like he's spent months, years thinking about it.

"Alice couldn't be my light because I wouldn't let her. Because our relationship was never yours and Edward's. She enabled me. We were toxic. I was toxic. Our relationship, what I put us through, was too mature for us then. We were fifteen going on twenty-five, Bella. I went from a house where I never heard the word love to a home that said the word seven thousand times a day. I wasn't worthy, I'm probably still not, but I believe now that I deserve at least a little bit of what the Cullen's so graciously give."

I think about it on the way back to the car. Alice enabled him and he didn't stop her. I never thought about it, but I guess I was preoccupied keeping my own secrets from her.

I run to catch up with him. "You are," I tell him, "You're deserving, Jasper. You deserve all the gentleness, all the softness, all the warmth and love that we give. You deserve an incredible life with kindness. You deserve hope, Jasper."

He stops me suddenly and stares so deeply into me that tears well. The only thing I can think of his how crushed I'm going to be when he denies my words.

Instead, Jas pulls me in. He envelopes my body with strong arms and a strong resolve and then his dimple winks at me as he laughs in my ear and kisses my cheek. My arm wraps around his waist and together we're enmeshed in honesty and wholehearted, platonic love and a moment we'll look back on forever and cherish. When Jasper's shaggy hair tickles my cheek I ask, "please let me cut your hair?"

And he says, "maybe."

~!~

It's the last day of June, and my skin is warmed-from-summer-sun red. Al, Rose, and I lay out in Alice's front yard as some of the boys from the team play ball in their driveway. Edward yells about a foul and Jas laughs at Jake when he teases Sam about his neon pink and yellow shoes. Irritated with the taunting, Sam bounces the ball and steps up to Jake.

"Watch it!" Rose yells as the ball bounces over, spilling her lemonade.

"Sorry, babe," Sam calls, grabbing the ball from Rose. "Tell them these shoes are stylish."

Rose glances at the shoes once before looking at Sam and saying, "no."

Jake, Jas, and Edward snicker like boys in middle school.

Sam and Rose have been fighting much, _much_ more frequently. It's like her and Emmett all over again, but Sam isn't as charming or dopey as Em, so he's much less forgivable. To be honest, I kind of miss Emmett. He doesn't come around as much since he and Rose broke up last year.

"Let's walk up to the courts," Edward offers. "There's no room here and we're in the sun-bathers' way."

"Wait, I want to come," Al says.

"Me, too," I add.

"Well, I guess so do I," Rose says less enthusiastically.

I change into jeans shorts and a flowy, white floral tank and meet the girls in the kitchen. My hair is in braids, and I'm wearing a pair of sunnies Edward bought me a while ago. Alice grabs a few bottles of water and throws a hat over her head.

"Hey, Al, do you have another hat I can wear?" I ask. The sun is pretty hot today, and I don't really want to burn my scalp.

"This is my only one, B, sorry," she says apologetically.

The boys walk down the steps and Edward takes the hat from his head and places it on mine. It's soft and warm like fresh baked cookies.

"I have another in my car," Edward offers, and then he's gone.

It's basketball-sweaty and so him. I adjust it in the back and pull it down with a smile.

Al, Rose, and I are a few feet behind the boys when my dad drives by. He slows and stops, and so do I.

"Hey, kiddo," dad says. "Where are you girls off to?"

"We're going to the courts up the street," I offer.

Dad looks back at the boys who have stopped also. Dad nods. "Do you guys want a ride? It's pretty hot out."

The boys, even Edward, excitedly say yes, but I shake my head. "Thanks, but no thanks, dad. Your cruiser only sits four."

Dad nods again before glancing at the hat on my head. "Alright, see you at home."

We make it to the courts within 10 minutes. The boys finish their game as we lay out on the grass.

Alice and Rose talk about Sam and Jake and I feel only a little left out.

"He refuses to shave his junk," Rose tells us in disgust. "So I told him I'm not going down on him again until he does."

"Gross," Al offers. "Jake isn't totally bare, but I'm not getting his pubes stuck in my teeth."

I giggle loudly. How absurd. Edward is always shaved and smooth down there, and I wish I could chime in.

"And his dick is much smaller than I'm used to," Rose adds.

"You mean smaller than Em's?" Alice scoffs. "From what I hear, everyone's is!"

Rose nods with a smirk. "Yeah, true."

"Jake's smaller than…" Alice trails off softly unable to say Jasper's name. I've never heard her compare the two in a positive tone.

"Small or smaller?" Rose quips.

"Like, kind of both? Let's just say I can deep throat without choking."

I lean back on my elbows and giggle. "I'm picturing it," I tell her, laughing harder. "And I'm picturing your face all confused like 'how is this happening'?"

Rose laughs and Alice play smacks my belly. "I didn't say I didn't like it!"

And now we're all keeled over in laughter and softness and girl-talk-secrets.

After a while, and many strange looks from the boys, we change the subject to our plans for the Fourth and how Alice is going to beat the fuck out of Bree if she shows up to La Push.

"Why?" Rose asks what I can't.

"Because I hate that little slut."

"I do too, but you haven't been with Jasper in, like, forever, so what's the deal?" Rose challenges.

Alice takes a moment to think and then shrugs. "I mean, of all the bitches he could get with, he chooses _her_?"

"All the shit I did for him. All the shit my family _does_ for him and he pulls that?" Hurt laces Alice's words. I wrap my arm around her and kiss the top of her hat covered head. My girl tries so hard to be hard.

I watch Edward behind my sunnies as he makes a call and taps out a message on his phone before slipping it in his shorts.

_Hi Pretty-Lips_. _You'll have to fill me in on the subject of your giggle session later._

I smile and croon and heat inside. My heart flutters and my eyes sing love. Then, I think about the size of _his _dick and the way he looks between my legs, making me come, and I have to squeeze my thighs together.

Alice suggests we head over to the shade of the maple tree. We're closer to the boys, so I don't argue. My back is against the tree, and I'm texting him back _Hi good-lookin'. Giggling about the size of everyone's dick on the team _when more guys from the team show up.

_My dick is no laughing matter. Do I need to show you again?_ He flirts.

_Yes, please _I type back.

My eyes zero in on him as he walks away, his back to his team, as he adjusts himself in his shorts. I've come to know, after hanging around a bunch of guys, that this, grabbing themselves over their shorts, is an action that occurs very, very frequently. But when Edward does it? I almost come.

I don't know whose idea it is to do shirts vs. skins, but boy am I glad Edward decides to be a skin. His chest is summer-time golden and the muscles under his skin show more now that he's taken up running 4 times a week, a suggestion from his coach to keep in shape during the off-season.

I clear my throat every now and again to stop from whimpering or moaning or full out grunting when Edward twists and turns his torso, stretches his torso when he jumps to shoot, or bends over to catch his breath. God damn, my boyfriend is seriously one sexy piece of ass.

It's at this exact moment, during this exact thought, when Paul jumps to block Edward's shot, looses his footing on the way down, and takes Edward with him. They're a mess of bodies as they're being helped up. Paul apologizes and Edward brushes it off as he picks rock out of his triceps and elbow and checks out the road rash on his back.

Jas lends him a hand and when he pulls him up, Edward falls back down with a, "fuck!" and Alice and I are both running over.

"Move!" she yells. "Back the fuck up!" she tells the boys towering over her brother.

I fly under her wing and we're kneeling beside him. Edward's sitting on his bottom, left knee to his chest, and he's testing his ankle for soreness. When he bends or circles it, Edward lets out a hiss.

"What's wrong?" I ask, lifting my glasses to see better.

"Not sure," he says evenly, calmly.

Jas bends down and helps. He carefully removes Edward's shoe and sock and Alice gasps. Edward's foot is puffy and red and the side of his heel is turning angry shades of purple and blue.

"Is your dad at the hospital?" Jas asks.

"Yeah," Alice answers. "Why?"

"His ankle," Jas answers.

Edward brushes everyone off and uses Jasper's shoulder to leverage himself up. We all stand and when Edward goes to walk, he doubles over and stumbles to me. I reach out to catch him but Jasper's quicker.

"Fuck!" Edward yells. "Someone go get my fucking car!"

"I'll call an ambulance!" Alice says, pulling out her phone.

"No!" Edward says.

My phone's in my hand and I'm dialing the next best thing as Alice and her brother argue.

"I called my dad," I announce to two siblings escalating in tone. "He'll take us to the hospital. Alice, can you call your dad?" I say, but she's yelling over me. "Alice?" I say louder. Still no recognition. "Alice!" I yell this time.

"What?" she yells back.

"I got it, B," Jas says, dialing Mr. Cullen.

I fill them in while Jas does so, and Edward puts his arm around Jake and Jas for support as my dad pulls up to the curb. Al and Jas hop in the back with Edward and I take the front seat.

"Broken?" he asks grimly, glancing in the back.

My heart beat skips. Dad says what we're all thinking but too scared to ask. Fear seeps into my veins as I realize what this would mean for Edward and basketball.

"Not broken," Jas responds calmly. "Sprained maybe. The heel and ankle are swollen. The sides are bruising, but Edward's not screaming in pain when I move it around."

"Well it doesn't fucking feel good, dick," Edward says, irritated.

I hold my breath. My boyfriend just said "fucking" and "dick" in my dad's cruiser. I take a glance to my left, but dad does nothing.

"Does this hurt?" Jas asks, putting pressure on different parts of Edward's shin, ankle, and foot.

Edward hisses or shakes his head no in response. When I look back, Alice is crying and Edward's eyes are closed. Cool, calm, and collected, Jasper handles the situation. I turn around and find dad watching Jasper intently through the rear-view.

When we get to the emergency room, Mr. Cullen is waiting for us with a wheel chair.

Edward thanks my dad and I kiss his cheek. Dad expects me to stay in the car, but these are my best friends. Of course I'm going with them.

Having your dad work at the hospital certainly has advantages. Edward's in a room, x-rays taken within minutes of arriving, and juice and crackers offered to all of us. Mr. Cullen's gone for a while and when he comes back, there's a little more pep in his step.

"This is your ankle, son," he starts, "no visible broken bones."

Everyone lets go of their anxiety and worry in one big breath.

"We have three ligaments on the outside of our ankle. Two of yours are very stretched. Don't worry just yet," his dad explains, watching the nervousness etch over his face. "With physical therapy, it will heal in a few weeks. Crutches and bed rest until then, Edward. No running. No basketball. No funny business."

I exhale a bated breath. Alice excuses herself to go fill Jake in. The second the door shuts, Jas stands in front of it allowing us a small moment of privacy.

"Oh my god," I whisper into his hair. He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me in. I run my sunblock-and-sweat sticky fingers through his hat hair and hug him to me tighter, harder.

"No ball all summer, B," he says woefully.

I kiss him on the head and then warmed cheeks and then swollen lips before placing one soft, gentle kiss right on the blackest part of his ankle.

He smiles tenderly. My heart flies into my belly and my fingertips swell with itchy tingles. The gentlest look and softest smirk of his lips set me ablaze in this chilled triage room.

I return to the chair in the corner of the room just as Alice opens the door.

"The fuck, Jasper? What are you, a bodyguard? Move out of the fucking way," Alice demands long after Jasper steps aside. "Jake's stopping at the diner. What's everyone want?" Al puts him on speaker so everyone can deliver their orders.

"Burger and fries. Mayo. No tomato. Extra ranch," I say quickly, realizing just how hungry I am.

"I'll have the same. Extra pickles," Edward says through a yawn.

Alice shakes her head and turns to Jasper who's typing away on his phone. Alice rolls her eyes. "What do you want?"

"I'm good," he says with a nod.

She rolls her eyes again and tells Jake, "he'll have a club sandwich with extra lettuce."

I smile softly at Alice's attempt to include him finally. Jasper is blank but I can almost feel the swell of his heart in this small room. The turning point has happened. It's not forgiveness, but it's letting go.

Twenty minutes later, Mr. Cullen gets Edward ready to go home with ice packs, instructions on how and when to ice and use heat, and a pair of crutches that takes him no time at all to master.

Mrs. Cullen arrives to take us all home. She has tears in her eyes and flowers in her hand.

"Mom," Edward shakes his head. "You didn't have to bring me flowers. It's just a sprain." His lips are curved and he's holding back laughter as Mrs. Cullen glues herself to his chest.

We're in the car, Edward in the front, chair moved all the way back. My legs are shortest, so I offer to sit behind him.

"You have enough room, B?" Edward asks.

"Yeah, I'm good," I whisper.

We arrive home and eat lunch quietly at the dining room table. Edward looks exhausted so I suggest a movie on the couch in the upstairs living room that no one uses. It's nearing two in the afternoon, and my lids grow heavy from too much sun and emotional turmoil.

Alice and Jake take the love seat. Cuddled under blankets and pillows, they disappear in their cocoon for the movie. Edward and Jasper recline on either side of me as we watch the remake of Jumanji. Edward's out in minutes, tiny snores reverberate next to me. Jas looks like he's struggling to stay awake, but his eyes are on the TV and not the love seat to his right. I'm sitting in the middle of my two boys, eyes rolling, and when I finally fall under, feet on Jasper's lap, head on Edward's shoulder, I've never felt more comfortable.

Time passes as I snooze on Edward's arm. I open my eyes slowly, sleepily, and find Alice looking directly at us.

"What time is it?" I ask, stretching my torso onto Edward who, in his slumber, turned his body to accept my back more openly, so I'm all but laying on his chest.

"Just after five," Alice answers. "Jake had to leave. You look… comfortable," worry and reservation lace her tone.

I'm mid-stretch when understanding hits me. I shoot off of Edward and retract my legs from Jasper. What this must look like to my boyfriend's sister doesn't bode well for me.

"There wasn't a lot of room," I start but trail off. Should I just tell her? Is this it? I'm so tired of the game. I'm exhausted hiding this secret. I want to take a nap on my boyfriend if I want. I want to hold his hand in the hallways. I want to kiss him at the lunch table. I want to go for rides afterschool on Wednesdays to the diner if I want!

I take a deep breath to calm nerves that stand up electrified under my skin. "Alice, I've been—"

And then three loud knocks on the door interrupt.

"I'll get it," Al says, throwing off the blankets and dashing for the door.

"You were going to tell her," Jas says softly, hand on my thigh.

"I'm just so tired," I tell Jas. Tears sting my eyes and I'm about to just break down, but then I hear a very gruff, very familiar voice, and I'm off the couch that sits my boyfriend and his best friend.

"His ankle is sprained pretty bad. My dad says with physical therapy, it'll be ok," Alice says.

"Good, I'm glad his basketball career won't be ruined then," the voice says. It's getting closer as they walk the hall from the front door to the living room.

"I hope it's okay we stop by, Alice. I tried calling Bella, but she didn't answer."

"Totally fine," my best friend answers, rounding the corner with my parents in tow. "Bella and I put on a movie after Edward dozed off and then we fell asleep." Alice looks right at me with a smile and I know she knows. She might not know _everything_, how could she? But she knows something. An inkling. A drop of what we are. The tip of the iceberg that grew out of the deepest part of the ocean.

My heart beats like that one time I was forced to run the mile at school. Faster and faster it beats, but my breaths are even. I'm ready to tell, but then I see my mom's smiling face, and I'm back to square one.

I apologize to my parents who return soft smiles.

"It was a hectic day," dad excuses.

"We understand," mom assures.

Mrs. Cullen walks down the steps and greets my parents. By this time, Edward's eyes open slowly and he yawns and stretches and sits up slowly. Alice and Jasper help him up and I hand him his crutches. He hunches over to maneuver around and his face is almost even with mine.

"Thanks, B," sleepiness says with a lick of his lips. His blue-greens swim in exhaustion but his smile is noon-time summer-sun warm. Disheveled hair sticks in every direction, and I have to squeeze my fingers closed to stop from running through it.

"Esme, I wasn't sure if you had made dinner with all that happened today, so I made a lasagna."

"Smells awesome," Edward says, looking from me to my mom. "Can we eat it?"

Mrs. Cullen smiles, takes the dish, and says, "of course. Renee, Charlie, please stay. Carlisle will be home any minute."

And, so, here we are. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen at the head of the table. Dad, mom, and I on one side, and my best friend, her brother, and her ex on the other.

"Not broken, though?" Dad asks again, taking a huge bite of dinner like he wants this to be over with. He's taken quite the interest in Edward's basketball career since he saw what Edward's capable of last season.

"No," Mr. Cullen says between bites.

"Good, he can still play then. Is that your plan, son, to get a scholarship?"

"I hope so, sir," Edward says through a mouthful.

"Bella tells us you had some scouts interested in you at your camp?"

"Yes, sir," he says again, smiling down at his dinner plate.

My dad nods, eating up this "yes, sir" crap. I smile inwardly and hide behind my hair.

"What about you?" my dad asks nodding toward Jasper. "What's your plan?" His tone is less approving and more accusing.

My head snaps up, and so does Alice's.

"I'm not as sure as Edward is, sir." He's honest, and my dad respects it.

"You ever think about EMT?"

"No, sir," Jas answers honestly, looking right at my dad.

Dad nods slowly. "You should. You stayed very calm today. In control of the situation. You knew exactly what to do."

Jasper shrugs, raking his fork through pasta, sauce, and cheese. "I took care of a lot of injuries when I lived with my parents."

We all nod.

"If you'd like, I can set you up with someone at the hospital. You can shadow for a few hours and see if you're interested?" Mr. Cullen offers.

Jasper nods slowly.

"Thanks for the idea, Charlie," Mr. Cullen says, smiling.

"The station sponsors one applicant a year. We pay for the course and all testing. If you keep yourself clean like you have been, I could pull some strings." Dad doesn't need to say the rest. He's giving Jasper a huge opportunity.

Alice scoffs.

"Alice," Mr. Cullen's stern voice cuts through the tension. "Your disrespect won't be tolerated tonight."

"It's fine. Jake will be here soon." She stands, clears her place, and the nervous, adrenaline-soaked shake of her hand isn't hard to miss. As she walks by, she points directly at Jasper and says, "I asked you for years to stop. Years! Wasn't I enough?" and then the tears come and my heart splinters.

Alice runs out the front door and no one moves.

Mr. Cullen shakes his head and apologizes to my parents who brush it off. Mom tells him I can be moody and Edward laughs like he knows. Dad talks more about basketball with Edward and Mrs. Cullen and my mom talk about the recipe for mom's lasagna. Jasper plays with his food as Mr. Cullen talks about EMT courses.

But nobody moves to check on Alice. No one cares about my girl's feelings. No one but Jasper who's white-knuckling the side of his jeans to stop himself from running after the girl who enabled him, who couldn't be his light when he was in that very dark, very deep tunnel, who chose his friend as a rebound.

I put my fork down, clear my plate, and give Jas my best "I got this" smile as I walk outside to our girl. All of the feelings she's been hiding from him for months and months have overflowed, and she needs me more than he does. His wounds are old, superficial as they heal. Hers are opened and reopened every time she looks at him.

On the porch swing, Alice leans back and watches the ceiling. She doesn't need to look to know it's me. Patting the seat next to her, she invites me over.

I sit with her. Our feet dangle off the edge, and our toes dig into the wood to propel us back and forth. Her hand finds mine in evening-darkness.

"Remember that one time I was bored and asked you to dye my hair blue?" she asks, voice thick with tears.

"Yes. Your dad was so mad." I'm honest and calm in the darkness, not wanting to disturb serene silence.

"Why did you do it?"

"Because it made you happy. Because you asked me to. Because I love you."

"Why didn't he love me enough?" Alice cries softly. "Why didn't he love me as much as you?"

"No one will love you as much as I love you, Alice," I say honestly, evenly, truthfully. Please, please always remember that I want to add but squeeze her hand instead.

Her head falls on my shoulder. "Why did he hurt me over and over? Why couldn't he just let me go?"

I wrap my arm around her. I pull her head down into my lap. She curls on the old wooden swing. Alice's legs are bent as she lays on me. My fingers find her two-day-dirty hair and comb free summer-sun-tangles. She weeps gently and slowly in my lap. Hot tears sting my bare thighs as she feels what's been pressurized down into the core of her heart for way too long.

"Why did you let him hurt you, Alice?"

"I thought he would change. I asked him to change. I asked him so many fucking times! Why wasn't I worth it?"

"You were. You are. It took him awhile to realize it, Al, but you are."

"He didn't change for me, Bella."

"You're right. He didn't change _for_ you, Al, but he's clean _because of_ you. If he changed for you, because _you_ wanted him to, he'd have gone right back to it. He changed for himself, but he's clean because of you. He's clean because you don't enable him anymore. He's clean because it was his choice. He's clean because he loves you."

Alice says nothing, but I can feel her chew on the words I spit out.

"You're my best girl, B," Al says as she sits up slowly. Her tears are gone, but she sniffles every now and again.

I smile at her. "And you're mine."

We spend time swinging, holding hands, and asking each other old questions like "would you rather have no eyelashes or no eyebrows" when my parents walk out onto the front porch.

"See you at home, sweetheart," mom says, kissing both of our cheeks. I wave to my parents as they walk across the yards. I blow dad a kiss before he shuts our front door.

Just then, two headlights turn into Alice's driveway.

"That's Jake. I'll call you tomorrow?" Alice kisses my cheek and waves me off as I nod.

She's one foot off the porch as she turns to me with a trepid foot. "Do you really think he still loves me?"

"I'd bet my life on it," I assure her.

Alice pauses before looking from my house to me. "Your dad looks good with short hair," she teases.

I throw a cushion at her and tell her to get lost as she runs to Jake's truck.

Headlights disappear down the road and I jump off the swing and walk inside to collect my things. I slip my shoes on and grab my phone. Edward's leaning against the island, laughing with Jasper and his dad about something as Mrs. Cullen loads the dishwasher.

Edward's head is thrown back and his infectious laughter spreads to Jasper. I'm smiling before I even know what's funny, and I'm ogling my boyfriend who looks so good in low slung joggers and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt. As if he can sense it, Edward turns his head toward me.

"Mom, dad," he starts, holding his hand out, gesturing for me to settle under the heavy weight of his arm. As I do, he says, "I'd like you to meet someone special."

And I'm dying. Fire licks my cheeks and embarrassed tears prick my eyes. "Oh my god," I whisper.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen nod. "Hi, honey," his mom says with a smile while his dad just looks at us.

Edward's lips kiss my cheek and then my temple and then my hair. "This is my girlfriend, Bella."

Mr. Cullen nods, asking, "this is pretty serious, then?"

Edward nods, never taking his eyes from me. "Yes."

Mrs. Cullen finishes the dishes while asking questions she's been dying to know the answer to. "When? How? Why?"

I sit next to Edward. We're having this conversation after all these years, and I'm not prepared.

"For me, it started on Alice's thirteenth birthday," Edward starts. "Bella wore this super glossy shit on her lips. I couldn't stop thinking about it."

"I wore it for you," I tell him.

"Oh, boy," Mrs. Cullen whisper jokes.

"That same night I told her about everything. I told her about the drugs and what I was like before we moved. She didn't run screaming. She didn't tell her dad. She accepted me. After that, I tried to stay away for months. I didn't want to ruin the friendship she has with Alice. I didn't want to ruin anything else for my sister." Edward rests his lips on my forehead and I can feel parental eyes on us. "And then the night before the fourth of July that year, I just couldn't do it anymore. Ever since then, we just were what we are now."

"I'm glad that you two have found something special in each other," Mr. Cullen starts with a small smile. "Are you being safe?"

My eyes all but pop right out of my head.

"Dad," Edward tries explaining.

"I'll bring home some condoms from the clinic. I know sometimes it can be embarrassing buying them at the pharmacy."

"Dad, we—"

"It's okay, son. I was a teenager once. I get it. With your past, I want you and Bella to be as safe as you can be."

"No, dad, we don't—"

"No need to explain," Mr. Cullen says, shaking his head.

"We're not having sex!" I yell.

Everyone's quiet, taken aback from not just my tone of voice but what I said.

"You're not…" Mr. Cullen looks confused as he looks between me and Edward.

"I mean, not yet anyways," I finish. "I'm also on… you know…"

"Birth control?" my boyfriend's dad finishes for me.

"Yes."

"You are?" Edward asks.

I nod. Warmth spreads all over. I've been on the pill since Alice's birthday.

"I'm dying," I told Alice one weekend in March. "My ovaries are trying to kill me."

I'm crying as she hands me Midol. "You need to tell your mom to put you on the pill."

And that's exactly what I did. At first, mom said no, but then she noticed I've missed six days of school this year just because of horrible cramps and she agreed to talk to the doctor who suggested the pill.

"Because of the cramps?" Edward asks, nodding his head. He knows just as well as Alice about my painful periods. One time they were so bad when I was laying in his bed that he told me I needed to orgasm.

"What?" I ask, irritated. "That's the last thing I'm thinking about, Edward." Aggravated that he'd actually think I wanted to do that right now knowing how much pain I'm in, I roll my eyes and shoot daggers at him.

"It will help," he tells me. My eyes narrow when he throws his hands up in surrender. "If you don't want me to do it, you can. Just try it, Bella. I hate seeing you like this."

So, I let him. At first it was weird. I insisted on changing my tampon first, but then he got to work and when I finished, my ovaries throbbed less and less until I fell asleep blissful and sated and much less crampy.

Mr. Cullen then goes into discussion about the percentage of effectiveness of the pill and the condom separately and then used together. I can't believe my boyfriend's dad is lecturing me about safe sex practices.

"Okay, honey, I think they get it," Mrs. Cullen says, hand on his shoulder, after reading the expression of the three teens in front of her.

Mr. Cullen lets us go, and I dash down to the basement, forgetting my crippled boyfriend. Jasper helps him down the short flight of stairs, and we relax on the couch in the basement. Jas flicks the lights off, and I curl into Edward's side. He takes my chin, lifts it up, and kisses my lips so delicately.

Jas excuses himself to the bathroom.

"You're really on the pill?" he asks, mischief in his voice.

I nod. Edward groans and takes the hand I have resting on his chest and slides it to his crotch. He's half hard under my hand and when I grip, he throws a blanket over us.

"I want you," he tells me desperately, kissing my lips then my chin and down onto my neck. "I want to be inside you," he tells me over and over. "I want to feel your pussy from the inside. I want to watch my cock stretch your pink pussy open." Edward rarely says these words so graphically to me, and I'm half hoping Jasper will give us some alone time so I can see how far we can get tonight.

I rub over his pants, hot and hard, and slip my hand inside his joggers. He bites my neck and I maneuver, offering him more of the delicate skin under my ear.

"Edward." My whisper is desperate. We haven't had alone time since before he left on his trip, and I'm definitely feeling the effects right now. He grunts a response on my neck and his hand unbuttons my shorts. "Edward," I moan anxiously when his fingers find me over my undies.

"Spread your legs. We have to be quick," he tells me, and I oblige. He rubs tight circles over already soaked cotton.

"Under," I urge. "Inside."

When he does, I open my eyes and watch him watch my mouth. Two fingers sink fast and hard at a difficult angle, but I'm still wet and horny.

"Shit," I whimper, lulling my head to the side, closing my eyes, allowing the feeling of his fingers on my neediest area work to get me off while his parents are just up the stairs and his friend is in the bathroom. I hope he has one ear tuned to the happenings of the others in the house because right now I can only hear my breathing and his fingers on my very swollen, very wet center. He pushes in and out of me in short, shallow motions, rocking his fingers up and pressing against something strange. I feel the tingle in my belly and when I throw my head back and grab his wrist with my free hand to signal my imminent orgasm, he removes his fingers from me all together.

With a frustrated groan, I open my eyes to find the boy who left me hanging is wiping his fingers on his joggers, eyes glued to the TV.

"Your parents are coming," Jas says, flipping over the back of the couch.

I sit back and heave like I just did 100 sit ups.

"Your tits out, Bella," Jas says, flipping through the channels.

Edward glances down with a smirk as I rearrange my top half, put some distance between me and Edward, and resist the urge to cry. My vagina throbs from the pain of no release.

"Goodnight, kiddos," Mrs. Cullen calls down.

"Night," we say back in unison.

The lights flick on and we all turn to look.

"Lights on when your girlfriend's here, Edward," Mr. Cullen half-jokes, half-tells.

Edward scoffs and Jasper full out laughs.

I wait a few minutes after his parents leave before I ask, "is that what blue balls feels like?"

My boyfriend and his best friend howl.

~!~

"I'm going to grab some food and head off to bed," Jas announces an hour later, handing me the remote, moving past the couch to the stairs. "You okay getting up the steps?" he asks Edward.

"I'll be good," Edward answers as he turns his neck to watch Jasper. The hand he's placed on my knee under the blanket climbs higher and higher before Jasper even makes it to the first step. "Movies tomorrow?" Edward asks, delaying the process. I want to scream, but he's inching his fingers where I need him most. I want him on me, but not when Jasper's here. It's totally gross to have your boyfriend get you off in front of his friend, right?

"Sounds good," Jas says, turning to leave.

Edward's fingers dip into my shorts and then my undies, and he finds wetness and my clit with the pads of his fingers.

I hiss softly and Edward laughs.

"I guess we'll call Sam and Paul," Edward says, rubbing two fingers up and down my slit slowly, teasingly.

"What about Em and Jake?" Jas asks, none the wiser as to what's going on under the blankets.

Slow fingers glide and slide and spread me open. One finger teases my entrance. Then two. Then they slowly glide up my slit to my very swollen, very sensitive clit. Anticipation almost kills me, and by the time he arrives at my clit, I'm literally panting. Jasper is a fool if he doesn't know what's going on right now, and I'm so thankful he can only see the back of my head.

Edward circles my clit and I spread my legs, throwing one over Edward's knee. I breathe evenly through heavy pants, but my eyes are closed. Edward's teasing on purpose. He knows I've been on the cusp since earlier. I'm so close I might just come before Jasper leaves.

Edward speeds up until my legs shake then he slows to almost nothing. This continues on and on as I huff in frustration. I think he finally gets the idea as he circles my clit harder and faster and my hips match his movements as they talk so casually about what movies are out.

"Oh my god," I whisper, grabbing Edward's wrist to signal.

"Jake will probably bring Alice, you okay with that?" Edward asks. His torso is turned so that he can look at Jasper who's behind us on the stairs.

"It's all good," Jas replies.

"Edward," I whisper softly. "I'm going to…" I try and move my hips, but Edward's fingers follow. I'm right on the edge and the more he circles, the more pressure builds in my belly.

"Do you want to come, Isabella?" Edward asks, looking right at me. His eyes are dark and telling. His question holds two meanings.

"Yes," I tell him. "I want to come." My voice is shaky and soft. The bastard smirks and presses harder, tighter, slower circles on my clit.

I reach over and into Edward's joggers. He's hard and ready and I stroke him, teasing him back. Edward clears his throat.

"Should we invite Rose?" I ask. My voice wavers.

"Sure," Jas says. "We'll just invite the whole gang."

"Okay," Edward grunts as I grip tighter.

"Shit," I breathe as Edward goes faster. "I'm coming," I whisper gently.

"Hit the lights, Jas," Edward says, leaning over and kissing my lips, absorbing my whimpers and groans and I come undone under his lips before the lights are even off.

I grunt and shake and press myself on his fingers as I spasm. He drinks me in and drinks me down and I hear Jas say "gross pervs" at the top of the steps.

I sigh after my come down, and break apart from his lips.

"oh my god," I whisper, leaning back against the cushions.

"Feels good, right?"

"Yes," I whimper.

"It's called edging," Edward whispers. Jasper's in the kitchen rummaging through the cupboards. He's still gently rubbing my clit, up and down with the softest of touches. My legs twitch and he stops before starting again. "It's when you're about to come and then you stop and you try and do it as many times as you can before you feel like you might explode."

"What's the point?" I ask.

"Makes your orgasm ten times more intense," Edward whispers against my throat.

I maneuver us up and back and kneel between my boyfriend's legs, being careful of his ankle. I pull Edward's erection from his pants and taste him. I've done this a few times since he first let me, and putting more and more of him in my mouth gets a little easier each time. Tonight, with Jasper in the kitchen, I take the majority of him in my mouth before gagging.

"Jesus," Edward tells me, his fist in my hair. I watch him watch me kiss the head and lick his shaft. I'm much more confident now, and I think Edward likes it. I've also noticed Edward loves to talk dirty. Tonight he repeatedly whispers, "suck my cock, baby," and that's exactly what I do.

He grunts a strangled, "I'm gonna…" before I pull off.

He wants to tease me? He's going to get a taste of his own medicine.

Once he knows what I'm doing, Edward leans back, puts one hand on the back of the couch, and the other on my head.

"Fuck yeah, baby," he moans into the dark. "I've fantasized about this for so long."

"What?" I ask, kissing the base of his cock while working my hand over the rest.

"You sucking my dick for hours."

I don't do it for hours, but I bring him to the edge a few times before I finally let him come in my mouth. His hips jut his dick so far down my throat his come makes me choke. I pull back immediately causing most of his load to land on my neck and face.

Edward coughs and relaxes and the look on his face is nothing but horny.

"Holy fucking hell," he grunts, milking his cock. I watch him jerk himself and lean down to lick the head.

I giggle at his grunt and walk the few feet to the bathroom to clean up.

We lay together for a few minutes more. My head lulls on his shoulder, his arm around mine, and his fingers dance across my chest, grazing my nipple every so often.

He asks me about this summer and what cute bathing suits I bought. He tells me to wear the pink one with the low back next time we all go swimming at Rose's. He leans down and kisses just under my ear and tells me he likes the way my pussy looks in it. I giggle and tell him I'll keep it in mind.

~!~

The next day at the movies I sit between Rose and Jas. She and Sam had a fight the night before and tells me, "I think it's time," as we wait for the rest of the gang to show up.

"Time for what?" I ask, stuffing handfuls of popcorn in my mouth.

"To break up."

"I miss Em," I tell her honestly because I do. I miss his quirky, raunchiness and the way his eyes light up for Rose.

"Me too," she says gently.

We sit quietly, watching and waiting for the rest of our group to show. Edward leans over Jasper to tease, "you're not going to have any left for the movie, snack baby."

With a mouthful of stale, buttery popcorn, I pick up the Reese's Pieces box from the cup holder, shake it loudly, and stammer, "that's what these are for!"

He sits back with a gentle smile and I hear Jas say, "where's your girl put it all?"

Emmett and Paul arrive next and sit in the row behind us.

"Lookin' good ladies," Em says suggestively, but we both blush anyways.

Jas leans over and whispers, "you really let him finger fuck you when I was still in the room, B?"

"He told you?" I choke, leaning over to glance at my guilty boyfriend.

"All morning, but he didn't have to! I have eyes and ears… and a nose…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, taking a sip of my diet root beer.

"Please," he starts, popping a piece of my popcorn between his lips and smiling. "That basement smells like wet pussy and jizz."

Before I can respond, Alice is bouncing up the stairs with a huge popcorn and two boxes of candy.

"Move it," she says to an underclassman from school who takes too long to climb the steps.

"You're so rude," I tease, leaning over to steal her box of sour patch watermelons.

"That kid is so annoying. He was in my gym class last year. Talk about teacher's fucking pet." Alice grabs a huge handful of popcorn and yells over the loud munching, "you break up with Sam yet?"

"Shh!" Rose spits. "No one's supposed to know."

"Oh come on," Al rolls her eyes, putting her feet on the chair in front of her, "everyone knows you and Emmett are, like, destined for each other. I mean, have you seen the way that idiot looks at you?"

Rose sinks lower and I throw a sour candy at her.

"What?" she asks, popping it in her mouth. I gesture with my eyes behind me and she mutters an uncaring, "oh, hey Emmett," before turning back and shrugging.

"Yeah, you're one to talk, Alice," Rose quips.

Al narrows her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Before Rose can answer, Jake walks quickly up the steps.

"Why'd you run off?" he asks her.

"Needed to talk to my girls," she says, looking forward and barely acknowledging him.

Alice sits in the aisle seat, so Jake is forced to sit behind us. Sam joins us just after the previews and Al bumps Rose's arm but I'm not ready to let go of the fact that Alice just totally dismissed Jake.

When I lean forward, Alice whisper-yells, "later!" before I can even form a word.

I turn to Jasper who's sneakily eaten half my popcorn and he offers me his dimple.

The movie is action packed and actually pretty good and when it's over, we clean our mess. I have so many snacks that I can't carry all of them and my drink, so Edward helps.

When he throws away my half-eaten box of Reese's Pieces, I'm genuinely upset.

"Edward, there were still some in there!"

"Like twelve," he justifies.

"Way more than that. I was going to save them for the ride home!" I cross my arms as he bites back a laugh.

"You dick," Al says.

"Come on," he throws a friendly arm over my shoulder. "I'll buy you a milkshake at the diner."

"Fine," I go reluctantly. "An extra large one!"

"Okay."

"Extra thick."

"You got it."

"And fries."

~!~

Sam and Rose decide not to join us and Em and Jake have to take off for work, so it's just the four of us.

I get my milk shake, extra thick, and a side of fries.

"If I ate that, my thighs would blow up," Al says, stealing the pickles from Edward's burger.

"Would not," Jas says over a mouthful of sandwich.

"Would too," she challenges.

Jas roles his eyes. "Okay."

"Do you think my thighs are too fat?" I ask, finishing the last of my milk shake.

"No," my best girl and best guy say at the same time.

"What do you think Jas?" I ask, glancing down at the soft skin of my thighs. They have gotten jigglier, and when it's really hot, they rub and give me a rash. Rose says it happens to her too though, so I didn't think too much of it.

"I think you have a very beautiful, curvy figure."

"Curvy?" I spit.

"Tits and ass!" Al laughs.

"So I'm fat?" I ask.

"No," Jas says genuinely. "You're beautiful."

I push the half eaten plate of fries away from me.

"You're not fat, Bella," Edward tells me sternly. When I look at him, his eyes are fierce and final. "Your ass is incredible, and your waist is tiny."

"He's not wrong," Al agrees. "And he would know," she begins, "he's only slept with half the entire female population."

I giggle at her exaggeration and the fact that my boyfriend loves my ass. He pushes the plate of fries back to me with a wink. Jas kisses my cheek. Al blows me a kiss.

This moment makes my heart double beat and joy exude from every pore in my body. This moment, in this spot, with these people makes me want to stop time and bask in the happiness. Edward is free with his words. Jasper is clean. Alice is letting go.

~!~

Back home, Alice and I sit on the porch swing lazily as Jasper helps Edward inside.

"Jake's really been bugging the shit out of me," she says as soon as the front door shuts behind Jasper.

"What? Why?" I'm taken aback.

"He's just, I don't know, clingier? Always wants to hold my hand. He won't even fool around with his dad in the house anymore. He told me he doesn't want to disrespect me like that anymore." She grows more and more frustrated by the second.

"What did you say to that?"

"I said I don't want to be respected!"

We both laugh and joke around and when she pulls me off the swing and into the downstairs bathroom, she asks me to cut her hair.

"Like the old days!"

"I don't know what I'm doing," I tell her honestly.

"It's just bangs, B, it'll be fine."

"I can't."

"You can. You cut Edward's hair that time."

"Your mom had to take over!"

"You're practically a barber," she jokes, handing me kitchen scissors.

"What if I mess up?"

She crosses her arms, taps her foot, and yells, "JASPER!" loudly.

Jasper walks over to the bathroom, leans against the door jam, and casually asks, "what's up?"

"Let Bella cut your hair."

"Why?"

"So she can practice on you before she does me."

"Alright," he agrees with a shrug.

Alice excitedly grabs a towel, the clippers from upstairs, and the broom. Edward and his crutches loudly make their way over to us. He rests on the edge of the bathtub to watch the show. His eyes linger on my bare legs and Lilac In Love painted toes. He ghosts one finger down the back of my thigh before Alice runs back in.

"Are you cold?" she asks me.

"No, why?"

"Your nips could cut glass."

Edward throws his head back and laughs at his sister's crassness where Jasper shakes his head slowly. He pulls his shirt off leaving both me and Alice literally stunned.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," Edward jokes.

"When did this happen?" Alice asks, gesturing to Jasper's toned mid-section and arms.

Long fingers skim over very defined, very hard muscles in a self-conscious way. "I've been hitting the gym with Edward for awhile now."

"When?" Alice pushes.

"Before school. Sometimes after. Keeps my head… clear," he finishes gently.

I smile at his vulnerability. Jasper's eyes are clear and bright as they watch Alice regard him skeptically.

"How short?" I ask, grabbing a brush.

He pulls a thin black hair tie that I recognize as Alice's from his hair. It his pink stripes that are so faded I had to squint to make them out, but they're definitely there and it's definitely Alice's. She must have given it to him forever ago when they were a they. She sees it too and I watch her nostrils flare in revelation.

"Buzz me, Bella," he tells me with a smile.

"Really?" Disbelief laces all six letters.

"Yep." He's sitting back on the closed lid of the toilet.

"You are your hair though. You've never not had long hair."

"It's just hair, B. It'll grow back."

I look to Alice whose eyes are still on that little, black hair tie. I look behind me at Edward whose eyes fixate on my butt. I clear my throat and hazy, troubled blue-greens wink back at me.

"Alright," I tell him, "but please don't be mad if it turns out bad."

Alice steps forward, takes a handful of hair, and snips it off without a second thought. My eyes widen, hers do too, but Jasper breathes evenly, tightening the towel around his shoulders, crossing his arms, laughing with Edward.

"You have this weird bald spot behind your ear," Alice tells him, maneuvering the scissors, snipping hair, and placing it in the garbage.

"A while ago, I fingered this girl in the back of the library—"

"Ew," I scoff.

"—I put my fingers in her for the first time that day. It must have been really good because she came so suddenly. I wasn't prepared. She started making all these noises, her legs started shaking. Her hand was in my hair and I thought she was seizing, so I turned quickly to look at her. She pulled a big chunk of my hair and I guess it just never grew back."

Edward laughs like he gets it. I cringe like a sister. Alice freezes.

We change the subject to something lighter, like Mr. and Mrs. Cullen going away for the weekend in August. We plan this huge party that will probably never happen.

"I bet Em could get us beer," Al says, sitting next to Edward, her head on his shoulder, as I slide the clippers through Jasper's hair. The right side of his head is bald and I'm working on the left.

"Maybe those Smirnoff's B likes so much," she teases.

"I'm in," I giggle and look behind me at Alice's small frame next to her brother's. They both have that same knowing smile but for totally different reasons. Alice knows I'm fun and free and flirty the last time I drank those. Edward knows I tried to strip for him in a bathroom, slipped, and banged my elbow on the counter the last time I drank those.

"We can celebrate little Bella's sweet sixteen," Jasper agrees.

"Two months early?" I remind him.

"Baby's all grown up," he announces, fake crying, wrapping his arms around one of my legs as I move the clippers over an already smooth head.

"Sweet sixteen," Alice hums.

"How fucking sweet it'll be," Edward agrees.

I turn to look at my friends. Al stares at Jasper's arms around my leg. So does Edward. Jasper looks at all his hair in the garbage.

"Holy shit, B," he announces, pushing me back so he can jump up and rub his head in the mirror.

"Oh my god you hate it." Panic escapes my lips as I think about ways to fix this.

"No, I actually really like it."

I back up next to Alice in this small bathroom when she stands up.

"Do you like it?" he asks softly, looking at Al through the mirror.

Something is happening, and I'm not really sure what, and I'm not really sure I'm meant to know, so I let them have their moment or their closure or their new beginning to this weirdly laced friendship.

"Yeah," she replies softer, shakier.

"B?" he turns to me, asking for approval.

"You look very handsome. Older. Wiser."

Edward scoffs, breaking the moment at the perfect place. "I'm not so sure about the last part," he teases, and then we all fall back into a jovial, lighthearted atmosphere where Jasper didn't break Alice's heart and Alice wasn't the only victim.

Later that night, after I reluctantly followed a YouTube tutorial and cut Alice's bangs into a cute little coif, I lay on my belly, on my bed, a book in front of me but my mind elsewhere.

I'm thinking about Edward's seventeenth birthday in a few days and our new plans for the fourth. We decided it wasn't fair to have Edward traipse through sand on crutches, so we're foregoing our usual La Push beach plans and setting off our own fireworks at home. Mom and dad agree to grill, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen agree to bring wine and beer, and Edward gets his dad to buy a whole bunch of fireworks.

The vibrating of my phone interrupts me. I sit up and see Alice sent me a text.

_I'm breaking up with Jake_.

I call her immediately.

"That's not something you text your best friend about."

"I didn't know if you were with your parents."

"It's eleven. They went to bed."

"Meet me on your porch?"

I sneak downstairs to meet my best girl with wet eyes and we sit quietly in summer heat, listening to chirping insects and owls in the dark. Edward's car is gone from it's usual spot in the driveway.

Alice sits quietly, nervously as she cracks her knuckles, messes with her bangs, does anything but answer. I give her time. I let her think of ways to let me into all the secrets she keeps from me. I don't push or pry when she's not ready. I just hope she remembers this when it's my turn.

It feels like forever before she opens up. The owl quiets down. The wind blows humid, sticky air onto my thinly covered chest.

"Jake's great," she starts quietly. "Jake loves me, I think. I mean, I know. He kisses me like he means it. He goes down on me forever. He holds my hand when he's driving. I can trust him when it's this late at night. I don't have to worry about him getting high off of who knows what. He's safe."

I nod in the dark, but I know she can feel it.

"Jake's great, but he's just not it for me," she says finally.

I put my arm around her shoulders and pull her to me. Summer-deep sky lights up with the moon and twinkling stars and I kiss the top of my girl's head who finally told me what I knew from the start.

Her body shakes with quiet tears. Tears for leading Jake on when she knew months ago this wasn't what she needed. Tears of disappointment that a normal, good relationship wasn't doing it for her. Tears of embarrassment because she knows they only boy for her is recovering, tainted by Bree, and hurt from all the months of unkind, hurtful words.

After a while, I turn to her and ask, "he really goes down on you forever?"

She giggles and slaps my naked thigh as Edward's car lights drive down the road, pulling into the driveway.

"Only because he could never get me off." And just like that, Alice is back with sarcasm and wit and emotions she hides from everyone else.

Edward hobbles out of the passenger seat and leans against the door.

"What's up?" he asks.

"What's up with you, freaks?" Al chimes back. She stands and moves closer so she isn't yelling at midnight.

"Want to go for a ride?" Edward asks us both but he's looking right at me.

"Sure. Let me go grab my phone from my room," Alice says, running back into the house. I realize I don't have mine either, but the only people I'd talk to at this time of night are going to be packed into this old Honda.

"Where were you?" I ask.

"Driving around," he tells me softly as I make my way over. "Jasper needed to clear his head. Your nipples are hard, baby. Can I taste them?"

"Okay," I whisper as he quickly palms my breast through my very thin sleep tank.

"Are you wearing undies under there?" he asks, pulling back the waist band of my shorts.

"Nope," I tease, diving into the backseat behind Jasper.

"Keep it in your pants, Bella," Jas teases lightly. "I know you two get off on getting off around me."

My cheeks blaze and Edward chuckles darkly. It smells like pot in here and I know my boys were smoking. They don't do it too much anymore, but Edward told me once when Jasper has a particularly rough day, he smokes a little to stop himself from using anything harder.

Alice runs to the car, dives in next to me, and yells, "let's go!"

"Where to?" I ask, buckling up.

"Anywhere," Edward responds.

We make it to La Push quickly with limited traffic. Jas parks us as close to the beach as he can without actually driving onto the sand. Edward lights a joint and pulls deep, passing it to me.

"Small hits, ok, B? This shit's strong."

It's been so long that when I finally take the smallest pull, hot, dry smoke fills me up and I'm coughing so loud. Jasper laughs and hands me his can of diet Pepsi.

Alice takes the joint from me, pulls a long drag, keeps it in her lungs before grabbing the back of my head and shotgunning me like Edward's done so many times before.

"It's not as harsh if it's secondhand," she explains. "Open your mouth, breathe in when I exhale," she tells me like it's the first time I've done it.

I do as she says. I close my eyes as she nears because it's weird looking her in the eye during such an intimate moment I usually reserve for her brother.

Our lips touch but barely. They're dry so they stick against mine slightly. She pulls back slowly as I exhale what she gave me.

"Am I just high as fuck or is that not the sexiest thing you ever saw?" Jas asks, looking at Alice.

I turn to see that the boys in the front are watching us and, embarrassedly, I glance down at my bare legs but not before I see Edward lick his lips and Jasper rub his bald head.

Edward never answers, but Alice takes another hit, keeps it to herself, and passes the joint back to me. I pull once more, daringly deep, and when I reach forward to give it to Edward whose midnight-sky blues are glued to mine I exhale so slowly that he breathes me in.

We sit in silence for a long while. Jasper turns up the radio. Alice relaxes back into the seat. Edward texts someone and I wonder who.

"That girl Jasper was talking about earlier?" Alice says gently, breaking the silence. "The one who ripped out his hair?"

"Yeah?" I answer when no one else does.

"That was me."

~!~

It's almost three before we make it back home.

"Wait," Edward says, hopping out of the car, crutching his way to the trunk. He pulls out a tee shirt and hands it to me. "Take your clothes off."

"Edward!" Alice says, slapping his arm with a laugh.

"You smell like weed, B. Your dad will spot it. You cant wear that shit back in your house. I won't look," he says for Alice.

It's really dark, but I'm boldened by the weed and the four of us alone together again, so I rip off my shirt, breasts bouncing on the way, and pull his oversized band tee on.

"The shorts?" I ask.

"Off," he whispers as Alice complains about losing her phone in the back seat.

"They're wet," I tell him softly.

"I know." Edward grips the waistband of my sleep shorts and shimmies them down my legs. The trunk is open and no one can see, so Edward quickly places my foot on the bumper of his car, covers his mouth with mine, and rubs up and down my slit once, twice, three times before Alice announces, "found it!" and Jasper and my girl both slam their car doors.

"See you later, baby B," he tells me, palming my shorts, bringing them inside with him.

I make it carefully, quietly into the house and up the stairs. I grab my phone to plug it in to find many missed texts all from Edward.

_We're coming to pick you guys up._

_I can't stop thinking about your eyelashes._

_Jas knew the whole time I had my fingers in you._

_Remember when I kissed you on that log in the woods?_

_I love you sweet, innocent, lovely Bella._

_You're in my backseat, Pretty._

_I can smell your pussy._

_Where's your fucking phone? I want to sext._

I giggle and send back, _sext, Edward? Really?_

He doesn't respond right away and I'm almost asleep before my phone vibrates signaling a call.

"Yes?" I whisper.

"I love you, Pretty," Edward whispers back. His voice is sleep-thick and high. "I love you so fucking much."

"Tell me a secret," I mutter.

"Our best friends are hooking up."


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the very kind, supportive words. I know I've said this many times before, but the reviews encourage me to keep writing! A lot of you said you'd love to see different POV's, so I think I'll go ahead with the story line when this one's done! Let me know what you think of this chapter when you're done!**

I wait for him to respond to his own comment before I realize he isn't going to.

"Explain?" I demand.

He's silent. He's so silent I pull the phone from my ear to check that he didn't hang up.

"Edward? Edward!" I whisper harshly into the mic of the phone.

"They went to the basement when we got home. I fell asleep for like 5 minutes on the couch upstairs, couldn't find my fucking crutches, and when I hobbled to the basement door, I could see them making out on the couch. I guess they got used to hearing my crutches and when I didn't use them…" he trails off.

"Why didn't she tell me?" I ask softly to myself.

"My guess is this is sort of new."

"Did he tell you?"

"Nah," Edward says through a yawn.

"Is this okay? Is Jas going to be okay?"

"Who knows."

~!~

Today's the fourth of July and my mom's running around like she's hosting a ball.

Our fridge in the basement is stuffed with ordinary treats decorated like the American flag: Rice Krispy treats dipped in chocolate, chocolate covered pretzels with sprinkles, red white and blue Mm & Ms mixed with popcorn, Chex Mix, strawberry and banana skewers, and a strawberry poke coke with whipped cream and blueberries.

"Mom, who's going to eat all this?" I ask, helping her carry, like, a thousand Styrofoam plates from the pantry in the basement.

"Well, you and your friends, Carlisle and Esme, some of our neighbors are stopping by, your dad invited some guys from the station," she raddles off more and more but my mind is focused only on the cute boy in khaki shorts and a grey t shirt who showed up with his friends early this morning to help set up.

"Hi," I said when I answered the door, totally surprised.

"Hi, Pretty," he smiles back. Jasper's next to him and Emmett and Jake are play fighting in our side yard.

"What are you—"

"Parents?" he interrupts, stepping past the threshold and into my home.

"Basement."

He pushes me forward, out of sight of the front door that Jasper leans against, blocking the view in or out with his body. Edward palms my lower back and cups my cheek. His lips spread over mine in a gentle, slow _hello_. I feel the warm heat of his tongue and when I throw my arms around his neck, he chuckles.

"I like you in the morning," adoration whispers against my lips and cheeks and chin. "You're all soft skin and sleepy-eyed."

"I like you all the time," I tease.

Thinking he's done with me, I step back, but he pulls me tighter, heavier, achier against the flat plane of his torso. This time, his kiss heats me quickly, flames lick at my bellybutton, the cuticles on my fingernails, my kneecaps.

Jasper clears his throat and Edward breaks away.

"You two can really go at it," Jas laughs and so does Edward and so do I but I don't even really hear what Jas said over the rush of my blood from my head to my vagina.

Emmett and Jake bully their way past Jas. Edward maneuvers crutches over to the breakfast nook and plops down in a chair.

"We're here to help set up for the party, B" Edward explains, biting into an apple.

Jasper meets my dad at the foot of the stairs, helping carry two fold-away tables. "Let me help, sir," Jas offers. And my dad does. He's good about limiting his lectures this morning except when Edward and Jasper go missing and I can't find my dad. Panic burns my throat.

I check the rooms upstairs, downstairs, outside, even the old shed behind our house. I pass Jake and Emmett who are spreading mulch in mom's flower garden. They don't even know their friends are missing.

"What are you doing, sweetie?" mom asks when I make it back to the porch.

"Have you seen dad?" I ask, trying my best to hide the fact that I really just want to ask "where are dad and Edward?"

"I think your father and the boys took a ride up to get more ice," mom says, laying out plates and silverware. "Here, hang these up around the house." She hands me bags of decorations like I'm not busy enough having a panic attack.

I run upstairs and check my phone.

Nothing from Edward.

Jas sends one text: _Don't freak or anything, but your dad might know._

Don't freak or anything? I plummet to my bed, lean back, and let the world I worked so hard for crumple around me. My heart drips out of the pores in my back and leaks onto my bed. I feel the way it cries around me like seeing your favorite tree sprout leaves in the spring, thrive in the summer, adjust in the fall, and die in the winter. You know what to expect, you know exactly what's going to happen, but it doesn't stop the shock and disappointment when it does.

My phone vibrates my fingers. _False alarm. He thought you were sneaking around with ME. I never laughed so fucking hard in my life. Little Bella Swan with Jasper Fucking Hale. I am DYING._

It takes me a while to collect myself from the earth shattering pseudo-news Jasper pulls on me. Dad thought I was with Jasper? Why on earth would he ever think that? What reason had I given him to even think that would be a possibility?

When mom comes looking for me, and her look of irritation from not hanging the decorations turns to a look of concern for her baby girl.

"Honey?"

"Sorry, mom, I just…" and I don't really know what to even say.

"You okay?"

Her voice carries concern and love and support and maybe if I just tell her, maybe she'll understand.

"Yeah," I respond flatly, sitting up.

She puts herself next to me and I lean my head on her shoulders praying she pulls it out of me. I'm too weak to commit to this lie and too weak to admit to my mom I've been with the boy next door, my best friend's brother, since the day he said "jizz".

"How nice of your friends to help today, Bella," she starts.

"Yeah," I sigh softly.

"Even Edward came with crutches and everything. He must be a really good friend." My mom pries, and I can feel the maternal gentleness of her eyes as they take in my wriggling fingers and clammy-from-almost-finding-out skin.

"His mom probably told him to come help." I don't even believe what I'm saying, and I can't imagine my mom will either.

"I thought that too until I asked him."

"What'd he say?" I ask, retreating slightly so I can watch my mom's face as she says it.

"He said his dad's been at work since five this morning and his mom and Alice left to go shopping before he even got up."

"Oh," I say softly.

"So, honey, why is he here?" Mom is soft and understanding and she pulls my hand into hers and squeezes gently. There's knowing written on her palms and in her wrinkles and understanding as she twists her body to face me. I want to say it, but I can't. Of all the people, I never envisioned telling my parents. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen? Yes. My friends at school? Definitely. Alice? Every single day. But, my parents? The only ones who could actively _stop_ me from seeing him? My heart beats against the bones that protect it.

I open my lips to answer but a strangled sob claws out. It's dainty and filled with the pain that I know will come when dad tells me "you're not seeing that boy".

"How long, Bella?" mom asks quietly as she holds her only daughters breaking heart in her small, open hands.

She allows me to calm slowly before moving my long hair behind my ears and out of my face so she can clearly see the crystal honesty in my eyes.

"How long have you and Edward…" she trails off not really knowing how to finish.

"How long have you known?" I test, unable to answer her original question because how long have we been what we are? Since he opened the door that first day we walked over with a plate of pleasantries when they moved in. Since he said "jizz" and smiled at the way my blush colored my cheeks and neck and other places. Since he asked for help with Alice's birthday card and invited me into a place I'd never been before—a boy's room. Since he slipped that note in my locker. Since he looked at me like I was the only person in the entire universe to ever hold his hand and his heart without crushing either.

Mom smiles her typical mom smile like she knows every secret in the world. "About as long as you have," she admits.

"Does dad know?"

Mom shakes her head. "I never told him."

"Why?"

"I wasn't too worried. I thought it was just a harmless little girl crush. The kind that lasts a year or two. The kind that makes you swoon and your heart flutter when he looks at you. But lately you've been going over there or staying over there even after Alice leaves with her boyfriend. Then you asked me to go on birth control. Everything started to add up. I wanted to—"

"It was for my cramps, mom, I promise!" I defend honestly. "We're not… we've never…"

"Okay, sweetie," mom answers. "But when you are… ready, please come to me. I missed out on a lot of your firsts because you wanted to hide this from everyone." Mom's warmth masks her disappointment. "Your first smile at a boy, your first butterflies, your first crush, your first kiss…"

"I'm sorry," I cry and break apart, heaving ugly tears into my mom's embrace. "Are you mad?" I ask. "Are you going to make me stop seeing him?" I weep.

"No, I'm not mad, baby. I just wish you had been honest. The moment I started noticing you were looking at him differently, that's when I lightened up, Bella. I didn't want you to suffocate. I didn't want you to resent me." Mom sniffs back tears now, too. "I want your first love, _this_ love, to be everything you need it to be, but you are only fifteen, honey. I know it's easy to get caught up, do mature, adult things…" she trails off when my tears flow freer, faster.

I shake and cry still in her arms when she doesn't acknowledge my last question.

"Why did you keep it a secret?" she asks, pulling me back, looking for an answer.

"I was scared. I was scared you and dad wouldn't let me go back over there. I was scared Edward didn't like me. I was scared dad would make us move. I was scared to tell you. I was so scared to tell Alice, so I never did. I'm still scared. I'm going to lose her."

And then my mom says the one thing I need to hear, the one thing everyone else hasn't.

"You might, baby. You might lose her. But, you're both young and as you grow older, as she grows older and sees how you and her brother feel about each other… things might change. Just prepare yourself that you might potentially lose her, sweetie."

She holds me through the revelation. I've been thinking it for so long and hearing someone else, my _mom_, say it out loud makes it real. What if I have to pick between my best girl and my favorite boy? What if Alice makes me choose? And then another thought crosses my mind.

"So, you're not going to make me stop seeing him?" I ask, pulling back from my mom's wet-from-crumbled-secrets shirt.

"Not unless you give me a reason to."

And then my mom hugs me harder than she ever has. She squeezes my arms and back and palms. She squeezes my heart and blood and aches from my bones. My mom offers hope and honesty and compassion.

"Edward's a sweet boy, a good boy. He's been nothing but respectful toward his parents and sister, he showed Jasper what a real family is made of, he's always been very kind to me, and he looks at my daughter like she's the sweetest flower in the garden," mom coos with charm before pausing, sighing, and then continuing. "Now, your dad's going to take some convincing. Not because it's Edward per se but because his little girl, his only girl, is growing up… which is why I sent him, Edward, and Jasper for extra party supplies that we definitely don't need… and also why I've made us attend all his basketball games last season."

I laugh gently, honestly at her revelations.

"When do we have to tell him?" I ask.

"We'll give him a few months, baby. I don't think he's going to take it lightly, but we'll get through," she says, brushing my tear-tangled hair away from my cheeks. "We always get through."

I nod and dry my tears on the backs of my hands.

"Jasper texted me and said dad thought he and I were together, not me and Edward."

My mom looks at me like I've grown an extra arm from my head. "He thought you and _Jasper _were together?" And then my mom laughs louder than I've heard in quite some time as she falls back onto my bed, grabbing her belly, and catching her breath. When I join her, my limbs are secret-safe-and-exposed free and comfortable with my mom totally and completely for the first time in years.

~!~

The boys finally come back, and by this time I'm showered, changed, and working on de-puffing my red, swollen eyes. My heart is light. My brain is free. My arms swing happily at my sides.

My hair hangs long and wet down my black tee shirt, tied in a knot at the side, and my denim shorts rise slightly as I stand on my tippy toes to hang a banner on our porch.

"Need help, little girl?" Edward teases behind me.

Pitter-patters of my heart excel when I hear him, feel him, love him. He has no idea what just occurred in my bedroom. He has no clue what I went through with my mom and I have no clue what he went through with my dad. All I know is that I'm so tired of hiding, and his smile makes me want to grab his defined jaw and rub the whiskers from not shaving for a week against the softness of my cheeks, my neck, my inner thigh.

"Yes, can I use your extra height?" I smile at him, trying to push all thoughts of his stubble near my thigh while my parents mill around.

Nearing seventeen, Edward towers over me, and every other kid at school, at 6'3. Edward's always been tall. Even on the first day I met him, he stood in his doorway as the wind whipped at my bare legs, and loomed down, swallowing me whole with his baby blues and pink lips.

Edward looks at me with a quirked eyebrow and knowing smile. I shake my head and give him directions on where to hang streamers, banners, and star cut-outs. When we make it to the side of the house, he turns me, pushes me against scratchy brick, and runs his finger from my lips to the center of my neck down to my breasts.

"You smell like strawberry cream and sparkles," he whispers.

"You smell like heart beats and freckles," I tell him back.

"What do freckles smell like, B?" he asks with a laugh.

I don't know what to say, so I stand on my tippy toes until he leans over and gives me his lips.

"Do you love me, Pretty B?"

"Mhm."

"Would you love me if I went on a fishing trip?"

My giggle is soft. "Sure."

"Would you still love me if I went on a fishing trip with your dad?"

"What?" I back away and look at him. He's smiling and shrugging and pulling at his grown-out, copper-brown strands.

"He asked me and Jas if we like to fish. I said yes, you know, to get on my girl's dad's good side. He said he camps out up north once or twice every summer if the weather's good. He asked me and Jas to tag along."

"Holy shit," I deadpan hyperventilating. Wait till my mom gets a load of this.

"Should I go?"

"Well you already said yes! He does know you'll be on crutches, right?"

"I'm only crutches until August fifth. He said probably mid-August."

"Do you want to go?"

"Anything to get him to like me. When he finds out the dirty, deplorable things I do with his daughter, something tells me he's going to chop off my balls."

"Okay one, he'll never find out what we do. Ew. And two, maybe we should put those balls to use then."

"You already put them to use," he teases, separating from me to help me hang balloons on our fence.

"I mean, like, really good use, Edward." I stop and look at him. He hasn't caught on yet as he ties the string around the picket fence.

"Oh!" He suddenly glances at me with wide-surprise eyes and dry lips. "You mean, like… You mean you want to…"

I giggle at his absurdity.

"Maybe for my birthday?"

Dumbfounded turns to heated in seconds. His smile is crooked and he's sauntering over. I hope everyone's inside because the desire in his eyes boils my blood and I'm going to have to find a way for his hands to get inside my shorts, like, now.

"That's what you want for your birthday, Pretty? You want my cock?"

"Yes," I whisper.

"Where?"

"Maybe in your room—"

"_Where_," he reiterates.

"I-inside me."

"You want to give me your virginity, baby?" Edward's suddenly soft as he brushes my waved, chocolate hair behind my ear. He's been so patient, never pressing, and I'm ready.

"Yes."

"Okay," he whispers heavily.

I put some distance between us as our neighbors walk by. Edward waves and I say hello quickly. I walk past him and whisper "behind the shed. Five minutes."

I walk around the house and collect stray garbage before putting in the garbage bins and heading to the shed. No one's on the back or front porch, luckily. He's there first and the second I round it, I'm against the dilapidated, warped wall so heavily I think the wood splinters as my head hits it. Edward wastes no time unbuttoning my shorts and peeling down my undies. His fingers find me wet and ready. Two long, warm fingers enter and spread me wide.

"You can't just say you want me to pop your cherry when your parents are anywhere in the vicinity," he grunts.

"Why?" I whisper-moan, scooting lower, jutting my hips, grinding my center into his palms.

He never answers me though. He braces one hand against the shed and the other forcefully drives his digits in and out of me over and over and over. He quickly takes my right hand and places it on my clit.

"Let me watch you," he says, eyes focus only on my center.

I give him what he asks for. His fingers pistoning in and out of me already have me so on edge that it only takes a few small, hard circle with my index and middle finger on my clit to come.

Edward doesn't quiet my moans with his mouth. No, this time he puts the palm of his left hand heavily over my mouth and watches my eyes and then my pussy as I come on his fingers. The pressure of his fingers and the weight of his hand over my mouth spur me. I am infinitely more turned on. I moan into the salty-sweat of his fleshy palm. I open my mouth and suck on it, biting hard as I fall to pieces.

I rub and rub slowly and Edward matches my speed. He stills his fingers in me, pulls out until only a knuckle or two is inside me, and then curls his fingers over and over, pressing up and hard, his fingers rock back and forth hard inside me.

"Oh, shit," I whimper, speeding my movements on my already sensitive clit. My hips buck on their own.

Edward smacks my hand away, determination etched all over his face as he stares me down.

His fingers press harder and harder over and over curling and curling until my legs and stomach shake in way that I've never felt. A pressure so strained tightens in my lower belly and for a second I think I'm going to explode or pee or both. I grab onto his arm, his shoulder, the bent edges of wood on the shed to ground myself.

Edward licks his lips and grinds erection into my side. He's hard and hot and so turned on. His smile is I-know-exactly-what's-happening confident and he chuckles darkly before biting his lower lip, moving to my side, and watching, waiting, anticipating.

"Bella?" someone calls from the side of the house. "Bella!" the same voice yells.

Edward puts his hand over my mouth again, but he's still inside me. He's moving his fingers a deliciously slower pace, but they intensely pet me from the inside.

His eyes are needy-deep and bold. Daring me to push his hand away as whoever calls my name walks closer and closer, so close I hear the crunch of fallen twigs under a boot. Edward's cock pokes into the softness of my belly harder than before. The fear of getting caught gets him off and I'm so turned on by it. He must feel the sudden gush of arousal because he no longer cares about staying still. His fingers slurp inside me from my wetness and I'm about to shake so hard this shed might fall over. When I look down at what he's doing, I notice his long, thick cock is released from his shorts and there's wetness drooling from the head.

I'm going to get caught with my boyfriend's fingers inside me, my undies at my ankles, and Edward's dick on my stomach. I make no move to change the situation.

"She's probably in her room," mom says to dad, and then we hear their footsteps retreat and the back-porch door open and shut loudly.

"Fuck," Edward groans. He pumps me three more times before removing his fingers from inside me and uses my arousal as lube as he haphazardly rubs himself.

"What was that?" I ask. "What were you doing? What was that feeling? It felt like I was going to… I don't… holy shit," I stammer, catching my breath, rubbing my slit up and down, with my undies still at my ankles.

He chuckles, bends down, and slowly pulls light blue cotton up over my thighs and hips. My arousal is everywhere. It covers my center, my mound, the inside of my thighs.

He places a soft, gentle kiss right over my cotton-covered slit, one on my belly button, one on my shoulder. He licks my neck in one long stroke and winks at me before righting himself. Edward's erection looks enormous and ridiculous in his khakis. He presses down against it absent-mindedly, like he does it one hundred times a day.

He points to a pile of sticks and says, "bring those in. Tell them you were in the woods looking for firewood for tonight."

"Okay," I whisper, shaking my head clear. He always has a solution. He's planned and calculated, ready for anything.

"Isabella?" he calls.

"Yeah?" I love when he calls me that.

"Whatever you do, don't tell them your boyfriend was about to make you squirt."

~!~

The party has been going all day, but it really didn't start until dinner time. And by it really didn't start until dinner time, I mean all our friends didn't show up and start eating until then.

Dad cooks dozens of burgers and hot dogs while holding a beer and an apron that says "my wife made me wear this" which earns a few laughs from the adults.

Emmett eats two of each and goes back for seconds. The adults have the entire backyard while "the kids" set themselves up in the front.

Emmett and Rose talk animatedly about the new scary movie and asks who wants to see it. Edward says he does so I do too. Sam and Rose haven't officially broken up, but he's not here, so something tells me he knows. Jake and Jas of all people sit on the porch and talk quietly. Sometimes Jake laughs into his can of diet rootbeer while looking for Alice, other times Jasper slaps Jake on the back in a friendly, bro way.

"The fuck are they even talking about?" Alice asks from beside me. She's stuffing her face with the messiest hamburger and sipping lemonade through a straw. Her lips are Revlon Stars and Stripes blue and glossy. She pulls it off stunningly.

"You," I tease.

Edward catches my eye from across the porch. He's made his way into Rose and Emmett's conversation about the movies and he smiles a smile that stops my heart and restarts it in the same beat.

"Al, you in on this movie?" he calls over the music and friendly banter. "Tomorrow at 7."

"You know I'm going to dad's banquet with him tomorrow, numb nuts," she calls back. Mr. Cullen invites Alice every year and she goes every year. Instead of the traditional daddy-daughter dances, they do daddy-daughter medical banquets.

"Bella?" he calls me next.

"Hm?" I respond over a very big bite of burger.

"Movies? Tomorrow at 7? Rose and Em. Me and Jas."

I look at Alice who shrugs. "You can tell me if it's any good," she says easily.

My eyes light up, but I shrug back nonchalantly. "If it's scary I'm leaving."

"Don't be a wuss," he teases. "Bring one of your frilly little sweaters to hide behind."

"I have to leave at 5 tomorrow," Al says over another bite not paying any attention to Edward. "Can you come over at 4 and make me beautiful?"

"You already are," I say with a ketchup kiss to her cheek. "But, sure. Okay."

Em and Rose disappear and Al and Jas sit next to each other on the steps.

Edward's enjoying a burger in the corner, but his eyes are on me and Jake.

"Love's a bitch," Jake shares, swinging lazily on my porch swing.

"I heard about you and Alice. I'm sorry," I tell him, but I'm kinda-sorta not sorry. I want to tell him the only people who didn't know Jas and Al would end up together were Jas and Al… and maybe me.

"It's cool," he says with a shrug. "Dude's an alright guy once you get to know him. Glad he stopped doing his stupid shit. Hope he treats her right."

"I think he will."

"He fuckin' better. I mean, they only went out like, 6 months when they were thirteen or some shit."

I try and do the math in my head, but much like me and Edward, they've been together from the start.

"Jas and Al have been what they are now for as long as I can remember," I tell him honestly. "For what it's worth, though, Jake, Alice really did like you."

Jake stops swinging suddenly and nods. "Mind if invite someone?"

"Who?" I ask, ready to say no if it's Bree.

"Leah."

Leah's a nice girl. She lives on the reservation with Jake, and I always thought they were just friends just like everyone thinks me and Edward are just friends.

"Sure," I tell him because everyone has their own little secrets.

Leah shows up within an hour. She sits next to Jake with a smile and he throws an arm around her.

"Hey, Leah," Alice calls.

"Hi, Alice," Leah says back.

They're friendly and genuine and this is just weird.

Alice had a whole world with Jake that I knew nothing about, and I feel a little less guilty about the universe Edward and I have built.

"Fourth of July looks so fucking good on you," Edward whispers, sitting next to me on the swing. My feet barely reach the ground, so I've been using body weight and momentum to keep what little movement I have going.

I lift my head and beam.

Edward uses his long, long legs to move us.

"I think this is my favorite holiday," I admit.

"More than Christmas?" he asks.

I tilt my head to the side and think.

"Maybe the same."

"Think that's why they call it Christmas in July?" he asks, rocking us back and forth like we're in our own world.

"Next year I want this to be real," I tell him. "I want _us _to be real. I want everyone to know. I don't want to hide."

Edward keeps swinging, putting his arm around the back of the swing. I lean back all the way.

"I'll tell everyone right fucking now, baby," he says. "I choose you and whatever consequences come, we'll deal with them."

"My mom knows." I tell him a very brief, very quiet version of the events that transpired earlier.

Edward chuckles softly and nods. "So now it's just your dad and Alice?"

I nod back. "Yep."

"Soon, baby," he whispers. "Soon everyone will know. We won't have to hide."

"Wonder what it'll be like."

"It'll be like it is now only in the daylight. I'll be able to grab your hand any fucking time I want. I'll be able to take you to see a scary fucking movie alone without the need for our friends. I'll be able to kiss you at school. I'll be able to walk you to your locker. I'll be able to take you to the back room in the library."

Goosebumps prickle my skin and I shiver.

"The back room, huh?" I joke.

"It'll be both our first times there," he tells me gently, softly, and I want so bad to reach over and kiss him, but Alice stands with Jas and I stop. I separate myself from Edward out of habit.

Edward stands, stretches, and says with a wanting smile, "I'll be able to sit next to my fucking girlfriend."

~!~

When it gets dark, Jake and Mr. Cullen line the fireworks up. The rest of us sit on the steps of my front porch. Alice, Em, and Rose on the first step. Me, Edward, and Jas on the top step. Dad and Mom canoodle in front of us at the front of the yard near the fence. Dad has his arm around her shoulders and moms gripping the edge of his shirt in the back. They're sharing sweet-secret kisses and gentle laughter. I wonder then, in this moment, if Edward and I will ever be old with a family. The thought comes out of no where and scares me for a brief second before he leans down and whispers in my ear something scarier.

"Look how cute your parents are."

I nod with a smile.

"That'll be us in twenty years, B. White picket fence. Two kids. Married."

"You think?" I ask seriously.

"I know."

And then he grabs my hand and holds it gently in his as the first whistle-pop explodes blue and red and rains down into sparkles overhead. I close my eyes and make a wish on the raining stars ahead. I'll let you know in twenty years if it comes true.

~!~

I'm putting the very last touches on Alice. Smearing light pink gloss over her already smitten, bitten, apple-red lips and dusting her cheek bones with highlighter before doing the same to mine, she turns to look in the mirror and smiles.

"I kissed Jasper," she finally admits. "It happened the other night. I was high as a fucking kite and he was there with his stupid short hair and his happy little smile and that laugh. You know I love his laugh, Bella. I just needed to see if it was still there."

I brush blush over her cheeks and smile sadly. "Is it?"

Alice's smile is anything but sad. "It is."

~!~

I don't force her to wear a dress, she actively chooses to. I bring over a long, black, off the shoulder one and a medium dusty blue one with lace on the top.

"I guess the black one, right?" she asks.

"Sure," I offer.

She slips her feet into gold sandals and pushes her bra straps down into the off-the-shoulder sleeves.

"Beautiful," I tell her.

"As pretty as you?"

"Prettier."

The boys barge in at that second like they've been listening this whole time. Jasper whispers low and slow and Alice's cheeks tinge pinker by the second.

"Do you turn back into a gremlin at midnight?" Edward teases his sister.

"Ha-ha," she mewls sarcastically.

"Hi, B," Edward says with a wink and tug at one of my curls. He glances at my frilly little sweater and smiles, eyes cast down, love written all over his lips. My heart beats out of my chest. I feel the smile at my lips also tug at my heart as it swells and grows larger, accepting more of the butterflies and thrill Edward gives with every glance of his beautiful blues.

We all walk downstairs to a very professional, very handsome Mr. Cullen who fixes his tie and winks at Al in the mirror.

"Wow," he gleams. "You look wonderful."

"Yeah, whatever. Let's go." Alice rolls her eyes through a smile.

Mrs. Cullen kisses her husband like Edward sometimes kisses me. Slow and steady then all at once like rain during a thunderstorm or leaves falling from a tree. Edward must notice my gawking when he stands behind me and trails one finger slowly from the center of my spine to the waist band of my jeans. He pulls gently and I stumble right into his chest and stay there until his parents pull away.

~!~

We make it to the movies 20 minutes early. Edward buys me popcorn and three different candies.

"You're going to get a cavity," he teases, popping candy in his mouth, too.

"Too late," I joke.

Tonight, I'm sitting between Edward and Jasper and I plan on getting to the bottom of this thing between Jas and Al.

"What're you doing?" I ask Jas.

"Getting ready to watch this movie. What are you doing?" he taunts.

I throw a piece of popcorn at him. "With Alice, dumbie. What are you doing with my best friend?"

Jasper exhales a slow, unsure breath. "Honestly, B? I have no fucking idea."

"Are you guys going to be toxic again? Are you going to hurt each other?" I use his words against him.

He steals a sip of my soda and thinks.

"It feels different," he says finally. "It feels like she won't take my shit and I won't disappoint her. It feels like we're mature enough for each other now. It feels like maybe she can be my light."

I nod in acceptance and bend over to kiss his cheek. He wipes it off with a dry palm and smears it on my leg.

"You hittin' on my friend, Pretty?" Edward whispers in my ear.

I sit back as Jas puts his arm around my chair. "Not even once. Not ever," I answer honestly. I glance around the theatre. We're almost all the way in the back, and I don't notice any kids from our school, so I lean over and plant one right on Edward's lips. At first, he's taken aback by my sudden, public affection, but then he grabs my neck, places his thumb at my pulse point, and gives me everything he can quickly, all at once.

I want to stop and whisper dirty things on his lips like "please finger me right now" and "I really want to feel your cock inside me" but I'm way too embarrassed and not sure enough of myself yet, so I settle for the least dirty, dirty talk I can come up with.

"I'm so turned on right now."

Edward growls on my lips and tears himself away.

"Fucking movie," he mumbles irritably and looks at me again before asking, "why?"

"Why what?" I whisper as movie-goers settle around us.

He leans closer to me and smirks. "What got your pretty, pink pussy all wet, baby?"

I look down, embarrassed, and then I glance back up at him with my own smirk. "Watching your parents kiss."

Edward's look of disgust matches Jasper's, "oh fuck, B, gross."

I look to Jasper and ask, "do you hear _everything_?"

Jasper and Edward both answer a simple, "yes."

~!~

Rose and Emmett show up just before the movie starts and sit by Jasper. Edward throws his coat over my lap and grabs my hand, brushing his thumb back and forth over silky, made just for him skin. His fingers dance and grip and love like a vice. Jasper has his arm over my chair, soft as a breath, so no one suspects anything for a moment, but Edward… Edward swallows my entire being. I may as well be in his lap and on his chest and petting his heart with the softness he gives me. I feel this pull, this charge, not only to Edward but to this moment.

This moment, normal with my boyfriend who holds my hand tenderly, quietly and all our friends. The only thing missing is my girl, and I hope, I wish, that she just doesn't even care that Edward is my boyfriend and she's okay with us holding hands at the movies and kissing in her basement.

As if he can sense it, Edward squeezes my hand. I look at him and he offers sincerity and devotion. His eyes say _you're the best girl in the world _and _I'll choose you forever_. My belly somersaults like an Olympic Gymnast.

~!~

The rest of Summer plays out the same. Jas and Alice rekindle their old love. Rose and Em do the same. Edward and I kept our flame going fervent and hot through secret touches, long, deep kisses with no prying eyes, and midnight orgasms.

~!~

Edward's off crutches by August, and it's nerve wracking to see him step unsteadily with his bad ankle.

"You're overcompensating," Mr. Cullen tells him. "You're going to lose all the strength in your ankle if you don't start putting pressure on it."

So Edward does, and slowly but surely he's able to walk confidently with his bum ankle. He smiles proudly as he takes his first step toward me. No crutches, no hobbles, just a sweet, sauntering Edward.

~!~

"I cannot believe your dad took my boyfriend and brother on a fishing trip with him. How random," Alice says the second day they're gone.

I want say to her, "I cannot believe my dad took my boyfriend and his friend on a fishing trip," but I can't so I won't.

Alice is at my house, and we're eating grape flavored popsicles on my back porch while mom cooks dinner.

"They'll be back tomorrow," I assure both her and myself.

"I hope so," Al says, looking right at me. "I miss Jasper's dick."

"Ew," I say with a laugh and a smile but I also miss Edward's so I get it.

~!~

When the boys come home, Edward says the trip was "good" and that's all.

I try to grill him and ask for details but he says he's tired and it must be true because both boys are summer-sun loved golden and sleeping in minutes down in the basement.

Alice is mad, but she cuddles up next to her guy while we flip through the stations. I lay back on a pillow, put my feet on Edward's lap, and fall asleep.

When I wake, Alice and Jas are gone and Edward's tickling my toes.

His smile is I-missed-you bright and his eyes are three-days-with-your-dad tired.

He tells me my dad was pretty quiet the first day which made it very awkward. The second day he opened up slowly. And the third day they couldn't get him to shut up. I nod like I understand because I do and tells me stories from the weekend like when Jas fell in the water and my dad slipped in trying to help him out or when Edward was on breakfast duty and burned it.

"Was he mad?" I ask referring to my dad.

"Nah," Edward shrugs.

It's quiet for a beat before I ask "Where are they?" referring to our friends.

"I told him to take her out so I could be with you."'

"I love you," I smile.

"Same," he careens, pushing me back and kissing my neck, sliding my zipper down and tickling the waistband of my undies.

"Pretty?" he asks.

I nuzzle his neck in response.

"I missed the fuck out of you."

His hand finds its way in my undies and I sigh slowly against his neck.

"You have no idea," I whisper.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Well, due to being quarantined, Bella and Edward got busy. Very busy. You know how insatiable teens can be- especially these two! This chapter is full of fluffy lemons and easiness as we prepare for the next chapter! If you're uninterested in Bella and Edward's sexual relationship and watching as it blossoms, please feel free to read the last third of the chapter, and I'll catch you in the next one!**

**I hope everyone's staying safe and sane and calm during this absolutely crazy pandemic! **

~!~

It's the end of August and hot heat sticks against my smooth legs as we dip our ankles deep into the chilled water of La Push Beach. Alice and I link pinky to pinky and heart to heart.

"I love him," she whispers to the sun like it's some earth-shattering secret.

My pinky squeezes hers in acceptance, acknowledgement, and absolution because to her, it is an earth-shattering secret.

The beach is busy and loud with last-days-of-summer sadness and excitement. Friends kiss goodbye to the last few days of freedom through grilled hotdogs and watered-down sodas. The sound of water licking the salt from our legs almost drowns out the feeling of my boyfriend behind me. Almost.

Still linked to Alice, I turn my head so slightly, and I catch the sight of him laying on my lilac purple towel. He's got one leg splayed and the other bent at the knee. He's wearing my sea-green sunnies and his beautiful, happy smile shines brighter than anything I've ever seen, and it warms the blood in my veins. He sends butterflies shooting down through every bone in my body.

"Bella?" my bestie says, pulling me out of my reverie.

"Hm?" I ask, glancing over.

Her lavender dipped ends fly in the summer breeze. She's giggling and looking back at what I was looking at, but she'll never know. There're dozens of people behind us. For all she knows, I was looking at some of the guys from the reservation who are currently checking us out.

Alice is in a teeny, tiny two piece. It's hot pink, and confident, and bold like the girl wearing it. My suit is a one-piece that cuts high on the hips and dips low in the back. Edward told me last night this is his new favorite. I can feel his eyes on my legs and my neck and the freckles dotting my back.

"Let's get soaked," she says loudly pulling me into the water and I want to tell her I already am.

~!~

The sun begins to set, painting the sky a deep orangey-pink. Jasper pulls Alice behind a building in the back of the parking lot. He gives Edward a nod and me a wink. It's his way of giving us some time alone. The only ones left are Rose and Em and Rose pulls Em aside, whispering a giggly something into his ear. Em stands immediately, pulling her arm. My laugh is light and silly. Rose throws me a smile. They'll be gone for some time, too.

"C'mon." Edward stands and grabs my hand. I slip my cover up on and follow him way down the beach so far away we can't even see the fire anymore.

He pushes me down and lays next to me.

"This is our year, Pretty B," he whispers against sun-soaked and salty skin. "You're mine this year. We need to tell Alice soon. I want to hold your fucking hand whenever I want. I want to walk you to math. I want to kiss you at lunch. I want to fuck you on the desks in the old math classroom in the basement."

I giggle at his crassness but nod. "Okay," I agree.

"Yeah? You'll let me fuck you in the basement?" His smirk lifts his lips and I kiss him swiftly.

"Yes."

We spend the next 10 minutes staring at the sky, talking about our summer, our dreams, our goals. He asks me things like how I like my eggs cooked and why I like green sunnies and what I think about when I'm home alone.

"The way your eyes turn blue when you look at my knees and how happy you make me."

"Really?"

"Yes," I whisper into the growing darkness. "What do you think about, Edward?"

He rolls onto his side and kisses my neck softly.

"This past Fourth of July."

He kisses up to my ear and bites my lobe.

"It was a good Fourth of July this year, huh?"

"Yep." _Kiss_. "You told your mom about us." _Lick._ "I almost made you squirt." _Kiss. _"You asked me to give you my cock." _Bite._

I stretch my neck and give him more area. I circle my hips and spread my knees.

"Do you still want it?" he asks gently, honestly, like I would even change my mind.

I nod fervently.

"Would you want it right now?"

Another nod.

"You'd let me slide your little suit to the side and make you come?"

"Yes," I whimper.

And so he does. Edward kneels between my legs and stretches my suit so it rests in the crook of my thigh and he trails his fingers up my slit softly.

Edward presses the tip of his fingers to my clit and rubs tiny, soft circles. My mewls urge his movements and now his fingers move faster and freer and I can hear my wetness as he slips his fingers between my lips and into me.

"Edward," I whimper.

"What, baby?"

"Please."

"What do you need?" His fingers pump in and out of me, but it's not enough. I need longer. I need thicker. I need _him_.

"You."

"You have me, Bella." His voice in my ear is honest and pleading. "I'm yours. Let me feel you come on my fingers, Pretty."

He works his fingers in and out of me, but my bathing suit keeps slipping back, pushing his fingers out of the way, and every time he stops, I lose it.

Frustration hits me. I growl in aggravation and stomp my foot.

"Isabella," he grunts. "Stand up right fucking now."

I do as he says. Kneeling, he walks me back to a group of rocks, and presses me against them. This time he stands, rips off my cover up, and peels down my suit. I'm naked in the moonlight.

"What if Alice finds us?" I ask through heavy breaths.

"She won't. I told Jas to fuck her up with a joint and do whatever it takes to keep her gone for a while. He'll text when they're on their way back."

My eyes light up with need and fire and Edward senses this. His smirk is proud and he drops to his knees. One hand grips under my left knee and pushes up and out as he pins it to the rock with his hand. His eyes are on mine as he licks my slit from bottom to top.

"You taste like sunshine and strawberries, Bella."

He kisses my clit three times before sucking my lips into his mouth and popping them back out.

"You're wetter than the fucking ocean."

His tongue slides over my clit feathery soft before pulling back.

"Jesus Christ, Edward. Make me come!" I tell him, agitated he's teasing and heightened beyond belief.

He stands suddenly, pinning my hips with his and grinding his hard as steel erection into me.

"You'll come when I tell you to come," he whispers.

I grind my hips into his as an answer. He kisses me urgently as two fingers find my clit and rub hard.

"Shit," I whimper. My legs shake and I swivel my hips.

Edward places his palm flat next to my head and his fingers move lower to my entrance except it's not his pointer and middle like usual. It's his middle and ring fingers. I feel him hook them in and up and when he presses them up against my top wall I gasp and grab at his hair, his arms, his neck.

He chuckles darkly and moves his lips to my ear.

"Don't come."

He slowly pushes up and moves his fingers in me in a way that has me reeling. My mouth is dry from gasping and sucking in salty air. I throw my head back and hit the rock behind me. He attacks my neck like a bear would its prey. The more aggressive his movements, the more incredible it feels.

"Fuck," I drawl out low and steady as he speeds up his motions.

"Don't fight the pressure," he whispers as he takes my hand and places it on my mound. "Take four of your fingers and rub your clit back and forth fast when I tell you to."

I nod, placing my fingers where he told me to.

Edward steps back but still in front of me. His eyes are downcast and his wrist movements are short and jerky. The second he begins to curve his fingers inside me, my eyes roll and my knees buckle.

"Push down, baby. Don't fight it. Whatever you feel, just feel it."

"I'm gonna pee," I tell him nervously.

"You're gonna squirt."

His fingers cause jerky reactions that I literally cannot control. My free hand is in his hair then gripping his neck, then his ribs.

"Oh fuck," I scream.

"Rub your clit, Isabella, and come."

I rub back and forth, and the pressure feels excruciatingly beautiful. All of sudden everything's wet and my legs are shaking, and the rock scratches my back and thighs as I fall. Edward pins me, milking me for all I have.

"Yes," he groans. "Fucking, yes!"

He's animalistic and I've never felt or seen or heard anything like this all the times we've been together. I'm insanely hot and horny and this orgasm he just gave me was the absolute most intense thing I've ever felt. My legs still shake. My arms jerk in uncontrollable ways.

Edward pulls me up and spins me around suddenly. I hear him pull his trunks down and distinct sound of flesh hitting flesh as his cock bounces out of its cage.

"I won't put it in, I promise," he whispers before grabbing my hips, pulling me back, and pushing my upper body flat against the rock. Its roughness scratches my nipples and I groan in pleasure.

Edward has one hand on my hips and the other at the base of his cock as it slips between my thighs and rubs up and down my slit.

"Ungh," he grunts. "Watching you come like that was the hottest thing I've ever seen, Pretty. You should have fucking seen yourself."

He pulls me up suddenly, arches my back, and holds onto my wrists. I close my legs tighter and he groans loudly. I'm drenched. My pussy lips squeeze over his shaft and when the head hits against my clit, I close my eyes and imagine him inside me. I try to fall forward, but his grip on my wrist keeps me in place.

"When I can, baby, I'm going to fuck you like this."

He continues his thrusting over and over, hitting against my clit and pulling another orgasm from the bottom of my toes as it explodes out of me.

"Edward!" I cry out, coming again, pulsing around his shift from the outside.

His movements become harder and as he takes a longer thrust, he pushes against me and gets caught at my opening. He stumbles in surprise, pushing me against the rocks, the head of his cock slips ever so slightly into my opening.

"Holy shit," I gasp. I bounce my hips back gently, and he slips in the smallest bit more.

"Stop!" he roars. I don't. I push against him again and I feel the burn as he stretches my opening.

Edward grunts and pants like he just ran a marathon. One hand rests next to my cheek on the rock, the other grips my right hip so hard I know he's leaving bruises. I love the pain and the way he loses control.

I push back more, wanting the burn to light me on fire.

"Baby," he grunts. "If you don't stop I'm going to pop your fucking cherry against a rock at the beach."

I circle my hips, trying to pull him in, but his grip stops everything.

"Please," I whimper. I want him now. I need him right here. "Please, Edward."

He disengages from me, pulling away completely.

"No. Not like this." His voice is softer but still lusty.

I turn around and look at him. His dick is red and huge and glistening with _me_. I drop to my knees and take him into my mouth. I lick his head, swirling my tongue the way I know he likes. I cup his balls and work my other hand on the rest of his shaft before I get an idea.

"Use my mouth," I urge. "Pretend it's what you want most."

"You want me to fuck your mouth?" he pants. I nod.

Edward cups my head between his palms, stilling me.

"Look at me." I do. "Tap my leg if you need me to stop." I nod.

He thrusts gently into my mouth, shallow, repeatedly. This isn't how I want it. I reach one hand down and cup his balls, and the other I move around to cup his ass cheek, pushing him, urging him.

"More, baby?" he asks. I nod.

He takes longer and deeper thrusts. He hits against my throat and when I gag, he grunts.

"Eyes on me," he says.

We're locked and as he pants, his palm grips my hair and pulls it so he's in control of everything and I love it.

"Where do you want my come, Pretty?" he asks. "In your mouth or on your face?"

He pulls out long enough for me to answer. "Face." He takes a deep breath and pushes my head down on his length.

I suck him harder and use my tongue to massage the underside of his shaft. He pulls out quickly.

"Open your mouth."

The moment I do, he comes hard and hot on my lips and my tongue. I feel it paint my cheeks and my forehead and drip down my neck.

He's panting, still milking his softening cock.

"You look fucking hot covered in my come," he says with a smile.

Edward helps me up and washes me off before pushing me down and kissing me hard.

"How much more time?" I ask.

"Not sure."

"That was really… I liked that, Edward."

He stops kissing me and looks at me. "Which part?"

"All of it," I admit.

His smile warms my goosebump-chilled skin, and he kisses my cheeks.

"I thought I scared you. I'm sorry. When I get… when I'm… fuck."

"It's ok, Edward. Just tell me."

"I like dirty, nasty shit, Pretty. I like things no one else should. That, what we just did, that was the tip of the iceberg."

"Tell me some stuff."

He shakes his head. "You'll judge me. You'll _leave _me."

"Never."

"I told you I fucked a lot, Bella. Like, a lot. No one could keep up with me. The shit I liked… the shit I _like_… I've never found another girl who was into it."

"How will I know if you don't tell me?"

"I want to fuck you."

"I know." I giggle.

"In every hole on your body. Your mouth, your pussy, your ass."

I swallow and nod. "Does it hurt?"

"The pleasure outweighs any pain you might feel at first."

"How many times have you—"

"For anal? A handful of times."

I nod. "What else?"

"I like to be in control."

"No kidding," I joke.

"Like, I want to tie you to my bed for hours and make you come when I allow it kind of control."

I smile and shrug. "Doesn't sound so bad."

He chuckles. "What if I deny you an orgasm as I suck on your clit for 2 hours straight?" He kisses just under my chin.

"As long as you give me an orgasm, I guess it'll be okay. What else?"

He sighs and rests his forehead against mine. "I like the idea of getting caught."

I nod. "Me too, kinda." My blush warms my chilled chest and cheeks.

He picks his head up and stares at me. "Yeah?"

"Mhm. Like that one time with Jasper."

"You liked that, really?"

I nod quickly.

"I fucking love you," he whispers. "No one—" his voice catches in his throat and he clears it. "Not one person has ever accepted me for who I am like you do."

I smile in appreciation and let him kiss my lips until they're so swollen it hurts, and then I let him kiss me more.

~!~

"Wowza," Alice whistles when she sees me at Edward's car the first day of school. It took a lot of convincing, but mom told dad that I was getting too old to be dropped off in a police cruiser. When dad finally relented to the idea of Edward giving me ride with Jas and Al, mom threw me a wink and I smiled back.

I look down at my black romper decorated with dainty white flowers and the low-heeled wedges adorning my feet. I curled my hair in soft waves and glossed my lips to the high heavens, but I don't think it's too much. Suddenly I'm not so sure.

Early morning August air and first day of school jitters have me second guessing.

Jasper stops suddenly and Edward walks into the back of him.

"The fuck, dude?" he asks, glancing up. I meet his eyes and his mouth opens for beat before he shuts it and walks past Jasper. Edward's wearing dark gray skinnies and a white tee shirt. He looks effortless yet handsome as he throws on his sunglasses and his smirk says _that's my girl_.

"Nice," he jokes, opening his sister's door and then mine.

"Take some notes, Jas," she says, rolling her eyes whose boyfriend is looking at my lips.

"What?" I ask.

With Alice in the car, Edward very quickly kisses the side of my mouth and smiles at me.

~!~

The day passes slowly. Alice is in my first four classes which I'm pleasantly surprised at. When we compare schedules, we notice that after lunch, we don't see each other for the rest of the day.

"Move it," she tells Bre, shoulder-checking her by the lockers. I giggle because Alice is so tough.

We stand and chat and laugh and talk about my upcoming sweet sixteen.

"We couldn't have your celebration this summer, but let's move it the end of the month, B," Alice says. Her parents never went away in August like they planned, but they did reschedule it for the end of September.

"Okay," I tell her with a shrug, and she bounces in excitement.

"Emmett can your brother get us beer?"

"Hell yeah," he quips.

I shake my head and glance slyly at Edward. His eyes are on my neck.

When the warning bell rings, we scatter unwillingly. Edward and I walk in the same direction, but we're far enough apart that it causes no questioning.

_What do you taste like today, Pretty B?_ he texts out of nowhere.

It's the middle of social studies, I'm bored out of my mind as Mrs. Shefler reviews expectations, and the warmth in my belly from Edward's question is a welcomed distraction, so I send back _why don't you come find out?_

My leg bounces in anticipation. He texts back 11 minutes later _girl's room in hallway C right now._

Immediately my hand flies up.

"Yes, Ms. Swan?"

"May I use the restroom?"

Her crinkled eyelids close in irritation, but she nods her head yes and I book it to the bathroom.

He's waiting for me in the last stall on the left. He pushes me against the door the second he locks it. His pupils dilate to black saucers as he asks, "how the fuck do I get you out of this thing?" He pulls at the straps and then the neckline and then the thigh hole. "This'll do," he says gently as he maneuvers me against the wall, kneels, and slides my lace undies over before tasting me with his warm, wet tongue.

My head falls back against the wall and I sigh in contentment. My fingers find his hair and I keep him between my legs. Moments later, the door opens and two girls enter the bathroom with loud giggles and comments about the new kid in their grade.

"He's so cute," one says to the other as Edward slowly puts a finger in me.

"I heard he just broke up with his girlfriend," the other says as he slips in a second finger.

I know we can't make any noise. I know we can't draw any attention to ourselves. I know that if we do, they'll be able to see 2 pairs of feet that belong to a girl and a boy. I look down with glassy eyes to find his blues, so serious, as he sucks my clit into his mouth and uses two fingers to stretch me.

I grind down and he allows it. I ride his fingers, his tongue, his entire face and seconds before I break apart, Edward stops. He sits back as the girls just feet away from us wash their hands and joke about Mr. Barnett's big nose and I push him away the moment their voices disappear into the hall.

"You son of a bitch," I whisper-yell and kick him away.

He chuckles softly, holding my ankles still as he glances up under his lashes and licks me off his face. When he feels I won't kick him to death, he stands slowly, leans his body against me, grinds the bulge in his pants against my belly, and runs his fingers through my curls.

"Think about the way that felt all day, Bella. Think about me almost making you come in the bathroom at school. Think about almost getting _caught_, baby."

"I will!" I tell him angerly. "And the second I get home, I'm going to finish myself off!"

He chuckles softly in my ear and bites my neck.

I push him away, clean up, and leave. I'm so mad and pent up and I hate him right now, but I really don't. I'm just mad that I was about to have such a super intense orgasm with his face on me, his fingers in me, and those girls just feet away none the wiser.

At lunch, I sit away from him between Jake and Jasper, but the second Jake stands to get his second lunch, Edward plops down next to me. I give him my back cross my legs, and turn into Jasper's side.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Mad at your stupid friend," I tell him quietly.

Jas puts his arm around me and pulls me into his side. He smells like musky cologne and Alice's Big Red gum.

"What'd that bastard do now?" he asks, glancing over his shoulder to I'm sure a very smug, sexy looking Edward.

"Well, go on, B, tell him."

I turn and give him my best stink eye which wasn't even that good because he laughed through his water. He wants to play this game? Fine.

I lean over to see what Alice is doing and notice she's talking to Rose about Emmett's birth maek, so I whisper into Jasper's ear and tell him what happened. When I'm done, Jasper sits up straighter, clears his throat and turns to his girl.

"Can you grab me a water, A?" he asks.

"Sure," she says, kissing his nose and walking away.

"You stupid asshole," Jasper says, hitting the back of Edward's smug, confident head.

"Ow!" he says, sitting up straighter.

"Go take her to the fucking library already. She deserves it after putting up with your dumb ass on crutches all summer."

I giggle when Edward huffs, he grabs my thigh tightly under the table and moves his fingers higher until he's at the crease of my thigh, and then he rubs his thumb where I need him.

He leans over us and asks so just the three of us can hear, "should I make her come, Jas?"

"Get the fuck out of here," he says, sliding my chair over to him with a chuckle, "and give it to her right, dick."

Edward smiles and squeezes my thigh once more before he whispers, "come on, baby, so I can make you come in the back of the library. Should I use my mouth or my fingers?"

My cheeks flush and my breathing picks up. Air fills my lungs in quick, short bursts.

Jasper, next to us, laughs softly and tells him, "both."

We both stand and leave. He uses the exit doors on the left and I use the ones straight ahead. I walk slowly to the library and Edward's already there, waiting, smoldering, watching the way my legs move and the way my breasts jiggle.

He allows me to go first and ushers me to the back of the room, past a pile of broken chairs, through the old AV room, and grabs the bell from the old TV stand. He places the strand on the door, ushers me into darkness, and locks the door in two places.

"How do you—"

"I used to come in here and jerk off before we started fooling around. Everytime you'd wear those tight jeans and that white sweater my dick would be hard all day. One day I just couldn't stand it, so I came here and imagined laying you out. Tasting your pussy. Fucking you against the wall."

I blush deeply. The fact that I make him so turned at school he has to jerk off has my belly hot and my center wet. "So you never brought anyone in here?" I ask.

"Never."

"I'm your first?"

"Mhm."

"Where's the light?"

"No light. Just feel." His hands are on my shoulders, tickling my skin as he trails down then up. "Take this off, please," he asks gently.

I slip my arms from the straps and it falls to the floor. He unclasps my bra and one hand grabs my breast while the other peels my undies down.

"Bella," he whispers tenderly, hotly, full of power. "I love you so much."

I smile into the darkness as his fingers trail over the wetness pooling at my center. His fingers press against me over and over and over and as rubs circles against me, my knees buckle. Edward lays me gently on a table, bends my knees so my feet rest at the edge of the table. Edward starts at my neck and runs his hands down my body, past my clavicle, over my rock hard nipples, down the crevice of my tummy, and to the wetness of my center. He kisses my knees, licks my inner thighs, and pulls my hips closer to him so my butt is off the table. He then pushes my knees back to my hips. Im wide open, soaking wet, and incredibly swollen.

"Can you smell yourself?" he asks huskily.

"Yes," I answer honestly.

"Can I taste you?"

"Yes."

And then his tongue is flat against me. No teasing. No playing. He's eating me like I'm the last meal on earth. His fingers pierce my soft skin in the most delicious ways. My back arches and I'm trying to hold it in, but when he sucks my whole pussy into his mouth, I groan loudly.

My hips grind against his face, and when the door handle shakes, Edward plunges two fingers into me.

I groan loud, louder than I should, and as the knocking grows louder, Edward's fingers drive into me harder, faster.

"Come whenever you want, Pretty B," he tells me warmly, attacking my clit with rapid flicks of his tongue. He takes his time tasting me, never teasing me. He gives me all of himself, allowing me to feel every bump and ridge of his tongue. The darkness heightens everything. I can feel so much more.

When the familiar voice on the other side of the door says, "hurry up," I absolutely explode in every sense of the word.

"Yes," Edward groans, "just like that, baby."

My legs shake, and I grab onto his hair, the collar of his shirt, the edge of the table.

Before I even come back down to reality, Edward's pulling lace back up my legs and handing me my bra.

"Times up, Pretty. Get dressed so I can see who's out there."

Fear strikes me. Who is it? Who heard me? Who's going to see us?

I breathe deeply, dress quickly, and find Edward. He opens the door and a hand grabs it to rip it open.

"Dude?" a big, burly voice asks. "Who you here with?"

"Uh," Edward stammers, pushing me behind him.

"Let's just go, Em. There's a broom closet down the hall we can use."

"No, Rosie. I want to fuck you on the table."

I decide there's no better time than now to let Emmett in on our secret, so I slip under Edward's arm and smile sheepishly.

"Woah!" Em says, eyes big, mouth open as he stumbles back. "Dude!" His eyes grow bigger and bigger. Edward pulls me into his side. "What!"

Rose rolls her eyes. "Close your mouth, Emmett."

"You knew?" he asks.

"Duh!"

"Alice doesn't know… yet," I tell him quietly, nervously. "Please don't say anything."

He nods slowly. He doesn't really interact with Alice unless Jasper's there, so I don't think he'd go out of his way to spill our secret.

"Who else knows?"

"Jasper," Edward answers, holding me against him.

Emmett nods and smiles slowly. "You dirty, dirty dog." Edward chuckles and shakes his head.

"It's not like that," he says simply. There's questioning silence between us for a few beats before Edward asks, "coast clear?"

"Yeah man," Em says, stepping aside so we can exit.

Before exiting totally, Edward holds me against him, kissing my lips so sensually that it makes me want to ask Em and Rose if we can share the room, but then he pulls back and smiles.

I trail my hand down his chest. "I didn't get to—"

Edward shakes his head. "Later."

I nod, kiss him swiftly, and walk to my next class.

~!~

The first month of school passes quickly. We fall into an easy routine and telling Alice hasn't come back up yet. Leaves begin to turn brightest yellow, burnt orange, and night comes quicker than ever before. Edward calls me every night to listen to me read, help me with my math, tell me about basketball while I soak in the tub. He listens as I shave my legs, hum the new Lana Del Rey song, eat cookies in bed. He tells me I'm sweeter than the peach he's eating, quirkier than his sister, brighter than the fucking sun. His words, not mine.

"Your voice is soft," he whispers into the phone. It's after ten, and I'm tired, but hearing him makes it worth it.

"Are you high?"

His laugh sticks in his throat. "No, B."

We talk softer than whispers about the party next weekend. His parents have a planned 4 day trip to Los Angeles. His dad's accepting an award and they decided to make a trip out of it.

"Sleep over, Pretty," he tells me.

"Which day?"

"All of them."

"I can't get away all four days, you know how my parents are."

"Just the weekend then?"

"Yes," I agree, "and I was thinking, Edward."

"Time to tell Al?" he asks after a pause long enough to make my heart skip beats.

"Yeah," I mutter.

"I think that's a good idea, Bella."

Tears instantly well. "She'll never forgive me."

Edward's silent. He's come to terms that it might be a very, very long time until Alice forgives either of us.

"Eventually," he reasons.

"It took her how long to forgive Jasper?" I'm half-teasing, half-serious.

Edward laughs gently. "He was a drug addict, B. Your just an Edward addict."

I throw my head back and laugh loudly before covering my mouth. "Crap!" I whisper, pulling the phone from my ear and listening.

"They coming?"

I hear feet on the steps and sigh. "Yes. See you tomorrow. Love," I whisper so fast before hanging up.

My mom knocks and when I open the door, her brow is cocked and a smile pulls at her lips.

"It's late, sweetie," she reminds.

"Sorry." I'm sheepish but smiling.

Mom shuts the door and sits on my bed with me.

"Edward?" she asks but already knows.

I nod.

"Things going okay still?"

I roll my eyes. "Yes, mom."

Her laugh is infectious, and she bumps me with her shoulder.

"Have you told Alice?"

"Not yet."

"You can't escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today," she tells me seriously.

I look at her like she grew another head.

Her head shakes and bangs fall in her eyes. "It means whether you tell her tomorrow, next month, or next year, it doesn't take away the fact that you need to tell her."

I nod slowly. "I know, mom. I'm scared."

Mom hugs me and kisses my head. "Who's your best friend, Bella?"

"Alice," I say immediately.

Mom smiles, closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, they're softer than her favorite cashmere sweater. "Who's your best friend, Bella?" she asks softer, her eyes knowing, her smile encouraging.

I nod slowly, taking a few deep breaths before I tell her, "Edward."

~!~

It's the Wednesday before Mr. and Mrs. Cullen leave for California and Alice's sitting in front of her mirror, trimming the ends of her hair, blowing the biggest Bubbalicious bubbles I've ever seen.

"How many pieces of gum are you chewing?" I ask in near disgust but mostly humor.

"Three," she manages.

I roll my eyes and laugh. I'm on her bed, reading _Lord of the Flies _out loud and taking notes for both of us.

When I finish the chapter and put the book down, Jasper jumps on the bed next to me and Edward falls into Alice's computer chair, twirling a basketball on his finger.

He makes it look effortlessly easy and so incredibly hot. I can't wait to kiss him later. He knows. He smiles and winks. His lashes are long and thick and dark. His lips are rosy red and wet. His hair sticks against his forehead from Indian Summer heat. His arms swell from the muscle he's put on getting back to the gym. I love this boy with my whole soul and then some, and at just fifteen, I can't imagine spending a moment without him.

The fear of him moving to Seattle, leaving me for school, scares me and I know he needs to, and I know it's not for two years, but I'm suddenly very aware of the clock that's ticking and the time we're wasting in the shadows.

It's at this moment that I decide three very important things:

I'm going to sleep with Edward.

I'm going to tell my dad about us.

I'm going to tell _Alice_.


	22. Chapter 22

**My job is technically defined as "medically necessary" in the great state of Pennsylvania, but I'm working from home for the foreseeable future. I know I knocked these last two chapters out pretty quickly, but I can't comment on when the next one will be. Read this one, sit with it for a bit, feel everything.**

**~!~**

At school on Thursday, Alice walks with me from English to Math to Science. Being with her in the morning is refreshing and fun. She's the class clown, my best girl, but the smartest person in each class. So, naturally, we pair up for everything. Currently, we're working on a science project in the library. She's sitting on a table that my chair is pulled up to, and her eyes are trained on the room down the hall, past the broken chairs, through the AV room.

"What's up?" I ask, taking a break from reading about photosynthesis and staring with her.

"Jas took me there yesterday after lunch."

"Really?" I flirt with her, tapping her knee, wiggling my brows.

"We had sex a few weeks ago—"

"You didn't tell me?" My voice is louder than my peers', and when I notice, I hunch down and place my hand on her knee. "Why didn't you tell me?" I ask quieter.

"It just sort of happened," she explains, "and I wanted it to be this sort of secret between me and Jas. I didn't want to exploit it or make it seem like it was this raunchy thing we do… even though it definitely is," she admits teasingly.

I smile because I think I get it. This is how I know Alice—hard shelled, tough princess, potty mouthed—really loves Jasper.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" My hand grips her knee letting her know either way is okay with me.

She smiles a true Alice smirk, slips down into a chair, and says, "I've never felt anything more fucking fantastic in my life, B."

I ask her to go on and her eyes light up, thanking me. I normally don't want to hear about Jasper and what they do alone, but this I do. This I do because I'm planning to do the same thing in a few weeks time. This I do because I want to be prepared.

"He's pretty big, so it hurt a little, but the hurt felt good if that makes sense?"

"What did it feel like?"

"I guess like someone's stretching you open with something down there, but that someone is the person you love and that something is their dick."

I throw my head back and giggle at her crassness, but that's truly Alice. She goes on to tell me he had to get her really wet, and he never stopped rubbing her.

"He'd go so slow until I was ready, and then boy did it hit me."

"What?" I ask. I'm on the edge of my seat. Literally.

"He started going faster." I watch as her cheeks pink and her breathing increase. "Then I came and it was abso-fucking-lutely incredible."

My laugh is excited-for-my-girl happy and I-can't-wait-to-feel-that anxious.

"Ever since then, I've been jumping his bones like once a day. Including in there." She nods to the room.

I hide my smile. Edward's only taken me there that one time, but that's okay. I much rather fool around in his bedroom, the woods, his backseat at midnight on a Friday. I'd much rather him kiss me sinfully soft and heavy as his fingers snake down past my pebbled nipples in his old tee shirt and the light cotton pajama shorts while I'm microwaving popcorn in their kitchen while Alice picks a movie in the basement. I'd much rather have feathery light touches under my shorts during the scary movie, touching my inner thigh, my mound, my lips as Alice cheers on the serial killer from the floor. I'd much rather have his finger run up and down my slick coated slit, tapping on my clit, driving me crazy as Jasper clears his throat and throws us a blanket. I'd much rather have near orgasms behind my best girl until he asks me to meet him in the bathroom on the second floor where he shimmies my shorts down and tastes me until I—

"B?" her voice pulls me from so many good memories.

"Sorry," I tell her, shaking my head of dirty thoughts she doesn't want to know about.

"Where'd you go?" Her head tilts, and she gives me a curious smile.

"I was just thinking if when you and Jasper get married, I'll be the maid of honor."

This lights her up. Her smile beams brighter than these fluorescents and she claps her hands in excitement. "Obviously!" she tells me.

We work the rest of the period on our PowerPoint. It's due next Wednesday, we're halfway done, and we agree to goof around the rest of the period and finish it on Sunday after the party.

Alice and Jasper don't show up for lunch. I smile and sit between Edward and Rose. Across the table, Emmett keeps his eyes on me and Edward like he's studying for a test.

"What?" Edward finally asks, taking a huge bite of pizza, narrowing his eyes to his friend.

Ang and Ben sit down at the end of the table with Jake and Sam.

"I'm just wondering about this." His finger points between the both of us.

"Why?" Edward asks.

"I guess because you're a dick and she's an angel," Emmett tells me with a wink.

Rose throws a fry at his chest. I smile embarrassedly. Edward taps my toes with his sneakers and smiles.

"She is, isn't she?" Edward puts his arm around the back of my chair and leans back.

"How long?" Em asks.

"Years." Edward's words are easy and honest.

"Why?"

"I love her," he tells his friend quietly.

I glance at him like he's the only one in the room and the smile on my face lights my eyes on fire. Edward can tell, in this moment, how much I love him, how perfect he is for me, how I much I want to be with him. Soon.

He quirks a brow and his smirk asks, "yeah?" and my blush says, "yes."

The rest of lunch, Rose and I talk about the party this weekend and how Em's brother is getting us hard liquor. Rose wants to get drunk, but I remind her who lives right next door, and she nods in understanding.

"So don't be a screaming drunk this time," Em teases.

"Go to hell. That was two times!" Rose defends.

We all giggle and I fall into her side when Al and Jas appear.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Em teases. "Where were you two lovers" Emmett's words are meant to make them uncomfortable, but my girl never is.

"We were fucking in the library," Al says nonchalantly.

"Oh, come on." Horror and disgust paint Edward's face and Al laughs. Edward tosses his pizza on his tray, unable to eat the rest.

"At least you don't have to hear me having phone sex all the time," Alice retorts and Edward coughs.

"Excuse me?" he asks.

"Yeah, I hear you in your room at night. You're not as fucking quiet as you think you are. 'Oh, you like that, Pretty? You want my fingers on you, baby? You want my tongue in your pussy?'" she teases, mocking him. Those words hit way too close to home. _I _am Pretty. _I _am baby. Alice hears us having phone sex.

For the first time ever, Edward's speechless.

"At least you don't have to hear him fucking anyone anymore, right?" Jas asks, recovering for us.

"I guess," Al says, "is she someone from Arizona? It has to be right? If it was someone from here, you'd just bring her over and fuck her. Are you celibate?" Alice asks. "You have to be. You used to bring girls over all the time in before we moved. Did dad threaten you? Is that why you do it over the phone?"

Edward shakes his head, finishes his water, and leaves. I watch as he goes. Rose grips my hand and when I look at her, she's smiling in reassurance. Alice talks with Jasper quietly about Edward's issue.

Jasper takes a bite of his apple and says with a full mouth, "maybe she's someone special to him."

Alice tsks and rolls her eyes. "You didn't know him a few years ago, Jasper. Before we moved here, he put his dick in any girl that let him."

I swallow and run my hand through my curls. Jasper's eyes flick to mine and he can tell I'm slowly losing it.

"I get it, but it's been years, babe. He's not the same guy," Jasper defends.

"An addict is an addict," she says nonchalantly.

Jas retracts his arm from her and sits up stiffly. I clear my throat and do the same. Alice turns to Rose and talks about what she's wearing this weekend to the party. My eyes are on Jasper's whose eyes are on his girlfriend. She doesn't know that her words meant for Edward just killed Jasper.

He stands to leave and so do I. He's hurt because of Alice, and so am I.

When the doors behind us close, Jasper turns to me and says, "wanna get out of here?"

I sense that Jas needs someone, so I nod. He pulls his phone out, presses some keys, and puts it to his ear.

"Your girl and I are skipping. You in?" Jas asks. He's quiet for a moment before he barks a laugh and says, "yes, _the_ Bella Swan."

I giggle into the mouthpiece and tell him, "let's go, Edward."

~!~

We meet Edward at his car, and Jas let's me sit up front.

"What the fuck, Jas? Not that I want to know, but did you not get her off or something?" Edward asks as he takes the turn to his house. It's nearing one, and we'll need to be back by three to pick up Al.

"No dude, everything was fine. I don't know what the fuck happened. After you left, she said 'an addict is an addict' and I just… I…" There's sadness in his voice as it trails off.

Edward's eyes flick to his best friends in the back. "You know she didn't know what she was saying, right? Alice never fucking thinks before she speaks."

I watch as these two have the most intimate conversation I've seen in some time. Usually, they're all laughs and teases, they save these conversations for times when their girls aren't around. But here, now, Jas needs this comfort.

"She said it though."

Edward's grip on steering wheel tightens.

"You've come too far, man," Edward says. "You're good. You deserve this. You earned this. Don't let my bitchy sister let you think differently."

It's then that I realize _this _means sobriety and not Alice. A life that's not dependent on chemicals to make you numb or happy or angry. A life that accepts you for all your flaws and weaknesses. A life that's beautiful and worth _feeling_ everything for.

"Alice hasn't been through half of what you've been through," I tell him softly.

"_I _put her through shit," Jas argues back.

"No," I tell him, "you made mistakes that she took on as her own. You grew up with parents who offered you nothing. Alice can't even fathom what that would be like. And the choices you made? They were yours, not hers. You've grown. You're trying. You're _succeeding_, Jas. We don't say it enough, but we're so proud of you. So fucking proud to be your family. We love you so much." Tears prick my eyes and my throat as I jaggedly swallow emotion.

Jas sits quietly in the back until we reach Edward's house. He pulls into the garage just in case my parents see me.

Before we enter the house from the garage, Jas stops me and says, "did you say _fuck, _B?"

I play punch his arm and Edward laughs.

"You should hear her before she's about to come," Edward teases, "we've got a regular potty mouth on our hands, Jas."

This time I play punch Edward in the chest which earns me a giant laugh and swat on my butt. He takes my hand and the three of us lounge around in the basement for the afternoon.

~!~

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I know, Edward's fingers dance against the bare skin of my exposed tummy. I sit up suddenly and glance around. Jasper's hunkered down in the corner opposite us, softly snoring. I'm flat on my back, head in Edward's lap.

"Hey, beautiful," he whispers.

"Edward," I mewl, stretching softly.

"You were moaning," he tells me, eyes on my chest, lip between his teeth.

"Huh?"

"In your sleep," he whispers.

"Oh!" I say loudly and glance around. The TV is off. When did that happen?

"Shh," he whispers, "don't wake him up."

Edward's fingers trail up my belly, under my shirt, to cup my breasts over lace. He massages each mound and plucks my nipples softly. I squeeze my legs together and slowly, softly gyrate my hips to feel.

"You look so pretty when you sleep." His soft voice tickles my ears as I close my eyes. "I can't believe you're mine, Bella."

Under my head, he grows long and hard. I move my head to his thighs, and kiss the tent in his jeans. As I do, his fingers trail slowly down my belly to my denim covered center. He uses his fingers to press against me and I try my best to keep quiet.

"Remember a few weeks ago when you said the fear of getting caught _excites_ you, baby?" His whisper is barely audible. I nod. He presses up against my center, against my clit, and I unhook my ankles to give him more room. "Would you like me to make you come right now?" I don't say anything, but I grind myself against his fingers harder. "Would you like me to touch you while he sleeps? He could wake up at any moment and find us, Bella" He rubs again, and again I grind. "Do you want that?" He stops when I don't answer.

My breathing picks up and I nod. "Yes."

He slowly pops the button of my jeans and unzips slowly, quietly. He instructs me to bend my knees and when I do, his fingers slide against me.

Edward shushes me and tells me we don't want to wake him. His fingers press against me hard and slow and when I'm about to come, Jasper shifts. Edward doesn't stop. His fingers circle faster. Jasper shifts again and sighs. My world explodes. My back arches, my mouth opens in a silent scream, my eyes lock onto Edward's blue-black-lusty eyes as they bore into mine.

He helps me roll through the waves, touching softly against my most sensitive skin. When I'm done, he pulls his fingers from my undies, they're glistening wet, and he licks them clean. His eyes shut and his hips jerk and I'm now aware of just how hard he is.

It's my turn to unzip and make him explode.

He doesn't stop me as I reach in and grip hard flesh. He doesn't stop me when I turn slowly onto my belly. He doesn't stop me when I pull him out and kiss his head.

He glances at his sleeping friend as I place him in my mouth and use my tongue on him.

It doesn't take him long at all. He's quiet but stiff and he grabs my ass cheek and squeezes as he explodes into my mouth. There's more than usual, and I swallow as much and as fast as I can. His thighs stiffen, his hips jerk, his eyes lock on my lips. Hot, powerful spurts continue to meet my throat. Like he does for me, I softly help him ride out his quiet orgasm until he sighs slowly and calmly, taking the base of his cock and pulling it from my lips.

"That was so fucking hot," he whispers, tucking himself away.

I smile and nod and agree and love the way he loves me tenderly, wholly, honestly.

"This weekend," I tell him.

"This weekend what, Pretty?" His hand slips through my brownie colored hair.

"I'm ready this weekend, Edward."

His eyes bore into mine and he nods with love and adoration and trust.

~!~

When Alice meets us at the car, it's like nothing even happened.

She runs to Jas and kisses him hard. "I missed you!" she yelps, wrapping herself around him.

His smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. He loves her, but she hurt him. I wonder if he'll bring it up, but knowing Jasper, he won't.

"I missed you too, babe," he says and it's not a lie. Truth exists within his words.

We pull onto our street and Alice turns to me.

"I'd invite you over, but I really need to ride his dick. I'll call you later?" she asks like talking about sex with her boyfriend in front of her brother is totally normally.

I laugh at Edward's disgusted face and nod at Alice. "Get it," I joke with a wink which earns a laugh from Jasper.

"Fuck," Edward shutters. "I'm going to go for a run."

"Good," Al teases.

I wave goodbye to my friends and walk to my house. Inside, mom's preparing dinner and I sit and work on some homework.

"Just the two of us for dinner, sweetie. Someone got sick and Dad has to work overnight tonight," mom says, stirring a wooden spoon in a pot full of sauce.

I nod and go back to working on my English paper. A text from Edward gives me an idea.

"Mom?"

"Hm?" she says over shoulder, dashing salt and pepper in some pots.

"What if I invite Edward?"

She stops altogether and turns to face me. "Yes!"

My smile hurts my cheeks from the height and when I send _come over for dinner?_ and he texts back _Count me in, B_

I let mom know and help her set the table. Shortly after, Edward knocks and I answer quickly.

"Hi!" I tell him.

"Hey, Pretty," he whispers. "Can I kiss you?"

I look behind me and nod. His lips are against mine softly and quickly. Suddenly, a bouquet of sunflowers is in front of me.

"What are these for?" I ask excitedly.

"Because I love you," he says easily, moving past me to the kitchen. "Mrs. Swan? These are for you." He hands my mom her own bouquet and the smile on her face makes her eyes glisten.

"How sweet, Edward! Thank you!" Mom beams happily and kisses his cheek when he hugs her.

We help mom set the food at the table, fill drinks, and sit to eat. We talk about school, mom's art work, and Edward talks her into making him a custom basketball piece.

"I mainly do abstract, but I'll see what I can manage," she tells him.

He nods and looks to me. "I thought Chief Swan would be here," he admits. "I was ready for an interrogation."

Mom laughs and waves her fork. "He's working overnight tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday. You're off the hook for now."

Edward relaxes visibly and nods. "I do want to tell you Mrs. Swan that your daughter means a lot to me," he pauses to gage her reaction. Mom stops mid chew and listens to what she's been waiting to hear. "She lights up my world with her positivity and unconditional love and acceptance. She never once laughs at my dreams when I tell her I want to play ball. She never tells me I'm crazy when I talk about us going to UDub together. She offers me herself with no apologies. She's strong and bullheaded in the best ways. She's smart and sassy and tolerant of even the meanest people. She can find a grain of hope in the worst situations."

Mom's finished chewing and by now, her napkin mops up wetness in her eyes. She reaches over to grab my hand, and now wetness tickles my lower lashes.

"I'm sure you know about Jasper and his previous choices. Bella has been nothing but hopeful and accepting of him. She offered him choices and reassurance when I didn't even know what to say. Bella's a tough, confident girl filled with so much love it flows out of her pores. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to love her."

Mom stands and pulls Edward into the tightest hug. It takes him a moment or two before his hands hug her back. His eyes fine me and they're just as wet as mine are.

Mom pulls back and with a smile, asks, "how long did you work on that?"

Edward blushes. "Since Chief Swan stopped looking at me like he hates me."

Mrs. Swan nods and smiles. "I might have worked on him a little over summer. He may not accept right away, not the way I do, but he will, Edward, if he sees what I see. If you continue treating Bella like the strong, beautiful young lady she is, her dad will understand what this is and he'll be more accepting."

The rest of dinner flows smoothly and easily. Edward helps clear the table and dries the dishes mom washes. I clean the table and put away the food and stand back to watch mom and Edward joke about his crazy sister and why she loves dying her hair.

It's after six when we're done.

"Mrs. Swan, would it be okay if we go grab some ice cream?" Edward asks as my mom plops down onto the couch.

"Sure," she agrees with a nod.

Edward makes a call and I hear him say, "keep her busy," and I know he means Alice.

I take breath and think about what it'll be like to just leave together without the fear and anxiety of being caught.

Edward grabs my hand and pulls me outside. We run to his car and, as quickly as we can, buckle and drive off.

I'm laughing and happy-high and holding onto to Edward's hand as his fingers curl around my knee.

"I love you, baby." He smiles over September night air and takes a familiar exit, opposite of Dairy Queen.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"The beach."

~!~

There's no one here probably because after the sunset, the night air freezes bare skin. Edward pulls out three blankets from his trunk and walks us down the beach to the set of rocks he pushed me against last month. Memories of him between my legs, touching my g-spot flood my mind and he nudges me with a gentle hand on my back. He leans against the rocks, sitting me between his legs, hugging me against his chest. He wraps us in two blankets, and his lips are on my hair and my ear and my neck.

He whispers love into darkness and sways us softly.

"I love your gentle kisses and the way you make me fly," I tell him.

"I love your fingernails and freeing smile," he murmurs back.

"I love your toes and your eyes in the morning."

"I love your lips and the way your skin tastes."

"I love your arms and your heart… and the way you'll feel inside me this weekend," I whisper the last part.

Edward pauses and then squeezes my hand in acceptance as his kisses the nape of my neck and wraps his arms around me in gratitude.

On the drive home, Edward says, "Jasper's planning a night out for Alice tomorrow. He's taking her to dinner and a movie in Port Angeles. They're leaving at three and won't be home until just before the party."

I know why he's telling me. This is our chance. Hours alone. No parents, no Jasper, no Alice.

I nod.

~!~

It's the next day and I'm freaking out. I want to call Alice and tell her, but duh I can't. I think about calling Rose, but I don't, so I pack my overnight bag with tonight's outfit, a lot of undies because who knows?, and makeup.

I'm in jeans and a tee shirt, very casual, and slip into a pair of flats.

Edward texts me _they're gone. C'mere, baby B _and then I kiss mom on the cheek.

"I'll be back tomorrow, mom," I tell her and run out the door.

Edward's waiting for me against the doorframe of their front door. A smile plastered to his face. He pulls me in by the belt loop of my jeans, and plants one right on my lips.

"Hungry?" he asks.

"No," I tell him.

"Good."

He kisses me all the way up the steps, against the wall, and in his room. No one's home, but he locks his door anyways.

Inside, there are dozens of candles lining his dresser, desk, and nightstands. He flicks the lights off, and flames dance along his walls and light up his ceiling. It's still light out, but his drapes are pulled closed allowing for sensual darkness.

"Edward," I say as he stands behind me, ghosting his fingers along my arm, my sides, my hips.

"Yeah, Pretty?"

"I'm ready."

He undresses me easily, his nose in my hair, fingers on my softest skin.

I walk over to his bed, sit, and crawl back. Edward pulls his shirt off and climbs up my body. He kisses my knee, my inner thigh, my cotton covered center, the beauty mark under my left breast, my right nipple, the middle of my throat, my left jaw, and finally my lips.

He gives me his lips in the most intense kiss. He envelopes me and holds me and allows me to process his entire body as his rests atop me. I spread my legs, keeping my knees on either side of his hips, and sigh into his mouth as he presses into my center.

Edward pulls back, rests on his knees, and strips himself bare for me. He's semi-hard and glorious as the darkening room allows the candles to lick him in golden light like a Greek statue. He looks loving and confident and incredibly humble like I'm about to give him the most precious gift of his life. His fingers are dust particles as they glide against me.

Edward takes this time to scoot down my body. His tongue snakes around each nipple and sucks it into his mouth. His licks from my belly button to my mound, and then spreads my legs.

Edward kisses my folds, sucks me into his mouth, takes his time devouring me. He brings me to the edge and let's me crash as hard as I want. He holds my hands in his as I ride his tongue, push down on his face, arch my back, and fall into him. He licks and kisses slowly on my sensitive parts, giving me all the time to come down from my fall.

He kisses back up, his teeth nibble at the skin of my neck as he reaches next to where we rest on his bed. Edward sits up, rips open a packet, and my brows crease. He smiles as he grabs the base of his erection and rolls rubber down his length.

"I love you, Pretty B."

"I love you, Edward."

He aligns himself at my opening and doesn't stop as he slips in the slightest. Edward grunts above me and his arm shakes next to my head as he pushes harder, stretching me further.

I gasp at the intrusion, the widening of my opening, the burning as he stretches me free.

"Are you okay?" he ask. I nod quickly, biting my lip, gripping his shoulders. "The heads in," he explains.

He pushes further, pulls back, and pushes in again. Breath catches in my lungs and my throat and my eyes squeeze.

"Bella?" he asks, brows creased. He stops to touch my cheeks.

"Go," I tell him. "Just do it."

Edward nods, straightens, pulls back, and pushes harder. He swallows a growl and looks down.

"Almost," he whispers.

He does it once more, and this time his pelvis is flush against my own, and my breaths come in raggedly.

"Are you okay?" Edward's strained voice whimpers in my ear.

He allows me time to get used to his girth and length and the incredible burning sensation of him finally inside of me.

After a few minutes, my hips begin moving and I need him to move. He's filling me sinfully full and I cant stop the motion of my hips. He's heavy as he rests his full, thick length inside me.

"Okay, Edward," I tell him, circling my hips, grinding against him, "please."

He lifts himself, kisses my lips, pulls out, and pushes back in. He's slow and gentle the way I always pictured it. I'm wet and I can feel my arousal painted where we're both joined. His thrusts are slow, and it feels like his fingers only a million times better.

"Edward," I whimper. "Edward, I need…"

"What?" he asks. "What do you need? Anything… I'll give you anything."

"More."

He pauses when he's fully sheathed and looks at me.

"Does it hurt?"

"Please just give me more, Edward. Faster. Harder. Anything."

Edward shifts his weight, a slight smirk shines in the candlelight. He pulls out slowly. He's gone. I'm empty.

I open my mouth to tell him something, but when he slams back into me in one hard thrust, I totally forget what.

"Oh!" I gasp, arching my back, spreading my legs.

He pulls back and slams back in three more times in rapid succession before pausing.

"Like that, B? Is that enough?"

His fingers grip my hair, his lips are at the crook of my neck, he sucks gently on my skin.

"Yes," I whimper.

Edward's grunts and my mewls fill the empty room as he continues to pull out and push back in. After all these years, all this time, the secrets, the lies, our childhood… Edward finally gives me the one thing I've waited for—himself.

His thrusts speed up and he's panting in my ear. "Baby, I can't—I'm so close."

"Faster," I beg. "More,"

He pulls back, pushes my knees to my waist, and angles deeper. Edward hits new spots. He's so much deeper. I'm much more sensitive. His thrusts are deep and hard and then shallower as his fingers grip my knees.

"Bella."

"Edward, right there. Don't stop," I plead.

His thumb rests on my clit and circles twice before my back arches to far off the bed I can feel my breasts bounce.

"I'm coming!" I yell as my legs shake and my back spasms.

Edward pushes in three or four more times before slamming inside, filling me up. He grunts loudly, animalistic.

He milks himself by pulling out and pushing in over and over slower and slower.

We both come to and when his eyes finally open, we laugh gently.

"Jesus, B. That was intense."

"Intense?"

"I've never felt anything like that."

My smug smile pulls a smirk from him. He's still inside, still hard, still thrusting.

"Aren't they supposed to, like, go soft afterwards?" I ask, closing my knees. It feels good, but I'm sore and irritated and puffy down there.

"Normally," he tells me, thrusting again before slipping out. "Are you sore, Pretty?"

"A little," I admit.

Edward rolls off me, disposes of the condom in the bathroom, and returns with a washcloth. He opens my legs and presses warmth against me.

His attentiveness shows his caring and adoration. He kisses the side of my breast, my cheek, my lips.

Soft and steady, he gives me his lips. I'm not sure how long we kiss, but when I pull back, these lips are swollen-puffy, too.

"How was your first time, Bella?"

I turn to my side and nuzzle into his neck. "Incredible."

He kisses my forehead and wraps me in his arms. We spend time in blissful silence, enjoying this turn in our relationship, wondering when the next time we can do it. His phone dings on the nightstand.

"It's Jas. They'll be home in an hour."

I sigh and extricate myself from his limbs.

"We need to shower, B. We smell like sex."

He grabs my hands and pulls me into the shower. Its warm and gentle, and he takes his time washing my skin. He puts soap on the washcloth and runs it down my neck, my back, all the way down my legs to my toes. He kisses my knees, my mound, my belly button before soaping my skin. He saves my middle for last, being extra careful. He spreads my lips and when his clean fingers circle my entrance, I moan.

He rinses me off and washes my hair with shampoo that smells exactly like Edward Cullen.

I take the cloth from Edward and give him the same treatment. I suds up his back, his thighs, his belly button. I clean his erection, pulling the length and rinsing him off. I turn around and grind myself against him.

"Edward," I whimper, pushing my ass into him.

"Bella," he growls. "If you don't stop—"

"I'm not stopping. I'm never stopping again. Please don't ask me to." I'm desperate-nervous and so turned on.

His hands grip my hips and he grinds back into me. "Never. Again."

He backs us up and then bends me forward. One hand rests on my upper back, keeping me slightly bent, the other glides his head against my opening.

"You're extremely tight like this, Bella. I'm going to have to—"

I cut him off by pushing against him, groaning in painful pleasure as he slips into me. I can feel my walls grab onto him and pulse. He thrusts the rest of the way and my ass bounces against him.

"Oh, shit," I moan slowly at the same time Edward sucks in a breath.

"Feeling you like this," he moans, swiveling his hips, "with nothing in the way," he pushes against me deeply, "is fucking fantastic, Isabella."

I agree but I cant form words. Edward pulls back all the way and slams into me over and over. I don't have to ask him to give me more this time, he just does.

His thrusts propel me forward and my breasts rub against the tile of his shower.

"Yes, Edward," I moan, setting a rhythm with my own hips. I push back and forth, meeting him thrust for thrust. My pussy throbs and burns and stretches over him, but I'm so close I could die.

I don't need to tell him, he just gives me harder. He gives me faster. He gives me the most intense orgasm I've ever felt. My fingers grip onto soap-slippery tiles, my knees shake, my thighs quiver. I'm about to fall when his arm pulls my back to his chest.

"Are you coming on my cock, Pretty? I can feel your tight little pussy pulsing against me."

He gives me faster. His cock swells.

"Can I come inside you, Bella?" His whisper soft voice is a furnace against my ear and it's the hottest thing anyone's ever asked me.

"Yes!" I scream.

He shoves us against the wall, his hips pin me still. His pelvis hits against my ass over and over and over and I'm coming again as his cock pistons in and out harder and faster than before.

"Oh my god," I groan, gripping onto his forearms. "Like that," I plead.

Edward slams into me finally and he's more swollen than ever and I feel it. He pulses so intensely inside me that I jump. I feel it all at once as his come shoots inside me warm and wet.

"Fuck!" Edward roars, pounding onto the shower tile as he pumps everything he has left deep inside me.

He gives us a few moments to catch our breaths before he pulls out and emptiness settles in.

Edward sucks on my neck, cleaning me up for the second time.

"That was so, _so _good, Edward," I tell him as we towel off.

"It was," he agrees.

We dry off and dress slowly. Feeling Edward inside me like that, filling me deeper than before, with nothing in the way was unbelievable.

"I'll go get us something to drink," Edward says, pulling a shirt over his head. "Don't move." He kisses my cheek before running down the steps.

I towel dry my hair and look through my bag. I can't find my brush, so I step over to Alice's room and look for hers. It's not in her makeup bag or on her dresser. I spend a few minutes looking for it before I hear, "watchya lookin' for?"

I freeze. My cheeks light up. My heart has never beat so fast in it's life.

"Y-your br-brush," I explain. I can feel my eyes bulging, so I refrain from looking at her.

She steps over to her desk and pulls it out of the top drawer. "I didn't think you'd be here so early, B. Jas and I went to the movies."

I nod as she hands it to me, still not meeting her eyes.

"Why's your hair wet? Did you shower here?" Questioning fills her voice. She's slow and suspicious.

I finally meet her eyes. They're squints. She's trying to figure something out.

"Bella?" she asks slowly.

"Alice, I—"

"B, I think you left this downstairs," Jas says, holding my overnight bag in his hands.

"Yes," I say, licking my lips. Jasper's face says _calm, breathe, relax_. "Thanks, Jas." I grab it with shaky fingers.

"No problem," he says and I watch him retreat into Edward's room. The glow of candles illuminates the darkened hallway before he shuts the door.

"My hair dryer broke," I tell her suddenly. "I got out of the shower and went to do my hair for the party and it wouldn't turn on so I got dressed and came over here to find yours. I hope you don't mind?"

Alice glances at me and shrugs. "Hair dryer is in the bathroom. You know that, B."

I smile and before I leave her room, her next question stops me. "Did your brush break, too?"

"Huh?" I ask.

"You're using my brush. Did your brush at your house break, too?" She's not trying to trap me, but her suspicions are doing it anyways.

"I uh, I read this article in a magazine that said you should wait twenty minutes to brush your hair after you wash it. I guess it cuts down on breakage or something."

"Oh, well shit I should try that then," she tells me.

I scurry out of the room before she can think of anything else to grill me about.

I spend much more time than needed drying and styling my hair. I use her waver and spritz with hairspray. Alice opens the door and gasps.

"Do my hair like that!" she pleads

My nerves have calmed, and I nod. "Okay, come here."

We spend the next fifteen minutes talking about the fact that they saw an earlier movie and decided to pull off and screw in the backseat of Mrs. Cullen's car instead of going to dinner.

"I can never sit in the backseat again," I tell her with a laugh.

She laughs loudly and blows me a kiss in the mirror.

I wonder, then, how long it'll take her to love me this much again after she finds out about me and her brother.

The boys knock on the door and hand us each a drink.

"I don't like beer," I tell them.

"I know," says Edward, handing me a drink. "Cranberry vodka," he explains.

I take a sip. It's strong but drinkable.

"I didn't know you hate beer," Alice says.

She's putting a lot of puzzle pieces together tonight and we need to get her drunk quick before she finds out before I'm ready to tell her.

"Yes you did," I lie. "Remember at the last party you handed me a beer and I said 'I hate beer' so you drank it instead."

Her laughs fills the room. "I guess that explains why I don't remember."

The boys head downstairs and turn the music up. Rose meets us in the bathroom. She's in a skin tight black dress and gold heels.

"Shit, Rose," Alice says, glancing down at her baggy jeans and band tee. "I look like a hobo next to you. I'm going to change."

Alice leaves and Rose closes the door to pee as I finish my makeup.

"I need to tell you something and you cannot tell anyone, Rose, okay?"

"What's up?"

"I slept with Edward."

"What!" she screeches.

"Shh!" I whisper-yell.

"Tell me everything. Quick!"

"Like two hours ago. It was awesome. It hurt but it felt so freaking good. He made me orgasm. He's so long and thick and oh my god I can't believe it took me this long," I explain so quickly I'm sure all my words run together.

She smiles knowingly. "It only gets better."

"Then we did it again in the shower like twenty minutes later. From behind. Rosalie, it was _phenomenal_."

"Oh shit, Bella, tell me more."

I giggle and bounce and tell her my vagina is so sore but I hope we can do it again later.

"Drunk sex is so awesome," she sighs as Alice opens the door.

"Isn't it?" Alice agrees. "Jas and I already fucked today, but I'm gonna ride his dick so good later."

Rose and Alice talk riding techniques, and I excuse myself and head down stairs.

"Fuck you're so hot," Edward says, grabbing my hips and kissing my lips.

"You're one to talk."

I sip my drink he made. It's half gone and so am I, I realize. When he sways me, it takes me a moment to regain myself. My cheeks are flushed warm and tingly, and my giggles don't stop once they start.

Paul and Sam show up with two girls from the reservation. Jake shows up shortly after draped with two girls of his own. They're nice, I guess. Long black hair and dark eyes. Jake looks like he's going to get lucky with _both_ tonight. I'm sitting on the counter throwing popcorn into Jasper's mouth. I'm on my second drink and I'm totally gone now. I jump off the counter and run into Jasper's arm screaming "goal!" when I make it.

"Cut her off!" Emmett yells with a laugh.

Alice shoves him. "She's having fun. Leave her alone, numb nuts."

I run over and kiss Alice right on the lips before I fall into her brothers lap without a care.

He laughs and tries putting me in the seat next to him.

Alice falls in a fit of hysterics. "Maybe we _should_ cut her off."

I decide to lay off when Edward hands me the rest of his water. I down it quickly as he opens another beer. He's not wasted, but he's definitely not sober. His movements are slow and sloppy and his eyes crinkle when he laughs. Alcohol paints his cheeks a burnt pink color that I cant stop looking at.

Later, I'm back on the counter and Alice is in the basement. Jasper turns the music up when I yell "this is my jam!"

My hips sway and I dance to the beat. I close my eyes and pull my hair into a high pony when I suddenly feel warm, heavy lips kissing me sloppily, and shortly after kissing him back, I hear a very sudden, very surprised gasp and then a very angry, very hurt, "what the fuck!"

I pull back like I'm struck by lightening. My fingers go to my lips and my eyes focus from Edward to Alice who charges over and pushes her brother away.

He's just as surprised as I am. She beats his chest with closed fists and rage. Jasper moves from his spot against the fridge to pull his confused girlfriend away from her brother, Edward puts a handout and shakes his head. Edward's letting her take it all out on him so she's too tired to do it to me.

But I can't let him take all the blame. I can't let this happen. I'm just as much to blame. Alice's heart splinters and breaks with every punch to her brothers chest, but mine melts to anxiety and fear when I jump off the counter.

"Alice," I call her, hoping she hears me over her fury. She continues pounding fist to cotton covered flesh. "Alice!" I yell louder. I'm suddenly sober and very aware.

My lips are still tingling from her brothers very surprising, very public kiss.

"How could you!" she yells. "I knew it!" she screams. "I fucking knew it!"

Alice loses steam and Jasper pulls her back now.

"Al," I whisper through tears. "Al I—"

But I don't get to finish because her open handed palm slaps across my cheek.

It's hot and stinging and everyone in the house is quiet.

Sam and Paul and Jake line the hallway with their girls behind them. Rose and Em and our other friends sit at the table and watch. Everyone's jaws drop. They're not only surprised at Edward's kiss but at Alice's reaction.

I glance up to Alice who's seething in Jasper's arms. She breathes and breathes and gasps for air.

"I hate you," she tells me.

Her words hurt more than her slap.

"I hate you, Bella."

Jasper pushes Alice past the boys and out the front door. I hear a car start up and reverse out of the driveway.

Alice knows.

Alice is gone.

Alice hates me.

All three fears suddenly come to life. I've prepared for this, but it hurts so much more than I thought it would. My heart dangles from its confinement, pounding against my chest to break free. To escape this pain.

Tears don't come as quick as I thought they would, but when they do, I can't stop them.

"Everyone but Rosalie and Emmett get the fuck out!" Edward bellows.

They don't wait around to be told twice.

Edward's arms wrap around me in a strong hold that I don't fight.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he tells me. "I'm so fucking sorry."

I shake my head through increasing sobs.

He pulls me down into the basement and lets me cry against him until I'm all dried up.

"I'm so sorry," he says over and over, rubbing dried tear tracks off my cheeks.

"Don't be," I say when I can manage words. "She was going to find out sooner or later, right?"

"I'm here," he tells me. "You might lose her, but you still have me."

I nod.

We stand and help Rose and Em clean the house. I'm tying the last bag of garbage and glancing at the clock, 2:07 in the morning, when the front door opens.

Footsteps fall slowly in the hallway. Jasper's hand holds Alice's whose eyes are darts of hatred and fuming anger. I wonder how much or what Jasper told her.

"How long?" she asks, looking right at the hickey Edward gave me earlier. Earlier in our little bubble when we were all alone, unnoticed, giving ourselves to one another.

"How fucking long, Bella?" she yells again.

"Since I was 13!" I tell her honestly. But truthfully, since you moved here, I want to tell her but don't.

"I hate you," she tells me evenly. "Best friends don't lie for fucking _years_!" Her voice grows progressively angrier and breakage on the last word. Her tone says _you betrayed me_ and _I'm heartbroken _and_ my fucking brother?_

"I'm—"

"Save it," Alice tells me.

Edward stands near me, fingers on mine.

"I don't want to see you again," she says, turning to leave.

"That's going to be hard," Edward interrupts, "seeing as though she's my girlfriend."


	23. Chapter 23

The following month is awkward and weird. It's full of shock that Alice has found out, pain that she no longer speaks to me, and a lot of anger. A lot.

On Sunday, after passing out in Edward's bed, we wake fully clothed, bathed in light. Puffy-swollen eyes hurt as I press my palms against the dryness.

Edward wraps me up in love and acceptance before we walk down the stairs. I tip-toe and he stampedes.

"She's gone," he says. "Jas took her to breakfast. He texted me earlier."

I nod and walk my head into his chest. My heavy heart dangles by very splintered, very thin stings of tissue. I feel the sway between my bones and sink into Edward's love.

I pack up and walk home after kissing Edward's soft smile.

"I know you're sad, Bella," he says softly on his doorstep, "but we don't have to hide anymore."

When I get home, I fall asleep on my bed. It's after 12 when I wake up, and no new messages on my phone. I spend the rest of the day calling and texting her. She gives me nothing. I remind her that we have a science project due on Wednesday. No response.

Just before dinner, Jas texts me _just give her some time and space, B._

I spend the rest of the day moping.

My fingers tingle from heartbreak. My heavy heart hangs on by the tiniest piece of mangled tissue, dangling the only thing that keeps me alive in my chest cavity. Alice doesn't understand that everything I did—the hiding, sneaking, secreting—was to protect her. She kept many things from me. _Many_. If I wasn't so preoccupied, I wonder if I'd have put up with her dishonesty, disloyalty, disappointment?

When I take a bath later, I think about Edward and what he must be going through. I might have lost my best girl, but he destroyed any relationship he slowly rebuilt with his sister over the years. He prepared me for this. He told me, years ago, when I was 13, that this wasn't a good idea. He told me then he didn't want to destroy what Alice and I had. Maybe I should have told him the same thing. Maybe I should have been the one protecting him, telling him to stay away, keeping him at arms length to shield him from this moment.

Who am I kidding? Edward was always my destiny. Every decision I made in my life—the dress I chose to wear that day he moved in, the cookies I asked mom to make to bring over to the new neighbors, asking to see his 17th photo on his phone, wearing short shorts so he could see my undies— was intentional and this moment right now was supposed to happen. Always. Forever.

Because that's what we are, he and I, always and forever. Edward and I are endgame. Edward and I have plans and a future. We're under-the-blanket secrets, simply sweet summer-time freckle kisses, ashes on my shoes in the backyard, midnight rides in the Honda, butterfly kisses on my cheek after dinner, sock covered toes on my foot whenever he can manage.

My mom's words come back to me and the reality of the situation hits me harder than anything I've experienced. Alice is my best girl, but Edward is my _best friend. _He's my number one, the boy, the _person_, who puts me first forever and always.

Hot, salty water drops delicately onto my chest. I barely recognize I'm crying until I can hear sobs and realize they're coming from me. I submerge myself in the water and release every single tear I can manage. My hair floats around me like streamers.

When the water turns cold, and I gather enough strength, my arms pull me up and out. I'm on autopilot as I dry and dress and walk. I know mom heard my sobs, but she gives me space and relief surges through me.

I make it to my room. No new messages. I find Edward's name and tell him _I love you._

It's now 1:13 in the morning. I'm lying in bed, on my side, looking out my windows. The world is black. My room is dark. I almost think I'm sleeping, but when my phone goes off, I notice it way too easily. It's Edward.

"Hi, Pretty," he breathes softly.

His voice is strained, he's sniffling. I know it must have been a long night.

"Hi, handsome," I whisper.

"We blew up at each other," he tells me honestly, easily, "she may have had a lot of shit to use against me, but I had some for her, too. It's not fair." Emotion resurfaces.

"Hey," I say, trying to get his attention, "she's mad at _me_, Edward. You're closer, she see's you, so she takes it out on you."

I can almost hear him nod.

"I can't wait to hold your fucking hand tomorrow, Bella. Of all the fucking things," he says with a laugh, "that's what I can't wait for."

I smile at the swelling happiness in my heart. "Me too, Edward."

On Monday, Edward drives me and Jasper to school.

"She bitched out. Mom took her like a little princess," Edward explains, starting the car.

"Jas, you didn't ride with her?"

"Nah," he says, pulling me in for a hug. "She's totally fucking blindsided, Bella. As obvious as it became at the end, she had no clue. Give her time. Give her space. She'll come around."

I nod numbly but the only thing running through my mind is _no she won't_.

When we get to school, Edward grips my hand, locks our fingers, and his brighter-than-lightening love squeezes all the anxiety out of my heart. At my locker, I look around at prying, curious, surprised eyes. He meets me halfway and our lips touch kindly in the warmest kiss that says _it was all worth it_ and _we fucking made it, Pretty Baby B._

The morning drags, though. I hear so many questions, rightfully so, whispered behind my back and in front of Alice.

"Did you know?"

"I'm not surprised."

"Did you hear…"

"They make a cute couple."

"What the fuck?"

"What a slut."

"Good for them."

I close my eyes and my ears and when I open them, Alice is no longer sitting next to me.

"I'm having trouble seeing back there," she tells out first period teacher. "Do you mind if I sit up front?"

The teacher allows her. So do the teachers for periods 2, 3, and 4. Each class, I walk slower and slower, hoping she's already moved by the time I get there. She is.

I look at her as I pass. Her eyes focus on the unopened book on her desk. It's not like her to avoid. _Just look at me! _I want to scream, but instead I powerwalk to my seat and swallow a sob.

"You ok?" Angela asks.

I nod quickly, swatting at annoyingly embarrassing alligator tears.

"I'm good," I tell her.

She's not there at lunch, but Edward is. He gets me a tray of food that I pick at. He asks if I want to skip the rest of the day and I decline. He looks at me like he wants to absorb all my pain and hurt but I wouldn't let him. I made this bed, now I have to lay in it.

On Tuesday, Alice doesn't look at me. I walk up to her at her locker.

"I'll email you my part of the science project," I tell her.

She slams her locker in my face and walks away.

I cry in the bathroom.

On Wednesday, she ignores me, and I pray she put my part of the project in the PowerPoint.

On Thursday, she and Jasper sit at a different table for lunch. Edward throws his arm around my shoulders and rests his lips against my temple. He tells me home isn't any better. If she's not holed up with Jasper, she's alone in her room.

By Friday, I'm so on edge that I snap at everyone including my Mom.

"Jeez, Bella," she tells me before I leave for school.

"I'm sorry!" I cry. "I'm sorry, okay! It's just… this week has been…" I pause and when I look at my mom, her lips are pursed knowingly.

She pulls me in for a hug and kisses the sloppy bun on my head. I couldn't even bring myself to put makeup on today. I look like I'm sick, I feel like I'm sick, but mom tells me I'm beautiful as I collect my backpack, slip on my sneakers, and head out the door.

"Hey, Pretty," Edward says. His smile is always light and loving and with his eyes on me, I feel gentle and coddled and like my heart isn't shattered.

On Saturday, Edward invites me out.

"Put on a dress. Wear some heels. Do whatever-the-fuck. I'm taking my girl out."

And he does.

I walk to his car at five, we drive to the diner for dinner. We're not new anymore, but it's still surprising to see Bella Swan with her ex-besties older brother. I don't even care anymore.

We talk about basketball starting up and how he'll still take me home from school.

"Won't you be late?" I ask.

"Nah," he shakes his head.

I know he will, but I don't say anything because I don't have any other choices.

"Do you know how much I fucking love you?" he asks.

I smile, stealing a French fry. "Tell me," I whisper.

"You make me feel like I'm driving a Bugatti going full speed."

"Is that, like, good?" I'm genuinely confused.

He tosses his head back and laughs loudly.

"Yes, B."

I smile at his smile and he smiles at the ketchup dotting my chin.

We skip the movie and drive up to the beach. It's deserted. Tonight's freezing, but we cocoon ourselves in blankets and kisses and hugs and when he sucks on my neck, my gasp sets our blanket fort on fire.

"Edward," I mewl.

"Tell me everything," he whispers, pushing my dress up, pulling my stockings off, and unbuckling his jeans.

His cock rests against my folds and he drags it slowly up and down before pressing himself inside.

"How does it feel? Tell me, baby. I need to hear everything."

"Like warm and burning and—" I suck in air as he slowly presses into me. I feel the tip of his head hit against my cervix. I circle and circle.

"And what, Pretty?"

He pulls out and pushes in again.

"And so fucking good, Edward."

He sets a pace that's deliciously torturous. I'm building with each push and pull he gives me. It's not rushed or stinging like it did last week. Edward's love pours out in his breath and his words and each pump of himself inside me.

"You feel so warm and soft and so fucking tight, Bella."

He doesn't speed up. He lets it build. He lets me grind my hips when he pushes all the way inside. Edward locks his fingers with mine, pushing my hands into the blanket and next to my head.

"I love you." His whisper burns into my ear and heart and brands itself on every inch on my skin.

We come together in the biggest explosion. He swallows my cries and I swallow his grunts.

"Forever," I whisper later after my dress is pulled down, my tights still gathered at my feet, and his head rests on my chest.

"I promise," he hums.

~!~

October passes slowly. Very, very slowly. I'm too scared to go over and see my boyfriend when my ex-girl is there, so we settle for drives in his car, evenings at the beach when it's not too cold, and late-night whispers over the phone.

Alice hasn't talked to me since the night she found out, but last week she started sitting at our table for lunch again. Edward says it was her idea, but I heard Alice tell Jasper, "quit making me sit at the table with that back-stabber."

I stormed out of the cafeteria and cried in the bathroom. That day I faked sick and made my mom come pick me up. That day my mom told me, "you can't let her think she controls your emotions."

I sigh heavily in the seat next to her.

"I'm serious, Bella. She'll keep acting like this because she sees that you're destroyed. Put a smile on. Wear some red lipstick. Say hi to her. She won't know what to do. Let her see that you're okay. I don't want you crying yourself to sleep anymore, baby. Your father's going to start noticing."

She turns the radio up while I cross my arms. I didn't think she could hear me crying at night.

I turn the radio down and glance at her. "You'll let me where rid lipstick to school?"

My mom's laugh makes me smile and I feel better, lighter, different. My mom's right. Alice has had the upper hand for a month now. Where I've been groveling and devastated, she's been avoiding and mean.

Next week will be different. Next week I'm done being week.

So, on Monday, I put on my cutest black dress, gold flats, and borrow mom's red lipstick. My hair is sleek straight and shiny and when I meet the boys at the car, it's the boys and girl. Alice leans against the door of the backset. She talks with Jas in hushed whispers as Edward greets me with a hand around my wrist and kiss on my head.

"Morning, Pretty."

"Hi, Edward. Morning Jas. Alice." My word's burn in my throat. Sadness has lost it's home in my body. Anxiety and fear and nervousness go with it.

I'm red-lipstick and sparkly-gold shoes confident.

Nothing will break me down today.

Alice rolls her eyes and slides in next to Jasper.

Edward throws me a wicked smile.

I hold his hand in the car and can feel the scorch of Alice's blue eyes burning a hole right through us. Edward squeezes me tighter.

At lunch, Alice and Jasper sit at the very end of the table and talk about their matching Halloween costume for Rose's party this weekend. She told me about it earlier in the month, but I've been in my own world and barely said anything about it, but not today.

"We're going as Ketchup and Mustard," she says. "It was the least slutty thing we could find at Walmart."

"Why can't it be slutty?" Rose asks. "Em and I are going as strippers."

"Oh my god!" I giggle, throwing a piece of pretzel at her. "I cannot _wait_ to see that!"

"Are you guys coming?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say, turning to Edward. "I was thinking we could be Woody and Bo Peep."

"No," he says with an easy shake of his head.

"Fred and Wilma?"

He shakes his head again. "We'll figure it out."

I can practically hear the roll of Alice's eyeballs. "There's going to be alcohol, right? I'm going to need a lot of it," she says.

It's my turn to roll my eyes, and I hope like hell she can hear it.

On Tuesday, Edward calls me after practice.

"Mom flipped out on Alice. She told her she's being ridiculous. She's upset she can't see you anymore. She thinks Alice is overreacting."

"Alice is entitled to her feelings," I tell him simply.

He stretches on his bed and tells me he loves me, that I'm pretty, that he can't wait to taste me. He tells me he's hard as a rock and misses the feel of my insides.

"Edward," I laugh.

He chuckles back and we talk about what we want to be for Halloween.

~!~

Earlier this month, dad takes me for my permit test, and when I pass, he lets me drive from the stop sign at the end of our street to our driveway.

Now, we've graduated to the mall parking lot.

"Check your mirrors, Bella," he warns for the second time.

"I did."

"Put the car in drive. Keep your foot on the brake."

I let him guide me slowly, at his pace, and it takes us 10 minutes to fully back out of the spot in the empty parking lot.

He lets me practice for 30 minutes before his nerves have had enough.

I make sure to thank him many times on the ride back home.

"Sure, sweetie. I can't believe how grown up you're getting," dad tells me.

It's rare we have extended moments like this, but the older I get, the more I come to realize I don't hate it.

"I haven't seen Alice in a few weeks," he tells me.

"Oh, yeah," I start, trying to figure something out. "She's been busy. She transferred into some AP classes and I guess the work load is a lot more than the regular classes."

Dad nods. It's a total lie. As smart as Alice is, she would never want to do any extra work than she has to—she's the laziest smart person I've ever known.

"Okay," he says with a nod and I wonder briefly if mom told him anything. She wouldn't, would she?

If he knew anything about me and Edward, there's no way he'd be this calm… right?

A rock sinks in my stomach, and we can't get home soon enough.

~!~

The Halloween party is mostly uneventful. Edward and I decide on dressing as Elle and Mike from Stranger Things. Alice doesn't say anything which is a double-edged sword—she say's nothing nice, but she also says nothing mean. Jasper laughs and teases me, hiding my empty Eggo box throughout Rose's house. Edward smiles, watching me stomp my knee-high-socks covered feet around in irritation from his bestie.

"Where is it this time?" I ask him, sitting next to Edward as Alice leaves the room.

"The only place Eggos belong," he teases, standing to follow his girlfriend.

I open the oven. Empty. I open the freezer. Empty.

"Jas hates Eggos," Edward offers.

I open the garbage can. Bingo.

"Can you keep them busy when we get back to your house?" I ask, filling up my second drink.

"You staying over, B?"

"Mhm."

I smell like smoke and weed and spilled beer. No way I can go home like this.

"I'll see what I can manage."

Edward kisses my cheek and holds my knee as he talks to Jake about conditioning next week.

Edward's totally sober. He takes basketball very seriously and his badboy habits have stopped altogether. No processed foods. No snacks. No _sugar_! Above all that, no smoking and no drinking. So, tonight, he offered to take the four of us, regardless of how weird it was.

On the way home, I'm not wasted, but I'm definitely feeling good and happier than I have all month. I lean my head back and giggle when Jasper, drunker than I've ever seen him, tells a story about when Jake took a "natural erection" pill thinking it would give him multiple boners for hours and instead he had the same boner for eight hours and couldn't finish.

"He was just trying to get it in with a bunch of different girls in the same night and it wound him up in the ER," Jasper admits with so much laughter he's wheezing.

"No shit," Edward says in surprise, "Al, that's the guy dad was talking about last month! He couldn't say who it was, but he made sure Jas and I would never touch them. He gave us pamphlets on the dangers of taking over the counter and street drugs that increase the male libido."

My laugh hurts my throat and constricts my belly. I'm grabbing my stomach, gasping for air. Edward reaches over and holds my thigh. He smiles at me lovingly and I swoon.

Even Alice laughs at the story or at Jasper, I can't really tell.

When Edward pulls into his garage, we whisper-giggle and walk as quietly as we can.

"Shut up," Edward tells us with a laugh. "Mom and dad are gonna freak when they find out how drunk you guys are."

He makes beds for everyone on the basement floor. Alice disappears. I tell Edward to keep Jasper busy as I rush up the 2 flights of stairs to the third floor. To Jasper's room. It's been a long time since I was in here, and when I open the door, musty boy cologne assaults me. There's a pipe with weed sitting on a table. Alice's shoes decorate the floor. Bottles of water sit half full on the nightstands. His bed is neatly made.

I tiptoe quietly on plush, beige carpeting to put the empty Eggo box on the middle of his bed. I giggle to myself and trip over a shoe as I turn.

"Shit," I grunt, kicking it out of my way before heading for the door.

I lift my head and meet Alice's icey blue eyes. She's out of her costume and dressed in a loose shirt and Jasper's boxers. Her eyes are on me and mine are on her. Her face doesn't contort. Her eyes aren't totally void. She's watching with the smallest bit of curiosity. She's looking at me like if I wasn't with her brother, if I hadn't lied for years, if things hadn't changed, she'd be in on this joke too.

I squeeze past her and swallow the emotion I want to give in to. Tonight was fun. Tonight was good. Tonight was a much needed break from my broken heart.

Back downstairs, Jasper's on his phone, chugging water, sitting Indian style on the basement floor.

Suddenly, how drunk I am hits me and my belly starts to hurt, the room starts to spin, I start to whine. Edward gets my pajamas from my overnight bag and pulls the leggings up my legs. He rips the dress off my top and I blush.

"Don't look," I tell Jasper who naturally glances at me. I cover my naked breasts with my arms.

"Oh, come on," he says, rolling his eyes, "like I haven't seen it before."

Edward pulls my tee shirt over my head and kisses me on my lips.

"Please don't puke," he says. "I can't do puke."

I fall to the floor and down a bottle of water. Edward sits next to me and we flip through channels. We watch two episodes of The Office and Alice still isn't here.

"She hates me," I whisper.

"She'll get over it," Edward stresses. "She's being a baby."

I glance over to Edward after the third episode, and he's snoozing with his head against the couch, legs outstretched in front of him.

I punch Jasper in the arm and laugh when he looks at me like _what the fuck?_

"I just miss you, dumbie."

"It's been a while, huh?" he asks, putting his arm around my neck and pulling me in.

His lips touch my hair and he smells like an old ashtray and spilled beer. His hair has gotten much longer, gelled back currently, and his eyelashes stick together.

We spend a few minutes catching up when I yawn so hard my jaw cramps. Jasper laughs and taps the couch, pulling a pillow to the end for me lay my head on.

"Let's get some sleep," he tells me, reaching over to turn off the lamp.

It's dark and I'm suddenly exhausted. My head hits the pillow and the last thing I hear is Jasper stretching out on the floor below me.

I wake suddenly to a hand over my mouth.

"Shh," a familiar voice whispers in my ear as he covers us with a blanket. "It's just me. Go back to sleep."

Edward nuzzles in behind me, his arm around my stomach, pulling me back, falling back under.

When I finally do wake the next morning, everyone's gone, even Edward.

I stand and stretch and down the glass of water sitting on the table next to the couch. Voices from above filter down, and I hear Edward's boisterous laugh. I slowly ascend and squint from the brightness of the kitchen.

"Hey, baby," Edward says over a mouthful of cereal.

"Hi," I rasp.

He laughs, stands, and hands me a bottle of water.

"This'll make you feel better. We're talking about heading to the movies."

"We?" I take the bottle, pop the cap, and breathe in liquid.

Edward smirks at me. "Us, Em and Rose, Jas and Alice, Jake and whatever slu—"

"Edward," his dad warns.

"The whole gang."

Happiness pores out of him. He's excited. I smile at his bliss.

"Bella, are you okay?" Mr. Cullen asks.

"Yeah, why?" I ask.

"From what I hear, you drank a lot last night. Edward says it was the most you've ever consumed. I'm just checking."

"Oh," I stutter. It's weird to be so open about underage drinking in front of my boyfriend's family. "I'm sorry."

"I don't approve of underage drinking," he starts, looking from Edward to Jasper, "but I'm glad you were able to care for the girls. I won't be able to stop you kids from… experimenting… but if you do, please make sure you're safe. If you find yourself at a party and you've been drinking, please call me. I won't be nearly as mad if you call me at 3 am asking for a ride as I will be if the hospital or police call me because there's been an accident."

"Yes, sir," I whisper. I've gotten the same talk from my dad, but he told me under no circumstance am I to drink at all. Ever.

I sit next to Edward, across from Alice, and pour myself a bowl of cereal. Edward kisses my cheek and I feel the heat of someone's eyes on me. I look up and it's Alice's. She catches me and looks down immediately.

"What movie?" I ask.

~!~

The week after the party moves slowly. Edward kisses me every chance he can. He tries taking me to the room in the back of the library once, but the bell on the door meant it was occupied, so he settles for making out with me in the AV room as we listened to whoever was in there getting it on.

Alice keeps to herself mostly, just like at the movies, but at least she can be in the same room as me now.

_I'm working on her_ Jas texts me late Wednesday night.

_How's it going? _I ask curiously.

_Honestly, I think when she sees Edward with you and how natural it seems, it makes it easier for her to… accept? She's definitely not happy about it, B, but I don't think she hates you anymore._

_Progress, no matter how slow, is good, right?_

_100%._

On Friday, there's a pep rally that I'm not really looking forward to. It's supposed to be a longer one that reviews not only student behavior at football games, but also commemorating all coaches for the school.

_Let's skip the pep rally. We can drive to the beach, make out, and I'll give you a blowie_ I text Edward after lunch, trying to butter him up. He doesn't typically like to skip unless absolutely needed, but it's Friday and we're not technically skipping classes.

_Pull my leg, baby, damn. Okay, you win. Be at the car by 1:30. Wear that pink glossy shit on your lips. _

I count down the minutes until 1:30 sharp. I swallow butterflies and smiles and the memories of his hands on my knees and my inner thighs and that little beauty mark on my hip.

"Let's go!" Jasper yells as he runs past me with a very excited, very loud Alice on his back.

I stop short and scrunch my brows. They're going? I take a breath and sigh loudly as I pout-walk my way down to the Honda. I'm even more distraught when I arrive and find the boys in the front leaving me and the girl who loathes me to sit together in the back. Their hushed voices stop all together when I get there.

"Hey, Pretty," love says with a smile.

"Hi."

I'm ornery and confused and I just wanted some alone time with my guy who asked me to put on super shiny lip gloss.

In the backseat, Alice sits so far over, she may as well be sitting outside. I guess I can't say much since I'm doing the same. I give Edward the most irritable glare when he peeks at me in the mirror. He hides a smirk behind a cough and turns the music up.

At the beach, Jasper trades me places. He and Al walk along the dock as Edward and I sit quietly with the heat on.

"It's good for you two," Edward starts.

"I'm fine," I tell him with arms crossed and tight lips.

Edward runs his palm up and down my jean covered thigh.

"You're hot when you're mad," he jokes.

"Yeah, well, if you're little sister didn't tag along, I could be riding your dick on the beach or in the back seat right now."

"Woah," he says, laughing next to me. "Now that's an image. What about at home? In the basement?"

"No."

"In my room? On my bed?"

"No."

"In the shower?"

"Nope."

"My parents room?"

I turn to look at him. "Huh?" I'm instantly disgusted but then intrigued.

"They have this chaise lounge chair that I've pictured you on so many fucking times."

"Hm," I tell him honestly. "Maybe."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, maybe."

Edward kisses my lips and then my neck and then pinches my nipples as he tells me about all the ways he's pictured fucking me in his parent's room. And Jasper's room. And the back porch. And the log in the woods. And against my old shed in the backyard. And in my room. And in my basement. And in my parent's bed.

"Alright, that one might be too far," I admit.

"Think about it. I'd love to get you on all fours and fuck the shit out of you right there."

Alice's knock on the back window pulls me away with swollen lips and arousal-soaked cotton.

"Let us in fucker, it's freezing out here," Alice yells, banging again.

"My nuts are snowballs right now."

"After the workout I just gave you?" she jokes.

"Get the fuck out," Edward says seriously. "That's nasty."

"Fuck off," Alice tells him. "You know what's nasty? Watching my brother and his girlfriend suck face."

"At least you don't have to watch us fuck each other's brains out," he teases back.

"Yeah," Jas answers, "be glad you never had to see that shit."

"You never did, Jasper. We just—." And then I stop because no one needs to know.

"You just what?" Alice asks.

I don't respond.

"You just fucked?"

"We just made love," I whisper

"Like… ever?" she asks.

"Yeah."

Alice scoffs, sits back, and lights up a joint. She doesn't believe me.

"I was a virgin until the night you found out. It was right before you and Jasper got home. And then that night…"

My voice breaks off reliving the night Edward and I made love and sharing it with the same night Alice discovered our secret. Tears fall silently and when I sniffle, Edward brushes them off my cheeks and lips and wipes them on his jeans.

"I love you," he whispers so quietly I can barely hear him.

Alice and Jasper share a joint, the window cracked to let smoke escape, as Edward drives us home.

When Edward pulls out onto the highway, Alice says, "I don't hate you."

Edward looks back at Alice and I nod. Warmth envelopes my hand and heart and soul as Edward's large palm covers my thighs and then my forearms and then my belly.

At home, with the four of us together in the basement again watching episode of Friends and The Office, in and out of cat naps on a cold Friday afternoon, Edward spreads his love across me and blankets Alice and envelopes Jasper and glues us all together the best he can.

I lean into him and kiss his lips with such tenderness my heart dips into my toes and slingshots back into my chest. I take some of the love Edward spreads to us and glide it over his skin, down his neck, past his hips, and down his legs. Jasper and Alice are stoned and passed out on the farthest end of the couch, and Edward and I spend time loving each other with our lips and our words and our eyes. His fingers dance on my skin and over my shoulders and across my mending heart.


	24. Chapter 24

The first few days of November pass the same as October: awkward, strange, unnerving, painful.

The first few days, after Alice says she doesn't hate me, I'm full of hope and excitement, I almost bounce to the car that Monday morning. I have on my prettiest boots and warmest sweater and boy am I glad.

"Hi," I say to everyone but my gleaming, hope filled eyes find Alice's disgusted ones.

"Hi, baby," Edward whispers into my hair, towering over me to kiss my head as he walks to the driver's side.

"Hey, B," Jas says over a too-big mouthful of strawberry pop tart. The crumbs decorate his lips and his chin and the bleach stained tee shirt that he makes look way too cool. His shaggy hair, wet from his shower, falls in his eyes.

Alice stares at me blankly. I shake her off and climb into the front seat.

"You're going to catch a cold," I tell Jasper.

"I'll be alright," he grumbles over another too-big bite.

"I've never seen anyone eat a pop tart in one a half bites," I joke.

No one says anything else on the ride in. Edward sometimes bumps my thigh with his fingers. Jasper occasionally clears his throat and the weird vibe in the car thickens.

The second Edward pulls into his spot, Alice leaps out like she can't bear the thought of being stuck with us any longer. Like she'll absolutely die if she spends any more time with us. With _me_.

"3:05, sharp, Alice! If you're late, I'll leave your ass here!" Edward calls, storming out of the car like his sister.

"I thought we were passed this?" I ask Jas, collecting my bag and slowly facing the school.

"Me, too," he sighs, "but last night was a blow up of epic proportions, Bella. Shit was nuts. Can't believe you guys didn't hear it at your house."

Jasper walks over and throws his heavy, warm arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer, choosing me right now.

Last night I ate dinner with my parents, helped mom with some painting stuff in the basement, and watched a movie with my dad before tucking in for the night. If they heard anything, no one alerted me.

"No one called me," I say lowly, confused, hurt.

"Alice is… Alice. And Edward is…"

"Edward?" I finish, half laughing half hurt.

"Different. Shit wasn't about you last night. I mean, it was, but it was mostly about Arizona."

"Arizona? That was years ago. You mean to tell me she isn't over that yet?"

"I don't think she ever dealt with it to get over it, ya know what I mean? How often did she ever talk about it? What Edward did? What he was like? I know he told you, but did she ever?"

I purse my lips and miss the warmth of his big arm as he pulls the door open and lets me in first.

"I guess not," I admit. "In all the years she's been my friend, she never once ever talked about the stuff Edward did… unless it was to him."

Jasper nods in agreement. "She only recently opened up to me, B."

"I wish she would've opened up to me. I guess I wasn't that great of a friend, huh? I never pushed for her side because I was getting his." My eyes turn to glass and my heart squeezes so gently it feels like the worst kind of bat wings in my chest cavity. "I wasn't a very good friend," I reiterate.

Jas walks me to my locker. We're quiet as he says nothing, but I look up and he smiles. "You're too good for us," he says honestly, ruffling my hair to make me smile but it makes me sort of mad because I spent a lot of time straightening it this morning.

"Fuck off," Edward says, walking up behind me and placing a reassuring hand on my hip. He pulls me back to him and smooths the crown of my hair down with his other hand. "But you're right. She is too good for us."

There's something unspoken between them, and I don't ask what it is. I let them have it. I let them talk with their eyes and brows and twitches of their lips.

When they're done, I lean back to kiss Edward when Mr. Jones walks by.

"Ms. Swan, Mr. Cullen, please refrain from any public displays of anything so early in the morning… or any time."

Edward flips him the bird behind his back and I smack his arm down with a giggle.

"Please be at the car as fast as you can today, B. We have to be dressed and ready for practice by 3:30. If we're late, we all have to run an extra mile. The team will kill me." He's nuzzling my neck and the grip on my hip tightens.

His friend clears his throat. "I know you two like to get off on others watching, but gross."

My blush blazes and Edward simply chuckles in my ear. "Jas, for real, tell Alice I'm peeling out at 3:05 with or without her ass."

The bell for first period rings and I begrudgingly part from my boys, walk into class, and bypass Alice's new desk. She's making friends with a girl she used to pick on last year. I shake my head and get to work.

~!~

_No lunch for me today, Pretty. Logging extra time in the gym. _

Panic floats around my throat and I feel like I'm drowning. I haven't been to lunch without since we were a thing. I'm nervous without Edward, Alice will start something.

It's lunch time and I take a lot of time in line, talking to some girls about a project in English, answering prying questions about me and my boyfriend, avoiding my ex-ish best girl at the table. There's one spot left next to Jas who's next to Alice and I'm freaking. We haven't sat this close at lunch—at school—in weeks and weeks.

"I saved this spot for you," Jas yells over the commotion. Alice doesn't flinch away from the conversation with Jake.

I sit next to him and wonder how Alice doesn't freak out that he still maintains the same level of familiarity with me, and then my question is answered.

"I guess you didn't listen to anything I told you earlier," Alice says, sitting back with crossed arms and a crossed heart.

"Babe," he reasons.

"Don't _babe_ me, Jasper."

And that's that. It's not a scene, not even everyone at our table heard what happened, but I did, and that's all the matters.

I eat quietly, forcefully, swallowing the lump in my throat with each bite.

White noise from my heart tries to drown out the screams from my brain and the noise of the cafeteria over stale pizza and mixed vegetables.

Jasper's voice breaks through it all. "He's working out now so he can have off Saturdays."

"Why does he want off Saturdays?"

There's a nudge at my elbow and Jas gives me that _come on_ look with a roll of his eyes. "So he can spend them with you, Bella."

He brightens me up like he meant to all along. When he notices my smile, he gives me one back.

The rest of the day actually flies. Two tests and a project later, we're sitting quietly in Edward's car just me, my guy, and his sister. Edward takes the corner of our street a little too fast as he's on a time crunch and his sister scoffs and huffs. I smile a little bit and he gives me a wink.

The second he pulls up next to our houses, Alice hops out and runs for the door. I hang back so I can kiss him properly.

After the third one, he tells me, "can we pick this up later, B? I really gotta go."

It's 3:14 and I know he's pushing it.

"Call me later?"

"Always," he tells me.

And he does.

~!~

The week passes much the same. Tuesday and Wednesday, Edward logs more time in the gym during lunch and it's not that bad, I guess. Rose and I talk about dumb stuff like Emmett's tongue and her new belly button ring. Jake sits next to me once and says, "you know, I always liked you". Paul accidentally kicks my feet under the table only I don't think it was actually an accident because when I look up, he's smiling but I'm not and when Jasper notices, he shakes his head at his teammate.

"Not smart, dude," he warns, chomping his way down to the end of a celery stick. His eyes burn into Paul's who has never once shown any interest in me.

"I'm not doing anything."

Paul taps my foot with his again and I'm kinda-sorta getting mad because these are new flats and he's getting November-mud all over them.

When I pull my foot back and sit up straighter, Jas looks annoyed with Paul. "Lay off or her boyfriend will make your ass into a hat."

Paul rolls his eyes. "Whatever."

Jas looks at me with _are you okay_ eyes and I nod. Paul's never said more than 10 words to me in all the years I've known him, so I'm taken aback at his sudden interest if I can even call it that.

Alice isn't looking, but she's quiet and her heads down as she picks at an orange.

By the end of the day, they're waiting on me. It's only 3:03, but Alice looks like she's been here for an hour as she picks at the skin around her nails in boredom and Edward smiles a _hurry the hell up, Pretty_ smile and not his usual _I love you more than all the freckles on this earth _smile.

Thursday brings another day of monotony.

At lunch, Rose and Em are in the library. Jas and Al whisper hushed words down the table. Jake smiles a bored smile. Paul straightens when he sees me and I instantly regret my choice of black leggings and this not long enough sweater.

Because there are open seats at the table, I put some space between me and Jas and Alice and me and Jake and Paul. I'm almost half way done with my lunch when Paul tosses his empty carton of tea at my tray.

"Sorry, princess, didn't see you there," he says with a smirk.

I don't know why, but I give him the attention he's after. "Princess?"

"Aren't you one? Long silky hair, beautiful eyes, curves that would make the queen cry. Only thing your missing is—"

"My prince?" I finish.

"Yeah," he croons, smiling and licking his lips slowly.

"You're right, he's practicing in the gym for ball right now. I'm actually on my way to see him right now. I'll tell him you said hi." I'm standing and pushing my chair back by now. I dump my tray and Jasper throws me a proud smile over her shoulder.

I book it to the gym. I've never been in the weight room, I'm not even sure I know how to get there, but when I enter the quiet gymnasium, I can hear the grunts and metal hitting metal from a mile away. Slowly, I creep down the long hall, down the stairs, into the dingy, musty, boy-sweat polluted room to find my prince shirtless, gym shorts hung low on his ever-defined waist. A thin sheen coats his mid-section and I'm a goner.

His headphones plug his ears, so he can't hear me. I press my back against the gray wall and watch as he adjusts weights on the smith machine, putting them back along the wall.

He maneuvers to the floor, on a black mat, and counts breathily. "One, two, three, four…" as he does the fastest set of 50 sit ups I've ever seen. Mirrors line the other side and I'm surprised he hasn't caught me yet, but he's so focused I'm kind of not surprised.

After 50, he sits up slowly, stretching his legs as he bypasses the ellipticals, treadmills, and stair steppers. More metal clinks together as he puts weight after weight on the long bar, and sets it in place with a thick metal clip. My attention is focused on the way his arms bulge and the pulse in my undies.

I don't even realize I'm walking closer until I'm at the front of the bench where he's lying flat and then his eyes meet mine. At first there's a moment of surprise and then it switches instantly to mischief. He does three more before resting the weight bar between metal and sitting up.

"Like what you see, Pretty?" His voice is rough and breathy as he pulls earbuds from his ear. When he sits back, I see the tent in his mesh shorts.

"Yeah," I breathe, running my hand through my hair.

"Well, shit," he laughs, "if seeing me like this gets you all hot bothered, you can come down anytime you want."

I smile back at him, but I'm still watching the way his shorts grow tighter around his hardness.

"Can I?" I ask, already kneeling.

"You want to blow me here? Now?" he asks incredulously.

I nod slowly, reaching for the waist band of his shorts.

"Fuck," he hisses when my hand makes contact. He pulls himself out and it slaps against his sweaty stomach. "Hurry," he whispers, "there's a class in here after lunch."

I glance at him, putting my tongue around the head, swallowing it whole, going as deep as I can. His hand weaves through my hair and he never breaks eye contact. I set the pace faster, sucking deeper, harder. I use my hand to squeeze what doesn't fit in my mouth. He groans softly, and I can tell he's holding back. I close my eyes to enjoy the feeling of him filling my mouth fully. My tongue drags against the underside, my teeth scrape softly against the engorged head from my speed. I look up through my lashes and his legs stiffen. I feel him swell and his hips jerk.

Stilling looking up, cheeks hollow, tongue running down his shaft, I moan over his shaft. Our eyes lock and it's the most intense, pure moment I've ever been in. He's looking into me like I'm his Goddess. His eyes whisper _I love you,_ his hand in my hair tells me _you're everything, _his mouth grunts out "swallow every drop" so I do. I don't know why, but the demand makes it hotter, and I'm more eager than ever to obey.

He explodes in my mouth forcefully with days worth of buildup. Stream after stream of sticky, hot liquid shoots down my throat. I never look away. I kiss and suck and massage his shaft even after he goes soft.

Edward has to pull himself from my lips with an oversensitive growl and then he's backing me against a wall, his lips everywhere on my face but my own lips, and I wonder briefly if it's because his cock was just there. My lips are swollen-red and well loved, and when he finally places his lips on mine, tasting himself, I grind my pelvis against anything it can find.

His fingers jerk my sweater up so his hand has room to slip into my leggings. Anticipation sits on my chest like a pile of feathers, tickling my arms and my neck and my low, low belly. His fingers touch my damp cotton undies, one finger rubs against my clit, and then he freezes.

"You're such a fucking liar, dude," one voice calls from the long hallway.

"I'm telling you man, she let me put it up her butt," the other insists.

My tiny fist clenches and pounds the wall next to me. Edward chuckles and kisses me once more before grabbing my hand and his shirt as we make our way out of the room.

"Sup, Cullen," one of the guys says. I recognize him from the team, but I don't know his name.

"Later," he says, pulling me past them and back into the gym.

"I have to shower, B."

He kisses my forehead and then my cheek and before he can get to my lips, Mr. Marrow, the gym teacher, yells, "Knock it off, pansy!"

Edward smiles and kisses me anyways.

"I'll bench you for the first game," Mr. Marrow yells back, closing the distance between us.

Edward glances up and shakes his head. "No you won't, Coach."

Mr. Marrow grins and shakes his head. "I didn't know the Bella you go on and on about was Bella _Swan_."

He looks to me. Mr. Marrow is the gym teacher and never really interacted with me. Ever. I'm surprised he even knows my last name.

"Yep," I explain awkwardly.

"Hit the shower, Cullen. You're going to be late to sixth period again and I'm done writing you slips."

"See you at three, Pretty," he tells me again, kissing my temple, jogging to the boy's locker room.

We walk half the stretch from the back of the gym to the exit in silence. It's awkward, or maybe I'm making it that way.

"Edward's a good kid," Mr. Marrow explains like I don't already know.

"He is."

"He's got real talent. He'll go far."

"He will."

When we make it to the exit, and I'm two feet into the hall, Mr. Marrow says something that catches me off guard.

"If he's not distracted."

That comment sticks to me all day like epoxy.

Was he warning me?

Why would he meddle in our relationship?

Is this something I should bring up to Edward?

It's 2:57, and I'm slamming my locker shut when I decide it's not. For now.

I see Alice already in the backseat and Edward has all but taken his foot off the break. How the hell does she get down here before me? I check my phone. It's only 3:01. We're early today.

In the car, Edward grabs my hand and asks, "is Paul fucking with you?"

"Huh?"

"Is Paul Lahote fucking with you?"

"I mean, not really. At lunch the last two days he's been… weird, but I didn't think too much about it."

Edward sits quietly, driving a bit slower today, gripping my hand in his.

He turns right onto our block and asks, "do I need to put him in his place?"

I burn bright with his concern and… excitement?

"I don't think," I whisper as Alice scoffs.

Edward glances in the rearview at his sister.

"Can you sneak out later, B, like after seven when I get home form practice?" he asks.

"I'm not sure."

"Tell your parents you forgot you have a project to work on with Alice. I haven't seen you, B. I miss your little laugh and your cold toes and the curl of your lashes."

"Okay," I whisper.

I can almost hear the roll of Alice's eyes as she opens her door and runs for her house before the Honda has even stopped.

"My parents are at a fundraiser for the night," he says, kissing me with soft, buttery lips.

"I'll see you later," I tell him.

Mom asks me to go grocery shopping with her when I walk in the door, and I tell her I just have to change. I slip into a gray, long sleeved dress, pull on a sweater, then my boots, and we're out the door.

She asks me how things are going at school, if she can paint my room, and what kind of snacks I want. Conversation flows easy and fun and she even tells me dad's getting off early tonight. I can tell she's excited. Dad's been working a lot of longer hours due to budget cuts and layoffs. It's hard on their marriage, I'm sure, as he's not home a lot.

"Why don't you guys go on a vacation this winter? Dad works so hard. You both deserve some alone time. Maybe to Hawaii, or Florida, or the Bahamas?" I suggest, deciding between Cheetos Puffs and Cheetos Crunchy.

"It's funny you say that, Bella, because I was looking into going on a short trip after the holidays."

I nod my head and decide on crunchy.

"Good idea, mom. Want me to see if I can stay at Rose's?"

Mom smiles and nods. "Thanks for being so understanding, honey."

I shrug. What's not to understand?

At home, mom makes an easy dinner. I offer to clean up so they can watch a movie together. I'm putting the last dish away as I catch the red numbers on the stove read 6:47. Mom and dad giggle like teenagers in the living room as I attempt to leave to the house.

"I, uh, forgot I have a project to work on with Alice. She just texted me. Can I go over to her house?" I'm fidgety and nervous. Mom knows Alice and I aren't on the best terms, so I wonder if she'll put up a fight.

"You forgot you have a project due tomorrow right now?" dad questions.

"I mean, it's just that—"

"Oh, let her go, Charlie," mom pushes. "I want to show you something in the basement anyways," she whispers probably only for him but she's a glass and a half of wine drunk.

When she gets up, Dad says, "go on."

I grab my phone, backpack, and throw on my shoes. More giggles come from my mom and then a bark of laughter from my dad as he slams the basement door closed.

I book it outside and run towards the house next door. Edward's car isn't in the driveway yet, and I contemplate briefly if I should wait outside, but the wind whips against my bare legs and I ultimately decide to go inside.

Alice is in the kitchen eating dinner quietly, alone, working on homework. If she sees me, she doesn't let on. I say nothing as I walk up the steps to his room. Both Edward's and Alice's doors are shut. When I grab the handle to open his, a voice stops me.

"Why did you do this?" It's a small, quiet, accusatory question.

I take a deep breath, refusing to turn around, refusing to fall to her feet and grovel. I've already spent too much time sulking and crying and mending a heart that keeps rebreaking. At some point, you have to call it. Doctors do it all the time. Hours of working tirelessly on a heart or an organ that fails in the end anyway only to have to exhaustedly call time of death. I think maybe it's time to call it on us.

I do. I call time of death the second I open his door and refuse to look behind me. Tears sting my eyes, but not too many because I've already cried angry, sad, heartbroken tears over her, over us, over _this_. It's two months of non-stop knots in my belly, wondering who I'll sit with in class, who I'll eat lunch with when Rose is with Emmett, who I'll buy Christmas presents for. It's two months of one-sided pleas, one-sided heartbreak, one-sided apologies.

I shut the door to his bedroom with a hushed click and then hear the pads of feet walk past his door, her door, and calmly up to the third floor.

His bedroom is warm and athletic and relaxed. Dark, fresh cologne mixes with clean laundry and I curl up on his bed, scrolling through Facebook.

Pictures of us, pictures of Rose, pictures of Jas fill my feed. Rose posts that her dad, who she never sees, bought her a new car. I press love. Jas says he stubbed his finger and posts a picture of black and purple bruises around his left pinky. I press sad. Edward posts a picture of his new number 17 jersey with Cullen written on the back and a wink face. I press nothing because his door is opening and he's there, smiling, dropping his backpack and gym bag, and smiling so high I might die.

"You came," he tells me with more happiness than I deserve.

I offer a reassuring smile and a nod of my head.

"I need to shower, baby. Give me a few minutes."

He strips and flings his dirty clothes in the hamper in his bathroom. I watch from his bed as his silhouette washes his hair, scrubs his face, travels farther down his belly to press on the shadow growing longer by the minute. I smile because he's doing the same to me only he can't see mine, _thank god._

"I love you," I call to him as he rinses his body quickly and shuts off the water.

"I love you, Pretty B."

He towel dries and when he's done, he wraps it around his hips.

I'm laying flat on my back, on his bed, with my legs crossed. My dress falls open, but I don't care.

His eyes fall to smallest peak of blue cotton as it peaks out between crossed legs. The burn of his eyes feels like the hottest lightbulb against my skin as drinks in my legs, the swell of my bottom, my hips, my breasts, my neck.

Before I know it, his thighs hit against the mattress and his hands around my hips pull my body so that my bottom rests just off the mattress.

"Edward?" I ask.

Usually he climbs on top of me. Kisses me while kneeling between my thighs. Rubs himself against my leg.

This is new.

Dilated-blues and the longest lashes I've ever seen hold my gaze as his fingers tickle up my thigh to wrap around the edges of my underwear. He doesn't blink, and I don't even breathe, as he pulls the fabric from my body. He places either foot on the edge of the bed, and when my dress hides what he's dying to see, he flings it up.

He takes his thumb and rests it against my clit. I forget to breathe again. The width of his thumb parts my lips and coolness lays against my soaking hot center. He watches my face as he presses harder. When I begin to roll my hips, he doesn't stop me.

I take what I can from him. He has me so on edge from just his thumb. I use my feet to kick away his towel and watch as his cock bounces up and out and it's so long and I think about the way he told me to _swallow every drop_ earlier and then I'm coming against his thumb which he moves in slow, hard circles as I convulse and tighten and spread my legs then close them shut.

He kneels so his face is at my center and takes long, hard swipes with his tongue from bottom to top, circles my clit, and then back down. He puts his entire mouth over me and sucks, swiping against me with his tongue, and I fall apart against him again.

When he stands, he licks his mouth with his tongue and coats his cock in my wetness before sliding into me.

"Oh," I whimper as he slides in against my walls which try to make room but can't.

He's almost all the way in before he gives me slow, deep strokes over and over. His hands travel down to drip my ankles and raise them up and now he hits deeper and my back is arched so hard I think it cracks.

"I love the way I make your pussy even tighter," he says, watching my face and my neck flush.

When I'm done, he sits my feet down, bends his knees, and angles his hips upward.

"Holy shit," I mewl, grabbing the comforter and pulling it to me. I bite it to muffle my moans, but he pulls it from between my teeth.

"No," he tells me adamantly. "I want to hear you."

I bite my lip and shake my head as he pounds into me harder. "They'll hear," I warn.

"I don't give a shit," he breaths heavily. "I've listened to them for years. Jas's room is right above mine."

And then his hips force his entire shaft into me as he pounds against my cervix and it's so deep and so hard and so tight and I'm so close I can't smell it.

"I want to hear you," he grunts again. "I want to hear what I make you feel. Does it feel good, baby? Does my cock feel like you always dreamed it would? Like I promised you it would?"

"Yes," I whimper. "Yes, Edward."

He grabs my ass, lifts my bottom half up, and pounds into me. I melt in his hands. I'm a puddle of thighs and butt and hips in his hands as he gives me his length and his girth and his fingers in my flesh.

He releases me and I fall back onto the bed as he pulls out and finishes himself on my swollen, red lips and belly.

His growls are animalistic and loud and watching him release is so intense. I glance down and look at the puddle of pearlescent warmth dripping down my center and belly.

"You're lucky my dress got pushed up," I tell him, touching what he painted me with.

"Watching you do that…" he says with a shake of his head. "You are so fucking hot."

He bends down to clean me with a towel, pulling my dress down, then dressing himself. We crawl up the bed and he kisses me hard and hungry.

"My undies?" I ask, breaking away from his puffy lips.

"They're mine now."

I shake my head and roll my eyes. "You know, if my underwear keeps disappearing, you're going to have to start replacing them. What else am I supposed to wear?"

"Nothing."

I open my mouth to retort, but his door swings open and a very angry, very shaking Alice stands in the doorway. Her tears are stained with wetness and her hair is a mess.

"Get out," he tells her easily like it's not the first time he's said it.

"I hate you!" she yells at him.

"Alice, go." Edward points to the door.

"I hate your fucking guts!"

Edward snaps. Instead of looking to Jasper like he normally does, he stalks over to Alice. I stand to intervene, and Jas throws me a shake of his head. I get it. This is fight between them that just needs to happen.

"Why!"

"You took me away from my life in Arizona, and now you can't keep your dick in your pants here! You ruin everything_!_ I fucking hate you!"

Alice scream-cries, beating on Edward's chest with closed fists. He doesn't move to stop her, but he grabs her biceps to move them away from stomach and up towards his pecks.

"Keep going!" Edward shouts.

"You fuck everything up! You ruin every good thing in my life!"

"What else?" he counters.

"You took away the only thing I had here! You took my stupid best friend away from me!" Alice breaks and cries and slides to the floor. For weeks, while I was moping and crying, and breaking, she was tough, refusing to crumble. Now that I've built up my broken wall, her resolve is finally crumbling.

"And you took mine!" Edward roars. "I let you get with my best fucking friend and I didn't act like a spoiled princess, Alice. I love her! Look at Bella. Look at her over there! I fucking love her! She helped me stop. She gave me reason. She talked me out using and selling and everything I fucked up before."

Even I'm surprised at his admission. Was he going to use like Jas did? Was he going to sell like Riley does? Was he going to be self-destructive like before?

"Bella is your best fucking friend, I get that, Alice. Nothing has changed except the fact that you know now! For years we talked about this fucking moment right here. She cried for years about how much you'd hate her and never forgive her. She was so afraid this one secret would be the demise thinking your friendship ended because of _us_ but it didn't, it ended because of _you_."

Alice stops pounding but her crying continues. Behind Jasper, I can see Mr. Cullen who holds back Mrs. Cullen by grabbing onto her wrist. Both look impeccable and sophisticated and yet their children are breaking down.

"She kept this one thing from you, but how much did you keep from her? Fucking around for years with Jake, Sam, and Paul, shit with Jasper, the drugs, _everything_. She thinks her best friend is this edgy purple haired rocker girl not a girl who pops pills with her fucking boyfriend."

Edward pauses and everyone looks at me but him.

_What?_

"And now I have to be the fucking bad guy. I have to tell the girl I love that her best friend is the one who gave my best friend the pills that got him fucking hooked."

"What?"

Alice doesn't look at me when I ask. She crumples to the floor.

"I don't know why the fuck you hate me when I'm the one who should hate you! God damnit!" Edward growls, flinging his gym bag against the wall and seething. His hands are in his hair, pulling so hard his knuckles are white.

I walk over quietly and wrap my fingers around his wrist.

All eyes are on me.

He grabs me and wraps me up. His arms suffocate my neck and I can't breathe but I don't need to because he does it for me. I try to absorb everything for him, but I don't think it works.

Alice still sits on the floor in a puddle of tears. Jasper kneels at her side. Mrs. Cullen cries into her husband's shoulder and I wonder how much they knew.

"Are you mad?" Edward's cries are soft, small as he holds me harder, afraid of the answer.

I don't respond right away because I don't even know. I'm so confused and hurt and angry and paralyzed. This family has so many secrets and I thought I knew them all but I don't. I'm blindsided.

I look to Alice whose eyes are on my legs. I look to Jasper whose hand rubs his girl's back but his eyes are mine, looking at me with trepidation. I look to Edward who bombards me with strong arms and too much love.

"Do you hate me?" he asks.

"No," I whisper to him because I don't hate him. I couldn't hate him. I don't even hate any of these people. "I'm just… what? Alice is on drugs? Since when?"

"Was," Jas says, "with me."

I try and think back to the times when they were together and he was using. She didn't act like he did. She cried because he was on them. She broke up with him because he wouldn't stop.

"But—"

"She used recreationally. I was addicted," Jasper clarifies like he already knows all my questions.

I literally have to scratch my head.

Edward unwraps himself and I'm glad because I can't think when he envelops me.

"Why didn't anyone tell me? It's not like I'd be _mad_," I counter.

"We wanted to at first, but your dad's chief of police and we were nervous," Alice says quietly. Her tears have stopped but they're still wet against her cheeks.

"When have I ever told him anything?"

"Well, I didn't know what secrets _you_ were keeping from him back then so I didn't know either!" Alice's words slice through me, but I nod because she's not wrong.

"Were you high around me?" I ask.

They both nod and I feel dumb.

"When?"

Alice shrugs. "In the basement. At the beach. Mostly at night when you weren't over though, Bella." Alice says. She's standing now and I'm the one avoiding her gaze.

"You kept this from me, I had no idea about any on this, and then you blow up, get pissed, don't talk to me for months because you find out I also kept a secret from you? What did you think I'd do when I found out?" I pause because I get it. "You weren't ever going to tell me, were you?"

Jas looks away. Alice looks at Jas. Edward looks at me.

"Were you?" I ask him.

"Yes."

"When?"

He takes a moment before admitting, "From the beginning, I knew when Al found out about us, she'd be pissed because she's self-centered. She always has been. She can't see her own unhappiness to look for the happiness in others." Alice doesn't protest, so he continues. "Then I find out she's the one giving pills to Jas and feeding his addiction. She begged me not to tell you. I knew when she lost it about us that I could use this. I wanted to tell her that you kept a secret but so did she. I didn't intend for it to happen like this…"

I walk past Edward right over to Alice and force her eyes to mine.

"Why are you mad that I'm with Edward?"

She doesn't answer right away but she shrugs.

"Why?" I grow angrier by the second. "Why, Alice!"

"Because he's just going to leave you! He had a new girl every fucking day in Arizona—"

"That was years ago!" I yell. "He's not the same person!"

"Bullshit!" Alice yells back.

I shake my head. "This isn't the Alice I know. The Alice I know cheers for her brother at his games and buys him new basketballs for his birthday and lets him pick the movie every Friday night. The Alice I know stopped dragging up his actions from 3 years ago."

Alice crosses her arms but she looks at me as I continue.

"I love your brother. He has flaws and faults and he's made mistakes but he's good and pure and he loves me wholly like no one else ever has. He calls me every night to hear me snore. He kissed me on my thirteenth birthday and then not again for weeks because he was afraid he'd corrupt me." I grab Edward's hand in mine. "Alice, I love him. I'm sorry we kept this from you. I should have told you, and I didn't. If that makes me a terrible friend, then I guess you are too."

Alice walks away.

Jasper looks at me with sorry eyes but follows his girl.

No one stops them. No one comforts them. I sit with Edward on his bed. I hold him and comfort him and love him the way he's done for me so many times.

I run my fingers over the cracks in his soul, filling them with love and reverence and adoration. I soak up his hurt and anguish and offer him acceptance and peace. I whisper encouragement and hope in his ear as he holds me. He doesn't cry, he doesn't do much of anything, but his grip is tight on my arm. He's sad his sister and girlfriend's friendship had to blow up like this. He's relieved the weight of all secrets lifts from his shoulders. He's worried for his friend upstairs.

"I love you," I whisper again.

At some point, his parents leave because when I look up, the hallway is empty. I'm sure, after I leave, there will be a different discussion.

"Alice really got Jas hooked?" I ask.

He nods. "I'm sorry I never told you. Too many fucking secrets."

"Is Jas clean?"

Edward nods. "When our dad found out, he lost it on Alice, even threatening to send both to some camp in California. Like rehab for kids. Obviously, he never did. He drug tests them twice a month instead. The shit that happens in this house when you aren't around… Jas was right, you're way too fucking good for us, B."

Edward grabs my hand and holds it between his.

I kiss his cheek and give him the best smile I can.

"Edward, I'm going to need some more answers, but I need to get home. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"Yeah, B."

"Will you answer whatever I ask?"

"Anything."

Edward walks me to the door, bends down to zip my boots, and kisses the skin above my knee.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I whisper, running my fingers through his hair before crossing the short distance between our homes.

At home, mom's straightening up the living room. When I shut and lock the door, the TV is turned off.

"Finish your project, sweetie?"

"Yeah," I lie. "I'm pretty tired. I'll see you tomorrow, mom."

She kisses my forehead and I wonder if she can smell Edward's fingers, his hair, his sheets still on my skin.

In my room, I shut off my lights and crawl in my bed still dressed in the cotton gray dress from earlier, and wonder what the hell I just heard tonight.

It's nearing midnight and I've been tossing and turning for hours.

It's 12:17 and I pull my phone out, scrolling through, and finding his name. When I press call, I hold my breath.

"Bella?" his voice is scratchy but not groggy. He's up, too.

"I need to know everything, Jas."

He sighs and the bed shifts. I can see him pull back the covers and scrub his hand over his face.

"Ask away."

"Is she with you?"

"No."

"What happ—," I pause and try again. "I don't understand. So, she just gave you drugs?"

He's silent for a long moment before answering. "It started when I still lived with my parents. Before she and I were anything really… I had gotten into a pretty bad fight with my mom. My dad beat the shit out of me. I ran here in the middle of winter. No coat, no socks, a sweatshirt with a broken zipper. I got here and Edward was out with his parents, but Alice was home. She knew I had a shitty mom and would crash with them sometimes, but this is the first time she saw me with a black eye and fresh blood. She cleaned me up, gave me some Tylenol. I asked if she had anything stronger. Sometimes Edward gave me a stronger prescription version of Tylenol from his dad's bathroom. That's what I thought she'd get. She went into her bathroom, though, and when she came back, she put two little oval shaped pills in my hand. I didn't know what the fuck it was. I didn't even care."

"What was it?"

"Xanax. I guess her dad prescribed it to her back in Arizona when she had surgery. I don't know. Shit was magical though, B. When she ran out, she went to Riley. Alice loved me way too much back then to get me the help I actually needed. Soon, she started doing it with me, some of the guys on the team, that kind of shit. When I started needing it more often, I called Riley myself."

I take a minute to soak everything in. My breathing is even but I'm my brows knit and my lips purse and I'm trying to think back to any clues at all.

"Bella?"

"You never said anything to me, Jasper."

"I couldn't."

"But—"

"You and Edward had your secret. I never told Alice. Alice and I had our secret. Edward never told you."

And then it's crystal clear. Everything Jasper saw, heard, walked in on… All the times he gave us space and time and let us be us while Alice was none the wiser was because Edward was doing the same for him.

"When?"

"When what?"

"When did you guys do it? When did you do it when I was around?"

"Uhm…" he pauses to think. "At the beach when we'd disappear and give you and Edward time alone."

"You guys were smoking pot."

"No," he sort of laughs, sort of sighs. "You thought we were."

"When else?"

"Usually at night, B, when you weren't here."

"Did Edward ever—"

"Never."

I nod, relieved.

"Why did she get so mad at you, break up with you, not talk to you for so long if she was doing it with you?"

"It was easy for her to stop. I couldn't. She didn't understand. Then she blamed herself and took it out on me."

"You just let her?"

"It wasn't her fault I couldn't stop. She didn't understand that. I chose pills over her. It really fucked her up."

Visions of Alice in my arms, tears staining my shirt, sobs hurting my ears from ending everything with Jasper flash through my memory. Months of anger and denial and blame and acceptance. Months of jealousy and irritation. Months of a different Alice.

"Does she understand what I did to her she did to me?"

"Yeah, Bella, I think she did tonight."

After it turns one, and many yawns later, I tell him I'm going to bed. Jasper returns my yawns and I hear the rustling of sheets through the phone.

"Don't tell your psycho boyfriend I kept you up all night. I'd hate to end up like Paul," Jas jokes.

"What happened to him?"

"The ball _accidentally_ slipped out of Edward's hands and hit him right in the nose at practice."

"Are you for real?"

Jasper laughs. "He got the message, though. I don't think he'll be bugging you anymore."

We hang up and before I fall asleep, I send two texts.

The first is to my boy. _You're literally crazy._

The second is to my girl. _I'm sorry._


	25. Chapter 25

The next day I wake up to the feeling of way too much sleep. My phone says 7:23 am, minutes before I'm supposed to be at Edward's car to go to school. I pop out of bed, run down that stairs to find mom making coffee.

"I overslept!" I yell-panic. "Can you drop me off?"

I don't even wait for her response before running back up the stairs, sending a quick text to Edward, and hopping in the shower.

There's no time to look presentable, or do my hair, or pick out a super cute outfit. So, today, I settle on dark denim, University of Washington sweatshirt, and a pair of Uggs. My hair is wet, and as I let it air dry, I grab a banana and meet mom at the car.

"Sorry!" I tell her. "I must not have set my alarm."

Mom waves me off.

"I have to go to the store, anyways," she tells me after a big sip of coffee.

At school, I just barely make it to first period on time. Angela gives me a _what the hell happened to you_ look. This is not my usual attire. Everyone's used to seeing me in cute, girly outfits with lashes to the heavens and glossy-pink lips. My shoes are usually sparkly, and my hair is always done. Today, everyone thinks I have the flu or that Edward and I broke up.

I hear Mike telling Ben, "I heard he fucked around on her," during English.

The next period, Ben tells Mike, "word is Bella's the one who fucked around onhim."

I roll my eyes so hard it hurts. I catch Alice out of the corner of my eye as she turns around gives them the worst stink I've ever seen. She doesn't say anything, but Alice doesn't have to. She's scary-crazy and _don't fuck with me_ terrifying. No one crosses Alice for a reason.

I smile slightly, catching myself before her eyes fall on me. I glance at my paper and act like I didn't see my ex-girl sticking up for me silently. My belly warms all the way up to my throat and the butterflies of hope make my belly ache in the best way. I feel the burn of her eyes on my hair and my sweatshirt and the pimple on my chin uncovered from my lack of makeup. She's taking me in, wondering how last night affected me. I pull the edges of my sweatshirt down my palms, rest my head against my hand, and finish the worksheet in front of me.

It's not until lunch that everyone's gossip dissipates. Edward decides to show his face at our table today and I wonder if he's heard the rumors, too. I park myself next to him, everyone's eyes are on us, and kiss his lips gently but with purpose.

"These fucking losers," Edward says loudly, shaking his head in irritation. "As if we'd ever break up."

I laugh softly and offer him a piece of my pretzel which he takes. He pushes his tray towards me, and I grab some French fries.

Jasper and Alice sit farther away from us, but she's talking to more than just Jasper and I can hear her voice today. Paul sits next to Jasper. A long, white bandage covers the bridge of his nose, and he has bruises under his eyes. It doesn't look _bad_ bad, just bad.

All of lunch, Paul doesn't look at me once.

Edward, Jasper, and Alice act like everything is peachy, like last night wasn't the most intense night of our lives. And then I realize it wasn't… for them. Edward's words from the night before hit me.

_The shit that happens in this house when you aren't around… _

I lean over so just he can hear. "I need to talk to you."

He looks at me with a mouth full of carbs and nods over a dry swallow.

"My house or…?"

"Maybe somewhere a little more private?" I glance at his housemates on my last word.

He nods in understanding.

"Come over after practice."

He holds my hand and guides me through the crowd after lunch. Edward is tall, much taller than our peers, and he's well liked. Most guys give him a fist bump or a head nod or a "yo, Cullen" on our short walk to Art. It's not just the boys, though.

Senior girls, way prettier than I am, give him a sly smile and a gentle "hi, Edward" as he steps out of the way of their wandering hands. Other girls, nerdy girls, give him the eyes. I should be used to all the attention given to him, it's been weeks since we've been "out", but I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it.

The last half the day is easier than the first half. No one stares in wonder. No one spreads rumors and misinformation. No one really looks at me and I'm able to blend into the background finally.

I'm packing up at the end of the day as the weekend-excitement buzzes around. Outside, rain chills the tops of my exposed feet and matts down my hair. It's not enough to be considered rain, but it's enough to be considered annoying. The clouds above are stormy gray and I can almost smell that threat of thunder.

I beat Alice today.

I take the time alone to kiss my boyfriend and his beautifully supple, rich lips. I let the stubbly hairs on his face scratch against my cheeks. I breathe in the smell of cologne on his shirt and shampoo in his hair.

He doesn't give me his tongue. This kiss isn't about that. This kiss is _I cherish you _and _you're the best part of me _and _I love the way rain smells on you_. This kiss is secret for us… until Alice pulls the back door open and plops in.

"Ugh!," she says loudly. I glance at the clock. It's 3:07. "Mike fucking Newton tried me, and I had to—" she stops short. "Never mind. Sorry I'm late."

Edward puts the car into gear and we peel out. "It's cool," he says smoothly.

I wonder if they talked, patched things up, made amends.

After last night, the things that were said, I can't imagine it would be that easy for either of them. Each of them has something against the other, and it's sowed so deep into their core that simply plucking the weed won't do anything for the root. It'll continue to fester and grow, populating other colonies of irritation until their bodies are over run and their relationship is totally gone.

I need to stop it before it gets there.

"Can we talk?" I ask Alice, turning to her slightly.

She sees my bare face and hair that dried wet atop my head. She sees my plea but also my confidence. I'm not the sad Bella from weeks ago, crying myself to sleep at night because Alice won't talk to me. I've moved passed that.

I'm Bella, Edward's girlfriend, Jasper's sister, Alice's estranged girl. In that order.

"Okay." Her mild tone plays weakly on my ears. She's nervous.

"I'll come over after dinner," I tell her, glancing at Edward who gives me a curious look.

His support never wanes. I've always been his number one. He's put me first since he slipped _something dirty _in my locker and snuck me Blow Pops when no one was watching.

He squeezes my leg as Alice hops out of the car and leans over to kiss me suddenly, magically, like a 17-year-old boy kisses a girl he's in love with.

"See you tonight, Pretty B," he tells me, gripping my neck.

I walk-run to my house and shake the steady rain from my hair and clothes before walking inside. Mom's cooking an early dinner, listening to music, swaying around to the beat as I drop my backpack onto the table.

"How was school, honey?"

I give her a shrug and offer to help. Mom lets it go because she was a teenager once, and she hands me the ladle instructing me to keep stirring. We talk about thanksgiving and the weather and when we should tell dad about Edward.

"He'll be mad," I tell mom.

"Yes." She's always very honest. I appreciate it.

"How should we do it?"

Mom takes a breath and sighs. "I don't think it matters _how, _Bella. His reaction will be the same. But, if you plan it out, it might go over a little smoother. Have a plan. Be honest."

I nod, thinking through her words. "What happens when he tells me I can't see Edward anymore?" Tears prick the corners of my eyes. Irritation stings my throat. Panic floats around in my belly.

Mom doesn't have a good answer for me, but she gives me a smile and a look that says _we're in it together_.

Dad's at work until late tonight, so it's just us for dinner. Mom sets the table while I change into black leggings and a gray, long sleeved shirt. Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs, and I ask her to start writing down some recipes so I can have them.

"Okay, honey," she says with a surprised smile.

I'm not a bad cook, I just don't really do it often and I want to change that soon.

After dinner, I help mom clean up. We wash the dishes, dry, and put them away before she tells me she's going to do work in the basement.

"I think I'm going to go next door then," I tell mom.

"Is Edward back from practice already?" she asks.

"No, I'm going to talk to Alice."

"Oh," she says in surprise, "okay. Call me if you need anything, baby."

I give her a nod, a smile, and a hug before slipping out of the house.

As I walk over to my boy's house to talk to Alice, nervousness eats at my marrow and I'm tense. I trudge up the steps onto their porch and hug my arms around my middle. Normally, I'd just walk in. Today, I don't feel as welcome. I lift my fingers and rap my knuckles three times against the solid door.

Moments later, it's Mrs. Cullen's smile that welcomes me in. She's warm and sweet and like apple pie in winter. She's honest and calm. She's cheerful to see me.

"Edward's still at practice, sweetie," she says, checking the watch on her wrist and looks at me with confusion. "He won't be home for a while, actually. You can wait in the—"

"She's here for me," Alice says from behind her mom. Her quiet voice is strong.

"Oh," Mrs. Cullen says surprised. "Oh!" And she moves back to the kitchen with a smile.

We sit in the formal living room off the foyer as neutral ground. Her room is a huge no, and the basement has too many good memories to taint it with this conversation.

I sit cross legged on the sofa while her legs tie up Indian style on the ottoman across from me. There's plenty of space, but I can still feel apprehension and confusion and betrayal dripping off the ends of her faded-to-blonde hair.

"I have questions." It's a statement she makes as she picks at her nails.

"Me too," I agree, "but can we set some ground rules?"

She looks at me for the first time and cocks a brow.

"Let's agree not to yell or fight. We've had weeks of that, and I'm so over it."

Alice nods in agreement.

"So, you love him?" she asks.

I have to sort of choke out a laugh because she comes out guns blazing.

"Yes," I tell her with a smile.

"How? When? Why?" she stammers off. Alice clearly has so many questions but no real way of wording them, but I get it.

I take a deep breath and tell her everything.

I tell her about her thirteenth birthday when he pulled me into his room to make her that card. I tell her about truth or dare. I tell her about gentle touches, lingering looks, hidden smiles that no one noticed. I tell her about the time he opened up to me about what happened in Arizona and why they moved here. I tell her about the way my skin feels when he touches me and the swell in my chest, like it might just explode, when he lets me wear his hat, and how I wanted to die the day he hurt his ankle last summer. I tell her about the log he gave me my first kiss on, and that he waited so long, forever, until I was ready, to touch me in any way. I tell her about the love in my heart and under my fingernails, and weaved into every scar on my body. And, when I'm done, Alice just stares at me.

For a beat or two, things are quiet, tense, heavy. I watch as Alice's nostrils flare with every inhale. Her chest rises higher with each breath. We don't blink.

"Ask me something," she says suddenly, strangled by my confessions.

"Oh. Uh, uhm, wh-what did you have for din—"

"About me. About me and Jasper," she corrects.

I glance at her white knuckled fingers as they tensely hold her kneecaps. Her jaw grinds back and forth anxiously. Her glassy eyes stare into me.

My fingers find each other nervously and I look at the pale pink polish of my fingernails as I ask, "are you okay?"

She gives one big sigh and then we're quiet.

It's awkward.

Like really awkward.

I can feel her eyes on my bare toes and I curse myself for never wearing socks. I wonder if she can feel my eyes on her bitten-short nails and the way her fingers now grip the skin above her knee. I try to think of other questions I could ask. I had a whole list before I came over, but now I can't even remember my last name. Blood pounds in my ears and I might faint.

I can hear Mrs. Cullen as she pulls dishes from the dishwasher and clanks them around the cupboards. I wonder if she's being purposefully loud or if it just seems loud given the quietness of our conversation.

"I'm fine," Alice answers. Before I can nod, or say anything, she interjects. "You know everything now, and the only thing you can ask is if I'm ok?"

She's looking into me again, studying. I nod. I gulp. I straighten.

"I never stopped caring," I tell her. "You found out about me and Edward and disappeared, but I never stopped. I watched you for weeks, Alice. I had no freaking idea about you and Jasper doing that stuff… together."

"Just like I didn't know about you and my brother…"

"Right," I agree. "We were both surprised, I guess."

"Yeah."

And we're back at square one.

I'm beginning to get upset. I take a breath, re-cross my legs, and lean forward. I'm tired of keeping my feelings to myself for fear of losing any more of her.

"But the way we reacted was totally different."

"What do you mean?" she asks, eyes narrowed.

"The way you reacted when you found out about me and Edward and the way I reacted when I found out about you and Jas were totally different. You shut me out. You were mean. You were unforgiving, unrelenting, unrealistic. I missed you. I missed my friend, my girl. I understand why you reacted that way… mostly, but it still hurt, Alice. And when I found out about you and Jas, I was the one who made the first move. I asked you to sit with me and talk. I wanted to clear the air. I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I know!" Alice raises her voice. "I know, okay? I was a stubborn bitch, but that's the only way I knew how to deal with you and Edward without crying or screaming or throwing up! I felt stupid for not realizing it. I mean, how the fuck _didn't_ I realize it? Looking back, the way he looked at you, always wanting to sit near you, inviting you to all his games… everything was so obvious. I thought it was because you were like his little sister, like me, but I was obviously way wrong."

I can't help but laugh because yeah, she is way wrong.

I feel better when Alice laughs too.

And then the front door opens and slams shut. Four feet and two voices fill the empty foyer. Edward runs past, drops his gym bag by the laundry door, and yells to his mom, "I'll get that! B's going to be here any minute!" and then he rushes up the stairs.

Jas walks by us slower, looking and smiling gently. He stops by the laundry room and I hear him empty their bags in the washer and start it before walking into the kitchen and talking to Mrs. Cullen.

"I guess you have to go," she says with a small smile.

"Yeah, I guess so," I agree.

I stand, straightening my clothes, and when I reach the archway into the foyer, Alice asks, "do you maybe want to hang out sometime?"

She stands, too, only she's heading into the kitchen from the dinning room.

I smile and nod. "Yeah, I'd like that."

We don't resolve a lot, but I feel better. I'm sure more questions will come up, and we're at a place now where we're comfortable, confident answering them for each other. My cheeks tingle from the first smile she's given me in months. Hope is a dangerous, exciting thing.

I wait for Edward in the kitchen next to Mrs. Cullen as she rearranges the contents of the pantry. Boxes of cake, tubs of icing, and cans of vegetables line the island as she's on her hands and knees, scrubbing the wood.

"We have an away game next Thursday," Jas says, marking it on the calendar on the fridge. "We probably won't be home until late."

Jas looks at me as he takes his seat on the stool. No ride home from Edward that day I guess.

"I'll have to remember to ask my mom to pick me up that day."

"If I had my own _car_, I could take us home," Alice says pointedly, speaking to her mom. I square my shoulders, excited at the idea that she used the word _us_ in this hypothetical situation.

Mrs. Cullen doesn't miss a beat. "If you could keep your room clean and show some _responsibility_ around here, you could earn one."

"Hey, Pretty," Edward says, walking up behind me to kiss my shoulder. "When'd you get here?" I don't have to turn around to see the smile lighting up his face, but I do anyways.

I'm right. His teeth are Colgate sparkly and fresh. He's in joggers, a white and gray striped shirt, and zipped up hoodie. He looks relaxed but still so incredibly good. God, my boyfriend is so freaking hot.

"Awhile, actually," I tell him honestly. "Alice and I were talking."

"Yeah?" he asks, brows raised, glancing from his girl to his sister. He's excited for me. He knows what this means.

"Yep," Alice says, settling in next to Jasper on a stool.

"Cool," Edward says with a nod and smile. "I think we're going to drive down to the beach." He stops to look at me, then to the couple in front of us. "Want to join?"

He looks from Jas to Alice.

Alice looks form Jas to me.

I smile in invitation. I guess we'll get to hang out a lot sooner than we thought.

"Okay," she shrugs.

Nervousness swims in my blood and sinks into my marrow. What if we're boring? What if we have nothing to talk about? What if we're not us anymore? What if too much time has passed? What if she—

"Be safe," Mrs. Cullen calls, interrupting my anxiety.

Edward hands the keys to Jasper as he walks by. "We'll be there in a minute."

Edward shuts the front door as they walk out, checks to make sure his mom is preoccupied, then backs me against the wall in the foyer.

"Baby," he whispers against my neck. "Baby, baby, B," he calls, placing his lips across my collar bone, up my neck, to my ear, then my jaw.

Our hips are separated, on purpose, but I want the friction, so I try to rub myself against his thigh, his knee, his anything.

He laughs against my cheek and kisses me softly. He plays with my lips, gives me his tongue and his spit, and then pulls back. He's definitely swollen in his joggers, and I wish he hadn't invited them with us. We could have tried what he's whispered in my ear, over the phone, late at night so many times—me on top in his backseat.

Edward takes my hand and leads me to his car.

"If I didn't do that now, it'd be the only thing I was thinking of tonight," he explains.

"Mhm," I tell him.

Jas and Alice are in the back, and when we get in, Jasper says, "see, Al, they weren't fucking."

Alice hits Jasper's arm, I shake my head, and Edward barks out a laugh.

"Fuck no. I'm not a minute man," Edward says proudly.

"Just drive!" Alice yells from the back.

We laugh and it almost feels like it used to.

At the beach, we park as close as we can to sand so we can hear the crash of the water with our windows up. We're all silent for a very long time. Edward's hand rests atop of thigh, and I hold it there.

There are two other cars parked next to each other. Edward and Jas know the guys in them from a traveling basketball team in the off season. After some time, both cars drive off, and we're totally alone and secluded.

He kills the engine and Jas lights up in the back.

He takes a hit and passes it to Alice. She takes two before passing it to me. I inhale slightly and pass it to back to Alice, but Edward grabs my wrist and pulls the joint to his lips. He's looking at me so intensely it makes my fingerprints tingle.

"Aren't they doing drug tests?" I breathe. He told me he and Jas had to cut back on smoking due to random drug tests for basketball.

"Turns out coach was bending the truth." He inhales deeply again before passing it back to Jasper. "They almost never drug test in high school and they only do it for suspected steroid use."

He looks right at me as he blows smoke my way. The smoke is warm and skunky, but I inhale whatever he gives me because it came from him.

We share one another round, and this time I inhale deeper, watching him watch me. His smirk says _careful_ and my lungful of smoke says _always_.

It doesn't take long for Edward's eyes to hood and lazy laughs escape us all. Jas and Alice cuddle in the back, her back to his chest. Edward's leaned against the console so I can rest my head against is shoulder.

He reaches forward to turn up the volume of the music that Jasper controls from his phone. It's dark and raspy but moves in sync with the water in front of us somehow.

"I want to taste your skin when we get home," he whispers.

"Okay," I tell him softly.

"Your knees, the bend of your elbow, between your toes—"

"No, Edward, ew. Not there."

He straightens and looks at me. "Yes. Everywhere."

I roll my eyes, give me an exasperated chuckle, and settle back on his shoulder. "Ok, whatever."

"Your fingernails, the back of your neck, under your chin…"

He goes on to name random places he wants to put his tongue. I take the joint from Jasper, it's nearly gone now, and inhale deepest yet as he places his mouth to my ear and says, "your clit."

I don't choke in surprise, but I shiver gently and circle my hips. I know he waited until I had a lungful of smoke to give me those words, but it was worth it.

We spend the rest of our night at the beach listening to music, talking about our future, discussing when Rose and Em will break up again.

"They won't," I defend.

"You're on crack," Alice argues. "Those two are complete nut bags."

"Yeah, they're literally perfect for each other."

Edward shakes his head. "They are for sure."

"They'll be married by twenty," I venture.

"Because she'll be knocked up," Alice adds.

We all laugh because it's probably true, but I meant what I said about those two being perfect for each other. They're the right mix of vain and kind with a dash of crazy. Okay, a heaping cup of crazy.

On the way home, I make Edward stop and grab snacks from the gas station. He rarely denies me, and tonight is no different as I pile candy bars, chips, and two giant red slushies onto the counter. The employee pops her gum and gives us a knowing look. Edward pays without a word and kisses me silly as he opens my door. I throw the bag at Jasper and hand Alice a slushy.

Her eyes light up. She's not nearly as sleepy as she usually is when she's high… and then I realize it's because it wasn't just weed she was doing then.

Alice is alive and giggly and loud. She dives into her slushy and sucks it down before we make it home.

In the basement, Alice puts something on the TV, but I'm too busy reveling in the fact that I can sit in the basement with my friends and my boyfriend without hiding anymore. Maybe it's the fact that Alice is high and happy, but she doesn't say anything when she turns around to see my back against Edward's chest as we cuddle in the corner.

"Snickers?" she asks.

I nod and she tosses it to me as she takes a bite of her Cheetos. Jasper sits on the floor behind her, back against the couch, watching as she bounces around to find him a snack.

Edward tosses a blanket over us and wraps his arm around my chest.

"Hi, Baby," he whispers, kissing the nape of my neck, his fingers tickle the side of my breast.

I nuzzle into him and relax, enjoying a blissful moment with my guy, Jas, and Al.

~!~

The next day at home, I help mom with the grocery list for Thanksgiving. Dad's off, so mom wants to cook a huge dinner.

"We could invite the Cullen's," she offers.

I think about it before shaking my head. "I think it'll be nice if it's just us."

Plus, I don't want the stress of dad maybe finding out about me and Edward.

Mom shrugs and nods. "Maybe we'll invite grandma and grandpa."

I give mom a questioning look. It's not that mom doesn't like her in-laws, they're nothing but nice and doting and usually bring me a present every time they visit. But they always have an opinion about something.

"Maybe," she says again.

~!~

It's the night before Thanksgiving, and I'm bored out of my mind. We had off of school today, and I helped mom with some prep for tomorrow. She did invite grandma and grandpa, and they're coming in tomorrow morning.

Dad's home, sleeping off the nightshift he worked last night. He and mom occupy the living room. I watch movies with them in between doing some reading and texting my boyfriend.

_Come over_.

_Can't. I'd miss mom sketching and dad snoring on the couch._

_I need you._

_What's wrong? _

_I just need you._

_Are you okay?_

_?_

He never responds. Thirty-three minutes later, I make an excuse to go up to my room and call him.

"Hi, B," he whisper-yawns.

"What's wrong?" I ask, panic slowly subsiding as I realize he was asleep.

"Nothing, what's wrong with you?"

"You said you needed me."

"Always need you, B."

"What did you mean?"

I hear him yawn and stretch and sigh contently. "My dick was hard. I needed you."

I shake my head and sit on my bed. I give him a frustrated groan.

"Was? Needed?"

"Mhm."

"So you…?"

"I what?"

"Edward!"

He chuckles lowly in my ear, knowing full well what he does to me.

"What?"

I lean back into my pillows and sigh.

"Did you want to join me, Pretty B?"

"Maybe."

"Well, shit. Keep talking. I can get it up again."

My giggle fills the phone. "Edward," I say in a soft moan, mostly teasing.

"Bella," he sighs back.

"I wish you were here."

"Me too. What would we be doing?"

I smirk as I stand, shut and lock my door, and lay back on my bed.

"Well, my parents are downstairs, so you'd have to sneak in. Maybe you could climb the lattice under my window, but you have to be quiet. My dad has an ear for kinky boys trying to get in his innocent daughter's room."

He's quiet for a moment too long.

"Edward?"

And then my phone vibrates. I pull it back and see the last thing I'd ever expect just as he says, "I've jerked off to that scenario since I could see up your fucking pajama shorts, Bella. Hearing you say… knowing that you think that too… that's what you do to me."

I gape at the picture on my bright screen. It's Edward's very hard, very long, very thick cock. His fist wraps around what he can grasp.

I can't form the words I want to say like _I want to put that cock in my mouth right now _and _remember what it feels like inside my pussy?_ so I just don't say anything. But I stare. Boy, do I stare.

"Was that too much? Fuck, I'm sorry. I should have… I should have asked before I sent that, B."

"No," I interrupt, "no." I breathe heavily. "I, uh, I like it."

"Yeah?"

"Like, really like it."

I slip my fingers into my sweats and touch the smooth skin of my center. When my middle finger slips between my lips, I whimper gently.

"Wh-what are you doing?" he whispers.

"Touching myself."

He grunts and breaths. I can't hear him grasp himself or work his fist up and down, but I know the sounds he makes when I do it, and if I close my eyes, I can picture him laying on his bed doing exactly what he sent me. And then I have a thought.

"When you imagine me touching myself, what do you picture?" I ask softly, curiously.

"A lot," he admits. "Your fingers on your clit rubbing circles, your fingers pushed in as far as they'll go, imagining it's my cock, your pointer and middle finger spreading your lips so I can see that pink pussy."

I squeeze my lips together and muffle the moans. "Keep going," I urge as I strip from the waist down.

He continues talking about how he pictures me, what he sees when he pleasures himself, everything that turns him on. I take my phone and do one of the poses he told me before. Legs spread, fingers pulling lips apart, and snap a picture of my wet, pink center. I send it before I back out.

"I love you," I breathe out, going back to rubbing myself faster. He can tell I'm close by the breathiness of my words, and he urges me to come, to allow myself to feel whatever I need to, to open up and explode with small, tight circles around my clit. And I do. I press my lips together and breathe slowly, harshly through my intense, quiet orgasm.

I come down and laugh gently.

Edward laughs with me.

"Did you get it?" I ask.

"Get what, B?"

I'm shy and embarrassed now that I'm off the ledge and maybe I should have never sent that picture. He didn't ask for it, so maybe he doesn't want it. Maybe he'll think it's disgusting. Maybe he—

"Holy. Fuck."

Now I can hear the slam of his fast on his groin. Now I can hear the breaths he pulls in, the struggle not to grip my hair and force my mouth down, the rigidity of his muscles as he imagines my mouth then my pussy wrapped around him.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he grunts out harshly. His breath is static filled, and I know it's because his mouth is right by the microphone as he has the phone pulled away from his ear to look at _me._

"Fuck," he drawls and grunts and shivers.

His breathing slows. He takes deeper lungfuls. He whispers love.

"Get your ass over here now, Bella."

I hang up, clean up, and smile gently at what I have the ability to do to him.

I brush my hair, curling the ends, and slip into black jeans and light pink sweater. My lips are swollen red from biting back moans, so I put on some gloss.

Alice texts _wanna sleep over? I'm gonna invite Rose too. I think we need a girls night… or whatever the hell you girls call it._

I send her back a wink and a heart emoji.

I'm on cloud infinity and when I walk downstairs to find dad snoring on the couch, I know it'll be easy to get away.

"Going to the Cullens?" mom asks, looking up from her sketch book. He fingertips are graphite grey and shiny.

"Alice wants to have a girl's night. Is that ok?"

Mom smiles with a nod. "Be home early tomorrow, okay honey? Your grandparents will want to spend as much time with you as they can."

I nod, lean over and kiss her cheek. "Thanks, mom."

~!~

When I run into my second home, Mr. Cullen wraps a blue silk tie around his collar and Mrs. Cullen stabs a diamond into her ear. She's draped in a gold, sequin dress that trails on the floor and she never once falls as she slips into her heels.

_Impressive. _

"Bella," Mr. Cullen smiles. "You really do have my son smitten," he laughs and shakes his head.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused.

"If that boy isn't talking _to _you, he's talking _about _you."

His smile never falls. He looks at me in the mirror as he ties the fabric with ease. His smile turns to a smirk as he glances behind me to the stairs and I see where his son gets it from. I turn to find Edward.

"Can you really blame me, dad?"

Mr. Cullen's smirk stays in place and he shakes his head.

Alice takes the steps two at time and yanks me by the wrist.

"I need you. Right now."

"Alice Cullen, be _good _tonight," her dad calls.

"She's _my_ girlfriend!" Edward yells as I'm yanked passed him.

I throw him my best _I'm sorry_ face and follow Al upstairs and into her room. She slams the door, locks it, and turns to me with wide, frightened eyes.

"I'm fucking pregnant."


	26. Chapter 26

**Hi, everyone! Thanks so much for all the kind words of encouragement and support. Your reviews keep me going. I love hearing your thoughts and opinions. I'll admit that I hit a bit of a wall trying to steer this story where I want it to go. In college, I learned when that happens, it's best to take a step back and work on something else. So I did. I started a new story that's much lighter than this, easier, simple. Maybe when this one is complete, I'll publish that one, too!**

**I hope you all enjoy this next chapter. Let me know what you think by leaving a review!**

* * *

"I'm fucking pregnant."

My mouth drops. Literally drops.

"Shut up!" I yell in panic.

My heart is a jackhammer immediately and all at once.

Alice is sixteen. She's still a baby. She can't _have _a baby!

"Fuck!" she yells, slamming her head against the door.

I grab my phone and call Rose until she answers because she'll know what to do.

"Where are you?"

"I'm almost there, damn, where's the fire?" she asks.

"Just hurry up!" I yell back before ending the call.

"Who knows?" I ask.

"You!"

She isn't crying. She isn't devastated. She isn't panicked.

I slide down her wall and plop next to her. My arm wraps around her shoulders, and I pull her in like Edward does for me. I envelope her and hold her and be there. And then I start thinking about everything.

What did my mom tell me when I started my period? I don't know, I was too embarrassed to listen!

What did my doctor say when prescribing my birth control? I don't know, I couldn't stop thinking about finally having sex with Edward.

What did we learn about in health? Something about ovulation after your period but that's all I remember. Shit! I should probably know this. I pull out my phone and google the dumbest thing ever _how to get pregnant_ while praying my mom never looks at my search history. I couldn't even imagine that conversation.

"So it says you ovulate half way between your last period and your next period."

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

I laugh because I have no freaking clue. "In an average 28 day cycle, ovulation usually happens 14 days before the start of the next menstrual period."

Alice giggles.

"What's so funny?"

"Menstrual period."

I laugh back.

"Alice! This is not a time to joke!"

She dries the tears that start as laughter before they end as tears from nervousness.

"It's just… how can I have a _baby_ if I can't even say menstrual period?"

I continue reading, "to maximize fertility, do these: have sex regularly—"

"Check."

"Have sex near time of ovulation—"

"Fucking check… I think."

"Okay, let's move on. When was your last period?"

"September."

"It's almost December!" I take a breath. Shit, what if she really is pregnant?

"I fucking know!"

There's a bang on the door.

"Go the fuck away!" Alice yells.

"It's me, bitch. Open up."

_Rosalie. _

I sigh in relief. She'll know what to do.

She sets the bottle of vodka down and pulls out three shot glasses with a smile and a bounce.

I shake my head slowly as she offers us the glasses.

"What?"

Rose looks from me to Alice to the untouched shot glasses and back to me.

He eyes grow. Her head drops. Her fingers screw the cap back on the bottle.

"Fuck," she whispers, sitting across from us. "I always thought I'd be the first to get knocked up."

Alice gives a sullen laugh. "So did we."

Twenty minutes later and we're discussing everything.

"Okay, so you're preggo and you'll give birth like end of the summer. You'll be seventeen and a half then. Shit, you can do it, Al. My mom had me at seventeen," Rose says matter-of-factly.

"I can't have a fucking baby, Rose. Have you met me? There's not one motherly bone in my body. I don't even like baby animals. You think I'll like an actual baby? They cry and poop and they're so loud. I'll never be able to sleep in ever again. I want to sleep in!"

"Okay, okay. Calm down,"

I scratch my head. This is freaking me out. I try and put myself in Alice's shoes. What if Edward got me pregnant? I mean, I take my pill like clockwork because I want us to have a future—us as in me and Edward, not me, Edward, and a baby… I mean, not yet anyways. What would it be like though? I can't even imagine the fear. The sinking rock in my stomach. Telling my dad. Oh my god, my heart's beating faster than before.

I quickly shake those thoughts and feelings.

"When did you take the test?" I ask.

"What test?"

"The pregnancy test. Hello!"

"I didn't take one."

Rose rolls her eyes and I straighten.

"Well then how do you even know you're pregnant?"

"My tits are sore. I didn't have a period in October. Jasper didn't pull out, like, a bunch of times. I missed a pill or two this fall. It all adds up!" Alice panics.

"Okay. Relax. No one's pregnant until you pee on a stick. Do you have one? My mom has a bunch, but she's home and I can't sneak into her bathroom." Rose claps Alice on the shoulder in solidarity.

Alice shakes her head. "My mom doesn't have any."

"I'll get Edward to take me to the store," I reason. "I'll tell him I need snacks or something."

Alice looks at me and nods.

"What kind should I get?"

We spend the next few minutes looking up the best test to get and decide no blue dye tests as they give false results or something. Alice hands me a twenty.

"For the test and some chocolate. If I'm going to get fat, may as well start early."

"You can borrow my clothes then," I tease, and Alice forces a laugh.

Downstairs, Edward, Jasper, and Emmett are engulfed in video games. Edward's sitting on the couch, coaching his friends.

"Watch your back! Oh shit, drive drive drive! To the left!" Edward yells until a car crashes into another and Emmett tosses his controller down in anger.

"This game fucking cheats," Em yells.

My laughter interrupts, and all three boys turn their attention to me.

"Hey B," his friends say.

"C'mere," my guy says.

I fall onto the couch, and he pulls me into his lap.

His nose nuzzles my neck and his arms hug my waist.

Over the last few weeks, I've definitely packed on some pounds. My already soft tummy has gotten softer and I have to suck in to button my jeans.

"I'm getting so fat," I whine to Edward one night a few weeks ago. I try to button my pants and tear up when I can't.

"They've always been tight on you," Edward says.

I think he's trying to make me feel better, but when I start to cry, he walks over to me and holds me in his arms.

"I know they have because I've always been fat!"

"Bella," he starts in an annoyed tone.

"What."

He skims his hands down my sides from my breasts, past my waist, to the swell of my hips, and lands on my bottom.

"You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. You have the sweetest smile and prettiest, lightest eyes. Your ears are dainty and your collarbone is…" He finishes his sentence with a bite right where he's talking about. "Your freckles are like tiny sprinkles that decorate your body, and you know I love to taste them." Edward bends to kiss my cheek. "I love your breasts, and the tiny red mark under your left nipple. I love watching your belly move as you breathe when I give you my cock. And I especially love watching your beautiful, soft ass bounce in these tight fucking pants when you walk away from me at school. You are beautiful."

I can feel the blush creep up my belly and into my neck and by the time it gets to my cheeks, I'm kissing him so hard my lips hurt.

"What's up, Pretty?" Edward asks, sandwiching me between his chest and his arms that now hold the controller.

"Take me to the drugstore?" I ask softly.

"For what?" His eyes are trained on the TV, and his body jerks and moves in sync with the car he's driving in the game.

"Snacks."

"We have more than enough here, B. My mom made us an apple pie and left us ice cream in the freezer."

Shit. Mrs. Cullen knows my weakness for apple pie a la mode.

"I know, but you don't have skittles, and I really, really want some skittles right now."

I give a little moan for emphasis.

Edward sighs and hangs his head. It works, but he needs a little more convincing.

"Pllllease?" I ask in my sweetest voice. I turn so I'm straddling him and smile gently. I know Em's hanging on every moment of this, and so I give a good show. "When else will we get to be alone tonight, Edward?" I whisper.

Edward tosses the controller to Emmett, hitting him in the chest as he pushes me off and stands.

I smile sweetly and stand on my tippy toes to peck his lips.

"I'll be back," Edward announces.

"You need a rubber?" Emmett asks in a half joking, half serious tone.

"Nah," Edward says, throwing an arm around my shoulders and up the stairs.

"Guess his pullout game is strong," Em jokes just loud enough for me to hear as we round the corner to the foyer where I slip on my shoes. The girls are in the formal living room watching as we leave. Alice's leg bounces so fast and Rose gently rests her hand on Alice's knee to calm her.

In the car, Edward's hand grips my thigh and slides up and down.

"You're a little tease, Isabella Swan," he says with a laugh.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you make my dick hard in front of my friends all for some fucking skittles."

My laughter bubbles out and I turn to see him smile.

"You've jerked off like a million times today. Aren't you good?"

We pull up to the drug store and he puts the car in park. "I'm a teenage boy who has girlfriend with a sexy little body and a face to match, Bella. I could jerk off 10 times a day and it still wouldn't be enough."

Edward squeezes my knee and then adjusts his pants. His hand goes to the key and before he can turn it, I tell him, "I'll go in. You stay here and deal with your little… problem."

"It's not little, B. You of all people should know that."

"Okay, whatever, just… stay here."

"You sure?" he asks before sending me smirk. "Maybe we can pick out some flavored lube or some shit."

I peck his cheek and pop out of the car. "Nah, that's okay." I shut the door as he groans.

I know that I'm leaving him high and dry, and I used the possibility of getting him off as a way to get a pregnancy test for his sister, but making him come isn't the highest thing on my list of to-dos right now.

Inside, I find the aisle with feminine product and pick up the brand we decided on. I pass by the sexual health section of the aisle, and glance briefly before my eyes land on something that claims to stimulate and intensify for him and her. Alright, fine. Maybe making him come is _somewhere_ on my to-do list. He's just so freaking hot and I love the way he moans when it's me doing it to him. I grab it quickly, burry it under the pregnancy test, and go. After throwing some candy in the basket, I head to the register.

I ask for it to be double bagged, so Edward doesn't see what's inside.

Back in the car, I slip on my seat belt, and pull out the surprise.

"I just put the monster to sleep," he says, leaning over to capture my lips. He tries to release me, but I don't let him go until I'm ready.

When I finally pull back, he chuckles and grabs the box to inspect it.

"Is that a good one?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Want to find out?"

I don't even have to nod before he's pulling out of the parking lot and driving down the road faster than I want him to. He turns left then right and heads straight. I recognize the area. He pulls into an empty parking lot, set away from the street, and parks behind a dumpster. Our car is hidden, squeezed in between the brick wall, steel dumpster, and dense forest.

Edward crawls in the back after turning off the car and nods his head for me to follow along. I crawl back and fumble to the seat next to him, but he's pulling me on his lap and grinding against me already.

"Edward, how are you always just ready to go?"

"My good-girl, sexy as fuck girlfriend bought us his and hers lube. Plus, these tight ass leggings? Baby your ass…" and then he squeezes it and pulls me back and forth over him. "You gotta let me put it in there."

He can't see, but I roll my eyes. I reach for him and move his pants down to his thighs, releasing his erection, and wrap my fingers around it. Grunts and heavy breathing fill the space around us already.

"You want to put this in my butt?" I ask like it's a sick joke.

"Not just shove in there, Bella," he mumbles. "But, yeah. First you gotten loosen up, use something to stretch you out a little, then we'll use a lot of lube to keep it slick, and then I'll fuck this tight little ass—"

I grab the lube and pour it onto his cock to shut him up. I can't even imagine how having this huge thing up _there_ would provide me any pleasure at all. I start sliding my fist up and down slowly and I hope he forgets what he was saying.

"What's it like?" I ask.

"Warm."

"Is that good?" I ask curiously.

"Yes."

I grip firmer and circle my fist faster. He's hard as stone between my palm and fingers, and I want nothing more than to feel him between my legs. Edward senses this. He pulls my leggings down and off one leg, sits me back so my bottom is positioned near his knees, and leans me back so I'm resting between the seats up front. I brace one arm behind me on the arm console and continue pumping him up and down. Edward pulls me by my ankles so I'm all but lying flat. I crane my neck to watch as he sets my feet on his shoulders, squirts lube above my clit, and rubs just my clit with the pad of his thumb.

"Relax," he whispers.

I lean back so my upper half is in the front seat, and maneuver with him as he pulls me so my center is as close to his. He's still rubbing my clit, and my knees are spread and near my chest. If I look at him I'm sure I'll see his free hand pumping his dick. But, right now, I'm enjoying the coolness of the lube and small, tight circles where I'm pulsating.

"How's that?" he whispers.

"Good," I mewl.

"What's it feel like for you?"

"Cool and tingly, like my vagina just rinsed with mouthwash."

He chuckles and pushes harder on my clit, making my hips buck. He rubs again and again and again until he replaces his thumb with the head of his cock and he slaps it against my swollen clit. I sit up and watch as he pours more lube on the head.

I reposition myself before he can move to lay me down, and take his shaft in my hand, rubbing the head against my opening.

I sink slowly, opening myself up to this new position, and wait for the burning stretch to dissipate. He's mostly all the way in when I breathe.

"Oh, fuck," he whispers softly, bending his neck to watch my lips wrap around him.

I'm on my knees and I'm grinding back and forth. My clit scratches against him, and I don't quite know what to do with my hands. He grabs them and places them on his neck.

"Do what makes you feel good, baby," he says gently, allowing me to control this new position.

"Like this?" I ask, lifting up and dropping back down shallowly.

He grunts out a "yes" and I'm encouraged.

I do it again. I raise up more and when I drop back down, it's a little harder. Moans fill the heated car, and I don't know if they belong to me or him. What I do know is that felt freaking good, so I do it again.

I lift my hips highest yet and fall back harder.

The head of his cock hits me in just the right place, and my legs tremble.

"Shit," I breathe-shake and grind myself into him.

Edward takes my hips and helps me out.

The sensation is cool, my insides are tingling, and my clit throbs in the best way.

Edward helps me so that my feet are flat on the bench seat, and my back is arched. My head falls backwards toward the front from lack of height in the car. He scoots his bottom down closer to the edge of the seat and spreads his legs.

"You should see yourself right now," he moans.

Being on my feet instead of my knees gives me more power to lift, so I do. I lift almost all the way up and slam back down, but this time I don't stop. My legs are shaking from physical exertion.

I think about the way his cock hits against my walls over and over. I think about the sounds he's making—the sounds my body, my sex does to him. I think about him pulsating inside of me, harder than before, so close to the edge for the third time today because of me. I ride harder. I ride faster. My hips slam into his until the knot in my belly pulls as tight as I've ever felt it, and I'm almost in tears over the extreme pleasure, and when he digs his fingers into the soft skin of my hip to help me fuck him, I almost die.

I can hear his breaths come out in pants and he's whimpering things like "pinkest fucking pussy" and "so fucking tight" and all I can think is "right there. Don't stop".

"Right fucking here?" he asks, confirming that what I said was actually out loud.

"Yes," I moan loudly, slamming into him. "Yes, Edward. Oh shit, yes."

When he touches his thumb against my clit and pounds into me, I'm free falling and flailing.

My voice fills the inside of the car, and my whole body shakes from the intensity of my orgasm. His thumb stays put, but his hips continue to hammer into me from below.

He gives a final, "fuck, fuck, fuck" before he pushes himself in all the way and releases in strong pulsating streams.

I come to and watch his face contort but the only thing I can see is that little pink box in the front seat. I quickly get off and finish him with my hand. I can feel most drip from my swollen lips onto his thigh, and the rest falls on my hand.

If he minds, he doesn't let on.

"Jesus, Bella, that was so fucking hot."

I giggle because what else can I do. He helps me up, puts my leggings back on my free leg, and I help readjust his pants. Using his boxers, Edward soaks up what leaked out of me before we climb back into the front.

After we're repositioned and buckled in, Edward leans over and kisses me tenderly.

"Thank you," he whispers.

"For?"

He sighs and releases me.

"Loving me the way you do."

I smile and kiss his chin then his neck.

"And for making you come three times today?"

He laughs. "Well, technically only two since I did it the first time."

"And what were you thinking of the first time?"

"This."

"Then it's three."

~!~

On the way home, I ask, "think they'll know what we did?"

"Are you kidding me? I smell like pussy and there's jizz all over me."

I look down and notice a dark spot on his thigh as we pull into the driveway.

Inside, Edward runs up to his room as Alice gives me the _what the fuck took so long_ look. Rose gives me a _you dirty little slut _smirk.

"Uhm, I might have stepped on your chocolate bar," I tell her, holding it up.

"If you hadn't stopped for a quickie you wouldn't have!"

We're all paused in fear because is this too soon but then Jasper cuts the tension with a surprised laugh and Emmett follows suit. Soon, we're all laughing, even Alice.

Upstairs, I read her the directions.

"Pee in a cup. Dip the stick in. Wait three minutes."

"Just pee right on the stick, Alice. I've done it a million times," Rose says in boredom.

"You have?" Al asks.

"But the directions say pee in a cup and dip—"

"Bella, all she has to do is pee on the thing and it'll tell her."

"Fine, whatever," I say, tossing the directions on the bed as Alice makes her way to the bathroom, stick in hand.

When she comes back, Alice sits beside me and holds the stick, wrapped in toilet paper, in her hand.

"Lay if flat. Wait three minutes. Two lines means you're preggo. One line means you're not."

"What if I am?" she asks, sitting on the floor next to the stick.

"What if you are?" I repeat.

"I'll keep it, I guess."

"You have options."

"I'm not having an abor—"

"I mean adoption, dumbass," Rose corrects in irritation.

"Why would I go through all the work of growing a baby, stretching my vag to push the thing out, and then not even get to keep it?"

"Uh, because you're only sixteen?"

"Some couples can't have babies, right?" I offer. "Maybe you could see it as helping them start a family."

Alice doesn't say much, but I can sense she's nervous. Her nails are bitten to nubs. Her second day hair hangs limply on her shoulders.

"I'm not Santa Clause," Alice says. "I can't just grow a baby and give it away like it's nothing!"

Her eyes well with tears and I know what she's decided.

We sit in silence until the timer on her phone goes off, and then we sit in silence even longer

after she turns it off.

After a while, Alice huffs and unwraps the stick.

She sits and stares for what feels like an hour. She says nothing, she does nothing.

"What's it say?" I finally ask.

"It says nothing," Alice says flatly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it says nothing!"

She's getting angry. My heart sinks. Maybe she can't accept that it's—

"There are no lines."

"No lines?" Rose asks. "Let me see."

I peak over her shoulder and, in fact, the window that should display at least one control line has nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

"Well, shit," I say. "What's that mean?"

Alice starts freaking and Rose just stares.

I scramble to the directions and read through it again.

"If after 10 minutes no line appears in the oval control test window, the test in invalid. Repeat with a new test. Factors that might affect the accuracy of the test include following test procedures inaccurately. See! I knew we should have just followed the freaking directions."

"The ones I've taken just say to pee on it."

"How many did you get?" Al asks, hopeful for a beat too long.

"Just one," I tell her softly. "They were pretty expensive."

She hangs her head in defeat.

"That's it," she explains, "I'm telling Jasper he needs to wrap it up every single time he sticks it in me. I never want to go through this again."

"Yeah, just wear a fucking condom," Rose explains, grabbing a bag of skittles and popping a handful in her mouth. "They suck, but you know what sucks even more? Having a fucking baby when you're sixteen."

"You use condoms?" I ask Rose in surprise. I guess it makes sense since Emmett offered one earlier.

"Uh, don't _you?_"

My cheeks heat and I'm frozen. I look from Rose to Alice slowly.

"Well?" Alice asks.

"Uhm," I mumble.

"You don't?" Rose questions.

"Not really."

"Does he pull out?"

"No."

"Jesus, Bella. You're playing with fire," Rose warns.

"I take the pill religiously."

They both shake their heads.

"Edward's worked so hard for a basketball scholarship. He wants to go pro," Alice explains.

"I know."

"He already had one pregnancy scare, remember?"

"Yeah."

Alice looks at me. "Just… be careful."

I nod slowly.

"And ew, let's not talk about where my brother… ugh, nevermind, I'm going to throw up."

"Are you going to tell Jasper?" I ask.

She nods. "I probably have to, right?"

I shrug. "I have no idea. I guess it would be the best thing to do."

We spend the next few hours talking about school and thanksgiving and annoying brothers and when Jessica Stanley slipped down the stairs the day she wore platform heels to school. We talk about when we had our first kiss and what our first time was like. Alice doesn't even cringe that hard when I tell her, very, _very_ briefly, about mine.

Out of nowhere, Rose admits, "Em loves when I bite his nipples."

Al tries to one up her. "Oh yeah? Jas loves to suck on my toes."

"Oh my god!" I scream-laugh, falling to my side and laughing ferociously because ew.

They're both looking at me.

"Well?" Rose prods.

I look to Al.

"Just say it!" she yells.

I laugh and admit, "Edward loves to call me Isabella."

"Like, when you're fucking?" Rose asks.

"Yeah, or, like, just any time he's turned on."

Alice shivers and stuffs her face with chocolate. So do I. This is weird.

"He's got those long fingers. I bet that shit feels good."

Alice stands quickly, headed for the door.

I giggle and nod.

"Let's go eat some pie!" Alice yells, running to the stairs in hopes of leaving this conversation behind.

We all stumble down the steps and dig into the pie Mrs. Cullen left for us.

"So good," Rose says.

"So, so good," I moan and give a little wiggle.

"That's what good pie does for me, too," Edward laughs and walks up behind me, brushing the hair away from my neck. His eyes are serious, dilated, as he rubs my neck with his fingers.

"Want some?" I ask over a mouthful, offering him what's left on my fork.

He smirks. "Not the kind of pie I was talking about."

Alice and Jas gag. I smile in embarrassment and glance down.

Rose laughs so loud it hurts my ears.

"Why can't you be like that?" she asks Emmett.

"Like what?" asks Em, crumbs spilling from his mouth.

"Flirty and sexy and dirty."

"I am."

Rose rolls her eyes. "No, you just ask 'can I lick your pussy' and that's certainly not the same."

I cringe a little.

"Am I not supposed to ask?"

"Sometimes I want you to just throw me down and fucking do it!" Rose yells.

This feels like an argument they have frequently.

"Fine then," Em says, tossing his fork on the counter and stomping over to Rose.

"Oh, god," Alice groans.

Em puts her over his shoulder and walks down the stairs.

"Not the basement!" we all call after him.

~!~

Later, after we demolish the apple pie, we couple up in the basement. Edward and I are in the far corner, Rose and Em are in the other, and Alice and Jas occupy the oversized chair nearest Rose and Em.

There's a movie playing, but I don't really watch it. Instead, I keep my eyes and ears pinned to Alice to make sure she's not having an internal panic attack.

_You okay?_ I send quickly.

_I think so. Just… scared. I'm going to tell him tonight after the movie is over._

_Oh shit. Do you need me?_

_No, but thanks, B. I think I should do it alone._

I nod and give her a smile.

Edward leans down.

"What are you two talking about, Pretty?" he asks softly.

I shake my head and place my phone down.

He kisses the top of my head and brings my body closer to his.

Everything we sacrificed, the years of secrets and hiding and hurting… everything paid off. Here am I, sitting on the couch on a Wednesday with my boyfriend and my best friends in the world and I'm finally able to kiss Edward anytime I want.

My heart soars out of my chest. I feel higher than I've ever been right now.

~!~

After the movie ends, Alice grabs Jasper's hand and they disappear.

"Alright, I need to smoke," Edward says, shaking his head. "Em, you in?"

"Yeah," he says. "Rosie?"

"Nah."

"Pretty?"

"I'm good."

The boys disappear into the backyard and Rose crawls closer to me on the couch.

"So, you just let Edward shoot his load inside you?"

I'm sort of taken aback, but not really because it's Rose.

I nod. "Is that bad?" I ask. "I mean, I didn't tonight. Well, not really anyways. I tried not to, but I was so in the moment and he came right after I did and was holding my hips down but then I got off of him and pulled him out and I think maybe only a little got inside me. I'm not sure though. I was just nervous because what's happening with—"

"Woah, woah, woah," Rose says holding up her hand to stop my rambling. "I'm going to need to you to tell me what happened from start to finish, Bella Swan."

And I do. I tell her about the conversation before the store, the lube, how we ended up in the back, that it was my first time on top, that it felt so good I lost where I was for a second and when I came to I realized what was happening.

After all this, the only thing she can think to ask is, "so you can orgasm from _just _sex… like, without touching yourself?"

"Uhm, yeah? I mean, I never touch myself during sex. If I'm getting touched, he's the one doing it."

"Wait a minute!" she yells. "_Edward _touches you while he's fucking you?"

I laugh at the absurdity. "Sometimes, like tonight. It makes it really intense."

"Oh my fucking god." Rose falls back onto the couch in a fetal position. "Bella, don't get me wrong, I love Emmett and his cock is glorious. It does the job, but he's got not motion in the ocean if you know what I mean. Like, he's just a guy that does what feels good. He doesn't think of me. He doesn't think to rub my clit while he's fucking me. There's no flirting or sensual play. There's barely foreplay."

I smile down at her. "I have an idea."

We concoct a text to Edward.

_Em needs some lessons in how to please a girl, Edward. He needs to learn sexy, sensual stuff. Can you, like, help him? Rose said he doesn't even rub her when they're doing it. I don't know how, but could you just, like, offer some tips?_

Unfortunately for us, Edward never responds.

Rose and I talk about what will happen if Alice really is pregnant, what her parents will probably do, what Edward would say, how Jasper will react.

"Think he'll start to use again?" Rose asks as she picks at her cuticles.

I sigh in anxiety. "I hope not."

"Where's your boyfriend?" Jasper asks frantically.

"Outside with—"

But I can't finish the sentence because he's gone. I hear the opening and slamming over the sliding glass door.

"What was that about?" Rose asks.

"Do you think he heard?"

"Probably."

I lean my cheek against my knee. Shit.

I wait for Alice. It's been twenty minutes since Jasper came down in a hurry, so where is she?

_Where are you?_

Nothing.

_Are you okay?_

Nothing again.

_Alice Cullen if you don't answer me, I'm coming up there._

Just as I stand, true to my word, my phone buzzes.

_I'm okay. Jasper's freaking. I told him to go hit whatever Edward has, calm down, and then we can talk. I've had time to myself to deal and process, and that's what he needs now._

I sigh in relief and the nervous bubbles in my belly like carbonation slow to a minimum for now.

_I can get Edward to take me tomorrow to get you another test._

_Okay._

I relay the messages to Rose, and she says they're being dumb. We talk about what we'd do if we were in Alice's shoes, but it's easy to do so when you're not living the nightmare.

_Come here._

Two words and my belly flops like a fish out of water. Edward knows. He has to. How doesn't he. The only time he talks to me like that is if we're fooling around, and right now we aren't. Am I in trouble? Why would I be in trouble? He's not my dad. This is a secret between girlfriends.

These are all things I think of as my feet obey and walk closer and closer to the three boys outside. It's freezing cold, a wet November night, so I grab a throw blanket to wrap around my shoulders, slip into Mr. Cullen's slippers, and head out. Rose follows behind, only she's not as nervous.

Jasper's walked off to the far end of the yard, pacing in the wet brush of the forest. He has a joint in one hand, and the other grips his grown out, long blonde locks.

Edward has his back to me and I tap it so he knows I'm here. Without missing a beat, he pulls me over next to him and crosses his arms, continuing the conversation with Emmett.

"I'm telling you man, he won't make it," Em says.

"Bullshit, he'll be fine," Edward argues back.

Oh no. Oh boy. Here we go.

I watch as Emmett pulls Rose over, the same way Edward did to me, and we both stare in fear.

Edward throws his arm around my shoulders, his fingers find their way into the blanket, and his cold digits rest gently atop the swell of my breast.

"You're fucking crazy," Em says, taking notice of a shivering Rose, and wrapping his arm around his girl to warm her as well.

Rose and I glance at each other in wonder. I give her the _are they going to say anything_? look and she gives me the _I have no idea_ eyes.

"Edward?" I ask meekly, nervously.

"No, I'm not. He's not going to lose it," Edward announces.

He ignores me, but he leans forward just enough to lower his hand and grab my breast in his palm.

I swallow and balance my weight from leg to leg. His palm rubs my nipple through my thin shirt and lacey bra. It pebbles hard in his hand and Edward places it between the knuckles of two fingers, grips it, and pulls.

I have to stop the moan from coming out of my mouth by clearing my throat quickly.

He wasn't lying when he said he could go all day every day. He has me worried I won't be able to keep up.

Edward takes the joint from Em, inhales deeply, and turns to me.

"Isabella," he says lowly.

"Yes?" I mumble so quietly I can barely hear.

"Open."

I watch as smoke escapes his mouth with every word, but I do as he asks. He leans down close enough that I can smell his cologne. Our lips are millimeters from touching, but he holds back. I close my eyes and inhale as he exhales.

I hold and breathe and let the moment settle on my skin like dew. When I blow out and open my eyes, everyone's eyes are on me.

"Better?" he asks softly.

Edward's eyes are lazy but caring. He doesn't smile, but concern shows against his lips and in his freckles.

Emmett and Rose watch us like a movie. I throw out a nervous giggle and grab the joint from his fingers, giving myself enough to take the edge off my anxiety. If Edward knows, if Jasper told him, he isn't mad that I kept it a secret. If anything, he's upset that I'm bottling everything inside, unable to confide in him.

After my third pull, he shakes his head and I pass it back to him.

"This shit's strong, B," he says with a laugh.

Emmett takes the joint and pulls, then exhales perfect circles with the smoke.

He and Edward walk off for a minute to throw the roach into the woods and Rose slaps my arm.

"Ouch," I tell her.

"Emmett was grabbing my tit that whole fucking time," she whispers harshly.

"So was Edward."

"And he pinched my fucking nipple. Fuck," she says, rubbing it under the blanket. "Then he saw Edward do that shit to you and practically fucked my hip."

My laugh is loud and short, and I quickly cover my mouth, glancing to my house to make sure there's no movement.

"Do you think Edward talked to him?" she asks. "He never does that shit, Bella."

I smile as I glance over to Edward. He's standing near Emmett and nodding, talking with hands, and explaining something very dramatically.

I catch his attention as Em says something, and Edward crosses his arms and winks at me. He smiles as I lick my lips. That wink went right to my clit. Holy. Fuck.

"Bella?" Rose interrupts.

"Hm?"

She turns around to see our guys walking back.

"I told you man, Casius isn't cut out for it. No fucking way he's getting a scholarship," Em says.

"Whatever, dude. You'll see."

Edward turns to me now and leans down to whisper in my ear.

"Did that blush reach into your little panties, Pretty?"

I grab my lip between my teeth and bite down.

"I bet you're fucking wet right now, aren't you baby? Do you still have my jizz in you? I want to taste you so bad right now. I want to put my fingers inside and you and make you squirt again. Remember that?"

I know I'm on fire. I have to be. Why isn't anyone throwing water on me to put it out? I look up at Edward and his eyes watch my teeth as it presses into my lip.

All of a sudden, Rose pulls Em by the arm into the house.

Edward laughs and pulls me into a hug.

"What was all that about?" I ask Edward as he spins us around and walks toward the woods. "And why aren't we going back inside?"

"You wanted me to give Em some advice. What's a better way of teaching than to show him? And we're not going inside because I think maybe we're going to want to give them some privacy, B."

"Did it work?"

"I'm sure Rose will tell you later, Bella."

"And Jasper?"

"He and Alice went to the store," he whispers.

"So, you know?"

"I do."

"And?"

"And they're fucking stupid as hell." He runs his hand through his hair after we find a log to sit on. "How can they be so stupid? Jesus."

"They're no different than us, Edward."

"You're on the pill."

"It's not 100% effective."

"She wasn't even taking it!"

"She forgot a few days. That's all it takes."

"She's irresponsible. Alice never thinks of the consequences. She doesn't even know that this would do—"

"I think she does, Edward," I remind him softly.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I grip his hand in mine and squeeze gently. We're all at war with the thought of an impending pregnancy and what it could do to everyone.

"I almost killed Jas."

"It's not his fault," I say before I can even think. "Well, I guess it sort of is, huh?"

I'm laughing my ass off while Edward gives me his best stink eye.

"You think this is funny?" he asks.

"Absolutely not. I can't imagine what Alice is going through. A baby? I would die."

He looks down and nods. "Not now, anyways."

"Agreed."

"Should I start wearing condoms?"

"Maybe."

He takes a breath and blows it out. "Fuck."

~!~

Edward and I are cuddled up on a log, talking about where we want to live when we're forty-five when my phone buzzes.

_Holy fuck, Bella. If Em just did even half the shit Edward does, you're the luckiest fucking girl in the world_.

I lean over to show Edward the text. He smirks and nods approvingly.

"What exactly did you teach him to do?"

He leans over and kisses me.

"That your pleasure gives me pleasure."

We're hand in hand walking back to his house. We're lit up by the crescent moon and twinkling of the stars.

"Rose is right, you know," I tell him.

"Hm?"

"I am the luckiest girl in the world."

Edward's smile is like having hot chocolate for breakfast. Then he whispers in my ear that no one will ever be luckier than him to have Isabella Pretty Baby Swan by his side and I pretty much die of love and happiness on his back-porch steps.

~!~

The rest of the night flies by. Jas and Al come back around midnight.

_Walmart didn't have the same test, but I'm going to take this one in the morning_.

I give her a quick nod and a small smile.

Rose and Em sit in the same spot as before, sated, doting, happy.

She pulled me aside earlier and raved about Em's new moves. I smile because they sound like a mediocre version of Edward's, but I'm glad she seems happy.

Jasper's a lot more relaxed as Alice sleeps on his chest.

Em and Rose are the next to pass out.

It's just me and Edward now. He lays us on our sides so we face each other, and he presses his lips to my forehead.

"I love your pink toenails and the smell of your skin," he whispers.

"I love the freckles on your back and your hairy legs."

I feel his smile stretch on my skin.

"I love your huge heart and the way you look at me."

I hug him tighter.

"I love you, Edward."

"Same."

~!~

I fall into a fitful sleep. I'm up at 1:03, then 1:39, then 2:07 when the front door opens. I hear Mrs. Cullen take her heels off and the silk tie loosen are Mr. Cullen's neck. I hear the pads of their feet make their way down the steps and fall onto the basement carpet. I can practically feel them hover above us.

"Do you think they're being safe?" Mr. Cullen asks. "Maybe we give them too much freedom."

"We were their age once, honey. We can't smother them with rules and restrictions."

"Maybe we should review safe sex practices."

"I think five times is plenty, Carlisle. Bella said she's using birth control, and we know Alice is. I've found condoms in both boys' rooms. What's next, abstinence? Like that'll ever work. Our parents couldn't stop us from doing it."

Mr. Cullen gives a soft laugh. "Oh, I remember."

~!~

The next morning, Alice taps my shoulder. It's barely light in the room, but she's up and ready.

"Come on, I have to pee so bad."

I rouse gently so I don't wake Edward, and shake Rose awake.

Alice runs up to the bathroom on the third floor for a little more privacy. I barely make it, and I'm definitely out of breath, by the time Alice is done peeing on the stick.

"Two lines means yes. One line means no."

Alice nods and sets her timer for 3 minutes.

"Jas said if we are, we are."

"So, keeping it?" I ask.

Alice nods. Her lip is between her teeth as she gnaws and gnaws.

"Does Jas rub your clit when you're fucking?" Rose asks trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah."

Rose makes a face. "Can you get off from just his dick, or do you need stimulation too?"

The timer goes off and no one moves.

Alice sighs, and picks up the test.

"One line," she whispers. "One line, what's that mean?"

"Negative."

"Negative," she responds. "No baby."

Alice blows out a long breath and sits next to me on the floor. The tile is cold under my pajamas, but I'll stay here all day if she needs me to. Accept, maybe tomorrow because today's Thanksgiving.

"Are we happy?" Rose asks.

"Very."

Still, we sit in silence until one of us has the energy to move.

"I gotta pee. You can either stay in or leave," I warn them, hopping off the floor.

"Wait, Rose, do you orgasm from just sex?" Alice asks, circling back to Rose's previous question.

"No, but Bella does."

"Shut the fuck up," Alice laughs. "How?"

"I don't know, it just happens!" I respond, hopping from foot to foot to hold in my pee.

"Guess my brother has a magic cock," she says with a shrug.

"He sure does," I call as Alice pulls the door closed.

~!~

Edward's still asleep when I pack up and leave, so I kiss his cheek and head home. It's just before nine and my grandparents haven't arrived yet.

"Late night?" dad asks.

"No, why?"

"I heard cars coming and going all night, that's why."

"Oh," I say. "Well, I think the boys were going places. I'm not really sure. Alice, Rose, and I were in the basement watching movies and eating apple pie."

I'm getting better at this thinking on my feet stuff.

Dad nods once and offers a "hmph".

I shower and dress and curl my hair. I want to look pretty for my grandparents, so I find the nicest dress I can, pair it with some tights, and coat my lashes blackest-black.

I feel good and happy and relieved.

_Why didn't you wake me? I wanted to show you how thankful I am for Pretty B._

_You can show me later, Edward. _

I take a picture and send it over. We do this sometimes when we're bored or just relaxing. Usually it's me in sweats and my hair up, never this fancy.

_You're so fucking beautiful. _

I don't hide my smile all day.

~!~

Grandma and Grandpa Swan get here a little before eleven. Grandma hands me two bags and tells me to open them eagerly. The first bag is filled with a bunch of makeup from the drugstore. Peach and pinks and mauve colored lip glosses. Blush. Mascara.

"You didn't have to do that, grandma," I tell her with a kiss to her chubby, worn-from-age cheek.

"Nonsense. I know you love this stuff."

In the second bag is a pair of high-heeled booties. They zip up just past my ankle, and the black suede is softer than butter.

"Oh my god," I exclaim.

I sit on the couch and pull them on. The heel is a good three inches and my first thought is Edward's face when he sees me in these at school.

"So you like them?"

"This is the best gift anyone's ever given me." Except the one's from Edward, of course.

~!~

"So, Bella, who's your boyfriend?" grandma asks over a mouthful of corn and gravy.

I'm a deer in headlights. Grandma asks this every time she sees me, but now that mom knows and I'm a little more out in the open with my secret-from-dad relationship, it's a little jarring.

"Oh, you know, still playing the field," I joke back.

"You are, are you?" dad asks.

I roll my eyes. "Yes," I tell him. "Hasn't word gotten back to you? I'm about halfway through the football team right now."

Grandma laughs so hard she chokes. Grandpa shakes his head. Mom gives me big bug eyes. Dad's face hasn't cracked once.

"No, I didn't hear that," he retorts. "But I did hear a little something about you and the boy next door."

I roll my eyes. "Dad, not this again. I told you me and Jasper are—"

"I mean the other one," he says flatly.

I gulp.

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

Oh fuck.

I look to mom. _HELP! _My eyes plead.

"And wh-what exactly did you hear?" I ask a little less brazenly.

"Stuff, Bella. I'm the chief of police in a small town."

"Can I not have friends?" I ask.

"Not this kind of friend."

"And what kind of _friend_ is that?"

Irritation replaces panic.

"The boy kind."

"Charlie," mom finally offers, stepping in.

"Renee," he warns.

"Charlie, she's sixteen. Don't you think maybe it's time we let her date?"

"Date?" dad questions in absurdity.

"At sixteen, I was on my third boyfriend!" grandma intervenes. "She's a beautiful young lady, Charlie. Give her some rope. Lord knows I gave you enough. You see these gray hairs, Bella? They started when he turned eleven. Eleven!"

We laugh quietly, joking about dad's younger years. His rebellious streak didn't end until after mom got pregnant with me.

Dad says nothing. He sits and chews. He stews for a long while. No one says anything other than "pass the turkey". I'm on my second plate when dad lifts his head to address me. I can tell he's been thinking. He barely touched his beer.

"You want to date, Bella?"

It's direct.

"Yes."

He chews his food with too much force. I'm not sure he was expecting that.

"Get a job first."

"What?"

"You heard me. Get a job. If you can date boys, you can work."

"So, if I get a job, I can date?"

"Yep."

"Anywhere?"

"Anywhere in Forks."

"Anyone?"

Dad gives me a look. "As long as I approve."

I groan and sit back. "Who does that even leave?"

"I'll let you know when I meet them," he says over a bite of turkey. "And I will meet them, Bella. And if your mother and I don't approve, that's the end of it, got it?"

I glance at mom and smile. She's smiling too.

"Got it."

~!~

After dinner, I help mom with the dishes while grandma puts the leftovers away. We're talking about school and mom's offering me places to apply but I'm too busy thinking about how I'm going to tell Edward the good news when dad's pager goes off.

He looks at it, furrows his brows, and grabs the home phone.

"I thought he was off today?" Grandma asks.

"He is. This must be an emergency."

I dry a few more plates before dad comes back. He's dressed in his uniform and kisses his mom goodbye.

"Something happened. I'll be back later tonight," dad tells mom, giving her a chaste kiss as well.

He ruffles my hair gently and leaves out the door.

Dad's siren starts immediately. That can't be good.

We play games with grandma and grandpa for a few hours. While it's fun and I enjoy hearing grandma's stories about how crazy dad was, there's an unsettling feeling in my stomach, almost like bad food, and not matter how much water I drink, it won't go away.

Grandma and grandpa leave, and minutes later, dad's cruiser turns down the block.

"Oh, he just missed his parents," mom says, opening the door for him.

He parks in our driveway, but when he gets out, his face isn't pleasant or happy to see us like he usually us. His face is stoic and hard. His lips form in a rigid line. He's being a cop right now.

I'm slightly confused as to why he crosses from our yard into the Cullen's, but he doesn't stop there. He trudges up their steps and raps four loud knocks on the door.

Mr. Cullen answers within seconds. He's dressed in dark jeans and a sweater. He smiles at my dad and though I can't hear, I'm sure he invites my dad in.

"Should I go over?" I ask mom.

"Not right now," she tells me. Concern laces her voice.

Dad enters the house and the door shuts and that's all. Mom ushers me back inside and the same sinking feeling as before now has me drowning.

What the hell happened?


	27. Chapter 27

Hi, everyone! Sorry it's been so long. Things are crrrrazy in my life and in my state! Hopefully this long chapter makes up for it. Please know I have no intention of abandoning this story, so even if I'm 1 or 2 months without an update, the update will come! Also, please know I love, love, love reading all your reviews and the ones who hold me accountable, asking for update, really get me moving. So, thanks again to those who took the time to review!

There's a trigger warning in this chapter that deals with death, funerals, grief, etc.

* * *

It's past eight, and dad's been next door for an hour.

Mom yells at me to relax.

I've walked every inch of this house since Mr. Cullen invited dad into his home and mom shut the door before I could run out.

I'm surprised I haven't worn down the wood from my foot traffic.

"Honey," mom says, sipping a glass of wine and patting the couch next to her. "You have to take a breath."

"What if he's hurt?"

"When did you last hear from Edward?"

"Before we sat down for dinner."

"Did he have plans to go anywhere today?"

"I don't know. I don't think so!"

"Then I'm sure he's okay."

"Then what is it? What if it's Alice or Jasper or Mrs. Cullen? I mean, it has to be one of them, right?"

Mom's lips press together in a tight line. She knows it's true, but has nothing to say to me.

"Let's try not to think about it. I'm sure your father is doing everything he can regardless of the situation."

I nod, take as deep a breath as I can manage, and send one last text to my three besties next door.

_Please tell me what's going on. _

I push back the tears, reserving them for later when I'm alone and safe inside my room.

~!~

It's another 30 minutes before heavy, slow footsteps stomp their way onto the old wood of our front porch. Mom and I both hold our breath, waiting for the front door to open.

She's so much better at hiding her feelings than I am. Where I pace and pull at my hair, mom sits still and sketches. Where I sigh and groan, mom presses graphite hard against paper. But there's no mistaking our same reaction when dad walks through the door, uniform rumpled, grimace plastered to his face, a heavy heart helps heavy hands unbutton the top of his uniform.

"Well?" I ask, unable to sit still any longer.

Dad looks from me to mom. Old age etches his face, and today he looks older than I've ever seen him before.

"Dad!"

Dad turns and sighs. He kicks off his boots and cracks his neck.

"I'm going over. I'll be back—"

"No."

It's a simple, soft statement coming from dad. Finally, he speaks.

"You can't stop me. Those are my—"

"And their parents are handling it. You aren't going over there, Bella."

Tears well in my eyes.

"Then tell me what happened! Is it Alice? Is it Jasper? Is it… Edward?" My voice sort of cracks on his name, and please, dad, don't notice it.

A tear slips down my cheek. It's hot and angry and fast. I slap it away before dad notices.

"Your friends are… safe," he says cautiously.

I turn on my heels. Mom watches the entire thing and says nothing. I don't expect her to because what could she even say? I don't hide any of the tears that fall from my face. Fast, nervous feet run up the stairs and into my room. The clock on my night stand says 8:37. It's dark outside, and I hope to see cherry run burn bright from the backyard next door, but I see nothing.

I kick off my stockings and lay flat on my bed. My phone sits silently beside me. I check multiple times over the next hour to make sure my sound is in fact on. My small lamp illuminates the room in soft yellow. Turkey and emotions cause my eyes to droop. I turn finally onto my side, rub the dryness away, and stare out my back window until sleep takes me.

~!~

The wind against my window and in the forest behind the house wakes me. Quickly, I sit up and glance at the clock. It's just past midnight. I check my phone. Nothing. My heart beat slows and disappointment trickles through my veins before turning into worry.

Why is no one answering me?

I curse the wind as it knocks against my window again.

I can't believe all three of my friends are ignoring me. Maybe not ignoring, though. Maybe something really, really bad happened, and they haven't checked their phone.

My pulse quickens at the thought.

I stand swiftly, walk to my door, and open it to check my parents are no longer downstairs. The only light coming from downstairs is the overhead light above the stove that spills out onto the walls.

I close my door softly and decide I'm done waiting around. I pull open my drawers and tug out sweats. It's cold, and with the way the wind whips around outside, I want to be warm when I sneak out. I'm about to lift the hem of my dress when the knocking sounds again. Then again. And again, but this time it sounds firmer.

I walk closely to my window and squint before nearly screaming when two eyes gleam back. I unlock my window and throw it open quietly but frantically.

"Jesus, Bella, this would have been so much easier if you kept your window unlocked," Edward whispers lowly, carefully climbing into my room and placing the window back down. The hood of his sweatshirt covers his hair, and when I pull it down, his eyes are rimmed-red and sad.

"What are you doing here?" I ask softly, cupping his cheek in my palm.

He's frigid and shivering and his eyes won't meet mine.

"Your dad—"

"He wouldn't tell me anything, Edward. I've been… I just… no one will tell me anything."

I finally let tears skate down my cheeks. They scorch and drip down my neck. Edward pulls me into his arms and sits quietly on my bed. He kicks off his shoes, pulls us under the covers, and holds me against him tighter, safer.

"I'm glad you're okay. I was so afraid—" but I can't make myself finish my statement because if he's safe, then who's hurt? "Who is it, Edward? What happened?"

Edward breathes in slowly and sighs slower. He smells like warmth and cologne and November air. His black sweatshirt is soft against my arms and his legs entwine with mine. He traps my knee between his thighs and scoots even closer so that his chin rests atop my head. Edward squeezes me to him.

"We were in the middle of dinner when your dad showed up. Jasper and Alice were in the middle of talking about going shopping tomorrow in Port A, and my mom was talking about the sales, when my dad asked to talk to Jasper in his study. They were in there forever, B. I was so nervous. I know Jas has been straight. I check him every day. His eyes are clear, his voice is straight. Jas has been sober, you know, aside from some weed recently, but he's off the pills, so I didn't understand. I thought that fucker Riley threw him under the bus or some shit."

Edward gulps, and I can feel the slide of his Adam's apple against my hair.

"I ask Alice point blank if Jasper's been fucking around and she says not even once so nothing makes sense. I ask mom if she knows anything and she just shakes her head. I could tell she was nervous as shit. None of us could finish eating, so we pack everything up and just sit and wait. Eventually, your dad comes out and leaves, and Jasper and dad stay in the study. After a while, dad and Jasper come back to the table and tell us what happened."

Edward takes another deep breath and blows out slowly.

"Jasper's biological mom overdosed."

I take a moment to let that sink in.

"Wasn't she clean for, like, a while?"

"She was. I guess she stopped going to meetings a few months ago, got back with Jasper's biological dad, and… well, the same shit started happening. He'd beat her, she'd leave him, he'd give her drugs, she'd come back. It was cycle. This time she took too much."

"She died?" I whisper, sitting up.

Edward's eyes leak slowly as he nods. "Jasper's a mess. He had been getting closer with his mom. I guess she never stopped talking to him even after she got back with his dad, but his mom never said anything to him."

"Not even during visitation?"

"They haven't had visitation in months. I guess we know why now."

"How is he?"

"Bad, Bella. Your dad told my dad they got a call from her neighbor to do a welfare check and they found her on her bathroom floor. It had been days."

"Where's Jas now?"

"He was with my parents. They were briefing him on his choices, options, all that shit. I had to get the fuck out of there."

"What do you mean? Is he going away?"

"No, no. He's staying with us, but his dad's missing, no one has seen or heard from him, and she has no other family. It's up to Jas if he wants to have a funeral and shit."

I nod and go over everything he's told me. His mom who recently came back in his life, got sober, wanted a relationship with him, just died. Jasper, sensitive and kind, has to deal with putting together a funeral to burry his mom at too young of an age.

Edward holds me close to him, kisses the top of my head, squeezes me when the wind howls, whispers love when I need it most.

"I'm sorry," he says, scooting lower so our noses touch.

I pull the blanket over our heads and envelope myself in his scent and the warmth he breathes around us.

"Please don't be," I whisper, gliding my hand through his tangled, shaggy hair. "You guys had your hands full. I wish I could have been there for you guys during this."

"I didn't have my phone all night. I thought it was charging in my room, but the plug fell out and by the time I left Jas, Al, and my parents, I didn't want to waste time charging the thing. I had to see you. To smell you. To feel you."

My arms wrap tenderly around his midsection and pull him to me.

We lay in silence for long moments. The only noise is the beat of his heart and the whispering of tall pine trees out back. The wind doesn't sound as scary when I'm wrapped up in him.

"You know," he starts, yawning heavily, "I didn't think this is what it would be like the first time I snuck into your room, B."

I chuckle once, low, and shake my head. "Me neither."

I kiss his gentle lips and rub his back until his snores fill our small blanket fort.

~!~

"I don't think it's a good idea—" dad starts before I interrupt.

"He's one of my best friends, dad. He's been through a lot. I want to show him my support."

Dad sighs and rubs his temples. He doesn't want to say no, but he doesn't want to say yes.

Jasper's mom's funeral is this Saturday at the church downtown. He decided against a wake, but wanted to hold a service for her at the church she used to attend for religious and personal reasons. Later that night, Edward told me it's where she went to Narcotics and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. That makes much more sense.

"I'll go with her, Charlie. She won't be alone." Mom puts her fingers in dads palm to reassure him.

Dad glances at his wife and then to me. I'm not hopeful because I'm not asking. He knows this. I will not leave my best friends because my dad wants to keep me locked in my room for the rest of my life.

"Okay," he agrees with a nod.

There's no happiness. There's no celebration. This isn't a win. This is his daughter attending her best friend's mom's funeral.

~!~

It's Friday, and Jasper's been out of school all week. The first snow fall of the year floats down around us. This week has been gray and dull and cold. Maybe it's the absence of Jasper or the sadness cloaked over Alice. Either way, it sucks.

During Science, we watch a movie on the life cycle of frogs, and I turn my attention to the window. Outside, snow turns to sleet and sleet turns to ice in a matter of forty minutes.

_Think we'll get out early?_ Rose texts at 9:33.

_We never do_ I answer back, but I sort of hope we do. Dad's working a double, and mom's at an art class until 5.

At ten, they make the announcement.

All the students buzz about, making plans to hang out and get a kickstart on the weekend.

"Practice is cancelled," Edward says, sliding down the hill to his car. He skates around on the ice patches, pulling me with him.

Alice waits for us impatiently at the car.

"C'mon, love birds. Let's get the fuck out of here."

Edward drives slower than ever. Mostly because everyone else is, but also because the roads are trash.

We're three blocks from home when my phone rings.

"Bella?"

"Hi, mom."

"Hi, sweetie. Did you make it home?"

"We're almost there now. Where are you?"

"I'm stuck in Port Angeles. I got here just as they canceled the class, and I don't want to drive home in the ice."

"You should definitely stay, mom. It's like an ice rink around here."

"Will you be okay? Dad's at the station if you need anything."

"I'll be okay, mom. Be careful."

We hang up as Edward pulls into his driveway. Alice hops out and slips but she manages to catch herself. I, unfortunately, but predictably, am not as graceful. I take one step on their driveway and slip down hard, landing on my knee. I catch myself with my palms and curse loudly.

Alice laughs but stops when she sees the tears threatening to spill out.

"Oh shit, you okay, Bella?" she asks, leaning down.

Edward rushes over, skating carefully to me. Alice moves out of the way, taking Edward's backpack and walking inside to meet Jasper.

He calls to see if I'm okay and I wave him off. He looks like maybe there's a hint of a smile at my clumsiness, so I offer a small smile and hide my eyes.

"Let me help you home, B," Edward insists.

He practically carries me, holding me close to his side, stepping first, testing the spot before allowing me to walk. At my door, he unlocks and opens it, setting my backpack on the floor.

I put my keys on the table and press the button to listen to the voicemail machine.

"Hey Bells, it's dad. I just wanted to check in, but I guess you're not home yet. Mom said she's staying in Port Angeles until the weather breaks, and I'll be at the station, but if you need anything, you better call. And stay home! I'll try to catch you later. Be safe."

Edward walks up behind me and rests his chin on my shoulder.

"What are you going to do with an entire day to yourself, Pretty?" he asks gently.

"Hm, I though maybe I'd make a snack, watch a movie, take a nap, take a hot bubble bath in mom's fancy tub."

"How fancy we talkin'?"

"Has jets and everything."

"Jets, huh?"

"Mhm."

"Well, I may need to stay and try this bathtub out for myself, too, ya know."

I smile as he turns me and kisses me softly.

I break away and head to the kitchen, pulling out some pans, bread, butter, cheese, and soup.

"Tomato soup and grilled cheese sound okay?" I ask, turning to see him braced against the door frame, arms crossed.

"Sounds delicious."

He helps spread the butter on the bread and when he rips two piece, I task him with heating the soup.

When I turn to place our food on the table, I wince at the unexpected pain coming from my leg. He eyes me questioningly.

"My knee," I tell him, and when I look down, there's a dark splattering of blood coating light denim.

Edward pushes me back and lifts me so I'm sitting on the counter. My skinnies are too tight, so he unbuttons the top and pulls them down my legs. I hide my lavender, lacey undies with my hands as bends to inspect my knee.

"You busted your knee pretty good," he tells me.

"Band aids are in the downstairs bathroom closet." I nod my head towards the hall.

When he comes back, Edward has tissue, antiseptic cream, peroxide, and the biggest band aid ever.

"Edward, I think you went a little overboard."

He kneels before me, looks up at me through his lashes, and quirks and brow. It dawns on me that this is one of the first time's he's been between my legs and not—

But then he pours the peroxide on my cut and the cold stops that thought. He leans in closer and blows it dry. He spreads some cream on the cuts decorating my knee, then gently presses the bandage to my wound. He bends down to kiss it and when he looks at me, my knees go slack.

Edward runs his fingers up and down my legs until they rest on my inner thighs, then he spreads me slowly.

He greets lacey lavender with a smile and bends to kiss my mound softly. The phone rings and when Edward gets up to grab it, I lean back on my palms and release the breath I was holding.

I cross my legs and catch my breath but then I hear the click of a button and Edward's handing me the phone. His eyes say _it's for you_.

"Hello?"

Edward kneels and spreads my knees slowly again, wider this time.

"Bells, you're home?"

"Oh, hey dad. Yeah I'm home." I make sure to enunciate _dad _to make sure Edward knows, but his smirk tells me he already does.

"You're safe?"

Edward pulls my hips to the edge of the counter, leaning me back, and places my feet on his shoulders.

"Mhm," I answer, trying to close my knees around his head. What's he doing? I'm talking to my dad!

Edward gives me a devilish look.

"The roads are really bad, kid. Make sure you stay home."

He pulls my undies to the side and cold air hits the warmth of my slick center. I watch Edward lick his lips as he leans in. He looks at me like I'm his last dinner and he plans to lick his plate clean.

"Yeah. I slipped and fell when we got home." I don't know what to say and to be honest, I'm not even half-listening. How can I be when Edward's slowly descending.

"You fell? Are you okay? Do I need to come home—"

"No!" I insist a little too eagerly. "No, I mean, it was pretty funny actually. I'm not hurt I just—"

And then Edward swipes his tongue out to taste my clit and my hips buck and my voice catches in my throat and I fall back against the cabinets.

"Bella?"

"Sorry. Sorry I just—"

He does it again. His tongue is firm as it circles and flicks. He glances at me before his hands come to circle my hips and he pulls me closer so he can feast like he intends to.

Edward flattens his tongue and licks my entire pussy from bottom to top in long, hard licks.

"Are you okay?" dad asks. "You're kind of out of breath."

"Yeah, sorry, I just ran up to my room to grab my calculator."

Edward dives in fully, sucking my clit between his lips, pulling my mound back, exposing the little nub from it's hood. He laughs against my lips, eating my pussy like he never has before.

"Homework on a Friday? Don't work too hard, Bella," dad laughs.

"Okay dad. I'll talk to you later. I want to study while its still—" lips around my clit and sucks in strong "fresh in my mind."

I can't help but grunt and try to push his head away with my free hand. Edward pulls it away and holds it firmly in his hand. "Sorry. Stubbed my toe."

Dad chuckles. "You are clumsy, huh? I'll give you a call a little later, Bells. Be good."

"I will. I'll be good," I say, before hanging up.

"Will you?" Edward asks.

"Oh shut up and keep going," I tell him, leaning back, putting my hand back in his hair and pushing his mouth back onto my clit.

"Are you a good girl?" he asks me, mouth full of my pussy.

"Oh shit, like that, Edward. Don't stop."

Edward pulls me closer, encouraged by my confidence. He eats me hungrily. The flatness of his tongue spreads my lips and flicks repeatedly, quickly against my swollen nub.

"You have the prettiest pussy I've ever seen, baby. So smooth, and pink, and tight. Fuck you're so tight," he teases, slipping the tip of his finger into my opening. "So wet and responsive. Everything I do makes you soaking wet." For emphasis, he sucks my lips, one at a time, into his mouth and then licks big, lazy circles around my opening.

"Oh fuck," I moan loudly, closing my eyes and enjoying the feeling of my boyfriend's tongue between my lips, on my clit, at my entrance, and then lower. "Edward!" I screech, seizing my legs.

"Relax," he whispers.

I do but only marginally. Edward tongues below my entrance and while it doesn't feel bad, it doesn't feel as good as it does northward. He must catch on because he comes back with a vengeance. Edward's mouth sucks onto my clit and I feel his tongue flick against me. He doesn't release me like he has been, and when it becomes too much, I take his hair between my fingers and squeeze hard.

"Oh my fucking god," I mewl. "Holy shit," I whimper. "Edward, don't stop. Don't stop. Don't fucking stop."

I convulse around him and on him and in his mouth. His tongue slows and the suction releases gently. He brings me down lightly, licking and tasting my orgasm until I'm way too sensitive and have to push him away.

"Edward," I start, catching my breath. "That was…"

He smirks, knowing.

"That was so…" but there really are not any words.

Edward cleans me with a washcloth and straightens lace, helps pull my pants up, and sits down to dig into his sandwich.

I take my time getting to the table. I'm lightheaded and slightly airy, but I make it when he's finished with half his sandwich.

"Didn't you just eat lunch?" I half joke.

He laughs and kicks my foot under the table. "I could eat your pussy all fucking day and still be starving, baby. Should we try it?"

"Not after that," I tell him. "I've never orgasmed that hard in my life."

He smirks proudly.

"But don't ever do that when I'm on the phone with my parent ever again."

He smirks again. "That's why you came so hard, baby."

I spend the rest of lunch quietly thinking about his words.

He cleans up and tells me to pick a movie on TV. I settle on Fifty First Dates when Al and Jas walk in.

"How's your knee?" Al asks, plopping down next to me.

"Bandaged and healing," I tell her.

Jas sits quietly on the recliner.

"Hey Jas," I offer.

"Hey Klutz," he teases quietly with a wink, but the sparkle is half lost and I really miss it.

Al and I watch the movie while Edward and Jas snooze softly next to us. Edward's head lulls back, side to side, against the back of the couch, and even Jasper gently snores in the recliner. Halfway through the movie, ice turns to balls as it hits against the windows.

"This weather sucks," Alice whispers, spreading a blanket onto Jasper's sleeping form. "This is one of the first times he's slept all week."

I believe it, too. His eyes are lack-of-sleep bloodshot and his eyebags have eyebags.

"I really love him," Alice whispers tearfully, "and this is so fucking hard. This whole time he thought he was getting clean _with_ his mom and then his mom just fucking OD's and dies."

"You don't think—"

"Nah," she says immediately. "We talked about it. He said he wasn't getting clean for her, he was getting clean for him, for us, for our future."

I nod in acceptance.

"Tomorrow's going to suck, Bella."

I nod in acceptance again.

~!~

It's just after four when our friends leave. Edward stirs awake as the door shuts.

"Did I miss the movie?"

"Which one?" I tease.

"Sorry, B, we just haven't been getting a lot of sleep at night."

I smile gently in acknowledgment as he nods off again.

I walk up the stairs and start the tub in my parent's bathroom. I light a dozen candles like mom does when she's had a particularly rough day, and it reminds me to call her.

She picks up on the second ring and tells me the roads are no better and she might have to bite the bullet and stay at a hotel for the night.

"Mom, just do whatever you can to stay safe. I'm not a baby anymore. You can trust me."

"I know, sweetie, it's not that I don't trust you, I just worry with the roads and what if there's an emergency and dad can't get to you?"

"Mom, that's literally his job," I joke. "Besides, there won't be an emergency. I'm getting ready to take a hot bath, I'll probably watch some movies, eat some ice cream, and head to bed. I'll lock all the doors and windows. I have to be up for the funeral tomorrow anyways."

I can hear mom practically nodding in agreement. "If I'm not back, I'll make sure dad's able to take you."

"I can go with the Cullens," I remind her.

"Be safe," she tells me, blowing me off. "See you tomorrow."

We hang up just in time to but the bubble bath in. When I turn, Edward's standing in the door frame sleepily.

"You didn't wake me."

"I was just about to."

I walk over and pull his shirt from his chest and slide his jeans and boxers down.

His penis hangs limply, and I take a second to admire it. He's long and thick, even when he's not turned on. I meet his gaze and he's staring into me. I look down again and he's thickened substantially.

I remove my shirt and jeans. Edward walks to me, slipping his fingers into the sides of lavender lace, and slowly pushes them over my soft hips and down my thighs. Edward's lips are firm and loving against mine. One hand rests above my hip and the other grips my neck.

I watch Edward step in and settle before I shut the lights and step in to rest between his open legs.

I scoot back and he grunts. "Careful. You gave me a semi," he teases. I feel his hand grace my lower back under water as he rearranges.

We're quiet, enjoying the calm water lap at our arms and chest.

"Remember that night at the beach when I nearly fucked you into the sand? I always hated dry humping until I met you… then it was my favorite fucking thing in the universe," he laughs.

I nod my head with a giggle, too.

"I remember it was the hottest thing I'd ever done, obviously, but I had scratches up and down my thighs for a week and couldn't wear shorts. My mom kept asking why I was in pants or long dresses when it was hot out and I just had to pretend I was cold."

He kisses his way down to my neck.

"Remember when we were playing ball before school let out last year and Jas bounced it right into Alice's face?"

"Boy was she pissed. Her nose bled for a long time, too. I think even your dad was getting worried."

"We thought she was overreacting. You know how dramatic Al can be."

I nod my head because boy do I.

"Remember when Al and I were sunbathing in your backyard and—"

"Jas and I dumped a bucket of cold water on you guys."

He laughs as I swat water at his arm. "That was so mean."

He pulls me against him and wraps his arms under my breasts. "I wanted to see how hard your nipples would get."

I shiver at his statement and give him an "mhm" passively.

"Besides, you wear wearing a white little bikini, Pretty. How could I not? It's like you wore it just for me."

"I did."

Edward lightly traces the under side of my breast with the tips of his fingers. It's so light I can barely even feel it. Barely.

"Remember when I kissed you for the first time?" he whispers.

I nod and smile. "I didn't know what the heck you were doing."

"I had to bring Jasper just incase Alice followed him out. I wanted to do that the first day I saw you," he admits, running his now soapy fingers up my arms, across my chest, and back into the water. "You knocked on my door with your mom and you brought cookies or some shit, right?"

I nod yes.

"I never told you, but I had seen you before. Before you knocked on my door that day. When we first moved in, I saw you in the backyard helping your dad rake leaves. All the leaves hadn't even fallen yet and I was wondering why the fuck you guys were doing all that work. I was still so pissed at my family at the time. I sat on my back porch and watched your dad throw leaves over your head. You screamed there was spider and tore your sweatshirt off. You only had a little tank on underneath, Bella. Your body wasn't developed like it is now, but you were still so fucking beautiful then. Your skin was creamy like milk and you hair was windblown and Autumn leaves dirty. Your playful screams and laughter made my heart double beat. My family took me away from Arizona because I was selling drugs and fucking too many girls. Then, they moved us into a house with literally the girl-next-fucking-door. It was fate, Bella."

His voice melts into my ear as his hands caress every inch of flesh they can until he settles on my waist.

"That day you came over, literally minutes before you knocked, I was in my room jerking off. Well, trying to at least. I was picturing you in my thoughts, Bella. I didn't know who you were, I didn't know your name, I didn't know your dad was chief of fucking police, and there I was rubbing one out to his daughter thinking about how I could get you over and just look at you. Then you knocked and no one was answering, so I shoved my dick in my pants and answered. Bella, believe me when I say I nearly jizzed right there when I opened the door and it was you. I could see your face, smell your hair, hear your laughter next door in Alice's room. I always knew this is where we'd end up."

"In a tub in my parent's bathroom?" I tease.

"Seventeen and in love with so much fucking future in front of us."

His hope and excitement bleeds into me. My smile burns my cheeks. My heart nearly soars into heaven.

"I can't really remember when I _first_ touched myself to you, Edward, but I know what I thought of."

The grip on my waist tightens as he waits.

"I pictured you above me on the couch in the basement, kissing my neck so slowly. I could nearly feel your tongue flatten against my skin and drag upwards slowly. You had me pinned down and you were rocking your hips into mine. You let me grip you over your pants. I remember becoming so incredibly wet at the thought of seeing _you_. Kind of like that night at the beach, I guess."

I stop to trace my fingers against the warm water, skimming the surface delicately.

"What next?" his voice husky in my ear.

"You sat against the couch and I was on my knees. You showed me what to do. You used your words to instruct me, to tell me what you like. You were so vocal in my fantasy, Edward. You were sweet and caring, and your eyes were so blue as they stared me down. I came the second I put your cock in my mouth. I came thinking about what you'd look like as I tasted you for the first time, how you'd sound when I put my mouth on you, where your hands would be."

Edward grunts in my ear lowly and his cock presses its way along my spine.

"You fingered your pussy and made yourself come to the thought of sucking my dick?"

I bite my lip as I remember and nod slowly.

"You get off on my pleasure, baby?"

I nod again.

"Same, Bella. I love hearing every sound you make and the look on your face. I'll never forget what you looked like the first time I gave you my cock. You were all smiles and lip biting and moans of pleasure when I pushed into you."

He now grinds himself against me. I keep still, letting him use me in any way he wants.

"Tell me your fantasy," he whispers. "Tell me something you want to try, a place you want to have my cock, anything at all."

I think for a moment and turn in his arms. I straddle him lazily, our centers barely touching, so he's surprised when my fingers grip him out of nowhere. Although the tub is wet, my palm pulls at his skin and I can't imagine it feels good, but he says nothing. Instead, he thrusts into my palm when I move too slowly.

Normally, I'd be too embarrassed to tell him my secret fantasies, thoughts, wishes, hopes, dreams about our sex, but the lights are dim and the candles glow fades slightly. It's darker in here than before, so I tell him everything.

"At school," I whisper.

"Where?" he growls.

"Anywhere." Then I think for a second more. "The room in the library. And that wing on the third floor they never finished. The one all taped off that no one goes in. At the lunch table."

"Keep going," Edward whispers, leaning forward to kiss from one side of my throat to the other.

"In my bed." He licks from my throat to my collar bone. "On your kitchen counter." He nips from my collar bone to my breastbone. "In the water at the beach." He kisses from my breast bone to just above my nipple. "In your parents' room." The last one has my biting my lip, but when he sucks my nipple into his mouth and bites gently, something tells me it doesn't quite gross him out like I feared.

"You want me to fuck you in my parents' room?"

I nod slowly, arching back to feel give him more of my breast.

"Where in their room, Bella?"

He sucks harder, egging me on.

"Against the wall, maybe on that little chaise in the corner… on their bed."

Edward pushes me away and for a brief moment I think maybe I've finally done it. I've out perved my pervy boyfriend, but then he stands and his hard on nearly slaps my chin.

"Turn the jets on, Isabella."

I suck my lip between my teeth. _It's on._

I press the button and the jets bubble around us.

"How many times have you pressed your pussy against the jet and made yourself come?"

I blush. How does he know? "Two."

"Show me."

He's sitting on the edge of the tub, slowly jerking himself as he watches me assume position. I'm on all fours, backing up against the stream, lowering my top half. I'm so glad my parents didn't skimp out and buy a tiny tub. This one is like a mini hot tub, and both me and my vagina are thrilled about it. I press myself against the stream and close my eyes.

Edward stretches himself out, sits on the edge of the tub, brings his erection closer to my mouth, and guides my head down.

"Don't you dare come," he warns when I start gyrating my hips.

I look at him, placing him on my tongue, and then immediately get to work. He's been so attentive to me lately, and I need to return the favor.

I let my tongue roll around the head of his cock, sucking gently, letting my saliva coat my hand and his length to make it easier. His hand never leaves my hair, but he doesn't push me any further than I go. I glance up to see if he's watching. He is, but he's not watching my mouth. His eyes are tying to see through the bubbles. He wants to know what the jets are doing to me.

I moan loudly with him in my mouth and press my hips back and forth, giving him the show he wants.

His smirk sets me ablaze. God, he's so hot.

"You like that, baby? You like sucking my cock and having your clit played with?"

I nod yes and take him deeper. I pause. I go deeper yet. I pause. Edward grunts, and I know it's killing him to keep his hips still. My throat muscles relax, and I hold back a gag as I push him deeper again. I try to swallow with him stretching my throat and Edward growls loudly as my throat muscles contract.

"Fuck!"

He thrusts the slightest bit and my throat closes harder over his cock, causing me to gag until he pulls me off with my hair. I release him with a gasp.

"Do you trust me?" he asks.

I nod because of course I do.

He stands now. Water drips off of him. I lean forward and taste his soapy, wet thighs. He watches me. I place my hand around his shaft and lean down to lick his balls, an area I don't pay nearly enough attention to.

I jerk him slowly, letting my tongue move over and between the two balls in front of me. His fist tightens in my hair and he brings me closer. He encourages me, and when I open my mouth to taste one fully, his moans are louder than ever.

"Fuck, Bella, yes."

Edward steps back slightly, replacing my hand with his, jerking himself faster, looking down at me on my knees.

"What a fucking view." He pauses then nods his head. "Back up."

I do. I move back against the jets but there's not enough room to place it against my clit just how I like. Instead, it hits just above my opening in this position.

I tilt from knee to knee, trying my best. "Edward," I groan, trying to lean forward to help myself out. He steps closer, stopping me.

"Sit back… on your knees."

When I do, my body jumps away.

"Stay there."

The jet pulses and vibrates against the opening at my backside. The pressure feels weird and dirty but his eyes are so hooded and black and his cock leaks in front of me.

I lean forward and taste it. He hisses at the contact and steps closer.

"If I hurt you or it's too much, tap my leg, okay?"

I nod. His eyes blacken further, his erection pulses, moving on its own as he gathers all my hair with both fists.

"Is it against your asshole?"

I nod, moving my hips. The pressure builds in my lower belly. Does this actually feel good?

"Keep it there."

Edward steps closer yet. My neck is bent nearly all the way back and he hovers over me completely. His entire cock covers the length of my face and then some. He moves his hips until he's nestled between my lips and then he holds my head still.

Edward uses his hips and sets his own pace to fuck my mouth. He starts slow, and my tongue is able to keep up. I circle his head and massage his shaft. I even scrape my teeth just the slightest to feel him jump. He picks up the pace, going deeper, making me hold my breath. Then he pushes as far into my mouth as I can handle before gagging and holds me there. He moans and does it again.

"Relax," he whispers.

Easy for him to say!

Eventually I do, though. My throat opens, I breathe where I can, and my belly stops convulsing.

"Open," he encourages, slipping further into my throat.

His commands are so hot it makes my belly flip-flop.

I swallow and constrict around him and Edward grinds his words in his mouth.

The jet relaxes me, and the pressure starts to feel good. I roll my hips to get more pleasure. Soon my hips gyrate, and Edward pulls out abruptly. He jerks me up and bends me over. I thought for sure he'd want to fuck me just like this, but I'm surprised when he gets on his knees.

Then he grips both ass cheeks in his palms and spreads me open.

I can feel the warmth of his mouth against my glistening lips and both my entrances.

Edward leans forward and licks from my clit to my opening, placing his tongue inside like he's done with his fingers so many times. This position is absolutely incredible, and my hands splay against the tile in front of me. I jut my backside out and grind my center on his tongue. He's never had me like this, from behind, and it's so good.

Edward does this over and over and over until I'm clawing and so close it hurts.

"Not yet," he tells me, rubbing my clit very lightly. "Close your eyes."

I do as he asks and hear as he steps out of the tub. I want to ask where he's going, but I know he won't tell me. I hear him rooting around drawers and opening cabinets. I want to tell him my parents don't need condoms, but he steps back in the tub before I can open my mouth.

Edward spreads me again, and this time doesn't stop to tease me. he puts one finger in my pussy and kisses my other hole with the flick of his tongue.

Taken aback, I pull away slightly, but there's no where to go, he made sure of that.

"Trust me, Bella. Please."

I nod and relax my hips. Edward slowly slips his finger in and out of me while gently tracing my ass with his tongue. He slips just the tip inside and my body buzzes.

I hear him unscrew a cap and then feel the drizzle of something on my lower back, my cheeks, and my puckered hole. He removes his finger my pussy slowly to circle and trace the hole just above. He adds more liquid, which I can now smell is baby oil, and slips the very tip of his finger into me. We both hold our breath as he slowly slides the digit in and out until it reaches the second knuckle and then the third where it's inserted in me as far as it'll go.

Edward drips more and more oil around to use as lube.

"Are you okay?" His voice comes out rough, like he's trying so hard not to shove anything else in me.

"Yes," I pant. Honestly, it does actually feel pretty good. Or, maybe it feels good because Edward likes it. Either way, it makes my clit throb and my walls constrict.

Edward takes my right hand and places it on my mound, encouraging me to play with myself. I wonder briefly what this view is like for him as my fingers spread my lips and tease my clit and his finger sits knuckle deep in my ass.

Edward begins to slowly pull out and push back in. He's fucking me with his finger and the pressure on my clit nearly sends me over, but he told me not to come, so I won't. Every slow thrust of his finger causes me to hiss, ache, pulse.

He pushes faster into me, and his finger glides easily now as I've relaxed and there's ample lube. He starts pressing harder, and I'm tumbling off the edge.

"Edward," I whine, near tears.

"Go ahead, baby. Come for me while my fingers fucking your ass."

I rub hard circles as he fucks me faster and harder from behind in the one place I never knew could feel this good. My free hand grips the tile as I smash my cheek against it, hoping for an easy come down.

Moans and grunts fill the steamy room. My hips roll, and when he's not going fast enough, I fuck his finger the way I need it. My hard, fast circles slow as I finally come down from the second intense orgasm of the day and then sigh and slide down to my knees.

Edward reaches over to turn the jets off and I feel his erection pressing against the hole he was just stretching.

I grind against him and with the lube, he slides with me.

Edward chuckles then, though, and stills my hips. "You'll need a lot more stretching than just my finger if you want my cock here, baby."

The bath water chills by this time, and we get out and towel dry. He tells me to go lay down while he cleans up and I don't fight him.

I'm pulling an oversized shirt over my body when he walks in, still naked, still hard.

Outside, the ice has turned back to snow and the sun is just about to set. Gold glows throughout my room, off my walls, across my bed.

Edward walks to me and slowly pulls the shirt from my body with a smirk. "I don't recall telling you to put this on."

He flips me around and puts me on all fours on my bed, pressing on my back to lower my upper half. I feel him at my entrance as he slides up and down my lips and then slowly sinks into me.

I'm soaking wet still, warm, and pulsating already.

"Fuck," he whispers, grazing his hands against my cheeks and squeezing hard before slapping me gently.

I push back onto him and whimper. His groin rests heavily against the back of my thighs and ass cheeks.

He doesn't say much more before he pounds into me from behind over and over until I'm seeing stars and sparkles and rainbows and can taste him in my throat.

He pushes us both over as he presses his thumb against my asshole and hooks it in, pressing up, and fucking me with hard, fast strokes of his cock.

Edward remembers last minute and pulls out, coming on my back, my ass, my glistening pussy lips.

He's out of breath and ragged as he slaps the head on the back of my thighs, cleaning himself off.

"Isabella Swan, your pussy was made for me."

We lay naked in bed for the rest of the night. Dad calls once more around ten and I put on my sleepiest tone. He apologizes for waking me and I feel almost bad but then Edward kisses my neck and palms my breast and I let him give me smallest, darkest hickey on my shoulder.

"You're mine, Pretty Baby B. Your freckles and your arm hair and your tiny little toes. Those are all fucking mine."

Edward pulls a blanket over our heads and we're trapped in darkness and love. He surrounds me with soft promises and the way I make him feel like floating.

"I watch you in the halls in these cute little boots and the curve of your hips and that beautiful smile of yours and my heart feels like pins and needles before it balloons inside my ribcage," his tender love breathes hot across my chest before his lips capture my own in the sweetest, longest, purest kiss I've ever felt. He sucks my soul into his body before giving it back. "You feel like home, Bella. I don't know how we kept ourselves a secret for so long. I could never go back. Could you?"

I shake my head and brush my nose against. My legs wrap around his waist. My skin glues to his and it's still not close enough. "Never, Edward."

My words are simple and pure.

He enters me then and makes love to me. I'm sore and sensitive, but he's gentle where I need it. He can sense what I need before I even tell him. Tears spring to my eyes right before my orgasm hits, and I try to wipe them away, but Edward's lips beat me to it. He kisses away too many emotions and as he pushes me over, his arms circle around and pull me to his chest as he rests me on his thighs and relaxes his bottom against his feet.

"I love you," he whispers over and over into my ear.

~!~

Edward and I spend the rest of the night kissing and running our fingers over the cracks in each other's skin. Around three, Edward dresses, wraps me in blankets and warmth and love, and kisses my forehead.

"See you later, Pretty," he tells me.

I'm asleep before he's out the front door.

~!~

My alarm sounds just after seven and I groggily turn it off. I send three simple texts to my best friends.

_How are you guys doing, Al?_

_I wish I could take your pain away, Jas._

_I love you forever, Edward._

I shower briefly and apply simple makeup. Waterproof mascara. Pink blush. Clear gloss.

I curl the ends of my hair in soft waves and pull a black, long sleeved dress over-head. Dark stockings decorate my legs to keep me warm, and I zip up dark booties.

_Clink. Clink. Clink _sounds against the hardwood from my boots as I descend the stairs.

Mom's in the kitchen in dark slacks and a sweater.

"Almost ready, honey?"

Her soft voice brings tears to my eyes and she wraps her arms around me.

"I know," she whispers, rubbing my back, kissing my temples.

This is my first encounter with loss and I hurt so deeply for Jasper and Alice and Edward. My skin feels paper thin like the blood in my veins could rip through it at any second. My eyes are sore and dry. My head pounds. My fingers tingle. My arms feel like cement.

"When did you get home?" I ask, wiping away any tears that spilled.

"About an hour ago. I'll go clean off the car. Roads are still pretty nasty."

As mom disappears outside, I grab my stuff and head to the door.

_I wouldn't wish this pain on my favorite sister_ Jas texts back and my heart splinters gently, easily.

~!~

The church is small and musty but the room spills with people I don't recognize. My mom and I walk to the front of the church with a heavy-hand-waving Alice.

"Hi," she says, pulling me into the tightest hug. "I need you."

"I'm here," I whisper, smoothing her hair and rubbing her back like my mom did for me.

Alice releases me and Edward pulls me in as mom shares condolences with Alice, Jas, and Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

"It's been a rough one," he says, resting his lips on mine briefly before kissing my forehead.

I notice his eyes are blue-black dark and sullen.

"Did you sleep?"

He shakes his head gently. "Jas needed me," he whispers, stepping aside.

In front of me is a very tall, very sad Jasper. His pulled back hair is slick from gel and his eyes are so heartbreaking it scares me.

He pulls me to him and wraps long, strong arms around my neck.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper," I manage, holding back the waves I've been keeping at bay.

He holds me tighter and I know my message is received.

Jasper is a man of few words, so what he says next pushes me over the edge. "You're the light of our lives, B. Please never stop loving us."

"Never, ever," is all I can manage.

"I don't say it often enough, but I love you, B. You're more than my friend, more than my sister. You're my second favorite girl in the whole world."

I hold onto him for as long as he'll have me, but when someone pats on his back, he detangles from me and kisses the top of my head. His lopsided smirk is playful but full of sorrow.

I sit between Edward and my mom and hold both their hands as the funeral procession begins.

Jasper sits between Edward and Alice, and his leg bounces and shakes and moves in every way possible.

The funeral comprises of beautiful words and memories. I'm not a religious person by default of not growing up around it, but hearing everyone sing and come together in passages has me feeling some kind of way. Jasper's mom's friends stand together and deliver short remembrances. Some are sweet, others are funny, and most are sad. Jasper's leg bounces higher every time someone says, "I met her at a meeting…"

Just as I think the funeral is nearing it's end, the Pastor calls on Edward. He gives me a simple smile before walking slowly to the podium. I didn't know he was going to say anything.

His gray suit and tie look sharp. His hair is slicked back as neat as I've ever seen. When he unfolds the paper he pulls from his suit jacket, he looks right to Jasper.

"My best friend, my brother. Your pain is shared in miniscule amounts by each person in this room, but no one can take away the hole in your soul from losing your mother. I knew her growing up, I knew her as she was getting sober, I knew her when she _was_ sober. Every memory I have is of her saying how uniquely special, kind, and generous her son Jasper is, and I think everyone in your life can agree, Jas. Please lean on those who have leaned on you. Please seek support even when you think you can stand on your own. Please come to me when you—" and he stops suddenly, clearing his throat. Edward glances down at his paper and when he looks back up, Edward's eyes are sea-foam green and laden with emotion. "Please come to me even when you think I'm too busy or you'll bother me. I'm here for you always. Your mom would want you to ask for the help she couldn't. With that being said…" Edward clears his throat again and stands straighter.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,  
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.  
I am the diamond glint on snow.  
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.  
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,  
I am the swift, uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.  
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.  
I am not there, I do not sleep

Do not stand at my grave and cry.  
I am not there, I did not die"

Edward folds his simple white paper with too many creases and slips it back into his suit pocket. I watch as Jasper stands abruptly and meets Edward half way. They throw their arms around each other and hug tighter than I've ever seen. Edward whispers in his ear and Jasper nods, crying softly into the arms of his best friend, the one who saved him from the tumultuous life his mom went down.

When Edward sits beside me, his fingers find mine, and we squeeze so hard it's beautiful.

Jasper stands in front of everyone. He has no paper. He has no concise message. He has nothing but feelings and memories and heartache and abandonment and love and forgiveness.

"I think we can all agree that my mom made some poor life decisions. She was in and out of my dad's life as well as mine. She suffered from something rooted so deep in her soul and she could never escape it. I used to come home and clean up after her. I used to think why is my mom making me do this at eleven? I hated her for so long, and I used to think she hated me, too. Then, one day, everything changed. My best friend helped me through the worst moments of my life, and we became the family I never had. My mom gave me the greatest gift she ever could. She put aside her pride. She put aside her dignity. My mom allowed a new family to care for me in ways she could never think of."

Jasper sniffs and looks away. He steps back and scratches his head before stepping forward again. I watch out of the corner of my eye as mom dabs at tears with tissue.

"I can never show my appreciation and gratitude to my mom for letting Mr. and Mrs. Cullen care and provide for me in every way. They allowed me to see her when I wanted to and got me the help I didn't know I needed." He looks at them and nods. "Their daughter Alice, the most stubborn, head-strong girl I'll ever meet pushed me to be the me I am today. Bella, my sister forever, the cool breeze in spring, Indian Summer, ice cold soda on a warm summer day, thank you for everything you've ever said or done or given to me. Edward, there really are no words, man. Secret keeper of all things, carry everyone's weight on your shoulders, most intensely loving person I've ever met. I'll never be able to repay you for changing my life."

The three of us sit and stare and wipe away tears caused by unexpected words.

"My mom will always be my mom. I'll miss her forever. Thank you to all who shared. Please don't put out her light."

Mr. Cullen is the first to stand and receive Jasper who by now has tears dripping off his cheeks. Mrs. Cullen, next, cradles herself in his arms. Then, Alice wraps her whole body around him. Her arms and legs circle his trunk and she puts his face in her neck. Edward stands and shakes his hand but pulls him to his chest like before. And then my legs carry me to the only brother I've ever known and try to radiate love and home and absorb some of his grief. Jasper's embrace is tight and warm and he kisses me right on the forehead with wet lips and wetter cheeks.

"I love you," I tell him platonically. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

He whispers it back and releases me.

My mom pulls him into a hug, and she's crying too, but she's holding him in a way only my mom can. His arms around her back and whatever she's saying he's nodding yes too.

He and the Cullens head down the aisle first. Mom and I walk hand in hand behind them. She squeezes my hand for support and love and in this moment I couldn't wish for a better mom in my life.

Her hair is graying, her cheeks are wrinkled, and small crows dance their feet around her eyes. But she's still my mom and I can't believe I've taken her for granted for so long. I lean my head on her shoulder and she pulls me in. She smells of home and honey and paint.

We reach the end and my heart panics so intensely. In the church foyer, crowded now by those in attendance, waiting to speak with Jasper, is my dad, dressed simply in black.

His right hand shakes Jasper's and his left clasps onto Jasper's shoulder. I can't hear because my mom's talking, and other's are loud, and Jasper's crying, and the blood in my ears.

Dad finishes and pulls Jasper in for the kind of hug I hope he gives Edward one day. The one where his guard is down and he finally accepts these people, this family, as some of the most important people in my life.

Dad shakes Edward and Mr. Cullen's hands, and hugs Mrs. Cullen and Alice. When he finally walks over to us. He sweeps his wife into his arms and supports her the way she's supported me. Last, he grips and crushes me to his chest. I feel like he can sense something. I wonder how much he watched. I wonder if he knows the reason why Edward sat next to me. I hope he understands. Will mom back me up? What if this causes a fight between them? I'm just about to open my mouth and tell my dad that Edward's the light of my fucking life when Mr. Cullen interrupts.

"We're having a very small get together at our house around three. Please, stop by."

Mom nods and dabs tears from her eyes.

"Ride with us," Alice says, pulling my arm.

"Can I?" I ask my parents.

Dad nods and mom waves.

~!~

It's not even 10:30 and I feel like I lived an eternity.

Edward's driving to the beach. He doesn't even have to say it, I just know. It's our place.

Jasper sits up front while Alice lights up in the back. She passes to me and I hit it once and tap Jasper's shoulder.

"Don't get too fucked, B," Jasper half jokes with a raspy voice. "Your dad told me to look out for you."

I smile and nod and exhale as warm little fireflies light up my belly.

Jasper hits it three times and passes to Edward.

"And he told me not to fuck with you, Pretty" Edward says through a laugh and a wink. "But don't worry, I didn't tell him what we did in his bathroom last night."

"Oh fuck off," Alice yell-laughs in disgust.

We make it to the beach and park and sit and chill and listen to music, and watch white froth sink into the sand.

No one says anything for the longest time and we're content to sit and vibe to the music and calm down from this morning.

Soon, Jasper begins to lighten and lift his spirits. Alice makes jokes and Jasper kinda-sorta laughs. Edward teases me and Jasper definitely laughs.

Jasper says he's hungry, so we drive to the little diner and watch as he eats a weeks worth of food. Maybe it's the weed. Maybe it's his appetite catching back up to him. Either way, I think we all feel relieved and relaxed.

Edward sits next to me and puts his arm around the back of the booth. I'm leaned in more than his little sister friend should be, but I don't really care. I take a breath and look around. None of my dad's friends or coworkers are near, so I turn to Edward and kiss him gently on his lips.

The stubble from two days of no shaving scratch my chin and I wonder briefly what that scratch would feel like between my thighs. Edward nuzzles me taps his nose against mine before stuffing a fry in my mouth.

"Just ask me already," Jasper says, leaning back and sucking down the rest of his water.

"Ask you what?" Edward responds.

"To be your fucking best man."

We're all still and quiet and frozen until Edward throws his head back and laughs so loudly all the customers are looking.

"It's going to fucking happen, so just do it already."

"She's not eighteen, numb nuts," Edward teases.

"Well, I'm calling it. You'll be married by nineteen. Pregnant by twenty-one," Jasper says.

"Nope," Alice and I both chime in.

"He'll propose when she's twenty-seven. Married at twenty-eight. Baby at thirty-one. Twins, actually. They'll live in Forks, own a lake house, and we'll be their neighbors," Alice corrects. "Actually, Jas, you and I will be married at twenty-one and a baby six months later."

"That's… oddly specific," I tell her.

"Is that right?" Jasper asks, smirking gently and kissing her temple.

"It is," Alice says with a nod.

"Why did you wait so long to propose," I tease Edward, jabbing him playfully in the ribs.

"He had to wait for your dad to accept him," Alice answers, her tone sad like she's just figuring it all out now.

I look skeptically at her and quirk my brow.

She shrugs after minute, the seriousness fading from her sharp features. "But, what the fuck do I know? I just smoked a blunt and I'm high as fuck."

~!~

Some of Jasper's friends and their parents show up after we arrive. Mrs. Cullen had it catered, but mom still made cookies. I hear our parents upstairs filling their glasses with wine and eating hors d'oeuvres while we sit in the basement.

Alice sits on Jasper's lap and Rose has her legs thrown across Emmett's lap as night falls around us. It's only the six of us left and mom and dad left an hour ago.

"Be good," dad says with a kiss to my forehead. "Call if you or anyone needs something," he says at the door as mom slips her feet into boots.

"I will," I tell him. "And dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for coming. Thanks for…" _telling jasper whatever he needed to hear, being there for me, accepting the Cullens as part of our family, loving and guiding me throughout my life, providing a safe, warm home for me and my friends_ "everything."

Dad smiles and nods. He hugs me sort of awkwardly and kisses my temple. He never says _you're welcome_ but he doesn't have to. For him, actions speak louder than words.

~!~

In the basement, I climb on Edward and kiss him on the lips because I can. Because my parents aren't here. Because he lifts me up and holds me and accepts me and loves me.

"What was that for?" he asks, panting.

Rose and Emmett are in the darkened corner of the basement and Alice and Jasper are sharing my mom's cookies upstairs in the kitchen.

"Because I love you so much it makes me impulsive."

Edward's chuckles kiss my skin and then he positioning himself against me so I'm off his erection and cradled to his chest.

"I can't believe I found you so early in life," he whispers. "Some people have to wait forever for a love like this, and I found it at thirteen."

"Promise me you'll never leave me."

"I do."

"Even if my dad forbids you from seeing me?"

"Just keep your window unlocked, Pretty."

"Even when you leave for college?"

"I'll buy the phone with the highest quality camera so we can video chat and have phone sex."

"Even when I go to college?"

"Even then." He kisses me softly and then more firmly and then breaks away. "But, I think it's time we tell your dad."


	28. Chapter 28

**So sorry it's bee so long! Anytime i've sat down to write, the words just wouldn't come out the way i wanted them to. I know where i want this story to go, but when I write, the characters have other things to say. Honestly, mostly Edward, and it's mostly to Bella's vagina. He's a total horn dog *shrugs*. Anyways, hope you enjoy! We're getting closer and closer!**

* * *

Winter in Forks is so freaking long. Cold, grey days turn into colder, black nights. December passes slowly, painfully. If it's not raining, it's sleeting. If it's not sleeting, it's snowing.

On the day before Christmas break, I slip going out to meet Edward at his car. Dad pulls me up by the elbow and looks behind him at Edward's car.

"That kid got winter tires?" he asks.

"Uhm, I don't know…" I trail off staring at Jasper and Alice grazing lips and Edward's light as snow smile.

"Hm," dad mumbles, holding my backpack, walking me over to my friends. "Winter tires, Edward?"

"Yes, sir. My dad just had them put on last week."

As if he didn't believe Edward, my dad bends and inspects.

"How's she do in the snow?"

"As good as she can," Edward says with a semi-nervous laugh. He's smile makes me want to kiss him.

"Well, alright," dad announces. "Drive safely."

I open the door to settle in the backseat as dad walks away, but then Alice says something to catch our attention.

"Hey Chief Swan?" Alice calls sweetly.

My dad turns around, waiting expectantly.

Alice smiles shyly as if second guessing herself. "I like your mustache." And then she promptly gets in the car.

Heat radiates from her and I thought maybe she was doing it to be a smartass, but I'm not so sure.

Dad turns slowly and walks to his cruiser as I saddle in next to my best girl.

Everyone is quiet, wondering, thinking, astonished.

"Alice, did you just hit on _my dad_?"

Everyone laughs abruptly, especially Alice, who's full of little-girl giggles and embarrassment.

~!~

At lunch, Alice and Rose talk about going to see some scary movie over the weekend before Christmas and Emmett shoots paper at the back of Jake's head. Edward's in the gym working out, so I'm keeping Jasper company across the table.

He's silent as a feather, stoic, still. Occasionally, his eyebrows will twitch and he'll look to Alice who's busy talking to Rose about New Year's Eve.

I toss a fry at Jasper to catch his attention and my eyes ask _what's up_? but he never responds. Jas shakes his head and gives me him best fake smile.

I don't buy it for a moment, and he knows it.

I'm not just Alice's friend.

I'm not just Edward's girl.

_I'm yours, too _I smile back evenly.

He looks away, unable to take the compassion.

~!~

After school, mom heads to the grocery store, so I walk quickly to Edward's.

I'm upstairs and in his bedroom before Mrs. Cullen can see me.

"Hey, Pretty B. What's up?"

My knees walk slowly up to where he's leaned against the bedframe, pen on his lips, Trig book in his palm.

"We need to do something about Jasper."

Edward puts a finger to his lips and motions to the wall that connects his and Alice's room. I strain my hearing and notice the deep voice soaking through the walls.

Jasper's over there.

"He's just so depressed, Edward," I whisper.

"His mom just died, B."

"I know that, but, like, I want him to be…happier."

"It'll take some time," he says quietly, resigned.

I huff and cross my arms, unhappy with Edward's response.

"What do you want to do?" he asks, closing his book, sitting straighter, doing anything in his power to make me happy.

"I'm not even sure, Edward. He just needs to get out of here for a few days. Do your parents know anyone who has a lake house or a cabin or something? A few days away from this town might do him some good."

Edward grabs my hand and touches my fingers, my palm, my wrist. Silky fingers glide up and down my forearm. My head swims.

"I'll look into it," he whispers, pulling me to him. "Dad asked him to start therapy."

"That's probably a good idea."

Edward smiles slyly and licks his lips.

"I'm hungry, Bella."

"I can make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if you want, I guess." To be honest, I'm a little confused. I didn't come over to be his personal chef, but if he asks me to make him a seven course dinner I totally would. "What do you want to eat?"

His smile deepens, the whites of his teeth peek out through starburst-red lips.

"You."

~!~

Christmas break flies.

We go see that scary movie with Rose and Em. Edward tosses popcorn at my face during the scary parts. Emmett buries his head in Rose's shoulder. Jasper sighs in boredom.

Later that night, when the boys go out to smoke, and Rose, Al, and I curl up together on the couch, we talk about what teenaged girls talk about: boys.

"You ever miss getting with Jake?" Rose asks.

"He's nice and all, but no. I love Jasper." Alice is rarely sweet about Jasper in front of people, so this melts my heart.

"Jasper's a good guy," I agree with gentleness.

"You ever wish you were with anyone but Edward?" Alice asks me curiously.

"Honestly, Alice, I couldn't imagine myself with anyone but him."

Alice nods softly. "Edward's a good guy," she says with the same gentleness I offered.

Patience. Love. Acceptance.

I've waited what feels like years for her acceptance, and on this simple, snowy night, she gives it.

I find her hand under the blankets and squeeze. She squeezes back, and my eyes fill with emotion.

And then, suddenly, something grabs my shoulder and screams behind us.

I turn so fast I spill the cookies on my lap and the tears that fill my eyes from Alice's kindness spill down my cheeks as I watch Jasper howl and grab at his stomach, catching his breath, laughing harder than I've seen in months.

"Jasper, I swear to god!" I yell. "I almost peed my freaking pants!"

Emmett's on the ground roaring with laugher as Rose climbs on his back and play beats him up.

Behind them stands Edward, hands in his pockets, smile on those rose-red, mischievous lips.

I smile back and mouth _thank you_. Edward nods and walks over to me, lips at my neck and then my ear.

"Did he frighten you, Bella?"

"Oh, only a little," I say, smacking his shoulder playfully.

He helps me over to the couch and we fall together into the oversized cushions.

"Thanks for doing that," I whisper when no one's listening.

Edward grins, takes a bite of my cookie, and winks.

~!~

Christmas comes and goes. Edward gets me a jersey with his name and number on it.

"Where it to school so all those fuckers know you're mine, B," he explains.

I roll my eyes dramatically.

Edward also gets me my favorite makeup products from Sephora: lip gloss galore and makeup palettes aplenty.

"How did you even know?" I ask, confused.

He shrugs. "I listened all those times you were talking to Rosalie about it."

His simple act of kindness speaks volumes about him as person, as a boyfriend.

"I love you so much, Edward."

"Same, Pretty."

Edward opens my gifts next. A picture of us, a new fuzzy blanket for his bedroom, two tickets to see the Washington Wizards next month.

"I know they're not, like, the best team, but…" I say after a moment of awkward silence.

"This is so fucking cool, Bella."

And then my heart stutters when he looks at me through his lashes and grins. I feel whole and happy and warm in this spot, on the floor of his bedroom, the day after Christmas.

A knock on the door interrupts us.

"Come in," Edward announces.

Mr. Cullen glances at us knowingly. "Can you come downstairs? Your mom and I have something for you."

Downstairs, I sit off to the side and let Alice, Jasper, and Edward open their last gift from their parents.

"C'mere, B," Edward motions, patting the seat next to him.

"This one's yours, Bella," Mrs. Cullen smiles.

I grab the box and sit next to Edward who smiles knowingly.

Edward watches as I open the box, disregarding his own.

Inside are a handful of swimsuits. Baby pink with white polka dots. Royal blue with a tie between the breasts. White with a low cut back. And a soft, sunflower-yellow two piece.

"These are beautiful, Mrs. Cullen! I guess I have an excuse to pretty much live at La Push this summer," I say with a laugh, looking to Alice who's wrist deep in her own box of neon colored swimsuits.

Edward smiles.

Alice holds up a tiny black two piece. Lime green tankini. The same white one piece as me.

"What is all this?" Alice asks in confusion.

"Your father and I have decided it's time for us all to take a much needed vacation this summer!"

"No fucking way!" Al yells in excitement.

"Wait, even me?" I ask incredulously.

Mr. Cullen nods.

"But my parents—"

"Have already agreed, honey," Mr. Cullen adds. "It's been in the works for… many months." Mr. Cullen glances to Edward and smirks.

"When?" Jasper asks, his voice soft.

"We're going to the beech for two weeks at the beginning of July."

"Two weeks?" Alice yells.

"My dad's letting me go for two whole weeks?" I venture.

"That's a long time," Jasper laughs.

Mr. Cullen looks to his wife and winks.

Tears well in my eyes for so many reasons and I can't help but explode with emotion.

Edward did it. He talked to his parents. He's getting Jasper out of here… in seven months, but still! And I get to go! For two weeks!

"Thank you so much," I cry, hugging Mrs. Cullen, then her husband, then Al, then Edward, then Jasper who wraps an arm around me and squeezes tightly.

"You better bring your little floaties, baby B. I know how accident prone you are," Jasper jokes lightly.

Later that night, when Alice and Jasper have gone to bed, Edward takes me upstairs to his bedroom and quietly shuts the door. He strips me of my pants and underwear, pulling my top and bra off next. It's loving and quiet, and honest. He kisses my neck and ghosts his fingernails across my back.

"I love you, Bella."

I can only nod back.

He lays me down and covers my belly, my tummy, my knees with wet kisses.

Fingerprints burn into my skin. Heat rushes to my center. Breath blows across my mound.

Edward tastes me and consumes me slowly, sensually, sincerely.

When I come, my fingers are in his hair, my mouth opens wide, his name fills the room in whispered breaths.

He pushes me back and enters me softly. His movements are loving and gentle and when tears dot my lashes for the second time today, Edward's lips dry them.

He holds me against his chest, his mouth connects to my neck entirely, and I've never felt as consumed by him as I do in this moment. Usually, when we have sex, it's hot and rough and delicious. This time, though, it's soft and caring and loving.

Loving.

Edward's making love to me.

The thought makes my center pulse and my belly tingle and his tongue on my neck flicks against my heartbeat.

His cock fills me to the brim and as he stays there, his breath in my ear tickles.

"You are my sun, Bella. You are my warmth. You are my soul."

He moves in and out slowly, precisely.

I come again, wrapped around him physically and emotionally. He whispers sweetly in my ear and tells me how perfect I am. "Your arms, your belly, the softness of your thighs. I love every goosebump, hair, and freckle on your skin, Bella. You're so fucking pretty it makes my teeth tingle."

His breath and words cover me like a blanket.

"I'm yours," I tell him after I float back down to my body.

His thighs press against my bottom as he angles differently.

"Tell me again," he asks.

"I'm yours, Edward. Always. Forever yours."

He spills inside me, his forehead against my shoulder, his breaths warm my breast.

He falls to my side, pulls me close, and glues his lips to my skin as we drift off.

~!~

New Year's Eve is quiet this year. Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Jake, and Eric sit around the basement while Alice, Rose, Angela, and I do each other's hair in Mrs. Cullen's bathroom.

There's more counter space for curling wands and crimpers. I'm applying her darkest shade of a red lipstain as Rose curls my hair.

Angela crimps Alice's hair and Rose straightens hers.

Downstairs, I snack on cookies and rolls and literally anything I can get my hands on.

"I made you guys a plate and put it downstairs, Bella," Mrs. Cullen smiles.

My eyes light up and I follow the girls down in the basement.

"Oh shit, lookin' fly, ladies," Jake jokes.

Emmett agrees and pulls Rose down by her belt loops. She plops in his lap with a giggle.

Alice sites next to Jasper on the floor.

I smile at Edward, making myself a plate of cookies.

"Save some for us, Bella. Damn," Al jokes, smacking my butt.

"These are my favorite," I defend, sinking into the couch next to Edward.

We joke and play cards and eat way too much food.

At midnight, Edward kisses me urgently, whispering love and promise for the year to come.

Alice pulls him off and kiss me square on the lips.

"Happy New Year, bitches!" she yells.

I stand and throw my arms around Jasper's shoulders. He towers over me, nearly as tall as Edward, and spins me. I kiss him quickly on his cheek and he blushes.

"Happy New Year, Bella," he tells me, setting me down on the floor.

I pick up my soda and hand him his water bottle.

"To a new year full of possibilities and goodness," I promise, raising my can to his plastic bottle, cheersing him and anyone willing and ready to accept my words.

~!~

January passes quickly.

Edward takes me to the Washington Wizard's game with him.

We spend the day in Seattle, walking around downtown, eating different foods.

They lose, but it doesn't matter. Edward's smile never leaves his face.

He holds my hand the entire three-and-a-half-hour ride back from Seattle.

~!~

February and March come and go.

For Valentine's day, he decorates my locker at school and sneaks up to my bedroom at night.

He lays out a huge box of candy and feeds me the caramels.

I tell him I'm going to get fat.

He bends down and bites the small rolls spilling out from my sleep shirt.

I squeal softly, falling back against the bed, kicking my legs.

"You've never been more beautiful," he tells me seriously, climbing on top of me, pinning my arms down.

"I'm always radiant near chocolate," I giggle.

~!~

It's the end of the school year now.

Summer.

Jasper's smile grows higher and higher every day.

Some nights, when he's smoked a lot, he talks about his mom.

We never press or pry. Alice runs her fingers through his way too long hair now.

"You're going to have to cut this before the beach you know," she teases him.

"No way."

"I kind of like it," I tell him. "Very surfer-dude."

"Did you tell your dad yet?" Alice asks, cutting Jasper off from responding.

"Tell him what?" I know she means about me and Edward.

"About you and dumbass over there."

I sigh heavily but Edward answers before I do.

"We're waiting until after her birthday."

Just after Alice's birthday, when I bring up telling my dad about us, Edward says, "maybe we should wait."

I'm so relieved.

"What if he won't let you come to the beach with us?" he reasons.

"Good point," I agree.

So, here we are, nearing summer and my dad is still none the wiser.

"But he's going to know this year," Edward says, "because I'm taking you to the fucking prom."

My eyes light up and I can't help but smile.

Alice gags.

"You are?"

"Hell yeah, baby."

I kiss him hard and fast and sloppy.

Jasper's smile can't be erased either.

"God, you two are so disgusting," he jokes.

"You're one to talk. You had to move Alice's bed away from the fucking wall," Edward shoots back.

"Oh my god, I knew it!" I say, smacking Al in the arm. "You little slut."

"What can I say, Jasper likes to go hard."

I turn to gag, and I think Edward actually throws up a little.

"Let's go, Pretty," Edward says, pulling me from the couch.

"Where?"

"Anywhere but here."

I slip into my sandals, and we disappear out the backdoor. We walk quietly to our very old, very special log in the woods. It's been some time since we've visited.

The log has decayed, crumbling into soft, wet wood-ash on the forest floor.

"Guess we'll need a new place," he tells me with a shrug, pulling me deeper into the forest.

"Where are we going?" I ask. The sun has set yet, but it will soon, and my arms chill from lack of heat.

"Just a little further," he explains.

Edward's in front of me, hand gripping mine, leading the way.

Dense brush and forest give way to an open, less dense garden of purple and yellow and white flowers. It's almost like the sun whispers secrets into this garden. Gold glows against dark bark.

"Come on," he says, pulling me from my revelry.

Deeper into the meadow is a large, flat rock. It's smooth and warm and dry.

We climb up and sit, kicking our legs against the flowers that tickle our ankles.

"Why have we never found this place before?" I ask in awe.

"Guess we never really looked."

Edward and I stay and wait. We watch the sun set. Bees buzz about the flowers. Squirrels play freely, hopping from branch to branch.

"Jas and I found this place a few days ago. I couldn't wait to take you."

I look back to him and his nose touches my cheek. Soft fingertips tickle my jaw, and I let him kiss me wholly, openly, peacefully in the most beautiful, secret place we've ever been.

~!~

"You can't spend every day at La Push," Mr. Cullen calls after Alice who runs upstairs to grab another swimsuit cover up.

"Why not?" she asks, coming back downstairs with two mismatched flipflops.

Her lavender ends are pulled into a super tight pony, and she's got lime green shades on.

"It's not good for your skin," he says.

"Dad, I have to get a base tan."

That's been Alice's excuse every day since the last day of school. Her base tan is now a nice light roast coffee, and I'm still the milk she pours in.

"I have SPF 70, Mr. Cullen. Don't worry," I joke.

"I'm so glad one of my kids has a head on their shoulders," he says before walking off.

When he says things like that, things that include me as part of the family, my spirits shine brighter than my white legs.

On the way to La Push, in Alice's new old Toyota Camry, we turn the volume up and wave our hands through the pressure of the wind outside.

The beach is crowded. It's the hottest day of summer so far. Angela and Rose find us an hour later, and we all eat popsicles and French fries.

The boys show up later, when the sun is highest in the sky.

Edward dunks me under the water and I'm so glad we don't have to hide anymore.

He wraps his arms around me and pushes me down again.

This time I pop back up and splash him.

He pulls me in and we're so close our noses almost touch.

"Yo, Bella. Your pops is here," Jake calls from a few feet away, picking up Leah and tossing her behind him.

Her scream is abruptly cut off as she bounces into the water and when I turn around, there's my dad, Chief of police, looking out into the water.

"Did he see anything?" I ask frantically.

"There was nothing to see, Bella. We were just horsing around," Edward assures.

He's cool, calm, collected. I'm scattered pennies at the bottom of a purse.

I'm panicked and anxious as I walk out on the pebbled beach. I grab my towel and walk over with a forced smile.

By the time I arrive, Alice has my dad wrapped around her finger.

"We're going to suntan and play volleyball and drink root beer floats like every day!" she says excitedly.

"Hey, dad." My voice shakes. "What are you doing here?"

He looks from me back to the water where Edward, Emmett, and Rose are wrestling. Edward dunks Rose and I know he's doing this or my benefit. He's doing to her what he was just doing to me.

All in good fun.

Nothing special going on here.

Except there is because Edward's my secret-to-my-dad boyfriend.

"Just patrolling. You'd be surprised how many kiddos like to get high behind the bathrooms over there."

"What?" I ask incredulously. "Here? Behind _those _bathrooms?"

"Yep," dad responds, buying my act.

"I was just telling Chief Swan about our plans for the beach and how excited we are that he's letting you come!" Alice bounces. "You're so lucky to have cool parents, B." Her act could win her an Oscar.

"I know. I have the best parents in the world."

Dad eats this up like candy.

"Well, I'm going to get going," dad finally says, looking between me and Alice.

"Bye, Chief," Alice sing-songs.

We're arm in arm walking back to the water after we watch the cruiser exit.

"Man, he's so easy to fool," Alice says with a shake of her head. "I almost feel bad."

Jasper sneaks up behind her and tosses her over his shoulder, running full force into a wave.

Her excited scream washes ashore with the water.

I sit my bottom down and let the water tickle my toes and backs of my legs.

Edward parks himself next to me, bumping my shoulder with his.

"I love the smell of Summer on you, Pretty."

~!~

"All packed up?" dad asks from the doorframe of my room.

"I think so," I tell him, sitting on my bed next to two suitcases of stuff.

"Your mom and I just wanted to say we're going to miss you and we hope you have fun."

I wait it for. "…but?"

He looks confused. "But what?"

"There's always a but, dad."

He laughs softly, walking in to sit next to me.

"Not this time. Just, have fun. You're growing older. You're not my little girl anymore. Your mom made me aware of that. It's time you make some memories."

"Thanks dad," I whisper, glancing up at him.

"No problem, kiddo."

In this moment, I think briefly how he'd react if I mention I'm with Edward.

Would he yell and scream and be irate?

Would he cry and ask why?

Would he turn quiet and stoic and then forbid me from seeing him?

When dad stands up to exit, I call out for him.

"Mom's been wanting to go to this art museum in Seattle. There's a cute bed and breakfast just down the road from it. You should take mom there while I'm gone. Have fun. Be young again."

Dad smiles and nods before leaving for work.

~!~

Mom walks me over and helps load my suitcases into the Cullen's SUV.

"I'm going to miss you so much," she says, tears stinging her eyes.

"I'll call you and facetime you every day, mom," I promise.

In the car, in the way back with Alice, I rest my head against the pillow on the window and find her hand.

We fall asleep quickly.

~!~

The beach house is unreal.

It's situated on the corner of the road and the beach so that when you walk out the front door and down the steps, your toes hit the sand.

Inside, the views from the floor to ceiling windows are all beach on two of the four walls of the house. The kitchen is huge with a wide island and stools for entertaining.

We scatter about the house, looking for bedrooms to call our own.

"Master's on the third floor. Don't even think about it," Mr. Cullen laughs.

Alice picks the smallest room saying, "I'm going to be sleeping with Jasper anyways, so whatever."

I'm not so sure I'll get so lucky to sleep with Edward since his dad explained the rules on the way up.

"There will be no monkey business in the house, kids. There's plenty of bedrooms for each person to have their own, and that's where you're intended to sleep. Understood?"

"Roger," Jasper nods.

"Fine," Alice huffs.

"Yes, sir," I squeak.

"Sure thing," Edward says.

I open the door to the last room on the left and nothing but windows greet me.

"Woah," I whisper.

"Cool, huh?" Edward says quietly, arms crossed, leaning against the door frame.

"Amazing."

There's a large bed on the right side and a chaise lounge positioned on the left.

"I bet this'll be so pretty at night."

Edward comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"Watch this," he whispers, kissing my cheek before walking to the large glass panes and folding them open like an accordion.

The glass opens to a small private deck overlooking the private beach.

I'm speechless and dripping with appreciation for this family who excepts me and loves me and treats me as their own.

~!~

"How are you going to get tan if you constantly have that shit on your skin, B?" Al asks, coating herself with tanning oil while I lather up with SPF.

"Ask me that in twenty years, Al. We'll see who's laughing then," I quip.

We jump onto the rafts in the pool and float around for hours.

The boys go for a run and just as I'm somewhere between awake and twilight, Edward cannonballs into the pool, splashing us with water.

"Damn, you're beautiful," Edward says.

Chlorine water sticks to his lashes, and his eyes are bluer than the ocean right now. Freckles dot his nose and his cheeks are tinged with exertion and summer-sun.

"Hi, handsome."

Edward kisses me sweetly before tipping over my raft.

I start to scream his name, but it's drowned out as I slip under water.

~!~

On the third day, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen walk down the boardwalk, hand in hand, while their kids traipse along behind, hand in hand with their own kind of lover.

Edward pulls me into a t-shirt shop that specializes in spray paint t-shirts. He laughs as he picks mine out. He picks out a white tank and asks for a hot pink background and a simple, blue letter B.

I wear it the rest of the night.

We've lost the group and that's okay with me.

I'd be okay being lost forever with this boy by my side.

He picks out jewelry and sunglasses and even a baseball shirt for my dad.

"Slow down, Edward," I giggle as he places all the merchandise on the counter. "We've got, like, ten more days here. You're going to spend all your money in one night."

Edward laughs and shakes his head like I'm the crazy one.

There's a henna tattoo kiosk down farther, and as I'm picking what I want, Edward sits down with the guy at one of the chairs. I watch as he lifts his shirt, but then the lady at the desk grabs my attention, showing me some dainty pieces she's freehanded.

I settle on intricate, feminine looking flowers on my forearm and position myself on the chair as she preps.

Halfway through, Edward kneels next to me.

"What'd you get?" I ask.

Edward lifts the sleeve of his arm and shows me his bicep. It's an intricate crest with his last name in the middle.

"That's incredible," I tell him.

"He said he would free hand it on paper if I wanted to actually get inked."

"Are you going to?"

"Maybe."

Afterward, Edward pays as I examine the work.

"My dad's going to kill me," I laugh, placing my hand in Edward's.

He grabs it easily. "It isn't real," he reasons with a laugh.

Edward's thinking about an actual tattoo and I'm worried my parents will yell at me for henna.

We buy two hotdogs and share a coke, making our way onto the beach, settling into a rocky section for privacy.

I'm between his legs, sucking down the drink, as he eats his hot dog in two and a half bites.

We talk about the time his dad caught Alice snooping through Jasper's room years ago before they were a thing. We talk about where we eventually want to retire. We talk about what life would've been like if he never slipper _something dirty_ into my locker or showed me his number 17.

"You would've eventually seen it, baby," he tells me, pulling my chest to his back tightly.

"You're so sure of yourself," I joke, slapping his arm.

"Oh please," he rolls his eyes in amusement. "I could smell you the very first time I made you wet."

"Liar."

"I had to stand and run out of the room to go jerk off, B. You're very… distinct."

"Stop."

"My mouth is watering right now."

"Edward."

I hear the cackle of families just behind the rocks. They are so close I can smell the corn dogs and popcorn their kids are fighting over.

"I know you're wet right now," he whispers.

His hand traces my bare thigh at the hem of my cotton dress.

Fingers glide up my smooth skin to rest just outside of soft pink cotton.

"Why don't you see for yourself?"

His chuckle vibrates my back and his finger glide up my undies and into the waistband.

His fingers play with my very slick center, slipping between my lips, and making me come silently, feet away from family vacationers.

~!~

We walk quietly back to the beach house. Edward carries my bags and I carry our shoes.

"I love you, Pretty," he tells me just as we reach the steps.

"I know," I tell him, shining down at him.

"No, Bella. Like, I really love you. Sometimes I don't even want to say it because it's not enough. Do you know what I mean?"

I nod because I definitely do.

He throws an arm around me, kisses my temple, and walks me into the house.

"Where were you love birds?" Jasper asks, stretched out on a round daybed near the pool. He's got a joint between his lips and a beer in his hand.

"Double dippin'?" Edward asks with a raise brow.

"Nah, this piss is for your sister. But this shit," he says, inhaling deeply, "is for us."

"Parents?" Edward asks.

"They went to some fancy schmancy restaurant. They'll be gone for hours."

Edward nods and excuses himself to put our bags in the house.

"Where's Al?" I ask, crawling up to lay with Jasper.

He puts his arm around my neck and pulls me in.

"Doing something inside."

"You smell like her," I say, inhaling his scent.

"Lavender soap," he smiles. "She always has this lavender fucking soap."

"It's the girliest thing about her. How do you know what her soap smells like?"

"She likes it from behind in the shower," he explains without missing a beat. "Shit's strong, B. Take small hits."

Jasper passes me the joint and I do as he says. Once then twice and I give it back. It's been a very long time since I got high with the boys, and I don't want to overdo it.

"You smell like sex on the beach, B," Jasper laughs.

"Well, there was no _actual_ sex…"

I giggle high as the sky and let easy-breezy Jasper wash me away.

I take two more hits before Edward comes out, white tee shirt and gym shorts, and lights up another joint Jasper pulls from his pocket.

"How do you fuck on the beach and not get sand in your…" Jasper trails off.

"We didn't—"

"Slide the panties to the side," Edward explains with a wink. "Stops the sand from sticking… mostly."

"Or just bring a fucking blanket," Al says, finally appearing for the night.

We spend the night dazed and drunk and giggling. Okay, well, that's mostly me, but everyone else laughs at me so that counts to some degree.

It's just after ten when the first explosion hits the sky.

Fireworks pop all around us.

Greens and blues and reds color the inside of Edward's eyes, and it's magical.

His smile lifts higher when fireworks in the shape of hearts explode into the sky.

I lay with him in the daybed next to Alice and Jasper who have been still since the show started.

The daybeds have a top umbrella that folds to protect from the sun, and theirs is up, so I can only really see their toes.

When I lay back down, Edward's lips are on mine and he's pushing a lungful of smoke into my throat.

"I don't know what it is, but watching you exhale the smoke I put in your mouth makes my dick so hard."

I look down and he's sporting a tent in nylon shorts.

Edward lays back, watching the explosions light up the sky.

I lean up and kiss his neck, his ears, his chin, snaking my hand into his shorts. He does nothing to stop me.

I free him and place my mouth over his cock, letting my tongue massage his length, feeling the skin heat my tongue.

My other hand finds his balls, cupping and rolling them gently. He grunts and thrusts and I accept every inch he offers.

I lay my head in his lap and listen to every breath, every moan, every curse he whispers.

By the time I use my right hand, his shaft is coated in my saliva. I grip him and work him fast and hard like I know he likes. I settle into the spot between his legs, on my belly, and glance at him.

He's higher than he's been in so long, but his eyes are light and shine for me.

One hand grips my hair, the other brings the roach to his lips. He's smoked it all. He holds the smoke in his lungs before exhaling and stubbing out the end of the joint.

"Fuck yes," he whispers. "Suck my cock," he whispers so low. His eyes lock onto mine.

Fireworks still pop in the sky, I wonder how much of noises are being masked in the explosions overhead.

I take my time with him, exploring his shaft, his balls, the bead of come that oozes out the tip. I look at him and show him this is love, this is life, this is everything he does for me.

He deserves to feel this good forever.

"Fuck I'm gonna bust, Bella."

He swells in my mouth and I pull back, using one hand to wrap and circle around his length, the other to massage and gently tug on his balls.

The muscles in his legs tighten, the fist in my hair pulls erotically painful at my scalp, and his come shoots down my throat.

"Holy fuck," he pants, pulling his cock out my throat. It lands with a slap onto his belly.

He watches as I clean up the mess from his shaft, his balls, his head.

"You're going to start another round here soon, baby, if you don't quit that."

He tucks himself away and pulls me up to rest on his chest.

"You think they heard?" I ask quietly.

"Probably."

~!~

"Happy Fourth of Fucking July!" Alice bellows, tucking her knees to her chest and cannonballing into the pool.

Her body cuts through the water, sending ripples of waves my way. The boys are out with Mr. Cullen finding last minute fireworks and decorations for today's festivities.

"Mom's letting us have actual beer tonight, B. Like, without even sneaking it!" Alice says excitedly, swimming up to climb on my raft.

We lay arm to arm, sunning ourselves. It's late in the afternoon, and we just got back from the beach. To be honest, I like the pool so much better. No weird fish, no potential jellyfish stings or crabs walking around.

The pool is safe.

The pool is for me.

I look down to my gently tanned legs and feel the sticky heat and redness on my chest.

"I wonder why she's letting us have beer."

"She probably got laid last night."

"Alice!" I whisper-hiss, nodding my head to her mom who lays a few feet away, still as death, backside exposed to the sun.

"I'm not deaf, Alice Cullen," her mom says.

Alice giggles and paddles us over to the jacuzzi attached to the pool, and we sit and chat about the world, Jasper, and Jessica Stanley.

"Jake said she let him fuck her in the ass. Can you even imagine?" Alice says in disgust.

"Rose said she and Emmett did that."

"Yeah, but Rose is a certified freak. Jessica is a grade A whore."

I roll my eyes. "If Jasper wanted to do that, you'd say no?"

"That's a one way road, Bella," she says. I'm glad her mom decided to go start dinner a few minutes ago. "Why, have you done that?"

"No," I answer honestly. "Not yet."

Alice's eye bug out and she splashes me. "You dirty little slut."

I giggle and splash her back.

"I wish you weren't fucking my brother. I want to know so many nasty details. We're besties. We should be comparing notes!"

"What if I call him something different?"

"How about Gus?"

"Gus is a great kisser," I swoon.

But this isn't enough for her. My girl is as dirty as her brother. "How many orgasms do you have when you and Gus are fucking?"

My blush heats my skin hotter than the jacuzzi.

"I never really kept count. Sometimes two, sometimes more. But Gus almost always gets me off before… you know."

"Yeah, I know. So you're gonna let Gus put it in your backdoor?"

"Maybe one day."

"Where's the craziest place you guys have had sex?"

"Uhm… maybe school?"

"Everyone fucks at school, Bella."

"Okay… uhm… My bedroom, the basement, in the woods, his backseat—"

"The backseat? Nasty. Was there room?"

"I was on top. It was… fun."

Alice hangs on every word as I describe when and where and how it occurred until I ask her the same question.

"Once, Jas fingered me at lunch."

"Like at the table? Ew Alice! But tell me everything!" I giggle and lean into her.

"It was one time you were eating lunch outside. I wore that stupid dress you made me wear on Jasper's birthday. Anyways, I was talking to Rose and Jake, and then Jasper just started rubbing my thigh, then my underwear, then he just started finger fucking me. It was nuts."

"Yeah Ed— Gus has magical fingers too. They should be illegal."

"You're going to marry him, aren't you?"

"I'm not even seventeen yet, Al."

"You are, I know it."

"Are you going to marry Jasper?"

"I think so, but he's going to relapse first."

I balk at her candor. "What, why?"

"I just… I don't know, Bella. I feel it. Not now, not soon, but later on, after high school, like when Edward goes to college."

"You think it'll be hard for him without Edward?"

"Yeah, and there's only so much I can do, so much I can offer. I'm not Edward. I'm not you."

"Yeah, you're right. You're _Alice_, his favorite girl, his best thing, his everything."

"He and Edward have this unspoken bond. He always says you're his sister—" she pauses with sadness. "I'm just his girlfriend."

Alice looks scared. I grip her fingers in mine.

"We'll be there for him, Alice. All of us."

"What about when you and I go off to college?" Her eyes are deep and distraught and I wonder how often light, easy Alice thinks so deeply about the future of our group. "What will happen to him then? What will happen to us?"

I lie through my teeth. "Jasper will come with us." She doesn't buy it. "Besides, we're family. The only thing that can separate us is distance."

She accepts my words and my love.

My best girl wars with herself inwardly, and as it eventually spills out, I have no idea how to make it better.

"Let's get fucked up," she says, standing and walking to the outdoor bar, popping the tops of two beers, and handing me one.

She's on her second before I drink four sips of mine.

~!~

"What happens if Jasper relapses?" I ask Edward, our toes in the sand.

He looks down at his beer bottle in the sand between his knees. It's just the two of us here right now. Alice and Jasper are cleaning up dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

"We get him to detox, enroll him in a program, switch up his therapy."

"So, there's a plan?"

"If there needs to be one, then yes. My dad has a plan. Why are you asking me this?" Edward says, looking down through tight brows.

"Alice mentioned earlier she's afraid he might feel left behind when you and his friends go off to college."

"He has just as much opportunity as I do, Bella. You and I both know that. He's not tied down to his mom anymore. In fact, if he's tied to anything, it's his own doing." Edward glances out to the Pacific and grabs the long neck of the bottle, downing some of the amber liquid.

"You think he doesn't want to leave Alice?"

"I know he doesn't."

"What did you say?"

He shrugs. "Same shit different day. If the love is real, it'll last despite the distance, despite the time, despite any obstacle."

I bite back the smile on my lips and nod.

"I tell him all the time I don't want to fucking leave you and go to college four fucking hours away, but I have to because that's the next step in life. I tell him all the time we have to grind now to be set up for our future. I told him he needs to make sure he gives my sister a good fucking life financially, emotionally. All the bullshit."

For the second time today, a Cullen shares a fraction of the weight of their anxieties with me and my shoulders hurt from helping them carry the load of it.

We sit in silence and listen to the waves lap the sand as the sky turns from blue to orange-yellow and finally pink-purple-dark.

"But he'll be alright," Edward says finally as I finish the last of my sun-warmed beer.

I don't ask if he knows this or hopes this.

Edward offers to help me stand and when my hand fits into his palm, he pulls me up and into his embrace.

"I'll make sure of it," Edward finally says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and walking be up the steps to the house.

~!~

Jasper and Alice are arm wrestling on the bar as Mrs. Cullen hands me a sparkler.

"Happy Fourth of July, my little firecracker," Edward whispers, lighting the sparkler. The weight from earlier disappears. He's lighter than ever.

Yellow-gold embers light up the ink-dark sky as I hold it over head and spin-twirl around. I write my name. I write his name. I draw a heart around him. I kiss him heavy on the lips and tell him I want it to be the fourth of July forever.

"It will be," he tells me, parting my lips with his bottom and kissing me deeply in front of his family.

Someone takes a picture with a bright flash and then we break apart.

The sparkler dies off and Alice lights up another one.

For the first time ever, I almost want to be high. I wish we had smoked before lighting these so the colors could lazily bleed into each other.

Later, we walk down onto the beach and find a spot for the six of us. It's packed, filled with families and couples, and individuals who want to enjoy another night of fireworks.

Edward pulls me down into his lap and settles me between his legs.

I sigh, resting my head against his chest. He kisses the top of my hair and whispers delicate love so low I hope no one else hears.

"I love the way your ankle fits on my foot," he says.

"Your neck has the perfect spot for my nose," he murmurs.

"Your eye lashes are so fucking soft," he tells.

"Remember last night when…" he kisses.

Green fans into purple and purple into pink as the first firework explodes into the sky.

"You smell like summertime and girly-girl things," he whispers.

"Like what?"

"Like pink nail polish and soft panties and fruity lip gloss and giggles."

He continues telling me gentleness between fireworks and holds my arms close to him, keeping me warm and comfortable. He smells like cologne and humidity. His scent lays like fog around us. He envelopes me in every way imaginable.

When the show is over, and families make their way homes, the four of us linger around the water a little longer. Alice and I sit in the sand as the boys dip their toes in the water.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen walk hand in hand back to the porch and wait for us there. He has his arm around her waist, kissing her neck, and I turn before I encroach anymore on their private intimacy.

Alice's eyes stay on her man who talks animatedly with Edward about something I can't quite make out.

"Nerds," Alice says with a content sigh.

"Cute nerds."

~!~

It's nearly midnight when Edward sneaks into my room. He locks the door and crosses the room, opening the glass panes. It's breezy tonight, and the wind smells like rain and electricity.

He whispers tenderness across my neck. His hair is wet from the shower. His skin smooth but warm.

"I want to show you something," he says as a crack of thunder hits above.

Out into the ocean, lightening strikes relentlessly.

"Okay."

"I got this when we got our henna tattoos."

Edward walks to me, removes his shirt, and drops it to the floor.

It takes a minute before I find what he's talking about.

There, on Edward's chest, right where his heart beats, is one simple word, six little letters.

_Pretty._

I know it's just henna. I know it won't last forever, _but we will_.

I'm stunned still and silent.

I lift my fingers to trace his favorite name for me. The name he says more than Bella, more than B, more than _baby_ anything.

Pretty.

"Say something." His voice trembles in panic.

It's dark in this room, the only light coming from the lightening in the sky, but I snap my eyes to his.

I want to tell him I love it. It's beautiful. I want him to get it _forever_, but instead I smother him with my lips and love and appreciation.

The back of his knees hit the mattress and I'm climbing on top.

I sit up, tear the tank off my chest, and smash my naked breasts to his bare chest. My hips search for something, anything, and when I find it, I snake my hand inside his pants and pull it out. I'm standing, sliding out of sleep shorts, and impaled on him faster than I have ever been before.

My fingers splay just below _Pretty _and my clit grinds against his pubic hair. Edward fists my breast in his right palm and my hip in his left, and he helps me grind my hips against him.

I'm emboldened tonight.

He gives me belief.

He is _mine_.

I ride him with long strides back and forth. I brace one hand behind me on his thigh, elongating my torso. His fingertips tug and tease at my nipples. He helps give me the strength to rise and fall on his cock. My grunts and moans of pleasure are masked in the thunderstorm blowing in.

He says nothing as I take him over and over, opening myself and my center and allowing him to claim me like never before.

My thighs shake from exertion, but I want to make him come like this, so I squeeze my walls and reach below to play with my clit. He watches the descension of my fingers as they slowly make their way to the gentle ball of nerves between puffy pink lips.

I'm soaked.

The second my fingers make contact with my clit, Edward thrusts so deep into me that he traps my fingers between my clit and his pubic bone.

He's deeper than my cervix has ever allowed before and my hips start grinding back and forth in quick succession.

I don't need to tell him I'm coming. He already knows.

My mouth falls open in bliss. His teeth sink onto my nipple, his lips suckle gently.

His cock thrusts in and out shallowly, drawing out my orgasm.

My fingers never leave _Pretty_.

Edward, as far into my pussy as he's ever been, explodes with deep grunts and heavy breaths.

He coats my insides before rolling us so he's on top.

Edward pulls out slowly and thrusts into me. His eyes cement to my own and we never break apart. I meet him thrust for thrust as we roll into round two.

Wind whips against our bodies, lightening illuminates the room, _Pretty_ catches my attention again.

~!~

Round four starts somewhere around four in the morning.

The only thing lighting up the room is the light from the moon.

"I never want to stop," he whispers.

"I know, baby," I tell him, cupping his cheek with my palm. "But I'm so sore."

Edward pulls out of me, still hard, and covers us with a blanket. He's exhausted, but his left hand grips his shaft, and his right hand finds my sore, swollen lips.

He makes us both come one final time.

~!~

I wake the next morning, sunrise fills the room, and a sleeping Edward holds me tightly.

Footsteps fall softly in the hallway.

"Edward," I whisper.

He groans and snuggles closer.

"Edward, someone's awake. They'll see you."

"It's fine," he mumbles.

I check the time. It's after eleven.

"Shit," I whisper, throwing back the covers, grabbing a towel, and hitting the shower.

I smell like ocean spray, humidity, and orgasms.

In the shower, I let warm water pelt my sensitive skin. I feel his fingernails and teeth marks and lips everywhere.

My smile is automatic.

I dry off and wipe the mirror so I can see.

Bruises decorate my skin and arms and neck. I turn to see scratches down my back.

Hickeys cover my breasts and neck and legs.

A sudden bolt of thunder causes me to jump before immediate rains pounds against the windows.

I'm suddenly so glad it's raining.

The hickeys I could hide strategically, but I'll need a day or two before the scratches disappear.

Back in my room, Edward's still asleep. I dress in leggings and a t-shirt, praying no one asks why I'm so covered.

Another crack of thunder and the lights flicker.

"Huge rain," Jasper says over orange juice and toast.

"Feels kind of good," I say honestly. "Too much heat makes me sick."

He nods with me, passing me the OJ and a mug.

"Where's Al?"

"Passed out. Edward?"

"Same."

He looks at me and quirks a brow. "Long night?"

I giggle. "You could say that."

He offers a chuckle. "Same."

We sit in comfortable silence for a few more minutes. The clouds eventually break and the sun peaks out.

"I think I might walk to the boardwalk and find Edward a birthday gift. Wanna come with?" I ask.

He agrees, and we leave a note, setting it on the island.

~!~

"How about this?" he asks, holding up a conch necklace.

"Ew."

"I don't know if you'll find anything at a place called Bob's Cool Things," Jasper jokes.

I agree eventually and move on to the next shop, then the next, then the next.

"I can't find anything," I groan as my fingers dance over t-shirts and sunglasses and hats. "None of these scream _Edward._"

And then I find it.

Simple, unique, masculine.

Small black beads make up a bracelet and lead to four small gold balls in the center.

"It's made up of volcano ash and sand from the beach here," the shop lady says.

I smile and nod. It's him.

"It comes in a pair," she explains. "Like a friendship bracelet only more intense."

I let her explain to me the benefits of the beads and what they do. I don't believe in that crap, but I fall for it anyways.

"No matter the distance, you'll always be connected by these beads," the lady explains.

Jasper has long since walked away, so I ask the lady, "do you have two more?"

She smiles and nods.

It's nearly two by the time we're back, and I'm able to stash the gift in my luggage in my room before I see Edward.

"Why didn't you wake me?" he asks, coming up behind me in the living room.

His sister and Jasper are curled up watching reruns of The Office on another couch.

"I did," I giggle, pulling him into me on the couch. "You were out!"

"I was tired."

"I wonder why," I joke with a knowing smile.

"Last night was… incredible," he whispers into my ear. "I've never experienced anything like it. I've never gone that many times and wanted to keep going."

His words make me blush on my cheeks and my chest and my belly.

"You should see what you did to my back and arms, Baby."

"Same," I retort. "Thank god it's rainy today, or I'd have to make up the most elaborate story as to why I'm in jeans at the beach."

"Are you sore, Bella?"

"Nah, the scratches don't hurt—"

"I mean down there," he says quietly. "We went for hours last night. I hope I didn't hurt you."

"It is a little, but nothing I can't handle."

He nods. "There's a jet tub in the spare room. You should soak in that later."

I nuzzle into him, thankful he's so caring. I nod and reach my lips to peck his.

~!~

I help Mrs. Cullen shuck corn and set the dinner table inside since it's still raining.

The boys are outside grilling under the pergola.

"Did you get anything for Edward for his birthday?" I ask Alice.

"Not yet. He's got, like, everything."

"I went with Jas today to pick something out. You're right. He does have everything."

Alice and I make more small talk before the boys come inside.

It's humid and hot and their skin glistens with sweat and rain.

We eat in comfortable conversation about Edward growing up, turning eighteen, being responsible. They open up about what a long way he's come since thirteen. Since selling drugs. Since partying and sleeping around. Since he met me.

"No," I tell them adamantly. "This is just who he is. Edward's kind and gentle. He's stubborn in the best way. He's determined."

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen smile. Jasper nods. Alice listens.

"Edward isn't that stuff your said, and I didn't change anything. He always had too much potential to be anything other than who he is now. Edward has so much future. He's going to be huge no matter what he does. That's just him. He's got a determination unmatched by anyone else. His light shine's brighter than any beacon or any lighthouse. He glows with promise."

Mrs. Cullen's smile winds up and brightens the room.

Mr. Cullen sets his fork and knife down, clears his throat, and covers my hand with his.

"Bella, when you decide to tell your father about you and my son, please make sure to let me know. If things don't go as… well as you two plan, I would love the opportunity to sit down with Chief Swan and tell him what a fine, lovely, intelligent, kind, and brave young woman he has raised, and all the things you have done for my family. I'd be honored to tell him that you and Edward bring out the best in one another."

Mr. Cullen's words strike me in such a way that I'm frozen with emotion.

Edward grabs my other hand with his and smiles. His eyes shine with sentiment.

"Thank you," he tells me.

~!~

Later that night, after everyone's gone to bed, Edward and I sneak out to the jacuzzi tub when the rain ends.

We sit in darkness, comfortably quiet, and touch our fingers together.

"I'm going to spend forever with you," he says calmly.

"Forever is a long time," I joke.

He moves softly across the water, pulling me to his bare chest.

"Forever isn't long enough."

* * *

**Please review and let me know what you think! How's Charlie going to react? Will they need Mr. Cullen to sit down with Charlie and talk to him? Will Charlie forbid it? **


	29. Chapter 29

Today, Edward is eighteen.

I know it's just another year older, but he seems so extremely… old.

"I'm still sixteen," I tell him at midnight after I kiss him eighteen times and one for good luck.

"Not for long," he reasons.

I nod and accept that I can't change anything, especially time.

"Open your gift," I urge, passing him the gift bag with our bracelets in it.

He smiles softly and kisses me once on the lips as he tears at tissue paper. He pulls out the small, beaded bracelet and stares quietly.

"You hate it."

He shakes his head. "I love it, actually."

"These beads are made from volcano ash and the sand from the beach here. The lady said it's like a friendship bracelet but better. I got one for you and one for me."

I help him put it on before he puts mine on. Edward stares deeply and fingers the beads.

"I also got one for Al and Jas. Since this is your guys' last year before college or whatever… I wanted to make sure we stay together forever. No matter what."

When he kisses me finally that night, he whispers gentle, caring breaths into my ear full of i-love-you's and my-sweet-princess-girl.

~!~

On our last day at the beach, we spend the afternoon burying each other in the sand, floating in the ocean, capturing our trip with pictures, and drinking more saltwater than any beachgoer should.

"Thanks for inviting me," I tell Mr. and Mrs. Cullen as we pack up the SUV the last night. "I'll never forget this trip."

Mrs. Cullen smiles and pulls me in for a hug as Mr. Cullen says, "you're absolutely welcome, Bella."

~!~

The beginning of August brings heat and humidity.

Alice spends a lot of time at my house.

"Come over," she begs.

"Can't. I feel guilty since I just got back from vacation with you guys."

"Fine. I'll come to you."

And that's usually how it goes.

Today, it's me, mom, and Al making banana bread in the kitchen.

"Oh man, Jas is going to love this!"

She pulls out her phone and types away before stirring the batter.

Mom smiles at Alice's tasteless comments and laughs when Alice licks from the spoon.

There's a knock on the door and mom goes to answer it.

"It's the boys," Alice says. "I told them to come over so your mom will want to make more."

"Smart," I commend.

Just as Alice suspects, mom wants to bake extra loaves for everyone. Jasper and Edward don't complain.

"Hi, Pretty," Edward whispers gently from behind when mom goes to wash her hands.

"Hi, Handsome."

~!~

I turn seventeen in the middle of a thunderstorm.

We have cake and mom and dad surprise me with a 2000 Chrysler Sebring.

"A convertible?" I gasp, letting the rain wet my hair. Mom walks over and covers me with an umbrella.

"Can't use it today, but yeah," dad says awkwardly.

I leap over and wrap my arms around him. I kiss his cheek and shiver when he rubs his beard against me.

"Thank you, dad."

"You're welcome, Bells," he says back, squeezing my body to his and holding onto his daughter who is growing up right before his eyes.

"A freaking _convertible_?" Alice screams, running out of the house, mouth full of funfetti cake.

Alice and I spend the next hour sitting in my new car, wishing the rain would lighten up enough to try out the convertible.

_Look at you _Edward texts from the porch of his house.

_Come over here and kiss me, Edward _I send back.

_Soon._

~!~

Alice loves to go for late night drives in my new, old car.

"Let's take B's car," she says just before the sun sets on the last night of summer. Alice wants to go to the beach and get drunk off lakeside breezes and sand in our toes.

"Be careful," dad says, wrapping his arm around mom's shoulders as he watches me reverse. Jasper and Edward sit in the backseat, my best girl to my right. This is everything I've ever wanted… well, almost.

Down the road, at the gas station, Alice hops out to grab some snacks, and Edward takes her spot.

"Hey, summertime girl," he whispers, pulling me in, his lips whisper love against my jaw and my ear and finally my lips.

Now, this is everything I've ever wanted.

~!~

La Push is dead. We're the only car in the lot, and I'm more than happy.

Edward plucks me away from my friends, walking down the beach to a place more private. I'm pulled down between his legs, resting against his chest. Large, muscled arms circle my neck, and his lips kiss my hair. My arms lift to grip his forearms.

My tan has already begun to fade back to creamy, pale milk. My toenails are highlighter yellow, thanks to Alice, and my breaths are seventeen-and-free calm.

"I think your dad's ready to realize," Edward tells me, kissing my neck.

"Realize what, Edward?"

I can feel his smirk against my skin. "Realize I've been corrupting his daughter since we moved next door."

I laugh softly. "You haven't been corrupting me, Edward."

"You used to be a nice girl," he teases.

"And what am I now?"

"My dirty little—"

"Edward," I say, slapping his arm.

He laughs loudly and pulls me back with him. Now, we're on our backs, watching the sun set before us.

"Do you think it'll always be like this?" I ask just as orange bleeds into pink.

"Like what?"

I take a breath and smile. "Lovely."

His fingers find mine in the sand. "Forever."

~!~

Now that Edward's a senior, coaches from every university show up to his games and even some come to practices. They're recruiting him as early as they can, even if Edward has said no.

"Son, be smart," Mr. Cullen says one night in October over dinner. A recruiter from Wittman College just left, disappointed in Edward's response.

"You name a price, we'll match it," the recruiter told his dad, or so Edward tells me.

"I'm not going there," Edward says over a mouthful of a green beans. "I'm going to the University of Washington."

"Why are you dead set on this school?"

"Whitman is too expensive—"

"You're get a free ride," Mrs. Cullen interrupts. And then it hits her. "Oh. Oh—"

"Bella and I are going to the University of Washington," Edward finalizes.

"Edward, please don't—" I stop myself, shaking my head. "If this is where you want to go—" I can't find the words, so I just say it. "Don't pick a school just for me. We'll be okay wherever you go, whatever you choose. Do what will make you happiest."

He puts his piece of garlic bread down and bows his head. When he looks back up, his eyes are clearer than I've ever seen. Blue oceans, tidal waves, sea breeze kindness.

"I want to go to the University of Washington with my girl. When I meet with Jason from U Dub, I will tell him my stipulations if they want to sign me."

"What are the stipulations?" I ask.

Edward looks from me to his dad and back.

His cocky smirk makes my pulse rush. "An apartment off campus and two public transportation vouchers."

"Two?" I ask.

"One for me. One for you."

"Edward—"

"We'll need it if we're living off campus, Bella," he says, stabbing his meatloaf and eating like he didn't just drop this on me.

I look at Mr. Cullen and he's watching me. I'm completely taken aback and stunned.

"Come on," he says, rolling his eyes. "When you start college with me, we'll be staying at your dorm or mine anyways, so let's just save the bullshit of roommates and write this into my contract. You won't have to worry about paying for a dorm."

Edward's really thought his whole thing through.

I shake my head with a laugh. "My dad will never go for this."

Edward shrugs. "You'll be eighteen. What's he going to do, kick you out?"

Edward's wink is cockier than his smile and the butterflies flutter around my belly.

~!~

Later than night, Edward kisses down my body, licking behind my knees, biting my inner thigh, tasting my folds. He puts his hand over my mouth when he makes me come.

"Just think, Bella," Edward says with a smile before he slips his cock into me, "when we live together, you can be as loud as you want."

He pushes me down into his mattress, holding my wrists above my head, kissing my neck. My legs wrap around his hips like a present.

"Harder," I whimper, thinking about what living together would be like. "Faster," I say, imagining us in the kitchen on the counter, in the bathroom against the frosted shower door, on our very own couch. "Fuck me," I moan.

Edward sits up, resting back on his knees. He takes my legs and puts them on his shoulders, cupping my hips and resting my bottom on his thighs. Edward pounds into me, watches my face contort as he slips in and out, my arousal permeating the room.

He opens his mouth to command me to come, but I'm already there.

"Fuck yes," he groans, slamming into me harder, faster, biting my ankle as his come spills into me.

~!~

At the end of October, Edward signs with University of Washington. They offer him everything he requests and then some. The school also offers to provide housing for family members if they come to any game in the season, a rental car, and free dinner at a local restaurant after every home game.

The signing party happens after school in the gym on Friday. Everyone comes. _Everyone_.

Forks has never seen anything like this. They've never had _anyone _like Edward before, and I tell him so.

"Not true," he tells me in the bathroom, kissing down my neck, tugging at my curls and slipping his fingers up the bottom of my dress. "They have you."

I fall to my knees and unzip Edward's slacks. He's hard, his erection strains against the uncomfortable fabric of his pants, and I need to taste him on my tongue. I need to make him feel even a fraction of how good he makes me feel always. Edward's eyes are lidded as he gazes down. I roll my tongue over the head, swallowing the flavor that weeps from the tip.

"You have to be quick," I tell him, glancing up, licking my lips, cupping his balls with my free hand. Edward grunts, licking his lips, thrusting his cock between my lips. "My parents will wonder where I am," I say before engulfing his whole length.

"Mmm," he groans, placing his hand on the back of my head. "That would be a shame, Pretty."

~!~

When Edward walks back into the party just minutes after I do, journalists and news anchors take their turns interviewing him. I stand behind and watch with Alice who does nothing but beam at her older brother. Her smile is infectious. I wonder briefly if they'd ever guess this girl just swallowed his come on her knees in the girl's room.

"What will you miss most about Forks when you leave to attend University of Washington?" a news anchor asks this final question, shoving the mic right in front of Edward's mouth.

He coughs slightly and rubs his jaw. One hand in his gray slacks, his crisp white shirt rolled up to his elbow. Edward's tie is looser than before he met me in the bathroom, and I think about those fingers and where they just were. He bites his nail as he thinks and then his tongue slips out to taste the pad of his finger with _me _still on it. Edward's head snaps up suddenly and he's smiling devilishly.

"My girlfriend," he says, looking right at me.

"And what's her name?" the anchor asks.

Alice grips my hand. He wouldn't, would he?

"I'd like to keep that part of my life private… for now," he says articulately, and the breath I was holding slips from my lips slowly. "But she's been my cheerleader for years, my biggest fan. I'm here right now because of her."

Tears rim my eyes.

Even Alice says, "Awe."

When interviews are over, my dad walks over to Edward and shakes his hand firmly.

"Congratulations, Edward," he says with a nod. "I can tell you've made your family very proud."

Edward smiles and nods. "Thank you, sir. I try my best. I want to set myself up so that I can take care of my family now and my family in the future."

"Good plan," dad says. He's still looking, and Edward's still smiling. When Edward looks at me, his smile widens, and dad follows his gaze. I turn quickly to talk to Jasper.

"What's going on?" I ask, nervous, biting my nails.

Jasper smiles and pulls my fingers from my lips. "Relax," he tells me.

In this moment, I notice Jasper's eyes are sunken in and tired. He has bags of blue and purple underneath and I tilt my head to the side.

"Are you okay?" I softly.

"Perfectly," he says, smiling gently.

I pull his hand up, showing him the bracelet I gave him last month. "We're always together, Jasper. Always. You don't have to fight this alone."

"I know, B," he says, and this time his smile reaches his eyes. "You're the best thing that ever happened to him." He pulls me in, tucking my head under his chin. "Take care of our boy, Bella."

"Only if you promise you to take care of our girl?" I ask, looking over to Alice who chats animatedly with her mom.

"I promise to never promise more than I can deliver, but I promise to deliver more than I can promise," he says with a smile.

"What?" I ask, shaking my head.

His laugh is real this time, and he turns me around to face my boy who's still chatting with my dad off to the side. What are they talking about?

I watch with rapt attention as they talk for twenty more minutes. I'm on my second glass of lemonade when mom comes up next to me. Dad's face is expressionless, and Edward stands with his back to me, so I have no freaking idea.

"Mom, go over there," I tell her.

I think maybe she's about to when dad glances behind Edward and makes eye contact with my mom. Edward shakes my dad's hand once more and walks over to Jasper.

"Ready?" dad asks, grabbing mom's hand.

"I-I guess," I stutter. "Let me just say bye—"

"We'll meet you at the car," he says, not meeting my eyes.

I walk over to Alice and hug her. "That was weird?" I say, confusion written all over me.

"Your dad's an odd one. Good luck getting anything out of him."

Jasper hugs me and passes me to Edward.

His arms wrap around my waist and I whisper, "did you tell him?"

"Tell him what, Pretty?"

"About us!"

"Whatever do you mean?" He's playing dumb and I can't believe this.

"Edward!" I tell him, nervous tears coat my eyes.

"I love you," he whispers.

The ride home is quiet. Mom asks dad questions and he answers with one word. Dad isn't a man of many words to begin with, so this isn't unusually unusual, but I'm beginning to feel a little sick, and that's my excuse to get away when we get home.

After eleven, Edward calls me.

"Was tonight everything you hoped for?" I ask.

I hear the familiar sound of a lighter igniting and the burn of paper before he inhales deeply.

"Yes," he tells me, blowing out smoke.

"Are you smoking?" I ask.

"Yes," he laughs.

I give him a few minutes to smoke his joint, listening intently on the way the paper screeches so high pitched it's almost quiet.

"So, Pretty, want to go on a date with me?"

"Okay," I giggle out.

"Alright. I'll pick you up at seven tomorrow night," he says through an exhale.

"What—Edward no, we can't."

"Sure we can. I already asked your dad."

"Wh-wha- what? H-how? When? W-what?" I stutter out.

He laughs at me now. "Earlier tonight, when we were talking. He told me he was proud of everything I've accomplished, and I just fucking did it, Bella. I said, 'Chief, I really would like your permission to ask Bella out.' And then his cheeks got really fucking red and his eyes got all big and then I said, 'I think she's the smartest, gentlest, most selfless person I've ever met.' And then his eyes softened and he looked at you when you were talking to Jasper and he pulled me aside and threatened to chop my dick off and make me eat it if I misplaced a hair on your body, Bella." He sort of laughs now. "Good thing your pussy is bare, huh baby?" he whispers.

"He knows?" I ask, flabbergasted. "My dad _knows_?"

"I mean, he doesn't _know _know, but he knows I want to take you out, and that's enough for now, isn't it?"

I'm nearly crying now. Tears of frustration and years of secrets and the relief that he did it, Edward actually did it, finally roll down my cheeks.

"Oh, fuck, Bella. I'm sorry—should I not have— is it bad? Shit. I'm sorry."

"No," I tell him, catching my breath. "No. Thank you. I'm just… relieved."

He lets me calm down slowly, taking deeper breaths than normal, swallowing my anxiety and panic.

"So he said yes?" I ask.

"He did."

"Where are we going?"

"Does my bedroom count?" he jokes.

"Maybe _after_," I tell him.

"Everything changes after tomorrow. You know that, right? No more coming over whenever, no more sleepovers, no more unrestricted time with me over here. Your dad will know. He probably won't let you over here again," Edward jokes and I nod my head.

"You're right."

After a long pause, he whispers, "just keep your window unlocked, Pretty."

~!~

The next morning, I hide upstairs, and by the time I come down, dad left to run to the store.

"So, Edward finally asked him, huh?" mom says with a smile over a cup of coffee.

"What did dad say?"

"Well, first he said he was going to call Edward and tell him to go to hell, but after a while, like a long while, like just this morning, he said 'Edward's not the worst guy for her to date, right?' and then he left."

"Is he going to make it a big deal?" I ask mom.

"Probably. You know where he went right?"

"No."

"The gun store."

I slap my hand over my forehead and wallow.

It's just before six and there's a knot so tight in my stomach I run to the bathroom to throw up. I'm just being dramatic. I don't really throw up, but I want to. I'm in black tights, a burgundy sweater dress, and boots. I curl and re-curl and re-re-curl the ends of my hair until the ends are fried and I hear a knock on my front door.

_I've never seen Edward so fucking excited _Alice texted me an hour ago.

I'm at the top of the stairs when my dad pulls the door open, arms crossed, waiting.

"Hi, Chief Swan," Edward says. His voice is muffled from this distance.

"Edward," dad says.

"I'm here to—"

"I know why you're here."

Dad's body stands stoic, like a piece of marble, unmoving at the front door. Mom walks over and greets Edward politely.

"Hi, Mrs. Swan. I'm here to take Bella out."

"Of course, Edward. Please come in."

I grab my phone and my purse before making my way down the stairs.

"I've got a .45 and a shovel in the garage," my dad threatens. "If you hurt my daughter—"

"Never," Edward interrupts.

"I don't mean just tonight."

"So do I," Edward agrees.

I make my way down the steps, and Edward comes into view as I round the corner. In his arms is the biggest bouquet full of daisies and sunflowers and chrysanthemums and roses_._

I smile as he hands them to me. "I tried to find flowers that are as beautiful as you," he tells me. "Turns out they don't exist."

Dad rolls his eyes, mom moans an "awe" and I smile like a fool. I fight the urge to stand on my tippiest of toes and kiss that smile off his face. Edward's eyes are cool ocean green, his crisp blue shirt tucks into his tight, pressed khakis. My boy looks _good_.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Yes."

"Home before ten," dad says, walking us out onto the porch. "Wait. Bella?" he calls.

I turn anxiously. _Please don't, dad. Please just let me go._

"Have fun," he says with a resigned smile. Mom walks over to him, saddles up to his side, and rubs his chest. It's done.

I hold my breath until Edward reverses, and we take off down the street. I look behind, and dad's still outside watching Edward's car drive down the road.

"Think he'll wait out there all night?" I ask Edward.

He smiles and shrugs because probably.

Edward takes my hand in his and kisses the back. His lips feel like the way butter melts on warm pancakes.

"We did it," he tells me. "We fucking did it."

I'm so happy I could cry.

Edward takes me to the diner where we share a strawberry milkshake and fries. I'm not hungry in the slightest.

We don't have time to drive to La Push and back, so we settle for cuddling up in the weeds just outside the school. He lays a blanket out and pulls me to him.

"Indian Summer came late this year, huh?" I ask as he nibbles the little spot where my neck meets my jaw.

His answer is to lay me down and kiss me hard.

"Remember when I used to make you come like this?" he asks, pushing his center into mine.

With legs spread and my dress hiked up, I gasp. "On the first date, Edward? What kind of girl do you take me as?" I joke.

He laughs into my neck and rolls to his side on the blanket. I feel the strain of his erection in his pants graze my hip.

"Good point. I shouldn't drop you off with your pussy juice all over my crotch on the first date, should I?"

"Definitely not," I laugh back.

We spend the rest of the time talking about school and what he'll major in. We talk about school without him next year, and how hard it's going to be not seeing each other every day. We talk about facetime sex and make a list of all the places we want to do _that_.

"My car," he says.

"_My _car," I tell him.

"The basketball court at school."

"The meadow."

"Our apartment."

"Our apartment," I agree, grabbing his hand and rubbing it against my cheek.

"Time to go, Pretty," he tells me softly, helping me off the ground and throwing the blanket in the back of the car.

We're quiet, easy, on the way home. His fingers grip my knee as his keys windchime against each other with every turn.

The last of our simplicity leaves as we turn onto our street.

Blue and red illuminate the space between his house and mine.

_Who's is it?_ We both think quietly to ourselves.

There's a rock in my belly, a knot, an anchor sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

We park in his driveway and run out, but I don't know where to go.

I'm bolting into my house and mom's sitting on the couch, tears crying down her cheeks, phone in her hand.

"I just tried calling you."

"Where's dad?" I ask.

Goosebumps swell every hair follicle on my body. My skin hurts.

"Next door," she says with a dry swallow.

Suddenly, my vision tunnels and the only thing I can think is _Jasper_.

My feet don't carry me fast enough. Alice breaks out onto the porch and falls, skinning her knees, onto the driveway where our boys spent summer after summer shooting hoops, laughing at our tan lines, spilling our lemonade.

Dressed in his Chief jacket, badges shining under the Cullen's porch light, my dad and two EMT workers wheel out a body on a stretcher. No black bag. No white blanket.

Alive.

It's what I think over and over as I run to Alice.

I wrap around her like a cloak shielding her from pain, but I have the opposite effect. As soon as my arms snake around her, Alice lets out a wail that pushes me back.

Her voice so loud it makes my ears ring.

She does it again.

And again.

And then I squeeze her so hard she gags.

Her arms grip mine. Her nails dig into me. She scratches me, trying to pull me closer and closer until I'm inside her, squelching the blaze of pain that licks at every organ.

She coughs and coughs and I think for a moment she might throw up, but her arms pinch me tighter, higher. We're standing and running to the ambulance. We awkwardly fall and untangle. She crawls without me up the edge and screams for him.

I watch his finger twitch, but there's no relief.

"Why?" she cries. "Why!" she screams over and over.

Dad pulls her up and restrains her.

"They're taking him to the hospital," he says loudly. "They're going to help him." He says again. "They're going to get him help."

I feel huge arms wrap around me and wetness at my neck. I turn quickly and Edward's there. His arms aren't as tight as Alice's were, but mine are. I can't get close enough to him, to heal him, to absorb his pain.

Everything happens so quickly, but I feel like I'm moving in slow motion.

I can't make sense of anything.

He cries loudly into my neck and the only thing I can think is _we should have been here_.

My boy can't catch his breath. His anxiety spikes. He's hyperventilating. He releases me and grabs his chest.

My dad brings Alice to Mrs. Cullen and runs to Edward.

Dad walks him backwards to sit on the porch steps, unbuttons the top two buttons of his shirt, and nudges his legs apart.

"Head between your legs, Edward. In and out. With me, son. Match my breaths. In through your nose," dad pauses to breathe deeply, "and out through your mouth."

Dad sits next to Edward, arm around him, rubbing his back. I hear Edward's cries soften by the time my mom scoops me into her arms.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."

"Wh-what happened, mom?"

I need to hear it. I need to hear confirmation. Someone needs to say the words out loud.

She pulls me back and just stares. Her cheeks are rosy red and her eyes as shiny as glass.

"Jasper—he—they… Mr. Cullen," and not even she can get it out.

I turn around and look to Mrs. Cullen who soothes Alice, laying against the blacktop of the road where the ambulance races off. I look forward at my dad who embraces Edward in tight bear hug as Edward attempts to catch his breath, warring with God, asking him to save his best friend, his brother.

"Please," Edward gasps. "Please," he yells. "Don't take him," Edward breaks.

Dad holds him tighter and whispers and whispers and whispers.

Mom holds me close to her and asks, "are you okay?"

And I have no fucking idea.

"What happened!" my voice grows louder. I still need to hear it. Say the words.

Mrs. Cullen picks Alice up and walks over to my mom.

"Carlisle went with the ambulance. I don't—should I—what do I do, Renee?" Mrs. Cullen asks, barely keeping herself together as Alice cries into her chest.

"Come over," mom says, ushering her there. "I'll put on some coffee, wine, whatever you need we're here."

I grab Alice and pull her to me. We sit on the couch and I let her cry into me. I wonder where Edward is. I need him. He needs me.

"Whathappened?" I ask the girl who I know has the answer. The only one with balls enough to say it.

"I was upstairs for twenty minutes taking a shower and when I came down, his lips were blue. Blue!" she cries again. "I screamed so loud. I called for my dad. I screamed so loud _your_ dad heard," she says again, catching her breath.

"Mom did CPR, dad made me call 9-1-1 while he ran to his office. He gave him Narcan. He overdosed, Bella. He _overdosed._" There it is. All the air leaves my lungs when she says it. "He wasn't breathing. He didn't have a pulse. He _died_, Bella! He was fucking dead."

"Not anymore," I tell her, grabbing her face, making her look at me. "Not anymore."

Mrs. Cullen sits next to Alice and cries with her daughter. I take the opportunity to find my boy.

"They're still next door," mom says, pouring two cups of coffee.

_What are they doing?_ I wonder briefly.

It's ten more minutes before they appear. Alice falls asleep on my couch, her mom not far behind.

Edward stands awkwardly in my living room, dad near him, hands in his pocket.

I look from my dad to my boyfriend and back.

Dad's eyes are glassy, and his nose is red. His jacket soaked with tears from every Cullen.

Edward's worse for wear. His cheeks red and puffy, irritated. His lips rose-red-bitten to shreds. His eyes blue with regret.

"Can I talk to Bella outside?" he asks quietly.

I stand before dad nods.

We're on the porch steps, his arm around my back pulling me closer. No words are needed, but Edward tries.

"I can't… he didn't… I just… I'm so…" but no words are right in this moment.

"It's okay, Edward," I tell him softly. Edward understands. He nods. He always understands. "Somethings you just can't speak about."

He nods again.

We're outside for a good twenty minutes before mom brings us a blanket. He wraps it around our backs and snuggles me closer.

"I can't believe he actually fucking did it," Edward says, his breath catching in his throat.

I have no words at all. What could I say in this moment to make it better? Absolutely nothing.

"The only thing I can think is 'why?'" Edward breathes in through his nose, out through his mouth like my dad taught him.

"I'm not sure we'll ever know the real answer to that question."

"How can I go away to school—how can I leave him?" he asks.

"You can and you will. You've worked too hard—"

"He has no one—"

"He has Alice and your parents and me. He has support. He needs to use it."

Edward sighs. "How'd you get so smart?" he asks after a while.

I shrug and think about the way my dad kept his cool in the crisis. "Guess it runs in my family," I tell him honestly.

Edward nods immediately. "It does."

~!~

Edward and I sit outside until our bones can't take it anymore. When we move in, Mrs. Cullen gets a call from her husband.

"He's asleep, he's stable," she breathes gently. "He's agreed to treatment."

"He already—" Edward starts but his mom cuts him off with a shake of her head.

"He's agreed to go to Ocean Recovery in Florida, Edward."

This shuts him up. Edward blows out a breath and runs a hand through his hair.

When he cries, this time it's out of relief.

~!~

Jasper's in the hospital for two full days and is allowed only visits from Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

"I'm not allowed?" Alice yells at her dad.

"For good reason, Alice. He's… fragile right now."

"This is bullshit!" she yells. "He's my boyfriend!"

"If you'd like to write him a letter, I'd be glad to give it to him—"

Alice stomps up the stairs and slams her door shut.

"I can't see him either?" Edward asks quietly next to me.

"I'm afraid not, son."

Edward nods and stands. "You coming, B?" he asks at the doorway of his dad's office.

I stand to go but Mr. Cullen interrupts. "I'd like to talk to Bella for a moment, if you don't mind?" I agree. "Please shut my door, Edward."

Edward does so and I hear his feet padding up the steps to his room.

"Please don't let wat we discuss leave this room, Bella." I nod again. "I lied," he starts, "Jasper isn't forbidden from seeing guests, he simply chooses not to."

"Oh," I say softly.

"He doesn't want to see anyone but you."

"Me?"

Mr. Cullen nods. "He asked me to tell you to please come see him."

"Isn't he getting out soon?"

"He is," Mr. Cullen nods, "but he's going from the hospital to the airport. He won't be coming home before rehab."

"Oh," I say softly again.

"So, if you'd like to see him, it must be before he leaves tomorrow morning."

I check the time on my phone. It's just after six in the evening.

"Can I go now?" I ask.

He nods. "I'll notify the floor that you'll be arriving soon."

"Edward will—"

"I'll tell him your dad asked you to come home."

I nod and stand quickly. I'm scared to see him, to see Jasper, but he wants to see me, and I want to do this for him.

I drive my car to the hospital and rush to the elevator. I hit floor seven and when I arrive, I tell the nurse at the front desk. She shows me to room 708 where Jasper is sitting up in his bed, flipping through the stations on the small TV bolted to the wall on the left.

When he sees me, Jasper shuts it off and throws his legs over the bed, standing.

"Can you—"

"I overdosed, B, but I'm not a cripple," he jokes.

"Glad your sense of humor is still in there," I tell him.

He stands in front of me and we both smile.

"Hi," he says.

"Hi," I say back.

He suddenly pulls me to him, hugging me tight, warming my soul in a way no one else can. It's this moment I choose to break.

Emotionally, I've kept it together for my parents, supported Alice, and held Edward's heart in my hands, but now I need this. Now is my turn to fall and burn and the person there to pick me up just so happens to be the one to cause it.

"Fuck," Jasper says softly. "Fuck, Bella." Jasper's arms tighten. "Let it out."

I do. I pull at his shirt, scratch at his back, scrape my fingers down his arms, and let it out into his chest.

"Why, Jasper?" I ask softly. "I love you so much. Why?"

He hugs and soothes and shushes me as we gently rock back and forth. I ask him over and over, but he never responds. I just need to know. I just _want_ to know. I just—

"When I was ten, just before we moved here, I found my mom on the kitchen floor in a pool of her own vomit. She was practically foaming at the mouth. Her lips were blue. Her skin was white, clammy, warm." He pauses to breathe. "I called 9-1-1 and followed the dispatcher's directions for CPR. She started breathing and came to within 30 seconds. She took one look at me and cried. She yelled, 'why didn't you just let me die?' over and over until the ambulance came." He pauses again, rubbing my back. "When I was eleven, she did it again, but she left a note. _Be better than me_ it said and nothing else. She was locked in her bathroom with a needle in her arm. She was breathing this time, and it took me a full minute to decide if I should call 9-1-1." He swallows against my shoulder. "When I was thirteen, she gave me my first beer. When I was fourteen, she told me to smoke weed. When I started doing pills, she asked to buy some from me. Every time she overdosed, the hospital asked her what rehab she wanted to be sent to and she always gave them our address. My mom never took it seriously."

"What?" I ask quietly, hugging him to me.

"Anything. Her life. Addiction. Me! It was always some fucking joke. She used to love when my dad would beat the shit out of her, wanna know why?" He doesn't let me respond. "Because it was an excuse to come here and get pain pills. My mom used to get so fucking mad when I intervened before he knocked her the fuck out. If I stopped him, she wouldn't get her fix. She hated me for that. I never fucking dealt with that shit, B. Never. When I was removed and placed with the Cullens, I was scared. I was scared that I would fall into the same pattern as my mom. I was scared I'd become her. Edward kept my secrets from everyone. Alice turned a blind eye when shit got really real. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen were too scared to say anything or bring it up. But you, Bella, you were never afraid to tell me I was being dumb, or ask me if I was okay, and I'm sorry for not confiding in you, for answering for real, because the truth is I'm not okay. I'm still this fucked up monster who paints on a smile and dresses in expensive clothes and lives in a big house. I'm still my mom's son."

"You're nothing like her."

"I'm _everything _like her," he corrects. "But not anymore. I'm done with that shit. I'm done with that life. I feel so fucking old, Bella, and I shouldn't. I'm eighteen and feel exhausted. I gotta get help. I need to leave this place, Bella, and I can't tell Edward or Alice because they'll try to fix me and you see how well that worked out."

My heart breaks. It literally feels like it's ripping at the seams. My heart is a pumping, bleeding, organ that falls right into my belly. "When are you coming back?" I ask, scared of the answer. I swallow thickly. What will Edward do? How will Alice take it?

"I don't know," he says honestly. "Mr. Cullen says after my three months are up at rehab, they can put me up in an apartment until I can get on my feet. Anywhere I want. I was thinking Utah or Idaho. Maybe Montana."

"You—you're not coming back?"

Jasper's smile is sad and telling and then soft tears fall from the middle of his eyes, overflowing waves crash onto the beach and he hugs me.

"You've always been my favorite, my number zero," he says softly. "The girl who helped me realize I'm worth something."

"Jasper," I say, I break, I crumble. I can't say goodbye. "What—how—what do I tell Alice?"

He shakes his head. "Tell her I'm getting better. Tell her I'll come back to her when I'm ready. Make her believe _she's _worth something, Bella. I love her more than all the stars in every galaxy on this universe and the next. Alice is the most special piece of my heart, and we _both_ need this. She needs time to heal from me, from what I've caused. Maybe she won't even want me after al this."

"You won't be gone _forever _then?"

"No," he says with a laugh and a shake of his head. "I just can't come back here after rehab. I can't be around those same people. I need a fresh start. Mr. Cullen says I deserve one."

"You do," I tell him. "You're worth it. Will you call?"

He nods. "When I can."

"I love you so much, Jasper."

"You've always been my family, Bella. I love you." I'm quiet as I accept. "If you need me, just touch the bracelet, B. Always together, remember? Distance won't separate us."

I spend the rest of the evening with him. He sketches for me as I sit in the corner, watching him. Taking in his smile and his fingers and his long locks. Before I leave, he gives me four letters and says, "give these to them tomorrow."

I nod and when I say goodbye, it feels like a long, _long_ time.

~!~

In my car, I sit quietly, content, scared, happy, anxious, mad, relieved.

I flip through the envelopes with names scrolled in black ink.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, my rescuers.

Edward, my brother, my best friend.

Alice, my love.

Bella, my favorite.

I don't wait or think twice as gently tear it open.

_Bella,_

_The best. _

_The most. _

_The sweetest. _

_My kindred sister. _

_Take care of our friends. Let them be mad. Let them call me names. Let them accept on their own time. Anger is easy, acceptance is much harder. They aren't you, but they need you._

_Make sure Alice smiles, and call her a bitch when she deserves it, and ask her if she wants to paint because she really likes it._

_Make sure Edward laughs, and tell him he's dumb for not telling your dad sooner (I always knew he'd accept you two), and make sure he doesn't put basketball before you ever._

_You are the sun, Bella. _

_Shine._

_I'll see you, B._

_Jasper._

_~!~_

I pull into my driveway and have nowhere to go.

I don't want to answer a million questions from my parents right now, and Edward thinks I had to leave, so I sit in my car still, reading and rereading Jasper's note.

After an hour, I watch Mr. Cullen step onto his porch and sit on the swing, and before I can stop myself, my legs carry my body over to him.

In front of him, sad, deflated, empty, Mr. Cullen says, "I see he told you, then."

I nod and Mr. Cullen pats the spot next to him on the swing.

"He'll be okay, right?"

"I think this is what he needed all along."

"A break?"

"A chance to heal from a childhood of shame, addiction, rejection."

It makes sense.

"Alice is going to lose it."

"We can deal with her," Mr. Cullen smiles. "She's always been a bit dramatic."

His words pull a laugh out of me.

"Edward will be…"

"Relieved," Mr. Cullen finishes quietly. "He will no longer have to carry the weight and anxiety of his biggest fear on his back. He cares so deeply about everything,"

I nod and smile. "It's my favorite thing about it," I admit.

Mr. Cullen smiles back. "Mine too, Bella."


	30. Chapter 30

**November **

"He just fucking left?" Alice says to her dad the second he walks through the door. "He didn't say bye? He didn't want to say goodbye to me?"

I hold Alice tonight as she cries tears of anger, frustration, and relief.

"Why is he doing this?"

I scrub my fingernails against her scalp.

An hour later, she cries, "why is he so selfish?"

My thumb wipes the tears from her cheeks and dries them in her hair. A creek near the door catches my attention. Edward walks silently over and sits on the floor, back against the bed, and closes his eyes. Alice misses her boyfriend, and my guy misses his brother.

Just before she falls asleep, Alice sighs, "will he be okay?"

"I have no idea," I whisper back.

Edward reaches up and grips my leg. He's tear stained and silent. Bright blue marbles plead what his words cannot, and I untangle my limbs from Alice's. The second I slither down to the floor, Edward envelopes me.

**December**

"You've been seeing Edward a lot, lately, Bella," dad says one day over dinner. Light snow falls around the house, but we're warm and safe inside.

"Yeah," I say, swallowing a piece of chicken dryly. He always chooses the most inopportune times to bring up Edward.

"Did he tell you I showed him my gun collection?"

"Yes, dad." My eyes roll so hard they strain.

"Is he being respectful?" dad asks finally, chugging the rest of his beer.

I hide my smirk in my own cup. _Not last night _I think, but instead say, "of course, dad."

Two days before Christmas, Alice knocks on my front door.

With tear rimmed, red eyes, Alice says, "I wrote him a letter."

Alice hands it to me when we sit on the couch.

The letter is two full pages with frantic writing and scratched out words. The paper crinkles like polka dots that I can only imagine is from her tears. Every other sentence is _I love you _and _please come home_ and different forms of _don't ever leave me_.

Unhealthy. This letter is unhealthy.

"Are you going to send it?" I ask.

Alice looks at me and blubbers, "my mom won't let me!"

Her breathing increases and Alice is in full blown panic.

"Alice, breathe," I tell her sternly.

She nods and wipes her eyes on the back of Jasper's old sweatshirt that she has on.

"Can we get drunk?" she asks.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, let me go ask my dad for two beers, Alice."

This gets a snort from Alice who leans back on my couch and hugs her knees to her chest. "Can we have a sleepover here?"

I lean back with her and rest my head on her shoulder. "Definitely."

Mom makes us cookies and we eat pizza on my couch. Edward calls and Alice tells him to take a hike.

_Sorry_ I text Edward a little later.

_It's ok. Have fun, baby B._

He's always so understanding and kind. He doesn't mind taking a backseat so that I can tend to his sister.

On Christmas, mom, dad, and I walk the short distance next door. Mom brings deviled eggs and wine. Dad brings beer and a good mood. I bring gifts for everyone.

This is the first Christmas Edward gives me a gift as my boyfriend in front of everyone.

In the bag is a velvety box, and when I open it, my mom gasps. The most beautiful, dainty necklace sits pretty inside. The white gold chain is bright and shiny. On the chain rests one small, diamond encrusted bead.

I ask him to put it on me, and as I finger the gem, it sits just under the hollow of my clavicle.

"That is stunning," my mom says, swooning over Edward's taste.

"Not as stunning as your daughter," Edward says softly, touching the chain, trailing his finger to the bead.

"Hmph," dad says, swallowing a large gulp or beer.

"You look beautiful," Edward whispers, hand on my knee, scratching against the sheer black tights I have on.

"I love it, Edward. Thank you."

He nods and kisses my temple.

Even Alice can't stop looking at it.

When it's time, I give Edward his gift. Edward pulls out and unwraps the framed jersey from last year that I wore to the Washington Wizards game and got signed by some of the players.

He smiles and nods knowing exactly what this means.

"I thought you could hang it up at your apartment when you go to school," I tell him as the adults talk quietly around us.

"I will," he says happily. "This is one of my favorite memories, Bella. Thank you."

No one wants to mention it, but there's a big, fat elephant in the room in the shape of Jasper's absence. Alice sits quietly, fidgeting with her fingers, bouncing her legs when no one watches. When I put my hand on her knee, she grips my wrist tightly with pressure from anxiety and nervousness. Her fingers tell me _I cant do this_ but my fingers on her knee are reassuring and promising. _You can and you will_ they say.

The rest of the night is easy and fun. We play board games and eat cookies after a huge dinner. Mom drinks 3 glasses of wine and starts talking about mine and Edward's wedding.

"Let's slow down, Renee," dad says with a shake of his head. "They've been on like three dates."

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and my mom swallow smiles as they sip from their glasses, and my dad is none the wiser.

"Don't lock your window, Pretty," Edward whispers as he hugs me goodbye at eleven.

We quickly walk home, wanting to escape the harsh breeze from the wind as it whips around outside.

I yawn and stretch and hug mom and dad tightly, thanking them for everything before I head upstairs. I'm just pulling on an oversized t-shirt when Edward steps in. Rushing over to hurry him in and shut the window, I pull him to me and squeeze him as hard as ever, warming his frozen fingers.

"I love you," my lips whisper against his. "I love you so much."

He answers me in his own way, pressing hard against me, pulling me under the covers, caressing my skin until the sun comes up.

**January**

"Jasper's not coming back," Alice cries into my shoulder. I want to tell her I know, but this is a secret I'll take to my grave… along with the one where Jasper calls me every few weeks from rehab.

I remember, just before Christmas, Edward had climbed up the lattice on the side of my house and spent the night with me. Jasper decided to call. I tried and tried to hide the phone, but Edward's very intuitive. When I answered, Edward stayed quiet. He didn't want to make Jasper uncomfortable. Edward's very understanding like that. His sister on the other hand…

"Why won't he call me, B?" Alice asks, her voice childish, sad.

"I think he's just trying to heal, Al," I tell her. "He has to heal before—"

"But I need him!"

And that's when I say enough is enough. Before I leave that night, I knock on Mr. Cullen's door and tell him everything. Alice is falling into a depression, her anxiety is sky high, she's obsessing, she's not healing on her own. Mr. Cullen says he's taking care of it.

**February**

"Dad's making us all go to NA," Edward tells me one night over the phone.

"NA?"

"Narcotics anonymous. Your dad gave him the information for it. My dad says we're all enablers, and Jasper could never come home after he's changed if _we _don't change."

"Oh," I say softly. "That's actually pretty smart."

"Yeah," Edward sighs. "I miss your fingers in my hair, Pretty. I hate winter. I hate snow. I hate not being able to climb up into your room and fuck you while your parents are downstairs. Think they know I make their little girl come so hard she bit through my skin?"

I giggle, remembering just after Christmas when he had me against the wall in my room. My teeth sank into his forearm just as he hit that spot inside me. "I hope not," I whisper back.

"You going to be my Valentine, Bella?" he asks gently.

"Who's else would I be?"

I can hear Edward's smile through the phone as he whispers love and lust and all the things that warm me all over.

**March **

"It's actually pretty cool. Mr. Cullen got me a job working as a ranch hand with an old friend in Missouri—"

"Missouri?" I interrupt.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Like, who the fuck lives in Missouri? But that's exactly the point, B, who the fuck lives in Missouri? It's beautiful. I get to stay in a guest house attached to this huge, white farmhouse with twenty acres of farmland."

"What do you do?" I ask, closing my math book, leaning back in my chair.

"Tend the animals. I feed the chickens, cows, run the goats, groom the horses, clean up shit. Typical stuff." Relief floods out of his words. Relaxation coats every letter. Happiness glows from his tone.

"I bet you smell so bad," I joke, and Jasper laughs louder than I've ever heard.

With a warm belly and the tickle of hope in my heart, we hang up with the promise to talk soon.

**April**

Alice turns eighteen.

"I'm quitting school," she says, drunk off three beers on her back porch.

"Shut up," I tell her.

"I'm eighteen. What's the point?"

"Uhm, because we only have one more year—"

"I'm going to find Jasper."

"Alice," I start, grabbing her hand and squeezing softly. "Maybe he's not ready to be found."

Alice just looks at me. A blank stare and long lashes burn into me. And then she cracks the slightest, babiest of smiles.

"How the fuck did you get so smart, Bella?"

Her words make me feel nice, sincere, content.

"I guess that's just what happens when you grow up."

Alice talks to me about the narcotics anonymous for families group she and her family have been going to. She tells me it's too religious for her, but then says she doesn't mind. Alice explains they've been enabling him for years, not offering the help he needs, and she sort of gets why he had to leave.

She doesn't know all the reasons, but forgiveness comes slowly.

She doesn't cry as much anymore.

**May**

"I'm coming back," Jasper says quietly early one night in the middle of May.

"You are?" I ask, spoon mid-air full of ice cream. Mom looks at me with question.

"I'm coming home to graduate, to see Edward walk to the stage, to be there for my friends and family. I want to see you, I want to see Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. I want to see Alice so fucking much," he tells me finally.

Air gushes from my lungs, air that I think has been stuck there since he left in the fall.

"Do you… do you think it's a good idea?" I ask.

"Yes. My therapist says a few days at a time will be okay. I've been working hard to keep my grades up through cyber school. I want to walk across the stage. I want to prove to myself that I can do something if I try."

My smile hurts my cheeks. Warm tears sting my eyes.

"I'm so proud of you, Jas."

~!~

"He's coming home," Alice squeals. "He called Edward, and he said he's coming home!"

I hug Alice as tight as I can because I'm so incredibly happy for her.

Mr. Cullen pauses eating his dinner and looks to his daughter. "Just remember everything we've worked for, Alice. He's not the only one who has changed, so let's show that to him."

Alice smiles and nods, agreeing with her dad.

Under the table, Edward kicks my feet. His smile soars, he's beaming, elated, excited.

That night, in the basement where everything started, I let him kiss each finger, every toe, count the beauty marks on my belly.

"I gained weight," I tell him honestly.

He shakes his head and bites my belly roll.

"I did. Seven pounds since Christmas."

"That's not so bad," he whispers, his fingers pulling my tank down, exposing my breasts.

"You're going to be this big ball player for University of Washington, and your girlfriend is this fat—"

"You're _not_ fat, Bella." Edward's stern as he tells me, his eyes meeting my own. I love when he gets like this. "You have soft, luscious curves, and perky tits, and this ass. Mmmm," he moans, gripping it with both hands. "I wish you could see the way it bounces when I have you on your knees from behind."

Edward release my ass and grabs my breasts, pushing them together. He takes turns nipping and sucking my nipples before he pulls my cotton shorts down around my knees, lifts my legs and hips, closes my legs so my knees touch, and dives tongue first where only he's tasted.

I've learned to keep quiet from all the late-night rendezvous in my room, so coming on his tongue with his family upstairs is a piece of cake now. But, when he pulls me down onto all fours on the ground and pushes into me from behind, it's harder to contain the squeaks and moans and mewls of absolute divinity.

"If only you could see the way your pussy lips grip my dick like this. If only you could see the curve of your hips and the way this ass jiggles when I smack it. If only you could see the muscles in your thighs tighten when I hit right _here_."

He sends me flying, soaring, skyrocketing into one intense orgasm after the next.

Later that night, when we're clothed and quiet, just before my curfew, I kiss Edward's neck and tell him he's the most incredible person I've ever met.

"Thanks, baby, but you haven't really met that many people," he jokes, shifting my hips off his thighs and onto his center.

I roll my eyes. "Aren't you _ever _satisfied?" I ask as his erection pokes at my inner thigh.

"Nope," he smiles.

"Are you nervous for graduation?"

"Not really," he tells me, pulling my body down so we're chest to chest. "I just can't believe it's over."

"Doesn't it feel like we've been in high school forever?" I joke.

He shrugs. "I feel like I've been eighteen since I was twelve."

I nod along with him.

"I'm going to miss you," I tell him, snuggling his neck.

"I'll see you more than you might think," Edward says with confidence.

"I told my dad you were my boyfriend last week," I admit.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, but I didn't tell him you've been my boyfriend for, like, four years," I giggle.

"It has been a while hasn't it?"

"Yes."

"And you still won't let me in here?" he asks softly, moving his fingers to slide up and down my ass.

"Edward!" I squeal, sitting up.

He smiles up at me and shrugs. So I decide to be brave and daring and give in to something he really, _really _wants.

"Alright, fine. You wanna try and put your big, huge dick in my butt, I'll let you. But if it hurts, Edward, you better take it out!"

Edward sits up, grabs my ass, and rolls us so he's on top, wrestling me into the cushions.

"Yeah?" he says in surprise. "You'll try it?"

"Only if you promise to stop if it hurts."

"It'll hurt, Bella, but it'll hurt in the best way possible. If you tell me stop, though, I promise I will. You can always trust me."

Edward breathes me in and kisses me until I'm dizzy.

"When?" I ask.

"When my parents and Alice drive up to Seattle to get Jasper. We'll have almost the entire day."

"That's this weekend."

He winks at me before whispering, "I know."

~!~

Today is Wednesday, my last day of school before summer, and Edward's last day ever. He walks around like he's king of world. Jessica and Jayne hug each other in the corner, crying that they'll miss each other. Both only got into the community college in Port Angeles, so I don't know what they're so upset about—they'll be seeing each other for the next two years at least.

Alice hugs some of our senior friends who are heading off to college early. Paul goes in for a hug, but she punches his throat.

"I didn't like you during high school, and I'm not going to like you after high school," she says in disgust.

Paul is one of the only students in school who talked shit about Jasper after he overdosed.

"I don't know why they saved him," I hear Paul say, walking up behind him at lunch the week after Jasper's accident. "He'd be one less deadbeat on the streets. Useless junkie, waste of space."

Edward pushes me aside and grabs Paul by the back of the neck, dragging him from his seat. I watch in horror as Edward pulls his fist back with rage and hatred painted all over his skin. Jake stands immediately and holds Edward back.

"Your scholarship, dude," he says, holding Edward's fist in his huge palm to stop his plans before they start. Jake looks out for Edward. I don't know if punching a peer would do anything to threaten his scholarship, but in this moment, Jake saves Edward.

But then Alice punches Paul right in the nose and kicks him in the balls twice.

"The only waste of space is you, fucker," Alice screams.

She got suspended for two days after the incident. When her parents found out why, they didn't punish Alice. Mrs. Cullen bought her ice cream and took us shopping that weekend.

"Bitch," Paul gasps, rubbing his neck and walking away.

I wink at Alice and she blows me a kiss.

"We're going to rule the school next year, B," Alice says, hooking her arm around my neck and walking us toward English.

It's the second to last period of the day, and I'm bored beyond belief. All day, teachers sit at their desk and finish grading while students sit around and talk, finish cleaning out their lockers, or watch a movie the teacher puts on.

_Come find me _Edward texts.

I smirk and shake my head. _Hint?_

_Where I tore your purple panties off and made you walk around in that breezy, little dress with nothing underneath._

Stairwell B by the art room.

"Can I finish my locker?" I ask the teacher who waves me off.

I collect my things and walk steadily to the stairwell, but he's not there. Just as I pull my phone out, he texts again.

_Where I decorated your pretty face with my cum._

The girl's locker room.

I squeeze my legs together and walk quickly towards the staircase leading down to the locker room.

_Remember we almost got caught? You pulled my dick out of your mouth thinking you heard someone and I jizzed all over you. Fuck that was hot, baby._

I run down the rest of the stairs and into the empty locker room. He's not here either.

_Where are you now?_ I type out.

_Where you let me press you against the window and fuck you facing the football field._

Third floor demo hallway. I run up the three flights of stairs and he's not there.

_The one place I've wanted to put my dick in you for years, Bella. Come find me._

I think for a moment. There aren't a lot of places we haven't, but two stick out in my mind. The gym, on the basketball court, but it can't be there since there's a class in the gym right now. I think harder and remember him saying he always wanted _me _for lunch. Could it be the lunch room?

I walk casually and quickly passed peers who fool around in the hallways to the back entrance in the rarely used hallway where the double doors to the cafeteria are open. All the tables are propped up, standing tall and folded in half, but the one we've eaten lunch at for years now is down. Edward's back is to me and I quietly admire him for a moment. The fact that I won't get to see him every day next year has me near tears, but then he turns and smiles adoringly, patting the spot on the bench next to him.

"Hey, beautiful," he says gently, leaning down to kiss me.

"Hi, handsome."

Edward passes me a milkshake and winks when I give him the _where'd you get this? _face.

"I love you so much it makes my fingernails burn," he whispers to me as I suck vanilla through the straw. "I love you so much it makes my stomach pulse and my heart squeeze. I can feel our love in the veins on my hands, and in my legs, and on my feet. I can feel you everywhere all the time, Bella."

His words comfort me, and I'm wrapped in a blanket of trust and respect. His eyes are so bright-green and his smile is 1,000 watt white.

"You make me so happy," I tell him with tears.

I finish my drink and Edward stands to throw it away, shutting and locking the door on his way back. I stand and pool my underwear around my ankles before he can make it back. I'm on the top of the table, dress around my hips, fingers rubbing my clit. Edward's eyes are danger-dark but not surprised.

Edward sends me on a sexual memory scavenger hunt around the school, reliving some of our favorite memories.

I'm his match.

Edward's eyes never leave my glistening arousal as it coats my swollen lips. He swats my fingers away and has me for lunch.

~!~

On Thursday, Jasper calls me.

"I'm nervous," he tells me.

"Why?"

"Things won't be the same."

"Isn't that the point?"

"I'm not the same, Bella."

"Again, isn't that the point?"

"She won't—Alice—She won't understand. Not like you."

"Breathe," I tell him gently. "She will, Jasper. You're not the same, but neither is she."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Fuck," he says, and I can hear the way he runs his hand over his face. "I miss her so fucking much. This has been so hard."

I ask him inane questions about what he sees out his window, if he took pictures, if he misses Mrs. Cullen's cooking.

Jasper laughs and says, "only her grilled cheese."

We talk for another hour before he admits, "I look different."

"Oh yeah? Me too. I gained seven pounds."

"Oh, fuck off, B. You've been saying that for five years. I've gained 23 pounds."

"Damn," I say. "Are you going to Dunkin Donuts like every day or what?"

He laughs and blows out a sigh. "And I cut my hair."

"How short?"

"Short."

"I'm sure Alice will still love you," I whisper, knowing this is what he needs to hear.

"I sure hope so."

~!~

On Wednesday night, Edward drops a small, metal tear drop shaped object into my palm after he sneaks into my room.

"It's a butt plug," he tells me easily, quietly as not to wake my parents. "Wear this for a little bit tonight, tomorrow, and Friday before you come over. It will help stretch you."

He makes sure I'm comfortable and that I definitely want this before he slowly slips it into me with the help of my arousal after my second orgasm.

"It's so…" I trail off, moving my hips around.

"Uncomfortable?"

I shake my head no. "I just feel very full," I admit quietly.

I'm on my belly, head on my arms, ass in the air.

He smirks. "You look very… delicious right now, Bella, but I have to go."

"What, why?" I ask, sitting up so I'm on my hands and knees, turned towards Edward who's behind me.

I watch his throat constrict, his eyes bore into my fleshy cheeks and the wide pink jewel that sticks out from my bottom. I place one finger on the pink jewel and push against it, dropping my head to moan.

"Don't you want me?" I ask softly.

"More than I've ever wanted you before," he starts, walking closer to move my hand away and press against the jewel himself. "But if I fuck you here," his fingers slide between my lips and rub against my clit and then my opening, "it won't be soft."

"I don't want it soft," I plead, pressing into his fingers.

His growl sets me on fire, and my fingers find their way between my thighs to rub hard circles against the area Edward won't touch.

"I'll fuck you so hard this whole bed will scoot across the floor. Your dad will hear and cut my dick off before I can fuck you _here_," he says, emphasizing the place he's been wanting to put his dick for years by pulling on the warmed metal and pushing it back in.

My ears fill with the sound of my own gasp. Edward claws at my ass cheek and pulls the butt plug out before pushing it back in again.

When the door down the hall opens and footsteps fall on creaky wood, I freeze. Edward hurries into my closet, in the way back behind my dresses as I throw the blankets over my body and pretend to sleep before a knock sounds.

"Bella?" my dad calls. I'm paralyzed by fear, so my silence comes in the form of feigned sleep. He tries the handle, but my door is locked. Another knock and a louder, "Bella?"

I stand and throw on my robe before walking to the door and unclicking the lock.

"Dad?" I ask, rubbing my eyes to seem like I've been awoken from deep sleep. "Everything ok?"

"I thought I heard voices," he says skeptically, peering over my shoulder to look in my room.

Nothing is askance. I move aside and let him gander.

"I must have been dreaming," I say quietly. I wonder what he heard. My boyfriend was just fucking me with the butt plug that's still inside me mere minutes ago.

"Maybe," he says, kissing the top of my head. "Keep the door unlocked at night Bella," he says. I roll my eyes behind his back.

"Night, dad."

Back in my room, I click the door shut and walk to my closet where Edward climbs out of.

"That was just the boner killer I needed," he whispers, laying with me on my bed for an hour before I'm near sleep and he thinks it's safe to leave. He kisses me three times softly and I mutter that I can't wait for goodbye kisses to turn into goodnight kisses. "This time next year, Pretty," he assures. Butterflies wake up in my belly.

Now it's early Friday afternoon, and I've been sitting on the couch in Edward's basement for an hour with this butt plug shoved up my ass. I'm severely worried that his dick might send me to the hospital. I can't imagine explaining that one to our parents.

Edward touches my leg and holds my knee and kisses my elbow anytime I move. He smiles softly and lets me pick the TV show and asks me if I want to take a nap.

"A nap?" I question irritably.

"Are you not tired, Bella? We were up pretty late last night." Edward looks at me expectantly.

"No, I'm not tired, Edward. A nap isn't what I want."

"Oh," he says, sitting up straighter. "What is that you want, Isabella?"

_Game on_.

I try and hide my smirk behind my hair as I look away, but Edward grips my hair and my neck and turns my face to his.

"Go on. Tell me what you want."

"You," I manage to whisper.

"Be more specific."

"I want you to fuck me."

"Is that so?" he asks, releasing my hair and my neck to sit back on the couch. His joggers tent at the crotch and he does nothing to alleviate his erection. I sit and stare, licking my lips. "Go upstairs and undress."

I love when he quietly bosses me around. As I stand, Edward gently reaches out to brush his fingers across my thigh. As I look down to him, he winks.

I strip my shirt and let it puddle on the floor in the kitchen. Then I decorate his stairs with my bra, the landing with my jeans, and hang lacy, pink underwear on the doorknob of his bedroom. Once there, I decide to surprise him by sitting on my knees, waiting. I have the pink jeweled butt plug in, stretching me open, and form this position I can feel the intense invasion deliciously as my heels press against my bottom. My hips wiggle and grind in circles as I wait for Edward.

"You made such a mess of this house," he says, opening the door, throwing my clothes on his couch. His eyes darken emerald-blue as he takes in the sight of me. He pulls his pants down and his erection slaps against his belly. "Open," he commands, pulling my head and putting his dick as far down my throat as I can take. When I gag, he pulls back, but I use my hands to keep him there, silently telling him it's okay.

He knows my limits, and I know he won't hurt me. We trust each other in the most beautiful way.

Edward sets a pace that has my arousal leaking down my thighs. He grunts and groans and holds nothing back.

"Take this dick," he says.

Edward fists my hair.

"Fuck, your mouth feels so good, baby," he moans.

His fingers grip my scalp.

"I can't wait to fuck your tight little ass," he pants.

His fingers stiffen in my hair and just as his balls constrict, he pushes me away with gasps and pants.

My lips feel raw and swollen and I lick what's left of his taste off my face.

"Get on your knees on the bed, face on the mattress, arms at your sides. I want your pussy on my tongue in the worst fucking way."

I do as he asks, and Edward wastes no time tasting the wet mess he created. I shake my hips gently back and forth and grind against his tongue and nose. This is definitely my favorite position for Edward to taste me. On my back, legs bent is good. On my knees riding his face is okay. But there's something primal and delicious being bent over, spread open, with your lover's tongue on your clit and their nose inside your opening that really intensifies the act.

"Right there," I whimper quietly as he sucks my clit between his lips.

"Don't hold back. I want to hear you, baby," he says against my center before grazing his teeth against my sensitive nub.

My hips buck against his face, and Edward wraps his arms around my legs, squeezing my knees together, sucking my whole pussy into his mouth.

"Fuck," I grunt. "Edward, I'm coming!" I yell, gripping the sheets until my spasms slow and I release my muscles.

By this time, Edward stands and removes the butt plug I put in earlier. He drizzles something warm and wet between my cheeks and I feel it slip down my lips.

"Can I fuck you?" he asks.

"Please," I beg.

He surprises me by slipping his dick into my pussy, groaning at the sensation. He slowly and gently gives me his cock here until he has me on the precipice. When Edward pulls out and puts the head of his cock against my other opening, I freeze. The stretch is much more intense than the metal plug.

"You have to relax, baby," he tells me, reaching down to rub my clit slowly. "Feel my fingers. Relax. Open up for me."

It takes him five good minutes to press against my opening and slip the head of his dick into my tight opening.

"Holy fucking shit," Edward whimpers. Warmth spreads across my cheeks and down my thighs. "It's more lube," he whispers, rubbing the excess into my skin as he presses forward, inching his cock into my ass.

He presses in and pulls out so very slowly until I feel like he couldn't possibly have any more dick to put in.

"Is it in all the way?" My voice shakes as I ask.

"Not even halfway," he grunts. "You have to loosen up, baby. Let me in."

"I am," I plead.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asks.

When I don't answer, Edward withdraws almost all the way and then stops as I gasp from the sensation. The long stroke makes my thighs quiver.

"Do it again," I say softly.

Edward pushes in and pulls out in another long stroke.

"Fuck," I whimper, throwing my head back and my hair to side. "That feels good, Edward. Keep doing that."

"Yeah?" he asks genuinely. "Keep talking. I need to hear it. I need to know."

Edward repositions and pushes again but harder this time. My moans and purrs and pleading egg him on.

He gives me long, slow strokes, and I tell him every time it feels good. Half a dozen more thrusts, and we're both panting like we just ran a marathon, but I need more.

"Try going faster," I beg, meeting him thrust for thrust with my hips. I'm on my hands and knees now, my head thrown back, hair spread out across my back.

"Yes," he grunts, pulling out and pushing in with faster, deeper strokes. Every few minutes, he drips lube onto his shaft as he pushes in. "I'm close," he gasps.

I can tell by the pulse of his cock and his erratic thrusts that Edward will come before I will, but that's okay. This is for him, so I egg him on.

"Yes, Edward. Fuck my ass," I moan.

His fingers dig into my hips as he grips and slams against me. His dick pushes into my ass further than it's been before.

"Come in my ass, Edward. Fill me up."

Edward growls so loud it hurts my ears. "Fuck," he roars, squeezing my ass cheek with his right hand and pressing on my lower back with his left. I fall onto my chest, face into the blanket, and grind my hips against him, finishing him off.

Warmth fills me as he explodes. His breaths come in short, heavy pants as I milk his cock until he's empty.

In this moment, I feel extreme love for this man who I have given all of my firsts to.

~!~

It's just after two when we dry off after our shower. Edward cleans me and holds me and whispers tender love into my ear. I giggle when he tells me I have the tightest holes he's ever imagined.

"Stop," I giggle with a blush as he rinses my hair.

"Seriously, Bella. Thank you."

"For what?"

"Giving yourself to me completely. Opening up. Loving me. Accepting me and all my… desires."

"Your desires are mine, too, Edward. If you haven't noticed, I'm just as turned on as you are most of the time."

He nods with a laugh. "I love you," he says.

"Same," I tell him.

I throw on his basketball hoodie and pull on some leggings before diving into his bed next to him.

"Alice texted me. There's construction on the freeway. They won't be home until after dinner."

"What do you wanna do, Pretty?" he asks, kissing my lips softly.

"Can we order pizza?"

"Sure."

"And get milkshakes."

"If you want."

"And watch movies?"

"Definitely."

I sigh in content and throw my arms above my head. "I love you."

Edward dances his fingers across the exposed skin of my belly. "Same."

~!~

We decide to go to the diner after getting dressed. It's mid-afternoon, so the diner is pretty dead, but that doesn't bother us. Edward and I could be in a room of 1,000 people, and still only be able to hear each other. I wonder briefly if this is the same kind of love Alice has for Jasper or mom has for dad. Do they feel connected, pulled together, magnetic? Even at the diner, when we decide on cheeseburgers, fries, and milkshakes, my sandaled foot rests on his new Nikes, and his long, thick fingers press against my wrist. We're always touching, but it's never enough.

I eat half of my burger and all of my fries, but I finish off mine and Edward's milkshakes as he pulls my plate over and eats the rest of my burger in three bites.

I smile daintily at his ketchup covered face.

"What?" he asks, mouth so full of beef that he spits out a piece of bun.

I shake my head and laugh into my straw.

He chuckles at my softness, downing half a glass of water, and reaching over to touch my hand. Moisture from his fingers coat my palm. I'm not sure if it's from the water or nervousness about seeing Jas, so I decide to ask.

"You okay?" I ask, turning his hand over, running my fingers over the fleshy part of his palm.

He doesn't answer right away. He washes my question around in his mouth like mouthwash before answering. "I'm nervous this is too soon."

"You think it's a mistake him coming back?" I want to say _home_, _him coming home_, but I have no idea where his physical home even is anymore.

"Not necessarily a mistake, but Alice is…" he trails off, sitting back in the booth but leaving his hand where it is. His long arm stretches like a toy. "Alice is intense."

"To the say the least," I joke.

"I'm afraid she'll pressure him, make too many demands, blame him, blame herself… They've both made so many steps in the right direction, and I don't want to see them fall back to their old ways."

I nod because he's right. I nod because it could happen. I nod because it's my fear, too.

~!~

We're not home twenty minutes, sitting together on the bar stools in the kitchen, when the headlights shine through large window in the sitting room. Edward and I pause, our eyes locked on each other, unsure what to do really. But then we hear Alice's giggle and Jasper's hardy laugh, and Edward's off the stool in no time. He doesn't think, he acts.

"Come on," he says with a smile, grabbing my hand.

Jasper pushes open the door, dropping his carry on bag, and throws his arms around his brother.

Their loudness fills my ears like birds in the morning. Annoying, loud, interrupting, but lovely and joyful. I see nothing but the pat of Jasper's hand against Edward's back, and Jasper himself. He's almost as tall as Edward, he always was, but his hair, freshly buzzed, shows a light red birth mark above his ear.

The boys disengage, holding each others shoulders and checking each other out.

"You been working out?" Edward asks, clapping his shoulder with his right hand, laughing with an open, excited mouth.

"Farm work," Jas says with a sloppy grin.

His teeth are whiter than I remember. He has a goatee and a five o'clock shadow. Jasper takes off his summer jacket and his physique shows through his shirt. Jasper's shoulders broaden as he stretches to hang up his jacket, his biceps flex as he picks up his bag, and the pulse in his neck throbs when he swallows.

Jasper walks past Edward and sets his eyes on me.

"Hi," he whispers.

I don't hold back the tears that fill my eyes. My brother, my best friend, my worry.

His arms encircle me, lifting me, loving me.

"Hi," I whisper back, wrapping my arms around his neck. We're cheek to cheek and heart to heart.

"You look all grown up, B," he whispers.

"Really?" I ask as he sets me down.

"This guy being gentlemanly?" He jabs his thumb toward Edward.

I blush and look away from both of them.

"Some things never change," Jas jokes.

"Wouldn't want them to," Edward says, tossing an arm around me, pulling my side into this chest and kissing my temple.

After we hang around the kitchen island and Jasper snacks on cookies and water and anything Mrs. Cullen sets in front of him, we all fall downstairs onto the oversized cushions of the couch.

After two episodes of Family Guy, it's nearing my curfew. Alice gets up to the use the bathroom as the boys walk me upstairs.

"When you said you gained weight, you could have told me it was all muscle," I tell him, hugging him gently. His shirt smells like Alice's perfume and Mrs. Cullen's cookies.

Jasper shrugs nonchalantly, rubbing the scruff on his face. He seems almost embarrassed. Jasper was never scrawny, but he's almost as built as Edward now.

I watch as Alice and Jasper disappear back into the basement as Edward shuffles me outside.

"What time do you have to be home?" he asks, gripping my hand in his on the porch.

I glance to my phone and sigh. "Thirty three minutes."

"Do you have time for a walk?" he asks.

I nod with a smile and watch, under the pale moonlight, as he pulls me off the porch into summertime darkness.

~!~

The next morning, Edward texts a picture of two ties. Dark blue and mustard gold striped against crisp white and a grey suit coat. The other is a soft, buttery gold, shiny and expensive, against the same shirt and coat.

_Gold._ _Definitely gold_. I text back. He responds with a wink.

I take my time showering, shaving, pampering. I paint my nails purple and try to write EC in gold on my ring fingers. I'm just finishing drying my hair when Alice barges in, her dress on a hanger and her hair in curlers.

"Help," she says.

Dad's footsteps quicken on the hardwood floor before he reaches the open door Alice just ran through.

"Alice is here," he says with tight lips and a coffee mug in his hand. He's dressed in black slacks and a grey button up. Jasper told me one night a few weeks he wanted me to ask my parents to come.

"Why?" I ask, confused.

"Your dad helped me, helped my family after…everything. I want him to see it wasn't a waste," Jasper explains.

When I finally asked my dad last weekend if he would come, he sat quietly a moment before sipping his coffee and turning the page of the newspaper. I open my mouth to ask again, but then he asks, "do I have to buy tickets?"

"Thanks dad," I laugh, shutting the door.

"Be ready by eleven!" he calls as I finally get the door shut.

"Make me pretty like you," she says.

"You are," I tell her, but I take the curlers out of her hair, re-curl with big waves, and then set them in the curlers the right way.

I line Alice's baby blues with navy liner, coat her lashes with black, and sweep pink over her cheeks. I curl the ends of my hair and fix my face before we dress. It's just before eleven, and I can hear mom's heals _click clack_ against the linoleum downstairs.

Alice's dress is black, off the shoulder, and hits above her knee. She laces up her fanciest black heeled ankle boots and smiles in the mirror.

Me on the other hand, I delicately slip into my lacey, champagne colored dress. It hits just above my knees, and lace randomly decorates the sheer sleeves. Sparkly ankle strap heels support my feet. Alice and I aren't thirteen-year-old girls anymore, but those same butterflies make us feel like we are.

"Girls!" mom calls up the stairs.

I spray us both with my most expensive perfume, saved for special occasions, and call down, "coming!"

~!~

"We really can't sneak back there and see them?" Alice asks her mom.

"No," she says simply, crossing her legs.

"Whatever," Alice grumbles, slouching in her seat.

Mrs. Cullen turns to my mom and dad and invites them over for the party afterwards. I already invited them, and Mrs. Cullen knows this, but I think sometimes she just wants to fill the silence.

It's just after one when the procession starts. My dad sits on the end, and I'm next to him. Edward said he and Jas would be on the right, and I can't wait to see him. Everyone stands and I'm so much shorter even with these heals. I don't know everyone's last name in his class, but when Adam Callum walks past, I know Edward Cullen is close.

Then, moments later, his smile steals my breath. He's smiling so high his eyes crinkle, but I can tell they're soft, sky blue and glowing.

"Bella!" he calls.

Edward runs down, out of line, and leans over my dad who clears his throat. Edward doesn't hear or doesn't care, and then his fingers grip the back of my neck and stretch my lips to meet his across my dad's space. We have almost no time, but his lips are wet and heavy against my gloss. He pulls back quickly.

"You look so fucking pretty," he smiles, still leaning across my dad. "I love you, baby. I love you!" he calls, jogging back into line.

I clear my throat and touch my lips then my neck where his fingers just were.

Dad coughs and crosses his arms.

"Was that necessary?" he asks, eyes rolling.

"Yes!" my mom says, bouncing next to Alice. Mom eye's are so bright I need sunglasses. "I love him," she gushes. "I just love your son!" she says to Mrs. Cullen.

Dad actually laughs and shakes his head.

Everything.

This is fucking _everything_.

~!~

When Edward Anthony Cullen is called across the stage, we all stand. The Principal asked everyone to hold their applause for the end, but absolutely not. That's _Edward_.

I scream so loud it hurts. I scream so loud I don't feel the tears roll down my cheeks.

Dad whistles and claps loudly next to me. Alice jumps up and down. My mom hugs Mrs. Cullen. Mr. Cullen stands in the middle of the aisle, so Edward can see, and claps loudly for his son. He does the same when Jasper walks the stage too. Alice cries, I cry, mom cries, I think we all cry secretly for the boy who accomplished more in eighteen years than his whole blood line did combined. Dad hollers and claps and whistles and deep down, he's so proud of Jasper.

Afterwards, Edward runs up and twirls me around.

"I'm done," he says into my neck. "I'm fucking done."

His honors chords wrap around my neck and as I untangle, he pulls me in and kisses me thoroughly.

"My parents—" I say, but his lips cut me off.

"I don't fucking care, B," he says.

Someone clears their throat behind us. We turn to see my dad.

"Congratulations, Edward," he says, holding out his hand for my boy.

Edward's beyond excited today and his smile shows it, so he disregards my dad's hand and pulls him in for a hug.

Dad, taken aback and surprised, eventually laughs and claps him on the back.

There's not a lot left to say between the two, so he releases my dad and goes to hug his mom. I watch with rapt attention as Edward and Jasper receive and provide ecstatic love and honor from all members in their lives.

Alice won't let Jasper go until I ask to cut in.

He pulls me close and rests his chin on my head.

"I'm so proud of you," I sigh into his shoulder.

"Couldn't have done it without you, B," he struggles to say. I can feel the ball his throat constricts around as he swallows against my forehead.

"You would have—"

"No," he says sternly, pulling me back. "No."

And I know the truth. If someone hadn't pushed him, if _I _hadn't encouraged him, who knows where he'd be right now.

So I do the only thing I can do. I nod.

~!~

The party is busy. Edward's aunts and grandparents, family I've never met, start showing up around four.

"This is Isabella Swan, my girlfriend," he says, introducing me to _everyone_.

"So beautiful," his aunts and grandmother say with a knowing smile.

"And how long have you two been together?" one of his aunts asks.

"Forever," Edward answers simply, honestly.

His aunt laughs because she doesn't know it's the truth.

My dad leaves around seven to get ready for his shift. Mom excuses herself then, too.

"I'm so proud of you boys," she says with a smile, handing each a card. "It's not much," she says, hugging them.

I walk her to the door. "Mom, you didn't have to get them anything."

She nods and smiles, kissing my cheek. "I know, honey."

Dad hugs me. "Don't forget your curfew," he says.

"I know, dad," I tell him softly.

He nods before turning back to me. "We can extend it a little, tonight, right, Renee?"

Mom smiles and nods.

Back inside, Jasper whispers into Alice's ear as she falls into his side. Edward comes up behind me and moves my hair away from my neck before he bends to put his lips on it.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he tells me simply, honestly.

Mrs. Cullen takes more pictures than I could ever imagine tonight, but her face lights up when I ask her, Jas, and Mr. Cullen to get together for one.

"Can you take all of our picture?" Edward asks his Aunt Carmen. She nods as Alice hops in.

I stand back and smile before Edward says, "Come here, Pretty."

Edward tucks me into his side next to Jasper, and we smile brightly.

~!~

June blooms into July and July rains into August.

June was filled with basketball games, sprinkle covered ice cream cones, and a sad goodbye to Jasper.

July was filled with fireworks, nineteenth birthdays, and anal sex again.

Edward leaves in two weeks, and it's starting to hit me.

"Like that?" Edward asks, pressing his hips into my ass.

He has me sprawled out on a blanket in the middle of our meadow, wild flowers stand tall around us.

"Oh, yes!" I cry out as he pumps into me.

This time doesn't hurt as much. He uses a different lube that stays wet for longer, even as the sun beats down on us from high in the sky.

"More," I pant.

Edward has me on my belly, arms above my head, hips pulled back so my ass sticks up.

"Are you sure—"

"Edward!" I whine.

He stops, repositions himself on his knees, and shoves his dick the farthest it's been inside me.

"Oh!"

"You sure you can take more of my dick, baby?" His tone is teasing, horny, challenging. "It's almost all the way in."

"More," I demand.

Edward pulls back and fucks me with long, fast strokes. He doesn't pound my ass like he pounds my pussy, but he fucks me with wanton fever and his sweat drips onto my back and down my sides.

"Fuck," he roars loudly. "Are you gonna come?" he demands.

He pulls out and pushes in, his fingers wrap around my forearms, and he switches angles again. I don't know what he does or how he does it, but he hits a spot I can feel so intensely inside me that my legs spasm.

"Yes," I grunt. "Yes, don't stop."

"Fuck yeah," he laughs. "Fuck my cock. Come on this dick, baby girl."

He doesn't relent. Edward keeps the angle and strokes and strokes and strokes until my ass slams into his hips and my body shatters under him.

"I'm coming, Edward," I moan. "Oh, shit, yes."

I'm so glad Edward suggested we walk out to the meadow today. There's no way I would be able to keep quiet in his basement or my bedroom.

He gives me gentle, long blows as I ride out the most intense feeling. When I'm done, Edward uses my ass.

"I need it hard," he grits through his teeth.

"Okay," I pant.

His thrusts become rougher.

"Can I fuck you harder?" he asks desperately. "Please, Bella. Let me fuck you."

I relax my hips and let him give it to me. "Yes, Edward. Give it to me hard."

To be honest, I don't know how much more or harder I can take, but he stills after the fifth hardest pump and spills inside me. His roar echoes around us, bouncing off the trees, floating over orange and violet wildflowers. His thrusts slow and he pulls out panting.

Edward cleans me, wiping me down with the wet wipes he packed. The sun shines without a cloud in the sky, and I bask in the glory.

"That was fucking hot," he says, laying naked on the blanket.

I glance down. His soft cock slowly drains from overused red to blushing pink back to fleshy nude. It hangs low like a hook over his balls. He's huge soft. He's huge hard.

"You keep looking at it like it's something to eat and he'll come back to life, Bella," Edward warns.

I giggle softly and lay against his side in the heat of the August sun.

Edward eventually pulls up his basketball shorts but keeps his shirt off, laying under the sun, tanning on this beautiful summer afternoon. I throw on my bra and tank so my nipples don't burn. I toss my undies to him and pull on my shorts. Edward palms them and stuffs them in his pocket with a smile.

We eat the sandwiches he packed and sit in quiet harmony.

"I'm going to miss this," he says, swigging water.

My smile hides my tears, but not all the way.

"I'm going to miss _you_," I whisper, resting my cheek against my knee.

Edward smiles sadly and pulls me into his chest.

It's another hour before we decide to head back to the house. We pack up and Edward kisses me so gently the butterflies in my belly fly north. My lips tingle. My freckles float.

"Can you believe Jasper got a tattoo?" I ask.

Jasper left two days after graduation. Alice begged him to stay, but he says he's not ready. Unlike the Alice I've known since I was twelve, Alice accepts disappointment. So, they drop him off at the airport, and he heads back to the farm with the promise to call, and he does, twice a week. He calls Alice first, and then me.

"Can't talk long, B, but just wanted to say hi," he says one night at eleven.

"So late," I yawn quietly. "Did Alice keep you?"

He laughs softly. "You know how she is. Tell Edward I say hi."

I glance to Edward who lays quietly next to me in my bed. "How'd you know—"

"Some things never change, B."

"He always talked about getting a tattoo," Edward says.

I smile at the picture Jasper sent me last week. A thick font along his forearm. _The only way out is through_.

"Do you ever want to get one?" I ask curiously.

He smiles slyly. "I have some ideas."

"Me, too," I admit honestly.

"That's pretty hot." Edward nuzzles my neck at the edge of the forest.

I can see our manicured lawns from here. Dad's cruiser isn't in the driveway yet, and his parent's aren't home either. My skin is starburst pink and hot from naked-all-day-in-the-sun. As if he reads my mind, Edward chuckles and shakes his head.

"Come on before I bend you over this log," he teases, pulling me out into the sun.

~!~

Mom's at the kitchen counter, music loud, her hair wayward as I escape from the super sunshine.

"Hi, sweetie," she calls. "Have fun?"

I nod with a smile, picking up an apple and taking a bite.

"Want to invite Edward for dinner?" mom asks, shucking corn and fiddling with burner knobs on the stove. "I made plenty."

I nod again, smiling wider, and pull out my phone as I walk up the stairs.

"I'm going to go shower," I tell her and she waves me away.

_Come for dinner._

_Okay, Pretty._

~!~

Dad comes home just as I slip into a summer dress. Yellow cotton and polka dotted with summer flower prints. Too-long-in-the-sun pink cheeks and glossed lips greet my very handsome boyfriend at the door.

"Hi, baby," he whispers with a wink, leaning down to kiss my lips before dad sees.

"Hi, handsome," I say back, standing on my tippy toes to meet him halfway.

Edward's eyes are green-blue happy, and his cheeks mirror mine. I grab his hand and lead him into the kitchen where we sit and enjoy one the most pleasant dinners the four of us have had together. Dad smiles and laughs, mom gleams, Edward talks sports with dad, and I sit back and bask.

"When do you leave for school, Edward?" mom asks, standing to clear the table.

Edward stands with her and grabs his plate to clear before mom can get it. "We're leaving August twelfth to move me into my apartment. My parents and Alice are staying the weekend with me."

"That's soon," mom says sadly.

"They want us moved in sooner to start conditioning for the season," he explains, looking to me with a sad smile.

"You two staying together when you go to college?" dad asks abruptly.

Edward almost laughs, but he's able to bite back a smile. "Of course," he responds.

Dad looks from me to Edward to mom before wiping his mouth and standing. "Okay," he says quietly. Dad walks to the fridge and grabs a beer before standing next to mom at the sink.

Edward scrapes leftover food off my plate into the garbage as I clear the table.

"Edward and I can finish cleaning. Why don't you and Bella go relax in the living room."

Oh, shit. Here we go.

Mom turns to me and smiles. Her hands are warm from the water and soft from the bubbles. I look to Edward before I leave, but he's already talking to dad about offering him and mom courtside seats to all home games.

In the living room, mom and I sit on the couch and chit chat about nothing really.

"Why does he want to be alone with Edward?" I whisper.

"I don't know," mom says honestly. "But I don't think it's a bad thing. In fact, I think he begrudgingly _likes_ Edward."

"Good," I tell her.

Her smile is mom-knows-best when she asks, "it's pretty serious, isn't it, Bella?"

The butterflies deep in my veins flutter and stretch their wings. "It's been serious since I was twelve, mom," I tell her honestly.

"And you're being safe?"

"Mom—"

"Bella," she says with a look that tells me she knows. "You're going to be eighteen in a few months. Please don't pretend like you and that handsome young man in there aren't having sex."

My cheeks are already pink, but now they're fire red. I nod. "Yes, we're being safe."

"Good," she smiles with a nod.

"Can I go with the Cullens that weekend when they drop him off?" I ask.

Edward told me to ask a few days ago when they finalized the date, but I was too nervous. Now that he'll be gone for weeks at a time, and I won't get to see him very frequently, I hope and pray they take pity on me.

"I'll talk it over with your dad—"

"Talk what over with me?" dad asks, walking in behind Edward.

Dad sits in the rocker and Edward plops down next to me, his arm goes around the back of the couch.

"We can talk about it later," mom says easily.

"I want to go with Mr. and Mrs. Cullen when they drop Edward off in a few weeks," I say, ignoring my mom.

Dad says nothing. Dad _does_ nothing. He eyes me blankly before sighing and scrubbing his palm over his face. "Will Alice be there?"

"Yes," I answer. Honestly, I don't know.

"I guess," dad says in resolve, cracking open a can and looking precisely at Edward. "But remember what I said, son."

_Son?_

"Yes, sir," Edward answers seriously.

We spend the next hour in the living room watching ESPN, sports highlights, and the absolute most boring things ever. Dad finally gets tired of hearing me sigh as loud as I can, so he asks, "where do you want to go, Bells?"

"The beach?"

"Go," he says thankfully.

Edward holds my knee and my inner thigh as we drive silently up to the beach. When we arrive, he spreads a blanket out on the rocky sand and lays next to me. I play connect the dots with the stars.

"What did he say?" I ask quietly.

"Not much," Edward starts, "just that if I got you pregnant before you were able to finish college, he'd make sure I could never reproduce again."

"Oh my god," I laugh, slapping a hand over my mouth.

Edward laughs too, turning on his side to watch me. I mirror his position. "He also said I needed to prioritize my life in ways that make you always feel like you're number one."

"What did you say?"

"I said, 'no offense, sir, but I always have'."

"And what did he say?"

"Not much. He just mumbled and looked at me from the side."

"He's not a man of many words," I admit.

Edward grips my fingers in his. "I did tell him that you have always been the most important thing in my life, and I will always do whatever it takes to protect your heart."

"Edward," I breathe softly, a bright blush on my cheeks.

"I told him if it ever comes down to it, I choose you, Pretty." Edward lays on his back and smiles at the memory. "He seemed to like that."

~!~

The next two weeks fly, and sooner than I'd hoped, we're packing up Edward's and his dad's car with almost everything in his bedroom. I never really thought about it, but Edward isn't just moving away for a few semesters, he's moving away _for good_. He has an apartment for the next four years, and he won't be coming home, back to his bedroom, the basement, our meadow, for a while.

Last night, I cried. I finally broke down and sobbed in the arms of my boyfriend. For so long, I've been strong, but my heart is sore and sad.

"Baby, I'll come home every weekend if you want me to," he tells me as we lay on the couch.

"You'll be busy with school and basketball and parties," I hiccup.

"Parties?" he laughs.

"You'll be this hotshot jock, new guy on campus, and you'll be going to every party, seeing all these beautiful girls. They're going to throw themselves at you." My insecurities finally get the best of me.

"Bella," he says, sitting up and forcing me to look at him. "I would _never_—" he can't even finish the sentence. "You're it for me, pretty. You're my girl. Your freckles and knees and long nails. Your smile and eyelashes and the fucking scar on your shoulder. All that is mine. You are mine, Pretty." Edward drags his fingers through my hair and cups my cheek. "And I am yours."

And now we're reversing out of the driveway and he's holding my hand and my heart and I'm praying he doesn't drop either of them.

Hi, everyone! It's looking like one more chapter and an epilogue are all that's left! Thanks for sticking it out with me, and for offering all your love and support!

Someone last chapter posted that they imagine Edward looking like Robert Pattinson as Cedric Diggory, and it got me thinking—do you guys have visions of characters?

For me, Edward is some form or another of Robert Pattinson. Definitely the same hair, height, eyes, but his smile is different, bigger, and he's less scrawny, more athletic. However, I don't really imagine Bella as Kristin Stewart. This Bella is a short girl with curves, long, soft brown hair, and beautiful eyelashes. She has soft pink lips that are always moisturized and her knees fit so well in Edward's hands. Alice is not that actress who plays her in the movie. She's much more badass and less pixie like. Jasper is a taller, surfer-esque Jackson Rathbone with bigger muscles but that same dazzling smile.

I'm curious how _you_ envision these characters!


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